Measuring Tapes Never Lie
Title: Measuring Tapes Never Lie
Author: iantojjackh
Summary: When the rift is quiet the team goes stir crazy and a secret is revealed.
Rating: High R, not quite NC-17
Characters/Pairing: Jack/Ianto, the rest of team Torchwood
Spoilers: None
Warning: Some sexually suggestive themes
Notes: Part of the series of the Long Days and Nights of Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones. The series is not posted in chronological order click here for the master list and timeline of the series. Also, this is a fill for longliveiantobingo's Hobbies prompt. Also, fits comment-fic prompt: Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, sex and stories
Here is the cover art for this story
Measuring Tapes Never Lie
Ianto typed furiously at the keyboard, hoping to pass the time as he resigned himself to the tourist office on this cold December day. His method of choice to cure the boredom was to finish the latest chapter of his online romance/pornographic novel featuring General Jacob Hackett and his younger lover Ryan Smith. Of course, Jacob was not a real general; at least not anymore.
Ianto thought this was better than being in the hub with the bored lunatics, better known as his friends/colleagues all lead by the supreme nutcase also known as Ianto's other half. At times like this Ianto liked to think of himself as the better half. A silent rift made the Torchwood denizens stir crazy and by the third day of acquiescing to the whims of everyone else, Ianto began to view his fellow Woodies as escapees of an asylum. Referring to them as Woodies was a clear sign that he was becoming more like Jack everyday. People said the longer a couple are together the more they become alike, but in this case it was only one way. Jack was not becoming like him in the least bit. Hell, he was writing about his and Jack's sexual exploits under a pen name untraceable back to him. The followers of his story even thought he was female, writing under the name ToniaJ.
Ianto liked to blame his life changing blood transfusion three months ago, but he had started writing this story a year ago. So perhaps becoming immortal had not corrupted Ianto's mind as much as he liked to blame that as the turning point. He knew he was just as crazy as the rest, but he did his best to look like the picture of perfect propriety.
Forty minutes later, Ianto was satisfied with his latest creation and he published his latest work to Tonia's online journal.
-------------------TW -------------------TW -------------------TW -------------------
Gwen squealed when she got the email she had been waiting for a very long time. "Tosh, it's here," she called out, drawing odd looks from Jack and Owen. The update to her and Tosh's guilty pleasure had finally arrived.
"What?" Tosh looked up confused until she saw Gwen intently staring at her computer screen. "Oh," her face rounded into a smile as she checked her email. "I thought the next chapter would never come. It's been almost a month since the last chapter. I wonder what took her so long?"
"What are you two talking about?" Jack was looking for anything to cure his boredom and with Ianto in the tourist office that was not going to happen easily.
"A story we are reading," Gwen answered, not looking up from the screen and all but dismissing any other questions.
Owen was interested in what had the women acting like a vapid teenagers. He swore that Myfanwy would fly past them and they would not take notice and he proved that point when he started to read over Tosh's shoulder, an act that usually resulted in him being yelled at.
Owen's mouth hung slightly agape as he read what was on the screen:
Ryan stepped out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist. Beads of water dripped from the young man's wet hair onto his toned chest. The bedroom was too quiet and that only one thing: Jacob was up to no good.
That was confirmed seconds later when a muffled cry and loud crash came from the next room. At first Ryan was concerned, but he found himself stifling a laugh when he saw the predicament Jacob had created for himself.
"Do I even want to know why your dick looks like a candy cane?" Ryan asked with a raised eyebrow.
"It's a Tuggie and now I can't get I off," Jacob winced. "One size fits all doesn't fit me," he looked down at his semi-hard cock which was bulging in its polyester sleeve.
"Does it hurt?" Ryan helped his lover up and his gaze fell to the striped fabric. He fought the temptation to run his fingers down the hard length. There was a slight grin as the tip of the fabric was wet from leakage from Jacob's engorged penis.
Jacob groaned as he got harder under Ryan's lustful gaze.
"Wait! Hold up. What the hell is a Tuggie?" Owen found it hard to believe what he was reading could actually happen or why Gwen and Tosh found this stuff entertaining.
Jack's ears perked up at the question, "It's this kind of sock thing for your penis."
"Why am I not surprised that you know that. Let me guess you own one?" Owen regretted opening the door for one of Jack's incredulous tales.
