[FIC] Changed - Chapter 11
→ Changed
→ YunJae | Slight YooSu | Slight 2Min
→ 11/27
→ PG13
→ Angst | Romance | humor | Fluff | Smut
→ Yunho came from London after four year with his degree. He was composed, serious and successful; the total opposite from his old playboy, reckless and wild self during high school. He met his only best friend from high school, who was the ultimate geek who worked hard to achieve his goals, in a club. He was shocked to see how his friend had turned into a prostitute. Yunho then realized how much his friend had changed and how their roles had been reversed.
→ Beta/Basic Plot -> kkogi
Chapter 11: Confrontation
Yunho rolled on his right side, his head nuzzled the soft pillow and his body snuggled in the warm blanket wrapped around him. He rolled again to get on his back facing the ceiling. He tried to open his eyes slowly. His vision was blurry from the long hours of sleep. He rubbed his eyes with both hands and then rested his hands on them. He heaved a long sigh and then opened his eyes again. He looked around him and found himself in his bed. He knew instantly that Donghae brought him here. He sighed again and closed his eyes. He then blinked few time and swung his legs to the side to hop out of bed.
“Ahh”
A sting of pain lingered in his head. He rubbed his temple with his left hand and stood on his feet to head to the bathroom. He winced with every step he took. He needed some aspirin, but after his much needed shower.
The water poured on his body and he tried to relax his stiff muscles.
“If you want to bang him just pay him”
He shut his eyes tightly, trying to ignore the sounds roaming in his head.
“He is a whore…”
Yunho shook his head, and put his hands on his ears, trying to block the words, to get them out of his head.
“He gets money for sex”
He hit the walls of the bathroom with his fists and shouted angrily. His breath was raged and his eyes were tightly shut. How could he miss this? Where was he when his friend needed him? How could he let this happen?
Yunho asked himself so many questions in which all answers were throwing guilt on his shoulders. He got out of the shower when he felt that the water was making him dizzier and more confused. He dried himself and went to his closet to get some clothes. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it read ten to seven. He needed to get ready soon so he wouldn’t be late for work.
He wore a black suit with white shirt and a black tie to complete his style. When he got out of his room, the aroma of freshly made coffee touched his nostril and he walked to the kitchen to see who was there. He smiled lightly at the image of his friend pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“Morning Hae” Yunho greeted sitting on the chair.
“Glad I got my name back. Thought you would call me a dick”
Yunho chuckled and Donghae smiled.
“Coffee?” He asked lifting his cup in the air.
“Please. Drinking in the middle of the week is stupid” Yunho muttered massaging his temple.
“Are you okay?” Donghae asked softly glancing at Yunho. Yunho sighed and rested his elbows on the kitchen table.
“I don’t know. Are you?”
“Not really. Life sucks” Donghae chuckled bitterly.
“You never said that you loved her” Yunho said looking at Donghae’s back. The later let out a sigh and turned to look at Yunho.
“You are not admitting that you love him”
“Hae” Yunho warned.
“Don’t Hae me. You care about him so much. You went crazy when you knew that he was a whore”
“Don’t call him that” Yunho stood and hit the kitchen table with both hands.
“Then what do you want me to call him, huh? You listened to what that man said! He is prostituting his body”
“I said stop calling him those names”
“But he is”
“NO, I won’t judge him before knowing why he did this. There must be a reason” Yunho argued, his voice rising by the second.
Donghae dropped his shoulders and sighed again.
“What reasons? Why are you so sure?” He asked tilting his head and shrugging his shoulders.
“Because he wouldn’t cry like he did, not like that, he wouldn’t call himself dirty for nothing”
“Maybe he feels guilty”
“He is just like Seohyun; she has her reasons for staying with that bastard”
“Seohyun is so much different”
“How different? She is hurting herself, and he is hurting himself. Both are hurting”
“Why are we playing the guessing game here?” Donghae asked running his fingers in his hair.
Yunho kept quiet and then looked at Donghae’s face. His right cheek was swollen and his lips were split.
“Sorry for your face”
Donghae chuckled.
