Comments | hogwarts_hocus: Application: Quintus Lentulus Batiatus (Spartacus : Blood and Sand)

masteroftitans in hogwarts_hocus

Application: Quintus Lentulus Batiatus (Spartacus : Blood and Sand)

Apr 26, 2010 21:36

((WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS for Spartacus: Blood and Sand, season 1.))

A middle-aged man of unimpressive stature, dressed in the garments of a successful Roman and drenched in blood, appeared on the floor of the Sorting Room. After a moment, he stood up, looking around. There was supposed to be a river. And a ferryman. And a three-headed dog. But ( Read more... )

wishbone, titus pullo, grima wormtongue, vislor turlough, application, jasper hale, donna noble, paul atreides, quintus lentulus batiatus, skwisgaar skwigelf, mordichai black, methos, joachim armster, slytherin, holy roman empire, tachibana shito

Comments 162

woocha April 27 2010, 03:52:16 UTC

*sniff sniff sniff*

I smell blood!

Yes, thank you Wishbone.

masteroftitans April 27 2010, 04:03:34 UTC

Well, there was the dog. But, it was rather small, and lacking two heads. Why the hell had he been sent to a shoddy afterlife where they couldn't even afford a proper Cerberus? His house may not have held as high a status as he thought it deserved, but, surely it held enough to warrant a decently three-headed dog?

And did it just talk? He'd never recalled the priests mentioning this bit- from what he'd interpreted Cerberus just growled and snapped a lot, mainly at those trying to leave the underworld. He didn't remember it caring much about those who entered.

"One would think that the smell of blood is a common aroma in hell," Batiatus told the quite unimpressive 'Cerberus'.

woocha April 27 2010, 04:05:58 UTC

This isn't hell, this is Hogwarts! Wishbone wagged his tail. I'm Wishbone!

masteroftitans April 27 2010, 04:15:33 UTC

"Hogwarts." Batiatus crossed his arms and looked at the dog for a quiet moment. "Wishbone." Had he somehow been send to someone else's hell?

"Whatever the fuck it's called, I presume my soul's going to be assigned to one eternity or another?" He didn't expect Elysium. He didn't even expect the neutrality of the Asphodel Fields. He was definitely getting Tartarus for a while- anything less, and he'd feel as if his unexpectedly shortened life had been entirely unappreciated.

Thread 10

vislor_turlough April 27 2010, 03:59:43 UTC

"This isn't hell, this is a school to learn magic. Though considering we're on Earth, we could call it close to hell."

masteroftitans April 27 2010, 04:07:28 UTC

Batiatus stared at Turlough a moment- despite his strange dress, he appeared to be a flesh-and-blood, living man, and, not a shade. He definitely wasn't the ferryman, having far too much skin for the job. He could only stand blankly a moment, attempting to decipher the man's unexpected words.

"If this is a . . .school, how the hell did I get here? Last I knew, a fucking sword through the neck was a fast trip to the underworld." There was no denying that he felt alive, but, the logic of it was absurd. Death wasn't a matter that was easy to forget, or to confuse.

vislor_turlough April 27 2010, 04:13:43 UTC

Turlough shrugged. "Some people have come here because they died. For them, this would be an afterlife."

masteroftitans April 27 2010, 04:22:24 UTC

"I'd anticipated something more dramatic than a. . .school. I'm not even going to begin to conjecture how the fuck education would benefit the dead."

He supposed that thus far, it could have been worse. He wasn't experiencing anything that might be construed as 'torment'. But it still made no sense. "So if some people call this an afterlife, what do others call it?"

Thread 15

arrakis_savior April 27 2010, 04:10:27 UTC

"Time matters even to the man who has entered eternity."

Paul shared this aphorism with grave and tranquil mien.

masteroftitans April 27 2010, 04:40:30 UTC

This sort of bullshit, delivered with a grave demeanor, was somewhat more in tune with what he'd expected in an afterlife encounter. But, the man appeared as solidly alive as he himself still did.

"And you say this based upon personal experience? Or are you supposed to be some sort of psychopomp, spewing bits of bullshit 'wisdom' to convince me to embrace my fate and accept my transition? If you are, don't waste your time- if the gods had given a shit about my house and its fortunes, I wouldn't be here yet."

arrakis_savior April 27 2010, 05:12:22 UTC

Paul's face remained impassive, though the salty talk minded him of Gurney and of smugglers he'd known, and warmed him a bit as he'd not likely have been otherwise. Blue-on-blue eyes regarded the other's face unhurriedly.

