Let Destiny Leads You The Way of Love Final Part B
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Final Part A, B
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn’t seem such a waste
It all revolves around you...
“I… Yunho-hyung… He hates me right?”
Changmin heard Yoochun sigh from his side before he patted Changmin’s back calmingly. “No, Min, Yunho will never hate you. He loves you.”
Changmin closed his eyes. He can’t forget the look Yunho gave him when he stared at him a moment ago. It was disappointment, hurt and everything that Changmin had never expected would be there in Yunho’s lively eyes. He never expected that he would take a nice acceptance from Yunho after all he had done, but to actually receive this kind of treatment, he didn’t know how his heart could handle. The cold in Yunho’s tone, the emptiness that was in Yunho’s face and the foreign gaze of Yunho…
Had Yunho’s heart changed while he was gone?
Had he gone tired of waiting for him?
Changmin slapped himself mentally. No, it was because of him that Yunho acted like that and he knew the older man so much that he was sure that Yunho will never betray him. It’s impossible.
He himself had told Yunho that he didn’t want Yunho to wait for him, but why did he feel so upset, so sad? If Yunho had decided to throw away his love for Changmin, shouldn’t he have to accept the decision? Now he demanded too much, didn’t he?
“Changmin?”
Changmin turned abruptly, meeting Yoochun’s concerned face.
“Yeah, hyung?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, hyung, don’t worry, I’ll survive.” He smiled at the older man.
Yoochun patted his back again. “Seriously Changmin, where did you go for these five years? And what did you do?”
“Yoochun-hyung, can I save my answer for later? I guess I still owe an explanation to Yunho-hyung and I want to tell him first before I can tell you.”
“Okay. I understand your reason and you really need to straighten this matter with Yunho, Changmin. He had hurt for too long because of his loss and it’s only you who could save him from his loneliness. Can I be honest to you?”
Changmin examined Yoochun’s face for a moment. He knew that he won’t like what Yoochun was going to say, but he nodded anyway.
“Honestly, I’m disappointed at you, Min and I’m angry with you. Yunho is my best friend and I can’t accept that there is somebody hurting him like what you did to him. He’s been like a shit since you’ve gone and it’s really hard to make him laugh or at least forgetting about you even for a bit.” He stopped for a while and Changmin didn’t dare to interrupt him. “He was so worried about you. He could not sleep and practically could not do anything as he was afraid that something bad happened to you.”
Changmin felt at loss at what Yoochun said and he really wanted to hide himself or even kill himself for making Yunho go through all this. He thought that his intention to leaving Yunho was reasonable enough, but he wasn’t sure anymore.
“I don’t want to blame you, Changmin, but please consider what I will tell you. You better fix whatever problems are between you and Yunho, because if you don’t, I’m sure that you’ll lose Yunho forever and I’m not going to stop Yunho or taking your side.”
“I know, hyung.” He said weakly. Even though the Yoochun’s stern voice scared him a bit, he knew that it was his consequences.
They were silent for a while, except for the sound of their nose trying to catch air into their lungs. It was Yoochun first who broke the silence.
“Are you staying with Junsu?”
“Yes, for a while before I can move to my own place.”
After that first day, Changmin could calm himself down. He always was so restive, even though he still managed to maintain his performance and tried to do the best he could. He could not take off his mind from the thoughts of Yunho as if it was a disease that was slowly crushing his brain and eating his soul.
At first, he thought that he would just let Yunho alone for a while. Giving Yunho time. He might still be under shock and didn’t know how to talk to Changmin. Thus he decided to wait, and this had been nearly two weeks since Changmin returned and showed himself in front of the older man, But Yunho still gave the same reaction as when he first spoke to Changmin.
Changmin sipped his chocolate, sighing very often as he was drowned in his thoughts. He really didn’t know what to do anymore. Yunho was still mad at him. Changmin thought that it was okay for Yunho to be angry at him. But for actually ignoring his presence and pretending as if he was never there, it was just too much. He can take Yunho’s anger, but for being treated as if they had never met before, that they had never be in love with each other, that Changmin was just another stranger for Yunho, it hurt Changmin the most. The way Yunho talked to him, cold and sharp gaze piercing through Changmin’s eyes, cynical and bitter words that were always successfully making him feel so down until it was hard to put himself together from the pain it caused him.
