[F03] POSTSCRIPT
Prompt Code: F03
Title: postscript
Rating: pg-13
Side pairings (if any): none
Word Count: 7,966
Summary: Kim Jongin writes fan letters to his favorite actor Do Kyungsoo, pouring out his heart and soul. He never expects Kyungsoo to actually read the letters and remember Jongin when they finally meet. But he does.
Warnings: none
AN: thank you to the very sweet and patient mods. credit for the poodle doodles in jongin’s letters go to these line stickers, not mine!
Kyungsoo hyung,
It’s been almost a month since I last wrote you. I suddenly felt like writing you again because I had a bad day at work today, and it always helps if I can pretend you’re listening. I’ve missed a couple of deadlines, and my editor told me today they’ll discontinue my series if I don’t finish something within two weeks ㅠㅠ I’ll try to work hard like you.
I re-watched part of It’s Okay, That’s Love today. It always makes me feel better. How have you accomplished so much in three short years? Of course, it’s because you’re the best actor ever ^^ But also because of your determination and hard work! I wish I could be like you. I can’t believe it’s been three years since I fell in love with you became your fan. Every day, it becomes more and more worth it.
Monggu fell asleep in the middle of an episode!! ㅎㅎ I know it’s offensive, but let’s try to forgive him because it’s his birthday today ^^ They grow up so fast ㅠㅠ
Congratulations on the release of your new movie. Fighting!
Love Sincerely,
Kim Jongin
“Jongin. Jongin.”
Jongin jerks awake when he feels a sharp kick to his shin. “Unhgh,” he mumbles, sitting up. He leans over and rubs at his shin with a pout. “Why did you kick me?”
“I’m hungry,” Sehun says, crossing his arms. “Let’s get dinner.”
Jongin rubs the back of his neck where he can already feel a crick from falling asleep on his desk. He squints and checks the clock - it’s already nine. “Shit,” he says, glancing down at the paper on his desk. He’d fallen asleep on his letter, a little bit of drool seeping into the paper and ruining his drawing of Monggu’s tail. “Shit. I’m supposed to be working on a new chapter.”
As nice as Jongin’s editor Joonmyun is, he’s had to put his foot down recently. It’s been months since Jongin lasted finished a chapter for his webtoon, posted under his pseudonym KAI, and fans of the series are getting antsy. He should have finished it weeks ago. The thing is: he doesn’t have any ideas. The main character, Haneul, bares a striking resemblance to Jongin’s favorite actor-Do Kyungsoo. Drawing Kyungsoo has always come easy to him - the smooth curve of his cheeks, his wide eyes, his round lips. Jongin knows his face well enough that he could probably draw it in his sleep. It should be easy.
Sehun scoffs. “If you have time to write a letter to someone who will never even read it,” he says, staring pointedly at the letter on Jongin’s desk, “then you have time to get dinner. Come on, we’ll just grab something quick at the pojangmacha down the street.”
Jongin rests his arms over top of his letter defensively before responding. “Sehun, I can’t.”
Thirty minutes later and Jongin is stuffing his face with soondae while the sweet ahjumma who runs the stall brings them a bottle of soju. Jongin doesn’t know how he does it, but Sehun always gets his way.
“Our Jonginnie eats so well,” the ahjumma coos after she sits the bottle down, ruffling his hair.
Jongin blushes. Living just five minutes away, he and Sehun come here often enough that she knows them both by name. In fact, she probably knows a lot more about them than either of them would like considering the number of times they’ve gotten shit-faced drunk off soju and waxed poetic about their lives.
Sehun pours them both a shot. “Any plans for your birthday?”
“Not yet,” Jongin says, his mouth still full of soondae.
Sehun grimaces and Jongin laughs. Jongin’s birthday is in two weeks and if he’s honest, he does have plans: visit his parents, cuddle with Monggu in bed, and watch every single Marvel film in succession. He knows if he tells Sehun about these plans, he’ll somehow end up on a plane to Japan for a weekend trip instead.
“We’ll think of something,” Sehun says. “What should I get you anyway? Your lover boy have any new shit out?”
“It’s not shit,” Jongin huffs. Sehun never respects his love for Kyungsoo, but Jongin tries to think if there’s anything Kyungsoo-related he would want anyway. Kyungsoo’s new movie won’t be out on DVD for months and Jongin’s already seen it in theaters three times, and he hasn’t put out any new merchandise recently. “I don’t think so. The only thing he has coming up is a fanmeeting on his birthday.”
Sehun raises an eyebrow. “You’re not going?”
“Of course not,” Jongin says with a short laugh. “I’d probably piss my pants. Or maybe just pass out and die.”
Sehun snorts. “At least if you die you don’t have to worry about deadlines.”
Jongin slaps Sehun on the shoulder. “I hate you,” he says before downing another shot of soju.
“Let’s get another round of soondae,” Sehun says. Before Jongin can protest, Sehun’s already calling over the ahjumma and putting in an order.
Jongin groans. He’s absolutely stuffed and a little bit drunk - but more importantly he’s supposed to be getting home and working on the webtoon. Or working on coming up with an idea. He should be doing anything but sitting here and eating more soondae.
Sehun must notice his look of distress because he rolls his eyes. “Just watch some of Kyungsoo’s movies for inspiration. I’m sure you’d have no trouble with that.”
“If only it were that easy.” Jongin sighs.
