Waiting and Wanting // The Three Column Prompt Challenge
Author: fioreflower
Title: Waiting and Wanting
Challenge: Three Column Prompt Challenge
Date: October 31, 1997
Location: The Owlery at Hogwarts
Object: Rain Cloak
Summary: It's Harry's seventh year and he and Ginny are the best of friends. Best friends who want more out of their relationship. What will it take for the wait to be over?
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Word Count (optional): 4,635
Notes/Warnings: Character death (mentioned, not described)
“Okay team, let’s do this!” Ron Weasley yelled over the pounding of the rain outside the Quidditch changing rooms. It was Halloween and a seemingly never-ending spell of storms had graced the school. Winter had descended upon the castle with all its usual signs: the Great Lake rose, outdoor classes were regularly cancelled, and the Quidditch captains were working their teams harder than ever.
The Gryffindor team in particular was being worked to the bone by their captain, Ron. Many people had been skeptical of Ron’s appointment for the captaincy but he had proven them wrong last year by leading Gryffindor to another Quidditch Cup victory. Things had gone very well for the Gryffindor team. Harry’s lifetime ban had been lifted when Umbridge’s decrees were reviewed and he had been reinstated as seeker. Ginny had taken over Angelina’s place without a hitch and her and Katie worked seamlessly with Natalie MacDonald to form a potent offense. The Beaters, Kirke and Sloper, had been the biggest surprise. They seemed determined to make up for last years dismal showing and had worked hard to improve their game. While not on a level worthy of Fred and George, they were at least able to add to the team rather than subtract from it. And Ron, his confidence spurred on by his dramatic saves against Ravenclaw during fifth year and his choice for the captaincy, quickly turned into a dominant keeper.
All in all, things for the Gryffindor Quidditch team had gone very well last year. They had shocked many people, students and professors alike, with their dominant performance. Despite last year’s success, Ron had not let up on training sessions in the least.
“This is our last practice before the big game tomorrow! Let’s make it good! You know the drill. Katie, Ginny, Natalie: try to score on me - if you can,” he added with a cocky grin. “Use whatever play you want. We know them all well enough by now. Kirke, Sloper: hit at all of us. Don’t go easy! Harry: just catch the snitch. And don’t kill yourself in a dive! Let’s go!”
Ron led the way out of the changing room, broomstick over his shoulder. The rest of the team followed and were instantly drenched the moment they stepped onto the pitch.
“Ron!” Ginny yelled over the pounding of the rain. “Do we have to practice in this weather? We’re going to drown, I swear.”
“Suck it up, sis!” Ron shouted back. “We play Slytherin tomorrow and the rain might not let up. We need to be prepared to fly in all conditions!”
Ginny rolled her eyes and grudgingly mounted her broom. She took off and squinted through the downpour, looking for the goalposts. Soon her teammates were in the air with her and the practice began in earnest.
The Chasers weaved in and out of each other’s paths in complicated rolls and dives, their practice robes a deep maroon from the sheets of rain. Ron darted from hoop to hoop, saving more shots than he let through. The Beaters hit the Bludgers furiously, providing no reprieve for the other players. Harry, however, floated slowly in the air lost in thought, only giving effort to dodge an occasional bludger. The other players left him alone, well aware of the significance of the day.
Practice continued for some time until Ron declared them ready for the game. He was not worried about Harry; despite the horrible practice session he knew his friend would be ready come game time. The team headed back for the changing rooms, where Ron’s next order was to pig out at the Halloween feast.
As everyone hung back to try to towel the water out of their robes, Ron made his way over to Harry. Harry was standing in front of his locker, looking just as preoccupied as he had out on the pitch.
“Harry, are you alright?” Ron asked
Ron’s question seemed to snap Harry out of his trance. He looked quickly at Ron before glancing away and replying tonelessly, “yeah.” He stared determinately at the ground in front of his feet and provided no further answer.
Ron hesitated for a moment, deciding whether or not to push the issue, and then spoke tentatively. “You just…ah…seemed a little…off up there...” He gestured vaguely in the direction of the pitch, keeping his eyes fixed on Harry.
“I’m fine, okay!” Harry shouted suddenly, cutting Ron off. Ron took a step back and looked nervously at Harry.
“Sorry…I just…”
“Well don’t!” Harry said with finality, his eyes blazing. He turned on his heel stormed out of the changing room, pushing the door open with much more force than was strictly necessary.
Silence fell over the team as the door slammed shut loudly. Kirke and Sloper looked at each other quickly, then grabbed their stuff. “Uh…good practice, Ron. We’ll be ready for the game.”
They exited hastily, closely followed by Natalie. Katie looked between Ron and Ginny, then she too gathered up her stuff and left.
“What did I do?” Ron asked Ginny once the changing room was empty. When Ginny opened her mouth to speak with a pitying expression, he hastily added, “I mean, I know what day it is…but I thought maybe I should just ask. He looked pretty out of it…”
“Yeah, he did.” They both simultaneously looked toward the door where Harry had disappeared moments before.
“What should we do?” Ron asked. “Should we let him be…or talk to him?”
“I’ll go talk to him,” Ginny said decisively.
This statement was not out of the ordinary, as it would have been a couple of years ago. Ginny and Harry had become close friends after Sirius’ death when she alone had been able to pull him out of his funk. That summer had been very rough, but they struggled through it together.
It had been bad right from the start when Voldemort decided to welcome in summer with attacks on muggle London. Due to this increased Death Eater activity, Order members had not had enough time to secure the wards around the Burrow so Harry was forced to return to Number 12 Grimmauld Place. He went despondently, overwhelmed by the collection of emotions inside him. Grief over Sirius. Guilt for his friend’s injuries. Hatred of Bellatrix, Voldemort, Snape, Dumbledore, anyone. Hopelessness for the future. Shock from the prophecy. Futility from his inability to use magic. They bottled up inside him until he could no longer take it. He was forced to confront them but he shied away, bottling them all up inside dangerously.
