Amber/Alexis - It's Not About Geography or Happenstance (oneshot)
Title: It's Not About Geography or Happenstance
Character/Pairings: Amber Tamblyn/Alexis Bledel (With David Cross, America Ferrera and Blake Lively)
Summary: Because there is no point in stressing over something that doesn’t even mean anything.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4,000
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, even the title is not mine, but from Rachael Yamagata's Sunday Afternoon
Other: Written as a present for fly_meaway.
There are two things Alexis is absolutely certain about: she is Amber’s favorite person in the whole entire world, and she will never be clear on why that is or what exactly being Amber’s favorite person entails. Because maybe Amber leaned in to kiss Alexis goodbye after she had dinner with Amber and David. And maybe Amber was aiming for her cheek, but was a little tipsy and missed and ended up pressing her lips to the corner of Alexis’s mouth. And maybe afterward Amber just smiled and pulled her in for the kind of hug Alexis hasn’t gotten from anyone since Milo.
And now Alexis isn’t sure if any of that actually happened or if it was all some sort of crazy dream--which would be okay, because dreams aren’t real, and they don’t necessarily mean anything--but it felt real. Pulling the covers up to her chin, Alexis stares at the ceiling, trying to figure out everything. And it all keeps coming back to the fact that Amber was a little tipsy and that Alexis is her favorite person, so if it happened, it probably doesn’t really mean anything (to Amber). Alexis touches her lips softly with her fingertips, rolling over in bed, trying to make her mind shut down so she can sleep.
Because there is no point in stressing over something that doesn’t even mean anything.
---
David’s gone for a few days and Amber is sitting alone in the apartment, scribbling down words on a notepad, crossing them out, ripping off the sheet, crumpling it up, throwing it into the trash, and repeating. It’s a process she’s used to, it’s how she writes. But rarely does she come up with anything even remotely good when it isn’t flowing out of her at all, when for the last hour she’s been listening to the sound of the heat blaze up every twenty minutes to warm the apartment
Thinking about how it’s early December, Amber lets her eyes drift around the room, it’s nice, but they haven’t put up any decorations yet. Because they’ve just been extremely busy living their lives. So maybe she could do that today instead of writing poetry or reading through a script her agent sent her.
Amber pulls out her phone and calls Alexis, because decorating for Christmas by herself is not something that Amber would call fun. She hears Alexis answer quietly and smiles a little to herself. She’s pretty sure Alexis has done more with her day already than Amber would have accomplished by the time she falls asleep.
“Hey,” Amber says, tossing the pad of paper and pen onto the coffee table, watching the pen roll off, bouncing slightly on the carpet. “What’s up?”
“Picking up some Starbucks, I’ve done a lot of Christmas shopping.”
“God, I’m jealous. I haven’t even started.” Amber stands up reluctantly, collecting the pen and pad and putting them neatly in a draw in the end table. She knows Alexis won’t come over if she’s in the middle of Christmas shopping, because she gets very intense and serious about it; she has a zone that is very delicate and is easily broken, leaving her a little cranky if it is, and Amber is not going to have a sourpuss help her decorate.
“You probably won’t go out until the twenty-third,” Alexis says, and Amber can hear her voice become muffled as she orders a drink.
“Yeah, I know. So…you want to come over and help me decorate the apartment?”
“Um,” Alexis hesitates for a moment and Amber frowns. “I guess so, if you promise not to slip any alcohol into the eggnog.”
“You didn’t even get drunk!” Amber protests. It’s not her fault if the last time Alexis helped her decorate she brought over eggnog and Amber decided to pour some vodka into it. It needed an extra punch, and besides, Alexis noticed right away and let Amber keep the whole carton.
“If you insist on doing that you’re going to pay for the eggnog.”
“Why do we need it again?” Amber asks, biting her pinky nail as she tries to remember where David stored the tree.
“Because eggnog tastes like Christmas,” Alexis says in this tone of voice that means she’s a little exasperated, but loving every minute of it.
“Right. So you’ll be here soon?” Amber walks into the laundry room, opens up the storage cabinet and smiles brightly when she spots the box with the picture of a perfectly green, leafy, fake tree on the front.
“Forty-five minutes.”
“Awesome, hurry your cute butt up.”
“Oh, okay,” Alexis’s voice drops to a whisper.
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.” Amber tries to sound like it wouldn’t be unbelievably disappointing if Alexis backed out now.
“No, no. I want to,” Alexis says quickly. Amber can hear a car honk and Alexis yelling for a taxi through the phone.
---
“Doesn’t that look nice?” Amber smiles and looks at Alexis happily as she rubs her palms against her jeans.
“Yeah, but I’m already exhausted.” Alexis cannot believe it took them the better part of an hour to put up that stupid tree. It probably didn’t help that Amber kept telling jokes and getting distracted, and that Alexis kept trying to see if Amber was acting any differently than she normally does.
She still can’t tell anyway.
“Where’s your Christmas spirit?” Amber asks, slinging her arm over Alexis’s shoulder, bumping their heads together.
“Um,” Alexis takes a deep breath, “I think I’ve used my spirit quota up for the day.”
“Impossible.” Amber shakes her head, heading over to the refrigerator. “Have some of your magic eggnog and get ready to decorate this tree with more lights and ornaments than it can hold.”