Jongin is lying in bed a few days later, one hand petting Monggu who is snuggled into his side and the other attempting to work on his comic. He’s starting to get desperate, but instead of actually working on anything worthwhile he’s just been drawing pictures of Monggu in various outfits.
“How about a superhero poodle? Captain Monggu: The Poodle Solider,” Jongin says, giggling to himself.
Monggu doesn’t look amused.
The door to Jongin’s bedroom swings open just as he’s putting the finishing touches on Captain Monggu’s shield, almost making him jerk his pencil and mess up the whole thing. He pouts, prepared to tell Sehun off for never knocking, but instead he’s met with Chanyeol barreling over him while Sehun stands in the doorway. Monggu jumps off the bed and starts barking, nipping at Chanyeol’s heels that fall over the edge of the bed - he’s never liked Chanyeol.
Chanyeol is Sehun and Kai’s next door neighbor. He usually comes over for video game nights and sometimes even cooks for them because they can’t cook for themselves. Jongin has no idea why he’s here right now because they didn’t have any plans.
“What are you doing?” Jongin groans, trying to wedge his elbow into Chanyeol’s gut.
It has no effect and Chanyeol settles down harder, planting all his body weight on Jongin. Jongin grunts, digging his elbow harder into Chanyeol's spleen until he finally rolls off with a satisfied grin. Jongin huffs.
"What'cha working on?" Chanyeol asks, reaching for Jongin's sketchbook that's nearly falling off the bed after their rumble. He grabs it and instantly lets out a full-bodied laugh when he spots the drawing of Monggu with his Captain America shield. "This is amazing. Ha, Captain Monggu.”
Jongin bristles at his laughter, but his shoulders relax as Chanyeol's face settles into a smile. "Thanks," he mumbles, pulling the notebook out of Chanyeol's hands with a shy smile.
Jongin's a published webtoon author with thousands of hits on his work, but every compliment still makes him a little shy. It wasn't that long that he was being teased for drawing Gundam doodles in all of his notebooks at school.
"Anyway, what's up? Why are you guys here?"
Sehun finally walks further into the room and plops himself into Jongin's desk chair. He's holding an envelope and shoves it toward Jongin. "It's a little early, but we both chipped in to get you a birthday present," Sehun says. Jongin reaches out to grab the envelope, but Sehun pulls it just out of his reach. "I'm leaving the room if you say something cheesy."
Jongin huffs. Sehun raises an eyebrow, but finally let's Jongin grab the envelope. He rips it open and pulls out a smaller piece of paper - a ticket.
DO KYUNGSOO 25th BIRTHDAY FANMEETING
16.01.12
Entry for ONE (1)
"Oh my god," Jongin says, staring down at the ticket like it's going to suddenly sprout wings and fly away. Because this can't be real. He looks up at Sehun with wide eyes, his head turns quickly to Chanyeol, who's sporting a wide grin. "What-how-”
Sehun rolls his eyes. "You said you didn't want to go, but I knew you did."
Sehun's right. Jongin always tells himself he doesn't really want to go to Kyungsoo's events. He’ll embarrass himself, say something stupid, make Kyungsoo hate him forever. As much as he's always wanted to see Kyungsoo in person-stare into his eyes, count the moles along the slope of his neck, breathe the same air-he's been too nervous. Now that he's got the tickets, there's no way he can't go. He's going to see Do Kyungsoo in person.
"I love you guys," Jongin says, jumping up and throwing his arms around Sehun in a tight hug.
"I said nothing cheesy," Sehun grunts, but his arms loop around Jongin's waist anyway. "I can't believe you're crying, loser."
"I'm not crying," Jongin protests, bringing his hands up to wipe at his eyes.
Okay, maybe just a little.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Jongin whispers to himself as he finds his seat in the venue.
It’s five minutes before Kyungsoo’s fanmeeting is supposed to start, and Jongin can’t stop his legs from jittering as he sits. He’s surrounded by other Kyungsoo fans - mostly girls, younger than him. Some of them glance at him as he passes and it makes Jongin want to hide his face. It’s time like these he’s glad he writes under a pseudonym. He still needs to keep a low profile, not draw too much attention to himself-
As the lights dim, Jongin jumps out of his seat along with the rest of the fans around him and screams his head off. It’s time.
Kyungsoo walks out and Jongin feels his breath catch in his throat. He’s always known that Kyungsoo is attractive, of course, but he looks so much better in person. He’s glowing, even in just his simple sweater and jeans, with a small smile on his face.
“Hello, everyone,” he says, giving a wave to the crowd. “Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me. Please sit, let’s get comfortable.”
Jongin almost swoons at the gentle way Kyungsoo speaks. He sits and tries to calm himself down because there’s no way he’s surviving two hours of this in his current state. Kyungsoo continues to talk, introducing himself properly and thanking everyone for coming again. Jongin smiles at the cute way he squints into the crowd, trying to see everyone’s face.
“You guys know I’m not good at this kind of thing,” Kyungsoo says with a small laugh. Jongin and the rest of the fans laugh along as he continues. “Don’t worry, we’ll have someone else joining us soon to help me.”
Jongin is already pretty sure he knows who that will be - Byun Baekhyun, a famous ballad singer and Kyungsoo’s best friend. Any Kyungsoo fan knows about their relationship and even appreciates it, as they often go on variety shows together so that Baekhyun can help Kyungsoo talk more. If it weren’t for Baekhyun, Kyungsoo probably wouldn’t go on any shows.
