gimme dat old time religion [for quotidianue]
For: quotidianue
Title: gimme dat old time religion
Pairing(s)/focus: JB/JR
Rating: PG
Word count: 5K+
Warnings: a bit of violence and swearing here and there
Author's notes: For quotidianue. I hope you like this fairy tale! Title is from the song Old Time Religion by Jim Reeves.
Summary: Not all princesses are helpless. But those princesses know how to have fun.
"We've been roaming this forest for hours. And now you want us to climb this hill that we've passed by dozens of times before. Tell me, does that sound like it makes sense?" Bambam has perfected the art of grousing over the years of working for Jaebum.
Bambam is an excellent page. That doesn't stop Jaebum from wanting to throw him into a swamp.
"I'm hungry. I'm covered in bug bites. We have no idea where we are. We have no idea what the castle even looks like. What is climbing a random hill going to- oh. There it is."
They're riding on horseback as they reach the crest. Castle turrets rise in the distance: a mass of cylinders towering majestically over the forest treetops, its walls whitewashed so cleanly that they almost glow in the noon sunlight. "Not that far to go, looks like," Jaebum says. His horse presses its hooves idly against the ground.
"I should hope so, my thighs are chafing and I've got a blister on my toe the size of meatball."
Jaebum scowls at his page. "You're very strange. Must be all that time you spent abroad."
"I've been working for you for the past ten years!"
Jaebum glares at him.
Bambam cows down. "Sir," he adds politely.
"Don't worry, I appreciate your presence. Having a lively companion helps me keep my optimism. Come on then. If we're quick we can reach the castle by nightfall and head for the kingdom first thing tomorrow morning." Jaebum spurs his steed down the hill. "And you have a lot of armor to clean up, I'm sure you're looking forward to that already, Bambam."
"The other knights don't sweat into their armor as much as you do." Bambam nudges his horse. "And that's not even my name!"
"Hush, Bambam, your knight is deep in thought."
"You're so out of practice, make sure you don't get lost in there."
"Who in the Four Goddesses' name - ow! - builds a castle surrounded by thorn bushes - gerroff me! - and houses a sleeping princess inside it!"
It's a valid question. Over the past year, news about the northern kingdom's steady decline has been spreading: merchant caravans have been hiring more guards, trade has been weakening, and diplomats report that the standard of living has been going down.
Jaebum thinks the problem could be the new king, brother of the deceased one. Rumors of the princess's enchanted sleep spread about the same time as the coronation. And it's standard going for a new king to rid the kingdom of anything that could remind the people of the previous rulership. Jaebum supposes it's lucky that the princess managed to escape the same fate as her parents, even if enchanted sleep is just a few small steps away from "accidentally" falling off a canyon.
"Ow!"
They'd left the horses at the entrance to the forest. Jaebum steadily hacks the thorn bushes away with his sword. The blade will need sharpening after this abuse. "Don't be a wimp, Bambam, I'm leading the way and you don't see me complaining."
"You're wearing armor!"
"And it sucks to be you."
The castle door looms open before them.
Jaebum contemplates it thoughtfully. "Do you think they'd be angry after what I did to their plants?"
Bambam stares incredulously at his knight. The bleeding scratch marks crossing his face make him look threatening for the first time in his life. "You cleared a path through the murderous foliage isolating their castle from the rest of the world. I think the princess would be grateful."
Jaebum shrugs. "Who knows, it could have been her garden. Maybe she likes thorny plants."
"The princess has been in enchanted sleep for the past year. I doubt she had time for gardening." Bambam thinks that one through. "And who wants to grow thorn bushes in the first place!"
"I guess we'd better find out." Jaebum leads the way in. Bambam follows while furiously muttering things he wants to do to Jaebum, each one inspired by that one time he went to the Museum of Cruel and Unusual Retribution.
They find the princess's bedroom without any trouble.
"We didn't get lost even once." Bambam sounds proud despite himself. "Your sense of direction must be really improving."
"Shh, you might wake her up." Jaebum approaches the princess. Her highness looks so peaceful under her blankets.
"Jaebum, it's enchanted sleep, only an idiot like you would think she'd wake up so easily."
Jaebum glares at Bambam.
"Sir," Bambam adds, deadpan. He looks over Jaebum's shoulder. "She's so pale and flawless. Definitely princess material. And those eyelashes, wow. Hey, if a kiss from a man of pure heart is what'll wake her up, you won't mind if I have a go, right?"
Jaebum doesn't even bother to answer. He places a hand on the bed, leans closer and plants a kiss on the princess's lips. After a second of contemplation, he reels back, draws his sword and swings it at the princess's head.
The princess's arms dart under her pillow faster than Jaebum's eyes can follow. It comes back swinging a scimitar to meet Jaebum's blade. Clang! echoes loudly throughout the room. Jaebum stares at the pale yet muscular and not very feminine hands beneath the hilt.
"What gave it away?" the princess asks. Her - Jaebum blinks at the pronoun in his head - voice is too low and rough for a woman even after taking hormones into account.
"Your breath is fresh," Jaebum says. "Like you washed your mouth with mint and water right before we entered your bedroom." Jaebum steps back but keeps his sword ready.
The princess throws her blanket off. Jaebum decides he's definitely been using the wrong pronoun. "I thought it would be rude to receive your kiss smelling like cheese." He stands on the bed and sizes Jaebum up. "My name is Jinyoung. And who might you be? Are you a prince? And answer the second question first."
"I'm Jaebum," says Jaebum, because no way he's letting a man pretending to be the princess dictate the order of questions he answers. "I'm a knight from the southern kingdom. And this is my page, Bambam."
"That's not even my name!" says Bambam as he cowers by the dresser several feet away from where he was when Jaebum went for the kiss. After ten years being a page for a knight, Bambam has learned that it's never a good idea to be where the swords are clashing.
"I came here to rescue a princess," Jaebum explains. "Are you guarding her? Where is she?"
Jinyoung raises an eyebrow at him. "You're looking right at her. Or him. I'm a guy, if you didn't notice."
Jaebum blinks. He makes sure he heard that correctly. "I'm looking for a princess."
"Yup, that's me."
"Not a prince."
"Not a single prince here, just princess me all by my lonesome."
"You're a guy!"
"I was bestowed the title of princess at birth. It's a long story, we can talk about it back in my kingdom if you want."
"But princesses are supposed to be girls!"
"That's sexist! How backward are you? Where does it say that guys can't be princesses?" Jinyoung hops off the bed and grabs a leather scabbard beneath the mattress. "So when are we leaving?"
Jaebum is too busy staring horrified at him. Bambam sputters unintelligibly in the background.