“Never mind. Better on me than on Jaejoong”
Yunho took the cup of coffee from Donghae’s hand and took a few sips from it.
“What should I do?” He asked resting his back against the counter beside Donghae.
“Talk to him. You don’t have any other choice”
“Should I take him out for dinner?”
Donghae shook his head.
“This should be discussed in private, not with tens of people watching. Go to his house, or invite him here”
“You think so?”
“I know so. Now come on, we’ll be late for work”
Yunho glanced at his watch and sighed. They walked out of Yunho’s apartment and took Yunho’s car. On their way to the company both were working at, Yunho was thinking of Jaejoong. He wondered if he should call him today or another day.
Long hours passed and Yunho couldn’t do any work. The paper he used to finish in one hour took him three hours and papers and files kept accumulating on his desk. His secretary had asked him if he was alright, and he answered her that he was just tired when he really couldn’t find the energy to do any work. Thoughts of Jaejoong dominated his head and he couldn’t think of anything else but why, how and why again.
He really had a special spot for Jaejoong in his heart, he always knew that. But the pain in his heart was growing by the second, squeezing his heart, cutting it and shattering it to pieces. He couldn’t understand why the thought of Jaejoong in another person’s arm hurt him. Was it because he was his best friend who he cared for tremendously? Or was it something else. He bit his lips and rested his back in his chair.
‘Jaejoong Jaejoong, why are you driving me insane?’ He asked himself over and over again.
When the clock hit four in the evening, he decided that he couldn’t take it anymore. He took his phone out of his pocket and searched Jaejoong’s number. He looked at the name for a few minutes and then pressed the green bottom.
“Hello Yunho”
Jaejoong’s voice came hesitant, low, and Yunho couldn’t help but feeling pain.
“Hi Jae. I’m…Mmm, can we, talk?” He asked consciously.
Yunho heard a sigh from the other line and he frowned.
“Is it urgent?”
“It has to be tonight” Yunho said, his voice dripping urgency.
“I think… Yeah sure” Jaejoong answered sounding tired.
“Can I come to your place?”
“I…”
“Please”
Jaejoong sighed again.
“Of course”
“When can I come?”
“At six?”
“Yeah, that would be good”
Jaejoong gave Yunho his address and hung up. Yunho looked at the sheet of paper he wrote the address on and shut his eyes. The call with Jaejoong was awkward. He felt that Jaejoong had a fair idea of what he wanted to talk to him about, or he was afraid of something. Either way, he was going to find out tonight. He was determined to know the truth, and if the truth was what he really heard and so far believed, he was going to make Jaejoong stop whatever shit he was doing, and no one can stop him.
+++
Jaejoong was pacing the living room back and forth. He was biting his thumb in panic. What the heck did he just do? He just set a date to confront Yunho about his real Job that Yunho obviously was going to ask about. Was he ready to talk about it yet?
“Damn it, it’s been just days and he already knows” Jaejoong muttered to himself and dropped himself on the couch.
His phone rang and his heart jumped at the ringtone. He looked at the caller’s ID and sighed in relief and happiness.
“Hey” He answered smiling unconsciously.
“Hyung, I will be late today. I-I…”
“Are you going out with your boyfriend?” Jaejoong asked softly.
Junsu nodded his head but then remembered that he was on the phone. “Yes, so, mmm, I will be a little bit late”
“It’s ok. Just don’t be too late. It’s dangerous outside”
“Okay”
Jaejoong couldn’t stop the smile stretched on his face from expanding. Junsu really changed in a blink of an eye. He didn’t know how or why, but he was grateful. Junsu had greeted him in the morning before going to school. He even ate breakfast with him. Now he called to say that he would be late. Jaejoong really felt happy and his heart was pounding in his chest from overwhelming joy. He couldn’t wait for the art competition. He missed Junsu’s voice so much.
He had decided to pause all his activities that week until the competition. He was determined to make some changed to his look, go shopping for a proper suit and head to the school all styled and elegant, just to make Junsu proud of him.
The doorbell suddenly rang and all the happiness he was feeling was replaced with anxiety. He forced his legs to move and walk towards the door knowing who was on the other side. He took a deep breath and turned the knob and opened the door.
