Bipolar -- Chapter 11
Countdown.
Her breath came in small puffs.
Tiffany clenched the fabric of her dress in her fists as she tried to still herself from shaking. Was she shaking from the cold draft coming from somewhere in this hall? Or was it from fear - this fear she’s longed to forget for a year and a half since coming back home? She wasn’t sure, and at the moment she was not keen to find out as she stared into eyes she knew (used to loved) all too well.
“It’s been a while...”
His voice was as smooth as she remembered, and for a moment Tiffany feels a crack of a smile creep onto her pink lips. But his feral smirk in response snaps her back to her reality, and she gulped - her throat dry as he stepped closer to her, trapping her against the wall. She glanced to her left, praying for someone to appear. She didn’t care who at this point... He pulled his face close, his nose touching just the tip of hers, “You’re shivering, Fany-ah.”
She closed her eyes, fighting backs tears that began to form and breathed in the smell of cigarettes and soap eminating from him. She felt him smile against her neck.
Choi Siwon is elsewhere at the moment. Leave your message and contact details after the tone.
You have (1) new message: 11:45PM, April 19
Siwon- I’m back in Korea. We need to talk immediately. It seems he’s back for revenge. On who, I have no idea. Call me. This is Kim Jaejoong.
Five.
“Not a lot of high school romances last after school, and I guess ours was one of them.”
Donghae looked around the table and breathed a sigh of relief. Things were going along much better than he had anticipated. Siwon and Tiffany seemed a little more than enamored with each other, Jessica had begun to become comfortable with him again, playfully patting him on the shoulder at jokes he uselessly threw around the table, and then Yoona... his eyes softened at the sight of her shaking her head at him, the slight crinkle on her nose barely noticeable to most people except for him (and Changmin - her date, damn-he grumbled pitifully to himself) made it hard for him to breathe a little bit.
She was beautiful, a shining light. Wow, I’m getting a little poetic here. Donghae smiled to himself, running a hand through his hair as the warm feelings he’s become accustomed to around her flourished in his chest.
“Personally I think we’re better off as just friends. Besides, Donghae’s kind of a slob.” Jessica was saying, grinning from ear to ear. Although there was anxiety etched in her eyes, her tone was playful and genuine. He found himself giving her a large smile back.
“Hey! I’m not the one who sheds clothes like a snake.”
“Geez, grow up Fishface.” She retorted, rolling her eyes at him. The table erupted into laughter, even Siwon laughed (although he regarded Donghae with shake of his head and a look that said to him ‘You are childish’.).
Donghae was very relieved indeed. He could hear Yoona giggle near him and he pulled his eyes back towards her... only to catch Changmin doing the same.
He subconsciously clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes. Beside him, Jessica noticed and gently patted him on the shoulder. He looked at her, in surprise, and cleared his throat as she pressed her lips in a thin line.
She said nothing, but her stare spoke volumes.
“If you don’t mind me asking, Changmin... but what exactly is the status of your relationship with Yoona?” Tiffany’s voice broke aloud into their comfortable chatter. She smile awkwardly, covering her mouth as both Changmin and Yoona looked surprised at her question. “Sorry for suddenly asking but I was curious. Hey, Jessica - you work with them - do you what’s going on?”
Jessica smiled sheepishly as well. “Actually, I’ve always wanted to ask too.”
Donghae’s attention snapped back towards the table and he tried his best not too look so interested. He straightened in his seat and offered a look of detached curiosity. Only he quickly figured out his suave attempt to look cool didn’t work as Siwon raised an eyebrow at him and smirked. He threw a glare at his direction and focused his attentions back to Yoona... and Changmin.
They were a beautiful couple, even Donghae had to admit. They were a perfect contrast to each other: light and dark, day and night... that sort of thing. With the way they carried themselves and each other; the meaningful glances and secret smiles they shared that didn’t escape his notice... Donghae just knew there were more to them than just co-workers and friends. He watched them as they settled in their seats (she had leaned forward slightly towards the table, while he leaned back with one arm across the back of her chair) and considered the situation.
“I’m sorry to have suddenly wanted to know as well... but I’ve always been curious. I’ve heard rumors since I entered the company less than a year ago...”
Changmin chuckled, his eyes asymmetrical as he shook his head. “Rumors, you say? Hmm, did you hear that Yoong? People actually talk about us!”
