Always The Best Friend - Part One

[jeyhawk_fic]

Master Post| Part One |Part Two | Art Post



"So…" Dr. Lambert looks at the clipboard in his hand. "Mr. Allen. What seems to be the problem?"

Kris licks his lips, avoiding Dr. Lambert's frank blue gaze. "Uhm… I… uh… it… I mean… I have an itch."

"An itch?"

Kris makes the mistake of looking up, meeting Dr. Lambert's amused eyes, and promptly blushes. "That came out wrong. I mean… not wrong… I mean… I meant for it to sound less like the opening line of a bad porno… Oh God."

Kris buries his head in his hands - he's just not going to survive this. Dr. Lambert chuckles and pats Kris's shoulder in what he probably thinks is a reassuring manner.

"Kris… Can I call you Kris?"

Kris nods without looking up. He's always slightly weirded out when people call him Mr. Allen. Mr. Allen is his dad and he really doesn't want to be thinking about his dad right now.

"Is this your first time seeking help for this kind of problem?"

"Yeah," Kris murmurs.

"It's okay," Dr. Lambert says, patting his shoulder again. "Everyone is nervous their first time. Do you want me to call for a nurse?"

"God no," Kris says, looking up again. He can't imagine anything worse than having a third party watch his humiliation at the hands of the hot doctor.

Dr. Lambert chuckles. "Well, then you need to relax and trust me. I only bite when people want me to."

Kris flushes, but he kind of likes the teasing glint in Dr. Lambert's eyes. "I… uh… Do you have a first name?" It's probably not okay to ask your doctor that, but the title makes Kris feel uncomfortable.

"Well, I didn't come out of the womb a doctor," Dr Lambert says, leaning back and stretching his mile long legs out before him. "It's Adam."

"Adam." Kris tastes the name, liking the way it rolls off his tongue.

"So, Kris," Adam says, smiling now. "Do you want to tell me about your problem?"

Oh, that. For a second there Kris almost forgot that he was in Adam's office for a reason and an embarrassing one at that.

"Uhm… well. I have an itch uh… around my penis, and… uhm… there's a bit of a rash."

If Kris actually survives this he's going to kill Cale and Andrew, if it wasn't for them he wouldn't be in this peculiar situation to begin with. Adam just nods, as if this is something he hears every day (and considering his line of work it probably is) and reaches for the latex gloves.

"Let's have a look then," he says. "Have you recently had unprotected sex?"

Kris blushes and shakes his head. He hasn't actually had any kind of sex in almost six months, but he's not going to tell Adam that. Besides, he's never had unprotected sex in his life.

"I'm gonna need for you to take off your pants," Adam says kindly, leaning his elbows against his knees. "I can turn my back if you want."

"No… uh… it's okay," Kris murmurs, hoping Adam doesn't see how his fingers tremble on the buttons.

He shoves his jeans and boxers down his legs with a rushed move, toeing his shoes off to be able to step out of them. His shirt is just long enough to cover his crotch as he slides onto the table and even if Adam will see everything in a second it still makes him feel better about the whole thing.

"Okay then," Adam says, getting up from his chair. "Let's have a look."

Kris turns his head away as Adam walks up to the table. He can't believe that he's about to let another guy touch his dick and one who's way out of his league at that. Guys like Adam (forever tall with raven black glossy hair and just the barest hint of eyeliner) don't usually look twice at guys like Kris (short with impossible brown hair and no makeup whatsoever).

Kris blushes and breaks out in goose bumps all over when Adam slides his shirt up to his navel. He imagines that the animals at the zoo feel less exposed than he does right now.

"Hmmm," Adam says and Kris looks up at him in alarm.

"What's wrong?" he asks, imagining a future without genitalia.

"Well," Adam says with barely concealed amusement. "How long has it been since you shaved?"

"A few days," Kris says, eyes still trained on Adam's face.

"First time?"

"Yeah."

"I see," Adam says, biting down on his lower lip.

Kris shivers when Adam runs his fingertips over the sensitive skin just above the base of his dick with a look of concentration on his face.

"How long have you had the rash?" he asks conversationally, probably trying to distract Kris from the fact that his limp cock is now cradled in one of Adam's big hands.

"A… uhm… a couple of days."

Kris tries really hard to focus on something other than the fact that his dick is in a hot guy's hand, but not even his complete mortification seems to be enough to stop his dick from swelling. Adam seems unfazed though (he's probably seen a lot of dicks under these circumstances) reaching down to cup Kris's balls in his other hand, squeezing them gently.

"Fuck," Kris curses, pulling his arm up to hide his face in the crook of his elbow.

Adam lets go of his cock (it's doing a good job at standing on its own by now) and instead slides his fingers in beneath Kris's balls, gently pressing against the skin there. Kris sucks in a breath, spreading his legs wider to give Adam better access before he realizes that maybe that's not the proper way to react to a doctor's examination. Adam's fingers slide further down, nudging between Kris's cheeks and Kris doesn't even hesitate before pulling his leg up, exposing himself fully. He bites back a moan when Adam's fingers brush over his opening, cock twitching vainly, and if he wasn't so turned on, he would probably be dead from embarrassment by now.

"Damn," Adam curses and Kris looks up in alarm again. "I'm sorry," Adam says, taking a step back. "I really don't think I can be professional about this."

Kris frowns and licks his lips. "I… I don't understand."

Adam snorts, pulling his gloves off with jerky movements. "I'm gay," he says.

