Fic: Puzzling Evidence (Part XIII), NC-17, Lorne/Zelenka by inkscribe
Title: Puzzling Evidence (Part XIII)
Author: inkscribe
Pairings: Lorne/Zelenka
Kink: mild D/s, bondage, spanking
Warnings: Less dark. Sadly, less smut, too!
Angst-o-meter: deci-angst (moderate)
Rating: NC-17
Words: ~2100 (this part)
Spoilers: S3.08 - “McKay and Mrs. Miller”, S3.15 - “Tao of Rodney”
Locations: atlantiskink, welovezelenka, slashing_lorne, my LJ
Feedback: yes, please!
Summary: What we see is not always what it seems.
Chapter Summary: Thoughts.
New to this WIP? Check out the Puzzling Evidence chapter index! Please remember to read the header block of each chapter for related spoiler alerts, warnings, and notes.
ETA: This chapter now revised with tooltip translations. [end ETA]
Author's Notes: IANAD - I Am Not A Doctor! Nor a therapist! Nor ... (insert relevant medical professional here).
Happy New Year, gentle readers! It has just clicked over into 2007 in my time zone, so here’s the first posting of Puzzling Evidence for the new year! I hope everyone has a great time of it!
Gay!Sex!Beta’d. Insta-beta by mice1900; any errors are most definitely mine. ;-)
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is not mine; please don’t sue, we’ll both regret it in the morning.
Rodney dragged himself through the routine of his day trying to bring some sense of normalcy back to his life. Not that normal was truly possible, of course. No, Radek was gone and while he suspected both Radek and Marc would be out of the infirmary today, he didn’t expect Radek to come back to Rodney’s lab anytime soon, if ever. Radek could work almost anywhere in Atlantis, plenty of teams would give anything to have someone like him in their group.
Teams, Rodney thought, and his discomfort and agitation sank into depression. He’d thought he and John were a team, or part of a team, at any rate. He’d thought they were good friends, too. But John and Carson - well, it looked like John hadn’t trusted Rodney any more than Radek had when it came to sharing details of his personal life with Rodney.
He sat, staring into space. No, that’s the way it is, I guess, he thought. Not friends. Just co-workers. It was always like that, really. Back in Canada, when he was a kid. Back in the USA, when he worked with the SGC. Co-workers aplenty. Even some who had shared with him their gratitude at having the opportunity to work with the Rodney McKay, PhD.
Rodney snorted.
Lots of co-workers, but no friends. Same shit, different galaxy. Yeah, that was it. Nothing really changes, not in one universe. Maybe in Rod’s universe there was something better - the man certainly seemed at ease with himself, he seemed to have a carefree attitude that indicated he didn’t feel lonely very often. Hell, Rod probably had at least a half-dozen broken hearts in his first year on Atlantis alone.
Rodney snorted again. Not like me, he thought. Definitely not like me.
A sudden thought crossed his mind - Ronon? Both Teyla and Ronon treated him nicely, sometimes far better than he deserved. Rodney had even been surprised when Ronon was so - enthusiastic - about Rodney’s safe return from imminent death after the debacle with the ascension machine. Surely that was friendship? Not just something for co-workers, not just something for team mates?
John. Sigh. And Carson. They’d made their own little team together and Rodney hadn’t noticed, and he hadn’t been invited to know a thing about it, and he had never even had a chance with either of them.
oOo
Marc watched Radek, worried, as his lover tossed in his sleep. Radek was still so fragile, so broken. Everything that had happened to them the past few days, everything they had survived, had pushed the scientist into a strange headspace that left Marc not only worried, but frightened.
He closed his eyes for a moment, needing to think. Anything seemed to set Radek off, anything unexpected, anything out of the ordinary. Their time together in the isolation room had so many beautiful moments, but Marc suspected that leaving the confines of the infirmary would take enormous effort on Radek’s part, not to mention a huge amount of support from Marc.