He had anticipated Yunho’s anger, but he never thought that Yunho would be so stubborn. It was worst than Yunho releasing tantrum upon him or even slapping him hard on his face. He really hopped that, when he returned, he would see Yunho showing him his dazzling smile and he would have Yunho’s warm embrace, his large arms wrapping his body. Oh how wrong he was. The only thing Yunho did was to stay silent, without a smile; and it killed him inside.
“Stop biting your lips, Changmin.” Changmin looked up and his hyung and best friend was already sitting in front of him without him realizing.
“How long have you been sitting there?” Changmin asked.
“I just came, but you were too deep into your thoughts that you didn’t notice.” Junsu shrugged then calling the waiter. He ordered an ice lemon tea before facing Changmin again. “Anyway, Min, how’s hospital?”
He took a deep breath, trying to swallow as much air as he could into his squeezing chest. “Bad.”
“Is it Yunho-hyung again?”
“Yes… He still ignored my presence, hyung. He acted as if I was never there, like he never knew me, like I am nothing to him.”
Junsu sighed, concernedly but never sympathetically. “He should be.”
“Hyung~” Changmin whined. He didn’t need Junsu to blame him too. He needed someone who could help him with his problem right now.
“It’s normal, Changmin. You don’t know what you’ve been putting him through.” Junsu smiled at the waiter who brought his order and thanked him. “You left him for five years, Min. Five years!” Junsu emphasized the phrase like he wanted to make Changmin understand. “You left him with nothing. Without any certainty, without even a mail or a letter to tell him that you were still alive out there, that you were still keeping your promise. How does he suppose to act then? He could just leave and throw everything he had for you, but he didn’t. It was because he loved you, Changmin, so damn much. ”
Changmin looked at Junsu with a sad expression. There were so many things that he wanted to say, so many things that he wanted to explain, but when Junsu talked to him like this, his feeling sank so deep and he didn’t even know how to do it anymore.
“He did everything for you. He saved you from those bastards, and he even risked his life for you. And what you’ve been given to him? Nothing. You gave him only sorrow and misery of waiting without any certitude. I know that you won’t cheat over him, even though it would be better if you did just so, because it surely wouldn’t hurt him too badly and he could easily let you go. But no… the problem wasn’t as simple as that. You left him with an empty hope, and indirectly you forced him in hanging on to the promise that he can’t even make sure you would still hold onto or not. ”
“I know. But I…” Changmin helplessly tried to reason but Junsu cut him off immediately.
“Save it, Min. It isn’t me who you’re supposed to explain, it’s Yunho-hyung.” Junsu said sternly.
Changmin tightened his fist on the table, his eyes hot with the tears pooling around the corner of his eyes and he looked away from Junsu. He knew that everything was his fault. He felt so guilty as Junsu’s words resounded in his head and stabbed him right in his heart. As the stinging pain in his chest got stronger, his hands trembled and he really wanted to cry, but he held it. He promised himself that no matter what happened he won’t cry anymore. He won’t be the same weak Changmin that he had left the first time he took a step out from Yunho’s apartment.
But what was he supposed to do if Yunho hated him, if he never wanted him back into his life? Then, everything he did during these past five years, every difficult time, every restless day he had been through, his fear, his anxiety, would mean nothing. He remembered the tears he held back when he was at the verge of giving up. He remembered how hard it was to raise himself and not to stop. He remembered how hard he held back when the longing of Yunho’s touch and smile was unbearable and stopped the urge to dial Yunho’s number, that he never forget; not even for just a second.
He had promised Yunho in his letter that whatever Yunho’s decision, he would accept it. He will be stronger and he had to bear the consequences. Even though what Yunho decided would be hatred and rejection, he would accept everything. But... Junsu was right. Everything he said did make sense, because no matter what, he wasn’t the only one who suffered through the separation, but Yunho as well. He knew that he was too selfish… that he wanted to be the best for Yunho and did everything to reach his goal, but he never thought about how Yunho would feel, about how Yunho expected him to be... And now he was afraid. He was afraid that Yunho will really hate him forever. He didn't want that and he could die if it would happen.
He bit his lips really hard, looking onto his lap so the tears won’t ever fall down to the ground as he won’t let Junsu see them.
He heard Junsu inhale some air and then he felt the other’s hand on top of his, squeezing it in a calming way. “I’m sorry, Min. I shouldn’t have to be so harsh on you. It just came out, and I guess that I’ve been releasing my worries and anxiety on you.”
Changmin closed his eyes, trying his best to control his emotions and forcing a weak smile to Junsu who was looking really worried.
“It’s okay, hyung. I’m sorry too for making you worry.”
