When Bookmarks Were In Mustache Land
Disclaimer: contains naughty language, a great deal of biased paraphrasing, and no one's opinion but mine.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Geek Chorus (A Bunch Of Very Nice Women [Mostly] Who Write Stories Set In Various Popular Fictional Worlds, With Lots Of Crazy Sex)
Delicious (A Website, Home To Many Cherished Links)
Sandy (A Representative For Diigo)
Maciej Cegłowski (A Pinboard Developer With A Keen Business Sense And A Somewhat Odd Yet Sort Of Endearing Epic Grudge Against Bedbugs)
Longtime Pinboard Users (A Demographic Largely Consisting Of Tech-Oriented Men)
The Monsterdoc (A GDoc That Could Seriously Fuck Your Shit Up)
The OCD!Anons (A Subset Of Fandom With A Lot Of Spare Time And A Fetish For Consistent Margins)
Johannes (Some Guy From The Internet)
SCENE I
(The members of the GEEK CHORUS are happily going about their usual Monday night business, reading and sharing fic, when suddenly all activity grinds to a halt. Eyes narrow. Eyebrows furrow. Hands are abruptly removed from pants.)
GEEK CHORUS
Huh? What's going on with delicious?
DELICIOUS
We've redesigned! Check out our new look!
GEEK CHORUS
Um, okay, sure. Whatcha got for us?
DELICIOUS
Mustaches!
GEEK CHORUS
Mustaches.
DELICIOUS
Yes! You can compile all your mustache-related links with our handy new stacks feature!
GEEK CHORUS
Uh-huh. Wait, where's the network page? Where are tag subscriptions? Why can't we search by date? Why won't the / character work in search? How do we edit tags? Where are our bundles?
DELICIOUS
Don't you like mustaches?
GEEK CHORUS
Okay, clearly there's been a pretty major misunderstanding here. Can we talk about this?
DELICIOUS
..................
GEEK CHORUS
Fuck this. We're going to bed.
SCENE II
GEEK CHORUS
Hey, delicious? You there?
DELICIOUS
..................
GEEK CHORUS
Hm. That's not good. What are our other options here? Pinboard sounds good, but the paywall is a problem. Let's try diigo.
(The GEEK CHORUS begins importing to diigo.)
GEEK CHORUS
No, that "spanking" tag was public. No, public. No... what the hell?
SANDY
Your tags are bad and inappropriate. Keep them to yourselves.
GEEK CHORUS
Seriously, diigo? How have you not gotten this memo?
MACIEJ
Hey, fandom?
GEEK CHORUS
What? Are you talking to us? Really?
MACIEJ
Yep! Just wanted to let you know the / character works fine on Pinboard. If you have any questions about the site, I'll respond to your tweet with helpful and witty customer service in an average of 8.2 seconds, while simultaneously coding with my toes to fix every bug you find. I can also help you navigate the new delicious regardless of whether you're a Pinboard user. Be sure to check out these other online bookmarking alternatives too, and make an informed decision about which site is right for you.
GEEK CHORUS
Holy shit. These guys are great.
MACIEJ
Singular! It's just little ol' me over here.
GEEK CHORUS
This dude is like Tom Hardy. He can't possibly be real. Maybe we should try this Pinboard thing out.
LONGTIME PINBOARD USERS
What's this? People are bookmarking fanfic on our website? Whatever will we do?
MACIEJ
I dunno guys, maybe try "/search/?query=bigboypanties+&mine"?
GEEK CHORUS
All right. You're awesome enough that we're willing to give you our money. Don't fuck this up.
MACIEJ
Welcome! I shall endeavor not to. Could you perhaps help me out with that by letting me know what you'd like to see on the site?
GEEK CHORUS
WHY YES, WE SURE AS SHIT CAN.
SCENE III
GEEK CHORUS
We will create a monsterdoc!
BANDOM SUBSET OF GEEK CHORUS
Monstercock? Is somebody talking about Ryan Ross?
REST OF GEEK CHORUS
Doc, doc. A monsterdoc! It will speak for us, and through it we will convey our needs to this person who seems to actually care about them!
MONSTERDOC
Tag bundles, please!
MACIEJ
Can do!
GEEK CHORUS
Maciej? Is that you? Are you actually in our gdoc responding to our requests as we type them?