"Tomorrow?" Jinyoung prompts. Jaebum doesn't answer. "Tomorrow's good, you and your page can have a night to rest. I'll ask my maid to make us some dinner. Hey, Youngjae!"
One of the wall curtains swings aside. Jaebum notes the secret passage behind it. "Yes, your highness?" asks Youngjae, the maid - whom Jaebum attentively notes is also a boy.
"Additional plates at the dinner table tonight, it seems." Jinyoung heads to the dresser. Bambam darts away from him and hides behind the still-quiet Jaebum. Youngjae scratches the inside of his nose. "Hope you guys don't mind princess food."
As it happens, the only thing that can jumpstart Jaebum's brain back into operation is the topic of food. "Princess food. Are we talking, like, salads? Vegetables and leafy greens?"
Jinyoung pulls his nightshirt off. Jaebum adamantly notices the disappointing lack of feminine breasts, but there's a tinkle of warmth when he sees just how pale the princ- Jinyoung is all over. "What? Do you think I'm a rabbit or something? What kind of non-progressive society did you two come from? In my kingdom, princess food means meat. Steak."
At least that counts for something, Jaebum thinks. Steak. Steak sounds good right now.
The dining hall is large and lit by candles scattered at intervals all over the antique table. This, Jaebum draws from memory, is what people at home call a fire hazard.
It turns out that Youngjae is a very good cook. Jaebum makes sure to compliment him about it.
"Thanks," says Youngjae around a mouthful of potatoes and gravy. "All those years living as a rat helped me refine my taste."
Bambam pauses with his fork to his lips. "Excuse me?"
"There was a lot of magic lingering in the castle," Jinyoung explains. "And I was all alone, you really shouldn't expect a princess to live alone. I got bored with no one to talk to."
Jaebum thinks about that. "That… doesn't really answer anything."
"I had a few books about magic hidden in my luggage when they brought me here. See, magic is about giving shape to your ideas and making them true in the world." Jinyoung puts another healthy serving of meat on Jaebum's plate. "So when everyone left me alone I started studying how to make my own servants. Hence Youngjae."
"And the rat part?"
"He was a rat."
"Yes, I was a rat," Youngjae says with a shrug like it's no big deal. "I smelled biscuits when the princess was eating in his room. I didn't know any better than to approach him, and the next thing I knew I was standing on two legs and feeling very confused."
"And naked," Jinyoung adds.
"That, too," Youngjae acknowledges plainly. "But rats don't really mind being naked. So."
Bambam pushes his plate away. "I think I just lost my appetite."
Youngjae glances sideways at him. "That's haughty for someone who looks like he used to be a hamster."
"WHAT?!"
Jaebum interrupts quickly. "You've been human ever since we hired you, Bambam. Besides, don't you have memories from childhood? Human memories?"
"I do. I do!" Bambam affirms himself. "But they were from abroad."
"Hallucinations," Youngjae says, failing to cover it up with an unconvincing cough. Bambam's glare could cut like daggers. Youngjae just shrugs it off.
"So what's your plan?" Jinyoung asks.
Jaebum clears his throat with a draft of honeyed water. "My plan hinges entirely on finding the princess."
"Which you've already done," Jinyoung says. "Congratulations. So where to now?"
Jaebum just takes that in stride. "And after I found her I was planning to take her back to her kingdom."
"Alright, we could do that." Jinyoung stretches his arms and back languidly. "You're the knight, and you came to rescue me all the way out here. I'm sure you know best."
Jinyoung says that he'll prepare the guest bedrooms. Jaebum notes that the actual effort Jinyoung puts into preparing the guest bedrooms extends only to telling Youngjae to prepare the guest bedrooms.
"He's a princess, what do you expect?" Youngjae says as he covers Jaebum's bed with fresh linens. "He leaves the housework to me so he can focus on the princessy stuff."
"Princessy stuff."
"Like. I don't know." Youngjae thinks carefully. "Sword fighting. Martial arts. Baking for mass destruction."
Jaebum stares in horror. "What do princesses do in your kingdom?"
"How would I know? I've only been human for the past year, and before that I was a rat."
"So… you wouldn't know if it's normal for this kingdom to have male princesses?"
Youngjae shrugs. "Does it really matter? In rat society we don't have royalty. Everyone's born equal except for the Chief. He gets special treatment."
"How so?" Jaebum asks despite himself. He has a feeling he'll regret the answer.
"He has to lead us to victory. The war effort isn't an easy cause, you know. And if he fails..." Youngjae pauses thoughtfully. "Well. There are a lot of hungry mouths to feed." He sees Jaebum's questioning look and follows up with, "The war against cockroaches. It's nasty and bloody. We've lost a lot of good rats in the fight. Having a human body really helps the war effort, though; roach bodies go splat so easily."
"There are so many things about that statement that I'm not even going to follow up on." Meanwhile, there's armor to be cleaned and swords to be oiled. Jaebum normally has Bambam to do these things for him but Bambam is relaxing in the bath, letting the herb-infused water soothe his wounds and tired muscles.
"The princess has been waiting for you." Youngjae sounds eager for conversation. Maybe having only one other person to talk to was a struggle on its own. "Well. Not you you. He's been looking forward to be rescued."
Jaebum takes a chance on honesty. "I don't think Jinyoung is the type of princess-" saying the word is still so difficult "-that needs rescuing."
"Nonsense. Of course he needs rescuing. That's part of what being a princess is all about."
Jaebum avoids being horrified by virtue of being tired. What do princesses do in that kingdom??? "Am I the first knight to come here?"
"Yeah." Youngjae gives the room a cursory once-over. "I don't think he was keen on waiting for a second knight. The moment we heard you hacking through the thickets he asked me to deactivate the mazes. And to lock the doors that led deeper into the castle. And to light the hallways that led to his room. He didn't want to risk you getting lost."
"Oh." That explains why Jaebum found Jinyoung on the first try. And he has the feeling that Jinyoung doesn't actually need to be found. For some reason. "It was just strange to be the first knight to arrive at a castle and find that everything is maintained so well. Like there was no point to my rushing. To my being first on the scene."
"That was your mistake, really." Youngjae sniffs. He not-so-discreetly sneaks a finger up his nose. It's like he does it for punctuation. "That's one of the most important things we learn as rats: second place is good, second rat gets the cheese."
"And what does the first rat get?"
Youngjae's grin is unsettling. "The trap."
They leave first thing in the morning. And by ‘first thing' it means they leave well past dawn because Jaebum has never been an early riser and Youngjae is impossible to wake up.
"You're leaving a lot of things behind," Jaebum observes.
