Rant Inspired Fic

[moongoddesscyn]

I was inspired by one of my own rants and a response to that rant to write a relatively short piece.

I haven't written any fanfiction for about 7 years and never for this fandom, so I'm really rusty. I fear they're out of character, so let me know what you think. This is very dialogue driven.

Title:One More Hand
Fandom:Kingdom Hearts II
Rating:R, for language
Characters: Lexaeus, Luxord, Cid, Setzer
Spoilers: general spoilers for Kingdom Hearts II
Length: approx. 2,867 words
Summary: Four characters overlooked by fandom pass the time.

Somewhere in the back alleys of Traverse Town, there is an unremarkable door that leads into an unremarkable room in the back of an unremarkable bar. It’s dimly lit by a single overhead light, and just big enough for some shelves, a card table, and a few chairs. The sounds filtering in from the bar itself drown out the quiet whisper of cards being shuffled.

Four figures sit around the shabby table, absorbed in a card game. “Hearts,” one remarks as he slaps a card down on the pile.

“You would pick hearts, Luxord,” complains a silver haired gentleman with his back to the door. “Just the suit I don’t have.” So with a sigh, he draws a new card and adds it to his hand, getting lucky with the ten of hearts.

“Well we could always play Blackjack instead,” remarks the tall cloaked figure to the silver haired gentleman’s left, as he puts down an Ace of hearts.

“Nah, those two always win. Can’t play craps anymore either. “Gambler of Fate” my ass, more like “Rotten Cheater”. Next we’ll be bringin’ out board games,” grumbles the fourth figure.

“I resent that, Cid. I do not cheat. I am merely very good at craps. And poker. And, oh yes, Crazy Eights as well, because it seems I have won this hand, and therefore the game,” the Gambler of Fate says smoothly.

“Aw, give it a rest Luxord, you can’t feel resentment, you ain’t got a heart to feel resentment with,” Cid snipes, throwing down his cards in disgust.

Luxord sniffs, but doesn’t respond.

“Well, Crazy Eights is out, I suppose,” remarks the silver haired gentleman. “I vote we pick another game. Trivial Pursuit, or Parcheesi, perhaps? Lexaeus, why don’t you pick this time,” says the silver haired man to the tall cloaked figure.

“Mouse Trap,” says Lexaeus, after a long moment’s thought. “We haven’t played that game in ages, and I’m tired of card games. When Luxord doesn’t win, Setzer does.”

The silver haired gentleman, Setzer, gives a rakish grin, and pulls the requested board game off of a nearby shelf.

“What’d I tell you?” Cid throws his hands up. “Board games. You’d think we were a bunch of kids on a rainy day with board games.”

“Odd, when I was a child I solved math equations on rainy days. I found them comforting. Or rather, when my Other was a child,” remarks Luxord thoughtfully.

“Math? Wouldn’t have pegged you as a raging mathematician. Would have thought you’d be playing cards or something,” Cid says as he takes a drag on his cigarette.

“Cards are not the entire reason for my being. I do control Time, you know. I like things to be logical,” replies Luxord.

“Nonbeing,” remarks Lexaeus.

“Beg your pardon?” asks Luxord.

“Your nonbeing. We don’t really exist, remember?” Lexaeus says.

“Gentlemen, we are not here to debate whether or not we exist. Leave the philosophy for some other time, perhaps after a few more drinks. For now, let’s just play the game,” Setzer says, handing out pieces.

The room is quiet, save for the ambient bar noise, as the four men set up the game board and their pieces.

“How long you think we’re gonna be stuck back here this time?” Cid asks as he rolls the die.

“Not terribly long, I imagine. Sooner or later I’m bound to be invoked in order to sit in the background and play Solitaire. Or poker again. I’ll be amazed if I get a line or two of dialogue,” Luxord says.

“Yeah, you. What about the rest of us?” Cid grumbles again.

“Don’t worry, Cid. Someone is bound to invoke you in yet another piece featuring Misters Strife and Leonheart,” Lexaeus reassures the blond smoker.

“Poor bastards,” Cid mutters.

