Fic: When We Are Happy
Author: Stephanie (Gildedmuse)
Series: When We Are Happy
Chapter: Six: Day Out
Pairing: Roger/Mark
Rating: Pg-13 (Language)
Word Count: 5,820
Summary: Mark and Roger have fun dragging Mark's neice and nephews around the Carnival. At least Roger has fun...
Author Notes: This is a continuation of Feline Jealousy, although this chapter doesn't have any Cohen. Mainly, it's just an excuse for some fluff. I'm pretty sure this will be the second to last chapter. It was supposed to be the last, but ended running a little long...
Past Chapters: Part One/Two, Part Three/Four
Part Five
(All chapters at FF.NET)
Cross-Posting: _rentfic,rentslash,fuckingartists & below14thstreet
When We Are Happy
Chapter Six: Day Out
He just needs to get a little higher. Just a little. If mommy had bought him those shoes like the ones Matt got, than he'd be that tall. Adam just has to stretch himself out a little more, bouncing on his toes. "Um... UMPH!" So close.
"It's no use, Adam," Amanda says, shaking her head. Her blonde ponytail almost smacks him in the face. He pouts and tries to hit it away, then goes back to standing on his tiptoes and jumping up. He's almost there, if he just had more hair or something! It's not that far! "You're too short."
"I am not!" He isn't too short! He isn't that much shorter than Amanda, anyway, and she's tall enough to ride. He tries to spike his hair up the best he can, standing on his tiptoes again. He isn't too short. His daddy says he's gotten so tall and he is always right. He has marks on the fridge and they're tall. If he were here, he would tell them that Adam is tall enough to ride the roller coaster even if he can't hit the stupid bar they have set up just to keep him off.
Uncle Mark bends down, holding his hand up to Adam's head. Adam backs away, looking at his hand. No! He must have lowered it or something! Adam isn't short! "Look," Uncle Mark says, sighing as he stands back up before Adam has time to jump under his hand again. Adam starts to pout, already knowing Uncle Mark is going to be mean. He doesn't like him. He cheated. "Maybe we should ride something else."
"No! Amanda shrieks, wrapping her arms around Uncle Mark and pulling at his shirt like she does with every adult when she wants her way. Adam glares at her, too. She shouldn't like Uncle Mark so much. He's cheating. "No! I want to ride."
Even Matt who should be on Adam's side looks upset. Tearing off his headphones and Adam can hear the loud music blasting from them, he looks from Adam to the sign. "This is so freakin lame. All the other rides are baby rides."
"I am not a baby!" Adam shouts, hitting at Matt, who punches him hard in the arm before Uncle Mark pushes him back. He isn't a baby and he isn't short. Uncle Mark cheated to make it look that way and now they're not going to let him ride.
Amanda still hasn't given up with pulling at Uncle Mark's shirt. "I wanna ride the roller coaster!"
Before Adam can scream at her again, he's being picked up. Way up past the sign. He looks over at Roger, who will probably yell at Mark for cheating. Only he doesn't! "I'll take him on the carousel."
Pouting, Adam is carried away from the cool, big kid ride. It's unfair! He is to tall enough, no matter what Uncle Mark thinks and or some stupid sign says. He isn't a baby! He isn't, he isn't, he isn't!
Roger walks through the park towards one goofy looking ride with a big, colorful umbrella on top. It's playing girly music, too. Adam looks over his shoulder at the roller coaster. It's so cool looking, all big and fast. He should be riding that with Matt. "Thanks, buddy." Adam looks at Roger but he is not going to stop pouting. He wants everyone to know how mean his family and uncle is that they cheated just so that he couldn't have fun with them. "I thought I was going to have to get on that roller coaster," Roger says, bouncing Adam in his arms but he isn't going to smile. "Thanks for getting me out of it."
Hmm? Adam has to stop pouting for a second so that he can think about what Roger said. Like...he didn't want to ride the roller coaster? It doesn't make sense, because the ride is cool and Roger is cool so it doesn't make sense. "You didn't want to go on the roller coaster?" Why would Roger not want to get on a cool ride like the one Matt wants to go on?
"It's not cool," Roger says, and Adam isn't sure if he's lying or not. Roger wouldn't lie, but then Matt wouldn't want to ride the roller coaster unless it was the best ride here. Matt doesn't do stupid, baby stuff. "I hate roller coasters. This is gonna be a lot more fun."
Adam looks around at the line that is around the carousel. Most of the kids are his age (which means they're NOT babies). None of the parents look half as cool as Roger, but all the kids are let on without having to stand next to some stupid sign to see how tall they are. This is a much better ride. Only, they have to wait in line and that is going to take forever. Adam waits about three seconds, but it feels like hours, in Roger's arms before he can't take it anymore. "This is going to take forever," Adam points out as they stand there, and they don't seem to be moving forward at all. Adam might die in this line.