"You have your sword," Jinyoung answers easily. "And Youngjae has his coat, he doesn't really like the cold. Plus all of the stuff I'm particularly attached to are in the trunk."
Said trunk is currently being lifted by Jaebum and Bambam onto a trolley. It settles heavily with a lot of loud clanging. "What is in that thing?" Jaebum asks, incredulous.
Jinyoung shrugs. "Just standard princess stuff. Whips. Chains. Nunchucks. Bracers. Throwing knives. I had to leave my armor in the dresser, it was too bulky. And I sharpened your sword last night, by the way."
"What do princesses do in your kingdom-"
"I don't get something," Bambam interrupts. "Your kingdom announced that you were put in an enchanted sleep and that only a kiss from a man of pure heart could wake you. Not that Jaebum would have been able to wake you up if that's the case-"
"Hey."
"-but from the looks of things you've been awake this whole time. The castle looks so… well-kept."
"That was me," Youngjae volunteers. There's a tone of long suffering in his words. "The princess attended to other things."
"Like?"
"My favorite hobby: improvisational weaponsmithing." Jinyoung leads them out of the castle. "Besides, we'll be back here soon enough."
Jaebum blinks slowly. "Why?" He feels that this is a very important question.
Jinyoung's smile doesn't reassure him. "You'll know along the way."
"What did you do to my rose bushes?!"
Jaebum shoots a victorious glance at Bambam who inches away even further from the princess.
"Oh, stuff it up your ass," Bambam mutters.
Jaebum glares at him.
"Sir."
They meet marauders halfway to the kingdom.
"I guess it was just a matter of time before we met troublemakers," Jaebum mutters. Bambam hands him his sword. Youngjae flicks his wrists and out slide knives from beneath his sleeves. Jaebum had no idea that Youngjae was even carrying metal.
A man whose arms are thicker than Jaebum's thighs steps forward. He has an axe in one hand and spiked knuckles covering another. "What do we have here?"
Jaebum grits his teeth. "Let us through and we won't hurt you."
"Isn't that sweet," the man says. "But see, lad, there are twenty of us and there are only four of you: a half-baked knight, his clueless page, a kid playing with knives, and… the princess… of the northern kingdom…" The man pales as he trails off.
"RETREAT!" It's hard to tell who gave the order, everyone seems to have reached the same conclusion at once.
"Such nice men," Jinyoung says fondly from the saddle of Bambam's horse.
"Where are they?" Jinyoung wonders aloud. "We should be in range by now, they should be showing themselves soon. Youngjae, get ready."
Youngjae nods dutifully. "Yes, princess."
Jaebum glances down at Bambam, who's walking sullenly beside Jaebum's horse. "I wish my page was as obedient as Jinyoung's maid."
Bambam scowls at him. "I may be bound to serve you by duty but you'll never take my freedom!"
"The freedom that you express through biting sarcasm."
Bambam looks away sullenly. "Well if you'd just be an awful knight already I'd have more to complain about."
Jaebum turns around in his seat to see Jinyoung looking around them curiously. "Who are you expecting to show up?"
"My fairy godmothers," Jinyoung says absently.
Jaebum quirks an eyebrow. "You have fairy godmothers? Isn't that a little backward? Trusting a princess to the care of magical old ladies, what happened to the progressive kingdom that you were so proud off?"
Jaebum hears before he sees it, the strip of sharpened metal slicing through the air aimed directly at Jinyoung's throat. And Jaebum is too far away to do anything about it. "Duck!" he yells.
Jinyoung turns his head slowly. Too slowly.
The throwing knife lands and vibrates to stillness. In between Jinyoung's fingers.
Jinyoung inspects the knife, his eyebrows furrowed in curiosity. "They're here."
Jaebum draws his sword and backs his horse closer to Jinyoung. Bambam is nowhere to be found, which is a skill he's sharpened exceptionally well for when there's trouble or when Jaebum's armor needs cleaning. "Who's here?" Jaebum asks tensely.
"Have you lost track of the conversation?" Jinyoung asks like Jaebum is denser than he expected. "My fairy godmothers. One of them's about to stab you from above, by the way."
Jaebum raises his eyes and swings his sword upward to block and throw off the assailant who'd dropped in on him from the tree branches. The man flips through the air and lands lightly on the ground, tightens his grip on his sword, and charges at Jaebum without a second of hesitation.
Not many people would run head on to challenge an armed knight on horseback. People who do so are normally deranged, have nothing more to lose, or (as Jaebum is quickly learning) are directly connected to Jinyoung.
Jaebum fends off the attacker's swings but can't land a blow of his own. Jaebum is good at fighting defensively. And he can tell that his attacker isn't aiming to kill him, just maim him irreparably. But Jaebum is better at figuring out how people fight and creating countermeasures on the spot.
Three loud thuds catch his attention. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees knives buried in the trunk of a tree outlining Bambam's head perfectly. Bambam himself is wide-eyed and sporting a darker, wetter patch of cloth by his crotch.
Another knife flies through the forest. Youngjae strikes it out of the air before it finds its place between Bambam's eyes.
"Focus here, kid," Jaebum's attacker growls right before he runs up a tree, jumps off a branch and takes another swing at Jaebum's head. Jaebum blocks it at the last moment.
"It's good to see you again, Jackson." Jinyoung jumps off his horse and opens his arms wide.
The attacker throws a sarcastic grin at Jaebum, walks leisurely to Jinyoung and wraps him an a hug. "It's good to see you again, man! Hey, Mark, show yourself!"
A taller figure somersaults from the trees and lands just beside the pair. The man doesn't join the hug but he bows respectfully to Jinyoung. "Princess! It's been what, a year? We miss you, I had to put up with Jackson the whole time."
"You love me."
"Not that much."
"I see my knight is confused." Jinyoung smiles at Jaebum, whose veins are still pumped full of adrenaline.
"WHAT IS HAPPENING." Jaebum forgets to pose it as a question.
"These are my fairy godmothers," Jinyoung explains, which as usual explains nothing. "They were the ones who raised me since I was a kid. Mark, Jackson, this is Jaebum. He's a knight from the southern kingdom. He's the one who rescued me from the castle."
"Rescued," Jackson says with an exaggerated wink. "Right. I hear you."
"Still no subtlety even after a year, huh, Jackson?"
"I'm as subtle as a brick to the face!"
"And those two?" Mark asks.
"That's my maid, Youngjae," says Jinyoung. Youngjae responds by flicking his arms, which makes his knives fold back under his sleeves, and in the same motion start picking his nose. There must be an entire treasure trove in there. "I studied those books you slipped into my luggage. You're right, knowing magic does help a lot."