And so he had come to Grimmauld Place, a shell of a human. Ron and Hermione were wary of him. They wanted to help but were afraid of what would happen if they got the stopper off the bottle of Harry’s emotions. Their forced smiles and cheery suggestions made Harry retreat even further into himself. Ginny, for her part, tried not to treat Harry like a little child. She knew what that was like and she hated it with a passion. So when she found Hermione crying in her room one day because of Harry’s indifference, she had finally cracked and set out to give him a piece of her mind.
Ginny used many insults on that day, “selfish git” and “ungrateful prat” being some of the more pleasant and uncreative ones. Harry had stood there and taken her abuse while Ginny yelled herself hoarse. By the end, Ginny had tears streaming down her face. Harry still stood immobile in front of her. Seeing his unresponsiveness, Ginny had turned on her heel and made for the door. Her progress had been halted, however, by a quiet sound from behind her. “You’re right.”
Those two simple words had completely thrown her. She turned in shock to stare at Harry. He was looking at the ground, scuffing his trainer nervously against the threadbare rug. “I…I mean,” he continued, “I guess I’ve been a bit of a prat.”
To which she replied incredulously, “A bit of a prat?”
Harry then cracked a tiny smile and looked up into her eyes. “Er…yeah.”
It was then that Ginny knew he would be alright. She had gently wrapped him in her arms and squeezed tightly. Harry had been rigid in her embrace until slowly, ever so slowly, she felt him adjust to the newfound contact and bring his arms up around her. Neither knew how long they stayed that way, only that it was what Harry needed and what Ginny could give.
Something had changed during that moment and they became almost inseparable. Ginny had placed her repressed feelings for Harry out of the way and focused on being the best possible friend to him. They stayed up late playing games and chatting, and Harry got to know the real Ginny. The real Ginny was not a shy, blushing schoolgirl. She was confident, mature, feisty, caring, and intelligent. The more he got to know her, the more he gravitated toward her.
When Ginny had accepted the responsibility of pulling Harry out of his slump, she had recognized that pursuing any type of relationship was out of the question, at least for the time being. She had made a promise to herself that her she would not let her feelings for him affect their relationship in any way. This promise, however, became increasingly difficult to keep as she spent more and more time with him.
And so their relationship had proceeded. Ginny gave support and repressed her feelings. But in the process, Harry had sorted through all of his bottled up emotions and was shocked to find feelings beyond friendship for Ginny in the mix. He was so surprised by this discovery that he had avoided Ginny. This lasted for nearly a day and a half before she sought him out, asked him what his problem was, and stomped away swearing upon receiving no answer. Harry had quickly calculated that possibilities and come to the conclusion that her friendship meant the world to him. So he took off down the hallway after her and placated her. It was then that Harry too began the complicated process of disguising his more-than-friendly feelings.
Harry’s sixth year and the summer after had proceeded in this manner. Each wanted something more but neither would take the risk. They were best friends who each had a huge secret. So now, unlike previous years, it was quite normal for Ginny to comfort Harry when he was in a mood.
Back in the present, Ginny gathered her things from the changing room and set off after Harry with a quick “see you, Ron.”
She knew exactly where he was headed. When Harry wanted to talk but was unable to seek her out he often took refuge in the Owlery with Hedwig. When he just wanted to be alone he sat on the roof of the Owlery (accessed through a secret passage) and watched the owls swooping around. Ginny was pretty sure she would find Harry in the Owlery because of the horrific weather, although sometimes there was no telling with that boy.
“Ginny, wait!” A voice from behind halted her progress toward the castle. Ginny turned to see Ron struggling through the mud puddles, a bundle of fabric clutched in his hand. “Harry didn’t take his rain cloak. It’s going to be pretty wet if he’s on the roof.”
“Thanks,” Ginny said, smiling up at her brother. He too knew Harry’s sulking spots and Ginny felt proud of her brother for being so thoughtful.
“Good luck,” Ron added as Ginny turned away again, Harry’s rain cloak tucked securely under her arm.
*~*~*
Harry pushed his dripping hair out of his face and slumped down against the Owlery wall, his breath coming in sharp pants. The rain fell heavier than ever from above, thundering down on the ceiling. Harry took no notice and remained in the same position, looking up into the rafters for Hedwig. As if sensing her master’s gaze, the snowy owl left her perch and swooped down onto Harry’s shoulder.
Hedwig hooted softly and gripped Harry’s shoulder lightly with her talons, providing silent companionship. Harry stroked Hedwig’s feathers absentmindedly and sighed, his brain working in overdrive.
His feelings were so jumbled that sorting through them seemed like an insurmountable task. He had no idea why he had reacted so violently to Ron’s statement; it was true after all - he had been flying horribly. But that wasn’t all that was bothering him. It was the day - October 31. Halloween and Harry Potter did not have a good history together. Sixteen years ago Voldemort had murdered his parents and marked him, forever changing his life. Six years ago a mountain troll had nearly killed him, Hermione, Ron. Five years ago Ginny had been drawn under Tom Riddle’s power and the attacks had started. Three years ago he had been deceived and chosen as a Champion. And last year Remus Lupin, the last link to his parents, had been murdered. No, Halloween was not a happy holiday for Harry Potter.
Ginny entered the Owlery to find a drenched Harry sitting against the wall, his head resting on his drawn up knees. Hedwig hooted softly as she entered and returned to her perch, sensing that her master was in good hands. Ginny’s heart broke a little more as she looked at Harry’s hunched form.
