Fic: Dreaming of Her (Peter/Lily, PG-13)
Title: Dreaming of Her
Author: quietliban
Rating: PG-13 (character deaths, both canon)
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe and character contained therein belong to JK Rowling and her associated publishers etc. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit is being made.
Summary: In the end, does it matter? It's a dream, and dreams never end.
Author's Notes: For the March Challenge: Green. The tarot card interpretations are referenced from this site, even if Tarot cards aren't directly mentioned.
Dreaming of Her
In the end, does it matter? It’s a dream, and dreams never end.
The Fool
The sun shines down on Peter and he stares up at the bright blue sky. The green grass beneath him itches and scratches, but Peter doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind anything at all because Lily is beside him, lying with her arms outstretched and her eyes closed. There is a smile on her face and Peter glances at her, thinking that the smile belongs to him while knowing that it doesn’t and that it never could.
Peter rolls over to lie on his belly, resting his head on his hand. Lily sits up and looks at him. Peter smiles at her, shy but happy. Lily presses her hand to his, stopping him from picking at the grass.
“Peter,” she says and it’s a warning.
Peter smiles and rolls his eyes. “Lily.”
Lily lifts her hand and turns away. Peter is left staring at her back, thinking of the greenness of her eyes.
The High Priestess
“It’s James,” Peter tells his reflection. His reflection looks unimpressed and slightly bored.
Peter doesn’t remember who told him it was James; he only knows that somebody did. Lily might have told him herself, or perhaps Remus; Remus who sees everything whether you want him to or not.
Peter meets the eyes of his reflection and breathes in. “It’s James,” he repeats and he doesn’t know why he is doing this to himself, only that he has to. Peter has to do a lot of things now that he didn’t before; he has to keep himself from hating James and he has to keep himself from hating her.
“It’s always been James,” and this time his reflection in the mirror nods.
The Chariot
Peter feels sick. He’s not sure if it’s due to Sirius’ laughter or James’ bright red cheeks but he feels like he’s going to vomit. He’s wearing a fake smile and Remus glances at him once or twice. Peter doesn’t meet his eyes. He’s too busy pretending to be happy for James. He’s pretending because it hurts him to hear Lily spoken about like that. Lily isn’t an object, she’s a girl and she’s precious.
Lily is precious and Peter knows that. He just can’t figure out why James hasn’t realised it yet. It doesn’t matter though because she didn’t choose him. Lily chose James; she chose scruffy black hair and a crude sense of humour. She didn’t choose Peter.
Justice
Peter sits in the front section of the church while Lily stands before them all in her pretty white dress. He tries not to stare at her because he thought that he could bear it. He thought that it would easier than it is to sit and watch her marry James.
Remus sits beside him with concern in his eyes. Peter tries to ignore it and he hates the way Remus tenses when the priest asks them all a question. Remus’ hands hover over his lap ready to silence Peter or hold him back.
The Lovers
The baby’s eyes are green and that startles Peter. They are deep and dark and just like Lily’s. They look up at Peter, blinking and curious and Peter didn’t expect this. He didn’t expect this at all.
The baby has Lily’s green eyes and James’ dark hair and Peter winces as the baby’s grabby hands pull at his nose. Peter tries to smile and look amused but he isn’t, he can’t be; the baby is the embodiment of what he hates.
Lily is close by and Peter looks at her. Her green eyes meet his. “Hello, Harry,” Peter tells the baby in his arms. Lily smiles at them-at him, and Peter feels warm again, cold hatred sliding out his abdomen. “He’s beautiful,” Peter says, but it isn’t what he means to say. He means to say ‘You’re beautiful,’ but he words have never made it to his tongue.
The Wheel of Fortune
In the end it doesn’t matter; in the end it comes down to a baby crying and a flash of green light with two words echoing in the air. In the end it is fear and screaming and something else beginning.
Peter watches the end as a rat. He feels strangely emotionless watching Lily pleading with little Harry in her arms. James is already dead and Peter feels hollow at that, but it doesn’t matter. In the end, it doesn’t matter at all because they have always belonged to each other and neither belonged to Peter.
The Moon
Peter dreams, and in his dreams the sun will shine down on him, and he will stare up at the bright blue sky. In his dream the world will be perfect in that moment and there will be nothing that could ever change it. The grass will be green and it will itch and scratch him, but Peter won’t mind. He won’t mind anything at all, because Lily will be beside him with her arms outstretched and her eyes closed. There will be a smile on her lips and it will be a secret smile, belonging to him.
Peter will roll over to lie on his belly and he will rest his head on his hand, staring at the dirt, at the ants and at the blades of grass. Lily will sit up and look at him. Peter will smile at her, shy but happy. Lily will press her hand to his where he is picking at the grass.
“Peter,” she will say, and it will not be ‘Pettigrew’ or ‘Wormtail.’ It will not sound like a dirty word. It will be ‘Peter,’ and Peter will feel warm.
“Lily?” Peter will ask because he is unsure.
Lily will smile demurely before leaning across and pressing her lips to his.
In Peter’s dream, Peter will close his eyes and kiss Lily, thinking of her and her bright green eyes.