As the fanmeeting continues, Jongin can’t take his eyes off of Kyungsoo. Not even when Baekhyun enters twenty minutes later, and especially not when Kyungsoo sings his OST from Cart. Even though Kyungsoo’s an actor, he has a beautiful voice. Even his speaking voice is beautiful, deep and steady. Jongin could listen to him talk for hours.
“Okay, now we’re going to play a game,” Kyungsoo says after he’s finished singing, taking a seat on the couch set up in the middle of the stage.
“This was my idea,” Baekhyun says with a smarmy grin.
“Shush,” Kyungsoo says, elbowing Baekhyun in the ribs. “We’ll be doing a quiz on how well you guys know me. Just show an ‘O’ with your arms if the statement is true, and an ‘X’ if it’s false. Ten winners will receive a prize! Does everyone understand?”
“Yes,” Jongin shouts along with the rest of the fans.
The game starts out easy: questions about the date of Kyungsoo’s debut, how many siblings he has, what’s his favorite color. Jongin gets them all without hesitation, but then the questions start getting harder: what does his mom do for a living, how many shows has Kyungsoo appeared on in the last year, how many times does he sing the word “why” in his OST. Somehow, Jongin gets these right too. Before he knows it, he’s one of the last ten remaining and a guard is leading him toward the stage to collect his prize. From Kyungsoo.
Oh my god, Jongin thinks. His hands start to shake as he steps on the stage, and the rest of the room disappears when he steps in front of Kyungsoo’s - all he can do is stare at Kyungsoo’s eyes and his face, the curve of his lips and the slope of his jaw. He’s beautiful.
“A male fan!” Baekhyun says when Jongin steps up, and Jongin can feel the blush rising to his cheeks.
“Congratulations,” Kyungsoo says, reaching out to shake Jongin’s hand.
“Happy birthday, hyung.” Jongin blushes at the sight of Kyungsoo’s hand in his, so small and soft in comparison to Jongin’s own.
“Thank you,” Kyungsoo says with a small smile.
“My birthday-um, I.” Jongin raises his hands to cup his own cheeks, feeling the heat of his blush. “My birthday is in two days.”
“Ah, really?” Kyungsoo says, looking up with wide eyes. Jongin feels his breath catch in his throat. He never thought he’d get to see Kyungsoo’s cute eyes looking up at him. “Happy birthday. Let me sign for you. What’s your name?”
“Kim Jongin.”
“Ah!” Kyungsoo exclaims, and Jongin takes a step back, worried he’s done something wrong. “Poodle! You always draw a poodle in your letters.”
Jongin gapes. He’s written letters to Kyungsoo on and off for years, but he never expected Kyungsoo to actually read them, much less actually remember him. He knows Kyungsoo gets hundreds of letters and gifts. How can he possibly remember Jongin’s? Before Jongin can even think to respond, Kyungsoo’s handing him his signature and saying goodbye with a smile while Jongin’s led away by the guard. He’s still in a daze when the fanmeet ends, but he still manages to text Sehun: he knows who i am!!!!!!! It’s going to be a long time before he gets over this.
Jongin’s still in a daze when he returns to work the next week. Seeing Kyungsoo’s face in person gave him the inspiration needed to finish his chapter, but now that that’s done, Jongin can’t stop daydreaming and thinking about Kyungsoo. He usually alternates between working from home and working from a studio with his editor, but he’s been sticking to the studio to try to force himself to pay attention. Jongin’s always thought about Kyungsoo, but now it’s worse - his mind is a constant running loop of Kyungsoo’s face, his smile, the feel of his hands, the fact that he knows and remembers who Jongin is-
“Jongin,” Joonmyun says, pulling Jongin out of his daydream.
“Huh? Yes?” Jongin says, sitting up at his desk and trying to pretend that he was actually doing work.
The blank piece of paper on his desk betrays him. Joonmyun doesn’t seem to care because he’s grinning from ear to ear. He places his hand on Jongin’s shoulder and squeezes.
“I have great news,” Joonmyun says. “I’ve just spoken with a producer who wants to produce an adaptation of your webtoon for TVN.”
Jongin gapes. “What?”
Sure, Jongin’s webtoon is moderately successful - successful enough for him to have been able to quit his part time job at the convenience store and write full time. It’s his most successful webtoon yet, but he never thought it would be popular enough to warrant a drama adaption. Jongin loves writing and drawing, but he never thought anything would actually come out of it.
“All we need is your okay,” Joonmyun says.
Jongin nods without thinking. “Of course.”
“I think this is going to be really great for you. Rumors have already hit the web, and people are excited.” Joonmyun squeezes Jongin’s shoulder again before he’s off, probably going to make all the necessary calls to get this thing started.
Jongin idly pulls up Naver as soon as Joonmyun’s gone. He didn’t think about it at first, but now he realizes the amount of attention he and his webtoon get is going to increase. A lot. He gulps. Jongin clicks on the first article he sees about the rumor of his webtoon being made into a drama. He ignores all of the text and skips right to the comments.
1. [+1,427, -436] Hul… don’t ruin it
2. [+841, -277] ㅋㅋㅋ Will we finally learn Kai’s real identity?
3. [+678, -94] I hope they don’t mess up Haneul ㅠㅠ He’s perfect
4. [+304, -56] Please cast Kyungsoo oppa as Haneul. He looks just like him!