Radek had fallen apart when Marc told him about Doctor Beckett. He changed from outrage to crestfallen to horror almost instantly, bursting into tears and sobbing into Marc’s chest. Marc wasn’t surprised - he hated distracting Radek from the emergency when Radek had caught him standing next to Weir and Sheppard, but when he couldn’t avoid telling his lover any longer, Radek fell apart, just as Marc had suspected he would.
Marc felt as though Radek had become stretched, taut - able to handle things that helped him feel secure, but less able to handle the unexpected. When the unexpected came, Radek went from being a finely-crafted, finely-tuned instrument to having his strings snap under the tension.
Marc was worried, very worried. He knew he loved Radek, knew he wanted to be there for him, but Radek had his own secrets, his own things that he kept from Marc, and Marc was beginning to suspect that those secrets were even now eating away at his lover’s soul. How can I help him, Marc wondered, when I don’t even know where to begin?
Marc would be there, yes - no way would he ever willingly leave Radek. He just hoped, for Radek’s sake, that it would be enough, because Marc really didn’t know what more he could do.
oOo
Carson opened his eyes. Ceiling. Ceiling above him. Bed. Bed beneath him. Sound - too much sound. He wasn’t in his quarters - where was he?
Infirmary. He must have fallen asleep in the infirmary. Wait - no. What was he doing on a bed? He often fell asleep in the infirmary slumped over his desk, slouched in his chair. What was he doing in bed?
Carson frowned. He wasn’t in the infirmary, though. Not before. No, he had left. He remembered leaving, checking charts one final time, signing off on meds and other orders before his shift ended. He remembered checking in on Marc and Radek -
Marc and Radek. Carson blinked. He felt sick, an intense sinking feeling dropping in his stomach, fast. God, what did he do? He left the infirmary, he went to his quarters. He wasn’t feeling very well that night? No, he wasn’t. Marc and Radek.
He was doing something, he did something. Something happened? He couldn’t remember. Why was he in the infirmary? Marc and Radek.
Good lord, Carson thought. What have I done?
Memories flicked through his mind - sad, no - depressed. Thinking. Worrying about reports, worrying about Marc and Radek. Marc and Radek. Carson felt sick; sick and - lonely? Yes. Carson was lonely.
Then, suddenly, a bright flash of memory cut through the haze of his unfocused, half-formed memories. He remembered the cord.
God, he thought. Oh god. What have I done?.
oOo
“Marc?” Radek asked. His voice was strained and he knew he sounded terrible, sounded as though he were about to cry.
Marc glanced over to him. “Yes?“
Radek stopped, stuck. He knew what he wanted to say, what he needed to ask, but he still felt frightened at the need, embarassed by his weakness.
Ne, he thought. Not weak. It was not weak to speak your mind, to ask for what you need, to tell - ne, it was not weak.
Marc looked at him, patient and waiting. He is always so patient, Radek thought. Not impulsive like Colonel Sheppard. Radek felt himself shiver slightly at the thought of the other soldier, Marc's superior officer. He would have to get that under control, if not for his own sake, then for Marc's. Marc did not need a hostile superior on duty, only to come home to a -
Home - that was the problem. Radek was sure Marc would be released today, even if the doctors wanted to keep him on IV antibiotics, there was no longer any reason to keep him in the infirmary full-time. Releasing Marc probably meant releasing Radek, and Radek wasn’t ready to go home, not to his quarters.
“Marc,” Radek tried again, felt stress rising again, but ne, he could control it.
“I - I do not know what to do,” he confessed, his breath heavy as he tried to keep from being overwhelmed with his fears.
“About what?” Marc prompted, gentle.
“I am -” Radek whispered. “Afraid.”
Marc nodded. “Okay.”
Radek slumped, his eyes fluttering shut. This should not be so difficult, he thought. He felt Marc’s hand on his shoulder, firm, heard him ask, “Can you tell me what you’re afraid of?”
“I - I cannot go back,” Radek whispered.
Radek opened his eyes to Marc’s looking into his, close, their foreheads almost touching like the traditional Athosian farewell.
“Back to your quarters?” Marc asked.
Radek nodded. “I think of that night. It is all I can think of někdy.”
“I know,” Marc said. “I think of it too.”
