Let Destiny Leads You The Way of Love Part 6B
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6A | Final
italics=flashback
Yunho woke up first early in the morning as the sunshine hit his eyes sharply. The sky was really clear, there was not a single sign indicating there was a storm raging last night. He genuinely smiled when the flashes of the event of last night were back before his eyes. He glanced to the gentle warmth wrapping him from Changmin’s body, still in his deep slumber.
They did it, Yunho noted in his brain. He wanted to scream in happiness, feeling content at the sight of his lover, so peaceful and probably still having a sweet dream that Yunho hoped he was dreaming about him.
He propped his elbow to support his head while gazing at the beautiful boy beside him. He thought that no matter how many times he would look at Changmin, he seemed to never get bored. It’s seemed that his love for the boy was getting stronger and stronger each day they were together. He wished that Changmin would feel the same about him.
“Ehmmm… Yunho-yah.” Changmin mumbled in his sleep and Yunho giggled at this. He really wondered whether Changmin was truly dreaming about him, but then Changmin’s eyes fluttering open.
“Good morning, sleepy head.” Yunho said as he kissed Changmin’s lips.
“Good morning.” Changmin replied with a sleepy smile.
“How do you feel?”
“Hmmm… sticky.” He said, face turned red immediately for the statement that he made.
“Hahaha… of course you are… you kinda come really hard. It’s messy, you know?” Yunho winked and Changmin’s face was getting more and more flushed in red.
“Ughh… I hate you.” Changmin wrapped himself with the sheet and abruptly walked towards the bathroom, earning a big laugh from Yunho. “And oh…” He turned to Yunho right before he stepped inside the bathroom. “It IS your FAULT too, that I became a mess since you loaded your substances inside of me.”
He smirked and this time was Yunho’s turn to be embarrassed.
Yunho chuckled. “That kid…” He commented, “Yah Changmin, wait for me!” He crawled out of the bed, following Changmin inside the bathroom, intended to take a shower together.
Let just say, that they had a very long time doing activities in the shower.
Two hours later, after getting ready and they were finished the breakfast, Yunho and Changmin drove back to Seoul. They bought a takeout ramen for their lunch and ate it at their apartment and they did a little cleaning activity before Yunho drove Changmin to the coffee shop and hang out there while waiting for his time to go to the hospital.
In the café, just like usual they met Junsu who got a little bit excited asking them about their vacation. And Yunho watched the two best friends with an amused look as he saw Junsu leaned to whisper something in Changmin’s ear. Changmin suddenly blushed and he slapped Junsu’s arms with a deadly glare as Junsu laughed harder at Changmin’s reaction. Yunho chuckled, he was sure that Junsu was asking him about the naughty things he did with Changmin. It’s Junsu after all, and he never got tired in teasing his best friend anytime and anywhere.
He sighed. This happy feeling, he hoped that it won’t be just for a moment. Love is waved and winding, he knew about it, but he wished that, whatever happened to them, they would make it and survive with their love, and he really hoped that this happiness will last longer and would never fade away.
“Hyung…” Yunho looked up and saw Changmin sitting in front of him. “It’s time. Don’t you have to go to work?” Changmin reminded him.
“I don’t know why, but whenever I’m with you, I feel that the time is rolling so fast.” He whined, still not willing him and Changmin to be apart, even though it was for his work.
Changmin smiled. “Come on, you can see me again when you’ll come home tomorrow morning.” He guided Yunho back to his car after Yunho waved his goodbye to Junsu. But Yunho noticed that Changmin was insecure a little when he said that.
Yunho looked at Changmin when they reached his car, pouting.
“Hey, you’ll be late if you don’t go now.” Changmin commented, pushing his lover a little by his chest.
Yunho was still pouting.
“Yunho-yah~ Stop pouting already.”
“Kiss it better then.” Yunho demanded, poking his head to Changmin’s direction.
Changmin chuckled momentarily at his behavior but nevertheless, he grabbed Yunho’s collar and pulled him in, kissing him hard and… desperately?
Between the kisses, Yunho crooked his eyebrow. Why did Changmin gotten this needy in kissing him? Yunho pulled away first.
“Min… whoa… you’re… bold.”