Jongin flushes. So people have noticed the physical resemblance between Jongin’s main character and Kyungsoo. He would be embarrassed, but he’s too busy imagining it. Not that it would ever actually happen. It’s been years since Kyungsoo was last in a drama, and he’s more focused on his movie career. But now that he’s started, Jongin can’t stop imagining Kyungsoo speaking the lines he’s written, bringing life to the character Jongin has spent years writing. That’s when it really hits Jongin: he’s going to get to see his creation come to life.
And he’s going to reward himself by going to see Kyungsoo’s new movie. Again.
Kyungsoo hyung,
It’s been a couple of weeks since we met… but I can’t stop thinking about that day ㅠㅠㅠㅠ You knew who I was… Thank you for being so kind. You said you aren’t good at those kinds of things, but I don’t think you even needed Baekhyun hyung’s help!! You have gotten so much better at speaking since your debut… I’m proud of you ㅎ
I got some good news at work today. I think meeting you was my good luck charm ㅋㅋ Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Sincerely,
Kim Jongin
With a little push from his friends, Jongin decides to attend Kyungsoo’s fan signing a few weeks later. He has to admit that after meeting him at the fanmeeting weeks ago, Jongin isn’t satisfied just watching him through the screen anymore. Maybe it’s dangerous, but he wants more.
Jongin grips the flowers tight in his hands as the line moves quickly forward. He’s starting to regret buying these as a gift for Kyungsoo - what if he thinks it’s weird to get flowers from a guy? Sometimes Jongin can forget he’s one of few male fans in a pool of young women, but not when he’s surrounded by them like he is right now. Before Jongin can think too much about it, it’s his turn.
He steps up onto the stage where Kyungsoo is seated behind a table and hands him the flowers. Suddenly he feels like he can’t speak, instead staring at the way Kyungsoo’s mouth lifts at one corner before it pulls into a smile.
“Thank you,” Kyungsoo says, filling the silence. He pulls one flower from the bouquet Jongin gave him and hands it back.
“T-thank you,” Jongin stutters.
He holds the flower in one hand while trying to set his poster for Kyungsoo to sign down with other, but he fumbles and the poster falls. “Sorry!” Jongin says as he reaches out to grab it at the same time Kyungsoo does, their hands accidentally brushing.
“No touching,” Kyungsoo’s guard says from behind them.
“I-I wasn’t,” Jongin says, starting to pull away.
“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo says, giving Jongin’s hand a small squeeze before letting it go. “Jongin, right? Would you like me to add anything special?”
Jongin can still feel the ghost of Kyungsoo’s touch on his palm, and Kyungsoo isn’t looking away from Jongin’s eyes even though he’s signing Jongin’s poster. It takes Jongin’s breath away.
“Can you draw Monggu? My poodle,” Jongin says with a blush.
Kyungsoo grins and starts drawing as soon as he’s done with his signature. The result is kind of similar to a poodle - it’s a mass of squiggles that somewhat resemble the body of a dog and two eyes. Jongin is pretty sure it’s the cutest thing ever. He would get it as a tattoo. Kyungsoo laughs at himself before he hands the poster back to Jongin. Jongin smiles.
“It’s not as good as yours,” Kyungsoo says.
“It’s perfect,” Jongin says before he can stop himself. “Congratulations on your new movie, hyung. I hope we can see you on the small screen again soon.”
Kyungsoo gives him a small smile. “You might hear some good news soon.”
Jongin’s eyes widen, but before he can ask for more details, the guard is leading him off stage and making room for the next person behind him. Everything happened so quickly that Jongin isn’t sure it was even real, but the flower from Kyungsoo he’s holding in his hands sure seems real. He’s going to rush home to put that in water because it’s never going to die if he has anything to do with it.
Jongin gets so wrapped up in work for the next few weeks that he doesn’t have much time to think about Kyungsoo. He’s trying to balance meeting after meeting about the drama while updating his webtoon at the same time. Despite that, everything is going really well. They’ve even let Jongin have some input into the writing of the drama and today he gets to meet some of the potential actors. He doesn’t get final say, but it’s enough for him that he’s involved at all.
Jongin waits in a meeting room at the TVN offices for the producer to come and introduce him to the potential male lead. Jongin, and everyone else, knows that this is the most important casting - he’s going to be very critical. Haneul is his baby and they have to get him right.
When the door opens and the producer leads the actor in, Jongin gapes.
“This is Do Kyungsoo,” the producer says he leads them into the room. “He’s a popular fancast for the role. Kyungsoo, this is Kim Jongin, the creator of the webtoon.”
Kyungsoo’s eyebrows lift slightly when he sees Jongin, but he makes no other indication that he recognizes him. “It’s nice to meet you,” Kyungsoo says, reaching out to shake Jongin’s hand. “I’m a fan of your work.”
“Likewise,” Jongin says, and he can see the corner of Kyungsoo’s mouth twitch, like he’s trying to hold back a smile.
“I’ll leave you two alone to get aquatinted and discuss the role,” the producer says before he steps out.
Jongin’s still in a daze. He’s in a room alone with Kyungsoo. This is nothing like the previous times he’s met him, with security and other fans surrounding him. But no matter how difficult it is not to fanboy out, Jongin has to try to stay professional. He has to remember that this is about the webtoon.
“Um, should we sit?” Jongin manages to say, and it sounds forced even to his ears.