“People have always talked about us. Ever since you got promoted to publishing director two years ago, I think. It’s not so much a surprise, Shim.” Yoona replied, rolling her eyes at him but smiled at the nickname nonetheless. It’d been a year since she’s heard it and she’s missed it, much to her chagrin. She put her chin on her palm and hummed, lowering her eyes to think. A moment later, she looked back at him and pursed her lips into a pout. “I suppose there are still some people who haven’t gotten over us, Changmin.”
Changmin’s eyes softened as he looked back at her, and he nodded. He turned his attention towards the rest of the people around the table who were watching them with interest and spoke: “I would imagine so... seeing as we were a very attractive couple.”
“So... it’s true?” Jessica gaped at them, her hand covering her mouth in astonishment. She stared at Yoona wide-eyed. “But Ma’am... you’ve always seemed to argue and defy Mr. Shim at work...”
“Calling me Ma’am makes me feel old, Jessica. And you’re actually a few months older than me.” She replied, wrinkling her nose and sighing. “But yes... it’s true. We were together years before coming to work under the same company and I’ve always liked to argue with him-”
“Please note her use of ‘argue’ - tragically misused, I must say since as I remember Im Yoona fought with me everyday.” He interjected, rolling his eyes at her and he pinched the underside of her arm. She yelped in surprise and slapped him on the shoulder instinctively. “See that? Visual proof!”
“You deserve it.” Yoona glared at him for a moment before turning back to look around the table. His hand found its way to the small of her back and she momentarily froze. She glanced at him at the corner of her eyes and saw him watching her... his gaze burning into her heart. She shrugged half-heartedly and tried to shake the feeling off, a thin smile on her lips. “But we always just ‘fought’ about work and nothing else.”
“We were almost married last year.” He said suddenly, his voice even but deep. Changmin looked away and let a weak grin form on his lips. She bit hers and turned her head the other way. His hand stayed at the small of her back, and she fought back the ache of wanting to lay her hand on his knee. The way she used to... Her voice comes out soft and almost strained.
“Yes... we almost were.”
“So, then why did you break up?” Tiffany asked, brow wrinkling in confusion. The pair lowered their eyes and sat silently.
Yoona stared down at her hands, at the finger where a diamond band used to reside and sighed. She remembered how happy she was when she first lay eyes on it - and then remembered the despair she felt the days after that. She was happy to be with him, to love him, and at the same time sorrowful. Until now she had no idea why her feelings contradicted themselves but she simply carried on... or at least, she tried to - by putting them away into the deep recesses of her mind.
“It just...” Changmin trailed off, and removed his hand from her back - running it through his hair and shrugging. He seemed to have remembered something, remembered their reality. His ears were red; he was embarrassed. But why?
Yoona kept a dark feeling bubbling inside of her at bay, and stared ahead. She put her hand on his knee.
“It just wasn’t working any more.”
Hi, this is Tif~fany Hwang! I’m probably out right now or writing my lesson plan or maybe I’m just ignoring your call but leave a message anyway and I’ll be right back.
You have (1) new message: 7:52PM, April 19
This is Sooyoung. Tiffany... Miyoung. I... I couldn’t believe it when I first heard but-Yujin... oppa’s sister... she told me. She told me everything. And now I know why he’s after you. Is it true? Miyoung-ah... why? He... I don’t know who you are at all.
Four.
“You’re in love.”
Donghae stopped walking mid-step and looked back at her, staring at him with a small smile and her hair down, framing her beautiful face. She walked towards him, taking each step slowly as if she weighed and checked her feet each time. She’s retained the habit of avoiding the cracks on the sidewalk and he grinned, shaking his head at how much she had changed and not at the same time. He let her pull his arm and link it with hers as they step together this time. One step and one crack at a time.
“You’ve always known me too well.” He breathed, staring down at their feet. Jessica laughed, her short puffs of air floating around them merrily as they marched on.
“No... you were always just too obvious.” One step, one crack. “You know... I used to I wake up having nightmares of your fists... I’ve been afraid of you all this time, Donghae.”
“I wasn’t good for you.”
“No, you weren’t. But I’ve outgrown the nightmares and you seem to have gotten better...”
Another step, another crack. “I’m sorry.”
“You’ve changed... haven’t you?”
He shrugged, stopping quietly and looked up at the dark sky. The moon was full and bright tonight. “... I want to think that I did.”
She shook her head, leaning her head on his shoulder. She gazed up at the sky as well, and sighed. “I think you have. That’s why... you’re in love again.”
Donghae briefly remembered a time when she would lay her head above his heart and sigh - his Jessica, his Sooyeon - I’m sorry... he thought, looking at her and willing that she understand. His hand found hers and squeezed it. I’m sorry.