Changmin only smiled to Yunho. This is what makes Yunho not willing to leave Changmin. The expression on his eyes, even though he was smiling, but it’s empty and…sad.
“Changmin, you’re okay, right?”
Changmin tilted his head and frowned. “Yeah… Why wouldn’t I?”
Yunho shook his head. “Okay then. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, got it?”
Changmin nodded. “I love you, Yunho.”
“Love you too, baby.”
-------------------------------------
“Where are you, Changmin? Please come back to me…”
--------------------------------------
Yunho took a deep breath. He was so freaking tired and sleepy, but he couldn’t wait to see his lover again. He checked the clock. It was 5.20. He silently giggled to himself as the thought of Changmin’s sleeping figure popped in his head. He quickly made his way to their bedroom, impatiently wanting to crawl beside Changmin and hugging him tight in his sleep.
But then the sight of their bedroom made Yunho froze in his spot, right after he opened the door.
It was… empty. The sheet was neat on top of the mattress, obviously untouched, like there was nobody sleeping there the whole night.
Where is he? Yunho asked to himself, silently praying that maybe Changmin woke up too early and he was going somewhere.
But that early in the morning? Where did he might go this early?
“No… Please, don’t let happen the thing I’m afraid of. Please.” Yunho moved toward the closet and his eyes widen.
Changmin’s clothes… gone. All of them. He checked the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen, the whole apartment, but Changmin wasn’t there and all of his things were gone. It was like Changmin’s presence was irrelevant at this apartment, like Changmin never existed and never lived there with him.
Yunho was panicking now as he grabbed his phone and dialed Changmin’s phone number. After a while of waiting, Yunho hung up, desperately worried after Changmin’s phone let him heard a voicemail and then he returned to the bedroom.
“Damn!!” He yelled, throwing his phone away at the top of the mattress as pacing back and forth, trying to think fast.
Yunho was still pacing when his eyes landed to a paper lying on the table with a ballpoint next to it. He was sure that before he drove Changmin to the coffee shop, the paper wasn’t there yet.
He bit his lips, approaching the table with uncertain feeling of what he would find if he read the paper.
He grabbed the paper and settled himself down at the side of the bed. He opened it and read.
Yunho-yah… Hyung,
I don’t know how to start this… But now, you’re sleeping peacefully after we made love for the first time, and by the time you find this letter, I won’t be there with you, and I’m really sorry… I’m so sorry, hyung, that in the end I have to be stubborn and selfish. I know that you will hate me for it and I’m not going to seek for forgiveness. I only need you to understand, because you have to believe that what I do is not without a reason.
Hyung, there are so many things I want to tell you, so many things I want to share with you, but you know that I’m never good with words, that I was never good at expressing my feelings. But Yunho, this past year, was the best year ever happened in my life. The happiest year since the day I lost my family and my life turned to be so miserable. The only thing I knew was how to live my life and survive. And that’s how I turned to be so cold. I don’t believe in anything such as friendship, love, trust or other things except money. I always kept myself in the darkness of my thought and never once I got myself to see the light of freedom that I knew was lying there somewhere. But I realized that I have changed since you came into my life.
I’m not sure whether what happened between the two of us was destiny or if it was a fate that you found me and saved me that night and then we met again exactly three weeks after that, but now I do believe that there’s no such thing as coincidence. Don’t you think so?
I still remember the moment you came to the shop and asked me to look at you, and the first thing that I saw was your bright smile, and I still can’t believe that after the day you would be able to fill my empty heart. Even though, at first I thought that you were an annoying person who tried to invade my life with that stupid grin of yours. And I really hated you for your persistent ways of making me open up myself towards you only in short amount of time, something that Junsu was only able to do within a year. And without realizing it, I could never run away from you. Hell, I can’t even leave myself for not thinking about you, talking to you and seeing you. You brought my smile back. You taught me how to love and to be loved. You guided me through every difficult and hard time and you were always right beside me whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, a broad chest to lean on, open arms to go home to, a wise and open mind to talk to.
God, Yunho, I never felt this content before you came into my life.