“Fine,” Alexis sighs, a small smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. She walks over to where Amber’s pouring the eggnog to make sure the vodka she just pulled out is only going in one of the glasses.
“Hey, Blake invited you to that holiday wrap party thing, right?” Amber asks, putting the vodka away and handing Alexis her eggnog.
“Yeah.” Alexis sips it slowly, swirling it around her tongue for a moment until she’s convinced there’s only eggnog in her glass.
“Want to go together?” Amber asks nonchalantly.
Alexis almost chokes on her drink. Her eyes start to water and she coughs a little.
“Um, yeah. Sure.”
“Great, David was worried he wouldn’t know anybody there. I mean, America can’t come and Blake intimidates him with all that hair.”
“Right,” Alexis whispers, running her finger around the rim of her glass, she’d almost forgotten about him.
When they finish their glasses of eggnog Amber pulls out an old cardboard box that’s practically falling apart, bursting with Christmas lights. Alexis soon discovers that half of them don’t even work.
“Shouldn’t you get rid of the broken ones?” she asks, unplugging a string of them where all the bulbs, except for two, are burnt out.
“Just because they’re broken doesn’t mean they should be rejected,” Amber says, walking in circles around the tree as she places a string of lights onto it, her voice getting a little louder and softer depending on her position.
“But they’re useless,” Alexis argues, taking out another string of lights to test before Amber simply winds them around the tree like the first set she took out--they wouldn’t light up, and it was much more work having to take them off the tree and put them away than it would have been if they’d just checked them first. Amber argued it wasn’t as spontaneous and exciting Alexis’s way. Alexis argued she’d quit helping if they did it Amber’s way.
“Are not.” Amber comes over, pulling Alexis to her feet, taking out the string of broken lights.
“You are not going to put those on the tree.” Alexis rolls her eye, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Of course not. You’d pretend you were upset with me, but you’d really just think it’s endearing”
And then Amber’s wrapping Alexis in Christmas lights, and Alexis is too busy thinking about how she really doesn’t find Amber all that endearing to do anything but laugh and hold her arms out. She thinks maybe Amber did spike the eggnog, but she might actually be okay with that. Because Amber’s biting her lip in concentration, wrapping the lights around Alexis’s waist, making sure the strands are equal distances apart.
And now Alexis is thinking about breathing at a normal rhythm.
Amber smiles brightly when she finishes. “Ta da! You look much more joyous now.”
“Thank you,” Alexis says. She stumbles a little when she tries to take the lights off, and Amber catches her, holding onto her elbow lightly, like maybe Alexis is delicate, broken. This time she whispers when she says thanks.
---
Amber twirls some noodles around her fork, staring across the table at America, who’s telling a joke that Amber’s pretty sure she told America a year ago. But Amber’s chuckling anyway because it’s still hilarious. She chews her noodles slowly, letting her gaze drift out the window. As people walk by their breath comes out white, misty. Its cold, but the restaurant is like a sauna and Amber shifts in her seat.
“Earth to Amber,” America laughs, waving her fork around in circles. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Nothing, you should know that by now.” Amber makes a face and runs a hand through her hair, resting her elbow on the table, her chin cradled in her palm. “What should I get Alexis for Christmas?”
“I don’t know, did you ask her what she wants?”
“Wow, I hadn’t thought of that,” Amber says sarcastically, rolling her eyes and smiling widely. Sitting up straight, she crosses her legs under the table and takes a sip of water. “I want to get her something special, you know? It’s not like she needs a state of the art wafflemaker.”
“No, but I would like the wafflemaker,” America jokes, pushing her plate away. “I don’t know. Alexis isn’t really the type to make a list that she mass emails to everyone, kind of like someone else I know.”
“Hey, the first thing listed was a charitable donation!” Amber protests, but laughter erupts from her throat. “And besides, I only sent that list to a select group of people who understand my sense of humor. I’m crossing you off of it, by the way.”
“Really though, you’d know better than I would, you guys talk all the time.”
Amber knows that America has a point. But everything she thinks about getting Alexis doesn’t seem good enough, or it’s too cheesy and makes Amber gag just thinking about it. Shopping for Alexis is harder than shopping for her dad.
“Why do you want it to be special this year?” America asks, tilting her head to the side, her hair falling over her shoulder. She studies Amber for a moment, making Amber shift in her seat again, feeling uncomfortable for a reason other than the heat. “I don’t think it’s suddenly time for sentimental gifts,” America says
“I don’t know,” Amber replies truthfully. “I just want…I just feel like giving her something special.”
“Just so you know, if I end up getting that wafflemaker now, I’m going to think you love Alexis more than me.”
Amber grins widely, slipping her arms into the sleeves of her coat. “Such a drama queen.”
---
The music is pumping loudly, making Alexis feel a little dizzy. She’s also pretty sure she’s going to be half-deaf in the morning. But everyone seems to be having a great time. David and Amber are sitting down, whispering in each other’s ears. Amber is smiling and keeps looking over at Alexis, contorting her face occasionally to make Alexis laugh.
Walking over to the bar, Alexis orders some wine, and while it isn’t the hippest drink around, it’s probably better than ordering something like champagne. And Blake’s drinking something that’s really pink and would probably put Alexis into a sugar coma, so wine is good.