"Fairy godmothers?" Jaebum repeats, still on guard. Everyone ignores him.
"Transmogrification spell, huh?" Mark says. "Good job, you could barely tell that he used to be a rat."
"Thanks. And the kid stuck to the tree over there is Jaebum's page. He's human since birth."
Jackson squints his eyes at Bambam. "You mean he's not a transformed hamster?"
That, at least, brings Bambam back enough to start feeling his face in his hands to make sure that he wasn't, against all evidence, stabbed by six inches of metal. He starts sobbing the moment he's assured that he's alive.
"So cute!" squeals Jackson.
"We're not under attack anymore but I'm still so confused!" Jaebum says loudly. Jackson sheaths his sword in plain view. Jaebum takes some comfort in that.
Mark winks at him. There must be some magic there because it makes Jaebum feel warm from out of nowhere.
"So when's the wedding?" Jackson asks.
"WHAT-"
They set up camp right before the edge of the forest. The night sky is brighter than the deep blue-black that Jaebum has gotten used to over his weeks of travel. And there are far fewer stars.
"It's tradition," Jinyoung explains. "The knight who saves the helpless princess gets to marry her. Or him, as is the case."
"Helpless?" Jaebum asks. He's calmed down over the hours. "You were sleeping with a sword under your pillows. You have your own suit of armor in your dresser. You can catch throwing knives with your bare hands. You transmogrified a rat into a human being and trained him to be your bodyguard. What part of that makes you helpless?"
"I was trapped and I needed a knight to save me."
"You could have hacked through the thorns by yourself."
"That was my garden, thank you very much."
The fairy godmothers - whose maleness Jaebum didn't even bother to comment on because what would be the point? - disappeared into the night to ‘keep watch'. Youngjae went with them. Bambam, Jaebum is not proud to say, is having none of the insanity and burrowed inside Jaebum's sleeping bag after a hurried change of pants.
"As your page mentioned back at the castle, I was supposed to be in enchanted sleep." Jinyoung stabs a sharpened stick through his strip of jerky and warms it over the campfire. "Those rumors were greatly exaggerated. It was a conspiracy."
Jaebum sits straighter. It's not a comfortable position on his rock but some reactions carry their own momentum.
"It's standard political stuff," Jinyoung says calmly. "It's why I'm a princess instead of a prince. Before I was born, a seer prophesied that a prince will bring ruin to the kingdom. He was very specific about that prince part. So, as someone who's been living with prophecies his whole life, my dad used it as a loophole: he declared that from then on all titles need to be bestowed by the Royal Recognizer, a completely new department that the court set up whose job is literally to proclaim your official title. So when I was born, they declared me a princess."
"That's…" Jaebum thinks of a nice way to say his sentiments. "Basically cheating the system."
"Magic is all about giving shape to your ideas and making them come true," Jinyoung says. "Look at Youngjae-"
"I would if I could see him."
"-he literally used to be a rat who snuck up to me when I was having a snack. I had the idea to turn him into a maid so I had someone who would clean up. Then I just used my fairy godmothers' magic to make my ideas take shape in the world. And voila: Youngjae. The knife training is all my doing, though. I got bored waiting for someone to save me."
"And the whole wedding thing? I don't remember signing up for anything that involves a wedding." Jaebum feels that this is a very important point and he's determined to argue it until it gets answered.
"So I have an uncle who has no idea how to rule a kingdom, has never done a day's work in his life, but wants to be king because he wants more leisure. And in matters of royalty, the king's brother is a prince who'll only be crowned if the king dies without an heir. Guess what I am?"
Jaebum nods along. Politics. He's never been good with politics. He's the type who prefers to solve problems with a hefty swing of his sword. "And the wedding? I'm not letting things go about that wedding."
"My uncle tried to have us all killed," Jinyoung continues casually. "We were ready for it, of course. But instead of fighting back and having that prophecy looming over our heads forever and never having a prince declared in the kingdom, my dad decided to just let things run their course. My parents faked their death. My uncle rose to power. You know what's funny about ascension? Kingship is tied to blood. As long as my father is alive and doesn't abdicate his throne, then he's the king no matter what anyone says. Which means that my uncle is a prince even if he's ruling the kingdom. And voila, the prophecy comes true, the economy takes a nosedive."
"But the Royal Recognizer-"
"-is borrowing his power from the true king, my father. Borrowed power can't overturn the source."
Jaebum nods, slowly understanding. "I was right, the northern kingdom did use to be peaceful. Those marauders were a recent development."
"They didn't retreat because they were afraid of me," Jinyoung says, "they retreated because they know I'm taking back the throne. I'm putting an end to my uncle's rule of decadence. And once I've disposed of him, my father will abdicate his throne and I'll become the true king."
"Again, the wedding."
"You're really hung up on that, aren't you."
"Who wouldn't be?!"
Jinyoung laughs, but this time it's innocent. It's the first time Jaebum heard him laugh like that. "I'm marrying you because… I think you're cute."
"WHAT-"
"And I need a champion," Jinyoung adds hastily. "I've been a princess all my life. We put out the rumor that I'd fallen into enchanted sleep and locked up in a castle surrounded with danger. So that I'll be conveniently away when my uncle fulfills the prophecy but still be in the people's mind the whole time. And I need a knight so people will believe in me. Because royalty is only half of respect. People believe in hard work. People will believe a knight who fought through thickets of thorny bushes and countless monsters of untold horror just to save a princess."
"I didn't encounter any monsters, untold horror or not."
"... I got bored waiting."
"But why is there a wedding?" Jaebum insists. "We don't need a wedding for all that!"
"We do," Jinyoung insists. "So that people will believe in both of us at the same time. I'm a princess who's been away from the kingdom for too long. You're the knight who the people will see as their champion. I have the right, you have the respect. We need to rule the kingdom together."
Jaebum closes his eyes and thinks harder than ever. What Jinyoung said made sense… in a storybook kind of way. If you followed the ideas without looking at the details. A question comes to mind. "What about heirs? Because I don't think heirs are on the table."
"Let the fairy godmothers worry about that, they know magic more than I do."
"I feel that it's biologically impossible."
"A challenge, for sure."
Like Jinyoung said, magic is about giving shape to ideas and making them come true. And it looks like Jaebum just fell under his spell. "Magic, huh?"
Jinyoung smiles warmly at him. "Let's get some sleep. We free my kingdom at dawn."
"And the wedding?"
"What's more symbolic of a wedding than the bloodbath that will follow?"
"What do princesses do in your kingdom???"
[readers, don't forget to leave a comment! anonymous is on if you're shy.]