Author: quietliban
Rating: PG-13 (character deaths, both canon)
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe and character contained therein belong to JK Rowling and her associated publishers etc. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit is being made.
Summary: In the end, does it matter? It's a dream, and dreams never end.
Author's Notes: For the March Challenge: Green. The tarot card interpretations are referenced from this site, even if Tarot cards aren't directly mentioned.
Dreaming of Her
In the end, does it matter? It’s a dream, and dreams never end.
The Fool
The sun shines down on Peter and he stares up at the bright blue sky. The green grass beneath him itches and scratches, but Peter doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind anything at all because Lily is beside him, lying with her arms outstretched and her eyes closed. There is a smile on her face and Peter glances at her, thinking that the smile belongs to him while knowing that it doesn’t and that it never could.
Peter rolls over to lie on his belly, resting his head on his hand. Lily sits up and looks at him. Peter smiles at her, shy but happy. Lily presses her hand to his, stopping him from picking at the grass.
“Peter,” she says and it’s a warning.
Peter smiles and rolls his eyes. “Lily.”
Lily lifts her hand and turns away. Peter is left staring at her back, thinking of the greenness of her eyes.
The High Priestess
“It’s James,” Peter tells his reflection. His reflection looks unimpressed and slightly bored.
Peter doesn’t remember who told him it was James; he only knows that somebody did. Lily might have told him herself, or perhaps Remus; Remus who sees everything whether you want him to or not.
Peter meets the eyes of his reflection and breathes in. “It’s James,” he repeats and he doesn’t know why he is doing this to himself, only that he has to. Peter has to do a lot of things now that he didn’t before; he has to keep himself from hating James and he has to keep himself from hating her.
“It’s always been James,” and this time his reflection in the mirror nods.
The Chariot
Peter feels sick. He’s not sure if it’s due to Sirius’ laughter or James’ bright red cheeks but he feels like he’s going to vomit. He’s wearing a fake smile and Remus glances at him once or twice. Peter doesn’t meet his eyes. He’s too busy pretending to be happy for James. He’s pretending because it hurts him to hear Lily spoken about like that. Lily isn’t an object, she’s a girl and she’s precious.
Lily is precious and Peter knows that. He just can’t figure out why James hasn’t realised it yet. It doesn’t matter though because she didn’t choose him. Lily chose James; she chose scruffy black hair and a crude sense of humour. She didn’t choose Peter.
Justice
Peter sits in the front section of the church while Lily stands before them all in her pretty white dress. He tries not to stare at her because he thought that he could bear it. He thought that it would easier than it is to sit and watch her marry James.
Remus sits beside him with concern in his eyes. Peter tries to ignore it and he hates the way Remus tenses when the priest asks them all a question. Remus’ hands hover over his lap ready to silence Peter or hold him back.
The Lovers
The baby’s eyes are green and that startles Peter. They are deep and dark and just like Lily’s. They look up at Peter, blinking and curious and Peter didn’t expect this. He didn’t expect this at all.
The baby has Lily’s green eyes and James’ dark hair and Peter winces as the baby’s grabby hands pull at his nose. Peter tries to smile and look amused but he isn’t, he can’t be; the baby is the embodiment of what he hates.
Lily is close by and Peter looks at her. Her green eyes meet his. “Hello, Harry,” Peter tells the baby in his arms. Lily smiles at them-at him, and Peter feels warm again, cold hatred sliding out his abdomen. “He’s beautiful,” Peter says, but it isn’t what he means to say. He means to say ‘You’re beautiful,’ but he words have never made it to his tongue.
The Wheel of Fortune
In the end it doesn’t matter; in the end it comes down to a baby crying and a flash of green light with two words echoing in the air. In the end it is fear and screaming and something else beginning.
Peter watches the end as a rat. He feels strangely emotionless watching Lily pleading with little Harry in her arms. James is already dead and Peter feels hollow at that, but it doesn’t matter. In the end, it doesn’t matter at all because they have always belonged to each other and neither belonged to Peter.
The Moon
Peter dreams, and in his dreams the sun will shine down on him, and he will stare up at the bright blue sky. In his dream the world will be perfect in that moment and there will be nothing that could ever change it. The grass will be green and it will itch and scratch him, but Peter won’t mind. He won’t mind anything at all, because Lily will be beside him with her arms outstretched and her eyes closed. There will be a smile on her lips and it will be a secret smile, belonging to him.
Peter will roll over to lie on his belly and he will rest his head on his hand, staring at the dirt, at the ants and at the blades of grass. Lily will sit up and look at him. Peter will smile at her, shy but happy. Lily will press her hand to his where he is picking at the grass.
“Peter,” she will say, and it will not be ‘Pettigrew’ or ‘Wormtail.’ It will not sound like a dirty word. It will be ‘Peter,’ and Peter will feel warm.
“Lily?” Peter will ask because he is unsure.
Lily will smile demurely before leaning across and pressing her lips to his.
In Peter’s dream, Peter will close his eyes and kiss Lily, thinking of her and her bright green eyes.