Kris's heart trips and his frown deepens. "What does that have to do with anything?" he asks.

Adam looks at him as if he's an idiot. "I'm gay, you're ridiculously hot… I just can't."

"But…" Kris looks down on himself. His erection has wilted slightly, sagging against his stomach and the annoying rash. "What about the rash?"

Adam smiles slightly without meeting Kris's eyes. "Common reaction to shaving, especially if you used soap to shave with and didn't moisturize afterwards."

Okay, now Kris really does feel like an idiot. "Oh," he says, tugging his shirt down over his crotch. "I uh… didn't know that."

"Now you do," Adam says, still looking uneasy. "It'll be fine in a few days when the hair's grown back a little more. Try not to scratch and moisturize with something that doesn't contain perfume, like baby oil, for example. You might also want to pick up an over the counter cortisone cream. It'll help with the itching."

Kris sits up again, reaching for his abandoned pants. "Uh… thanks," he says, wondering what the fuck just happened. He's still kind of stuck on the part where Adam thinks he's hot.

"So…" Adam says. "Would you like to… uhm… go out with me? Sometime? You don't have to say yes just because I'm… Fuck." Adam spins around, turning his back on Kris. "I can't believe I just said that."

Kris pulls his boxers and pants back on, trying to not make a sound when the fabric brushes over his renewed erection.

"I would understand if you reported me," Adam murmurs, shoulders sliding down into a dejected slump. "That was way out of line."

Kris slides off the table, but doesn't bother with his shoes. His gay might have been mostly theoretical up to this point, but he's not going to let a guy like Adam slip out of his grasp just because he's scared. The tiles are cold underneath his feet as he moves the few steps that separate him from Adam.

"I…" Kris starts, hand hovering close to Adam's back, not sure if it would be okay to touch. "I… uh… wouldn't mind if it turned into a bad porno."

He blinks and thinks about suing his mouth - that was really not what he was planning on saying. Adam's shoulder starts shaking and for a horrible second Kris is afraid he made him cry but then he realizes Adam is laughing.

"I'm sorry," Kris says. "I think maybe that came out wrong. What I really meant is that I would really like to go out with you, you know, some time."

"It's really hard to maintain a professional mind frame when you say shit like that," Adam says, pressing his hands against the wall. "Ridiculously hot and adorable? I must have gotten you for my sins."

Adam's broad shoulders and tapered back, visible even under his white coat, makes it really easy for Kris to envision the aforementioned sins. He really wouldn't mind acting a few of them out.

"What kind of sins are we talking here?" he asks, reaching out to press his palms against Adam's shoulder blades. "Anything I should know about if we were to date?"

Adam sucks in a breath, moving into Kris's touch. "Nothing too bad," he says, voice strained. "Just the regular, you know. Lust… Envy… Gluttony…"

Kris bites his lip and hesitantly slides his hands down to curl around Adam's hips. His heart is tripping way too fast, making him feel dizzy and breathless. This is not who he is - Kris Allen doesn't just grab for the things he wants especially not when the thing he wants is a stupidly hot male doctor. Sure, he moved to LA to explore all of his options (and to get away from a small town that he loves but that was still suffocating him), but this is not really what he had in mind.

"Fuck," Adam hisses, resting his forehead against the wall. "This is… I can't…"

Kris might be unusually daring today, but he isn't mean, and Adam is obviously conflicted about this whole thing.

"How about this," Kris murmurs. "I got a gig tonight at the Blue Moon Bar. Nothing special, just me and a friend. If you just happened to show up and we just happened to meet that wouldn't mean anything, right? Just two people hanging out in a bar, maybe having a drink, going home together…"

Adam shudders under his hands, breath coming out quick and jerky.

"What…" Adam swallows heavily. "What time?"

"Eight," Kris answers, resting his forehead against the graceful curve of Adam's spine for a moment. Then he steps back, buttoning his jeans up fully and sticking his bare feet into his shoes. "Maybe I'll see you there," he adds, trying to sound casual about it.

Adam doesn't answer and Kris doesn't look back as he leaves. He hopes Adam shows up tonight, but he has no idea whether his awkward attempt at seduction worked. His heart jitters in time with his knees and feels charged with adrenaline. Somehow pushing his boundaries makes him feel as if he's ready to take on the entire world. If he can ask a totally hot guy out, then he there's nothing he can't do (except possibly flying) and somehow that makes him feel strangely zen about the whole thing.



Unfortunately Kris's zen-like state of mind doesn't last him until the evening. By the time he and Cale are seated backstage waiting for their turn on the stage, he's a twitchy nervous wreck, endlessly tapping his fingers against the body of his guitar while his mind spins in ever-widening circles, covering every possible scenario no matter how ludicrous. He doesn't really think that the version where Adam shows up with three bulky guys and have them beat the shit of Kris is very likely, but the one where Adam doesn't show up at all is a distinct possibility, as is the one where Adam shows up only to let him down easily. He's not really clear on why Adam would come only to turn him down, but maybe it's some sort of professional courtesy thing.

"Would you stop that?" Cale says, leaning forward to forcibly pull Kris's hand away from the guitar. "What's up with you today?"

"Nothing," Kris says. "Just a bit nervous, that's all."

Cale gives him a doubtful look. They've played the Blue Moon Bar before and the crowd is usually ridiculously easy to please. The regulars all know them by now and more often than not sing along even with their original pieces. It's pretty much the perfect gig, easy and familiar and Kris is not one to suffer from stage fright.