Jessica looked back at him and squeezed back. I forgive you.
Then they stood in silence, reminiscing their pasts - their present, and their future (although, not together) - and smiled.
Don’t be that man again. “Don’t break her heart.”
“I won’t.” I’ll try not to.
This is Donghae’s phone. Life is damned good right now. I love the world. I think I’ll donate to charity later. Oh and If this is Jessica... thanks again. But if it’s not, then just leave a message.
You have (1) message: 5:00AM, April 20
Hey, hey, hey! It’s Yoochun. You sound unusually peppy. You get laid? Hahaha! Anyway, I got the new song’s demo. It’s amazing! I don’t know how the hell you pulled it off at four in the morning but man, it sounds excellent! I can definitely see this as your main track. Donghae... whoever’s giving you your groove back - don’t let her go.
Three.
This feeling was all too familiar.
All too familiar... this feeling of leather sinking beneath her, as she shifted slightly into one way and another. The feel of cloth slipping through her fingers as they are removed in haste, in urgency. The feeling of heat, of skin against skin, lip against lip - this feeling of...
What was it really? She thought as she pulled on his hair and removed his tie- her lips crashed into his. Her hair fell across his cheek as she hovered over him - breathless, wanting and yet unsure. Was this a new beginning? She would have thought so years ago... but then again, they wouldn’t be in the backseat of his car parked in the dark part of her apartment building if it were. She unzipped the back of her dress and made quick work on the button of his shirt, pressing herself against his chest.
Was it lust then?
“Yoona.”
She pulled away and stared down at him, running her hands through his hair. No, this was more than that, her heart supplied as it thundered against her chest at the gaze his dark eyes captivated her. One of his hands slid under the crook of her nape as he pulled her into another kiss - this time slow, deep, loving - while the other slid up trailing against her dress, her leg and then towards her center. Yoona moaned as he bit her lower lip gently and kissed downwards, throwing her head back. Her hands made their way down his chest.
“Changmin...” It was getting harder and harder to breathe, and this feeling was all too treasured.
A part of me still loves him. That much she was certain, as she stared at him watching her with half-lidden eyes. She spread her knees and sat on his lap, breathing him in. She felt him through the material of his trousers and kissed the underside of where the bottom of his ear and neck joined as he groaned. A part of me...
“We can’t do this.” His voice was strained as his hands fitted themselves on her waist, steadying her. She felt a cold stab at her heart, but said nothing - keeping her head in between the crook of his shoulder and breathed. She felt the ache of pain with no blood and swallowed.
This feeling was also too familiar.
“You’re marrying my nurse. Yeonhee.” She felt him nod slowly and she sighed. “... you deserve to be happy.”
“But I love you.” Changmin breathed, more to his person it seemed, enveloping her in an embrace and their current state of undress forgotten. “It’s fucked up but I love you... you know that, right?”
She nodded.
“But it’s always been too much for you, I think. That’s why you... back then...”
“You... have one of my stars.”
He sighed, his breath warm against her ear. (He kept one to have something of hers to remember.)
“Yes.”
“I love you.”
He chuckled humorlessly, tightening his grip around her. This feeling was home to them. “That’s the first time you said that to me. But I think you meant past tense.”
It was her turn to laugh humorlessly, and she felt the sting of tears beneath her eyes. No, she had meant present tense - but she’d also be lying if she said so, wouldn’t she?
Yoona felt herself nod and he laughed again, the sound choked.
He pulled her away from him, zipping and lowering her dress back down her legs and began to button his shirt. She watched him silently as he tried to fix his tie and then whispered “Let me.”, and reached out to fix the knot after one too many failed attempts. Changmin stared down at her as she finished and brushed a tendril of hair off her face.
She blinked up at him. This feeling was...
He turned away and opened the car door, stepping out into the dark and humid air of the basement parking space. She followed suit, smoothing down her dress without a word. They walked towards the entrance to the apartment in silence. She entered the elevator slowly, pushing the button fluidly before straining her eyes to look into his.
He didn’t smile, or make any movement. He simply looked at her the way she imagine he did when he said goodbye the first time: his mouth stiff and his eyes unblinking - hardened. The doors closed and she heard a bang (his fist) against the heavy metal as she was lifted up, up, up.
While her soul ripped and gnawed upon her... Yoona held her tears.
Hello, you’ve reached Im Yoona’s phone. I’m currently detained elsewhere but leave a message after the tone. I’ll get back to you when I decide your message is important.
