Prov 28 || Race
Title: The Magical Rock
Author: inuyashacooks
Rating: PG-13
AU/CU: CU
Word Count: 748
Warnings: Language, themes, crack.
Summary: [Post-manga.] Miroku's lies become Sesshoumaru's ridiculous obsession.
Author's Note: also a giftfic for tupelo_thief!
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"This," Sesshoumaru said, "Is a rock."
Miroku smiled brightly. "Yes."
Something in Sesshoumaru's eyes fizzled- sent some warning. Miroku kept his cool. "Yes, it is a rock- but not just any rock. This is a magical rock."
"That is a rock and you are a liar," Sesshoumaru corrected. "And now you are wasting my time."
"I'm no liar!" Miroku grinned, motioning toward the rock. "You'll note that it has a particular beauty about it." Sesshoumaru looked at the rock. It was pretty much the ugliest rock ever. It just looked like a festering hunk of crap and it was most likely crawling with chlamydia. Miroku cleared his throat nervously. "Uhm well, anyway, it has the power to ah...to, hmm..."
An idea struck him- moving his hand as discreetly as he could to his side, he continued. "What makes it magical- is that it is extremely shiny," he said- then poised one of Kagome's old "cameras" so that it poked slightly out of his sleeve...
Sesshoumaru's eyes lit. "I feel you're hiding something from me," he said, taking a dangerous step forward;
And then Miroku pressed the button: Sesshoumaru halted in his steps, absorbed what just happened...he looked at Miroku vaguely.
"Hmm," he said, "So you are not lying, monk."
Miroku nodded, feeling triumphant, then said his goodbyes and headed home. He smiled to himself. He was so ingenious, it was unfair, really.
...Except not really, because Miroku could never see how far his lies might go. Sesshoumaru brewed over the beauty of the rock for nights- sure it looked like it had gonorrhea, but the flash was damn shiny; also, why should it belong to that mutt? Honestly. It was a little ridiculous that Sesshoumaru, a being of absolute glittering beauty, should not also have a rock of absolute glittering beauty.
So Sesshoumaru went confidently toward Kaede's village. "Lord Sesshoumaru," Jaken squeaked, "Are you sure you wish to go through the trouble? It doesn't flash, I've inspected it..."
Sesshoumaru paused. "Of course it wouldn't flash for you, worm," he reasoned coolly, "You don't know the password."
Jaken's eyes flattened. "The password to what? That rock is total AIDs," he muttered underneath his breath-
Hearing that bit of mutiny, Sesshoumaru swept down and grabbed Jaken by the neck. "Listen, Giggles," he said, his words hissing acid. The expression on his face read: "IMMINENT DOOM. GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200." The look didn't change- it stayed with that perfect chill, turning Jaken's nerves into jelly.
"I trust you understand now."
"Y-ye-yes, Milord!" Jaken spat zealously.
"Good," Sesshoumaru replied, and began his stride again.
Sounds like thunder: Sesshoumaru was at the village entrance, with murderous intent in his eyes. Miroku and Inuyasha stood before him, ready for a fight.
"I have decided," Sesshoumaru started, "That the magical rock shall come into my possession."
"But, the thing is," Miroku said quickly, "The magical rock, if you take it by force, will curse you. You'll go completely bald and also be chained to the sea. So."
Sesshoumaru paused, curiously. "Then," he finally said, "We shall have a race."
"Are you two fucking high?" Inuyasha balked, but before another word could be gotten in Miroku pulled him over to the side, beginning to talk in low, confiding tones.
"Please," Miroku said seriously, "You must win this race. I may or may not have lied to Sesshoumaru about there being a magical rock in the forest. Regardless, my life depends on it."
"Awright, awright," Inuyasha sighed, rolling his eyes. "He's one fast motherfucker, tho'. No promises."
Miroku paused. "...I believe I have an idea." He walked back over to Sesshoumaru, leaving Inuyasha vexed.
"Alright- shall we start now?" Miroku asked. "And I'll chose the destination."
Sesshoumaru's eyebrow quirked. "Fine."
"Alright! Then, start right here," Miroku said, marking the place with a line. "You'll race to Inuyasha and Kagome's house. That's fair, isn't it?"
The brothers gave a slight nod.
Miroku smiled. "Well, then! On your mark, get set- oh, Inuyasha, isn't Kagome making ramen tonight?-"
"Aw motherfucker it's on," Inuyasha said-
"GO!"
Needless to say Inuyasha won that race. All Sesshoumaru said was, "For now, you may keep it," and turned out the door.
"Wow, he's really fucking stupid," Inuyasha remarked, stuffing his face.
"Inuyasha! Do you need to make such a mess!" Kagome snapped.
"Hmm, I really am a genius," Miroku mused thoughtfully over his cup of tea, the sounds of Kagome and Inuyasha's argument fading against his small triumph.