The music changes suddenly and the beat of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” is blasting through the speakers. And then Amber is next to Alexis, grabbing her hand and pulling her onto the dance floor.
“What are you doing?” Alexis shouts, feeling her eyes bulging a little.
“Dancing!”
“Right.” Alexis isn’t sure if Amber’s tipsy or drunk, or if her pupils are so wide because it’s kind of dark in here. But it makes Alexis’s throat go dry all of the sudden and some of her wine is splashing out of her cup.
Amber makes Alexis twirl her a few times, laughing so loudly it’s about all Alexis can hear anymore; it’s deep and throaty and toxic. Alexis wonders what it’d be like to really kiss Amber, and she contemplates doing it for about half a second before realizing her boyfriend is sitting a few feet away, and that she’s just Amber’s favorite person, not Amber’s favorite person to kiss. Alexis can feel her cheeks burning and is very thankful that the lighting in this place is so awful; no one can see how red she is right now (and even if they could, they’d chalk it up to dancing).
The song ends and someone’s pulling on her arm, turning, she sees Blake grinning at her, trying to tug her off the dance floor. They all get to where David is sitting, holding his coat. They take a seat and Alexis realizes how wobbly her legs feel and how sore her feet are.
“Now, Ambs, say goodbye to your boyfriend,” Blake tells her, clawing Alexis’s half-empty wine glass out of her hand and taking a sip.
“You’re leaving?” Amber pouts, leaning her head on Alexis’s shoulder.
“I’ve got an early day tomorrow,” he says, standing up and slipping his coat on. “I’ll see you at home.” He bends down, placing a gentle kiss on Amber’s lips.
“Don’t wait up.” Amber tugs Alexis’s arm around her shoulders and whispers something nonsensical into Alexis’s ear.
“Huh?” Alexis asks, knitting her eyebrows together.
“You’ll make sure she gets home in one piece?” David asks, touching Alexis’s shoulder lightly. He looks at Amber, amused, a wide grin spreading over his face.
“I’ll make sure Alexis makes sure!” Blake says, tapping David on the arm before finishing off Alexis’s drink. “I have to make sure I get Leighton home too, so we can be sort of sober together,” she says. Alexis nods in response, unable to keep a smile off her face.
“Bye guys.” David waves slightly before making his way through the crowd and out the door.
Amber lifts her head off Alexis’s shoulder and stands up, holding her hands out. “Let’s dance.”
Dancing with Amber and Blake is different than dancing with just Amber. Alexis feels more normal this way, less like she wants to kiss Amber and more like she’s hanging out with two of her best friends, like she did on the Sisterhood sets. Blake keeps clapping her hands together excitedly when a new song comes on, throwing her arms around Amber and Alexis’s shoulders, forcing them to sway in unison. Amber keeps twirling in circles, inviting people she’s only met once or twice to join them.
When Amber announces that she’s ready to leave, she twines her fingers through Alexis’s and Alexis feels her entire body jolt--probably because someone bumped into her. Probably.
“Already?” Blake asks sadly, “but it’s only…” she pauses, turning around to find a clock. “…two in the morning. Oh.”
“Thanks for inviting us,” Alexis says, hugging Blake tightly.
“No problem, it was fun. Bye guys.”
“Bye,” Amber says, stepping forward, but instead of hugging Blake she kisses her dead on the mouth. Alexis’s heart sinks to her toes.
“Bye Ambs,” Blake says, giving her a small hug, laughing under her breath.
“Call me tomorrow.” And with that Amber tugs on Alexis’s arm, leading her expertly through the crowd, not stumbling over her feet once.
When they get outside the chilly air feels good against Alexis’s cheeks and she shivers a little, closing her heavy eyelids and taking a deep breath. The air seems cleaner out here somehow. Amber lets go of Alexis’s hand and hook their arms together instead, walking down the street for a few minutes instead of getting a cab.
“Did you have fun?” Amber asks suddenly, breaking the quiet.
“Yeah.” Alexis bites her lip, nodding her head in affirmation. She doesn’t mention the kiss, even though it’s replaying in her head like some silent movie. There’s no noise attached to the images, and it’s going in slow motion; the kiss seems longer each time she pictures it.
“Oh my god!” Amber tilts her head back, sticking out her tongue.
Looking up, Alexis sees snow drifting down over the city lazily, each flake white and puffy. Its real snow, not hail or some snow/rain combination, it’s pure and cold and beautiful.
“You should make a wish,” Amber says, looking at Alexis with misty eyes and red cheeks, a happiness glowing within her that only people like Amber have, that only Amber has.
“Why?”
“Just because.”
Alexis shuts her eyes. When she opens them Amber just grins at her, walking to the curb of the street and calling out to the taxi she sees coming.
Alexis’s wish doesn’t come true.
---
They’re sitting on the floor of her apartment on Christmas Eve in front of the tree they decorated together, eating burnt cutout cookies, drinking eggnog (sans alcohol) and listening to classic Christmas songs on the radio, occasionally opening presents. The apartment is cozy and warm and there’s frost on the windowsill. It’s like magic.
“Why didn’t you go with David to visit his family?” Alexis asks, chewing on the tip of a star-shaped cookie.