“And Lexaeus, you’re bound to pop up in a group invocation sometime soon. Your fellows in the Organization are rather popular, after all,” Setzer remarks as he moves his token.

“What about you? I ain’t seen you leave this dive in ages. Come to think of it, I ain’t seen you leave, period,” Cid says.

Setzer gives a small smile and a shrug. “I’ve been invoked once or twice. I’m used to it by now, really. I can’t even say I envy you that much. At least no one writes me into compromising situations with my coworkers.”

Luxord and Lexaeus both grimace at this. The natures of their invocations are not something they often like to discuss.

“Don’t be so cocky, old chap,” Luxord recovers with a smirk. “I seem to recall an invocation featuring you and one of those Twilight Town brats.”

Setzer gives him a cold look. “Do not mention that again. Ever.”

“Ha, hadn’t heard about that one,” Cid laughs.

“Just drop it,” Setzer growls. “I have fans, you know. Girls. They love me. It’s canon, you know.”

“Yes, well, unfortunately for you, the other fans seems to have forgotten about you, and the majority of your hoard of fans, besides being in Twilight Town, is not old enough to get into a bar,” Lexaeus says.

“They forget about all of us, more often then not,” says Luxord, placing a ball bearing. “That is why we are here, after all. There’s not much else to do while one is waiting to be invoked.”

“Don’t know why,” Cid says gruffly. “We’re just as interesting as the others.”

“We’re not as pretty as some of the others,” Luxord points out.

“We’re men, we’re not supposed to be pretty,” Cid huffs.

“Tell them that,” Setzer sighs.

“We should all look on the bright side,” Lexaeus speaks up. “Perhaps we have to endure long periods of boredom, perhaps we are under appreciated, but at least we endure far less character rape then the others. If I had a heart, I would feel truly terrible for that little friend of the Keybearer’s.”

“Kairi? Yes, that poor girl. Very sweet. Princess of Heart, after all, although if you go by the majority of her invocations, you’d never know it,” says Luxord.

“Let’s not worry about it. It won’t do any good,” Setzer says.

“Yeah, but still. Think about it. I get less invocations then fuckin’ Kadaj, and he wasn’t even in Kingdom Hearts. That’s damn insultin’,” Cid growls, taking out another cigarette. “It’s all a damn shame. So much fucking potential, and what do they want? Whispy pretty boys havin’ angsty little romances. Bunch of bullshit.”

“If that’s what the fans want, that’s what the fans want,” replies Setzer. “We are little more then toys in their hands. Chips in their pile, if you will. What are we to do about it? Nothing. We deal with it. On the whole it’s not that bad. It’s not like they have the ability to change who we fundamentally are. At the end of the day, we are still us, because the fans cannot, despite their best efforts, change canon.”

“You have a point, I grant you,” says Luxord. “But they do have the ability to change perceptions of us. Some of those invocations are embarrassing, and then they spread and everyone starts seeing us like that. Look at our associate Zexion. One unfortunate hairstyle and the lad gets labeled as “emo”.”

“It is hard to be “emo” when one has no emotions,” Lexaeus adds. “And I am not exactly thrilled at being portrayed as a dolt.”

“Neither of you can be embarrassed either, so you’re both full of crap,” Cid says, glaring at his token. “Next you’ll be tellin’ me to be grateful I’m not one of the Disney crowd.”

“You should be. I’m sure they’re even more bored then we are. Considering how many of them there are, and considering how many worlds are theirs, they don’t get much play,” Setzer says.

“Where do they spend the time between invocations, anyway?” Luxord asks, “I never see them around here.”

“Their own worlds, mostly. I asked Donald Duck about it once. He told me they mostly just carry on with their lives. They aren’t on call as we are,” explains Lexaeus.

“You know, we could do the same thing. Why don’t we?” Luxord muses.

“Because other then the various merchants and unnamed townspeople, or in your case, a few Dusks and Lexaeus, we would be the only ones there,” answers Setzer. “I’d rather play a thousand more hands of Gin Rummy then kick around an empty Twilight Town. I tried once. It’s eerie.”