Roger frowns a bit, getting on his tiptoes to look over the heads of all the other people waiting in line. "Yeah... Come on."
He gets back out of line and starts moving around the carousel. "But I want to ride!" Adam screeches, afraid he made it so Roger isn't going to stand in line and ride anything with him. Then Amanda and Matt will have all the fun and Adam will get in trouble for not being quiet in line. It's unfair! Daddy wouldn't pull him out of line if he were here.
"I know, buddy," Roger says, and they're at the ride again but not in line. Just standing there, watching other kids who get to ride. Adam starts to pout again. "Just give me a second, okay?" How are they going to get on if they're not in line? Adam thinks Roger is crazy and lying to him, but he nods anyway. Maybe he knows some sort of secret for cutting onto rides.
He does! They get to the gate around the carousel and Roger starts to push it open just like that, without any line at all. Adam cries out hurray, pumping his hands in the air at the victory. That is when some girl comes over to them. "Excuse me, sir, you're supposed to stand in line." Oh, she's like a teacher. She's going to get them in trouble and ruin all their fun.
Only Roger doesn't go back in line. "Hey, sorry about that," he says, putting Adam on the ground and smiling at the girl. Adam pouts, hiding himself from her behind Roger. He doesn't like getting into trouble. "My sister sort of abandoned her kid with me, though, and I just want to get him on this ride, you know? Trying to wear him out before my band practice tonight."
Adam didn't know Roger was in band. Like the ones that Matt listens to? That seems impossible, because the guys in bands like that are... Adam isn't sure, but it seems impossible. Roger keeps getting closer to this girl as he tells the story, and she seems to think he could be in a band. "Well... Umm... I... I guess...." She sounds like Amanda when she giggles. It's weird.
"Big thanks," Roger says to the girl, leaning down to pick Adam up again and carry him onto the ride.
"Mommy isn't your sister," he points out as they walk around the small track, until he finds this awesome black horse to climb up onto (with only a little help from Roger). He climbs to the giant, plastic horse, watching as Roger climbs onto the one next with him and laughs. It's all white and pretty, with flowers in his hair. It looks silly, for Roger to be on it.
"Nah, but I thought she might believe me a little more if I told her you were my nephew," Roger explains, and Adam doesn't really get how this would help, but he nods so that Roger doesn't think he's stupid. Maybe you can't get on unless you're with your mommy or daddy. Adam would have to ask Matt. He knows almost everything about these sorts of things.
"Are you really in a band?" Matt asks, moving right into his next question as the other kids who had to wait in line get onto the ride.
"Hold on tight when the ride starts," Roger says, leaning over to wrap Adam's arms around the leather strap thing connected to the horse. "And yeah, I play guitar."
Adam nods, holding onto the horse as the ride jerks and then starts up. Whoa. Roger plays the guitar, can get them past lines, and would rather hang out with Adam then ride a roller coaster. He's probably even cooler than Matt.
*
"Uncle Ma-a-a-a-ark!"
"Yeah, Amanda?"
Kids are exhausting. He is starting to remember why, when his dad made him work at the hospital that summer, he didn't go down to the baby ward with Cindy. And it wasn't because he didn't want to see woman giving birth, either (actually, he was sort of curious about that, in a way that is strange even for a fourteen year old boy). No, it's because kids are loud and needy and always need attention and approval and, God, they're like mini-Rogers only with less of the internalized brooding.
Anyway, he is never making a documentary with kids in it. That is for sure.
"Uncle Maaaaark!" Amanda is still tugging at his shirt, although at least she has stop bouncing around. Mark supposes this is a small blessing that probably won't last very long. Did Cindy give the kids crack before she left them with him? No, only Amanda. Matt won't stop dragging his feet and kicking at bottles on the ground as they walk towards the carousel. Mark knows he never really respected authority at that age, but he isn't exactly a real authority so what the fuck is wrong with the kid? "I want to ride the spinning ride!"
Of course she does. Is there ever a second where these kids don't want something? Adam wants to get on the roller coaster, Amanda wants a teddy bear from the game booths, Matt wants to go home. If Mark was this demanding when he was a kid, his dad would have hit him. Or maybe this is just wishful thinking on his part. Not that he wants to smack his nephews and niece. Mark just isn't use to all this noise. It's coming from everywhere, even worse than back in the city. At least then he can disengage from everything around him, just walk down the street in a near complete silence within himself. Mark is the sort of person who needs to be alone every now and then, not physically but mentally cut off from everything around him so he can gather his thoughts.
