From today's George Carlin UNCENSORED:

EXPRESSIONS I QUESTION

Like a bat out of Hell. We say some guy was "goin' like a bat outta Hell." How do we know how fast a bat would leave Hell? Maybe he would leave real slow. In fact, why should we assume that a bat would even want to leave Hell? Maybe he likes it there. Maybe Hell is just right for a bat ( Read more... )

Hehe

For those who live in Huntsville but (strangely enough) don't know many engineers:

Comprehending Engineers - Take OneTwo engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on ( Read more... )

Sam: "Percent sign, ampersand, dollar sign"

Max: "What the hell are you doing, Sam?"

Sam: "Swearing in longhand, asterix-mouth"

G: I've been talking to the guys, and we're kicking you out.

T: What guys?

G: The guys. Men. We're kicking you out because you didn't like 300.

T: I did like 300! I just didn't like it as much as you.

G: Head downstairs and turn in your penis. I'm sorry.

T: Turn in my penis? How will I open jars?

*pause*

G: Wow, it's like... I want to see it ( Read more... )

From George Carlin Uncensored on St. Patty's Day:

I don't understand this notion of ethnic pride. "Proude to be Irish," "Puerto Rican pride," "Black pride." It seems to me that pride should be reserved for accomplishments; things you attain or achieve, not things that happen to you by chance. Being Irish isn't a skill; it's genetic. You wouldn't ( Read more... )

Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum

No joke, saw this on a t-shirt in CompUSA day before yesterday:

I'LL SHEEP YOUR ASS!

Some people are like Slinkies...

They aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Slinky, Slinky
Everyone loves a Slinky
Slinky, Slinky
Go, Slinky! Go!

I caught this out of the corner of my eye and asked myself (almost out loud), "WTF!?!"

Let's see if it sparks the same reaction from others...

"Flatulence on plane sparks emergency landing"

Well?