You have (1) message: 10:55PM, April 19
Hi. Um. Okay, so I know we just saw each other an hour ago but see no one’s home yet - I mean, Siwon and Tiffany’s date obviously went well and that’s why they’re late but you and Changmin are... oh God, I hope I’m not disturbing the two of you right now with this message. Shit-but you know what who cares! Look, I... I really... I’ve been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you. I’m finally a believer of ‘love at first sight’ and I’m not afraid to say it. Of course I’m telling you over the phone but the point is I-
Donghae. What are you doing?
Wha-I’m-that is to say-Damn it. I love you.
Two.
“Well, dinner was...”
“Interesting. Let’s go with that word, Siwon. It’s the only one that fits at the moment.” Tiffany laughed, wrinkling her nose cutely as Siwon moved his chair closer to hers. Their companions had all gone to go for a walk - which was probably their neighbors’ main plan to leave them alone in the first place - each of them off on their own path separately: Donghae with Jessica, and Yoona with Changmin. She pursed her lips together, thinking hard about the conversations during the meal and sighed.
She learned quite a few things she didn’t think she’d ever know this early on. That Miss Jessica and Donghae were high school sweethearts and that guy, Changmin, and Yoona were...
And that Siwon was devastatingly creeping closer and closer to her heart.
“I’m still kind of shocked that Yoona was once engaged.” She breathed; rubbing the tablecloth with her index finger absentmindedly as she tried to rid of the blush she knew already stained her cheeks. Siwon watched her with interest and shrugged, pushing her half-eaten plate of tiramisu in front of her. She smiled at him and took a spoonful into her mouth, licking her lips innocently while he stared. “You’re staring at me again.”
“Forgive me. I think Donghae’s rubbed off on me.” He replied, earning a glorious giggle from her and grinning. Tiffany held out a spoonful of the dessert towards him and he obliged, taking it into his mouth. She blushed as he held her gaze and it took every bit of his willpower not to take her lips onto his. Instead, he sat back and rubbed a tiny dollop of cream on her cheek and watched as her eyes widened and she hit him across the chest.
Siwon knew what they were doing was probably a scene straight out of a romance manhwa, but he didn’t care. At the moment he was not Choi Siwon, CEO.
He was Choi Siwon... a man in love.
“I think I like you a little too much a little too soon.” Tiffany said moments later, as Siwon stood after paying the check. She lowered her eyes as he held her hand and stood up, smoothing down her dark dress with her hands. Her heart thumping as his touch seemed to electrify her nerves. “But you probably don’t feel the same way... and I’m a little afraid.”
Siwon said nothing, his hand still holding hers - perfectly fit and laced together - as they set their way towards the exit. He squeezed her hand, clearing his throat as they stopped in front of the door to get their coats. He helped her into hers and smoothed the garment over her shoulders, holding them between his palms before whispering. “You don’t have to be afraid.”
“I do feel the same way... you could say that this is the first time I have.”
“First time?” She looked at him curiously, and he felt his heart fall under him. He could feel himself perspiring under her gaze and turned around.
“First time to feel... love...”
Tiffany stared at his back in shock, feeling a warm blush radiate into her cheeks and into her chest. Did he just... When was the last time she felt this... elated? Tiffany couldn’t remember. She bit her lip and turned him towards her. She drew her face close, letting her lips touch his ever so slightly before pulling away and turning on her heel.
“I’ll be right back.” She winked at him before disappearing into the corner.
Siwon stared after her, touching his lips with the back of his hand... and grinned.
She hummed happily to herself as she washed her hands under the running tap water. Her cheeks were stained pink, her lips full and her eyes bright. She looked like the person she used to be years ago - a person she’s missed to see for so long... a person who was happy, genuinely happy and in love.
Tiffany giggled to herself and waved a hand over her face, fanning herself from the heat her cheeks emanated. She had to go back - she couldn’t keep him waiting after all, and the night was still young. They could call this their first date (instead of the last one) if they catch a movie and hold hands and maybe kiss...
She cleared her throat and shook her head, grinning from ear to ear. Her thoughts were running away from her again. There was plenty of times for more dates later. Tiffany stepped out of the comfort room with a skip in step, humming a tune only she could hear.
Or so she thought.
Out of the back of her head, she could hear another humming the same tune... following her. There was something about this song... something familiar-
“I wrote this for him... for before. I never had the chance to sing it in front of him.”
There it was... her steps slowed, her heels clicking against the marble floor one at a time; the song following her every step and then-
Countdown. Five. Four. Three. Two.
“Boo.”