Hard to do that when he's in charge of two kids; a coke addict and a mini-Roger. Maybe there is a good reason why Mark decided to start obsessively pining over Roger again after all these years instead of going back to his obsessive pining of Maureen like he's been doing for the last three or four. Maybe he really, really doesn't want to get stuck with kids.
"We'll go on the spinning ride," Mark promises, not even knowing what the hell Amanda is talking about. He wouldn't even be here if Roger hadn't agreed to it and before Mark could get over the shock, Cindy was already heading out of the loft. Who would have thought Roger would want to spend all day with a bunch of kids? "We just have to pick up Adam and Roger, first."
"What if Adam isn't tall enough again?" Amanda vaguely reminds Mark of some sort of Cindy and Maureen mix, only more clingy and giggly than either of them. That makes his stomach twist, thinking about his ex-girlfriend and sister mating. God, that has to be the grosses thing his mind has ever come up with, and Mark is a visual person. His mind has managed to come up with a lot of disgusting things.
To distract himself from the mental imagine and Amanda's bouncing next to him, he tries to think of something that would be more disturbing. Maybe... Benny and Joanne going at it? No, Maureen and Cindy still win. Oh, fucking great. That's burned into his mind, now.
"He won't be," Mark says, as if he is supposed to know all these answers. They couldn't have just driven down to Scarsdale and left the kids with Mom and Dad? They'd probably be much better at this than Mark and Roger. He loves Roger, yeah, but he can't imagine he's very good with kids. Well, he's been doing okay with Adam, so far so maybe Mark shouldn't judge so quickly.
Still, he won't be surprise to get to the carousel and find Adam abandoned.
"Jesus," Mark says as they get to the ride to see the line twisting around and around the ride, children and parents locked into the circle with small iron gates. Seems like everyone who wasn't tall enough for whatever the fuck they were on (it made Mark feel kind of sick, but he would never admit that) got pushed over here. "Do you think they even got on yet?"
"Maybe they went home," Amanda says, tiny hands clutching Mark's shirt. He wonders if all of Cindy's clothes have these indents where Amanda's hands go.
Mark stops at the edge of the crowd, trying to jump up to see into the line and try and find Roger and Adam. He figures it would be easy to spot an old rock star holding a three year old. He didn't expect so many New York parents to have bleached out hair and tattoos. "No, they wouldn't just leave without telling us..." At least, he hopes Roger would comes back to try and save Mark before he left.
When they stop, Matt takes off his headphones, apparently only so he can insult his sister. "Maybe you're an idiot."
Amanda looks over Mark's back and sticks her tongue out at Matt. Mark decides he sort of deserves it, so he doesn't stop her. He is too busy jumping around like an idiot, trying to spot Roger and Adam in the line and wondering if they have a loud speaker to announce if a child has been found abandoned by the carousel or not. Jesus, maybe he shouldn't have left Adam with Roger after all.
As the panicked thought is really starting to set in, the carousel turns and there are two guys on horses, fake shooting the horses in front of them. Wait... Small kid with floppy blonde hair, handsome guy with bleached out hair and tattoos up his arms and that bright, face splitting smile. It takes Mark a second to shake himself out of staring and convince himself he isn't just hallucinating this whole scene. Or dreaming. This is definitely something he would dream after eating too much Indian food.
In case Mark had any doubt, Amanda jumps up, pointing and waving her hand wildly. "There they are!" she screams, jumping up and drawing all sorts of attention to them. None from Roger and Adam, though, who continue spinning around on the ride, apparently keeping track of how many little girls in front of them they can shot down. Mark makes a note to tell Cindy that he can't keep the kids next time, because he already has to deal with his own.
Sighing, Mark moves Amanda off of him enough that he can starts jumping higher, waving his hand around like a mad man to try and flag down his boyfriend. It's definitely not why he moved to New York City.
"Roger!" Mark calls, like he's going to be heard over the music and the crowd and the loud, crunching sound of the gears that make the carousal somehow seem even more dangerous than the Roller Coaster of Immediate and Fast Paced and Rocky Death or whatever the ride had been called. "Roger! Adam! Over here!"
On their next turn around, Roger and Adam seem intent on shooting the crowd, but at least this gets them to notice Mark. Adam first, waving and jumping around on the horse, and then Roger, looking up from his crossed hands that form a gun and frowning until he sees what Adam is going crazy over. Mark calms down once he's been spotted, letting Amanda attach to his leg again. At least now Roger can find them when he gets off the ride.
Only Roger doesn't do waiting very well. Still turning around on the carousal, Roger jumps off his plastic horse, grabbing Adam from his. Mark gets a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach as Roger scoops up his youngest nephew. "What are they doing?" Amanda asks, nails digging into Mark's arm as she tries to pick herself up and see more.