“Harry,” she said softly to get his attention.
“Huh?” He looked up, clearly startled by her intrusion into his wallowing. “Oh, er hi Gin.”
She walked slowly over to him and held the rain cloak out. “Ron said to give this to you, although I’m not sure how much good it’ll do now.” She looked doubtfully between the cloak and Harry’s soggy robes, offering up a weak smile. “But, uh, in case you need it later…”
“Thanks.” To her surprise, Harry took the cloak from her outstretched hand and wrapped it around himself. Even after all his years at Hogwarts it still seemed strange to Harry to have people who genuinely cared about him. Even though the cloak was not effective at keeping him dry it did vanquish some of the dark thoughts he’s been having. He had people that cared for him, however undeserving he thought he was of their concern. This last thought, however, immediately made him feel guilty for snapping at Ron.
“Thanks,” he reiterated, looking into Ginny’s eyes before quickly glancing away. He didn’t want her to know how much the rain cloak meant to him, it was such a silly thing.
Ginny, however, refused to let Harry remain shy. She sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Harry stiffened at first but quickly relaxed into the contact by draping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer.
The first time Ginny had comforted him, she had been surprised at how tense he was in response to her touch. She had known, of course, that his relatives were unaffectionate, but she had not expected him to be so ill at ease. The fact that Harry, who was one of the most caring people she knew, had been so bereft of physical comfort hardened Ginny’s resolve to be there for him, no matter what. She had taken it upon herself to make him more relaxed at her touches. It had been slow at first - a quick squeeze of his hand, a pat on the arm - but she had progressed to long hugs. Ginny had felt her heart swell the first time Harry reached out for her when he was hurting. Their touches were completely innocent even though each wanted more.
They sat that way for some time as the rain continued to thunder down outside. After awhile - neither was sure how long had passed - Ginny sensed that Harry was ready to speak.
“I’m just…I don’t know why I lost it,” Harry said staring straight ahead. “I mean…today’s not been a good day for me.” They both knew he was talking about every October 31 in the past seventeen years, not merely the present one. He hastily added, “I…er...I mean, that’s not an excuse, I just…”
“It’s alright, Harry,” Ginny soothed, tightening her grip around his shoulders.
They were silent for some time longer until Ginny offered some encouragement. “I’m here to listen if you want to…er…lay down your thoughts.”
That was something she had found helped Harry immensely. He often had hundreds of different thoughts running around his head with no idea how to group them. If he just talked, Ginny could listen and help him organize them in a way that made sense. Of course, getting him to speak was the hard part, but once he got started, he could go on for awhile.
“Remember what Ron said? He said I ‘seemed a little off.’ You know why I seemed off? Because I wasn’t doing anything!” Harry nearly shouted the last sentence, then sighed and grasped her hand in his. “It’s like the war. I’m not doing anything . I should be out there - fighting. But I’m not. I’m stuck inside, doing nothing.”
“But there’s not anything you can do right now, Harry.”
“I feel like…like the world’s rushing by…and I’m just standing still. He’s out there, Ginny. He’s gaining power and support; I can tell. I can fell it.” Harry tapped his scar meaningfully. “How can I match that? I can’t! I’m here, learning about why not to mix dragon scales and toadstools in a potion and…and how to turn my hand into a cat’s paw. I’m not doing anything useful and I have to match him! No, I can’t just match him. I have to be better . And I can’t even keep up!”
“You’re not alone, Harry. You don’t have to do this by yourself. The Order’s working too and…”
“The Order,” Harry spat out, “can’t help me. It comes down to me in the end Ginny, just me. The Order can’t kill him. I have to. I have to kill him.”
“I know, Harry, I know. But we’re going to be there with you. I’m going to be there with you.”
Harry swallowed the lump forming in his throat. There it was again. All these people caring for him, risking their lives.
Ginny studied his profile carefully. “That’s not all, is it? There’s more?”
“Yeah…I guess Ron’s comment just set me off. It’s been a bad day.”
Here Harry paused and Ginny waited patiently for him to elaborate. He took a deep breath and Ginny reached up to push his wet hair out of his face. She traced his jaw gently before letting her hand fall back into his.
Harry took a shaky breath then continued. “At practice, I was thinking about what life could have been like if all this hadn’t happened.” Ginny squeezed his hand tightly. “I mean…what if Voldemort hadn’t killed my parents? What if I had a family and I wasn’t marked and I had a normal life? What if Sirius and Remus were still alive? It’s not fair!” he burst out. “Why can’t all that be true? I just…I wish…”
Harry blinked furiously but a few traitorous tears slipped down his cheeks. He reached up to furiously swipe them away, but Ginny caught his hand. She gently rubbed them away with the pad of her thumb, shifting so she was sitting in front of him. She took Harry’s head in her hands, forcing him to look at her as she spoke softly.
“They’re just ‘what ifs,’ Harry. What if I had never gotten Tom Riddle’s diary? What if he never controlled me? We can’t go back and change the past. This is how it is and we just have to do our best. It’s hard, but you can’t let this…desire eat away at you.”
“‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live,’” Harry whispered with a far away look in his eyes.
“What?”
Harry shook his head as if to clear it. “Just…just something Dumbledore told me once.”
“It makes sense, Harry. There are so many things we want but can’t have. We have to focus on what we can do and do have. We have to―”
“That was in my first year…when Dumbledore told me that.”
Ginny was a little miffed that he had cut her off but she settled back on her heels to listen to him. She took both of his hands in hers and squeezed them as encouragement.