Kyungsoo nods and they both take a seat at the meeting table in the middle of the room. For the first time, Jongin takes a good look at Kyungsoo. He’s wearing casual clothes today: a plain white t-shirt and a pair of black jeans. He’s also wearing his glasses that are big and round, and Jongin kind of wants to coo at how cute he looks. Professional, Jongin thinks. Stay professional. If Kyungsoo’s not going to bring up that they’ve met before, Jongin sure isn’t-
“It seems we keep running into each other,” Kyungsoo says, meeting Jongin’s eyes. “You’re very vague about your job in your letters, so I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“I didn’t expect to see you here either,” Jongin says. He shifts his eyes down to the table. “I mean, I’m sorry. It probably freaks you out. I-I’m not a stalker!”
“No, no. I know it’s just a coincidence.” Kyungsoo chuckles.
Jongin breathes out a sigh of relief. The last thing he wants is for Kyungsoo to think he’s some stalker fan.
“No wonder you draw so well,” Kyungsoo says. “I really enjoy the drawings of your poodle.”
When Jongin looks up, Kyungsoo is still looking right at him, smiling. Jongin flushes. Jongin started out drawing doodles of Monggu on his letters a long time ago, thinking it might help his letters stand out. He knows other people probably send Kyungsoo amazing and detailed fanart, so he didn’t expect the doodles of his poodle to actually work.
“Thank you. I’m really happy you like my work.” Jongin smiles. He pinches himself under the table in an attempt to remind himself not to get distracted. “So what do you think about Haneul?” Jongin says, steering the conversation back to the webtoon. That’s a safe topic, something Jongin knows better than anyone else and can talk about comfortably, even with someone like Do Kyungsoo.
Kyungsoo taps his fingers lightly against the table. It’s a habit, Jongin knows, when he’s thinking.
“I think he’s very sweet and very romantic. He’s kind of like the perfect guy, right?” Kyungsoo says, raising an eyebrow. Jongin nods, and Kyungsoo takes it as a sign to continue. “But there’s also this vulnerability to him. He’s been through a lot, with his mom leaving. I think that hit him hard. It’s like rather than his kindness being completely genuine, it’s a shield. He doesn’t know who he is, so he fakes it.” Kyungsoo finishes with a soft chuckle. “Of course, that’s just my interpretation.”
“No, no,” Jongin says. He hesitates for a moment before continuing. “That’s kind of… spot on. I’m surprised, a lot of people see him as more of a one-note character.”
“I don’t think any of your characters are one-note,” Kyungsoo says with a smile. “But especially not Haneul. I think there’s something in him that everyone can relate to. Not knowing who you are or who you’re supposed to be… ha. Sorry, I’m getting carried away.”
“No…” Jongin says. “I’m really glad you think that about him.”
“I see myself in him,” Kyungsoo continues. “That’s why I was really drawn to this project. People thinking I look like the character is just a bonus.”
There’s a lot in Haneul that Jongin took from his own experience, but he never really expected someone like Kyungsoo to know what that felt like too. Kyungsoo is famous - he’s had more success in the three years since his acting debut than some actors have in their entire careers. But meeting him today makes Jongin realize that Kyungsoo is a real person, not just an actor, and not as different from Jongin as he always thought.
Kyungsoo and Jongin talk for a little while longer about Haneul, the webtoon, and the direction they both see his character taking. Jongin doesn’t think he’s ever talked to someone who gets it as much as Kyungsoo does, not even the head writer of the drama.
“So, what do you think?” the producer says after Kyungsoo’s left.
“He’s perfect,” Jongin says with a smile.
For once, it has nothing to do with the fact that Jongin’s a fan.
“He’s perfect,” Jongin sighs, falling onto the coach and leaning his head on Sehun’s shoulders.
Sehun rolls his eyes. Jongin texted him the exact same as soon as he was done with his meeting with Kyungsoo, but Jongin thinks it deserves repeating. He swats at Sehun’s hands that is holding his phone so that he’ll pay attention.
“Get off me, lover boy,” Sehun grunts, elbowing Jongin in the ribs. “You’re acting like Monggu.”
Jongin pinches Sehun’s nipple through his shirt and laughs as he yelps in pain. It succeeds in getting Sehun to put his phone down, but now it looks like he wants revenge. Jongin scoots away before he can touch him.
“I can’t believe I had an extended conversation with Do Kyungsoo,” Jongin says.
“And you didn’t even have to pay for it this time,” Sehun says.
Jongin punches him in the shoulder and he cackles. Sehun’s right, though, it’s different talking to Kyungsoo in a different setting. The fanmeeting and fansign were schedules where Kyungsoo had to present himself to the fans, depict an image. The meeting today was a schedule, too - Jongin’s not delusional enough to believe that it was anything but work for Kyungsoo, but it still felt a little more real.
“How am I going to work around him like a normal person?” Jongin whines. “I’m in love with him.”
“You’re not in love with him,” Sehun says, patting Jongin on the knee. “You’re in love with actor Do Kyungsoo. This guy you just met? Regular person Do Kyungsoo. Totally different.”
“I guess you have a point,” Jongin says.
Jongin’s been in love with the idea of Do Kyungsoo for a long time, but he doesn’t know anything about the person Kyungsoo really is, when he’s off schedule and just hanging out with friends, when he’s helping his mother with his work, when he’s relaxing at home. Maybe they can start from the beginning.
Jongin doesn’t have many chances to meet Kyungsoo once filming begins. Kyungsoo is busy and Jongin only visits the set once every week or so the check on things. Each time they meet, though, Jongin is surprised that Kyungsoo treats him more like a colleague than a fan. Jongin tries his best to separate person Kyungsoo from Do Kyungsoo, but he can’t quite forget that Kyungsoo knows things about him that his own parents don’t even know. He lays his soul out in those letters.