“Just didn’t feel like it,” Amber says, shrugging her shoulders. “Besides, I wouldn’t be able to spend Christmas Eve with my best friend if I had.”
“Good point.” Alexis smiles softly, looking down at the floor, running her fingers over the carpet.
Amber rolls her neck, feeling it crack. Her stomach is churning with nervous excitement. She really wants Alexis to like her gift, and part of her is trying to put off having Alexis open it just yet. Because once she does the evening is over, and she doesn’t want it to ever end.
“Do you miss him?” Amber asks, taking a sip of her eggnog and stretching out her legs. She knows Alexis does, but she doesn’t know if Alexis is going to admit it.
“Who?”
“Milo.” Amber bites her lip after she says his name, watching Alexis’s face as she’s caught off guard, before she has a chance to look neutral about the whole thing. Alexis thought they’d live happily ever after. She spent the week after it ended acting like nothing was wrong, holding everything in. Amber wishes she wouldn’t have. Amber sees how he broke her, how she’s still trying to get over it sometimes.
“No,” Alexis whispers. She glances at the tree for a second, looking up at it, a few of the bulbs that were working a few weeks ago have burnt out. “Sometimes. But only in the way anyone would miss someone they dated for a long time.”
“Good.” Amber smiles softly, placing her mug on the coffee table and reaching under the tree for Alexis’s present, handing it to her. “Merry Christmas.”
“Thanks.” Alexis turns the present around in her hands a few times, running her nail over the edges. Slowly, she finds where Amber has taped the wrapping paper together and unseals it. When she takes the picture frame out Amber sees her glance up with a small, confused smile.
Carefully, Alexis reads the poem, tears welling up in her eyes. When she finishes she looks over at Amber, crawling across the floor on her knees and wrapping her arms around Amber’s neck, embracing her tightly. “Thank you,” Alexis whispers.
Amber topples over, hugging Alexis back tightly. “You’re welcome.”
“I love you, too.”
“I thought so.” Amber grins, a flood of relief and pride filling her stomach.
Alexis sits up and looks at the framed poem again. “I can’t believe you wrote me a poem.”
“Believe it,” Amber says, still lying on the carpet, reaching out to brush her fingers against Alexis’s wrist. Alexis looks at her and smiles, her eyes shining more blue than ever.
---
Alexis has no idea why she let Amber convince her to go to this New Years Eve Party. Alexis knows absolutely no one here and wants to crawl into the corner and fold over onto herself. Amber’s been mingling with people for the last half hour, so she clearly didn’t need a friend to come to this with her.
“Hey,” Amber says, walking over. “I’m sorry you’re not having any fun.”
“It’s okay.” Alexis thinks it’s not really, but there’s no use in complaining about it now.
Amber looks at her carefully for a moment and Alexis shifts her weight from foot to foot. “You lie,” Amber decides. “But thank you anyway.”
“You owe me.”
“Noted. You want something to drink?”
“No.” Alexis shakes her head. She’s had enough tipsy Amber to last her a lifetime. There’s no way she wants to see Amber kissing some other girl just because she feels like it.
“You want to leave?” Amber asks, pulling the strap of her dress up. She waves at someone across the room before looking at Alexis. “We can if you want.”
“No, it’s fine.” Alexis takes a deep breath, rubbing her arms like she’s cold even though she isn’t; she just doesn’t have anything else to do with herself. They’re quiet for a really long time and Alexis doesn’t know why that feels so weird to her right now.
“Did it bother you?” Amber asks suddenly.
Alexis looks at her, confused. “What?”
“When I kissed Blake,” Amber says simply, something like mischief and amusement sparkling in her eyes.
“What?” Alexis sputters, “No, um, no. Why would it?”
Laughing softly, Amber runs her fingers down Alexis’s arm. Alexis feels goosebumps appearing, and her throat is constricting in a way that isn’t entirely pleasant. “I don’t know, you tell me.”
Alexis blinks a few times, wondering if she’s that transparent or if Amber just knows her better than anyone else. She’s never lied to Amber’s face before, and she’s not sure she could do it now even if she tried. Feeling her face drain of color, Alexis takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm down, but she can’t.
“It’s okay.” Amber’s so close that Alexis can feel Amber’s breath on her cheek. “I won’t hurt you.”
Someone shouts that there’s a minute until midnight and when Amber looks at the clock, Alexis looks at her. Her face is calm and her hair is curled really nicely, framing her face and sitting softly on her shoulders. There’s an innate confidence in her that Alexis wishes she could possess.
“What about David?” Alexis asks quietly.
Amber looks at her again, her eyes burning bright. “We’re on a break.” She shrugs, smiling a little. “It’s not really working anymore.”
“Oh.”
People are counting down from ten now and Amber joins them: “six, five, four, three, two-”
Alexis takes a deep breath and kisses her, soft and slow and in a way that she knows is real. Amber seems surprised at first, but then Alexis can feel Amber smile against her mouth.
“I thought you’d never get there,” Amber says when they part, tugging on a strand of Alexis’s hair softly.
And in this moment there are two things Alexis is absolutely certain about: she is Amber favorite person in the whole entire world, and she will never be clear on why that is, but it involves getting to kiss Amber.
So while everyone is throwing confetti and cheering about the New Year, Alexis pulls Amber closer and kisses her again.