“I had just found the Mirror of Erised.” Seeing her confused expression, he clarified. “It’s a mirror that shows you your…er…deepest desire instead of your reflection. I saw…I saw myself with my parents and relatives. I spent whole nights there, Ginny. Just sitting in front of the mirror…staring into it. One night Dumbledore found me and he told me that ‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.’ I’ve always remembered him saying that…I guess I just lost sight of the meaning.”
Ginny reached up to run her fingers through his hair again, finding that he quite liked this motion. She was touched that he had shared this personal story with her. Harry did not open up easily.
He opened his mouth to continue but paused as her hand once again began to trace his face. When he did speak, he startled her with a question.
“So…if you were to look into the mirror, what would you see?” Seeing her surprised expression, he continued. “I mean, you said ‘what if Voldemort never possessed you’ before. Is that what you’d want?”
Ginny considered the question for a moment before responding decisively. “No.”
“No?”
“No. It was horrible and I obviously wouldn’t want it to happen again, but it changed me. It made me grow up…and it let me see the real you.”
“The real me?”
“Yeah. Before…before I made you out to be some kind of fairy tale prince. I didn’t know the real you, only that you were my hero.” Harry blushed and tried to look away, but Ginny’s hands held his head in place. She looked into his eyes. “The real you is brave and loyal and fun to be around. You care so much about everyone, even the people who hurt you. You’re funny and smart, but only when you want to be, you have this mischievous streak, and you’re incredibly determined. You’re a great friend, you’re passionate and talented and…oh Harry. The real you is much, much better than my imaginary Harry.”
Ginny’s eyes were locked on Harry’s the whole time she was speaking. She had been gradually moving closer and closer to Harry so that their noses were inches apart by the time she finished. They held each other’s gaze for a moment, each searching the other’s eyes desperately for something, some clue. Finally Ginny found what she was looking for and tilted her head to press her lips against his, hoping against hope that she was not wrong.
Harry’s eyes fluttered closed as he pressed back lightly, bringing his hands up to wrap around her and pull her closer. Ginny’s hands moved to his back as she began to experimentally move her lips over his. As Harry did the same, she was rewarded with a calming warmth spreading through her, successfully banishing all dark thoughts and chilliness from the weather.
When they were finally forced to come up for air, Ginny buried her face against Harry’s neck. She took a deep breath of his scent and sighed contentedly. Harry’s hands massaged her back, making her feel safe and at home. To Harry, having Ginny in his arms felt incredible. Her presence was reassuring and he took comfort in her warmth.
The moment was spoiled when they both simultaneously realized what they had done. Harry stiffened and Ginny pulled back, blushing furiously and looking anywhere but Harry. He cleared his throat nervously as Ginny removed herself from his arms.
Finally Harry broke the silence. “What…er…what just happened?”
Instead of stating the obvious, Ginny responded with her own question. “Do you…do you regret it?” she asked nervously, dreading the answer yet waiting for it with bated breath.
Harry took a deep breath, steadying himself. “No, I don’t.” Ginny felt dizzy with happiness and fought the urge to dance with joy. Harry didn’t regret the kiss! The silence, however, worried Harry. He couldn’t see the huge smile spreading over Ginny’s face because he still refused to look at her. What if Ginny regretted it? He couldn’t live with that. Harry voiced his fear. “Do…do you?”
“No! Not at all!” Harry whipped his head around to look at Ginny, breaking into a huge grin of his own.
“No?”
“No!”
They grinned stupidly at each other for another moment before Ginny leaned in to kiss Harry again. They shared several more kisses before breaking apart, still in each other’s arms.
“I thought you got over me.”
“I tried…I really tried. But it didn’t work.”
“I’m glad.”
Ginny let out a small laugh. She felt as light as air; like she could float away from exhilaration and pure joy. “I thought you’d never like me.”
“Never? How could I not?”
“How long?” Ginny asked.
“Since that summer…after Sirius…”
Ginny was prepared to ask another question but Harry beat her to it.
“I want to show you something. Will you come?”
He did not wait for an answer before standing up and holding out his hand to her.
“Sure.” The schoolgirl inside of her giggled. An adventure! She did not care that she was missing the Halloween feast. This was way better! She took his hand and followed him out of the Owlery.
Harry led her midway down the stairway to the Owlery, then stopped. He pulled out his wand and touched it to the torch bracket, muttering something indistinguishable. The wall seemed to fade, stone by stone, until it was nothing more than a transparent sheet. They walked though together and then continued up a narrow staircase. At the top, Harry pushed open a trapdoor, climbed up, and pulled Ginny through.
Ginny immediately moved closer to Harry, feeling disoriented - they were on top of the school! Although the roof was not very steep, it was still a long way down. Harry led her over to a spot where the tiles had been smoothed down. The rain was not coming down as hard now - it was sprinkling instead of pouring. Neither minded the drizzles after being completely soaked during Quidditch practice.
Without a word, Harry took off his rain cloak and laid it on the ground, outside down, to give them a dry place to sit. Ginny snuggled into Harry’s side, feeling extremely content.
Even though Ginny knew Harry disappeared to the roof to be alone, she had never actually been up the secret passage. She felt honored that he would share his special place with her.
“I know it doesn’t seem like much,” Harry said, breaking the silence. “But when the sky’s clear, you can see all the stars. I look at Sirius’ star a lot. It…it feels like he’s watching over me.”
Harry blushed as he said the last part. Ginny leaned over to give him a kiss, touched at what he had just revealed. She could get used to this new step in their relationship!
They sat that way for a long time, the rain misting down around them. No more needed to be said about their relationship. Each had been waiting for the other and now that their feelings were out in the open there were no more barriers between them. In some way, they had always known that they would be together. Now the wait was over.
*~*~*
A/N: Now we just need the wait for HBP to be over - less than a month to go! This is the first fanfic I've ever written, so constructive criticism is definitely welcome.