Yunho stood in front of him, a hand in his pant pocket, the other leaning against the door frame. His eyes were looking down and his tie was undone. Jaejoong noticed that Yunho was in a messy state. He bit his lips and opened the door wider.
“Hey”
Yunho lifted his eyes and they narrowed when they met Jaejoong’s. His chest stated moving and his teeth were suddenly biting his lips. He looked away and then forced a smile.
“Hi Jae” He said softly, voice forced and low.
Jaejoong dropped his eyes, fear climbing his way up his spine.
“A-aren’t you coming in?” he tried to sound cheerful, really tried, but his voice was trembling and his hands were shaking.
Yunho just nodded and straightened his back and walked past Jaejoong inside the apartment. He took off his shoes and stood still in his spot. Jaejoong touched his elbow so he could guide him but Yunho flinched and shoved Jaejoong’s hands softly. Jaejoong frowned and pressed his lips together.
“This way” Jaejoong said walking in front of Yunho to guide him to the living room. Yunho walked behind him. He stared at Jaejoong’s back, it looked sad. His black hair was long enough to cover his neck. Yunho stretched his arms, he just wanted to reach Jaejoong and hug him so tightly. He wanted to run his fingers in his hair and caress it. He wanted to take him in his arms and secure him from the outside world. He really wanted to, but he was scared, insecure, anxious and confused.
“Jae?” He halted and called. His voice came low, trembling and desperate.
Jae stopped on his track and turned to look at Yunho. He felt a dagger pressing in his heart. Yunho’s eyes were watering; his nose red and lips were red from his teeth biting on them.
“Yes?”
“Is it true?” Yunho asked, hands clenching in a fist on his sides. “Was what I heard true?”
Jaejoong swallowed the lump in his throat and looked at Yunho’s intense eyes. Yunho walked a step closer to Jaejoong, and then another, until he was few centimeters away from him. He rested his hands on Jaejoong’s shoulders and bent to stare at Jaejoong’s face. He shook him a bit and asked again.
“Dammit Jae. Answer me” His hands tightened, his eyes still glued to Jaejoong’s face.
Jaejoong just lowered his head.
“What do you want to hear?” Jaejoong asked slowly.
“Tell me that it’s not true. Tell me that what I heard is just defamation. Tell me that you are working a proper job not this”
“What’s this Yunho? Say it loud for me to understand” Jaejoong said locking his eyes with Yunho’s. If they were going to talk about it, everything should come out clean for both of them. Every word should be said and every term should be addressed no matter how hateful it was.
“Jaejoong!” Yunho hissed.
“What Yunho? I don’t want to talk in vague terms. If you want to know the truth, then just tell me what you really want to know. Tell me what you heard, and I will tell you whether it was true or not” Jaejoong said firmly.
Yunho lowered his head and let go of Jaejoong’s shoulders. He turned around and ran his fingers in his hair and then turned to look at Jaejoong from a few feet away.
“Do you really… deal in prostitution” Yunho’s voice cracked and he swallowed his saliva.
Jaejoong took a long breath and then nodded.
“Yes, Yunho. It’s true” He chuckled bitterly and gave his back to Yunho. He didn’t think that it would be this difficult. His shoulders were trembling and he was holding a sob.
“But why?” The question came desperate like a plead.
“Why? You ask me why?”Jaejoong shook his head and let go of the breath he was holding.
“How can you do this to yourself? How can you even think about using your body like this?”
“I needed to do this” Jaejoong whispered lowly.
“Needed? God Jae how needy you were to sell your body? Is it about sex? Because you can find it everywhere” Yunho snapped, saying whatever was coming to his mind without thinking.
Jaejoong turned abruptly, wide eyes staring at Yunho.
“Sex? Do you really think that I’m doing this for sex?” Jaejoong shouted, he couldn’t suppress the anger that started boiling his blood.
“Then why?” Yunho asked dropping his shoulders.
“Do you think I like this shit? Do you think I like to be touched by strangers? Do you think I want random men to bang me every day? Do you think I like the taste of cum in my mouth? Do you think I want to be pressed against walls, counters and on beds all day? Do you really think that I like it?” Jaejoong’s tears were flowing from his eyes. They just flew silently.
