I just found out that someone I went to high school and middle school died of covid. She was my age. I just reconnected with her last year. She was nice to me. We chatted and caught up. She said she thought I was living a cool life now ( Read more... )

I had a dream that the DJ that came to see me in January was here visiting again. But something went wrong with his flight and he had to come and hang out at my house with my family. It was weird. I woke up feeling weird ( Read more... )

Three years ago today I was moving in to this apartment that I am living in now. We moved the last of everything today. We spent one night in the apartment, and then Chad died the next day. He worked a graveyard shift at an Arco gas station in 29 Palms. The last text I sent was photos of Hope in their new bedroom. I had been living in a studio with ( Read more... )

I had a dream last night that I was traveling via submarine. We were going somewhere and the choices were the car or the sub. The car ride was a lot longer so I chose the sub. but the sub was scary, srarted leaking, we had to stop for a whole day and we were in this desert. There was a small oasis with water but mostly just desert. The last thing I ( Read more... )

It's either a really good thing or a really bad thing that we got our government stimuluses in the worst week of the year for me... I have a very hard time dealing with life during the time in between March 15th and March 24th every year since Chad's accident. We saw him for the last time on March 15th, which is also Hope's birthday. Then he died ( Read more... )

I spent a lovely day in the city with M yesterday. Our plan was to go to Seattle to pick up a friend who had surgery and take them home to recover. The friend ended up having to stay in the hospital overnight so we just hung out in Seattle. We mostly just drove around, and got lost. I am absolutely terrible with directions, even when I have google ( Read more... )

I'm struggling at work. I have been having migraines more frequently, like almost every day I wake up and my head is pinging. It feels like a "ping" of pain. Ping ping ping. Throbbing and stabbing. I felt like this yesterday and I went to work anyway, I figured that I would be alright as long as the music wasn't too loud. The music was fine but my ( Read more... )

An instagrammer that I follow recently moved, and she was talking about all the crazy bullshit that she has gone through in her move and the fact that it is also mercury retrograde right now. I checked, and in 2018, the retrograde started just a couple of days before Chad died, and ended a couple days after his funeral. He died the first night we ( Read more... )

My hips are giving me a hard time. I am only working 2 days a week right now, ten hour days. But my hips hurt like they're on fire. I worked 2 days ago, on Tuesday. Today is Thursday and my hips still hurt. I can't sleep because putting pressure on my hip joint at night sleeping on my side hurts a lot. I can't sleep on my back but I'm trying ( Read more... )

This month is full of landmines. I can't go a whole day without thinking about what was happening to me 6 years ago, in 2015. I can't look at my FB memories without being seriously triggered. I feel like I am full of broken glass ( Read more... )