One day a couple weeks into filming, Kyungsoo approaches Jongin when he’s on set.
“Hey,” Kyungsoo says, his mouth pulling into a smile. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”
Jongin tries very hard not to flush at the fact that Kyungsoo notices when he’s not here. It’s not like Jongin’s anything special, he knows. Kyungsoo makes it a point to remember all of the staffs names and greets them whenever he sees them. That doesn’t stop Jongin’s stomach from filling with butterflies whenever Kyungsoo so much as looks at him.
“Yeah.” Jongin raises his hands to his cheeks to hide the blush. “I’ve been busy working on the new chapter.”
“Ah, really?” Kyungsoo says. He nudges Jongin in the side. “I think I should be given early access.”
“O-oh-I mean-” Jongin stutters, but it takes Kyungsoo’s mouth curving into a grin for Jongin to realize Kyungsoo’s teasing him. He huffs. “Don’t tease me, hyung.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t.” Kyungsoo laughs. “Are you doing anything important right now?”
“Um, no, I. I was just going to watch for a bit,” Jongin says.
He doesn’t say that most of the reason he comes is to watch Kyungsoo act out his scenes. He’s an amazing actor, it’s the reason Jongin became a fan - before he knew about Kyungsoo’s kind personality and beautiful smile. Watching Kyungsoo bring Jongin’s own character to life is something special, but Kyungsoo doesn’t need to know that.
“Ah, I see,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t film for a couple more hours so I was wondering if you’d want to help me run lines? I understand if you’re too busy.”
Jongin almost chokes on his own spit. “What? Me?”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widen as Jongin’s chokes, placing his hand on Jongin’s shoulders. Jongin almost chokes again.
“I’m having trouble with a scene,” Kyungsoo continues, but Jongin is extremely distracted by the fact that his hand is still on Jongin’s shoulder. “You know the source material best, so I figured you could help. If you want to.”
“I’d be happy to help,” Jongin says.
Kyungsoo smiles and gently squeezes Jongin’s shoulder. “Great. We can do it in my van for some privacy?”
Jongin splutters. Do it? Van? Privacy? Kyungsoo must notice the reaction because he laughs.
“That’s where I usually go when I have a break, so people don’t bother me.”
“Oh,” Jongin mutters. That makes sense.
He doesn’t have time to say anything else because Kyungsoo grabs him the hand and starts leading him through the set. Jongin blushes all the way to his toes, remembering the first time he shook Kyungsoo’s hand at his birthday fanmeeting, and then again at his fansign. As they walk through the set, Kyungsoo greets every staff member they pass. Jongin awkwardly nods, even though he doesn’t know anyone’s name. He’ll admit - he’s a little focused on Kyungsoo when he visits set.
Much to Jongin’s dismay, Kyungsoo drops his hand when they make it to the van. It’s one of those large, black vans with the tinted window and huge back seats. Jongin can see why Kyungsoo would spend his free time here, but it doesn’t stop his mind from wandering to other possibilities.
They hop into the fan and Jongin tries his best to get comfortable, but Jongin’s sitting so close that he’s getting lost in the smell of Kyungsoo’s cologne, and their thighs brush just so. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem bothered. He’s too busy pulling two copies of the script out of his bag and flipping the pages. He hands one to Jongin when he gets to the proper page.
“Let’s start at ‘this is hard for me too?’” Kyungsoo suggests, looking up at Jongin.
Jongin stares at the page with wide eyes. This is one of the early romantic scenes in the drama and one of the first Jongin ever wrote for his webtoon. The characters argue about their relationship and what it means, and then - they kiss.
Jongin gulps. He lifts his hand and presses a finger to his lips. “T-this is a romantic scene,” Jongin says. “Wouldn’t it be better to practice with a girl?”
Kyungsoo stares at him for a moment. Jongin doesn’t understand the look in his eyes, and averts his gaze to look at his shoes, staring at the new scuff mark he doesn’t know how he got.
“I don’t mind,” Kyungsoo finally says. “Unless you’re uncomfortable? We won’t practice the kiss, of course. I just want to get a good grasp of Haneul’s emotions here.”
“Um, no. It’s fine. Let’s get started.” Jongin nods. He pulls the collar of his shirt away from his neck because suddenly he’s sweating bullets.
Kyungsoo stares at him for a second longer, but then something in his eyes shifts, and Jongin realizes he’s getting into character.
“This is hard for me too,” Kyungsoo says, staring straight into Jongin’s eyes. “Not knowing how you feel about me.”
Jongin fumbles with the script for a second before managing to read his line. “What do you mean? I’ve told you that I love you.”
Kyungsoo sighs, his gaze shifting down before he looks back up, following the lines of Jongin’s face. “You think you do, but I don’t know,” he says.
They continue on like that for the a couple of pages. Jongin feels like the words are starting to blur in front of his eyes, and he has no idea how can read the lines so smoothly. Jongin’s fumbling, messing up words, and missing the timing, but none of it phases Kyungsoo or makes him break character.
“If you love me,” Kyungsoo says, leaning forward and placing his hand on Jongin’s thigh. “Prove it.”
Jongin takes a deep breath. Kyungsoo’s face is closer to his now, their breaths mingling. Jongin is sure Kyungsoo can probably hear the beat of his heart. Jongin clears his throat, tries to meet Kyungsoo’s eyes.