And Alexis’s wish comes true.
---
Character/Pairings: Amber Tamblyn/Alexis Bledel (With David Cross, America Ferrera and Blake Lively)
Summary: Because there is no point in stressing over something that doesn’t even mean anything.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4,000
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, even the title is not mine, but from Rachael Yamagata's Sunday Afternoon
Other: Written as a present for fly_meaway.
There are two things Alexis is absolutely certain about: she is Amber’s favorite person in the whole entire world, and she will never be clear on why that is or what exactly being Amber’s favorite person entails. Because maybe Amber leaned in to kiss Alexis goodbye after she had dinner with Amber and David. And maybe Amber was aiming for her cheek, but was a little tipsy and missed and ended up pressing her lips to the corner of Alexis’s mouth. And maybe afterward Amber just smiled and pulled her in for the kind of hug Alexis hasn’t gotten from anyone since Milo.
And now Alexis isn’t sure if any of that actually happened or if it was all some sort of crazy dream--which would be okay, because dreams aren’t real, and they don’t necessarily mean anything--but it felt real. Pulling the covers up to her chin, Alexis stares at the ceiling, trying to figure out everything. And it all keeps coming back to the fact that Amber was a little tipsy and that Alexis is her favorite person, so if it happened, it probably doesn’t really mean anything (to Amber). Alexis touches her lips softly with her fingertips, rolling over in bed, trying to make her mind shut down so she can sleep.
Because there is no point in stressing over something that doesn’t even mean anything.
---
David’s gone for a few days and Amber is sitting alone in the apartment, scribbling down words on a notepad, crossing them out, ripping off the sheet, crumpling it up, throwing it into the trash, and repeating. It’s a process she’s used to, it’s how she writes. But rarely does she come up with anything even remotely good when it isn’t flowing out of her at all, when for the last hour she’s been listening to the sound of the heat blaze up every twenty minutes to warm the apartment
Thinking about how it’s early December, Amber lets her eyes drift around the room, it’s nice, but they haven’t put up any decorations yet. Because they’ve just been extremely busy living their lives. So maybe she could do that today instead of writing poetry or reading through a script her agent sent her.
Amber pulls out her phone and calls Alexis, because decorating for Christmas by herself is not something that Amber would call fun. She hears Alexis answer quietly and smiles a little to herself. She’s pretty sure Alexis has done more with her day already than Amber would have accomplished by the time she falls asleep.
“Hey,” Amber says, tossing the pad of paper and pen onto the coffee table, watching the pen roll off, bouncing slightly on the carpet. “What’s up?”
“Picking up some Starbucks, I’ve done a lot of Christmas shopping.”
“God, I’m jealous. I haven’t even started.” Amber stands up reluctantly, collecting the pen and pad and putting them neatly in a draw in the end table. She knows Alexis won’t come over if she’s in the middle of Christmas shopping, because she gets very intense and serious about it; she has a zone that is very delicate and is easily broken, leaving her a little cranky if it is, and Amber is not going to have a sourpuss help her decorate.
“You probably won’t go out until the twenty-third,” Alexis says, and Amber can hear her voice become muffled as she orders a drink.
“Yeah, I know. So…you want to come over and help me decorate the apartment?”
“Um,” Alexis hesitates for a moment and Amber frowns. “I guess so, if you promise not to slip any alcohol into the eggnog.”
“You didn’t even get drunk!” Amber protests. It’s not her fault if the last time Alexis helped her decorate she brought over eggnog and Amber decided to pour some vodka into it. It needed an extra punch, and besides, Alexis noticed right away and let Amber keep the whole carton.
“If you insist on doing that you’re going to pay for the eggnog.”
“Why do we need it again?” Amber asks, biting her pinky nail as she tries to remember where David stored the tree.
“Because eggnog tastes like Christmas,” Alexis says in this tone of voice that means she’s a little exasperated, but loving every minute of it.
“Right. So you’ll be here soon?” Amber walks into the laundry room, opens up the storage cabinet and smiles brightly when she spots the box with the picture of a perfectly green, leafy, fake tree on the front.
“Forty-five minutes.”
“Awesome, hurry your cute butt up.”
“Oh, okay,” Alexis’s voice drops to a whisper.
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.” Amber tries to sound like it wouldn’t be unbelievably disappointing if Alexis backed out now.
“No, no. I want to,” Alexis says quickly. Amber can hear a car honk and Alexis yelling for a taxi through the phone.
---
“Doesn’t that look nice?” Amber smiles and looks at Alexis happily as she rubs her palms against her jeans.
“Yeah, but I’m already exhausted.” Alexis cannot believe it took them the better part of an hour to put up that stupid tree. It probably didn’t help that Amber kept telling jokes and getting distracted, and that Alexis kept trying to see if Amber was acting any differently than she normally does.
She still can’t tell anyway.
“Where’s your Christmas spirit?” Amber asks, slinging her arm over Alexis’s shoulder, bumping their heads together.
“Um,” Alexis takes a deep breath, “I think I’ve used my spirit quota up for the day.”
“Impossible.” Amber shakes her head, heading over to the refrigerator. “Have some of your magic eggnog and get ready to decorate this tree with more lights and ornaments than it can hold.”