“I cannot return,” Radek said.
“I understand.”
“And -” his voice dropped to the slightest whisper. “I am afraid to be alone.”
Marc smiled and leaned in slightly to give him a kiss. “I won’t leave you alone. I’ve been thinking about this too. I think we should find new quarters.”
“I do not think I can return to - to pack,” Radek said.
“I know,” Marc said. “I understand. I can manage the packing, and I can get some help with the carrying.”
Radek knew he looked frightened again, felt stupid and weak inside all over again.
“But I don’t think you want to be alone while I do that,” Marc continued. “Would you be okay to wait with Doctor Weir or Doctor Heightmeyer while I take care of it?”
Radek shook as relief coursed through him. “ Děkuji.”
oOo
“I don’t think we’re going to have any choice, Elizabeth,” said Kate.
Elizabeth sighed, feeling drained, as though she had been pushed too long, too far, by small degrees. “I know. I’m just worried.”
“Worried that others will treat them differently, treat them badly? Or worried that you’ll set a precedent you’re not entirely prepared to deal with?” Kate asked.
“Both, I suppose,” said Elizabeth, considering her question.
“I believe this is a good solution” Kate said. “It will give Radek the support he needs right now without causing further drain on infirmary resources.”
Elizabeth looked at Kate, surprised. “Resources?”
Kate smiled, gentle. “I don’t mean anything bad by that, Elizabeth. It’s just that we’re not really set up to handle long-term post-traumatic stress disorder cases here, not the type that requires constant observation.”
“No,” Elizabeth sighed. “That’s true.”
“And you’ve said yourself that you want to find some way for Radek to function again, and you don’t believe that will happen without Marc,” Kate said. “You know that I concur with that assessment. Granting their request for new quarters will give Radek access to Marc, and keep Radek out of his former quarters. Again, I strongly recommend that at the least, Radek’s request be taken seriously - I have no doubt that he cannot face returning to that space after the trauma he experienced there.”
Elizabeth nodded, sighed again. “Yes, I know.”
“But?” Kate asked, her own face slightly worried.
“But - I keep having the same worries,” Elizabeth said, frustrated. “Like you said, I’m worried people might treat them differently. I’m worried everyone will suddenly decide they want to change quarters, and the difficulties that will pose both for logistics and for the personal and professional dynamics among our personnel.”
“Give them some credit, Elizabeth,” Kate said, her smile gentle. “They’re smart people. You know that. Helping one couple during an unusual crisis isn’t likely to open any floodgates.”
Elizabeth nodded, thinking. Kate was right, really. In all likelihood there were couples all over Atlantis - just because she wasn’t aware of them didn’t mean they didn’t exist. Didn’t Marc and Radek each confess to Doctor Beckett that they had been seeing each other, romantically, for months? Elizabeth worked with Radek from time to time - she had never heard a hint from him that he had someone to go home to when he was off-duty. She had never heard rumours. No, Kate was right. Other relationships were out there, and like Marc and Radek’s had been until John and Rodney’s unfortunate interference, those relationships were discreet. Very discreet, she thought.
Kate stood, readying herself to leave Elizabeth’s office. “I’ll be seeing Carson today. Can we meet again tomorrow to discuss my initial assessment?”
“Yes,” said Elizabeth. “Yes of course. First thing in the morning.”
oOo
John stretched, uncomfortable and beginning to ache in his lower back from being slouched in a chair for the better part of several hours. He was tired, tired from worry and lack of sleep; but no matter how gentle the suggestions from Carson’s staff, he wasn’t planning to leave his vigil anytime soon. Not until Carson woke up. Not until after Carson woke up.
He reached his hand automatically for Carson’s, to grasp his fingers with his own, stealing a touch for himself, giving Carson something human to connect with, something human to draw him back into life again. John sighed.
“Come on, Carson,” John whispered. “Any time you’re ready, buddy. I’ll be here.”
He felt Carson’s hand twitch, fast, hard, under his own. John looked up into Carson’s face and saw him, wide-eyed, his stare full of shock, his eyes awake and aware.