"Had a bit of problem with it fitting. Ianto had to have it cut off," Jack winced at the memory from less than a week ago. "The Tuggie, not my penis," he added in case there was any confusion.
"Kind of figured. So stuff like this really happens?" Owen shook his head at the screen.
"Like what?" Jack moved behind Gwen and read over her shoulder, his face a mix of emotions. He was not sure if she should be upset or flattered. "Are there more stories like this?"
"Plenty. There are about thirty chapters," Gwen explained, navigating to the table of contents.
"What's Measuring Tapes Never Lie about?" Jack gripped the back of Gwen's chair, gritting his teeth.
"Well...umm...twenty-two centimeters. Sheep measuring tape and lots of hot and steamy moments," Gwen responded feeling quite flustered as she recalled the most erotic chapter to date. After the initial read Gwen found herself in great need of a very long and very cold shower.
"Does it also involve," Jack scanned the document for the names, "Jacob finding Ryan's diary?"
"Yes. You can read the rest for yourself," Gwen pushed away from her computer to give Jack easier access to it.
"It's okay. I have an idea of what happens. Who is this ToniaJ person that wrote these stories?" Jack headed toward his office to find the perfect punishment to use on the author.
"We don't know who she is. All I was able to find out that she lives in Cardiff," Tosh replied and her eyes widened when Jack came back holding a pair of handcuffs, a fur lined paddle and something that looked like a feather duster.
"I think I have a good idea where to find her," Jack emphasized the last word. "If you hear any screaming just ignore. I'm going to give Tonia some new material to work with." The salacious grin made everyone a bit uneasy. "Ryan's ass is going to be sore for quite some time." Jack winked before he disappeared through the cog doors.
The next day, Ianto moved carefully through the hub, unable to sit down but he and Jack wore matching satisfied grins all day. After lunch Tosh walked in on Jack rubbing aloe on Ianto's backside and quickly retreated before the men noticed her watching.
Three days later a new chapter was posted to ToniaJ's story about Ryan being spanked raw by Jacob and Jacob being brought to climax by a feather tickler.
The End
A/N: This is the Tuggie Jack/Jacob was talking about. Click here
Author: iantojjackh
Summary: When the rift is quiet the team goes stir crazy and a secret is revealed.
Rating: High R, not quite NC-17
Characters/Pairing: Jack/Ianto, the rest of team Torchwood
Spoilers: None
Warning: Some sexually suggestive themes
Notes: Part of the series of the Long Days and Nights of Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones. The series is not posted in chronological order click here for the master list and timeline of the series. Also, this is a fill for longliveiantobingo's Hobbies prompt. Also, fits comment-fic prompt: Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, sex and stories
Here is the cover art for this story
Measuring Tapes Never Lie
Ianto typed furiously at the keyboard, hoping to pass the time as he resigned himself to the tourist office on this cold December day. His method of choice to cure the boredom was to finish the latest chapter of his online romance/pornographic novel featuring General Jacob Hackett and his younger lover Ryan Smith. Of course, Jacob was not a real general; at least not anymore.
Ianto thought this was better than being in the hub with the bored lunatics, better known as his friends/colleagues all lead by the supreme nutcase also known as Ianto's other half. At times like this Ianto liked to think of himself as the better half. A silent rift made the Torchwood denizens stir crazy and by the third day of acquiescing to the whims of everyone else, Ianto began to view his fellow Woodies as escapees of an asylum. Referring to them as Woodies was a clear sign that he was becoming more like Jack everyday. People said the longer a couple are together the more they become alike, but in this case it was only one way. Jack was not becoming like him in the least bit. Hell, he was writing about his and Jack's sexual exploits under a pen name untraceable back to him. The followers of his story even thought he was female, writing under the name ToniaJ.
Ianto liked to blame his life changing blood transfusion three months ago, but he had started writing this story a year ago. So perhaps becoming immortal had not corrupted Ianto's mind as much as he liked to blame that as the turning point. He knew he was just as crazy as the rest, but he did his best to look like the picture of perfect propriety.
Forty minutes later, Ianto was satisfied with his latest creation and he published his latest work to Tonia's online journal.