Title: gimme dat old time religion
Pairing(s)/focus: JB/JR
Rating: PG
Word count: 5K+
Warnings: a bit of violence and swearing here and there
Author's notes: For quotidianue. I hope you like this fairy tale! Title is from the song Old Time Religion by Jim Reeves.
Summary: Not all princesses are helpless. But those princesses know how to have fun.
"We've been roaming this forest for hours. And now you want us to climb this hill that we've passed by dozens of times before. Tell me, does that sound like it makes sense?" Bambam has perfected the art of grousing over the years of working for Jaebum.
Bambam is an excellent page. That doesn't stop Jaebum from wanting to throw him into a swamp.
"I'm hungry. I'm covered in bug bites. We have no idea where we are. We have no idea what the castle even looks like. What is climbing a random hill going to- oh. There it is."
They're riding on horseback as they reach the crest. Castle turrets rise in the distance: a mass of cylinders towering majestically over the forest treetops, its walls whitewashed so cleanly that they almost glow in the noon sunlight. "Not that far to go, looks like," Jaebum says. His horse presses its hooves idly against the ground.
"I should hope so, my thighs are chafing and I've got a blister on my toe the size of meatball."
Jaebum scowls at his page. "You're very strange. Must be all that time you spent abroad."
"I've been working for you for the past ten years!"
Jaebum glares at him.
Bambam cows down. "Sir," he adds politely.
"Don't worry, I appreciate your presence. Having a lively companion helps me keep my optimism. Come on then. If we're quick we can reach the castle by nightfall and head for the kingdom first thing tomorrow morning." Jaebum spurs his steed down the hill. "And you have a lot of armor to clean up, I'm sure you're looking forward to that already, Bambam."
"The other knights don't sweat into their armor as much as you do." Bambam nudges his horse. "And that's not even my name!"
"Hush, Bambam, your knight is deep in thought."
"You're so out of practice, make sure you don't get lost in there."
"Who in the Four Goddesses' name - ow! - builds a castle surrounded by thorn bushes - gerroff me! - and houses a sleeping princess inside it!"
It's a valid question. Over the past year, news about the northern kingdom's steady decline has been spreading: merchant caravans have been hiring more guards, trade has been weakening, and diplomats report that the standard of living has been going down.
Jaebum thinks the problem could be the new king, brother of the deceased one. Rumors of the princess's enchanted sleep spread about the same time as the coronation. And it's standard going for a new king to rid the kingdom of anything that could remind the people of the previous rulership. Jaebum supposes it's lucky that the princess managed to escape the same fate as her parents, even if enchanted sleep is just a few small steps away from "accidentally" falling off a canyon.
"Ow!"
They'd left the horses at the entrance to the forest. Jaebum steadily hacks the thorn bushes away with his sword. The blade will need sharpening after this abuse. "Don't be a wimp, Bambam, I'm leading the way and you don't see me complaining."
"You're wearing armor!"
"And it sucks to be you."
The castle door looms open before them.
Jaebum contemplates it thoughtfully. "Do you think they'd be angry after what I did to their plants?"
Bambam stares incredulously at his knight. The bleeding scratch marks crossing his face make him look threatening for the first time in his life. "You cleared a path through the murderous foliage isolating their castle from the rest of the world. I think the princess would be grateful."
Jaebum shrugs. "Who knows, it could have been her garden. Maybe she likes thorny plants."
"The princess has been in enchanted sleep for the past year. I doubt she had time for gardening." Bambam thinks that one through. "And who wants to grow thorn bushes in the first place!"
"I guess we'd better find out." Jaebum leads the way in. Bambam follows while furiously muttering things he wants to do to Jaebum, each one inspired by that one time he went to the Museum of Cruel and Unusual Retribution.
They find the princess's bedroom without any trouble.
"We didn't get lost even once." Bambam sounds proud despite himself. "Your sense of direction must be really improving."
"Shh, you might wake her up." Jaebum approaches the princess. Her highness looks so peaceful under her blankets.
"Jaebum, it's enchanted sleep, only an idiot like you would think she'd wake up so easily."
Jaebum glares at Bambam.
"Sir," Bambam adds, deadpan. He looks over Jaebum's shoulder. "She's so pale and flawless. Definitely princess material. And those eyelashes, wow. Hey, if a kiss from a man of pure heart is what'll wake her up, you won't mind if I have a go, right?"
Jaebum doesn't even bother to answer. He places a hand on the bed, leans closer and plants a kiss on the princess's lips. After a second of contemplation, he reels back, draws his sword and swings it at the princess's head.
The princess's arms dart under her pillow faster than Jaebum's eyes can follow. It comes back swinging a scimitar to meet Jaebum's blade. Clang! echoes loudly throughout the room. Jaebum stares at the pale yet muscular and not very feminine hands beneath the hilt.
"What gave it away?" the princess asks. Her - Jaebum blinks at the pronoun in his head - voice is too low and rough for a woman even after taking hormones into account.
"Your breath is fresh," Jaebum says. "Like you washed your mouth with mint and water right before we entered your bedroom." Jaebum steps back but keeps his sword ready.
The princess throws her blanket off. Jaebum decides he's definitely been using the wrong pronoun. "I thought it would be rude to receive your kiss smelling like cheese." He stands on the bed and sizes Jaebum up. "My name is Jinyoung. And who might you be? Are you a prince? And answer the second question first."
"I'm Jaebum," says Jaebum, because no way he's letting a man pretending to be the princess dictate the order of questions he answers. "I'm a knight from the southern kingdom. And this is my page, Bambam."
"That's not even my name!" says Bambam as he cowers by the dresser several feet away from where he was when Jaebum went for the kiss. After ten years being a page for a knight, Bambam has learned that it's never a good idea to be where the swords are clashing.
"I came here to rescue a princess," Jaebum explains. "Are you guarding her? Where is she?"
Jinyoung raises an eyebrow at him. "You're looking right at her. Or him. I'm a guy, if you didn't notice."
Jaebum blinks. He makes sure he heard that correctly. "I'm looking for a princess."
"Yup, that's me."
"Not a prince."
"Not a single prince here, just princess me all by my lonesome."
"You're a guy!"
"I was bestowed the title of princess at birth. It's a long story, we can talk about it back in my kingdom if you want."
"But princesses are supposed to be girls!"
"That's sexist! How backward are you? Where does it say that guys can't be princesses?" Jinyoung hops off the bed and grabs a leather scabbard beneath the mattress. "So when are we leaving?"
Jaebum is too busy staring horrified at him. Bambam sputters unintelligibly in the background.