“Hey, Carson,” John managed to choke out. “Welcome back.”
End Part XIII
Author: inkscribe
Pairings: Lorne/Zelenka
Kink: mild D/s, bondage, spanking
Warnings: Less dark. Sadly, less smut, too!
Angst-o-meter: deci-angst (moderate)
Rating: NC-17
Words: ~2100 (this part)
Spoilers: S3.08 - “McKay and Mrs. Miller”, S3.15 - “Tao of Rodney”
Locations: atlantiskink, welovezelenka, slashing_lorne, my LJ
Feedback: yes, please!
Summary: What we see is not always what it seems.
Chapter Summary: Thoughts.
New to this WIP? Check out the Puzzling Evidence chapter index! Please remember to read the header block of each chapter for related spoiler alerts, warnings, and notes.
ETA: This chapter now revised with tooltip translations. [end ETA]
Author's Notes: IANAD - I Am Not A Doctor! Nor a therapist! Nor ... (insert relevant medical professional here).
Happy New Year, gentle readers! It has just clicked over into 2007 in my time zone, so here’s the first posting of Puzzling Evidence for the new year! I hope everyone has a great time of it!
Gay!Sex!Beta’d. Insta-beta by mice1900; any errors are most definitely mine. ;-)
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is not mine; please don’t sue, we’ll both regret it in the morning.
Rodney dragged himself through the routine of his day trying to bring some sense of normalcy back to his life. Not that normal was truly possible, of course. No, Radek was gone and while he suspected both Radek and Marc would be out of the infirmary today, he didn’t expect Radek to come back to Rodney’s lab anytime soon, if ever. Radek could work almost anywhere in Atlantis, plenty of teams would give anything to have someone like him in their group.
Teams, Rodney thought, and his discomfort and agitation sank into depression. He’d thought he and John were a team, or part of a team, at any rate. He’d thought they were good friends, too. But John and Carson - well, it looked like John hadn’t trusted Rodney any more than Radek had when it came to sharing details of his personal life with Rodney.
He sat, staring into space. No, that’s the way it is, I guess, he thought. Not friends. Just co-workers. It was always like that, really. Back in Canada, when he was a kid. Back in the USA, when he worked with the SGC. Co-workers aplenty. Even some who had shared with him their gratitude at having the opportunity to work with the Rodney McKay, PhD.
Rodney snorted.
Lots of co-workers, but no friends. Same shit, different galaxy. Yeah, that was it. Nothing really changes, not in one universe. Maybe in Rod’s universe there was something better - the man certainly seemed at ease with himself, he seemed to have a carefree attitude that indicated he didn’t feel lonely very often. Hell, Rod probably had at least a half-dozen broken hearts in his first year on Atlantis alone.
Rodney snorted again. Not like me, he thought. Definitely not like me.
A sudden thought crossed his mind - Ronon? Both Teyla and Ronon treated him nicely, sometimes far better than he deserved. Rodney had even been surprised when Ronon was so - enthusiastic - about Rodney’s safe return from imminent death after the debacle with the ascension machine. Surely that was friendship? Not just something for co-workers, not just something for team mates?
John. Sigh. And Carson. They’d made their own little team together and Rodney hadn’t noticed, and he hadn’t been invited to know a thing about it, and he had never even had a chance with either of them.
oOo
Marc watched Radek, worried, as his lover tossed in his sleep. Radek was still so fragile, so broken. Everything that had happened to them the past few days, everything they had survived, had pushed the scientist into a strange headspace that left Marc not only worried, but frightened.
He closed his eyes for a moment, needing to think. Anything seemed to set Radek off, anything unexpected, anything out of the ordinary. Their time together in the isolation room had so many beautiful moments, but Marc suspected that leaving the confines of the infirmary would take enormous effort on Radek’s part, not to mention a huge amount of support from Marc.
Radek had fallen apart when Marc told him about Doctor Beckett. He changed from outrage to crestfallen to horror almost instantly, bursting into tears and sobbing into Marc’s chest. Marc wasn’t surprised - he hated distracting Radek from the emergency when Radek had caught him standing next to Weir and Sheppard, but when he couldn’t avoid telling his lover any longer, Radek fell apart, just as Marc had suspected he would.