Title: Waiting and Wanting
Challenge: Three Column Prompt Challenge
Date: October 31, 1997
Location: The Owlery at Hogwarts
Object: Rain Cloak
Summary: It's Harry's seventh year and he and Ginny are the best of friends. Best friends who want more out of their relationship. What will it take for the wait to be over?
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Word Count (optional): 4,635
Notes/Warnings: Character death (mentioned, not described)
“Okay team, let’s do this!” Ron Weasley yelled over the pounding of the rain outside the Quidditch changing rooms. It was Halloween and a seemingly never-ending spell of storms had graced the school. Winter had descended upon the castle with all its usual signs: the Great Lake rose, outdoor classes were regularly cancelled, and the Quidditch captains were working their teams harder than ever.
The Gryffindor team in particular was being worked to the bone by their captain, Ron. Many people had been skeptical of Ron’s appointment for the captaincy but he had proven them wrong last year by leading Gryffindor to another Quidditch Cup victory. Things had gone very well for the Gryffindor team. Harry’s lifetime ban had been lifted when Umbridge’s decrees were reviewed and he had been reinstated as seeker. Ginny had taken over Angelina’s place without a hitch and her and Katie worked seamlessly with Natalie MacDonald to form a potent offense. The Beaters, Kirke and Sloper, had been the biggest surprise. They seemed determined to make up for last years dismal showing and had worked hard to improve their game. While not on a level worthy of Fred and George, they were at least able to add to the team rather than subtract from it. And Ron, his confidence spurred on by his dramatic saves against Ravenclaw during fifth year and his choice for the captaincy, quickly turned into a dominant keeper.
All in all, things for the Gryffindor Quidditch team had gone very well last year. They had shocked many people, students and professors alike, with their dominant performance. Despite last year’s success, Ron had not let up on training sessions in the least.
“This is our last practice before the big game tomorrow! Let’s make it good! You know the drill. Katie, Ginny, Natalie: try to score on me - if you can,” he added with a cocky grin. “Use whatever play you want. We know them all well enough by now. Kirke, Sloper: hit at all of us. Don’t go easy! Harry: just catch the snitch. And don’t kill yourself in a dive! Let’s go!”
Ron led the way out of the changing room, broomstick over his shoulder. The rest of the team followed and were instantly drenched the moment they stepped onto the pitch.
“Ron!” Ginny yelled over the pounding of the rain. “Do we have to practice in this weather? We’re going to drown, I swear.”
“Suck it up, sis!” Ron shouted back. “We play Slytherin tomorrow and the rain might not let up. We need to be prepared to fly in all conditions!”
Ginny rolled her eyes and grudgingly mounted her broom. She took off and squinted through the downpour, looking for the goalposts. Soon her teammates were in the air with her and the practice began in earnest.
The Chasers weaved in and out of each other’s paths in complicated rolls and dives, their practice robes a deep maroon from the sheets of rain. Ron darted from hoop to hoop, saving more shots than he let through. The Beaters hit the Bludgers furiously, providing no reprieve for the other players. Harry, however, floated slowly in the air lost in thought, only giving effort to dodge an occasional bludger. The other players left him alone, well aware of the significance of the day.
Practice continued for some time until Ron declared them ready for the game. He was not worried about Harry; despite the horrible practice session he knew his friend would be ready come game time. The team headed back for the changing rooms, where Ron’s next order was to pig out at the Halloween feast.
As everyone hung back to try to towel the water out of their robes, Ron made his way over to Harry. Harry was standing in front of his locker, looking just as preoccupied as he had out on the pitch.
“Harry, are you alright?” Ron asked
Ron’s question seemed to snap Harry out of his trance. He looked quickly at Ron before glancing away and replying tonelessly, “yeah.” He stared determinately at the ground in front of his feet and provided no further answer.
Ron hesitated for a moment, deciding whether or not to push the issue, and then spoke tentatively. “You just…ah…seemed a little…off up there...” He gestured vaguely in the direction of the pitch, keeping his eyes fixed on Harry.
“I’m fine, okay!” Harry shouted suddenly, cutting Ron off. Ron took a step back and looked nervously at Harry.
“Sorry…I just…”
“Well don’t!” Harry said with finality, his eyes blazing. He turned on his heel stormed out of the changing room, pushing the door open with much more force than was strictly necessary.
Silence fell over the team as the door slammed shut loudly. Kirke and Sloper looked at each other quickly, then grabbed their stuff. “Uh…good practice, Ron. We’ll be ready for the game.”
They exited hastily, closely followed by Natalie. Katie looked between Ron and Ginny, then she too gathered up her stuff and left.
“What did I do?” Ron asked Ginny once the changing room was empty. When Ginny opened her mouth to speak with a pitying expression, he hastily added, “I mean, I know what day it is…but I thought maybe I should just ask. He looked pretty out of it…”
“Yeah, he did.” They both simultaneously looked toward the door where Harry had disappeared moments before.
“What should we do?” Ron asked. “Should we let him be…or talk to him?”
“I’ll go talk to him,” Ginny said decisively.
This statement was not out of the ordinary, as it would have been a couple of years ago. Ginny and Harry had become close friends after Sirius’ death when she alone had been able to pull him out of his funk. That summer had been very rough, but they struggled through it together.
It had been bad right from the start when Voldemort decided to welcome in summer with attacks on muggle London. Due to this increased Death Eater activity, Order members had not had enough time to secure the wards around the Burrow so Harry was forced to return to Number 12 Grimmauld Place. He went despondently, overwhelmed by the collection of emotions inside him. Grief over Sirius. Guilt for his friend’s injuries. Hatred of Bellatrix, Voldemort, Snape, Dumbledore, anyone. Hopelessness for the future. Shock from the prophecy. Futility from his inability to use magic. They bottled up inside him until he could no longer take it. He was forced to confront them but he shied away, bottling them all up inside dangerously.