One.
“Yunho.”
Her breath came in small puffs.
Tiffany clenched the fabric of her dress in her fists as she tried to still herself from shaking. Was she shaking from the cold draft coming from somewhere in this hall? Or was it from fear - this fear she’s longed to forget for a year and a half since coming back home? She wasn’t sure, and at the moment she was not keen to find out as she stared into eyes she knew (used to loved) all too well.
“It’s been a while...”
His voice was as smooth as she remembered, and for a moment Tiffany feels a crack of a smile creep onto her pink lips. But his feral smirk in response snaps her back to her reality, and she gulped - her throat dry as he stepped closer to her, trapping her against the wall. She glanced to her left, praying for someone to appear. She didn’t care who at this point... He pulled his face close, his nose touching just the tip of hers, “You’re shivering, Fany-ah.”
She closed her eyes, fighting backs tears that began to form and breathed in the smell of cigarettes and soap eminating from him. She felt him smile against her neck.
Choi Siwon is elsewhere at the moment. Leave your message and contact details after the tone.
You have (1) new message: 11:45PM, April 19
Siwon- I’m back in Korea. We need to talk immediately. It seems he’s back for revenge. On who, I have no idea. Call me. This is Kim Jaejoong.
Five.
“Not a lot of high school romances last after school, and I guess ours was one of them.”
Donghae looked around the table and breathed a sigh of relief. Things were going along much better than he had anticipated. Siwon and Tiffany seemed a little more than enamored with each other, Jessica had begun to become comfortable with him again, playfully patting him on the shoulder at jokes he uselessly threw around the table, and then Yoona... his eyes softened at the sight of her shaking her head at him, the slight crinkle on her nose barely noticeable to most people except for him (and Changmin - her date, damn-he grumbled pitifully to himself) made it hard for him to breathe a little bit.
She was beautiful, a shining light. Wow, I’m getting a little poetic here. Donghae smiled to himself, running a hand through his hair as the warm feelings he’s become accustomed to around her flourished in his chest.
“Personally I think we’re better off as just friends. Besides, Donghae’s kind of a slob.” Jessica was saying, grinning from ear to ear. Although there was anxiety etched in her eyes, her tone was playful and genuine. He found himself giving her a large smile back.
“Hey! I’m not the one who sheds clothes like a snake.”
“Geez, grow up Fishface.” She retorted, rolling her eyes at him. The table erupted into laughter, even Siwon laughed (although he regarded Donghae with shake of his head and a look that said to him ‘You are childish’.).
Donghae was very relieved indeed. He could hear Yoona giggle near him and he pulled his eyes back towards her... only to catch Changmin doing the same.
He subconsciously clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes. Beside him, Jessica noticed and gently patted him on the shoulder. He looked at her, in surprise, and cleared his throat as she pressed her lips in a thin line.
She said nothing, but her stare spoke volumes.
“If you don’t mind me asking, Changmin... but what exactly is the status of your relationship with Yoona?” Tiffany’s voice broke aloud into their comfortable chatter. She smile awkwardly, covering her mouth as both Changmin and Yoona looked surprised at her question. “Sorry for suddenly asking but I was curious. Hey, Jessica - you work with them - do you what’s going on?”
Jessica smiled sheepishly as well. “Actually, I’ve always wanted to ask too.”
Donghae’s attention snapped back towards the table and he tried his best not too look so interested. He straightened in his seat and offered a look of detached curiosity. Only he quickly figured out his suave attempt to look cool didn’t work as Siwon raised an eyebrow at him and smirked. He threw a glare at his direction and focused his attentions back to Yoona... and Changmin.
They were a beautiful couple, even Donghae had to admit. They were a perfect contrast to each other: light and dark, day and night... that sort of thing. With the way they carried themselves and each other; the meaningful glances and secret smiles they shared that didn’t escape his notice... Donghae just knew there were more to them than just co-workers and friends. He watched them as they settled in their seats (she had leaned forward slightly towards the table, while he leaned back with one arm across the back of her chair) and considered the situation.
“I’m sorry to have suddenly wanted to know as well... but I’ve always been curious. I’ve heard rumors since I entered the company less than a year ago...”
Changmin chuckled, his eyes asymmetrical as he shook his head. “Rumors, you say? Hmm, did you hear that Yoong? People actually talk about us!”
