Dear Journal: Entry Six - Leeteuk
Dear Diary Journal
Entry Six - Leeteuk
Dear Journal,
The founding of the Milk Club that I told you about is going well. We already have two additional members that have joined our ranks. Tomorrow we all have a thirty minute break in our schedules to discuss our ideas for a five step plan. I am hopeful that we will come up with something solid that we can put into immediate use and give to future members.
I feel a bit better this morning, although Kangin would yell at me if he knew I was up this early to write instead of sleeping after our late night last night. Thankfully he is still snoring beside me. I insisted that he stay over after everything was done since it was so late.
Last night we had one of our Super Junior meetings, the kind where we kick anyone who is not a member out of our apartment for the duration. Henry and Zhou mi were even able to make it, since both were in the country for rehearsals this week.
We started with a bit of talk about our tour. We have several suggestions that I will be bring up to management to see if we could not make it a bit better. Then we moved onto other subjects. I confided some of the reason for my depression to them. It felt good to be able to express to them what I have been feeling and I am surprised at how many of them feel the same but hide it. I suspect we will be having more of our meetings as things progress.
Let me record what my major depression stems from in here as a record.
I find myself in a dilemma of who I should be. Should I remain Leeteuk or should I become Jungsoo?
Jungsoo could meet a woman and fall passionately in love with her. He could court her long enough to find out if they were really meant to be together or not. Then, once he has decided, Jungsoo could ask her to if she would build a life together with him. Together they could build a home that is welcoming to all of their friends and family.
Then, when they are ready, the can make that home even bigger. Jungsoo can have one child. Or perhaps he and the woman he loves will decide that they want more than one. Maybe two. Maybe three. Maybe as many as they will be blessed with.
Jungsoo can spend his time teaching them how to be. Teaching them all the things he knows. Then he can slowly let them drift off on their own, being certain that they know that they will always have a place to return to and at least two people who love them.
Jungsoo can watch them grow up and begin families of their own. He can happily grow old beside his wife and soon enough his children can return the favor and care for him. With any luck Jungsoo can spend his last days, late in his life, with the woman he has loved for years, the children he has created, and the family they have made.
Leeteuk, on the other hand, could continue to sing. He could keep working at being a better star and leader. Leeteuk would be able to do the very thing that he loves so much. He would be able to have many more moments and many more times when he found himself thankful to all of his fans.
He wouldn’t be alone. Leeteuk would be surrounded by 14 men who have become closer then family to him. They would be there to help him with whatever he wanted. They would be the people closest to his heart. The ones that he has made so many promises to and for, and the ones who have made them in return.
Eventually Leeteuk could ask for his own show. He would undoubtedly get one. Then he could hopefully spend several happy seasons MCing beside some of the people dearest to him.
Perhaps ten to twenty years from now, when Super Junior has faded from the spot light and someone else has taken that place, he might be able to find a woman who would still want him. Perhaps not. Maybe he will be able to start a family. Maybe not.
He may spend the remainder of his days single; with the people he cares about, but single.
I must choose one or the other. I cannot be both. I cannot have the best of both worlds. I must choose what it is that I want.
I don’t know.
~ Leeteuk
Entry Seven - Heechul
Master Post
Entry Six - Leeteuk
Dear Journal,
The founding of the Milk Club that I told you about is going well. We already have two additional members that have joined our ranks. Tomorrow we all have a thirty minute break in our schedules to discuss our ideas for a five step plan. I am hopeful that we will come up with something solid that we can put into immediate use and give to future members.
I feel a bit better this morning, although Kangin would yell at me if he knew I was up this early to write instead of sleeping after our late night last night. Thankfully he is still snoring beside me. I insisted that he stay over after everything was done since it was so late.
Last night we had one of our Super Junior meetings, the kind where we kick anyone who is not a member out of our apartment for the duration. Henry and Zhou mi were even able to make it, since both were in the country for rehearsals this week.
We started with a bit of talk about our tour. We have several suggestions that I will be bring up to management to see if we could not make it a bit better. Then we moved onto other subjects. I confided some of the reason for my depression to them. It felt good to be able to express to them what I have been feeling and I am surprised at how many of them feel the same but hide it. I suspect we will be having more of our meetings as things progress.
Let me record what my major depression stems from in here as a record.
I find myself in a dilemma of who I should be. Should I remain Leeteuk or should I become Jungsoo?
Jungsoo could meet a woman and fall passionately in love with her. He could court her long enough to find out if they were really meant to be together or not. Then, once he has decided, Jungsoo could ask her to if she would build a life together with him. Together they could build a home that is welcoming to all of their friends and family.
Then, when they are ready, the can make that home even bigger. Jungsoo can have one child. Or perhaps he and the woman he loves will decide that they want more than one. Maybe two. Maybe three. Maybe as many as they will be blessed with.
Jungsoo can spend his time teaching them how to be. Teaching them all the things he knows. Then he can slowly let them drift off on their own, being certain that they know that they will always have a place to return to and at least two people who love them.
Jungsoo can watch them grow up and begin families of their own. He can happily grow old beside his wife and soon enough his children can return the favor and care for him. With any luck Jungsoo can spend his last days, late in his life, with the woman he has loved for years, the children he has created, and the family they have made.
Leeteuk, on the other hand, could continue to sing. He could keep working at being a better star and leader. Leeteuk would be able to do the very thing that he loves so much. He would be able to have many more moments and many more times when he found himself thankful to all of his fans.
He wouldn’t be alone. Leeteuk would be surrounded by 14 men who have become closer then family to him. They would be there to help him with whatever he wanted. They would be the people closest to his heart. The ones that he has made so many promises to and for, and the ones who have made them in return.
Eventually Leeteuk could ask for his own show. He would undoubtedly get one. Then he could hopefully spend several happy seasons MCing beside some of the people dearest to him.
Perhaps ten to twenty years from now, when Super Junior has faded from the spot light and someone else has taken that place, he might be able to find a woman who would still want him. Perhaps not. Maybe he will be able to start a family. Maybe not.
He may spend the remainder of his days single; with the people he cares about, but single.
I must choose one or the other. I cannot be both. I cannot have the best of both worlds. I must choose what it is that I want.
I don’t know.
~ Leeteuk
Entry Seven - Heechul
Master Post