"Well," Kris says when it becomes clear that Cale is waiting for him to say something. "I kinda invited someone."

Cale's surprise would be comical if it wasn't for the fact that it highlights the very sad state of Kris's love life. "You invited someone?" he asks, jaw dropping. "You? Invited someone?"

Cale starts fumbling for his phone and Kris realizes that maybe he should have thought this through a little better. Kris having a date is enough incentive for Cale to call everyone they know. Kris should consider himself lucky if Cale doesn't send smoke signals to his mom.

"Don't…" he starts, but it's too late, Cale already has the phone pressed against his ear.

If Kris thought he was nervous before, he was wrong. His heart leaps into his throat and fainting is suddenly a very serious possibility, tiny black spots dancing before his eyes.

"Cale," he says weakly. "I… I kinda…"

Cale lowers the phone, reaching forward to grab Kris's wrist. "Shit, man," he says. "Are you okay?"

Kris just blinks, sucking in breath against the panic that threatens to overwhelm him. He's been thinking about coming out for quite some time now , even if his bisexuality up to this point has been mostly theoretical, but he didn't think it would happen like this. He really didn't think things through when he issued that invitation to Adam.

"Yeah," he manages, sucking in another breath. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Cale doesn't look convinced, staring at him with a worried frown on his face, fingers still looped around Kris's wrist.

"It's a guy," Kris says, words coming out in a rushed tumble.

Cale blinks, but whatever he's about to say is cut off when Billy the manager opens the door, jerking his head towards the stage.

"You're on, guys," he says.

"Just a minute," Cale answers, eyes still trained on Kris's face.

Billy's eyes slides over the way Cale holds on to Kris's wrist, but he doesn't say anything, nodding curtly.

"Five minutes," he says and then he's gone again, the door closing silently behind him.

Cale laughs, but it sounds slightly panicked. "So… uh… your first date in what? Six months? Is with another guy?"

Kris nods, feeling like the worst scum on earth. Not because he possibly has a date with a guy, but because he didn't tell Cale sooner instead of springing it on him like this.

"I…" Kris pulls his hand back from Cale's grasp, rubbing it over his face. "I don't know if he'll show."

Cale nods, conflicting emotions flickering over his face as he tries to find something to say. "I want you to be happy," he finally says, giving Kris a serious look. "And if a guy makes you happy then you should be with him." Then he makes a face, nose crinkling up. "It might take me some time to get used to the idea, but that's okay, right? I mean… I'm still your friend, it's just…" He crinkles his nose again. "It might take me a while."

Kris nods, squaring his shoulder. "Thanks," he says softly.

"Okay," Cale says, pushing up from his chair and reaching for his guitar, obviously itching to get away from the uncomfortable tension in the room. "Let's knock 'em dead."



Kris can't see Adam in the crowd when they get up on the stage and all in all he's pretty grateful for that. It's entirely possible that he's there, Kris can only really see the tables closest to the stage, but after the emotional turmoil of the last few minutes he's pretty content to just not know if Adam's there or not. It's not quite the same kind of zen he managed earlier, but at least it's some kind of calm to cling to.

Then Cale leans closer to the mike to introduce them and Kris strums his fingers over the guitar strings, letting the weird kind of peace he always experiences on stage settle over him. Nothing else matters when he has his guitar in his hands and a mike before his mouth - the music and the energy of the crowd carrying him well above everything.

They play a six song set and then do a couple of encores on general demand. It's nice to play in a place where people know them and appreciate them enough to actually want more. Kris thinks he sees Adam once, a dark shape outlined for a moment against the lights of the bar, but then he's gone and Kris doesn't try to find him in the crowd. The music is enough for now.

One of the regulars, a middle aged woman with the bluest eyes Kris has ever seen (even counting Adam's), shouts something absolutely outrageous as they exit the stage. Kris can't even hear what she's saying but the tone is enough to make him blush and he stumbles into Cale, breathless with sudden laughter.

Cale cracks up, slinging an arm around Kris's shoulder to steady him. "Feel better now?" he asks, voice pitched low in case anyone is close enough to hear them.

"Yeah," Kris says, smiling up at him and giving his waist a squeeze. "It's been a weird day."

Cale grins. "I'd say."

Cale, of course, doesn't even know half of it and if Kris can help it he's never going to know. The whole shaving thing was a dare to begin with and Cale would derive way too much pleasure from knowing what kind of embarrassing hilarity it led to.

"So is he here?"

Cale glances over his shoulder towards the bar as they enter the backstage area to grab their stuff, as if Adam will be standing around holding a sign over his head that says: Kris Allen's date. (Kris really hopes Adam isn't standing around holding a sign that says Kris Allen's date he's burst enough capillaries blushing today.)

"I don't know," Kris says. "I think I saw him earlier, but I'm not sure."

Cale makes a grab for Kris's guitar and gives him a look. "Then what are you waiting for? Seriously, your love life is so pathetic that right now I would give you a standing ovation if you dated a goat."

Kris pouts.

"Seriously," Cale says again, rolling his eyes. "Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe it."

Kris would protest, but if he didn't agree he would never have been daring enough to kind of ask Adam out.

"I'm just gonna grab my jacket," Kris says. "Would you…"

"I'll take your guitar," Cale says, making a shooing motion with his hand. "And if he isn't here, I dare you to stay for at least one drink."