“Answer me, do you really think I like it?” Jaejoong shook his head and stared at Yunho.
Yunho looked at him and pressed his lips and tried hard to stop his tears from falling.
“If you don’t like it, then why are you doing it?” He asked clinching his teeth.
Jaejoong let out a painful chuckle. “For money. It’s this simple. I did it, and I’m doing it for the money”
Yunho turned his head. The first reason that came to his head was the probability of Jaejoong needing money, but somehow he wished that it wasn’t the real reason. How needy he was for money to sell his body?
“Are you really that short in money? How needy? God, if you need money, then ask me”
“You weren’t here. And I asked, and asked and asked. I was drowned in debts”
“Then work, get a job, two, even three. Why selling your body? You could’ve done so much other than this” Yunho raised his voice. The pain in his heart rising and taking over his senses.
“Don’t judge me!” Jaejoong shouted trembling. “Just don’t judge me” he added slowly.
“Then why?”
“Tell me Yunho!” Jaejoong tilted his head and raised his hand in the air. He raised the first finger in the air. “Have you ever been responsible for yourself and your brother, without any family or friends supporting you?”
Yunho didn’t answer. Jaejoong continue raising another finger.
“Have you ever worked four jobs in a day? Have you ever feared that you won’t be able to pay for your rent, your school, your food, your clothes and your daily expenses?”
Yunho was staring at Jaejoong. The questions thrown at him never occurred to his head, he never experienced them.
“Answer me Yunho. Have you ever eaten just one meal a day? Have you ever minimized the amount of water you drink a day because you fear that it would finish? Have you ever wished to have a shower, and then discovered that there is no water at home?”
Jaejoong chocked on his tears. He moist his lips and turned his body.
“Have you ever feared that your brother would be in danger in the neighborhood you’re living in? Have you ever held your bleeding brother in your arms? Crying and hoping that he would live and not let you alone in this world?”
“There are a lot more, Yunho” He sniffed and let his tears run along his flushed cheeks.
Yunho stared at Jaejoong’s shuddering body and let his tears flow. The look of Jaejoong so hurt pierced his heart.
“No. I’ve never experienced something like this” He said stepping one step closer.
Jaejoong’s sobs were suppressed. He was hiccupping and shuddering.
“This is me Yunho. I had to be a whore to feed myself and my brother”
“Don’t call yourself that” Yunho hissed and clenched his hands in his pants.
“But I am. There is no better word to describe what I am. Maybe a slut?”
“Jae!”
“A prostitute?”
“Stop it!”
“A bitch it is then”
Yunho closed the distance between them and engulfed Jaejoong in a tight hug. His arms wrapped around him and tightened, crushing him against his body. He buried his head into Jaejoong’s neck and cried. His hands clutched Jaejoong’s shirt. Jaejoong just let his voice get louder, tears falling like rains. He hit Yunho’s arms around him.
“D-don’t j-judge me, please.” He sobbed and pressed his back against Yunho. “Not you” He rested his head on Yunho’s shoulder and cried. “Please not you. Don’t hate me, please, don’t”
Yunho nuzzled his head deeper into Jaejoong’s neck and breathed.
“Stupid…” He muttered in between sobs. “So, so stupid…”
They stayed like this for a while. Jaejoong’s body pressed against Yunho’s. The latter’s arms never loosening.
“I will never hate you” yunho whispered and hugged Jaejoong tighter. “I’m sorry for judging you. God, I’m sorry I wasn’t there” He added lowering his head.
Jaejoong raised his hand to the back and caressed Yunho’s hair. “Don’t, it’s not your fault” Jaejoong said hoarsely. He unclasped Yunho’s arms around him and turned around. He wiped Yunho’s face and kissed his cheek. He then took his hand and led him to the living room and sat down on the couch, dragging Yunho beside him.
“Will you stop if I asked you to?” Yunho asked, elbows resting on his knees and chin resting on his fisted hands.
Jaejoong sighed and rested his head on the arm of the couch.