"Tomorrow?" Jinyoung prompts. Jaebum doesn't answer. "Tomorrow's good, you and your page can have a night to rest. I'll ask my maid to make us some dinner. Hey, Youngjae!"
One of the wall curtains swings aside. Jaebum notes the secret passage behind it. "Yes, your highness?" asks Youngjae, the maid - whom Jaebum attentively notes is also a boy.
"Additional plates at the dinner table tonight, it seems." Jinyoung heads to the dresser. Bambam darts away from him and hides behind the still-quiet Jaebum. Youngjae scratches the inside of his nose. "Hope you guys don't mind princess food."
As it happens, the only thing that can jumpstart Jaebum's brain back into operation is the topic of food. "Princess food. Are we talking, like, salads? Vegetables and leafy greens?"
Jinyoung pulls his nightshirt off. Jaebum adamantly notices the disappointing lack of feminine breasts, but there's a tinkle of warmth when he sees just how pale the princ- Jinyoung is all over. "What? Do you think I'm a rabbit or something? What kind of non-progressive society did you two come from? In my kingdom, princess food means meat. Steak."
At least that counts for something, Jaebum thinks. Steak. Steak sounds good right now.
The dining hall is large and lit by candles scattered at intervals all over the antique table. This, Jaebum draws from memory, is what people at home call a fire hazard.
It turns out that Youngjae is a very good cook. Jaebum makes sure to compliment him about it.
"Thanks," says Youngjae around a mouthful of potatoes and gravy. "All those years living as a rat helped me refine my taste."
Bambam pauses with his fork to his lips. "Excuse me?"
"There was a lot of magic lingering in the castle," Jinyoung explains. "And I was all alone, you really shouldn't expect a princess to live alone. I got bored with no one to talk to."
Jaebum thinks about that. "That… doesn't really answer anything."
"I had a few books about magic hidden in my luggage when they brought me here. See, magic is about giving shape to your ideas and making them true in the world." Jinyoung puts another healthy serving of meat on Jaebum's plate. "So when everyone left me alone I started studying how to make my own servants. Hence Youngjae."
"And the rat part?"
"He was a rat."
"Yes, I was a rat," Youngjae says with a shrug like it's no big deal. "I smelled biscuits when the princess was eating in his room. I didn't know any better than to approach him, and the next thing I knew I was standing on two legs and feeling very confused."
"And naked," Jinyoung adds.
"That, too," Youngjae acknowledges plainly. "But rats don't really mind being naked. So."
Bambam pushes his plate away. "I think I just lost my appetite."
Youngjae glances sideways at him. "That's haughty for someone who looks like he used to be a hamster."
"WHAT?!"
Jaebum interrupts quickly. "You've been human ever since we hired you, Bambam. Besides, don't you have memories from childhood? Human memories?"
"I do. I do!" Bambam affirms himself. "But they were from abroad."
"Hallucinations," Youngjae says, failing to cover it up with an unconvincing cough. Bambam's glare could cut like daggers. Youngjae just shrugs it off.
"So what's your plan?" Jinyoung asks.
Jaebum clears his throat with a draft of honeyed water. "My plan hinges entirely on finding the princess."
"Which you've already done," Jinyoung says. "Congratulations. So where to now?"
Jaebum just takes that in stride. "And after I found her I was planning to take her back to her kingdom."
"Alright, we could do that." Jinyoung stretches his arms and back languidly. "You're the knight, and you came to rescue me all the way out here. I'm sure you know best."
Jinyoung says that he'll prepare the guest bedrooms. Jaebum notes that the actual effort Jinyoung puts into preparing the guest bedrooms extends only to telling Youngjae to prepare the guest bedrooms.
"He's a princess, what do you expect?" Youngjae says as he covers Jaebum's bed with fresh linens. "He leaves the housework to me so he can focus on the princessy stuff."
"Princessy stuff."
"Like. I don't know." Youngjae thinks carefully. "Sword fighting. Martial arts. Baking for mass destruction."
Jaebum stares in horror. "What do princesses do in your kingdom?"
"How would I know? I've only been human for the past year, and before that I was a rat."
"So… you wouldn't know if it's normal for this kingdom to have male princesses?"
Youngjae shrugs. "Does it really matter? In rat society we don't have royalty. Everyone's born equal except for the Chief. He gets special treatment."
"How so?" Jaebum asks despite himself. He has a feeling he'll regret the answer.
"He has to lead us to victory. The war effort isn't an easy cause, you know. And if he fails..." Youngjae pauses thoughtfully. "Well. There are a lot of hungry mouths to feed." He sees Jaebum's questioning look and follows up with, "The war against cockroaches. It's nasty and bloody. We've lost a lot of good rats in the fight. Having a human body really helps the war effort, though; roach bodies go splat so easily."
"There are so many things about that statement that I'm not even going to follow up on." Meanwhile, there's armor to be cleaned and swords to be oiled. Jaebum normally has Bambam to do these things for him but Bambam is relaxing in the bath, letting the herb-infused water soothe his wounds and tired muscles.
"The princess has been waiting for you." Youngjae sounds eager for conversation. Maybe having only one other person to talk to was a struggle on its own. "Well. Not you you. He's been looking forward to be rescued."
Jaebum takes a chance on honesty. "I don't think Jinyoung is the type of princess-" saying the word is still so difficult "-that needs rescuing."
"Nonsense. Of course he needs rescuing. That's part of what being a princess is all about."
Jaebum avoids being horrified by virtue of being tired. What do princesses do in that kingdom??? "Am I the first knight to come here?"
"Yeah." Youngjae gives the room a cursory once-over. "I don't think he was keen on waiting for a second knight. The moment we heard you hacking through the thickets he asked me to deactivate the mazes. And to lock the doors that led deeper into the castle. And to light the hallways that led to his room. He didn't want to risk you getting lost."
"Oh." That explains why Jaebum found Jinyoung on the first try. And he has the feeling that Jinyoung doesn't actually need to be found. For some reason. "It was just strange to be the first knight to arrive at a castle and find that everything is maintained so well. Like there was no point to my rushing. To my being first on the scene."
"That was your mistake, really." Youngjae sniffs. He not-so-discreetly sneaks a finger up his nose. It's like he does it for punctuation. "That's one of the most important things we learn as rats: second place is good, second rat gets the cheese."
"And what does the first rat get?"
Youngjae's grin is unsettling. "The trap."
They leave first thing in the morning. And by ‘first thing' it means they leave well past dawn because Jaebum has never been an early riser and Youngjae is impossible to wake up.
"You're leaving a lot of things behind," Jaebum observes.