And so he had come to Grimmauld Place, a shell of a human. Ron and Hermione were wary of him. They wanted to help but were afraid of what would happen if they got the stopper off the bottle of Harry’s emotions. Their forced smiles and cheery suggestions made Harry retreat even further into himself. Ginny, for her part, tried not to treat Harry like a little child. She knew what that was like and she hated it with a passion. So when she found Hermione crying in her room one day because of Harry’s indifference, she had finally cracked and set out to give him a piece of her mind.
Ginny used many insults on that day, “selfish git” and “ungrateful prat” being some of the more pleasant and uncreative ones. Harry had stood there and taken her abuse while Ginny yelled herself hoarse. By the end, Ginny had tears streaming down her face. Harry still stood immobile in front of her. Seeing his unresponsiveness, Ginny had turned on her heel and made for the door. Her progress had been halted, however, by a quiet sound from behind her. “You’re right.”
Those two simple words had completely thrown her. She turned in shock to stare at Harry. He was looking at the ground, scuffing his trainer nervously against the threadbare rug. “I…I mean,” he continued, “I guess I’ve been a bit of a prat.”
To which she replied incredulously, “A bit of a prat?”
Harry then cracked a tiny smile and looked up into her eyes. “Er…yeah.”
It was then that Ginny knew he would be alright. She had gently wrapped him in her arms and squeezed tightly. Harry had been rigid in her embrace until slowly, ever so slowly, she felt him adjust to the newfound contact and bring his arms up around her. Neither knew how long they stayed that way, only that it was what Harry needed and what Ginny could give.
Something had changed during that moment and they became almost inseparable. Ginny had placed her repressed feelings for Harry out of the way and focused on being the best possible friend to him. They stayed up late playing games and chatting, and Harry got to know the real Ginny. The real Ginny was not a shy, blushing schoolgirl. She was confident, mature, feisty, caring, and intelligent. The more he got to know her, the more he gravitated toward her.
When Ginny had accepted the responsibility of pulling Harry out of his slump, she had recognized that pursuing any type of relationship was out of the question, at least for the time being. She had made a promise to herself that her she would not let her feelings for him affect their relationship in any way. This promise, however, became increasingly difficult to keep as she spent more and more time with him.
And so their relationship had proceeded. Ginny gave support and repressed her feelings. But in the process, Harry had sorted through all of his bottled up emotions and was shocked to find feelings beyond friendship for Ginny in the mix. He was so surprised by this discovery that he had avoided Ginny. This lasted for nearly a day and a half before she sought him out, asked him what his problem was, and stomped away swearing upon receiving no answer. Harry had quickly calculated that possibilities and come to the conclusion that her friendship meant the world to him. So he took off down the hallway after her and placated her. It was then that Harry too began the complicated process of disguising his more-than-friendly feelings.
Harry’s sixth year and the summer after had proceeded in this manner. Each wanted something more but neither would take the risk. They were best friends who each had a huge secret. So now, unlike previous years, it was quite normal for Ginny to comfort Harry when he was in a mood.
Back in the present, Ginny gathered her things from the changing room and set off after Harry with a quick “see you, Ron.”
She knew exactly where he was headed. When Harry wanted to talk but was unable to seek her out he often took refuge in the Owlery with Hedwig. When he just wanted to be alone he sat on the roof of the Owlery (accessed through a secret passage) and watched the owls swooping around. Ginny was pretty sure she would find Harry in the Owlery because of the horrific weather, although sometimes there was no telling with that boy.
“Ginny, wait!” A voice from behind halted her progress toward the castle. Ginny turned to see Ron struggling through the mud puddles, a bundle of fabric clutched in his hand. “Harry didn’t take his rain cloak. It’s going to be pretty wet if he’s on the roof.”
“Thanks,” Ginny said, smiling up at her brother. He too knew Harry’s sulking spots and Ginny felt proud of her brother for being so thoughtful.
“Good luck,” Ron added as Ginny turned away again, Harry’s rain cloak tucked securely under her arm.
*~*~*
Harry pushed his dripping hair out of his face and slumped down against the Owlery wall, his breath coming in sharp pants. The rain fell heavier than ever from above, thundering down on the ceiling. Harry took no notice and remained in the same position, looking up into the rafters for Hedwig. As if sensing her master’s gaze, the snowy owl left her perch and swooped down onto Harry’s shoulder.
Hedwig hooted softly and gripped Harry’s shoulder lightly with her talons, providing silent companionship. Harry stroked Hedwig’s feathers absentmindedly and sighed, his brain working in overdrive.
His feelings were so jumbled that sorting through them seemed like an insurmountable task. He had no idea why he had reacted so violently to Ron’s statement; it was true after all - he had been flying horribly. But that wasn’t all that was bothering him. It was the day - October 31. Halloween and Harry Potter did not have a good history together. Sixteen years ago Voldemort had murdered his parents and marked him, forever changing his life. Six years ago a mountain troll had nearly killed him, Hermione, Ron. Five years ago Ginny had been drawn under Tom Riddle’s power and the attacks had started. Three years ago he had been deceived and chosen as a Champion. And last year Remus Lupin, the last link to his parents, had been murdered. No, Halloween was not a happy holiday for Harry Potter.
Ginny entered the Owlery to find a drenched Harry sitting against the wall, his head resting on his drawn up knees. Hedwig hooted softly as she entered and returned to her perch, sensing that her master was in good hands. Ginny’s heart broke a little more as she looked at Harry’s hunched form.
