Application: Liz, Shaun of the Dead

[dont_exacerbate]

It was a good thing Liz had been warned about Hogwarts--specifically, about how damned weird it could be. Unlike many applicants, she didn’t just show up in the Sorting Room; instead, she and Shaun had taken the Floo system through Diagon Alley, a trip that made the Tube look like a paragon of efficiency by comparison. At least the Tube didn’t get

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[waste_lock]

Nny paused, mostly because he appreciated her bar names. He found broken glass very useful at times. But...

"Why do you have a rifle?" he asked in a disapproving tone. "I don't like guns."

[waste_lock]

"And your worrying takes the form of trying to control him?" Nny paced around her, gesticulating wildly. "Is that what he wants? Do you think you can just TELL what he wants? Or is it what you want him to want?" He gave her an angry stare. "What gives you the right?"

[dont_exacerbate]

Liz blinked. And blinked again. She didn't know what could possibly be going on in his head, or how or why it had started, and it was beginning to severely weird her out. She really hoped Shaun didn't catch onto this conversation, or it would probably get even stickier than it already was.

"The right to want to help him?" she asked. "I do love the man. I might not know just what he needs, but I have to at least try. The only thing I can't do is nothing."

[waste_lock]

"And what about free will?" He voice had dropped to an intense whisper, eyes wide. "Does your self-righteous meddling take precedence over that? Do you really want to help him, or do you just need to be RIGHT?"

[dont_exacerbate]

All right, now she was getting angry. Freaky guy or not, she wasn't about to let him tell her she was harming Shaun. "I want him to stop having nightmares about shooting his mother," she said. "That day fucked us all up, and I know it's hurt him much more than he lets on. When you spend enough time with someone who wakes up screaming half the time, you want to do whatever you can for them, don't you?"

[waste_lock]

"I know plenty about being fucked up," Nny told her with a grim chuckle. "And having someone try to mess with my head, control what I think, what I feel, what I want... I am not going to let that happen again. I'm not. I'm NOT!!!" He took a deep breath, trying to regain at least a semblance of composure. "But you think you know what will help him. What will make the balance inside his head more stable. What if it doesn't? What if you're wrong?"

[dont_exacerbate]

Bloody damn hell, what was wrong with this kid? What had happened to him, to make him this...this?

"If I'm wrong, then maybe we're both fucked," she said. "He and I have both been wrong before, but we take care of each other as much as we can. Fuck-ups don't have to last forever, you know--are you trying to tell me that because we're not infallible, we shouldn't try?"

[waste_lock]

"And the only thing you think to try is taking something he has some sort of... emotional bond with... without knowing if it'll help or hurt, without his permission? That's not trying, that's deception."

[dont_exacerbate]

She rubbed her forehead, sighing. "You think that's the only thing I've tried? Some of it works, some of it doesn't, just like what he tries to do for me. It's not got a bond, it's got a hold on him, and I don't know what to do. Do you understand?"

She didn't know why the hell she was trying to justify herself to this kid. She didn't know why she wanted him to understand. For whatever reason, she just did.

[waste_lock]

"It's got a hold on him, or he's using it to keep a hold on himself? How can you know? How can you make that choice for him?"

[dont_exacerbate]

"What else am I meant to do?" she asked, rubbing her forehead. "It worries me, okay? It worries me a lot, and I don't like the thought of just sitting back and doing nothing, while it has that hold on him."

[waste_lock]

"You could ask him," Nny said quietly, sounding calm once more. "Find out what he thinks, instead of what you want him to think, or think he should be thinking."

[dont_exacerbate]

Now she rubbed her temple, rather than her forehead. "I've tried," she said. "Shaun...he doesn't talk about things, not often. He jokes a lot, and he can usually do a decent job of making you think he's okay, but I live with him--I know better. If he won't tell me much, what am I supposed to do?"

[waste_lock]

Nny sighed, and briefly touched the small amulet at his throat. "Does he know? How much you want him to tell you? How frustrated you are?"

[dont_exacerbate]

She hesitated. "I don't think so," she said. "I mean, he's got an idea, but I've never come right out and dumped it all on him. Maybe I ought to, but I don't really know how to tell him without making it seem like...well, like I'm dropping a load of rocks on him. Neither one of us is very good at subtle."

[waste_lock]

"Fuck subtle." A manic giggle, and he shrugged. "Honest is better than subtle."