"You and your dares," Kris mutters, flushing hotly, but maybe he should be grateful. If it hadn't been for Cale's completely ridiculous drunk dare to shave his pubes (that Kris went through with only to prove that he could so break out of his comfort zone) he would have never met Adam to begin with.

Cale has a point too, Kris never sticks around after their gigs. Cale goes home to Kate, and Kris goes home to his empty apartment. He knows Cale would stay if Kris asked him to, but then they'd just talk to each other anyway. Between work and gigs there really isn't much time for serious dating, especially not now that they're kind of making a name for themselves, and Kris really kind of misses having someone.

"Go," Cale says, making another shooing motion. "Have fun and call me tomorrow. I want a full report." He crinkles his nose and opens his mouth again, making Kris roll his eyes hard.

"Like I'd tell you about the sex."

"You would if I dared you."

"Well." Kris gives him a look. "Don't."

Cale laughs and pats him on the shoulder. "I won't," he promises. "Now go, or I will follow you out there and demand you introduce me."

"Going," Kris says, taking his jacket from where it's hanging on the wall and heading towards the door to the club. "See you."

"See you," Cale echoes and if he says something more it's cut off by the door to the club falling shut behind Kris.



It takes Kris virtually forever to work his way up to the bar, every other patron flagging him down and thanking him for the show. He shakes hands and even poses for a few pictures, laughing and blushing with the compliments thrown in his direction. He can't help but to wonder what it would be like to be actually famous and have this multiplied by a million, every day all the time, and as much as he wants to make it as a singer/songwriter he really kind of thinks it would get tiresome very fast.

He keeps darting glances around, trying to spot Adam lurking in a corner, but he makes it all the way to the bar without catching even the slightest glimpse. He's a lot more disappointed than he thought he would be. The bartender gives him a questioning look, but he can't even think of something he wants, staring morosely at the list of available drinks and beers, until the bartender moves further down the bar taking someone else's order.

Kris watches him work, mixing some kind of vodka martini by the looks of it and Kris supposes he could go for one of those. The bartender is apparently a mind reader because instead of heading down the bar with the drink, he sets it down in front of Kris.

"From the gentleman over there," he says, jerking his head further up the bar. "Nice show by the way."

Kris bites down on his lower lip, trying to look up the bar without being obvious about it while he murmurs a thanks to the bartender. He finally spots Adam, or his hair at least, as he moves away from the bar, heading towards an empty booth. Kris follows him, the drink clutched in a sweaty grip. All of his momentum seems to have left him, leaving nothing but a fluttery feeling in the pit of his stomach and shaky knees.

Adam looks up when Kris slides into the booth opposite from him smiling hugely. "Hey," he says. "Fancy meeting you here."

Kris is kind of taken back by how insanely pretty Adam is. His hair is gelled up into some artfully spiky and very glossy do and he's wearing makeup, sooted eyes with just a hint of blue eye shadow, creamy concealer and a light sheen of gloss on his freckled pink lips. He's wearing a grey cardigan with some kind of weaved thing going on around the neckline and a simple black t-shirt that clings to his chest. Kris can't see his legs under the table, but he's sure they're still just as long and dressed to the nines.

In comparison Kris looks like a hobo that just fell out of a Goodwill container after a three day drinking binge and five hard years. Now why did he think this was a good idea again?

Adam's smile dissipates when Kris doesn't answer, and he fiddles a little with his drink. "You were really great up there," he says, without looking up. "Like… wow. You're really talented."

"Thanks," Kris murmurs, sipping at his drink as he tries to think of something to say that won't come out wrong, stupid, or both.

Adam snorts. "Yeah," he says. "This is awkward."

"I'm sorry." Kris looks up, licking his lips. "I guess I wasn't expecting you to be so…" He makes a vague gesture in Adam direction.

"Gay?" Adam suggests with a hard edge to his voice.

"Pretty," Kris finishes, with a blush climbing up his cheeks. "I mean look at you. You look like you fell out of a fashion magazine."

"Oh." Adam's smile comes back full force and he pulls a little on the hanging straps around the neck of his cardigan. "I might have overdone it a little."

"No, it's… You look great."

"I never really have a reason to dress up anymore, you know? I used to go out all the time, but I never seem to have the time…" Adam trails off with a shrug.

"Do you miss it?" Kris asks, sipping at his drink. He's never really been the club type, too loud and he really can't dance, but he supposes it could be fun with the right kind of company.

"Yeah, I guess." Adam looks away for a moment. "It's like… I'm the only one of my old group of friends that really moved on, you know?" He frowns. "Well, it's a really long story."

Kris shrugs, smiling at him. "I'm not going anywhere."

Truth be told he's more than a little curious. Adam doesn't look like any other doctor he's ever met and he thinks that there's an interesting story there if Adam's willing to share it. God knows his own life won't take them through more than ten minutes of idle conversation.

Adam looks doubtful for a moment, but once he starts talking the words just keeps pouring out, as if he's been keeping it bottled inside for too long. It lasts them through two refills, a trip to Subway and the walk back to Kris's apartment. When Adam eventually stops talking, Kris feels as if Adam handed him the keys to his entire life and he doesn't really know what to do with that.

The thing is, Kris really wants to deserve that honor. He wants to be the guy that helps Adam find his feet again and the thought kind of freaks him out a whole lot. Somehow he thought this would be about sex, and maybe some good natured ribbing about how very little Kris knows of the art of shaving your genitals. He didn't think it would be sharing and caring and wanting so much to be Mr. Right.