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The situation was deteriorating each passing day. He was watching the man he loved with all his heart ignoring his presence and treating him like he was nothing. And it was more sad when Changmin couldn’t do anything to fix it, only watching Yunho’s back while walking away from him without sparing even a glance, passing him by just like that, pretending that Changmin was only a shadow and invisible in his sight.
Was this his punishment?
To not be able to reach for Yunho’s love after so long...
Was this his reward?
To be able to watch Yunho smiling to the others, but his smile was never for him...
Then it was really a terrible reward… A cruel one…
God… No!!
It was the end of his shift when Changmin finally realized that maintaining silence and doing nothing won’t change the situation between him and Yunho. No matter how, he had to talk to Yunho. He had to try, no matter what reaction he will get from Yunho. He won’t stop until Yunho will agree to talk to him and listen to every explanation he had. Because for Changmin, living like this, was just like a hell without Yunho lightening up his day, without Yunho’s smile warming and encouraging his heart, without Yunho’s love to complete his life… And five years without Yunho were enough. He didn’t want to be away from Yunho anymore.
So Changmin went to Yunho’s office. He knocked the door lightly before opening it. Peering inside, Changmin was upset to find that Yunho wasn’t there. He carefully closed the door and walked away, with a slow step. Changmin walked away from Yunho’s office, heading towards the staff room to gather his belongings before going home, to Junsu’s apartment, since the older man already had his own. He thought that maybe this was not his day. But it was before he spotted Yunho in the empty hall, looking so peaceful while gazing through the large glass window, at the hospital’s garden enlightened by the moonlight.
Changmin stopped, staring at Yunho’s figure with fully adoration. Since he was back, he never saw Yunho’s appearance in detail and, watching him like this, Changmin seemed so lost. The older man got more and more handsome and so mature, in every way, he had never known before. He was so perfect with his doctor’s uniform.
Just like before, Yunho’s strong face that Changmin knew was glimmered by the moonlight. His wistful eyes, his cheeks, his pointed nose, and his gracefully long neck… It never changed, only looked to be more mature and solemn. He never knew that Yunho could be this breathtaking. His features were so perfect that Changmin was sure he had never seen any other man as perfect as Yunho was to him.
There were so many things Changmin recalled about Yunho. Things he will never forget. He always kept every little detail of Yunho in his mind and it seemed that his brain had a special place to store everything about him.
Beneath his wry and stupid grins, there was kindness.
Beneath Yunho’s childish reactions, there was affection.
Beneath Yunho’s smiles, there was gentleness.
Inside Yunho’s arms, there was protection.
Beyond Yunho’s angers, there was concern and also worries.
Beyond Yunho’s tears, there was insecurity.
Beneath Yunho’s kisses, there was unbreakable promise.
And under Yunho’s touches, there was love.
His thought brought a smile to Changmin’s mouth. He clutched his heart and felt his heart beating, with a steady rhythm and the same pace, but it felt so good, so warm, and he knew only Yunho could create such feeling inside him. Changmin decided that he will never give up on Yunho. He had to fight to have Yunho’s love back.
When Changmin stepped forward, Yunho turned his head as if sensing someone’s presence around him in the empty hall. And their eyes met.
The moment was so perfect like there was nothing that could come between the two of them as they stared to each other and lost between two different orbs, diving into the deep and sweet gaze of their eyes. Changmin was pretty much sure that he didn’t want this to end. He wanted to be absorbed into Yunho’s eyes. He wanted them to trap him inside so that he would never be able to look away from Yunho. Not anymore.
Unfortunately, reality woke him up from his reverie when Yunho’s eyes weren’t fixated to him anymore. As he looked away, Yunho attempted to walk to the opposite direction, but Changmin wasn’t going to let him. He rushed his feet and caught Yunho’s wrist with his hand.
Yunho turned his body only to give Changmin a glare. Changmin winced, but at least he can elicit a real reaction from Yunho, not a friendly-fake one.
“Yunho, please, don’t be like this.” Changmin was practically begging and he didn’t care.
He saw Yunho rolled his eyes, but then fixing a cold gaze to Changmin. “Do you have something to discuss with me, Dr Shim?” He freed his hand from Changmin’s grip in one wrench. And it was neither smooth nor gentle.
Changmin bit his lower lip. There, Yunho did it again.
“Please, stop pretending like you don’t know me at all, Yunho. We need to talk.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Dr Shim. If there’s nothing important that we should talk, please excuse me, there’s something I need to do in my office.”