“Fine,” Alexis sighs, a small smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. She walks over to where Amber’s pouring the eggnog to make sure the vodka she just pulled out is only going in one of the glasses.
“Hey, Blake invited you to that holiday wrap party thing, right?” Amber asks, putting the vodka away and handing Alexis her eggnog.
“Yeah.” Alexis sips it slowly, swirling it around her tongue for a moment until she’s convinced there’s only eggnog in her glass.
“Want to go together?” Amber asks nonchalantly.
Alexis almost chokes on her drink. Her eyes start to water and she coughs a little.
“Um, yeah. Sure.”
“Great, David was worried he wouldn’t know anybody there. I mean, America can’t come and Blake intimidates him with all that hair.”
“Right,” Alexis whispers, running her finger around the rim of her glass, she’d almost forgotten about him.
When they finish their glasses of eggnog Amber pulls out an old cardboard box that’s practically falling apart, bursting with Christmas lights. Alexis soon discovers that half of them don’t even work.
“Shouldn’t you get rid of the broken ones?” she asks, unplugging a string of them where all the bulbs, except for two, are burnt out.
“Just because they’re broken doesn’t mean they should be rejected,” Amber says, walking in circles around the tree as she places a string of lights onto it, her voice getting a little louder and softer depending on her position.
“But they’re useless,” Alexis argues, taking out another string of lights to test before Amber simply winds them around the tree like the first set she took out--they wouldn’t light up, and it was much more work having to take them off the tree and put them away than it would have been if they’d just checked them first. Amber argued it wasn’t as spontaneous and exciting Alexis’s way. Alexis argued she’d quit helping if they did it Amber’s way.
“Are not.” Amber comes over, pulling Alexis to her feet, taking out the string of broken lights.
“You are not going to put those on the tree.” Alexis rolls her eye, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Of course not. You’d pretend you were upset with me, but you’d really just think it’s endearing”
And then Amber’s wrapping Alexis in Christmas lights, and Alexis is too busy thinking about how she really doesn’t find Amber all that endearing to do anything but laugh and hold her arms out. She thinks maybe Amber did spike the eggnog, but she might actually be okay with that. Because Amber’s biting her lip in concentration, wrapping the lights around Alexis’s waist, making sure the strands are equal distances apart.
And now Alexis is thinking about breathing at a normal rhythm.
Amber smiles brightly when she finishes. “Ta da! You look much more joyous now.”
“Thank you,” Alexis says. She stumbles a little when she tries to take the lights off, and Amber catches her, holding onto her elbow lightly, like maybe Alexis is delicate, broken. This time she whispers when she says thanks.
---
Amber twirls some noodles around her fork, staring across the table at America, who’s telling a joke that Amber’s pretty sure she told America a year ago. But Amber’s chuckling anyway because it’s still hilarious. She chews her noodles slowly, letting her gaze drift out the window. As people walk by their breath comes out white, misty. Its cold, but the restaurant is like a sauna and Amber shifts in her seat.
“Earth to Amber,” America laughs, waving her fork around in circles. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Nothing, you should know that by now.” Amber makes a face and runs a hand through her hair, resting her elbow on the table, her chin cradled in her palm. “What should I get Alexis for Christmas?”
“I don’t know, did you ask her what she wants?”
“Wow, I hadn’t thought of that,” Amber says sarcastically, rolling her eyes and smiling widely. Sitting up straight, she crosses her legs under the table and takes a sip of water. “I want to get her something special, you know? It’s not like she needs a state of the art wafflemaker.”
“No, but I would like the wafflemaker,” America jokes, pushing her plate away. “I don’t know. Alexis isn’t really the type to make a list that she mass emails to everyone, kind of like someone else I know.”
“Hey, the first thing listed was a charitable donation!” Amber protests, but laughter erupts from her throat. “And besides, I only sent that list to a select group of people who understand my sense of humor. I’m crossing you off of it, by the way.”
“Really though, you’d know better than I would, you guys talk all the time.”
Amber knows that America has a point. But everything she thinks about getting Alexis doesn’t seem good enough, or it’s too cheesy and makes Amber gag just thinking about it. Shopping for Alexis is harder than shopping for her dad.
“Why do you want it to be special this year?” America asks, tilting her head to the side, her hair falling over her shoulder. She studies Amber for a moment, making Amber shift in her seat again, feeling uncomfortable for a reason other than the heat. “I don’t think it’s suddenly time for sentimental gifts,” America says
“I don’t know,” Amber replies truthfully. “I just want…I just feel like giving her something special.”
“Just so you know, if I end up getting that wafflemaker now, I’m going to think you love Alexis more than me.”
Amber grins widely, slipping her arms into the sleeves of her coat. “Such a drama queen.”
---
The music is pumping loudly, making Alexis feel a little dizzy. She’s also pretty sure she’s going to be half-deaf in the morning. But everyone seems to be having a great time. David and Amber are sitting down, whispering in each other’s ears. Amber is smiling and keeps looking over at Alexis, contorting her face occasionally to make Alexis laugh.
Walking over to the bar, Alexis orders some wine, and while it isn’t the hippest drink around, it’s probably better than ordering something like champagne. And Blake’s drinking something that’s really pink and would probably put Alexis into a sugar coma, so wine is good.