“People have always talked about us. Ever since you got promoted to publishing director two years ago, I think. It’s not so much a surprise, Shim.” Yoona replied, rolling her eyes at him but smiled at the nickname nonetheless. It’d been a year since she’s heard it and she’s missed it, much to her chagrin. She put her chin on her palm and hummed, lowering her eyes to think. A moment later, she looked back at him and pursed her lips into a pout. “I suppose there are still some people who haven’t gotten over us, Changmin.”
Changmin’s eyes softened as he looked back at her, and he nodded. He turned his attention towards the rest of the people around the table who were watching them with interest and spoke: “I would imagine so... seeing as we were a very attractive couple.”
“So... it’s true?” Jessica gaped at them, her hand covering her mouth in astonishment. She stared at Yoona wide-eyed. “But Ma’am... you’ve always seemed to argue and defy Mr. Shim at work...”
“Calling me Ma’am makes me feel old, Jessica. And you’re actually a few months older than me.” She replied, wrinkling her nose and sighing. “But yes... it’s true. We were together years before coming to work under the same company and I’ve always liked to argue with him-”
“Please note her use of ‘argue’ - tragically misused, I must say since as I remember Im Yoona fought with me everyday.” He interjected, rolling his eyes at her and he pinched the underside of her arm. She yelped in surprise and slapped him on the shoulder instinctively. “See that? Visual proof!”
“You deserve it.” Yoona glared at him for a moment before turning back to look around the table. His hand found its way to the small of her back and she momentarily froze. She glanced at him at the corner of her eyes and saw him watching her... his gaze burning into her heart. She shrugged half-heartedly and tried to shake the feeling off, a thin smile on her lips. “But we always just ‘fought’ about work and nothing else.”
“We were almost married last year.” He said suddenly, his voice even but deep. Changmin looked away and let a weak grin form on his lips. She bit hers and turned her head the other way. His hand stayed at the small of her back, and she fought back the ache of wanting to lay her hand on his knee. The way she used to... Her voice comes out soft and almost strained.
“Yes... we almost were.”
“So, then why did you break up?” Tiffany asked, brow wrinkling in confusion. The pair lowered their eyes and sat silently.
Yoona stared down at her hands, at the finger where a diamond band used to reside and sighed. She remembered how happy she was when she first lay eyes on it - and then remembered the despair she felt the days after that. She was happy to be with him, to love him, and at the same time sorrowful. Until now she had no idea why her feelings contradicted themselves but she simply carried on... or at least, she tried to - by putting them away into the deep recesses of her mind.
“It just...” Changmin trailed off, and removed his hand from her back - running it through his hair and shrugging. He seemed to have remembered something, remembered their reality. His ears were red; he was embarrassed. But why?
Yoona kept a dark feeling bubbling inside of her at bay, and stared ahead. She put her hand on his knee.
“It just wasn’t working any more.”
Hi, this is Tif~fany Hwang! I’m probably out right now or writing my lesson plan or maybe I’m just ignoring your call but leave a message anyway and I’ll be right back.
You have (1) new message: 7:52PM, April 19
This is Sooyoung. Tiffany... Miyoung. I... I couldn’t believe it when I first heard but-Yujin... oppa’s sister... she told me. She told me everything. And now I know why he’s after you. Is it true? Miyoung-ah... why? He... I don’t know who you are at all.
Four.
“You’re in love.”
Donghae stopped walking mid-step and looked back at her, staring at him with a small smile and her hair down, framing her beautiful face. She walked towards him, taking each step slowly as if she weighed and checked her feet each time. She’s retained the habit of avoiding the cracks on the sidewalk and he grinned, shaking his head at how much she had changed and not at the same time. He let her pull his arm and link it with hers as they step together this time. One step and one crack at a time.
“You’ve always known me too well.” He breathed, staring down at their feet. Jessica laughed, her short puffs of air floating around them merrily as they marched on.
“No... you were always just too obvious.” One step, one crack. “You know... I used to I wake up having nightmares of your fists... I’ve been afraid of you all this time, Donghae.”
“I wasn’t good for you.”
“No, you weren’t. But I’ve outgrown the nightmares and you seem to have gotten better...”
Another step, another crack. “I’m sorry.”
“You’ve changed... haven’t you?”
He shrugged, stopping quietly and looked up at the dark sky. The moon was full and bright tonight. “... I want to think that I did.”
She shook her head, leaning her head on his shoulder. She gazed up at the sky as well, and sighed. “I think you have. That’s why... you’re in love again.”
Donghae briefly remembered a time when she would lay her head above his heart and sigh - his Jessica, his Sooyeon - I’m sorry... he thought, looking at her and willing that she understand. His hand found hers and squeezed it. I’m sorry.