Changmin tried to catch up with Yunho as the older man spun around and walked away, but a voice stopped him.
“Ah! Changmin, there you are.” Dr. Kim Jaejoong, which seemed to be in a hurry, ran towards him..
At a glance, Changmin knew that it was important. Changmin worked under him and lately he had been spending a lot of time with Dr Kim whether it was for work or just for a friendly talk. And Changmin discovered it was fun to talk to the senior doctor. He was kind and funny, and it was really easy to talk to him if there was anything about hospital and its regulation that Changmin didn’t understand.
Changmin looked to Dr Kim and then to Yunho’s back in afar, and sighed silently. He felt so miserable that his problem with Yunho had to wait for another time.
“Yes, Dr Kim?”
“I’m so glad you haven’t left yet. Assist me at the operation theatre. We need to perform an emergency surgery in five minutes. Hurry, change your uniform. I’ll be waiting for you.”
“Right away, Dr. Kim.”
Yunho can wait, but not human’s life. That was what Changmin thought before he nodded to Dr Kim and beckoning that he was ready.
Wordlessly, Changmin ran back towards the staff room to change. He went to the sterile room next to the theatre, wearing the special uniform and cleaned his hands with soap and antiseptic liquid. He wore his rubber gloves and joined the team in the operating theatre. They were waiting with serious faces.
Three hours later, the surgery was over successfully and Changmin relaxed himself now, in the almost empty cafeteria, avoiding two nurses, a couple of tables ahead from his, which frequently leered over him and giggling to each other. Changmin only smiled at the rather obvious flirting acts.
It was past 9 o’clock in the evening and Changmin shifted alone on his seat with a paper cup of tea nicely settled in front of him. Now he understood the exhaustion that Yunho always nagged on him before, but he knew this feeling. The tension was a little bit too heavy and it was a little tiresome for him, but he knew that it was because he still new to this life and stuff, and he’ll be accustomed to it.
“Aren’t you going home, Changmin? Your shift is over, right?”
Changmin looked up, a little bit surprised from the sudden voice but immediately smiling to the senior doctor who took a seat in front of him.
“Still want to be here, Dr Kim.” He answered shortly.
The older man chuckled at him, “I feel like a 40 years old ahjusshi if you keep calling me that, don’t you know?”
Changmin laughed in amusement on his senior remark at his answer. “I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re my senior and I respect you so much.”
“Ah, it goes well with work, but now we’re not working. And I’m asking you to relax around me. I’m not the kind of arrogant doctor, am I?”
Changmin smiled again, “Of course you’re not. I’m sorry if I made you think of yourself like that.”
“So Changmin… Tell me about yourself.”
Changmin’s frowned and the senior doctor noticed the uncomfortable expression over his face. “Oh… If you don’t mind of course…” He added.
Changmin shook his head. “There’s nothing interesting in my life to be told, Dr Kim.”
“Oh you won’t know until you tell me all about it. Interesting or not, it’s left for me to decide, isn’t it?”
“Really, Dr Kim, there’s nothing to be told…” Changmin tried to convince him but later he found that the senior doctor was very persistent and he can’t help himself to give up on his request. “Okay then, so what do you want to know about my life?”
“Hmm… you can start with your family…”
“I’m an orphan, my parents died when I was 14.” Changmin answered quickly, not wanting the pain that was already long forgotten to be reminded to him.
“Oh I’m sorry, I don’t mean to…”
“No, please don’t Dr Kim. It’s okay.”
The older man smiled apologetically but soon he was grinning at him. “Okay then, do you have siblings?”
“Nope…”
The other man nodded acknowledging. “Hmm... why do you want to be a doctor?”
Over this question, Changmin needed a little longer time to answer. He knew the answer very well, but the question needed so much explanation, and Changmin didn’t know where to start.
Instead, he answered, “You could say that I got influenced by someone.” He smiles.
“Someone in a close relationship?”
Changmin inhaled lightly, ignoring the pain stabbing his heart: “Maybe…”
“Is it someone special?” The older man asked another question, hints of mischief in his eyes and Changmin had to fight the urge to roll his eyes.
“Why do I keep on feeling that I am under an interrogating session?” He said bluntly, and the other man laughed, failing to notice the note of sarcasm in Changmin’s voice.
Oh well, Changmin thought, this was one of Dr. Kim’s special ability. Even though he was rather annoyed and distraught by him, the older man kept talking and talking until he left Changmin with no choice but relax around him. He sighed mentally.
It wasn’t a bad thing anyway.
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Part C