The music changes suddenly and the beat of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” is blasting through the speakers. And then Amber is next to Alexis, grabbing her hand and pulling her onto the dance floor.
“What are you doing?” Alexis shouts, feeling her eyes bulging a little.
“Dancing!”
“Right.” Alexis isn’t sure if Amber’s tipsy or drunk, or if her pupils are so wide because it’s kind of dark in here. But it makes Alexis’s throat go dry all of the sudden and some of her wine is splashing out of her cup.
Amber makes Alexis twirl her a few times, laughing so loudly it’s about all Alexis can hear anymore; it’s deep and throaty and toxic. Alexis wonders what it’d be like to really kiss Amber, and she contemplates doing it for about half a second before realizing her boyfriend is sitting a few feet away, and that she’s just Amber’s favorite person, not Amber’s favorite person to kiss. Alexis can feel her cheeks burning and is very thankful that the lighting in this place is so awful; no one can see how red she is right now (and even if they could, they’d chalk it up to dancing).
The song ends and someone’s pulling on her arm, turning, she sees Blake grinning at her, trying to tug her off the dance floor. They all get to where David is sitting, holding his coat. They take a seat and Alexis realizes how wobbly her legs feel and how sore her feet are.
“Now, Ambs, say goodbye to your boyfriend,” Blake tells her, clawing Alexis’s half-empty wine glass out of her hand and taking a sip.
“You’re leaving?” Amber pouts, leaning her head on Alexis’s shoulder.
“I’ve got an early day tomorrow,” he says, standing up and slipping his coat on. “I’ll see you at home.” He bends down, placing a gentle kiss on Amber’s lips.
“Don’t wait up.” Amber tugs Alexis’s arm around her shoulders and whispers something nonsensical into Alexis’s ear.
“Huh?” Alexis asks, knitting her eyebrows together.
“You’ll make sure she gets home in one piece?” David asks, touching Alexis’s shoulder lightly. He looks at Amber, amused, a wide grin spreading over his face.
“I’ll make sure Alexis makes sure!” Blake says, tapping David on the arm before finishing off Alexis’s drink. “I have to make sure I get Leighton home too, so we can be sort of sober together,” she says. Alexis nods in response, unable to keep a smile off her face.
“Bye guys.” David waves slightly before making his way through the crowd and out the door.
Amber lifts her head off Alexis’s shoulder and stands up, holding her hands out. “Let’s dance.”
Dancing with Amber and Blake is different than dancing with just Amber. Alexis feels more normal this way, less like she wants to kiss Amber and more like she’s hanging out with two of her best friends, like she did on the Sisterhood sets. Blake keeps clapping her hands together excitedly when a new song comes on, throwing her arms around Amber and Alexis’s shoulders, forcing them to sway in unison. Amber keeps twirling in circles, inviting people she’s only met once or twice to join them.
When Amber announces that she’s ready to leave, she twines her fingers through Alexis’s and Alexis feels her entire body jolt--probably because someone bumped into her. Probably.
“Already?” Blake asks sadly, “but it’s only…” she pauses, turning around to find a clock. “…two in the morning. Oh.”
“Thanks for inviting us,” Alexis says, hugging Blake tightly.
“No problem, it was fun. Bye guys.”
“Bye,” Amber says, stepping forward, but instead of hugging Blake she kisses her dead on the mouth. Alexis’s heart sinks to her toes.
“Bye Ambs,” Blake says, giving her a small hug, laughing under her breath.
“Call me tomorrow.” And with that Amber tugs on Alexis’s arm, leading her expertly through the crowd, not stumbling over her feet once.
When they get outside the chilly air feels good against Alexis’s cheeks and she shivers a little, closing her heavy eyelids and taking a deep breath. The air seems cleaner out here somehow. Amber lets go of Alexis’s hand and hook their arms together instead, walking down the street for a few minutes instead of getting a cab.
“Did you have fun?” Amber asks suddenly, breaking the quiet.
“Yeah.” Alexis bites her lip, nodding her head in affirmation. She doesn’t mention the kiss, even though it’s replaying in her head like some silent movie. There’s no noise attached to the images, and it’s going in slow motion; the kiss seems longer each time she pictures it.
“Oh my god!” Amber tilts her head back, sticking out her tongue.
Looking up, Alexis sees snow drifting down over the city lazily, each flake white and puffy. Its real snow, not hail or some snow/rain combination, it’s pure and cold and beautiful.
“You should make a wish,” Amber says, looking at Alexis with misty eyes and red cheeks, a happiness glowing within her that only people like Amber have, that only Amber has.
“Why?”
“Just because.”
Alexis shuts her eyes. When she opens them Amber just grins at her, walking to the curb of the street and calling out to the taxi she sees coming.
Alexis’s wish doesn’t come true.
---
They’re sitting on the floor of her apartment on Christmas Eve in front of the tree they decorated together, eating burnt cutout cookies, drinking eggnog (sans alcohol) and listening to classic Christmas songs on the radio, occasionally opening presents. The apartment is cozy and warm and there’s frost on the windowsill. It’s like magic.
“Why didn’t you go with David to visit his family?” Alexis asks, chewing on the tip of a star-shaped cookie.
“Just didn’t feel like it,” Amber says, shrugging her shoulders. “Besides, I wouldn’t be able to spend Christmas Eve with my best friend if I had.”