-------------------TW -------------------TW -------------------TW -------------------
Gwen squealed when she got the email she had been waiting for a very long time. "Tosh, it's here," she called out, drawing odd looks from Jack and Owen. The update to her and Tosh's guilty pleasure had finally arrived.
"What?" Tosh looked up confused until she saw Gwen intently staring at her computer screen. "Oh," her face rounded into a smile as she checked her email. "I thought the next chapter would never come. It's been almost a month since the last chapter. I wonder what took her so long?"
"What are you two talking about?" Jack was looking for anything to cure his boredom and with Ianto in the tourist office that was not going to happen easily.
"A story we are reading," Gwen answered, not looking up from the screen and all but dismissing any other questions.
Owen was interested in what had the women acting like a vapid teenagers. He swore that Myfanwy would fly past them and they would not take notice and he proved that point when he started to read over Tosh's shoulder, an act that usually resulted in him being yelled at.
Owen's mouth hung slightly agape as he read what was on the screen:
Ryan stepped out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist. Beads of water dripped from the young man's wet hair onto his toned chest. The bedroom was too quiet and that only one thing: Jacob was up to no good.
That was confirmed seconds later when a muffled cry and loud crash came from the next room. At first Ryan was concerned, but he found himself stifling a laugh when he saw the predicament Jacob had created for himself.
"Do I even want to know why your dick looks like a candy cane?" Ryan asked with a raised eyebrow.
"It's a Tuggie and now I can't get I off," Jacob winced. "One size fits all doesn't fit me," he looked down at his semi-hard cock which was bulging in its polyester sleeve.
"Does it hurt?" Ryan helped his lover up and his gaze fell to the striped fabric. He fought the temptation to run his fingers down the hard length. There was a slight grin as the tip of the fabric was wet from leakage from Jacob's engorged penis.
Jacob groaned as he got harder under Ryan's lustful gaze.
"Wait! Hold up. What the hell is a Tuggie?" Owen found it hard to believe what he was reading could actually happen or why Gwen and Tosh found this stuff entertaining.
Jack's ears perked up at the question, "It's this kind of sock thing for your penis."
"Why am I not surprised that you know that. Let me guess you own one?" Owen regretted opening the door for one of Jack's incredulous tales.
"Had a bit of problem with it fitting. Ianto had to have it cut off," Jack winced at the memory from less than a week ago. "The Tuggie, not my penis," he added in case there was any confusion.
"Kind of figured. So stuff like this really happens?" Owen shook his head at the screen.
"Like what?" Jack moved behind Gwen and read over her shoulder, his face a mix of emotions. He was not sure if she should be upset or flattered. "Are there more stories like this?"
"Plenty. There are about thirty chapters," Gwen explained, navigating to the table of contents.
"What's Measuring Tapes Never Lie about?" Jack gripped the back of Gwen's chair, gritting his teeth.
"Well...umm...twenty-two centimeters. Sheep measuring tape and lots of hot and steamy moments," Gwen responded feeling quite flustered as she recalled the most erotic chapter to date. After the initial read Gwen found herself in great need of a very long and very cold shower.
"Does it also involve," Jack scanned the document for the names, "Jacob finding Ryan's diary?"
"Yes. You can read the rest for yourself," Gwen pushed away from her computer to give Jack easier access to it.
"It's okay. I have an idea of what happens. Who is this ToniaJ person that wrote these stories?" Jack headed toward his office to find the perfect punishment to use on the author.
"We don't know who she is. All I was able to find out that she lives in Cardiff," Tosh replied and her eyes widened when Jack came back holding a pair of handcuffs, a fur lined paddle and something that looked like a feather duster.
"I think I have a good idea where to find her," Jack emphasized the last word. "If you hear any screaming just ignore. I'm going to give Tonia some new material to work with." The salacious grin made everyone a bit uneasy. "Ryan's ass is going to be sore for quite some time." Jack winked before he disappeared through the cog doors.
The next day, Ianto moved carefully through the hub, unable to sit down but he and Jack wore matching satisfied grins all day. After lunch Tosh walked in on Jack rubbing aloe on Ianto's backside and quickly retreated before the men noticed her watching.
Three days later a new chapter was posted to ToniaJ's story about Ryan being spanked raw by Jacob and Jacob being brought to climax by a feather tickler.
The End
A/N: This is the Tuggie Jack/Jacob was talking about. Click here