“Harry,” she said softly to get his attention.
“Huh?” He looked up, clearly startled by her intrusion into his wallowing. “Oh, er hi Gin.”
She walked slowly over to him and held the rain cloak out. “Ron said to give this to you, although I’m not sure how much good it’ll do now.” She looked doubtfully between the cloak and Harry’s soggy robes, offering up a weak smile. “But, uh, in case you need it later…”
“Thanks.” To her surprise, Harry took the cloak from her outstretched hand and wrapped it around himself. Even after all his years at Hogwarts it still seemed strange to Harry to have people who genuinely cared about him. Even though the cloak was not effective at keeping him dry it did vanquish some of the dark thoughts he’s been having. He had people that cared for him, however undeserving he thought he was of their concern. This last thought, however, immediately made him feel guilty for snapping at Ron.
“Thanks,” he reiterated, looking into Ginny’s eyes before quickly glancing away. He didn’t want her to know how much the rain cloak meant to him, it was such a silly thing.
Ginny, however, refused to let Harry remain shy. She sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Harry stiffened at first but quickly relaxed into the contact by draping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer.
The first time Ginny had comforted him, she had been surprised at how tense he was in response to her touch. She had known, of course, that his relatives were unaffectionate, but she had not expected him to be so ill at ease. The fact that Harry, who was one of the most caring people she knew, had been so bereft of physical comfort hardened Ginny’s resolve to be there for him, no matter what. She had taken it upon herself to make him more relaxed at her touches. It had been slow at first - a quick squeeze of his hand, a pat on the arm - but she had progressed to long hugs. Ginny had felt her heart swell the first time Harry reached out for her when he was hurting. Their touches were completely innocent even though each wanted more.
They sat that way for some time as the rain continued to thunder down outside. After awhile - neither was sure how long had passed - Ginny sensed that Harry was ready to speak.
“I’m just…I don’t know why I lost it,” Harry said staring straight ahead. “I mean…today’s not been a good day for me.” They both knew he was talking about every October 31 in the past seventeen years, not merely the present one. He hastily added, “I…er...I mean, that’s not an excuse, I just…”
“It’s alright, Harry,” Ginny soothed, tightening her grip around his shoulders.
They were silent for some time longer until Ginny offered some encouragement. “I’m here to listen if you want to…er…lay down your thoughts.”
That was something she had found helped Harry immensely. He often had hundreds of different thoughts running around his head with no idea how to group them. If he just talked, Ginny could listen and help him organize them in a way that made sense. Of course, getting him to speak was the hard part, but once he got started, he could go on for awhile.
“Remember what Ron said? He said I ‘seemed a little off.’ You know why I seemed off? Because I wasn’t doing anything!” Harry nearly shouted the last sentence, then sighed and grasped her hand in his. “It’s like the war. I’m not doing anything . I should be out there - fighting. But I’m not. I’m stuck inside, doing nothing.”
“But there’s not anything you can do right now, Harry.”
“I feel like…like the world’s rushing by…and I’m just standing still. He’s out there, Ginny. He’s gaining power and support; I can tell. I can fell it.” Harry tapped his scar meaningfully. “How can I match that? I can’t! I’m here, learning about why not to mix dragon scales and toadstools in a potion and…and how to turn my hand into a cat’s paw. I’m not doing anything useful and I have to match him! No, I can’t just match him. I have to be better . And I can’t even keep up!”
“You’re not alone, Harry. You don’t have to do this by yourself. The Order’s working too and…”
“The Order,” Harry spat out, “can’t help me. It comes down to me in the end Ginny, just me. The Order can’t kill him. I have to. I have to kill him.”
“I know, Harry, I know. But we’re going to be there with you. I’m going to be there with you.”
Harry swallowed the lump forming in his throat. There it was again. All these people caring for him, risking their lives.
Ginny studied his profile carefully. “That’s not all, is it? There’s more?”
“Yeah…I guess Ron’s comment just set me off. It’s been a bad day.”
Here Harry paused and Ginny waited patiently for him to elaborate. He took a deep breath and Ginny reached up to push his wet hair out of his face. She traced his jaw gently before letting her hand fall back into his.
Harry took a shaky breath then continued. “At practice, I was thinking about what life could have been like if all this hadn’t happened.” Ginny squeezed his hand tightly. “I mean…what if Voldemort hadn’t killed my parents? What if I had a family and I wasn’t marked and I had a normal life? What if Sirius and Remus were still alive? It’s not fair!” he burst out. “Why can’t all that be true? I just…I wish…”
Harry blinked furiously but a few traitorous tears slipped down his cheeks. He reached up to furiously swipe them away, but Ginny caught his hand. She gently rubbed them away with the pad of her thumb, shifting so she was sitting in front of him. She took Harry’s head in her hands, forcing him to look at her as she spoke softly.
“They’re just ‘what ifs,’ Harry. What if I had never gotten Tom Riddle’s diary? What if he never controlled me? We can’t go back and change the past. This is how it is and we just have to do our best. It’s hard, but you can’t let this…desire eat away at you.”
“‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live,’” Harry whispered with a far away look in his eyes.
“What?”
Harry shook his head as if to clear it. “Just…just something Dumbledore told me once.”
“It makes sense, Harry. There are so many things we want but can’t have. We have to focus on what we can do and do have. We have to―”
“That was in my first year…when Dumbledore told me that.”
Ginny was a little miffed that he had cut her off but she settled back on her heels to listen to him. She took both of his hands in hers and squeezed them as encouragement.