“Good point.” Alexis smiles softly, looking down at the floor, running her fingers over the carpet.
Amber rolls her neck, feeling it crack. Her stomach is churning with nervous excitement. She really wants Alexis to like her gift, and part of her is trying to put off having Alexis open it just yet. Because once she does the evening is over, and she doesn’t want it to ever end.
“Do you miss him?” Amber asks, taking a sip of her eggnog and stretching out her legs. She knows Alexis does, but she doesn’t know if Alexis is going to admit it.
“Who?”
“Milo.” Amber bites her lip after she says his name, watching Alexis’s face as she’s caught off guard, before she has a chance to look neutral about the whole thing. Alexis thought they’d live happily ever after. She spent the week after it ended acting like nothing was wrong, holding everything in. Amber wishes she wouldn’t have. Amber sees how he broke her, how she’s still trying to get over it sometimes.
“No,” Alexis whispers. She glances at the tree for a second, looking up at it, a few of the bulbs that were working a few weeks ago have burnt out. “Sometimes. But only in the way anyone would miss someone they dated for a long time.”
“Good.” Amber smiles softly, placing her mug on the coffee table and reaching under the tree for Alexis’s present, handing it to her. “Merry Christmas.”
“Thanks.” Alexis turns the present around in her hands a few times, running her nail over the edges. Slowly, she finds where Amber has taped the wrapping paper together and unseals it. When she takes the picture frame out Amber sees her glance up with a small, confused smile.
Carefully, Alexis reads the poem, tears welling up in her eyes. When she finishes she looks over at Amber, crawling across the floor on her knees and wrapping her arms around Amber’s neck, embracing her tightly. “Thank you,” Alexis whispers.
Amber topples over, hugging Alexis back tightly. “You’re welcome.”
“I love you, too.”
“I thought so.” Amber grins, a flood of relief and pride filling her stomach.
Alexis sits up and looks at the framed poem again. “I can’t believe you wrote me a poem.”
“Believe it,” Amber says, still lying on the carpet, reaching out to brush her fingers against Alexis’s wrist. Alexis looks at her and smiles, her eyes shining more blue than ever.
---
Alexis has no idea why she let Amber convince her to go to this New Years Eve Party. Alexis knows absolutely no one here and wants to crawl into the corner and fold over onto herself. Amber’s been mingling with people for the last half hour, so she clearly didn’t need a friend to come to this with her.
“Hey,” Amber says, walking over. “I’m sorry you’re not having any fun.”
“It’s okay.” Alexis thinks it’s not really, but there’s no use in complaining about it now.
Amber looks at her carefully for a moment and Alexis shifts her weight from foot to foot. “You lie,” Amber decides. “But thank you anyway.”
“You owe me.”
“Noted. You want something to drink?”
“No.” Alexis shakes her head. She’s had enough tipsy Amber to last her a lifetime. There’s no way she wants to see Amber kissing some other girl just because she feels like it.
“You want to leave?” Amber asks, pulling the strap of her dress up. She waves at someone across the room before looking at Alexis. “We can if you want.”
“No, it’s fine.” Alexis takes a deep breath, rubbing her arms like she’s cold even though she isn’t; she just doesn’t have anything else to do with herself. They’re quiet for a really long time and Alexis doesn’t know why that feels so weird to her right now.
“Did it bother you?” Amber asks suddenly.
Alexis looks at her, confused. “What?”
“When I kissed Blake,” Amber says simply, something like mischief and amusement sparkling in her eyes.
“What?” Alexis sputters, “No, um, no. Why would it?”
Laughing softly, Amber runs her fingers down Alexis’s arm. Alexis feels goosebumps appearing, and her throat is constricting in a way that isn’t entirely pleasant. “I don’t know, you tell me.”
Alexis blinks a few times, wondering if she’s that transparent or if Amber just knows her better than anyone else. She’s never lied to Amber’s face before, and she’s not sure she could do it now even if she tried. Feeling her face drain of color, Alexis takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm down, but she can’t.
“It’s okay.” Amber’s so close that Alexis can feel Amber’s breath on her cheek. “I won’t hurt you.”
Someone shouts that there’s a minute until midnight and when Amber looks at the clock, Alexis looks at her. Her face is calm and her hair is curled really nicely, framing her face and sitting softly on her shoulders. There’s an innate confidence in her that Alexis wishes she could possess.
“What about David?” Alexis asks quietly.
Amber looks at her again, her eyes burning bright. “We’re on a break.” She shrugs, smiling a little. “It’s not really working anymore.”
“Oh.”
People are counting down from ten now and Amber joins them: “six, five, four, three, two-”
Alexis takes a deep breath and kisses her, soft and slow and in a way that she knows is real. Amber seems surprised at first, but then Alexis can feel Amber smile against her mouth.
“I thought you’d never get there,” Amber says when they part, tugging on a strand of Alexis’s hair softly.
And in this moment there are two things Alexis is absolutely certain about: she is Amber favorite person in the whole entire world, and she will never be clear on why that is, but it involves getting to kiss Amber.
So while everyone is throwing confetti and cheering about the New Year, Alexis pulls Amber closer and kisses her again.
And Alexis’s wish comes true.
---