Every time you smiled at me, I felt so peaceful and calm. Every time you were angry at me, I wanted to drown myself and sinking deep into the ocean. Every time you hold me in your tight embrace, I felt there’s nothing in this world that could ever touch me or harm me in any way. Every time you brought our lips together into a sweet and tender kiss, I thought that I saw stars smiling at us and fireworks beautifully blooming through the darkness of the sky. And a moment ago, when you finally made love to me, I really wanted to cry because the happiness and the warmness you gave through your love spreading fast to my body and straight to my heart. It made me feel that I want to fully surrender my life into your palms and be yours forever. And I really can’t tell you how grateful I am to be with you, Yunho-yah. No matter how many times I say that I love you, I think that it will never be enough.
Yunho-yah, right now I think that I don’t have any self-confidence to be with you. The Shim Changmin that you knew this past year was not more than a boy who didn’t know how to fit himself into this world. My self that you love was not more than a problematic kid that can not do anything to even taking care of his own problems and only brought you trouble. You were giving me everything, but I brought you nothing but problems, and I can’t bring myself to stand in front of you with a feeling of ease. I thought that myself, who write this letter now, was still not worthy to be with you. You’re perfect. A handsome and the best doctor I’ve ever met, a kind and a loving man who will help every person willingly without complaining. You’re Jung Yunho, the man that I adore so much.
I’m not anybody, and even still not knowing what I would want to become in the future. But, even though I’m not perfect, you’re still loving me with all your heart and protecting me with every might you have, and I can do nothing more than to thank you for all of that. But it’s not enough, hyung, I need to be stronger. I need to be someone who could stand and support myself without anybody’s helping hand. I know that you’ll tell me ‘It’s alright Changmin-ah’, but that’s not the point, because the longer I am with you, the more and more I will rely myself on you. And it’s not a good thing for me. I never wanted to be your burden, hyung. I hate that.
Maybe, for you, it is okay me being just like what I am now. But I believe I can not let myself be like that, at least my ego won’t let me. I want to be someone, hyung. Someone which you could be proud of. Someone which qualifies to stand next to you. I’m still far from that, and I’m so ashamed to myself.
Thus, I decided to leave. I’m going to a little journey. A journey to find hope. A journey to find what I can do with my life. A journey to find my own dream. I’m so sorry if I have to leave you like this, but please have faith in me, hyung. And please don’t try to find me, because if I see you. I’ll lose all the will to stay away and I would come back right away into your arms. And this journey would lose its determination. But I don’t want that to happen.
Please give me time. I’m not sure how long it will take for me to actually find my own dream. It may take a year, two, or even more, and I can’t make you wait for me. If I do it is too cruel from me, because I don’t want to bind your love. Because your love is free to find its mate that equally loves you more than me. Not that I don’t love you, please don’t get me the wrong way, because I love you so much until I don’t know what will happen to me if I lose my love for you. I just want to make sure that you’re happy, that you’re living your life freely without thinking about me. And I’m not going to blame you if someday you will find yourself another love. And if it happens, please don’t worry about me, because I’m sure that whatever I might be, I will be stronger than the Changmin you used to know.
Thank you for everything Yunho. I take all the memories that we made , whenever we were together, with me in this journey. I’ll keep them in my heart, and that’s how I’ll hold on even though you aren’t there with me. It will help me to stand up whenever I fall and I will once again raise myself to grasp my dream with my own hands.
Wherever I may be, please don’t ever forget that I love you. I will always love you until the time you tell me that you don’t need this love anymore. And please believe that I’ll be back someday… yes… someday…
Yours and always,
Changmin
God!
Yunho finally understood Changmin’s odd behavior he had lately. His overly affection, his sudden wish to have a vacation with Yunho, and the look Changmin sent to him before he let Yunho go to work.
He should’ve known this. He should’ve thought about this.
But, too late… Changmin was gone… he left him for he didn’t know how long…
God… no…
And Yunho cried.
--------------------------------------
“Goddamn, Changmin!! It’s been five years, five fucking years!!”
“How many years ahead are you planning on let me waiting for you?”
-----------
finally.... this chapter ended... omoooo i really want to drown myself when i wrote those smut scene... I'm sooooo embarrassed...
if it's not good, i'm really sorry... this is my first attempt for smut.. i'm not confidence at this...>.<
whooot one chapter left. Hwaiting!!!!
please once again give me your opinion...