Roger jumps off the carousal, pushing past the crowd to get to Mark before the ride has even come to a stop. If Cindy were here she'd probably kill her brother. "Hey," Roger says, setting Adam down and ignoring the bad looks the moms are giving him.
"You didn't have to get off," Mark points out, trying to get Amanda to retract her claws and pull them out of his arm. "You guys must have just gotten on, right?" The line looks like it has to take forever to get too, especially since every adult looks like they have four or five children just growing out of them.
"We've been riding for HOURS," Adam says, grabbing for Roger's hand and swinging it to and fro. It seems unfair that Roger got the one that wants to hold hands and Mark got the one who wants to peel his skin off.
"You have?" Mark looks back to Roger, raising an eyebrow. Roger just flashes that old smile of his and shrugs. Amazing. Mark hasn't seen that smile in forever, and what is it doing here now? He hasn't seen that smile since... God, it has to have been back when April was still alive. Nothing Mark has done made him smile like that. Nothing Mimi had done it out, either. Mark had figured it was just a lost part of Roger, something left behind in the rush to separate him from the rock star junkie that he'd been. "How'd you do that?"
Roger keeps smiling, and the three-second silence seems like enough to bore Amanda. The answer to this is to dig her nails into Mark even harder, and fuck Cindy needs to get this kid a scratching post. "I want to ride the spinning thing!" she yells. At least it feels like she yells it into his ear, bouncing beside him. It can't be cocaine, Mark reminds himself, it just seems like that.
"Okay, okay." He tries pulling away from Amanda, and she just clings harder. It might not be so bad if she didn't have nails like talons. "We'll go ride the spinny thing."
"Roger can get us on fast," Adam promises as Roger picks him back up. That kid has spent more time in Roger's arms in this day than Mark has, probably, in the collective week. Not that he's jealous of his four-year-old nephew. It's just a thought. "Can't you, Roger?"
"We'll have to see if a cute girl is working there or not," Roger says, flipping Adam over his shoulders. Adam squeals, clutching to his neck and fucking beaming and, okay, the kid looks a little cute when he's happy. Still, Mark doesn't - Wait? Cute girl? Well, that explains the smile, anyway. He rolls his eyes, dragging Amanda along as they head towards the ride with Matt, having not listened to a word outside of his headphones, trudging along after them. It's far from your ideal family photo.
*
"Matty's a baby..."
Even if Mark isn't exactly the most responsible uncle in the world, he does draw the line somewhere, and teasing Matt for throwing up seems to be going a little too far. He's sure that vomiting over himself while trying to appear cool and stoic was not the highlight of his teenage year. Actually, Matt looks just about ready to kill himself.
"Matt," Mark says, grabbing Amanda's shoulders and pulling her back, hoping that would put her in her place. At least jostle her enough that she can't make more fun of Matt. She's acting like Cindy did, when Mark went through his Marx phase and didn't want to have anything to do with the rest of the world. Only Matt is going through his punk rock stage and covered in vomit. He might actually win for worse off. "Why don't you go into the bathroom. I'll send Roger in when he gets back."
He sent Roger and Adam (who might as well have become Roger's extra limb) off to get Matt a clean shirt. He's thinking they must have got caught up playing a game of some sort. They really should be back by now. There is something about being with a sick kid that makes Mark want to be at least a little more responsible with his nieces and nephews. Anything to keep from more vomiting.
Matt nods, and Mark can see all those gears turning in his head. Convincing himself that this is the worst day ever, and he's truly the most unlucky person in the world. Yeah right, Mark wants to say, wait until your girlfriend tells you that you turned her into a lesbian. Still, he is pretty miserable, and lets the whole world know it as he drags himself into the bathroom.
He isn't gone too long before Roger comes galloping over - yeah, pretty much that is how Mark would describe it, with Adam on his shoulders. Mark isn't jealous of a four year old, because their relationships with Roger can't even be compared. Still, the first thought that pops into Mark's head is that, really, he should be the one riding Roger.
God, he is messed up.
"Amanda!" Adam sings as Roger puts him down on the ground. "Look! Look! I won you something!" He holds out a bright, bright pink bag made out of a shiny material with glittery flowers stuck to the sides. It's the tackiest thing Mark has ever seen. It looks like the kind of thing Maureen would wear.
It does, however, get Amanda to let go of him. She squeals, grabbing the bag from Adam and wrapping him into this huge hug that is probably strangling the kid. Mark gives Roger a look; a very nearly parental look. "You were supposed to buy a shirt."