“Damn pathetic. Sittin’ here playin’ kiddy games with you losers is actually the best option. Crap, I’m going to lose again, aren’t I?” grouses Cid.

“Yes, it is, and yes, you are,” smirks Setzer. “Good game. Another round?”

“This game’s a pain in the ass to set up twice. Pick somethin’ else,” says Cid.

“We haven’t played Bridge in some time,” offers Lexaeus.

“Yeah, ‘cause I suck at it. You guys play that sissy game with that blue haired elf with the scar,” Cid answers.

“Saїx, you mean?” asks Luxord.

“Yeah, that one. Where’s he been anyway?” Cid asks.

“Our stoic comrade has been cast as the rapist lately. Quite unfortunate. He tells me that he is raping so much that he’s surprised that it doesn’t just fall off. Personally, I’m amazed that he manages to perform that often. He tells me it’s exhausting,” Luxord says, as he sweeps some stray pieces back into the box.

“I can imagine,” Setzer grimaces.

“Rape. Humph. Now there’s a subject that doesn’t get treated seriously around here,” grunts Lexaeus.

“No shit. No mental trauma or nothin’. Half the time it’s just a fuckin’ excuse for more sex. Who the hell has sex right after they’re raped? I mean, damn, that kind of thing traumatizes you fer life. Just once, I’d like to see an invocation where sex is not the damn answer to rape. Shit,” Cid says, drawing deeply on his cigarette.

“Rape is such a depressing subject,” groans Setzer, “can we just move off it and pick another game already?”

“How about Clue? I enjoy Clue,” suggests Luxord.

“No. You guys always make me play as Miss Scarlet. It’s not funny anymore,” Setzer says, shaking his head as the other three snicker.

“Monopoly then,” says Lexaeus.

The others agree, and Luxord finds the box and begins to set up the board.

“I’m the damn racecar this time. Bein’ the thimble fuckin’ sucks,” comments Cid.

“What does a thimble have to do with Monopoly anyway?” asks Setzer.

“What does an iron have to do with anything? They’re just tokens. Pick one. I want the shoe,” answers Lexaeus.

“I’ll take the top hat,” announces Luxord, “And I’m going to get a drink. Anyone else want anything?”

“Beer,” says Setzer, and Cid nods in agreement.

“Another cup of coffee,” Lexaeus adds as Luxord stands.

The Gambler of Fate heads into the bar, and Cid props his feet up on the now vacant chair.

“We should learn how to play Dungeons and Dragons,” Setzer says with a yawn.

“Who would want to play a nerd game like that?” Cid asks.

“I don’t know. But it would be a change of pace from endless rounds of cards and board games,” Setzer says.

“Well why not play drinkin’ games?” Cid asks petulantly.

“Because that is so cliché. Besides, Lexaeus wins every single time. There’s no point anymore,” Luxord says from the doorway. “Cid, get your feet off of my chair.”

Lexaeus gives the barest hint of a smile as he accepts his cup of coffee.

“It’s one of my lesser known talents,” he says, taking a sip.

“Any other talents you feel we should know about?” Setzer asks.

“I have other talents, but I don’t feel you should know about them,” Lexaeus says with finality.

“Setzer, roll,” Luxord commands, impatient to get back to the game.

“How about you, Cid?” Setzer asks, moving his token. “Any special talents?”

“I make the best tea in Radiant Garden, no lyin’,” Cid says with pride.

“You don’t seem like a tea drinker, Cid,” Luxord remarks.

“They didn’t think I was a computer programmer, either, but I seem to do a pretty damn good job with that. See, that’s depth. More to me than a pretty face,” Cid gives a hideous grin.

“Cid, there is nothing pretty about your face,” Setzer laughs.

“Around here, Setzer, you’re just the belle of the ball,” is the joking reply.

The four return to their game, punctuated with brief curses as someone lands on a hotel, and someone else lands in jail.

“Really, Luxord, who puts a hotel on Baltic? That’s just silly,” complains Lexaeus.

“It makes me money, therefore, it has a purpose, and therefore, it’s not silly,” Luxord says as he collects his payment from the other Nobody.

“Don’t you wish everything had a purpose?” asks Setzer.