*hug and love*
italics=flashback
Yunho woke up first early in the morning as the sunshine hit his eyes sharply. The sky was really clear, there was not a single sign indicating there was a storm raging last night. He genuinely smiled when the flashes of the event of last night were back before his eyes. He glanced to the gentle warmth wrapping him from Changmin’s body, still in his deep slumber.
They did it, Yunho noted in his brain. He wanted to scream in happiness, feeling content at the sight of his lover, so peaceful and probably still having a sweet dream that Yunho hoped he was dreaming about him.
He propped his elbow to support his head while gazing at the beautiful boy beside him. He thought that no matter how many times he would look at Changmin, he seemed to never get bored. It’s seemed that his love for the boy was getting stronger and stronger each day they were together. He wished that Changmin would feel the same about him.
“Ehmmm… Yunho-yah.” Changmin mumbled in his sleep and Yunho giggled at this. He really wondered whether Changmin was truly dreaming about him, but then Changmin’s eyes fluttering open.
“Good morning, sleepy head.” Yunho said as he kissed Changmin’s lips.
“Good morning.” Changmin replied with a sleepy smile.
“How do you feel?”
“Hmmm… sticky.” He said, face turned red immediately for the statement that he made.
“Hahaha… of course you are… you kinda come really hard. It’s messy, you know?” Yunho winked and Changmin’s face was getting more and more flushed in red.
“Ughh… I hate you.” Changmin wrapped himself with the sheet and abruptly walked towards the bathroom, earning a big laugh from Yunho. “And oh…” He turned to Yunho right before he stepped inside the bathroom. “It IS your FAULT too, that I became a mess since you loaded your substances inside of me.”
He smirked and this time was Yunho’s turn to be embarrassed.
Yunho chuckled. “That kid…” He commented, “Yah Changmin, wait for me!” He crawled out of the bed, following Changmin inside the bathroom, intended to take a shower together.
Let just say, that they had a very long time doing activities in the shower.
Two hours later, after getting ready and they were finished the breakfast, Yunho and Changmin drove back to Seoul. They bought a takeout ramen for their lunch and ate it at their apartment and they did a little cleaning activity before Yunho drove Changmin to the coffee shop and hang out there while waiting for his time to go to the hospital.
In the café, just like usual they met Junsu who got a little bit excited asking them about their vacation. And Yunho watched the two best friends with an amused look as he saw Junsu leaned to whisper something in Changmin’s ear. Changmin suddenly blushed and he slapped Junsu’s arms with a deadly glare as Junsu laughed harder at Changmin’s reaction. Yunho chuckled, he was sure that Junsu was asking him about the naughty things he did with Changmin. It’s Junsu after all, and he never got tired in teasing his best friend anytime and anywhere.
He sighed. This happy feeling, he hoped that it won’t be just for a moment. Love is waved and winding, he knew about it, but he wished that, whatever happened to them, they would make it and survive with their love, and he really hoped that this happiness will last longer and would never fade away.
“Hyung…” Yunho looked up and saw Changmin sitting in front of him. “It’s time. Don’t you have to go to work?” Changmin reminded him.
“I don’t know why, but whenever I’m with you, I feel that the time is rolling so fast.” He whined, still not willing him and Changmin to be apart, even though it was for his work.
Changmin smiled. “Come on, you can see me again when you’ll come home tomorrow morning.” He guided Yunho back to his car after Yunho waved his goodbye to Junsu. But Yunho noticed that Changmin was insecure a little when he said that.
Yunho looked at Changmin when they reached his car, pouting.
“Hey, you’ll be late if you don’t go now.” Changmin commented, pushing his lover a little by his chest.
Yunho was still pouting.
“Yunho-yah~ Stop pouting already.”
“Kiss it better then.” Yunho demanded, poking his head to Changmin’s direction.
Changmin chuckled momentarily at his behavior but nevertheless, he grabbed Yunho’s collar and pulled him in, kissing him hard and… desperately?
Between the kisses, Yunho crooked his eyebrow. Why did Changmin gotten this needy in kissing him? Yunho pulled away first.
“Min… whoa… you’re… bold.”