Adam's story is not a very sordid one, and it's not even really sad, but somehow the way they've been going back and forth in the last two hours feels like the most important conversation Kris has ever had. He even forgets that he's the hobo to Adam's model, because Adam keeps looking at him as if he's special.

"Wow," Adam says when they're finally settled on Kris's threadbare couch, eating the cookies they brought with them from Subway. "Maybe I should have warned you I really like talking about myself."

Kris laughs, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankles. "I wouldn't really know. I tuned you out shortly after hello."

Adam snorts and shoves at Kris's feet, even Adam's socks have more class than Kris's. "So, tell me something about you."

Kris gives him a look. "I already told you plenty about myself."

"Well, I shared literally all my woes, so I think I need a little bit more than twenty-four from Arkansas, hoping to be a musician and splitting time between working as a night porter and a studio musician."

Kris shrugs. "There really isn't all that much to say. Contrary to some people I now know very well, I've never been a club-hopper, my love life can be summed up as unexciting, and I never really had to make any life altering decisions."

"You moved here, didn't you?" Adam says.

Kris shrugs. "Yeah, I guess."

"Oh, come on," Adam says. "Everyone has a story to tell."

Kris doesn't really think he does, but Adam's so very easy to talk to and before he knows it, it's been another hour and Adam suddenly know things about him he barely even knew himself. Maybe they're not so different after all, Adam's choices were harder and the fall-out bigger, but in the end it amounts to the same thing, growing up and making your own path.

"I have to admit," Adam says. "This is the weirdest date I've ever been on."

Kris yawns. "I'm not even sure it can be considered a date at this point. It's more of a This Is Your Life special."

Adam laughs, stretching his legs out so that his feet poke at Kris's shoulder. They kind of tipped over on the couch some time ago, lying on opposites sides with their heads propped up against the armrests. It's not the most comfortable position, Kris's couch could double as a torture device, but it's getting ridiculously late and sleepiness is becoming a real issue.

"I could sleep like this," Adam murmurs, rubbing his hand along Kris's calf.

"I do have a perfectly functional bed," Kris says absently, half asleep already with the hypnotic movement of Adam's fingers.

Adam's hand falters. "Do you think that's a good idea?" he asks.

Kris blinks his eyes open to look at him. "I don't know. Do you?"

Adam looks like he really doesn't know what to say to that, shaking his head slightly. "I have work tomorrow afternoon," he says, as if that is an answer to anything.

"So do I," Kris answers, with half a shrug.

Adam bites down on his lip. "In the interest of full disclosure and all, I have to admit that this is the first time in my life that I've been afraid sex would actually ruin something great."

Kris nods. "So, uh… this is goodnight then?"

Adam still looks torn, chewing on the inside of his lower lip. "I guess it is."

Kris doesn't know if he's disappointed or relieved, reluctantly pushing himself up to sitting position again. "We'll see each other again, right?" he asks, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck.

"Of course," Adam says with a grin. "Just you try to keep me away."

They hug goodbye just inside the door and Kris really just wants to melt into Adam's skin. Being cast as the best friend instead of the lover has been a reoccurring theme in his life and suddenly Kris is very grateful that he didn't actually tell Adam about his last few attempts at dating, because by the looks of it history's repeating itself all over again.

"I'll call you," Adam says when he leaves and Kris has no doubts that he will, he just doesn't think the story will play itself out the way he wants it to.

Then Adam is gone and Kris is left to contemplate exactly what it is about him that makes him more of a friend than a love interest.



There's a coffee shop/diner kind of place not too far from Kris's apartment that serves some of the best coffee Kris ever had. It's one of those hidden LA jewels that draw a pretty solid crowd but that is easy to overlook because of the cheesy sign and tacky decorations. Sometimes he stops there for breakfast on his way home from work, sinking down into one of their vinyl booths while staring out at the street with bleary eyes.

The second time Adam calls after their failed date Kris finds himself telling Adam about it and somehow he hangs up with plans to meet there the following morning when Kris gets off work. It's not a big deal right then, he can already feel himself slotting into the familiar routine of friendship, but when he walks down the street towards the diner and spots Adam standing outside friendship really isn't the first thing that comes to mind.

"Hey," Adam says, face lighting up when he spots Kris.

"Hey," Kris responds, looking Adam up and down.

He's dressed for work, Kris knows that much, and he wonders if Adam's patients come on to him a lot, because Adam looks amazing in black jeans and a soft looking grey shirt that hugs his impressive figure. His hair is gelled back from his face in a fancy kind of back slick and there's just a hint of makeup around his intense eyes. Kris's saggy blue jeans and worn t-shirt really doesn't compare.

"You tired?" Adam asks as he holds the door open for Kris.

"Yeah," Kris admits, suppressing a yawn. It's been a long boring night, sometimes being the night porter really only means he spends ten hours trying to stay awake an empty desk.

They order separately but Adam insists on paying, more or less shoving Kris towards a booth to wait. Kris tries to protest, but Adam obviously has a stubborn streak a mile wide and won't hear any arguments.

"I can pay for myself, you know," Kris says when Adam joins him in the booth.

"Of course you can," Adam answers, putting a knife and fork down before Kris. "But if I'm gonna drag you out to breakfast at bumfuck a.m. the least I can do is pay for it."