Marc felt as though Radek had become stretched, taut - able to handle things that helped him feel secure, but less able to handle the unexpected. When the unexpected came, Radek went from being a finely-crafted, finely-tuned instrument to having his strings snap under the tension.
Marc was worried, very worried. He knew he loved Radek, knew he wanted to be there for him, but Radek had his own secrets, his own things that he kept from Marc, and Marc was beginning to suspect that those secrets were even now eating away at his lover’s soul. How can I help him, Marc wondered, when I don’t even know where to begin?
Marc would be there, yes - no way would he ever willingly leave Radek. He just hoped, for Radek’s sake, that it would be enough, because Marc really didn’t know what more he could do.
oOo
Carson opened his eyes. Ceiling. Ceiling above him. Bed. Bed beneath him. Sound - too much sound. He wasn’t in his quarters - where was he?
Infirmary. He must have fallen asleep in the infirmary. Wait - no. What was he doing on a bed? He often fell asleep in the infirmary slumped over his desk, slouched in his chair. What was he doing in bed?
Carson frowned. He wasn’t in the infirmary, though. Not before. No, he had left. He remembered leaving, checking charts one final time, signing off on meds and other orders before his shift ended. He remembered checking in on Marc and Radek -
Marc and Radek. Carson blinked. He felt sick, an intense sinking feeling dropping in his stomach, fast. God, what did he do? He left the infirmary, he went to his quarters. He wasn’t feeling very well that night? No, he wasn’t. Marc and Radek.
He was doing something, he did something. Something happened? He couldn’t remember. Why was he in the infirmary? Marc and Radek.
Good lord, Carson thought. What have I done?
Memories flicked through his mind - sad, no - depressed. Thinking. Worrying about reports, worrying about Marc and Radek. Marc and Radek. Carson felt sick; sick and - lonely? Yes. Carson was lonely.
Then, suddenly, a bright flash of memory cut through the haze of his unfocused, half-formed memories. He remembered the cord.
God, he thought. Oh god. What have I done?.
oOo
“Marc?” Radek asked. His voice was strained and he knew he sounded terrible, sounded as though he were about to cry.
Marc glanced over to him. “Yes?“
Radek stopped, stuck. He knew what he wanted to say, what he needed to ask, but he still felt frightened at the need, embarassed by his weakness.
Ne, he thought. Not weak. It was not weak to speak your mind, to ask for what you need, to tell - ne, it was not weak.
Marc looked at him, patient and waiting. He is always so patient, Radek thought. Not impulsive like Colonel Sheppard. Radek felt himself shiver slightly at the thought of the other soldier, Marc's superior officer. He would have to get that under control, if not for his own sake, then for Marc's. Marc did not need a hostile superior on duty, only to come home to a -
Home - that was the problem. Radek was sure Marc would be released today, even if the doctors wanted to keep him on IV antibiotics, there was no longer any reason to keep him in the infirmary full-time. Releasing Marc probably meant releasing Radek, and Radek wasn’t ready to go home, not to his quarters.
“Marc,” Radek tried again, felt stress rising again, but ne, he could control it.
“I - I do not know what to do,” he confessed, his breath heavy as he tried to keep from being overwhelmed with his fears.
“About what?” Marc prompted, gentle.
“I am -” Radek whispered. “Afraid.”
Marc nodded. “Okay.”
Radek slumped, his eyes fluttering shut. This should not be so difficult, he thought. He felt Marc’s hand on his shoulder, firm, heard him ask, “Can you tell me what you’re afraid of?”
“I - I cannot go back,” Radek whispered.
Radek opened his eyes to Marc’s looking into his, close, their foreheads almost touching like the traditional Athosian farewell.
“Back to your quarters?” Marc asked.
Radek nodded. “I think of that night. It is all I can think of někdy.”
“I know,” Marc said. “I think of it too.”
“I cannot return,” Radek said.
“I understand.”