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Author: inuyashacooks
Rating: PG-13
AU/CU: CU
Word Count: 748
Warnings: Language, themes, crack.
Summary: [Post-manga.] Miroku's lies become Sesshoumaru's ridiculous obsession.
Author's Note: also a giftfic for tupelo_thief!
-----------------------
"This," Sesshoumaru said, "Is a rock."
Miroku smiled brightly. "Yes."
Something in Sesshoumaru's eyes fizzled- sent some warning. Miroku kept his cool. "Yes, it is a rock- but not just any rock. This is a magical rock."
"That is a rock and you are a liar," Sesshoumaru corrected. "And now you are wasting my time."
"I'm no liar!" Miroku grinned, motioning toward the rock. "You'll note that it has a particular beauty about it." Sesshoumaru looked at the rock. It was pretty much the ugliest rock ever. It just looked like a festering hunk of crap and it was most likely crawling with chlamydia. Miroku cleared his throat nervously. "Uhm well, anyway, it has the power to ah...to, hmm..."
An idea struck him- moving his hand as discreetly as he could to his side, he continued. "What makes it magical- is that it is extremely shiny," he said- then poised one of Kagome's old "cameras" so that it poked slightly out of his sleeve...
Sesshoumaru's eyes lit. "I feel you're hiding something from me," he said, taking a dangerous step forward;
And then Miroku pressed the button: Sesshoumaru halted in his steps, absorbed what just happened...he looked at Miroku vaguely.
"Hmm," he said, "So you are not lying, monk."
Miroku nodded, feeling triumphant, then said his goodbyes and headed home. He smiled to himself. He was so ingenious, it was unfair, really.
...Except not really, because Miroku could never see how far his lies might go. Sesshoumaru brewed over the beauty of the rock for nights- sure it looked like it had gonorrhea, but the flash was damn shiny; also, why should it belong to that mutt? Honestly. It was a little ridiculous that Sesshoumaru, a being of absolute glittering beauty, should not also have a rock of absolute glittering beauty.
So Sesshoumaru went confidently toward Kaede's village. "Lord Sesshoumaru," Jaken squeaked, "Are you sure you wish to go through the trouble? It doesn't flash, I've inspected it..."
Sesshoumaru paused. "Of course it wouldn't flash for you, worm," he reasoned coolly, "You don't know the password."
Jaken's eyes flattened. "The password to what? That rock is total AIDs," he muttered underneath his breath-
Hearing that bit of mutiny, Sesshoumaru swept down and grabbed Jaken by the neck. "Listen, Giggles," he said, his words hissing acid. The expression on his face read: "IMMINENT DOOM. GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200." The look didn't change- it stayed with that perfect chill, turning Jaken's nerves into jelly.
"I trust you understand now."
"Y-ye-yes, Milord!" Jaken spat zealously.
"Good," Sesshoumaru replied, and began his stride again.
Sounds like thunder: Sesshoumaru was at the village entrance, with murderous intent in his eyes. Miroku and Inuyasha stood before him, ready for a fight.
"I have decided," Sesshoumaru started, "That the magical rock shall come into my possession."
"But, the thing is," Miroku said quickly, "The magical rock, if you take it by force, will curse you. You'll go completely bald and also be chained to the sea. So."
Sesshoumaru paused, curiously. "Then," he finally said, "We shall have a race."
"Are you two fucking high?" Inuyasha balked, but before another word could be gotten in Miroku pulled him over to the side, beginning to talk in low, confiding tones.
"Please," Miroku said seriously, "You must win this race. I may or may not have lied to Sesshoumaru about there being a magical rock in the forest. Regardless, my life depends on it."
"Awright, awright," Inuyasha sighed, rolling his eyes. "He's one fast motherfucker, tho'. No promises."
Miroku paused. "...I believe I have an idea." He walked back over to Sesshoumaru, leaving Inuyasha vexed.
"Alright- shall we start now?" Miroku asked. "And I'll chose the destination."
Sesshoumaru's eyebrow quirked. "Fine."
"Alright! Then, start right here," Miroku said, marking the place with a line. "You'll race to Inuyasha and Kagome's house. That's fair, isn't it?"
The brothers gave a slight nod.
Miroku smiled. "Well, then! On your mark, get set- oh, Inuyasha, isn't Kagome making ramen tonight?-"
"Aw motherfucker it's on," Inuyasha said-
"GO!"
Needless to say Inuyasha won that race. All Sesshoumaru said was, "For now, you may keep it," and turned out the door.
"Wow, he's really fucking stupid," Inuyasha remarked, stuffing his face.
"Inuyasha! Do you need to make such a mess!" Kagome snapped.
"Hmm, I really am a genius," Miroku mused thoughtfully over his cup of tea, the sounds of Kagome and Inuyasha's argument fading against his small triumph.
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