He smiles and Kris's heart skips a beat with the beauty of it. Annoyed, he scrubs at his eyes and decides to blame it on fatigue.

"You okay?" Adam asks, reaching over the table to touch Kris's wrist.

"Yeah," Kris says quickly. "Just tired."

Adam smiles again, but his eyes look concerned, and Kris has to force himself to look away. Their food arrives before things can turn awkward and once they start eating the conversation flows easier.

"One of my friends has a show on Friday," Adam says, gesturing with his knife in Kris's direction. "He's really quite good."

"Yeah?" Kris asks, because he's not sure what else to say. He finds Adam's stream of consciousness conversation a bit hard to keep up with in his sleep-deprived state.

"I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come. I mean, if you're free. "

Kris looks up from his almost empty plate. "Uhm… sure," he says.

He can't really figure out if this is a date or not. There's nothing inherently date-like about it, no smoldering looks or heavy innuendo, but Adam insisted on paying and he's already asking Kris out again.

"Awesome," Adam says and he sounds as if he means it. "It's kind of… hard sometimes to hang out with them."

Kris sips from his coffee cup and waits for more. He's already learning that Adam doesn't pick a subject unless he means to share something.

"I guess it's the same kind of thing as going back to your hometown once you've moved away. You still love everyone and it's still familiar, but you don't really fit in anymore." He shrugs. "Maybe it's all in my head."

Kris thinks about his last visit home, hanging out with his old friends. It was good, he still loves them, but the things they used to do that his friends still do, just seemed so small and insignificant compared to his life here. Sure, in many ways his LA life is really close to his Conway life, but there's just so much more to experience in LA and he supposes he got used to that.

"No, I get it," Kris says. "Your life has a whole new dimension now, one they can't be a part of."

"That's exactly it." Adam beams at him. "I always end up feeling weird around them because I just feel there's so much more to life, you know."

Kris smiles, turning his coffee cup over between his fingers. "Maybe we just have to realize that not everyone shares the same dreams," he says.

"Yeah," Adam says, holding Kris's gaze. "Maybe we do."

They keep the eye contact for just a moment too long to be normal, a slight flush rising in Kris's cheeks. He doesn't understand his visceral reaction to Adam's presence. Sure, he's been attracted to men before, but it's never been like this. He's finding it hard to negotiate that friendship balance in his head when it should be the most natural thing in the world. After all, he's only ever been friends with other men.

Adam breaks eye contact first, shifting his gaze to the window and the people passing by on the street. "You must be getting tired," he says.

Kris shrugs. He was tired already when he walked into the diner, but spending time with Adam is a lot more thrilling than sleep, even if he's got no clue what they're doing exactly.

"Come on," Adam says, pushing his cup away. "I'll walk you home."

Kris thinks about protesting, but he's pretty sure it would be pointless. He just swallows the last few drops of coffee from his own cup and follows Adam as he makes his way towards the door. One day maybe all of this will make sense, but he doesn't think that today will be that day.



Adam's friend, Cassidy Haley, is really quite good and by the end of his set Kris is pleasantly mellow thanks to the drinks Adam keeps buying him, leaning back in his seat to watch Adam interact with his friends. From where Kris sits it's pretty obvious that the awkwardness is really only in Adam's head. His friends greet him as if he's the long lost son he is, surrounding him on all sides like peacocks paying homage to their dark prince. If Kris was just a little less drunk he would probably worry a lot more about fitting in, but when Adam pulls him from the table to greet everyone, he isn't even nervous.

He shakes hands left and right, congratulating Cassidy on an awesome set and trying to commit everyone else's names to memory. He doesn't actually get nervous until he's singled out in the bathroom line by one of Adam's friends, Brad if he recalls correctly.

"So you're dating Adam, huh?" he asks, eyes fixed on Kris's face.

Kris flushes and shrugs, looking anywhere but Brad's too intense brown eyes. "I… uh… not really?"

"Not really?" Brad drags the words out giving Kris a narrowed eyed look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kris bites down on his lower lip, wishing he could remember just how Brad fits into the hierarchy of Adam's friends. Is he the ex-boyfriend turned friend, or is he someone else all together?

"I don't know," he finally says, looking up to meet Brad's stare. "I guess you'll have to ask Adam about that."

Brad's eyes seem to be drilling holes into Kris's head, stripping away all his layers of self protection, but whatever he sees in Kris's eyes seem to placate him and he reaches out to squeeze Kris's shoulder.

"Spunky," he says, a smile passing over his lips. "I like it."

Then he turns on his heel and sashays back into the club, leaving Kris feeling as if he's just run a marathon. He's not sure what just transpired, but he's getting pretty used to that feeling. It's what he's been feeling like ever since he met Adam.

At the end of the night Adam insists on not just driving Kris home, but following him to his door, despite all of Kris's protests.

"I'm not going to pass out in the hallway," Kris says sourly. "I'm not that drunk."

Adam holds the door to Kris's apartment building open and motions for him to step inside. "What if you trip and crack your skull open, huh? Do you think I could live with that?"

Kris rolls his eyes, because Adam is being ridiculous, but he doesn't even try to protest when Adam wraps an arm around his shoulders guiding him up the stairs.

"I don't get you," he says instead, glancing up at Adam when they reach Kris's landing.

Adam grins. "What's there not to get?" he asks.