“I don’t know”
+++
Previous / Next
→ YunJae | Slight YooSu | Slight 2Min
→ 11/27
→ PG13
→ Angst | Romance | humor | Fluff | Smut
→ Yunho came from London after four year with his degree. He was composed, serious and successful; the total opposite from his old playboy, reckless and wild self during high school. He met his only best friend from high school, who was the ultimate geek who worked hard to achieve his goals, in a club. He was shocked to see how his friend had turned into a prostitute. Yunho then realized how much his friend had changed and how their roles had been reversed.
→ Beta/Basic Plot -> kkogi
Chapter 11: Confrontation
Yunho rolled on his right side, his head nuzzled the soft pillow and his body snuggled in the warm blanket wrapped around him. He rolled again to get on his back facing the ceiling. He tried to open his eyes slowly. His vision was blurry from the long hours of sleep. He rubbed his eyes with both hands and then rested his hands on them. He heaved a long sigh and then opened his eyes again. He looked around him and found himself in his bed. He knew instantly that Donghae brought him here. He sighed again and closed his eyes. He then blinked few time and swung his legs to the side to hop out of bed.
“Ahh”
A sting of pain lingered in his head. He rubbed his temple with his left hand and stood on his feet to head to the bathroom. He winced with every step he took. He needed some aspirin, but after his much needed shower.
The water poured on his body and he tried to relax his stiff muscles.
“If you want to bang him just pay him”
He shut his eyes tightly, trying to ignore the sounds roaming in his head.
“He is a whore…”
Yunho shook his head, and put his hands on his ears, trying to block the words, to get them out of his head.
“He gets money for sex”
He hit the walls of the bathroom with his fists and shouted angrily. His breath was raged and his eyes were tightly shut. How could he miss this? Where was he when his friend needed him? How could he let this happen?
Yunho asked himself so many questions in which all answers were throwing guilt on his shoulders. He got out of the shower when he felt that the water was making him dizzier and more confused. He dried himself and went to his closet to get some clothes. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it read ten to seven. He needed to get ready soon so he wouldn’t be late for work.
He wore a black suit with white shirt and a black tie to complete his style. When he got out of his room, the aroma of freshly made coffee touched his nostril and he walked to the kitchen to see who was there. He smiled lightly at the image of his friend pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“Morning Hae” Yunho greeted sitting on the chair.
“Glad I got my name back. Thought you would call me a dick”
Yunho chuckled and Donghae smiled.
“Coffee?” He asked lifting his cup in the air.
“Please. Drinking in the middle of the week is stupid” Yunho muttered massaging his temple.
“Are you okay?” Donghae asked softly glancing at Yunho. Yunho sighed and rested his elbows on the kitchen table.
“I don’t know. Are you?”
“Not really. Life sucks” Donghae chuckled bitterly.
“You never said that you loved her” Yunho said looking at Donghae’s back. The later let out a sigh and turned to look at Yunho.
“You are not admitting that you love him”
“Hae” Yunho warned.
“Don’t Hae me. You care about him so much. You went crazy when you knew that he was a whore”
“Don’t call him that” Yunho stood and hit the kitchen table with both hands.
“Then what do you want me to call him, huh? You listened to what that man said! He is prostituting his body”
“I said stop calling him those names”
“But he is”
“NO, I won’t judge him before knowing why he did this. There must be a reason” Yunho argued, his voice rising by the second.
Donghae dropped his shoulders and sighed again.
“What reasons? Why are you so sure?” He asked tilting his head and shrugging his shoulders.
“Because he wouldn’t cry like he did, not like that, he wouldn’t call himself dirty for nothing”
“Maybe he feels guilty”
“He is just like Seohyun; she has her reasons for staying with that bastard”
“Seohyun is so much different”
“How different? She is hurting herself, and he is hurting himself. Both are hurting”
“Why are we playing the guessing game here?” Donghae asked running his fingers in his hair.
Yunho kept quiet and then looked at Donghae’s face. His right cheek was swollen and his lips were split.
“Sorry for your face”
Donghae chuckled.
“Never mind. Better on me than on Jaejoong”
Yunho took the cup of coffee from Donghae’s hand and took a few sips from it.