Changmin only smiled to Yunho. This is what makes Yunho not willing to leave Changmin. The expression on his eyes, even though he was smiling, but it’s empty and…sad.
“Changmin, you’re okay, right?”
Changmin tilted his head and frowned. “Yeah… Why wouldn’t I?”
Yunho shook his head. “Okay then. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, got it?”
Changmin nodded. “I love you, Yunho.”
“Love you too, baby.”
-------------------------------------
“Where are you, Changmin? Please come back to me…”
--------------------------------------
Yunho took a deep breath. He was so freaking tired and sleepy, but he couldn’t wait to see his lover again. He checked the clock. It was 5.20. He silently giggled to himself as the thought of Changmin’s sleeping figure popped in his head. He quickly made his way to their bedroom, impatiently wanting to crawl beside Changmin and hugging him tight in his sleep.
But then the sight of their bedroom made Yunho froze in his spot, right after he opened the door.
It was… empty. The sheet was neat on top of the mattress, obviously untouched, like there was nobody sleeping there the whole night.
Where is he? Yunho asked to himself, silently praying that maybe Changmin woke up too early and he was going somewhere.
But that early in the morning? Where did he might go this early?
“No… Please, don’t let happen the thing I’m afraid of. Please.” Yunho moved toward the closet and his eyes widen.
Changmin’s clothes… gone. All of them. He checked the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen, the whole apartment, but Changmin wasn’t there and all of his things were gone. It was like Changmin’s presence was irrelevant at this apartment, like Changmin never existed and never lived there with him.
Yunho was panicking now as he grabbed his phone and dialed Changmin’s phone number. After a while of waiting, Yunho hung up, desperately worried after Changmin’s phone let him heard a voicemail and then he returned to the bedroom.
“Damn!!” He yelled, throwing his phone away at the top of the mattress as pacing back and forth, trying to think fast.
Yunho was still pacing when his eyes landed to a paper lying on the table with a ballpoint next to it. He was sure that before he drove Changmin to the coffee shop, the paper wasn’t there yet.
He bit his lips, approaching the table with uncertain feeling of what he would find if he read the paper.
He grabbed the paper and settled himself down at the side of the bed. He opened it and read.
Yunho-yah… Hyung,
I don’t know how to start this… But now, you’re sleeping peacefully after we made love for the first time, and by the time you find this letter, I won’t be there with you, and I’m really sorry… I’m so sorry, hyung, that in the end I have to be stubborn and selfish. I know that you will hate me for it and I’m not going to seek for forgiveness. I only need you to understand, because you have to believe that what I do is not without a reason.
Hyung, there are so many things I want to tell you, so many things I want to share with you, but you know that I’m never good with words, that I was never good at expressing my feelings. But Yunho, this past year, was the best year ever happened in my life. The happiest year since the day I lost my family and my life turned to be so miserable. The only thing I knew was how to live my life and survive. And that’s how I turned to be so cold. I don’t believe in anything such as friendship, love, trust or other things except money. I always kept myself in the darkness of my thought and never once I got myself to see the light of freedom that I knew was lying there somewhere. But I realized that I have changed since you came into my life.
I’m not sure whether what happened between the two of us was destiny or if it was a fate that you found me and saved me that night and then we met again exactly three weeks after that, but now I do believe that there’s no such thing as coincidence. Don’t you think so?
I still remember the moment you came to the shop and asked me to look at you, and the first thing that I saw was your bright smile, and I still can’t believe that after the day you would be able to fill my empty heart. Even though, at first I thought that you were an annoying person who tried to invade my life with that stupid grin of yours. And I really hated you for your persistent ways of making me open up myself towards you only in short amount of time, something that Junsu was only able to do within a year. And without realizing it, I could never run away from you. Hell, I can’t even leave myself for not thinking about you, talking to you and seeing you. You brought my smile back. You taught me how to love and to be loved. You guided me through every difficult and hard time and you were always right beside me whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, a broad chest to lean on, open arms to go home to, a wise and open mind to talk to.
God, Yunho, I never felt this content before you came into my life.