Kris snorts, because really there's not a single thing about Adam that makes sense. He knots his fingers into Adam's shirt and stares up at him. Adam looks back, a half smile curling his lips.

"You're drunk," he says.

"Not that drunk," Kris responds. He's half hard where his hips are pressed up against Adam's leg and he knows Adam can feel it.

Adam's smile disappears and he worries at his lower lip. Kris stares at the way it comes out from between Adam's teeth, slick with saliva. Adam's eyes seem impossibly dark in the crappy lighting of the hallway, only the tiniest hint of blue visible around his pupils. He slides his hands down to cup Kris's hips and Kris lets his eyes slip shut, waiting for the kiss that never comes.

Instead Adam pushes him away, attempting to make light of the situation by ruffling Kris's hair. "Let's get you inside," he says with forced lightness. "It's bed time for drunk little Arkansas boys."

The rejection stings and Kris shrugs away from Adam's touch, grabbing the keys out of his hand. "Night," he says curtly, getting the door open with surprisingly steady hands.

"Kris…" Adam starts but Kris doesn't really want to hear it.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" He forces himself to look up at Adam's face. "Goodnight."

"Night," Adam says, and Kris doesn't even try to make sense of his expression before closing the door in his face.



Adam doesn't mention the awkward end to their not-date when he calls the day after and Kris doesn’t bring it up. He's tired of second guessing Adam's motives and he tries his very best to settle firmly into the friend zone. It doesn't work, not even a little bit, because the more he gets to know Adam the more he wants him, but Adam made it clear that he doesn't want more than friendship from Kris and Kris does his best to deal.

They go to the movies, to shows, they hang out with Kris's friends and Adam's. They have dinner, coffee, lunch, sometimes even breakfast, and before Kris knows it, it's been three months and Adam is shoulder to shoulder with Cale in the race to be Kris's best friend. (Cale will always win out, they've known each other longer and Cale doesn't make Kris go shopping.)

Kris is happy to see Adam break out of his shell, letting go of the stupid notion that his friends expect him to be anyone but himself, but for the most part he's just miserably unhappy with the whole situation. He tries to explain it to Cale over too many beers and a deck of cards, but he's not sure anything he says actually makes sense.

"I just wanted to be Mr. Right," Kris says morosely, trying to remember just how many cards he's supposed to deal.

"Who says you aren't?" Cale retorts, picking his cards up from the table and looking at them.

Kris snorts. "Adam."

Cale looks up, giving Kris a quizzical look. "He actually said that?"

"Not in so many words, but it's kind of obvious, isn't it?"

Kris looks at his cards. They really suck and either there's too many of them, or he's seeing double, quite possibly both.

"It's just like Katy, Melinda, and Bee. All over again," he continues, putting his cards back down again.

Cale rolls his eyes. "You dated Katy for almost seven years, Melinda was still hung up on her ex-boyfriend and I didn't want to tell you at the time but Bee was really not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

"Is it something I do?" Kris asks, because he just doesn't get it.

Cale shakes his head and sighs. "I love you, man," he says. "But at some point you have to stop letting things happen to you as opposed to making things happen to you."

Kris blinks. "What do you mean?"

"You've adopted this life philosophy of just going with the flow and that's great, but at some point you have to start fighting for the things you want or you'll end up just floating past all the things that could have been great."

"Like Adam," Kris says, staring intently at the table.

"Yeah," Cale agrees. "Like Adam."

Kris thinks back to the first time they met, and the way Adam seemed to react to him. He can still remember the way Adam shuddered under his hands, breath coming out quick and harsh. Maybe it's still there, buried under three months of awesome friendship.

"But…" he starts and then cuts himself off, absently spreading the cards out over the table. He doesn't want to ruin his friendship with Adam, but somehow he just knows that they could be so much more than that and that it would work. Now he just needs to convince Adam of that.



Of course, Adam kind of cuts that plan off at the knees by meeting someone.

"He's really great," Adam says, looking at Kris over the rim of his coffee cup. "Hot, funny, clever… Did I tell you he works at the hospital?"

"Yeah," Kris says, staring into the depths of his coffee. "You did."

He's tired, and his head aches and at this point he really just wants to go home and pull the covers up over his head. He's pretty sure the bags under his eyes droop down to his knees, while Adam looks like he fell out of a photo shoot, as usual.

"Jasper… Isn't that an awesome name?"

Adam doesn't even seem to notice Kris isn't really following the conversation, telling him all about Jasper for what must be the millionth time. Adam met him in the cafeteria, of all places, and one thing lead to another (in that way they apparently do in other people's life) and now they've been dating for two weeks. Kris doesn't really understand why Adam still makes him have coffee at too early in the morning, cutting off the straight line between off work and to bed. Maybe he's just a sadist.

"Hey," Adam says, poking at Kris's feet under the table. "Are you even listening?"

"Of course," Kris says, trying to look more interested. "I'm just really tired."

"Oh." Adam's face falls and he glances at the clock on the wall. "Come on, I'll walk you home."

It's a two block walk and Kris could very well manage on his own - he's still capable of putting one foot in front of the other.

"You haven't finished your coffee," Kris points out.

Adam rolls his eyes and empties the cup with a few large gulps. "There," he says. "Happy?"

Kris really isn't, but there's no point in arguing. Unless he stalls Adam for another half hour (and that would mean thirty more minutes of Jasper the Great) Adam will walk him home whether Kris wants him to or not.