"You have your sword," Jinyoung answers easily. "And Youngjae has his coat, he doesn't really like the cold. Plus all of the stuff I'm particularly attached to are in the trunk."
Said trunk is currently being lifted by Jaebum and Bambam onto a trolley. It settles heavily with a lot of loud clanging. "What is in that thing?" Jaebum asks, incredulous.
Jinyoung shrugs. "Just standard princess stuff. Whips. Chains. Nunchucks. Bracers. Throwing knives. I had to leave my armor in the dresser, it was too bulky. And I sharpened your sword last night, by the way."
"What do princesses do in your kingdom-"
"I don't get something," Bambam interrupts. "Your kingdom announced that you were put in an enchanted sleep and that only a kiss from a man of pure heart could wake you. Not that Jaebum would have been able to wake you up if that's the case-"
"Hey."
"-but from the looks of things you've been awake this whole time. The castle looks so… well-kept."
"That was me," Youngjae volunteers. There's a tone of long suffering in his words. "The princess attended to other things."
"Like?"
"My favorite hobby: improvisational weaponsmithing." Jinyoung leads them out of the castle. "Besides, we'll be back here soon enough."
Jaebum blinks slowly. "Why?" He feels that this is a very important question.
Jinyoung's smile doesn't reassure him. "You'll know along the way."
"What did you do to my rose bushes?!"
Jaebum shoots a victorious glance at Bambam who inches away even further from the princess.
"Oh, stuff it up your ass," Bambam mutters.
Jaebum glares at him.
"Sir."
They meet marauders halfway to the kingdom.
"I guess it was just a matter of time before we met troublemakers," Jaebum mutters. Bambam hands him his sword. Youngjae flicks his wrists and out slide knives from beneath his sleeves. Jaebum had no idea that Youngjae was even carrying metal.
A man whose arms are thicker than Jaebum's thighs steps forward. He has an axe in one hand and spiked knuckles covering another. "What do we have here?"
Jaebum grits his teeth. "Let us through and we won't hurt you."
"Isn't that sweet," the man says. "But see, lad, there are twenty of us and there are only four of you: a half-baked knight, his clueless page, a kid playing with knives, and… the princess… of the northern kingdom…" The man pales as he trails off.
"RETREAT!" It's hard to tell who gave the order, everyone seems to have reached the same conclusion at once.
"Such nice men," Jinyoung says fondly from the saddle of Bambam's horse.
"Where are they?" Jinyoung wonders aloud. "We should be in range by now, they should be showing themselves soon. Youngjae, get ready."
Youngjae nods dutifully. "Yes, princess."
Jaebum glances down at Bambam, who's walking sullenly beside Jaebum's horse. "I wish my page was as obedient as Jinyoung's maid."
Bambam scowls at him. "I may be bound to serve you by duty but you'll never take my freedom!"
"The freedom that you express through biting sarcasm."
Bambam looks away sullenly. "Well if you'd just be an awful knight already I'd have more to complain about."
Jaebum turns around in his seat to see Jinyoung looking around them curiously. "Who are you expecting to show up?"
"My fairy godmothers," Jinyoung says absently.
Jaebum quirks an eyebrow. "You have fairy godmothers? Isn't that a little backward? Trusting a princess to the care of magical old ladies, what happened to the progressive kingdom that you were so proud off?"
Jaebum hears before he sees it, the strip of sharpened metal slicing through the air aimed directly at Jinyoung's throat. And Jaebum is too far away to do anything about it. "Duck!" he yells.
Jinyoung turns his head slowly. Too slowly.
The throwing knife lands and vibrates to stillness. In between Jinyoung's fingers.
Jinyoung inspects the knife, his eyebrows furrowed in curiosity. "They're here."
Jaebum draws his sword and backs his horse closer to Jinyoung. Bambam is nowhere to be found, which is a skill he's sharpened exceptionally well for when there's trouble or when Jaebum's armor needs cleaning. "Who's here?" Jaebum asks tensely.
"Have you lost track of the conversation?" Jinyoung asks like Jaebum is denser than he expected. "My fairy godmothers. One of them's about to stab you from above, by the way."
Jaebum raises his eyes and swings his sword upward to block and throw off the assailant who'd dropped in on him from the tree branches. The man flips through the air and lands lightly on the ground, tightens his grip on his sword, and charges at Jaebum without a second of hesitation.
Not many people would run head on to challenge an armed knight on horseback. People who do so are normally deranged, have nothing more to lose, or (as Jaebum is quickly learning) are directly connected to Jinyoung.
Jaebum fends off the attacker's swings but can't land a blow of his own. Jaebum is good at fighting defensively. And he can tell that his attacker isn't aiming to kill him, just maim him irreparably. But Jaebum is better at figuring out how people fight and creating countermeasures on the spot.
Three loud thuds catch his attention. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees knives buried in the trunk of a tree outlining Bambam's head perfectly. Bambam himself is wide-eyed and sporting a darker, wetter patch of cloth by his crotch.
Another knife flies through the forest. Youngjae strikes it out of the air before it finds its place between Bambam's eyes.
"Focus here, kid," Jaebum's attacker growls right before he runs up a tree, jumps off a branch and takes another swing at Jaebum's head. Jaebum blocks it at the last moment.
"It's good to see you again, Jackson." Jinyoung jumps off his horse and opens his arms wide.
The attacker throws a sarcastic grin at Jaebum, walks leisurely to Jinyoung and wraps him an a hug. "It's good to see you again, man! Hey, Mark, show yourself!"
A taller figure somersaults from the trees and lands just beside the pair. The man doesn't join the hug but he bows respectfully to Jinyoung. "Princess! It's been what, a year? We miss you, I had to put up with Jackson the whole time."
"You love me."
"Not that much."
"I see my knight is confused." Jinyoung smiles at Jaebum, whose veins are still pumped full of adrenaline.
"WHAT IS HAPPENING." Jaebum forgets to pose it as a question.
"These are my fairy godmothers," Jinyoung explains, which as usual explains nothing. "They were the ones who raised me since I was a kid. Mark, Jackson, this is Jaebum. He's a knight from the southern kingdom. He's the one who rescued me from the castle."
"Rescued," Jackson says with an exaggerated wink. "Right. I hear you."
"Still no subtlety even after a year, huh, Jackson?"
"I'm as subtle as a brick to the face!"
"And those two?" Mark asks.
"That's my maid, Youngjae," says Jinyoung. Youngjae responds by flicking his arms, which makes his knives fold back under his sleeves, and in the same motion start picking his nose. There must be an entire treasure trove in there. "I studied those books you slipped into my luggage. You're right, knowing magic does help a lot."