MACIEJ
Right here wearing the orange! *waves* So can you try to expand a little on the subject of tag bundles?
MONSTERDOC
*eats Tokyo*
SCENE IV
MACIEJ
Hey, anybody out there want to learn a thing or two about online collaboration, or teamwork, or communication, or, like... anything? Look at this fucking spec doc. Fangirls seriously know their shit.
REST OF WORLD
*pays no attention, as usual*
MONSTERDOC
Man, this guy is great! He's so much more awesome than the delicious people. He could kick their asses. With a whip. Ooooooh...
MACIEJ
Do I need to make you guys sign an agreement to leave me out of your porn before I let you use my site? Really?
MONSTERDOC
*cough* Sorry 'bout that. Little carried away. So. Greasemonkey...
SCENE V
OCD!ANONS
Table of contents is up-to-date... let's just get that margin there... oh, this thread belongs with this other thread... whoops, gotta update the table of contents again... wash hands...
LESS FINANCIALLY SOLVENT MEMBERS OF GEEK CHORUS
Pinboard looks great, but...
MORE FINANCIALLY SOLVENT MEMBERS OF GEEK CHORUS
Oh dude, we got that for you. Long as you promise to keep your tags neatly organized so we can find stuff.
LESS FINANCIALLY SOLVENT MEMBERS OF GEEK CHORUS
Score.
OCD!ANONS
...neat organization, yes, yes...
GEEK CHORUS
Looks like new ideas are slowing down a bit. Shall we summarize for a vote?
JOHANNES
Hey, guys! I don't know what "fandom" is but this gdoc is super nifty. Can I help you make a poll?
GEEK CHORUS
Sure!
OCD!ANONS
...fix that margin... change that hyphen-hyphen-angle-bracket to a real arrow... consolidate that discussion... he already said he'd do that, move it to the "retired" section... touch the doorknob fifteen times...
SCENE VI
GEEK CHORUS
We have a poll!
MACIEJ
Take your poll!
GEEK CHORUS
On it!
JOHANNES
Wow, I did not mean to stay up that late. You guys are great. So hey, I'm curious about these explicit works of fiction of which you speak. Can you perhaps share with me some of these "NSFW" links my fellow Pinboard users are tweeting about so indignantly?
GEEK CHORUS
*rubs hands together*
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Geek Chorus (A Bunch Of Very Nice Women [Mostly] Who Write Stories Set In Various Popular Fictional Worlds, With Lots Of Crazy Sex)
Delicious (A Website, Home To Many Cherished Links)
Sandy (A Representative For Diigo)
Maciej Cegłowski (A Pinboard Developer With A Keen Business Sense And A Somewhat Odd Yet Sort Of Endearing Epic Grudge Against Bedbugs)
Longtime Pinboard Users (A Demographic Largely Consisting Of Tech-Oriented Men)
The Monsterdoc (A GDoc That Could Seriously Fuck Your Shit Up)
The OCD!Anons (A Subset Of Fandom With A Lot Of Spare Time And A Fetish For Consistent Margins)
Johannes (Some Guy From The Internet)
SCENE I
(The members of the GEEK CHORUS are happily going about their usual Monday night business, reading and sharing fic, when suddenly all activity grinds to a halt. Eyes narrow. Eyebrows furrow. Hands are abruptly removed from pants.)
GEEK CHORUS
Huh? What's going on with delicious?
DELICIOUS
We've redesigned! Check out our new look!
GEEK CHORUS
Um, okay, sure. Whatcha got for us?
DELICIOUS
Mustaches!
GEEK CHORUS
Mustaches.
DELICIOUS
Yes! You can compile all your mustache-related links with our handy new stacks feature!
GEEK CHORUS
Uh-huh. Wait, where's the network page? Where are tag subscriptions? Why can't we search by date? Why won't the / character work in search? How do we edit tags? Where are our bundles?
DELICIOUS
Don't you like mustaches?
GEEK CHORUS
Okay, clearly there's been a pretty major misunderstanding here. Can we talk about this?
DELICIOUS
..................
GEEK CHORUS
Fuck this. We're going to bed.
SCENE II
GEEK CHORUS
Hey, delicious? You there?
DELICIOUS
..................
GEEK CHORUS
Hm. That's not good. What are our other options here? Pinboard sounds good, but the paywall is a problem. Let's try diigo.
(The GEEK CHORUS begins importing to diigo.)
