Tea-Boy Takes Control
Title: Tea-Boy Takes Control
Author: iantojjackh
Rating: M for adult themes
Pairing/Characters: Jack/Ianto, the whole team makes an appearance
Warning/Spoilers: None
Summary: Ianto grows tired of the annoying habits of his teammates and decides to take control... Or does he? Third in the The Long Days and Nights of Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones series.
Notes: Written for the prompt habits/routines forlongliveianto bingo also came from an old comment_fic prompt- Ianto, and then shall the butlers and teaboys overthrow their overlords and rule the world (or in this case the hub)
Tea-Boy Takes Control
When the team returned to the hub they scratched their heads at the sign taped to the cog door. Not literally, but you get the picture. They were confused at what it was doing there and began to question the sanity of the youngest member of their team. Of course it was written in the distinct and impeccably perfect writing of their favourite archivist. The title of favourite might not hold for much longer because the posting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The One Who Makes the Coffee Rules the Hub AKA Ianto's Rules and Punishments to Make a Harmonious Hub
1. No feeding Myfanwy any foods not on the approved food list which are now posted by her nest. Any infractions will result in the guilty party scrubbing her pen with a toothbrush.
2. You break it, you fix it. Especially when dismantling one thing to fix another. Failure to abide will depend on the infraction.
3. No food or drink and even lube should be bought into the archives. Punishment for breaking this rule will result in losing archive access or sex privileges for a week.
4. Touch the coffee machine and there will be broken fingers (joking...or am I?) and no coffee for all Torchwood employees for three days.
5. Weevils are not kept in the cells for our amusement. Janet does not like seeing a scrawny arse pressed against the glass. Bring drunk is no excuse. Punishment is wearing a pair of chaps with the arse cheek area exposed. Yes, Owen I'm talking about you.
6. Do not leave food in the SUV. Especially anything with peanuts. I may be immortal, but it doesn't make anaphylactic shock any less painful. Unless you want to be doing my job and yours for a week, then you know what is required.
7. The kitchen sink is not to be used to wash out undergarments, especially brassieres and knickers. It is unsanitary and scary to think that someone thinks this is acceptable practices. We have laundry facilities for a reason. Next time this happens, said garments will be sold on eBay to fund future purchases of coffee beans.
8. Never press a button if you are not sure what it does. You will have to clean up the mess you make. It took me a week to get the smell of rotting fish from my hands. I was not happy and neither was Jack.
9. No sneaking up behind me while I'm in the archives. It's hard to hear down there and as Jack and Owen can attest to, I've trained for years in ninjutsu. I cannot be held responsible for any injuries.
10. This is an office and we shall all act like adults. The autopsy bay is the new timeout corner. Snack time will be revoked for childish behaviour.
11. Everyone will write their own reports. Just because the word 'office support' is in my job description it doesn't mean you can push your work onto me. I'm fluent in several languages and if you don't want your report done in other language then do it yourself. However bribery is not beneath me. You just have to come up with a suitable bribe and only one person has come up with an acceptable form of payment.
12. If the door to Jack's office is closed and the shades are drawn, then there is a good reason for it. It's not our fault you saw what you did and you have no right to complain about what you liken to mental scarring.
13. Any questions or problems with these rules, please send an email to im_a_whinger@three.torchwood.uk and it will be answered in the order it was received or in the order of least annoyance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What did you do, Jack?" Owen tore the sign down and slapped it their boss' chest.
"Nothing. Why does it have to be me?" Jack frowned and studied the note, hiding the budding smile.
"I think the message is clear: The one who makes the coffee rules the hub. Do I need to read the rest?" Gwen gave an accusatory glare.
"There are rules directed at all of us," Jack countered and handed the list to Tosh. "You talk to him?" He looked hopeful and offered his most irresistible pout.
"I'm not getting between your domestic. Plus, I don't want want to be put on decaf or worse...instant permanently." Tosh returned the new hub rules back to Jack.
"You've given Ianto too much power and it's gone to to his head. Get him mad and he's your responsibility." Gwen did not want any part of this and she did not want to be punished by Ianto either. Caffeine punishment was almost a death sentence in the hub and bringing in outside coffee will only prolong the punishment. It was hard to go back to normal coffee once you had one of Ianto's special blends.
"Man up, Harkness and deal with the monster you've created," Owen saw the look of fear on Jack's face and started to laugh. "Ianto hits you on both sides, doesn't he? Withholds coffee and sex when you get on his bad side. How often do you get on tea-boy's bad side? The tea-boy has overthrown the master."
"Less than you think," Jack folded the paper and tucked in into his shirt pocket. "I'll talk to Ianto. Why don't you three head home early."
There was no need to say anymore as Owen ran out before Jack could finish his statement and Gwen and Tosh quickly grabbed their purses before Jack changed his mind. None of them wanted to bear witness to what ever was about to happen, going home for the day was the only option.
Once Jack was satisfied everyone was gone, he called out for the devilish Ianto, "You win. You can come out now, Ianto."
"Ianto?" Jacked called out a minute later, after getting no response.
"Right here." The voice appeared almost out of thin air.
The sudden warm breath against his neck and the rough caress of a tongue behind Jack's ear, caused the immortal man to break into a sweat and his heart to race. "Shit. Don't scare me like that." Jack's voice shook with sudden and intense arousal.
"Tell me again how I won?" Ianto whispered, blowing hot air against Jack's sweat moistened skin.
"I never thought you'd really post those rules we made up. Though I think editing them should be grounds for forfeit." Jack said with a slight moan. He swore Ianto purposely punctuated his vowels in an erotic manner just to mess with him and it was working.
"Don't think so, Jack. I won. Time to pay up. I won the bet fair and square. You owe me one full body massage, dinner and you have to clean the hub in that maid outfit. Don't think you are going to get out of this. Failure to pay on the bet will result in harsh penalties."
Ianto was in total control and to demonstrate his power, he slid his hand into the front of Jack's trousers and cupped his hard cock through...well nothing. There was nothing between his trousers and naked skin. "Naughty. Naughty," Ianto purred into Jack's ear.
"Punish away, oh, Master of the Hub." Jack ground his hips against Ianto's soft hand.
"Be bent over your desk in three minutes and have the blindfold and lube ready."
Those were a set of orders Jack would always be willing to obey. And in an attempt to make teacher proud, Jack was a whole half minute early.
Gwen regretted coming back three hours later to pick up the pair of boots she bought earlier in the week and forgot to bring home. There were some things that could never be unseen and she would never look at jelly and whipped cream the same way ever again.