god, i feel so fucking defeated these days i barely have the energy to tell you the specifics and the whatevers. i've lost the vocabularily to describe what it means to lose the battle; of the bulge, of the anger, of the bitterness, of the sadness, of the hurt. the battle of overcoming the ideas that steal your breath and batter your stupid lonely ( Read more... )

i feel as though it's been a million years since i've written anything of consequence. no, that's not the right word. anything gut-wrenching and true to everything that's going on inside myself, is what i mean. but i'm entirely distracted by a life of busy nothingness. there are times when i feel like there are things i need to say to the world, to ( Read more... )

brianna and abigail,


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christmas was blue and cloudy,


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i become easily confused when i begin to feel bits and pieces of happiness. or contentment. or, god help me, excitement. because nothing (makes motion with hands to air around me) has changed. my skin still feels the same, my job still looks the same, and my eating habits are still painfully unhealthy. and i'm unaccustomed to what happiness is ( Read more... )

i'msorry i forgot ilovedyou. i'm sorryi for got you lovedme. because

i loveyou&missyou. f u l l s t o p.

and if you called i'd want to tellyoueverything i've learned while livinginthedesert.

my oldest and dearest brother had a little baby girl on november second two-thousand-and-five. she was eight pounds and one ounce, fifty centimeters long, and was born at one twenty-two in the afternoon.

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there are some days when i want to tell you, share with you, all the mundane and not-so-mundane things that are happening in my life. and i get sad and nostalgic and angry all at once. &i think, very deeply, about how this could have been different; what i could have done differently, how i could have become a person of consequence, how i could ( Read more... )

another month has passed since i last wrote to you, dear friends. it's painfully regular how often i feel compelled to write something ( Read more... )

okay,

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