The worst part, Kris thinks as Adam guides him out the door with a hand between his shoulder blades, is that Kris totally opened the door for Jasper to swoop in and claim the prize. Adam wasn’t in a good place when Kris met him, but somehow he managed to help Adam find a balance between his old life and his new one. He didn't even mean to, but they just keep talking things over and one thing led to another.

It wasn't that Adam's friends stopped loving him just because they didn't understand his choices, and they welcomed him back with arms wide open once Adam stopped being awkward about the whole thing. Adam would have gotten there eventually, no one likes to be lonely, but Kris takes all the credit for being the push he needed. Except, he apparently also pushed Adam into Jasper's arms.

"You're kind of silent," Adam remarks, as they make their way towards Kris's apartment.

"Just thinking," Kris responds, staring down at the pavement. He really doesn't want to look at Adam right now, he's pretty sure that everything he's thinking about is written over his face.

"About what?" Adam loops an arm around Kris's shoulders, pulling Kris into his side. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Yeah," Kris mumbles, leaning into Adam more than he should. "I know."

Adam squeezes his shoulder and turns Kris towards the door to his apartment building, taking the keys out of Kris's hand when he fumbles them out of his pocket. Kris leans into Adam's side while he gets the door open and curls his fingers around Adam's belt. He wonders if it would have been better if he never met Adam, or if their first meeting would have led to sex and nothing more. It feels as if Adam's turned his entire life upside down and inside out, but it's really only in Kris's head.

Kris figured out he was bisexual when he was sixteen, but he never really had a reason to dwell on it before he and Katy broke up, and even after that it was mostly idle curiosity. Somehow he never thought he'd actually fall in love with another man, but then Adam came along and complicated everything.

"Why did you have to make everything so difficult?" Kris asks when Adam tugs him up the stairs. His head is spinning with sleep deprivation and his mouth just goes off unchecked.

"What do you mean?" Adam asks. They've reached Kris's landing and Adam turns to give Kris a concerned look. Kris doesn't answer, Adam's chest looks so wide and inviting that he face plants into it, linking his arms behind Adam's back.

Adam chuckles, wrapping one arm around Kris's shoulders while he unlocks the door with the other. "You're like an octopus when you're sleepy," he remarks.

"Mmm," Kris agrees, from where he's got his face tucked into the crook of Adam's neck. Adam always smells so good. He knows he should let go and back off. Adam’s got Jasper now and Kris has never been that guy, but his arms just won't cooperate, clutching tighter instead of easing up.

"Okay, baby," Adam says when it's getting obvious Kris isn't going to let up. "You gotta work with me here."

Kris makes a noncommittal sound against Adam's neck. He's half asleep already. Somehow Adam manages to maneuver them through the door and then further into the apartment. It's almost like slow dancing except there's no music and Kris keeps stumbling over his own feet. Then they're in the bedroom and Adam almost forcibly pushes Kris away to look at him, cupping a hand under his chin to make him look up.

"Are you okay?" he asks, pressing his wrist against Kris's forehead for a moment, before gently prodding at the underside of his jaw and then back towards his neck.

"'M not sick," Kris protests, trying to pull away. "Just tired."

Adam's only response is a thoughtful hmmm as he checks Kris's pulse. Kris rolls his eyes, but suffers through the checkup. It's not like he actually minds having Adam's hands on him.

"Okay," Adam says, sliding his hands down to rest on Kris's shoulders. "You're not allowed out of bed with less than eight solid hours of sleep. Doctor's orders."

Kris manages half a smile, looking up at Adam through his lashes. Adam smiles back, but he still looks worried.

"You're really, really important to me. You know that, right?" Adam says seriously.

Kris averts his eyes, mumbling an affirmative.

"I mean it," Adam says, cupping Kris's jaw to make him look up again.

Kris blinks a couple of times and manages a jerky nod. Adam really needs to stop being sweet and caring and thoughtful and amazing because Kris is already too far gone. Adam smiles again, but the frown won't disappear from between his brows.

"Let's get you into bed," he says.

It's a good thing Kris is so tired, or he would probably have embarrassed himself when Adam starts undressing him. Unceremoniously shoving Kris' shirt down over his arms and unbuttoning his jeans with certain fingers, until Kris is left in t-shirt and boxers.

"Cute," Adam remarks, pulling lightly at Kris's plaid boxers.

Kris wishes he'd known Adam would be undressing him when he got dressed last night. He would have worn some more exciting underwear for sure. Jasper probably wouldn't be caught dead in plaid flannel boxers.

Adam pulls the covers away and pushes Kris towards the bed, more or less making him fall onto it. Kris rolls over on his back and looks up at Adam while Adam tucks the covers in around him.

"I wish I'd made you stay," he murmurs.

Adam frowns and smiles at the same time, looking as if he's not sure what Kris is talking about. "Now you're officially worrying me," he says.

"Don't lie," Kris answers sleepily. "I was officially worrying you fifteen minutes ago, now I'm freaking you out."

"Tell me about it," Adam mutters, bending forward to press a kiss against Kris's forehead. "Get some sleep, baby," he says softly. "I'll call you after work and if nothing else I'll see you Friday."

"What's Friday?" Kris asks but it comes out mostly unintelligible.

"Cassidy's house warming party."

Kris doesn't answer, almost asleep already with the ghost of Adam's lips resting against his forehead.

"Sweet dreams," Adam whispers and that's the last thing Kris hears before sleep claims him.



Continued...