Jessica looked back at him and squeezed back. I forgive you.
Then they stood in silence, reminiscing their pasts - their present, and their future (although, not together) - and smiled.
Don’t be that man again. “Don’t break her heart.”
“I won’t.” I’ll try not to.
This is Donghae’s phone. Life is damned good right now. I love the world. I think I’ll donate to charity later. Oh and If this is Jessica... thanks again. But if it’s not, then just leave a message.
You have (1) message: 5:00AM, April 20
Hey, hey, hey! It’s Yoochun. You sound unusually peppy. You get laid? Hahaha! Anyway, I got the new song’s demo. It’s amazing! I don’t know how the hell you pulled it off at four in the morning but man, it sounds excellent! I can definitely see this as your main track. Donghae... whoever’s giving you your groove back - don’t let her go.
Three.
This feeling was all too familiar.
All too familiar... this feeling of leather sinking beneath her, as she shifted slightly into one way and another. The feel of cloth slipping through her fingers as they are removed in haste, in urgency. The feeling of heat, of skin against skin, lip against lip - this feeling of...
What was it really? She thought as she pulled on his hair and removed his tie- her lips crashed into his. Her hair fell across his cheek as she hovered over him - breathless, wanting and yet unsure. Was this a new beginning? She would have thought so years ago... but then again, they wouldn’t be in the backseat of his car parked in the dark part of her apartment building if it were. She unzipped the back of her dress and made quick work on the button of his shirt, pressing herself against his chest.
Was it lust then?
“Yoona.”
She pulled away and stared down at him, running her hands through his hair. No, this was more than that, her heart supplied as it thundered against her chest at the gaze his dark eyes captivated her. One of his hands slid under the crook of her nape as he pulled her into another kiss - this time slow, deep, loving - while the other slid up trailing against her dress, her leg and then towards her center. Yoona moaned as he bit her lower lip gently and kissed downwards, throwing her head back. Her hands made their way down his chest.
“Changmin...” It was getting harder and harder to breathe, and this feeling was all too treasured.
A part of me still loves him. That much she was certain, as she stared at him watching her with half-lidden eyes. She spread her knees and sat on his lap, breathing him in. She felt him through the material of his trousers and kissed the underside of where the bottom of his ear and neck joined as he groaned. A part of me...
“We can’t do this.” His voice was strained as his hands fitted themselves on her waist, steadying her. She felt a cold stab at her heart, but said nothing - keeping her head in between the crook of his shoulder and breathed. She felt the ache of pain with no blood and swallowed.
This feeling was also too familiar.
“You’re marrying my nurse. Yeonhee.” She felt him nod slowly and she sighed. “... you deserve to be happy.”
“But I love you.” Changmin breathed, more to his person it seemed, enveloping her in an embrace and their current state of undress forgotten. “It’s fucked up but I love you... you know that, right?”
She nodded.
“But it’s always been too much for you, I think. That’s why you... back then...”
“You... have one of my stars.”
He sighed, his breath warm against her ear. (He kept one to have something of hers to remember.)
“Yes.”
“I love you.”
He chuckled humorlessly, tightening his grip around her. This feeling was home to them. “That’s the first time you said that to me. But I think you meant past tense.”
It was her turn to laugh humorlessly, and she felt the sting of tears beneath her eyes. No, she had meant present tense - but she’d also be lying if she said so, wouldn’t she?
Yoona felt herself nod and he laughed again, the sound choked.
He pulled her away from him, zipping and lowering her dress back down her legs and began to button his shirt. She watched him silently as he tried to fix his tie and then whispered “Let me.”, and reached out to fix the knot after one too many failed attempts. Changmin stared down at her as she finished and brushed a tendril of hair off her face.
She blinked up at him. This feeling was...
He turned away and opened the car door, stepping out into the dark and humid air of the basement parking space. She followed suit, smoothing down her dress without a word. They walked towards the entrance to the apartment in silence. She entered the elevator slowly, pushing the button fluidly before straining her eyes to look into his.
He didn’t smile, or make any movement. He simply looked at her the way she imagine he did when he said goodbye the first time: his mouth stiff and his eyes unblinking - hardened. The doors closed and she heard a bang (his fist) against the heavy metal as she was lifted up, up, up.
While her soul ripped and gnawed upon her... Yoona held her tears.
Hello, you’ve reached Im Yoona’s phone. I’m currently detained elsewhere but leave a message after the tone. I’ll get back to you when I decide your message is important.