"We did," Roger says and holds out a shirt as proof. "We played twelve rounds of skeeball for it, too." Mark makes a quick note to not let Roger go shopping much anymore, even if it isn't their money he is wasting.
"Here," Mark says, snatching the shirt from Roger. He pries Adam away from Amanda and gives him the shirt. "Take this into your brother, okay?" Adam looks at him, then to Roger who shrugs. That's all it takes, and Adam nods, running into the bathroom with the shirt dragging behind him. Mark almost feels like pouting and pointing out that he's the kid's uncle, but he resists the urge. It's not like he's even that fond of kids, so who cares if Adam is more attached to Roger?
"Hold this," Amanda announces, shoving the gaudy pink purse into Mark's hands. "I have to use the bathroom," she explains, quickly giving Mark yet another hug before she runs off into the restroom where, Mark assumes, she'll just attach herself to someone else.
So, this is what having kids is like. Long, hot summer days out with a teenager who hates you, an eight year old with claws, and a four year old unable to make a decision unless Roger approves. Whining, annoying... Mark is kind of glad Maureen decided she liked girls before they had time to mate. It isn't that he hates them. No, he loves his nephews and niece even if he's pretty sure Matt wants him dead and Amanda is some weird hybrid of girl and clinging cat. Even if Roger is giving Adam more attention than he's given Mark since they started this relationship, if you can even call it a relationship since the most physical Roger ever gets is when he's asleep and he holds onto Mark like he's afraid he'll jump up and leave during the night. It's not like Mark is jealous of the attention his supposed boyfriend - and that is what they agreed to, isn't it? - is giving his nephew, but it be nice if he got some of that as well. He's just frustrated. Frustrated like when Maureen broke up with him and all Mark had for company was his right hand frustrated. Frustrated like when he was sixteen and his dad promised to take him to the Toronto film festival and cancelled at the last minute frustrated. Frustrated like when he went to Brown to write scripts and everyone in his classes were pompous assholes who thought everything they did qualified as the highest art just because they had daddy's budget to back them frustrated.
Put all that together, and that is how Mark is feeling about the Roger situation right now. He's been able to choke it down, pretend it's not really happening for a while now. After all, Roger told Mimi about them (and the fact that they had kidnapped Cohen) and that was a huge step, right? You don't just tell your ex-girlfriend, one of the loves of your life, the girl who saved you from living alone, that you love your best friend and want to be with him unless you really, really mean it, right? Maybe it's cold and callus, but it had been a victory for Mark. Not over Mimi, but a victory nonetheless.
Roger is the over-romantic songwriter who believes in true love awakening some inner senses. Mark is the critical, bohemian filmmaker who believes love changes and transcends and, yeah, it's okay to be in love with a lesbian and then your best (male) friend because sexuality and love aren't fixed or solid. There is no such thing as love at first sight, and Mark gets that. The problem is he's also obsessive, like how he couldn't quite get Maureen out of his mind even after she left him. Like how he knows on some level that Roger loves him, but damnit he wants more than kissy faces and cuddling on the couch and he will obsess over ever little thing Roger does until Mark gets what he wants.
And, really, when it comes down to it, Mark wants to have sex.
Instead he's standing in the middle of an amusement park on Coney Island, melting under the summer sun while he stands around a couple of dirty looking bathrooms, waiting on his niece and nephews to come out while Roger stands there - Mark looks to his side, watching Roger as he shakes, this huge grin splitting his face - while Roger stands there laughing at him. "What?"
That smile looks like it might actually begin to hurt. "I don't think it goes with your outfit," Roger says, and Mark raises an eyebrow. What does that mean? Doesn't match his - oh, hell. He looks down to the plastic purse he's holding against his chest, a splash of pink against his dark blue thrift store T-shirt.
Okay, he smiles just a little at that. "Well, I left my blue one at home," he explains, and that earns him a nice laugh from Roger. Mark is still miserable, running the facts over and over again in his head and trying to figure out what is so wrong with him that Roger won't do more than kiss him, but right then at least he feels like a good friend. "I don't know how you managed to get Adam to like you so much."
Still wearing this bright smile (that Mark put there... sort of, at least), Roger shrugs. "I don't know. The kid is easy to take care of."
That isn't exactly the answer Mark would expect. "I thought being in charge of them for the day would drive you insane." Well, at least it is driving him insane so he doesn't see how Roger can strand there and take it all without looking the least stressed out. It's unfair. Roger shouldn't be better with kids than Mark is, it just doesn't make sense. Not that Mark prides himself on being good with kids and he admits that, but Roger is an ex-junkie rock star. It feels wrong, for Adam to like him so much so quickly.