“I thought we agreed to no damn philosophy crap tonight,” mutters Cid.

“It’s not a philosophy thing. I meant things like those humor invocations that are so popular,” Setzer says taking another swig of beer.

“That’s a subject out of nowhere,” remarks Luxord with surprise.

“The ones where totally random things happen, you know? They don’t have any purpose. I wish they did so I could understand them,” Setzer complains.

Cid moves his token past Go. “Those damn things outta be outlawed. Not a lick of sense in any of ‘em. I call a lot of things crap, but those are the crappiest of crappy things.”

“Really, who thinks that running around and screaming like a juvenile primate is the height of comedy? I assume it’s because I have no heart, but I just do not see how those are funny at all. I thank Kingdom Hearts that it’s been some time since my last invocation in one of those,” reflects Luxord.

“Those invocations always make me uncomfortable,” contributes Lexaeus. “I am most likely to appear moronic in them.”

“Hell, we all look stupid in them,” Cid gripes.

“You were not portrayed as chewing on dog toys in one of them,” says Lexaeus with finality.

There is a collective wince, and Luxord attempts to steer on to a different topic.

“What about parodies, then?” he asks.

“They’re just as bad, more often then not,” Setzer says off-handedly.

“There’re a few damn exceptions, but they’re like diamonds scattered in with a bunch of steamin’ turds,” is Cid’s response. “Most of ‘em think a damn parody is just shovin’ us into the plot of some other damn story. Makin’ Sora into the lead character of some damn cartoon import crap isn’t a damn parody.”

“No, it’s just uncreative, I suppose. How disappointing. Oh well, they do say that humor is difficult,” says Luxord. “Well I’m out. Damn you and your hotels, Cid.”

“Might actually win one this time.” Cid stabs out another cigarette with gusto and takes the last of Luxord’s money.

“A refreshing change of pace. I admit that the games are always good, but you and Setzer win entirely too often, Luxord,” says Lexaeus.

“Luxord and I can hardly help that we’re good gamblers. It’s just talent,” Setzer smirks.

“If you’re such a gambler, why do you spend so much time competing in that children’s game?” snorts Luxord.

“Struggle is not a child’s game. It requires a lot of skill,” huffs Setzer.

“You lost to some damn punk in a belly shirt,” laughs Cid.

“That was a fluke. I was having an off day and it was a fluke,” grumbles Setzer.

“You underestimated your opponent. We all make that mistake, don’t worry about it,” Lexaeus steps in.

“Ha, and now yer losin’ this game too, ‘cause you just landed on North Carolina, and I’ve got a hotel there. Pay up,” crows Cid.

“What time is it, anyway?” Setzer sighs as he tosses the last of his money at Cid.

“Late,” is Lexaeus’s answer, “And too late for me. Congratulations, Cid.”

“I won? Damn, I actually won against you suckers. Let’s play again, Monopoly is my game,” Cid crows triumphantly.

A bell chimes, and Luxord stands with a sigh.

“Well, I’m afraid the bell tolls for me, gentleman. I have an invocation to attend to. Perhaps next time, Cid,” says the Gambler of Fate as he heads for the door.

“In that case, I will also call it a night. Goodnight Setzer, Cid,” says Lexaeus, returning his token to the box.

Cid lights another cigarette as the Nobodies leave, and Setzer cleans up the Monopoly board.

“Well Cid, how about Battleship?” asks Setzer.

“Nah, sorry. I think I’m gonna get some shut-eye,” Cid says, stretching.

“Of course,” Setzer replies, a little mournfully.

Cid stands and heads for the door. “Meet you here tomorrow night?”

“I’ll be here.”

“You never know, Setzer, maybe you’ll get an invocation,” Cid says over his shoulder.

Cid shuts the door, and Setzer is alone. He kicks his chair back and surveys the empty room.

“I guess you never know.”

And on that note, Setzer stands, places the Monopoly box back on a shelf, and turns off the light.

“It’d be nice,” he says from the doorway. “A change of pace. I could do with a change of pace.”

Setzer exits, and the unremarkable little room is left dark, empty, and quiet.