"Fairy godmothers?" Jaebum repeats, still on guard. Everyone ignores him.
"Transmogrification spell, huh?" Mark says. "Good job, you could barely tell that he used to be a rat."
"Thanks. And the kid stuck to the tree over there is Jaebum's page. He's human since birth."
Jackson squints his eyes at Bambam. "You mean he's not a transformed hamster?"
That, at least, brings Bambam back enough to start feeling his face in his hands to make sure that he wasn't, against all evidence, stabbed by six inches of metal. He starts sobbing the moment he's assured that he's alive.
"So cute!" squeals Jackson.
"We're not under attack anymore but I'm still so confused!" Jaebum says loudly. Jackson sheaths his sword in plain view. Jaebum takes some comfort in that.
Mark winks at him. There must be some magic there because it makes Jaebum feel warm from out of nowhere.
"So when's the wedding?" Jackson asks.
"WHAT-"
They set up camp right before the edge of the forest. The night sky is brighter than the deep blue-black that Jaebum has gotten used to over his weeks of travel. And there are far fewer stars.
"It's tradition," Jinyoung explains. "The knight who saves the helpless princess gets to marry her. Or him, as is the case."
"Helpless?" Jaebum asks. He's calmed down over the hours. "You were sleeping with a sword under your pillows. You have your own suit of armor in your dresser. You can catch throwing knives with your bare hands. You transmogrified a rat into a human being and trained him to be your bodyguard. What part of that makes you helpless?"
"I was trapped and I needed a knight to save me."
"You could have hacked through the thorns by yourself."
"That was my garden, thank you very much."
The fairy godmothers - whose maleness Jaebum didn't even bother to comment on because what would be the point? - disappeared into the night to ‘keep watch'. Youngjae went with them. Bambam, Jaebum is not proud to say, is having none of the insanity and burrowed inside Jaebum's sleeping bag after a hurried change of pants.
"As your page mentioned back at the castle, I was supposed to be in enchanted sleep." Jinyoung stabs a sharpened stick through his strip of jerky and warms it over the campfire. "Those rumors were greatly exaggerated. It was a conspiracy."
Jaebum sits straighter. It's not a comfortable position on his rock but some reactions carry their own momentum.
"It's standard political stuff," Jinyoung says calmly. "It's why I'm a princess instead of a prince. Before I was born, a seer prophesied that a prince will bring ruin to the kingdom. He was very specific about that prince part. So, as someone who's been living with prophecies his whole life, my dad used it as a loophole: he declared that from then on all titles need to be bestowed by the Royal Recognizer, a completely new department that the court set up whose job is literally to proclaim your official title. So when I was born, they declared me a princess."
"That's…" Jaebum thinks of a nice way to say his sentiments. "Basically cheating the system."
"Magic is all about giving shape to your ideas and making them come true," Jinyoung says. "Look at Youngjae-"
"I would if I could see him."
"-he literally used to be a rat who snuck up to me when I was having a snack. I had the idea to turn him into a maid so I had someone who would clean up. Then I just used my fairy godmothers' magic to make my ideas take shape in the world. And voila: Youngjae. The knife training is all my doing, though. I got bored waiting for someone to save me."
"And the whole wedding thing? I don't remember signing up for anything that involves a wedding." Jaebum feels that this is a very important point and he's determined to argue it until it gets answered.
"So I have an uncle who has no idea how to rule a kingdom, has never done a day's work in his life, but wants to be king because he wants more leisure. And in matters of royalty, the king's brother is a prince who'll only be crowned if the king dies without an heir. Guess what I am?"
Jaebum nods along. Politics. He's never been good with politics. He's the type who prefers to solve problems with a hefty swing of his sword. "And the wedding? I'm not letting things go about that wedding."
"My uncle tried to have us all killed," Jinyoung continues casually. "We were ready for it, of course. But instead of fighting back and having that prophecy looming over our heads forever and never having a prince declared in the kingdom, my dad decided to just let things run their course. My parents faked their death. My uncle rose to power. You know what's funny about ascension? Kingship is tied to blood. As long as my father is alive and doesn't abdicate his throne, then he's the king no matter what anyone says. Which means that my uncle is a prince even if he's ruling the kingdom. And voila, the prophecy comes true, the economy takes a nosedive."
"But the Royal Recognizer-"
"-is borrowing his power from the true king, my father. Borrowed power can't overturn the source."
Jaebum nods, slowly understanding. "I was right, the northern kingdom did use to be peaceful. Those marauders were a recent development."
"They didn't retreat because they were afraid of me," Jinyoung says, "they retreated because they know I'm taking back the throne. I'm putting an end to my uncle's rule of decadence. And once I've disposed of him, my father will abdicate his throne and I'll become the true king."
"Again, the wedding."
"You're really hung up on that, aren't you."
"Who wouldn't be?!"
Jinyoung laughs, but this time it's innocent. It's the first time Jaebum heard him laugh like that. "I'm marrying you because… I think you're cute."
"WHAT-"
"And I need a champion," Jinyoung adds hastily. "I've been a princess all my life. We put out the rumor that I'd fallen into enchanted sleep and locked up in a castle surrounded with danger. So that I'll be conveniently away when my uncle fulfills the prophecy but still be in the people's mind the whole time. And I need a knight so people will believe in me. Because royalty is only half of respect. People believe in hard work. People will believe a knight who fought through thickets of thorny bushes and countless monsters of untold horror just to save a princess."
"I didn't encounter any monsters, untold horror or not."
"... I got bored waiting."
"But why is there a wedding?" Jaebum insists. "We don't need a wedding for all that!"
"We do," Jinyoung insists. "So that people will believe in both of us at the same time. I'm a princess who's been away from the kingdom for too long. You're the knight who the people will see as their champion. I have the right, you have the respect. We need to rule the kingdom together."
Jaebum closes his eyes and thinks harder than ever. What Jinyoung said made sense… in a storybook kind of way. If you followed the ideas without looking at the details. A question comes to mind. "What about heirs? Because I don't think heirs are on the table."
"Let the fairy godmothers worry about that, they know magic more than I do."
"I feel that it's biologically impossible."
"A challenge, for sure."
Like Jinyoung said, magic is about giving shape to ideas and making them come true. And it looks like Jaebum just fell under his spell. "Magic, huh?"
Jinyoung smiles warmly at him. "Let's get some sleep. We free my kingdom at dawn."
"And the wedding?"
"What's more symbolic of a wedding than the bloodbath that will follow?"
"What do princesses do in your kingdom???"
[readers, don't forget to leave a comment! anonymous is on if you're shy.]