"They're just a couple of kids," Roger answers, and he really sounds like he means it. "I use to baby-sit all the time." Okay, that gets an eyebrow raise from Mark. Who the hell, other than Cindy, would trust Roger alone with a child? And, okay, maybe he's been doing a decent job with Adam. Still, it's all too counterintuitive with his bleached out hair and tattoos. A bit like seeing Joanne in a dress; Mark just can't fathom it no matter how hard he puts his imagination to work. "I mean, well, my mom worked in a nursery and I helped out," Rogers explains. "Fender Guitars aren't cheap, you know."
Mark smiles, just a bit, imagining a seventeen year old Roger running around holding a bunch of babies, complaining to his mom about buying that guitar he wants. "Sounds cute." Roger just shrugs again and, well, it seems like the perfect time so Mark leans in and brushes his lips up against Roger's.
It's just a small kiss, but the second they get close Roger jumps back. Fuck, it's even worse than usual. At least normally, Roger lets him kiss. Mark can't help it. He's confused as hell and his mind won't stop flashing all these details and ideas over and over again, like a stuck reel of film about why Roger won't let him get too close. "Not now," Roger mutters, moving back for Mark like he's going to jump forward and attack.
If Roger keeps backing away, he just might.
"Why the fuck not?" He should probably stick to better language, considering they're surrounded by kids and all, but hell they'll hear worse eventually. Let them see what a real relationship is like when your boyfriend is an indecisive and apparently chaste asshole. It will be good for them. He should try and teach this to Cindy's kids. Look, don't date your best friend no matter how much you love him. You're going to be sexless, confused, and miserable if you do and all his cute little smiles in the world aren't going to make up for that.
Right now Roger isn't even trying to smile. He isn't even looking at Mark. "We're in the middle of -"
"So?" Mark asks before Roger can even finish. He can't use that excuse. They've both done worse in worse places, and he knows Roger isn't shy. "It doesn't matter and you know it. Hell, you won't even let me kiss you back at home." This is like their last fight, and it feels like forever ago and at the same time still fresh on his mind. Mark doesn't open up much, but Roger manages to weasel his way in just enough so that when Mark finally can't take it anymore, he explodes. "It's like I have the fucking plague."
Even if Mark is on the verge of losing his temper, he is still clear headed enough that he can see the flash across Roger's face. A familiar expression that makes everything fall into place. Shit, why hadn't Mark thought of that before? He stumbles over his rant for a moment, unsure of what to say. He should have seen that before, but in all his obsessions with why he managed to fucking skip right over the most obvious reason in the world.
"You think that matters?" Mark asks once he gets some of his bearings back. At least enough to start speaking again, even if he is still feeling like an idiot. "Roger, I love you no matter -"
"What the fuck?" Mark jumps, and for a panicked second all he can think is that Matt is going to tell Cindy, which is the last thing Mark needs right now. When Matt storms up to them, though, Mark figured out damn quick what's wrong. Thank God teenagers are self-absorbed. "What the hell is this?"
Adam comes hurrying out after Matt, cowering behind Roger even as he points at Matt from around his leg. "Mommy says not to say those words." Matt glowers at Adam, and Mark can't blame the poor kid for hiding behind Roger.
"You can't expect me to wear this!" There isn't anything wrong with the baggy shirt, really. Maybe the rainbow and colorful writing that said 'Family Fun' weren't the best fashion statement for a teenage, but over all his years in New York Mark has been stuck in much worse. Fuck, the first winter all he had were sweaters his mom sent him. Mark isn't fashion conscious, but even he realized how fucking cheesy and horrible the poofy looking things were.
"It's not that bad," Roger says, lifting Adam into his arms again. Mark has a feeling he's just glad for the distraction and change of subject. "Hey, Mark, why don't you wait for Amanda while I take Matt and Adam for hotdogs?" Yeah, that's definitely Roger in escape mode. At least he isn't running of to Santa Fe. Just to the hotdog stand.
Mark sighs. What he wants to do is tie Roger down and not let him up until they've figure this out. He has a feeling Cindy would kill him if he tried anything like that with her kids around. "Yeah, sure," he mutters, hating that he's being so easy on Roger. Hating himself for overlooking what should have been damn obvious in the first place. Roger flashes him a smile and, with Adam in his arms and a very kill-me-now looking Matt dragging himself along after him, he heads off.
It's just as well, Mark thinks as he leans against the wall and waits on Amanda. He'd probably just get jealous of the fucking hotdog, anyway.
Additional Chapters:
Part Seven: Have A Kitten
(All chapters at FF.NET)
Series: When We Are Happy
Chapter: Six: Day Out
Pairing: Roger/Mark
Rating: Pg-13 (Language)
Word Count: 5,820
Summary: Mark and Roger have fun dragging Mark's neice and nephews around the Carnival. At least Roger has fun...