“What should I do?” He asked resting his back against the counter beside Donghae.
“Talk to him. You don’t have any other choice”
“Should I take him out for dinner?”
Donghae shook his head.
“This should be discussed in private, not with tens of people watching. Go to his house, or invite him here”
“You think so?”
“I know so. Now come on, we’ll be late for work”
Yunho glanced at his watch and sighed. They walked out of Yunho’s apartment and took Yunho’s car. On their way to the company both were working at, Yunho was thinking of Jaejoong. He wondered if he should call him today or another day.
Long hours passed and Yunho couldn’t do any work. The paper he used to finish in one hour took him three hours and papers and files kept accumulating on his desk. His secretary had asked him if he was alright, and he answered her that he was just tired when he really couldn’t find the energy to do any work. Thoughts of Jaejoong dominated his head and he couldn’t think of anything else but why, how and why again.
He really had a special spot for Jaejoong in his heart, he always knew that. But the pain in his heart was growing by the second, squeezing his heart, cutting it and shattering it to pieces. He couldn’t understand why the thought of Jaejoong in another person’s arm hurt him. Was it because he was his best friend who he cared for tremendously? Or was it something else. He bit his lips and rested his back in his chair.
‘Jaejoong Jaejoong, why are you driving me insane?’ He asked himself over and over again.
When the clock hit four in the evening, he decided that he couldn’t take it anymore. He took his phone out of his pocket and searched Jaejoong’s number. He looked at the name for a few minutes and then pressed the green bottom.
“Hello Yunho”
Jaejoong’s voice came hesitant, low, and Yunho couldn’t help but feeling pain.
“Hi Jae. I’m…Mmm, can we, talk?” He asked consciously.
Yunho heard a sigh from the other line and he frowned.
“Is it urgent?”
“It has to be tonight” Yunho said, his voice dripping urgency.
“I think… Yeah sure” Jaejoong answered sounding tired.
“Can I come to your place?”
“I…”
“Please”
Jaejoong sighed again.
“Of course”
“When can I come?”
“At six?”
“Yeah, that would be good”
Jaejoong gave Yunho his address and hung up. Yunho looked at the sheet of paper he wrote the address on and shut his eyes. The call with Jaejoong was awkward. He felt that Jaejoong had a fair idea of what he wanted to talk to him about, or he was afraid of something. Either way, he was going to find out tonight. He was determined to know the truth, and if the truth was what he really heard and so far believed, he was going to make Jaejoong stop whatever shit he was doing, and no one can stop him.
+++
Jaejoong was pacing the living room back and forth. He was biting his thumb in panic. What the heck did he just do? He just set a date to confront Yunho about his real Job that Yunho obviously was going to ask about. Was he ready to talk about it yet?
“Damn it, it’s been just days and he already knows” Jaejoong muttered to himself and dropped himself on the couch.
His phone rang and his heart jumped at the ringtone. He looked at the caller’s ID and sighed in relief and happiness.
“Hey” He answered smiling unconsciously.
“Hyung, I will be late today. I-I…”
“Are you going out with your boyfriend?” Jaejoong asked softly.
Junsu nodded his head but then remembered that he was on the phone. “Yes, so, mmm, I will be a little bit late”
“It’s ok. Just don’t be too late. It’s dangerous outside”
“Okay”
Jaejoong couldn’t stop the smile stretched on his face from expanding. Junsu really changed in a blink of an eye. He didn’t know how or why, but he was grateful. Junsu had greeted him in the morning before going to school. He even ate breakfast with him. Now he called to say that he would be late. Jaejoong really felt happy and his heart was pounding in his chest from overwhelming joy. He couldn’t wait for the art competition. He missed Junsu’s voice so much.
He had decided to pause all his activities that week until the competition. He was determined to make some changed to his look, go shopping for a proper suit and head to the school all styled and elegant, just to make Junsu proud of him.
The doorbell suddenly rang and all the happiness he was feeling was replaced with anxiety. He forced his legs to move and walk towards the door knowing who was on the other side. He took a deep breath and turned the knob and opened the door.