“And -” his voice dropped to the slightest whisper. “I am afraid to be alone.”
Marc smiled and leaned in slightly to give him a kiss. “I won’t leave you alone. I’ve been thinking about this too. I think we should find new quarters.”
“I do not think I can return to - to pack,” Radek said.
“I know,” Marc said. “I understand. I can manage the packing, and I can get some help with the carrying.”
Radek knew he looked frightened again, felt stupid and weak inside all over again.
“But I don’t think you want to be alone while I do that,” Marc continued. “Would you be okay to wait with Doctor Weir or Doctor Heightmeyer while I take care of it?”
Radek shook as relief coursed through him. “ Děkuji.”
oOo
“I don’t think we’re going to have any choice, Elizabeth,” said Kate.
Elizabeth sighed, feeling drained, as though she had been pushed too long, too far, by small degrees. “I know. I’m just worried.”
“Worried that others will treat them differently, treat them badly? Or worried that you’ll set a precedent you’re not entirely prepared to deal with?” Kate asked.
“Both, I suppose,” said Elizabeth, considering her question.
“I believe this is a good solution” Kate said. “It will give Radek the support he needs right now without causing further drain on infirmary resources.”
Elizabeth looked at Kate, surprised. “Resources?”
Kate smiled, gentle. “I don’t mean anything bad by that, Elizabeth. It’s just that we’re not really set up to handle long-term post-traumatic stress disorder cases here, not the type that requires constant observation.”
“No,” Elizabeth sighed. “That’s true.”
“And you’ve said yourself that you want to find some way for Radek to function again, and you don’t believe that will happen without Marc,” Kate said. “You know that I concur with that assessment. Granting their request for new quarters will give Radek access to Marc, and keep Radek out of his former quarters. Again, I strongly recommend that at the least, Radek’s request be taken seriously - I have no doubt that he cannot face returning to that space after the trauma he experienced there.”
Elizabeth nodded, sighed again. “Yes, I know.”
“But?” Kate asked, her own face slightly worried.
“But - I keep having the same worries,” Elizabeth said, frustrated. “Like you said, I’m worried people might treat them differently. I’m worried everyone will suddenly decide they want to change quarters, and the difficulties that will pose both for logistics and for the personal and professional dynamics among our personnel.”
“Give them some credit, Elizabeth,” Kate said, her smile gentle. “They’re smart people. You know that. Helping one couple during an unusual crisis isn’t likely to open any floodgates.”
Elizabeth nodded, thinking. Kate was right, really. In all likelihood there were couples all over Atlantis - just because she wasn’t aware of them didn’t mean they didn’t exist. Didn’t Marc and Radek each confess to Doctor Beckett that they had been seeing each other, romantically, for months? Elizabeth worked with Radek from time to time - she had never heard a hint from him that he had someone to go home to when he was off-duty. She had never heard rumours. No, Kate was right. Other relationships were out there, and like Marc and Radek’s had been until John and Rodney’s unfortunate interference, those relationships were discreet. Very discreet, she thought.
Kate stood, readying herself to leave Elizabeth’s office. “I’ll be seeing Carson today. Can we meet again tomorrow to discuss my initial assessment?”
“Yes,” said Elizabeth. “Yes of course. First thing in the morning.”
oOo
John stretched, uncomfortable and beginning to ache in his lower back from being slouched in a chair for the better part of several hours. He was tired, tired from worry and lack of sleep; but no matter how gentle the suggestions from Carson’s staff, he wasn’t planning to leave his vigil anytime soon. Not until Carson woke up. Not until after Carson woke up.
He reached his hand automatically for Carson’s, to grasp his fingers with his own, stealing a touch for himself, giving Carson something human to connect with, something human to draw him back into life again. John sighed.
“Come on, Carson,” John whispered. “Any time you’re ready, buddy. I’ll be here.”
He felt Carson’s hand twitch, fast, hard, under his own. John looked up into Carson’s face and saw him, wide-eyed, his stare full of shock, his eyes awake and aware.
“Hey, Carson,” John managed to choke out. “Welcome back.”
End Part XIII