Author Notes: This is a continuation of Feline Jealousy, although this chapter doesn't have any Cohen. Mainly, it's just an excuse for some fluff. I'm pretty sure this will be the second to last chapter. It was supposed to be the last, but ended running a little long...
Past Chapters: Part One/Two, Part Three/Four
Part Five
(All chapters at FF.NET)
Cross-Posting: _rentfic,rentslash,fuckingartists & below14thstreet
When We Are Happy
Chapter Six: Day Out
He just needs to get a little higher. Just a little. If mommy had bought him those shoes like the ones Matt got, than he'd be that tall. Adam just has to stretch himself out a little more, bouncing on his toes. "Um... UMPH!" So close.
"It's no use, Adam," Amanda says, shaking her head. Her blonde ponytail almost smacks him in the face. He pouts and tries to hit it away, then goes back to standing on his tiptoes and jumping up. He's almost there, if he just had more hair or something! It's not that far! "You're too short."
"I am not!" He isn't too short! He isn't that much shorter than Amanda, anyway, and she's tall enough to ride. He tries to spike his hair up the best he can, standing on his tiptoes again. He isn't too short. His daddy says he's gotten so tall and he is always right. He has marks on the fridge and they're tall. If he were here, he would tell them that Adam is tall enough to ride the roller coaster even if he can't hit the stupid bar they have set up just to keep him off.
Uncle Mark bends down, holding his hand up to Adam's head. Adam backs away, looking at his hand. No! He must have lowered it or something! Adam isn't short! "Look," Uncle Mark says, sighing as he stands back up before Adam has time to jump under his hand again. Adam starts to pout, already knowing Uncle Mark is going to be mean. He doesn't like him. He cheated. "Maybe we should ride something else."
"No! Amanda shrieks, wrapping her arms around Uncle Mark and pulling at his shirt like she does with every adult when she wants her way. Adam glares at her, too. She shouldn't like Uncle Mark so much. He's cheating. "No! I want to ride."
Even Matt who should be on Adam's side looks upset. Tearing off his headphones and Adam can hear the loud music blasting from them, he looks from Adam to the sign. "This is so freakin lame. All the other rides are baby rides."
"I am not a baby!" Adam shouts, hitting at Matt, who punches him hard in the arm before Uncle Mark pushes him back. He isn't a baby and he isn't short. Uncle Mark cheated to make it look that way and now they're not going to let him ride.
Amanda still hasn't given up with pulling at Uncle Mark's shirt. "I wanna ride the roller coaster!"
Before Adam can scream at her again, he's being picked up. Way up past the sign. He looks over at Roger, who will probably yell at Mark for cheating. Only he doesn't! "I'll take him on the carousel."
Pouting, Adam is carried away from the cool, big kid ride. It's unfair! He is to tall enough, no matter what Uncle Mark thinks and or some stupid sign says. He isn't a baby! He isn't, he isn't, he isn't!
Roger walks through the park towards one goofy looking ride with a big, colorful umbrella on top. It's playing girly music, too. Adam looks over his shoulder at the roller coaster. It's so cool looking, all big and fast. He should be riding that with Matt. "Thanks, buddy." Adam looks at Roger but he is not going to stop pouting. He wants everyone to know how mean his family and uncle is that they cheated just so that he couldn't have fun with them. "I thought I was going to have to get on that roller coaster," Roger says, bouncing Adam in his arms but he isn't going to smile. "Thanks for getting me out of it."
Hmm? Adam has to stop pouting for a second so that he can think about what Roger said. Like...he didn't want to ride the roller coaster? It doesn't make sense, because the ride is cool and Roger is cool so it doesn't make sense. "You didn't want to go on the roller coaster?" Why would Roger not want to get on a cool ride like the one Matt wants to go on?
"It's not cool," Roger says, and Adam isn't sure if he's lying or not. Roger wouldn't lie, but then Matt wouldn't want to ride the roller coaster unless it was the best ride here. Matt doesn't do stupid, baby stuff. "I hate roller coasters. This is gonna be a lot more fun."
Adam looks around at the line that is around the carousel. Most of the kids are his age (which means they're NOT babies). None of the parents look half as cool as Roger, but all the kids are let on without having to stand next to some stupid sign to see how tall they are. This is a much better ride. Only, they have to wait in line and that is going to take forever. Adam waits about three seconds, but it feels like hours, in Roger's arms before he can't take it anymore. "This is going to take forever," Adam points out as they stand there, and they don't seem to be moving forward at all. Adam might die in this line.
Roger frowns a bit, getting on his tiptoes to look over the heads of all the other people waiting in line. "Yeah... Come on."