Yunho stood in front of him, a hand in his pant pocket, the other leaning against the door frame. His eyes were looking down and his tie was undone. Jaejoong noticed that Yunho was in a messy state. He bit his lips and opened the door wider.
“Hey”
Yunho lifted his eyes and they narrowed when they met Jaejoong’s. His chest stated moving and his teeth were suddenly biting his lips. He looked away and then forced a smile.
“Hi Jae” He said softly, voice forced and low.
Jaejoong dropped his eyes, fear climbing his way up his spine.
“A-aren’t you coming in?” he tried to sound cheerful, really tried, but his voice was trembling and his hands were shaking.
Yunho just nodded and straightened his back and walked past Jaejoong inside the apartment. He took off his shoes and stood still in his spot. Jaejoong touched his elbow so he could guide him but Yunho flinched and shoved Jaejoong’s hands softly. Jaejoong frowned and pressed his lips together.
“This way” Jaejoong said walking in front of Yunho to guide him to the living room. Yunho walked behind him. He stared at Jaejoong’s back, it looked sad. His black hair was long enough to cover his neck. Yunho stretched his arms, he just wanted to reach Jaejoong and hug him so tightly. He wanted to run his fingers in his hair and caress it. He wanted to take him in his arms and secure him from the outside world. He really wanted to, but he was scared, insecure, anxious and confused.
“Jae?” He halted and called. His voice came low, trembling and desperate.
Jae stopped on his track and turned to look at Yunho. He felt a dagger pressing in his heart. Yunho’s eyes were watering; his nose red and lips were red from his teeth biting on them.
“Yes?”
“Is it true?” Yunho asked, hands clenching in a fist on his sides. “Was what I heard true?”
Jaejoong swallowed the lump in his throat and looked at Yunho’s intense eyes. Yunho walked a step closer to Jaejoong, and then another, until he was few centimeters away from him. He rested his hands on Jaejoong’s shoulders and bent to stare at Jaejoong’s face. He shook him a bit and asked again.
“Dammit Jae. Answer me” His hands tightened, his eyes still glued to Jaejoong’s face.
Jaejoong just lowered his head.
“What do you want to hear?” Jaejoong asked slowly.
“Tell me that it’s not true. Tell me that what I heard is just defamation. Tell me that you are working a proper job not this”
“What’s this Yunho? Say it loud for me to understand” Jaejoong said locking his eyes with Yunho’s. If they were going to talk about it, everything should come out clean for both of them. Every word should be said and every term should be addressed no matter how hateful it was.
“Jaejoong!” Yunho hissed.
“What Yunho? I don’t want to talk in vague terms. If you want to know the truth, then just tell me what you really want to know. Tell me what you heard, and I will tell you whether it was true or not” Jaejoong said firmly.
Yunho lowered his head and let go of Jaejoong’s shoulders. He turned around and ran his fingers in his hair and then turned to look at Jaejoong from a few feet away.
“Do you really… deal in prostitution” Yunho’s voice cracked and he swallowed his saliva.
Jaejoong took a long breath and then nodded.
“Yes, Yunho. It’s true” He chuckled bitterly and gave his back to Yunho. He didn’t think that it would be this difficult. His shoulders were trembling and he was holding a sob.
“But why?” The question came desperate like a plead.
“Why? You ask me why?”Jaejoong shook his head and let go of the breath he was holding.
“How can you do this to yourself? How can you even think about using your body like this?”
“I needed to do this” Jaejoong whispered lowly.
“Needed? God Jae how needy you were to sell your body? Is it about sex? Because you can find it everywhere” Yunho snapped, saying whatever was coming to his mind without thinking.
Jaejoong turned abruptly, wide eyes staring at Yunho.
“Sex? Do you really think that I’m doing this for sex?” Jaejoong shouted, he couldn’t suppress the anger that started boiling his blood.
“Then why?” Yunho asked dropping his shoulders.
“Do you think I like this shit? Do you think I like to be touched by strangers? Do you think I want random men to bang me every day? Do you think I like the taste of cum in my mouth? Do you think I want to be pressed against walls, counters and on beds all day? Do you really think that I like it?” Jaejoong’s tears were flowing from his eyes. They just flew silently.