"Transition? Each moment of consciousness offers transition. You'll find here no quietus."

masteroftitans April 28 2010, 09:34:00 UTC

The man's weird blue eyes suggested to Batiatus that there was something more to Paul than the surface indicated. But he talked like a damn philosopher, and, his current "afterlife" experience was nothing to encourage a high opinion of divine intelligence. In short, Paul seemed somewhat too well-spoken and thoughtful to be actually divine, when to all appearances the gods acted like fickle children. "Philosophy's not my strong point, but, as I've no interest in quietus, I suppose I can't fucking complain." Batiatus wasn't actually entirely unphilosophical- in fact, he had quite a good grasp of human nature and the urges that motivate men. But, his interest in this was for purely physical results, whether it be in the arena, or in his coffers. "I've been told that this is a . . .school." He plainly found the idea ridiculous.

shifter_mordi April 27 2010, 04:20:18 UTC

Mordi was definitely adding Jupiter's cock! to his repertoire.

"So what did you do to get screwed over so badly?" He doubted that the gods really had anything to do with it. As the man said, they were too concerned with shoving cock up ass to be concerned about the trials of Mortals.

((Re-posted for typo.))

masteroftitans April 27 2010, 04:54:43 UTC

"Not a damned thing, that I know of." Batiatus shrugged. Although he was not a particularly religious man, he'd also never defied his religion, and had offered up the blood of many a gladiator in the arena. If the Gods actually gave a shit about people, it didn't seem likely that he'd be on their bad side. "I don't think they care about anything aside from their own amusement- they grant fortune when it entertains them, and, shove cock up ass when the urge strikes." Batiatus was quite fond of this description of bad fortune.

shifter_mordi April 27 2010, 05:00:52 UTC

"They don't care. If it makes any difference, they're still messing things up centuries down the road, even when they're no longer considered gods." Thank you, great-great-great-andthensome-aunt Aphrodite for making life hell.

"Most people without troubles usually don't go around covered in blood."

masteroftitans April 28 2010, 09:36:30 UTC

"You speak as if you know the future." Not really a surprise, as, Batiatus was still convinced that he was in the underworld. "But I can't say it causes me a second of grief to hear that even gods may one day fall."

Batiatus actually managed a dry, sardonic chuckle at Mordi's comment about troubles and blood. "Or they are covered in less of it. This is mostly mine, and I didn't offer it up for a fucking exhibition. But, I suppose it may be the less tedious alternative, considering the pile of shit that bitch Fortuna's heaped upon my house." On reflection, it probably was better to be dead, than to be facing the responsibility associated with the rebellion of his gladiators and the inevitable cost of putting it down.

sincethe900s April 27 2010, 15:48:55 UTC

Holy Roman Empire noted Batiatus' clothes and name with a thrill of excitement. Hadn't Austria said that a few of Roman Empire's bosses used to be here? So surely it wouldn't be impossible for more Roman citizens to show up.

"Did you belong to Roman Empire?" he asked hopefully.

masteroftitans April 28 2010, 09:37:49 UTC

Batiatus looked curiously at the young boy- at this point, he was starting to get used to people in odd clothing asking him questions. But, at least this child was not a talking dog, and, he was aware of the Roman Empire. He answered him quite politely, as the unknown child could be anyone's son, and possibly that of someone who mattered at whatever this place was. "Yes, I am- or was- a citizen of Rome. I was the master of a ludus near Capua." He left off the bit about 'until my slaves revolted'. It didn't sound good, and didn't seem that straightforward honesty was going to win points in this strange 'afterlife', which in his opinion was a good thing. It wasn't one of his strong points.

sincethe900s April 28 2010, 15:15:25 UTC

"Ah, that's wonderful!" Holy Roman Empire exclaimed, and smiled with all the enthusiasm of a Rome fanboy. He all but bounced on the balls of his feet; this was the best thing that had happened to him since discovering Austria was a part of this nonsense dream. "You must feel so proud to have been a part of the greatest nation in the world. Did you know, I'm actually going to rebuild Roman Empire's former glory--Italy and I are."

masteroftitans April 29 2010, 11:50:45 UTC

Although Batiatus had been having an day which 'terrible' did not even begin to describe, and the boy's enthusiastic smile evoked a sudden sadness, he had no reason to be cruel to the boy, and managed to return a kind smile despite the pang of sorrow. He knew well the cause of the sadness- one of thing he'd desired most, and had lacked, was a child to carry on his line. He had recently learned that the gods had deemed fit to finally grant this request, and talking to this boy reminded him that he'd now lost that unborn child along with his wife, and all of his ambitions. It hadn't mattered to him that his future child would most likely have not been his own- that it would have been his wife's had been enough for him to call it son or daughter.

Some of what the boy was saying seemed extremely odd. His patriotic pride was certainly admirable, but, the bit about the Empire's former glory was strange. "Italy" rendered as Italia to him due to the tricks of the translation spell, and so it sounded to him as if the boy was referring to the ( ... )

Thread 29