“How do I prove it?” he whispers.
Something in Kyungsoo’s gaze shifts again, and Jongin feels like he’s looking at the real Kyungsoo - but then Haneul’s back, like it never happened.
“Kiss me,” Kyungsoo whispers.
He leans ever so slightly forward and Jongin can’t help but follow, like he’s magnetized in Kyungsoo’s forcefield. They get closer, close enough for Jongin to feel the heat of Kyungsoo’s breath and see the different colored specks in his eyes. Jongin holds his breath, closes his eyes-
There’s a sudden knock on the van window, and Jongin jumps back. He keeps his eyes closed because he’s too scared to see Kyungsoo’s reaction. He probably thinks Jongin is a crazy desperate stalker fan trying to kiss him. He cracks one eye open, watching as Kyungsoo opens the car door and speaks with his manager - something about lunch and scenes and timing.
Kyungsoo turns back to him. “I’m- It’s time for lunch,” he says, clearing his throat. “Thank you for helping me.”
“Of course,” Jongin says. He gulps. “Um, you did great. No worries about not getting Hanuel right. Haha.” Jongin tries to laugh, but it sounds awkward even to his own ears.
Jongin wants to kick himself as soon as he’s out of the van and Kyungsoo has returned to set. The awkwardness was palpable in the van after Kyungsoo’s manager interrupted, and Jongin feels like he ruined everything because he couldn’t keep his stupid urges in check.
Jongin sees Kyungsoo again later on set, and almost turns in the opposite direction to avoid him. But Kyungsoo just smiles, giving Jongin a little wave. Like nothing even happened.
“Hey,” he says, approaching Jongin. He holds two thumbs up. “The scene went great. Thank you so much. I haven’t done many romantic scenes, so I was nervous.”
“You’re a great actor, of course you did well,” Jongin says, feeling a flush rise to his cheeks.
“I think it’s because the source material is so great,” Kyungsoo says with a laugh, nudging Jongin with his elbow. “Where’d you even get the idea? I read your previous webtoon, it was a lot more violent.”
“I was just inspired,” Jongin says, staring at Kyungsoo’s face-the slope of his jaw, his round cheeks, the shine of his eyes-the face that Jongin has drawn so many times over in Haneul. “And I guess-I just like the idea of people falling in love.”
Kyungsoo smiles. “Yeah, me too,” he says softly.
Jongin sighs. Separating person Kyungsoo from actor Kyungsoo may not be helping, because Jongin thinks he’s falling in love with both of them.
Kyungsoo hyung,
I don’t understand how I fall more in love with you everyday. Your kindness, your heart… Ah seriously, what am I going to do…
Jongin sighs, crumbling the letter in his fist and tossing it in the trash. That one he can never send.
Jongin tries to avoid visiting set more than necessary for his own wellbeing. The less he sees Kyungsoo, the better. At least that’s what he tries to tell himself, but the ache in his chest whenever he so much as thinks about Kyungsoo doesn’t go away, and Jongin’s not sure that it ever will.
He does end up on set one day a couple weeks later for a meeting with the writer. Jongin’s sitting at a craft services table alone when he hears someone sit a plate down across from him. He looks up, and his throat feels dry when he sees that it’s Kyungsoo.
“Hey,” Kyungsoo says with a smile. “Mind if I sit?”
“Oh, of course not,” Jongin says. He moves his tray of food closer to himself to give Kyungsoo room to sit his.
Kyungsoo sits. “It’s been a while since I saw you.”
“I’ve been busy,” Jongin says quickly. It’s a lie. He’s done nothing for weeks but lie around, cuddling with Monggu and whining about the state of his life. Sehun has started spending the nights at Chanyeol’s place because he finds Jongin so annoying.
Kyungsoo nods. “I understand.”
When Jongin manages to drag his eyes away from Kyungsoo’s face, he notices that he’s wearing a suit, and his hair’s styled up. He looks really good, and Jongin’s trying really hard to drag his eyes away from the way the fabric stretches over Kyungsoo’s back muscles.
“You look pretty dressed up,” Jongin says. You look really fucking hot, he doesn’t say.
“Ah,” Kyungsoo says. “It was for a photoshoot. I was too hungry to change first. I know, I look ridiculous.”
Jongin snorts. “What are you talking about? You look amazing.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widen, and he looks down at himself like he’s trying to verify what Jongin said. Jongin tries to kick himself under the table. He told himself he was’t going to be an annoying fanboy anymore, but it isn’t working out.
“I’ve just never thought I looked good in a suit.” Kyungsoo shrugs. “They’re better meant for someone like you.”
“Someone like me?” Jongin asks with wide eyes.
Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “Tall, handsome, legs that go on for miles?”
Jongin splutters. “What-I’m not-my legs aren’t that long!”
Kyungsoo laughs, his eyes scrunching and his mouth open like a heart. “You’re a very attractive guy, Jongin. Were you unaware?”
Jongin flushes. It wasn’t that he was unaware. He’s not blind. He knows he’s a pretty attractive guy, taller than most, and clothes do have a tendency to look good on him because of his legs. He never expected Kyungsoo to notice his looks at all, much less think he was handsome.
“Oh, I’ve got to go,” Kyungsoo says before Jongin can respond, staring down at his watch. “Before I do I wanted to ask if you wanted to grab dinner with me sometime this week? We could catch up.”