“Answer me, do you really think I like it?” Jaejoong shook his head and stared at Yunho.
Yunho looked at him and pressed his lips and tried hard to stop his tears from falling.
“If you don’t like it, then why are you doing it?” He asked clinching his teeth.
Jaejoong let out a painful chuckle. “For money. It’s this simple. I did it, and I’m doing it for the money”
Yunho turned his head. The first reason that came to his head was the probability of Jaejoong needing money, but somehow he wished that it wasn’t the real reason. How needy he was for money to sell his body?
“Are you really that short in money? How needy? God, if you need money, then ask me”
“You weren’t here. And I asked, and asked and asked. I was drowned in debts”
“Then work, get a job, two, even three. Why selling your body? You could’ve done so much other than this” Yunho raised his voice. The pain in his heart rising and taking over his senses.
“Don’t judge me!” Jaejoong shouted trembling. “Just don’t judge me” he added slowly.
“Then why?”
“Tell me Yunho!” Jaejoong tilted his head and raised his hand in the air. He raised the first finger in the air. “Have you ever been responsible for yourself and your brother, without any family or friends supporting you?”
Yunho didn’t answer. Jaejoong continue raising another finger.
“Have you ever worked four jobs in a day? Have you ever feared that you won’t be able to pay for your rent, your school, your food, your clothes and your daily expenses?”
Yunho was staring at Jaejoong. The questions thrown at him never occurred to his head, he never experienced them.
“Answer me Yunho. Have you ever eaten just one meal a day? Have you ever minimized the amount of water you drink a day because you fear that it would finish? Have you ever wished to have a shower, and then discovered that there is no water at home?”
Jaejoong chocked on his tears. He moist his lips and turned his body.
“Have you ever feared that your brother would be in danger in the neighborhood you’re living in? Have you ever held your bleeding brother in your arms? Crying and hoping that he would live and not let you alone in this world?”
“There are a lot more, Yunho” He sniffed and let his tears run along his flushed cheeks.
Yunho stared at Jaejoong’s shuddering body and let his tears flow. The look of Jaejoong so hurt pierced his heart.
“No. I’ve never experienced something like this” He said stepping one step closer.
Jaejoong’s sobs were suppressed. He was hiccupping and shuddering.
“This is me Yunho. I had to be a whore to feed myself and my brother”
“Don’t call yourself that” Yunho hissed and clenched his hands in his pants.
“But I am. There is no better word to describe what I am. Maybe a slut?”
“Jae!”
“A prostitute?”
“Stop it!”
“A bitch it is then”
Yunho closed the distance between them and engulfed Jaejoong in a tight hug. His arms wrapped around him and tightened, crushing him against his body. He buried his head into Jaejoong’s neck and cried. His hands clutched Jaejoong’s shirt. Jaejoong just let his voice get louder, tears falling like rains. He hit Yunho’s arms around him.
“D-don’t j-judge me, please.” He sobbed and pressed his back against Yunho. “Not you” He rested his head on Yunho’s shoulder and cried. “Please not you. Don’t hate me, please, don’t”
Yunho nuzzled his head deeper into Jaejoong’s neck and breathed.
“Stupid…” He muttered in between sobs. “So, so stupid…”
They stayed like this for a while. Jaejoong’s body pressed against Yunho’s. The latter’s arms never loosening.
“I will never hate you” yunho whispered and hugged Jaejoong tighter. “I’m sorry for judging you. God, I’m sorry I wasn’t there” He added lowering his head.
Jaejoong raised his hand to the back and caressed Yunho’s hair. “Don’t, it’s not your fault” Jaejoong said hoarsely. He unclasped Yunho’s arms around him and turned around. He wiped Yunho’s face and kissed his cheek. He then took his hand and led him to the living room and sat down on the couch, dragging Yunho beside him.
“Will you stop if I asked you to?” Yunho asked, elbows resting on his knees and chin resting on his fisted hands.
Jaejoong sighed and rested his head on the arm of the couch.
“I don’t know”
+++
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