You have (1) message: 10:55PM, April 19
Hi. Um. Okay, so I know we just saw each other an hour ago but see no one’s home yet - I mean, Siwon and Tiffany’s date obviously went well and that’s why they’re late but you and Changmin are... oh God, I hope I’m not disturbing the two of you right now with this message. Shit-but you know what who cares! Look, I... I really... I’ve been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you. I’m finally a believer of ‘love at first sight’ and I’m not afraid to say it. Of course I’m telling you over the phone but the point is I-
Donghae. What are you doing?
Wha-I’m-that is to say-Damn it. I love you.
Two.
“Well, dinner was...”
“Interesting. Let’s go with that word, Siwon. It’s the only one that fits at the moment.” Tiffany laughed, wrinkling her nose cutely as Siwon moved his chair closer to hers. Their companions had all gone to go for a walk - which was probably their neighbors’ main plan to leave them alone in the first place - each of them off on their own path separately: Donghae with Jessica, and Yoona with Changmin. She pursed her lips together, thinking hard about the conversations during the meal and sighed.
She learned quite a few things she didn’t think she’d ever know this early on. That Miss Jessica and Donghae were high school sweethearts and that guy, Changmin, and Yoona were...
And that Siwon was devastatingly creeping closer and closer to her heart.
“I’m still kind of shocked that Yoona was once engaged.” She breathed; rubbing the tablecloth with her index finger absentmindedly as she tried to rid of the blush she knew already stained her cheeks. Siwon watched her with interest and shrugged, pushing her half-eaten plate of tiramisu in front of her. She smiled at him and took a spoonful into her mouth, licking her lips innocently while he stared. “You’re staring at me again.”
“Forgive me. I think Donghae’s rubbed off on me.” He replied, earning a glorious giggle from her and grinning. Tiffany held out a spoonful of the dessert towards him and he obliged, taking it into his mouth. She blushed as he held her gaze and it took every bit of his willpower not to take her lips onto his. Instead, he sat back and rubbed a tiny dollop of cream on her cheek and watched as her eyes widened and she hit him across the chest.
Siwon knew what they were doing was probably a scene straight out of a romance manhwa, but he didn’t care. At the moment he was not Choi Siwon, CEO.
He was Choi Siwon... a man in love.
“I think I like you a little too much a little too soon.” Tiffany said moments later, as Siwon stood after paying the check. She lowered her eyes as he held her hand and stood up, smoothing down her dark dress with her hands. Her heart thumping as his touch seemed to electrify her nerves. “But you probably don’t feel the same way... and I’m a little afraid.”
Siwon said nothing, his hand still holding hers - perfectly fit and laced together - as they set their way towards the exit. He squeezed her hand, clearing his throat as they stopped in front of the door to get their coats. He helped her into hers and smoothed the garment over her shoulders, holding them between his palms before whispering. “You don’t have to be afraid.”
“I do feel the same way... you could say that this is the first time I have.”
“First time?” She looked at him curiously, and he felt his heart fall under him. He could feel himself perspiring under her gaze and turned around.
“First time to feel... love...”
Tiffany stared at his back in shock, feeling a warm blush radiate into her cheeks and into her chest. Did he just... When was the last time she felt this... elated? Tiffany couldn’t remember. She bit her lip and turned him towards her. She drew her face close, letting her lips touch his ever so slightly before pulling away and turning on her heel.
“I’ll be right back.” She winked at him before disappearing into the corner.
Siwon stared after her, touching his lips with the back of his hand... and grinned.
She hummed happily to herself as she washed her hands under the running tap water. Her cheeks were stained pink, her lips full and her eyes bright. She looked like the person she used to be years ago - a person she’s missed to see for so long... a person who was happy, genuinely happy and in love.
Tiffany giggled to herself and waved a hand over her face, fanning herself from the heat her cheeks emanated. She had to go back - she couldn’t keep him waiting after all, and the night was still young. They could call this their first date (instead of the last one) if they catch a movie and hold hands and maybe kiss...
She cleared her throat and shook her head, grinning from ear to ear. Her thoughts were running away from her again. There was plenty of times for more dates later. Tiffany stepped out of the comfort room with a skip in step, humming a tune only she could hear.
Or so she thought.
Out of the back of her head, she could hear another humming the same tune... following her. There was something about this song... something familiar-
“I wrote this for him... for before. I never had the chance to sing it in front of him.”
There it was... her steps slowed, her heels clicking against the marble floor one at a time; the song following her every step and then-
Countdown. Five. Four. Three. Two.
“Boo.”
One.
“Yunho.”