i might as well write to my dearest of dear journals that i started purging again. here we go. i gotta say, the blood in my nose sure is the best part. but im done accepting the consequences of overeating. boom. fuck it.

im freaking irritated. im reaching a breaking point. ive been around a year. im starting to think that is so fucking beyond enough. im upset. im sick of being treated this way. i deserve better. people have been telling me this for 9 months of this. how much more should i take?

But i do ( Read more... )

Most times in life we need to fight our own battles. But there are times, every so often, when there is a battle that we just cannot fight by ourselves. I'm fighting one of those right now. The only person firmly standing by me is in Fort Worth, Texas. But she has helped me so much. The battle isn't over, but I am hoping it will be within 48 hours ( Read more... )

Its nights like these that I wish that I had someone-friend or more- to lay with me still, not saying a word, just holding me. Letting me know that I am not alone, allowing me to silently reflect upon all that I have lost, knowing it as well. Laying silent with me and not telling me what could have been different had I not said this or that. I miss ( Read more... )

I can't eat... even when I try. I just end up getting sick to my stomach and throwing up until only phlegm and a small amount of blood come out... and then it subsides... my body will only accept liquids. And all I have is water. Water and 87¢ on my debit card. I'm not sure what to do. I guess I'll figure it out after the semester is over. I'll ( Read more... )

you proudly predicted my "epic fail" to all my friends. well i tried. now its the 10th of the month. the front end of my truck is smashed and it wasnt my fault. i have 5 dollars left to my tank. i just put 20 dollars in my gas tank and its STILL on low fuel, and anthony, who promised i wouldnt be alone through losing my job, wont speak to me, and i ( Read more... )

confusion is consuming me. pain. is it normal to feel this deep?

on January 17th, i wrote the following in a word document ( Read more... )

im sick of feeling melancholy. why cant things be different? will i ever get over this ( Read more... )