“What? Oh-sure,” Jongin says.
“Put your phone in my number and I’ll text you once I check my schedule.” Kyungsoo pulls his phone out of his pocket and hands it to Jongin.
Jongin types his number in, still in a daze, and stares as Kyungsoo zips off as soon as he’s done. Jongin gapes. Kyungsoo has his number. Kyungsoo just asked him to get dinner. Could this be-no. Jongin can’t let his mind wander there because there’s no way this is-
Still, a tiny part of Jongin’s mind can’t help but wonder: is this a date?
It takes twenty five hours and forty two minutes for Kyungsoo to text. Not that Jongin was counting. He let’s Jongin know that he’s free on Friday night, and he would love if Jongin could choose the place and they could meet there. Jongin chooses the first place he can think of: the pojangmacha down the street. He’s comfortable there, knows exactly what he likes to order and doesn’t have to dress up.
He gets there a few minutes early and the ahjumma greets him warmly. He sits down at a little table and taps his foot against the pavement, waiting for Kyungsoo to show up. It’s five minutes past the time they were supposed to meet when Kyungsoo shows up, wearing a black hat and mask.
Jongin snorts. “Is that really necessary?”
Kyungsoo takes a seat across from him and lowers the mask. He’s grinning underneath. “I didn’t know your neighborhood was in the middle of nowhere.”
Jongin laughs. “I figured you wouldn’t get noticed here.”
“Ah, is that why you chose it?” Kyungsoo says, glancing around at the tiny stall. He turns back to Jongin with a smile.
“That, plus the food is amazing. I’ve tried everything on the menu, and you can’t go wrong,” Jongin says. He pats himself on the stomach for emphasis.
The ahjumma returns a second later to take their orders and grins when she sees Kyungsoo. “This is a new friend,” she says. “Or a boyfriend?”
Jongin splutters, but Kyungsoo just laughs.
“Something like that,” Kyungsoo says.
Jongin gapes, only managing to shake himself out of it when she asks for his order. “Um, just ddeokbokki. And soju.”
“So…” Jongin starts to say once she’s gone, but he trails off. He’s not sure how to finish the sentence.
“I wasn’t sure if I should say we’re just friends,” Kyungsoo says, like he can read Jongin’s mind. He taps his fingers against the plastic table. “Considering we’re on a date.”
“We’re on a date?” Jongin says.
Kyungsoo laughs. “I hope that’s okay?” he says, reaching out to hold Jongin’s hand on top of the table. “If you couldn’t tell, I really like you.”
Jongin stares at where their hands are touching. He let’s himself intertwine their fingers, and can’t quite believe it when Kyungsoo doesn’t pull away. This has to be a dream, or a prank, or Kyungsoo’s suddenly gotten amnesia and has forgotten all of the embarrassing things Jongin has done in front of him.
“But you’re Do Kyungsoo,” Jongin says. “And I’m-I’m just a fan.”
Kyungsoo pulls his hand away, and Jongin feels like he can feel the loss deep in his bones. He doesn’t want to mess this up just because he can’t believe Kyungsoo would like him, but he really can’t believe Kyungsoo would like him. He’s just a fanboy who got a once in a lifetime chance to work with his favorite actor. He’s lucky, but he can’t be this lucky. When he looks up, Kyungsoo is staring back at him.
“I know we might be starting from a weird place,” Kyungsoo says, his eyes soft. “But I want to get to know you. I want to date you. We can work out the other stuff as we get there. Until one day you don’t think of me as Do Kyungsoo, but as Kyungsoo. Your boyfriend.”
Jongin flushes. He takes a deep breath and reaches over, grabbing Kyungsoo’s hand again.
“I like the sound of that,” Jongin says.
epilogue
Jongin presses Kyungsoo back onto his bed, straddling him and leaning down to kiss his soft lips. Kyungsoo pushes up into the kiss, lifting his hands to run them through Jongin’s hair. Jongin groans into his mouth, pressing closer, letting his tongue lick into Kyungsoo’s mouth. Kyungsoo whines high in his throat and let’s his hand drift from Jongin’s hair to the back of his neck, pulling him in further. Jongin sinks into it, and he still can’t believe this is happening. It’s real.
Kyungsoo pulls back, placing his hands on Jongin’s shoulders and pushing him away. “I can’t,” he says with a gasp. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“What? Why?” Jongin’s lips are still hovering close to Kyungsoo’s. They’re so red, and shiny-
“It’s looking at me,” Kyungsoo says.
He turns his head to the left, and Jongin follows his gaze to meet Kyungsoo’s eyes-not the real Kyungsoo, but the Kyungsoo in Jongin’s favorite poster. It’s from Kyungsoo’s first movie, Cart, and it holds a special place in Jongin’s heart.
Jongin pouts. “It’s just you.”
“It’s kind of weird, Jongin.” Kyungsoo huffs out a laugh.
“Should I take it down?” Jongin asks, glancing back and forth between the poster and the real Kyungsoo. Jongin shouldn’t feel weird about taking the poster down-not with the real Kyungsoo right in front of him, his lips slick and swollen from Jongin’s own-but he can’t help it. He’s still a fan.
Kyungsoo must read it in his face because he shakes his head instantly. “No, no,” he says, leaning up to whisper in Jongin’s ear. “Let’s just go to my place.”
Jongin grins.
Kyungsoo hyung,
Thank you for loving me back.
Love,
Kim Jongin