“I had just found the Mirror of Erised.” Seeing her confused expression, he clarified. “It’s a mirror that shows you your…er…deepest desire instead of your reflection. I saw…I saw myself with my parents and relatives. I spent whole nights there, Ginny. Just sitting in front of the mirror…staring into it. One night Dumbledore found me and he told me that ‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.’ I’ve always remembered him saying that…I guess I just lost sight of the meaning.”
Ginny reached up to run her fingers through his hair again, finding that he quite liked this motion. She was touched that he had shared this personal story with her. Harry did not open up easily.
He opened his mouth to continue but paused as her hand once again began to trace his face. When he did speak, he startled her with a question.
“So…if you were to look into the mirror, what would you see?” Seeing her surprised expression, he continued. “I mean, you said ‘what if Voldemort never possessed you’ before. Is that what you’d want?”
Ginny considered the question for a moment before responding decisively. “No.”
“No?”
“No. It was horrible and I obviously wouldn’t want it to happen again, but it changed me. It made me grow up…and it let me see the real you.”
“The real me?”
“Yeah. Before…before I made you out to be some kind of fairy tale prince. I didn’t know the real you, only that you were my hero.” Harry blushed and tried to look away, but Ginny’s hands held his head in place. She looked into his eyes. “The real you is brave and loyal and fun to be around. You care so much about everyone, even the people who hurt you. You’re funny and smart, but only when you want to be, you have this mischievous streak, and you’re incredibly determined. You’re a great friend, you’re passionate and talented and…oh Harry. The real you is much, much better than my imaginary Harry.”
Ginny’s eyes were locked on Harry’s the whole time she was speaking. She had been gradually moving closer and closer to Harry so that their noses were inches apart by the time she finished. They held each other’s gaze for a moment, each searching the other’s eyes desperately for something, some clue. Finally Ginny found what she was looking for and tilted her head to press her lips against his, hoping against hope that she was not wrong.
Harry’s eyes fluttered closed as he pressed back lightly, bringing his hands up to wrap around her and pull her closer. Ginny’s hands moved to his back as she began to experimentally move her lips over his. As Harry did the same, she was rewarded with a calming warmth spreading through her, successfully banishing all dark thoughts and chilliness from the weather.
When they were finally forced to come up for air, Ginny buried her face against Harry’s neck. She took a deep breath of his scent and sighed contentedly. Harry’s hands massaged her back, making her feel safe and at home. To Harry, having Ginny in his arms felt incredible. Her presence was reassuring and he took comfort in her warmth.
The moment was spoiled when they both simultaneously realized what they had done. Harry stiffened and Ginny pulled back, blushing furiously and looking anywhere but Harry. He cleared his throat nervously as Ginny removed herself from his arms.
Finally Harry broke the silence. “What…er…what just happened?”
Instead of stating the obvious, Ginny responded with her own question. “Do you…do you regret it?” she asked nervously, dreading the answer yet waiting for it with bated breath.
Harry took a deep breath, steadying himself. “No, I don’t.” Ginny felt dizzy with happiness and fought the urge to dance with joy. Harry didn’t regret the kiss! The silence, however, worried Harry. He couldn’t see the huge smile spreading over Ginny’s face because he still refused to look at her. What if Ginny regretted it? He couldn’t live with that. Harry voiced his fear. “Do…do you?”
“No! Not at all!” Harry whipped his head around to look at Ginny, breaking into a huge grin of his own.
“No?”
“No!”
They grinned stupidly at each other for another moment before Ginny leaned in to kiss Harry again. They shared several more kisses before breaking apart, still in each other’s arms.
“I thought you got over me.”
“I tried…I really tried. But it didn’t work.”
“I’m glad.”
Ginny let out a small laugh. She felt as light as air; like she could float away from exhilaration and pure joy. “I thought you’d never like me.”
“Never? How could I not?”
“How long?” Ginny asked.
“Since that summer…after Sirius…”
Ginny was prepared to ask another question but Harry beat her to it.
“I want to show you something. Will you come?”
He did not wait for an answer before standing up and holding out his hand to her.
“Sure.” The schoolgirl inside of her giggled. An adventure! She did not care that she was missing the Halloween feast. This was way better! She took his hand and followed him out of the Owlery.
Harry led her midway down the stairway to the Owlery, then stopped. He pulled out his wand and touched it to the torch bracket, muttering something indistinguishable. The wall seemed to fade, stone by stone, until it was nothing more than a transparent sheet. They walked though together and then continued up a narrow staircase. At the top, Harry pushed open a trapdoor, climbed up, and pulled Ginny through.
Ginny immediately moved closer to Harry, feeling disoriented - they were on top of the school! Although the roof was not very steep, it was still a long way down. Harry led her over to a spot where the tiles had been smoothed down. The rain was not coming down as hard now - it was sprinkling instead of pouring. Neither minded the drizzles after being completely soaked during Quidditch practice.
Without a word, Harry took off his rain cloak and laid it on the ground, outside down, to give them a dry place to sit. Ginny snuggled into Harry’s side, feeling extremely content.
Even though Ginny knew Harry disappeared to the roof to be alone, she had never actually been up the secret passage. She felt honored that he would share his special place with her.
“I know it doesn’t seem like much,” Harry said, breaking the silence. “But when the sky’s clear, you can see all the stars. I look at Sirius’ star a lot. It…it feels like he’s watching over me.”
Harry blushed as he said the last part. Ginny leaned over to give him a kiss, touched at what he had just revealed. She could get used to this new step in their relationship!
They sat that way for a long time, the rain misting down around them. No more needed to be said about their relationship. Each had been waiting for the other and now that their feelings were out in the open there were no more barriers between them. In some way, they had always known that they would be together. Now the wait was over.
*~*~*
A/N: Now we just need the wait for HBP to be over - less than a month to go! This is the first fanfic I've ever written, so constructive criticism is definitely welcome.