Every time you smiled at me, I felt so peaceful and calm. Every time you were angry at me, I wanted to drown myself and sinking deep into the ocean. Every time you hold me in your tight embrace, I felt there’s nothing in this world that could ever touch me or harm me in any way. Every time you brought our lips together into a sweet and tender kiss, I thought that I saw stars smiling at us and fireworks beautifully blooming through the darkness of the sky. And a moment ago, when you finally made love to me, I really wanted to cry because the happiness and the warmness you gave through your love spreading fast to my body and straight to my heart. It made me feel that I want to fully surrender my life into your palms and be yours forever. And I really can’t tell you how grateful I am to be with you, Yunho-yah. No matter how many times I say that I love you, I think that it will never be enough.
Yunho-yah, right now I think that I don’t have any self-confidence to be with you. The Shim Changmin that you knew this past year was not more than a boy who didn’t know how to fit himself into this world. My self that you love was not more than a problematic kid that can not do anything to even taking care of his own problems and only brought you trouble. You were giving me everything, but I brought you nothing but problems, and I can’t bring myself to stand in front of you with a feeling of ease. I thought that myself, who write this letter now, was still not worthy to be with you. You’re perfect. A handsome and the best doctor I’ve ever met, a kind and a loving man who will help every person willingly without complaining. You’re Jung Yunho, the man that I adore so much.
I’m not anybody, and even still not knowing what I would want to become in the future. But, even though I’m not perfect, you’re still loving me with all your heart and protecting me with every might you have, and I can do nothing more than to thank you for all of that. But it’s not enough, hyung, I need to be stronger. I need to be someone who could stand and support myself without anybody’s helping hand. I know that you’ll tell me ‘It’s alright Changmin-ah’, but that’s not the point, because the longer I am with you, the more and more I will rely myself on you. And it’s not a good thing for me. I never wanted to be your burden, hyung. I hate that.
Maybe, for you, it is okay me being just like what I am now. But I believe I can not let myself be like that, at least my ego won’t let me. I want to be someone, hyung. Someone which you could be proud of. Someone which qualifies to stand next to you. I’m still far from that, and I’m so ashamed to myself.
Thus, I decided to leave. I’m going to a little journey. A journey to find hope. A journey to find what I can do with my life. A journey to find my own dream. I’m so sorry if I have to leave you like this, but please have faith in me, hyung. And please don’t try to find me, because if I see you. I’ll lose all the will to stay away and I would come back right away into your arms. And this journey would lose its determination. But I don’t want that to happen.
Please give me time. I’m not sure how long it will take for me to actually find my own dream. It may take a year, two, or even more, and I can’t make you wait for me. If I do it is too cruel from me, because I don’t want to bind your love. Because your love is free to find its mate that equally loves you more than me. Not that I don’t love you, please don’t get me the wrong way, because I love you so much until I don’t know what will happen to me if I lose my love for you. I just want to make sure that you’re happy, that you’re living your life freely without thinking about me. And I’m not going to blame you if someday you will find yourself another love. And if it happens, please don’t worry about me, because I’m sure that whatever I might be, I will be stronger than the Changmin you used to know.
Thank you for everything Yunho. I take all the memories that we made , whenever we were together, with me in this journey. I’ll keep them in my heart, and that’s how I’ll hold on even though you aren’t there with me. It will help me to stand up whenever I fall and I will once again raise myself to grasp my dream with my own hands.
Wherever I may be, please don’t ever forget that I love you. I will always love you until the time you tell me that you don’t need this love anymore. And please believe that I’ll be back someday… yes… someday…
Yours and always,
Changmin
God!
Yunho finally understood Changmin’s odd behavior he had lately. His overly affection, his sudden wish to have a vacation with Yunho, and the look Changmin sent to him before he let Yunho go to work.
He should’ve known this. He should’ve thought about this.
But, too late… Changmin was gone… he left him for he didn’t know how long…
God… no…
And Yunho cried.
--------------------------------------
“Goddamn, Changmin!! It’s been five years, five fucking years!!”
“How many years ahead are you planning on let me waiting for you?”
-----------
finally.... this chapter ended... omoooo i really want to drown myself when i wrote those smut scene... I'm sooooo embarrassed...
if it's not good, i'm really sorry... this is my first attempt for smut.. i'm not confidence at this...>.<
whooot one chapter left. Hwaiting!!!!
please once again give me your opinion...
*hug and love*