GEEK CHORUS
No, that "spanking" tag was public. No, public. No... what the hell?
SANDY
Your tags are bad and inappropriate. Keep them to yourselves.
GEEK CHORUS
Seriously, diigo? How have you not gotten this memo?
MACIEJ
Hey, fandom?
GEEK CHORUS
What? Are you talking to us? Really?
MACIEJ
Yep! Just wanted to let you know the / character works fine on Pinboard. If you have any questions about the site, I'll respond to your tweet with helpful and witty customer service in an average of 8.2 seconds, while simultaneously coding with my toes to fix every bug you find. I can also help you navigate the new delicious regardless of whether you're a Pinboard user. Be sure to check out these other online bookmarking alternatives too, and make an informed decision about which site is right for you.
GEEK CHORUS
Holy shit. These guys are great.
MACIEJ
Singular! It's just little ol' me over here.
GEEK CHORUS
This dude is like Tom Hardy. He can't possibly be real. Maybe we should try this Pinboard thing out.
LONGTIME PINBOARD USERS
What's this? People are bookmarking fanfic on our website? Whatever will we do?
MACIEJ
I dunno guys, maybe try "/search/?query=bigboypanties+&mine"?
GEEK CHORUS
All right. You're awesome enough that we're willing to give you our money. Don't fuck this up.
MACIEJ
Welcome! I shall endeavor not to. Could you perhaps help me out with that by letting me know what you'd like to see on the site?
GEEK CHORUS
WHY YES, WE SURE AS SHIT CAN.
SCENE III
GEEK CHORUS
We will create a monsterdoc!
BANDOM SUBSET OF GEEK CHORUS
Monstercock? Is somebody talking about Ryan Ross?
REST OF GEEK CHORUS
Doc, doc. A monsterdoc! It will speak for us, and through it we will convey our needs to this person who seems to actually care about them!
MONSTERDOC
Tag bundles, please!
MACIEJ
Can do!
GEEK CHORUS
Maciej? Is that you? Are you actually in our gdoc responding to our requests as we type them?
MACIEJ
Right here wearing the orange! *waves* So can you try to expand a little on the subject of tag bundles?
MONSTERDOC
*eats Tokyo*
SCENE IV
MACIEJ
Hey, anybody out there want to learn a thing or two about online collaboration, or teamwork, or communication, or, like... anything? Look at this fucking spec doc. Fangirls seriously know their shit.
REST OF WORLD
*pays no attention, as usual*
MONSTERDOC
Man, this guy is great! He's so much more awesome than the delicious people. He could kick their asses. With a whip. Ooooooh...
MACIEJ
Do I need to make you guys sign an agreement to leave me out of your porn before I let you use my site? Really?
MONSTERDOC
*cough* Sorry 'bout that. Little carried away. So. Greasemonkey...
SCENE V
OCD!ANONS
Table of contents is up-to-date... let's just get that margin there... oh, this thread belongs with this other thread... whoops, gotta update the table of contents again... wash hands...
LESS FINANCIALLY SOLVENT MEMBERS OF GEEK CHORUS
Pinboard looks great, but...
MORE FINANCIALLY SOLVENT MEMBERS OF GEEK CHORUS
Oh dude, we got that for you. Long as you promise to keep your tags neatly organized so we can find stuff.
LESS FINANCIALLY SOLVENT MEMBERS OF GEEK CHORUS
Score.
OCD!ANONS
...neat organization, yes, yes...
GEEK CHORUS
Looks like new ideas are slowing down a bit. Shall we summarize for a vote?
JOHANNES
Hey, guys! I don't know what "fandom" is but this gdoc is super nifty. Can I help you make a poll?
GEEK CHORUS
Sure!
OCD!ANONS
...fix that margin... change that hyphen-hyphen-angle-bracket to a real arrow... consolidate that discussion... he already said he'd do that, move it to the "retired" section... touch the doorknob fifteen times...
SCENE VI
GEEK CHORUS
We have a poll!
MACIEJ
Take your poll!
GEEK CHORUS
On it!
JOHANNES
Wow, I did not mean to stay up that late. You guys are great. So hey, I'm curious about these explicit works of fiction of which you speak. Can you perhaps share with me some of these "NSFW" links my fellow Pinboard users are tweeting about so indignantly?
GEEK CHORUS
*rubs hands together*