He gets back out of line and starts moving around the carousel. "But I want to ride!" Adam screeches, afraid he made it so Roger isn't going to stand in line and ride anything with him. Then Amanda and Matt will have all the fun and Adam will get in trouble for not being quiet in line. It's unfair! Daddy wouldn't pull him out of line if he were here.
"I know, buddy," Roger says, and they're at the ride again but not in line. Just standing there, watching other kids who get to ride. Adam starts to pout again. "Just give me a second, okay?" How are they going to get on if they're not in line? Adam thinks Roger is crazy and lying to him, but he nods anyway. Maybe he knows some sort of secret for cutting onto rides.
He does! They get to the gate around the carousel and Roger starts to push it open just like that, without any line at all. Adam cries out hurray, pumping his hands in the air at the victory. That is when some girl comes over to them. "Excuse me, sir, you're supposed to stand in line." Oh, she's like a teacher. She's going to get them in trouble and ruin all their fun.
Only Roger doesn't go back in line. "Hey, sorry about that," he says, putting Adam on the ground and smiling at the girl. Adam pouts, hiding himself from her behind Roger. He doesn't like getting into trouble. "My sister sort of abandoned her kid with me, though, and I just want to get him on this ride, you know? Trying to wear him out before my band practice tonight."
Adam didn't know Roger was in band. Like the ones that Matt listens to? That seems impossible, because the guys in bands like that are... Adam isn't sure, but it seems impossible. Roger keeps getting closer to this girl as he tells the story, and she seems to think he could be in a band. "Well... Umm... I... I guess...." She sounds like Amanda when she giggles. It's weird.
"Big thanks," Roger says to the girl, leaning down to pick Adam up again and carry him onto the ride.
"Mommy isn't your sister," he points out as they walk around the small track, until he finds this awesome black horse to climb up onto (with only a little help from Roger). He climbs to the giant, plastic horse, watching as Roger climbs onto the one next with him and laughs. It's all white and pretty, with flowers in his hair. It looks silly, for Roger to be on it.
"Nah, but I thought she might believe me a little more if I told her you were my nephew," Roger explains, and Adam doesn't really get how this would help, but he nods so that Roger doesn't think he's stupid. Maybe you can't get on unless you're with your mommy or daddy. Adam would have to ask Matt. He knows almost everything about these sorts of things.
"Are you really in a band?" Matt asks, moving right into his next question as the other kids who had to wait in line get onto the ride.
"Hold on tight when the ride starts," Roger says, leaning over to wrap Adam's arms around the leather strap thing connected to the horse. "And yeah, I play guitar."
Adam nods, holding onto the horse as the ride jerks and then starts up. Whoa. Roger plays the guitar, can get them past lines, and would rather hang out with Adam then ride a roller coaster. He's probably even cooler than Matt.
*
"Uncle Ma-a-a-a-ark!"
"Yeah, Amanda?"
Kids are exhausting. He is starting to remember why, when his dad made him work at the hospital that summer, he didn't go down to the baby ward with Cindy. And it wasn't because he didn't want to see woman giving birth, either (actually, he was sort of curious about that, in a way that is strange even for a fourteen year old boy). No, it's because kids are loud and needy and always need attention and approval and, God, they're like mini-Rogers only with less of the internalized brooding.
Anyway, he is never making a documentary with kids in it. That is for sure.
"Uncle Maaaaark!" Amanda is still tugging at his shirt, although at least she has stop bouncing around. Mark supposes this is a small blessing that probably won't last very long. Did Cindy give the kids crack before she left them with him? No, only Amanda. Matt won't stop dragging his feet and kicking at bottles on the ground as they walk towards the carousel. Mark knows he never really respected authority at that age, but he isn't exactly a real authority so what the fuck is wrong with the kid? "I want to ride the spinning ride!"
Of course she does. Is there ever a second where these kids don't want something? Adam wants to get on the roller coaster, Amanda wants a teddy bear from the game booths, Matt wants to go home. If Mark was this demanding when he was a kid, his dad would have hit him. Or maybe this is just wishful thinking on his part. Not that he wants to smack his nephews and niece. Mark just isn't use to all this noise. It's coming from everywhere, even worse than back in the city. At least then he can disengage from everything around him, just walk down the street in a near complete silence within himself. Mark is the sort of person who needs to be alone every now and then, not physically but mentally cut off from everything around him so he can gather his thoughts.
Hard to do that when he's in charge of two kids; a coke addict and a mini-Roger. Maybe there is a good reason why Mark decided to start obsessively pining over Roger again after all these years instead of going back to his obsessive pining of Maureen like he's been doing for the last three or four. Maybe he really, really doesn't want to get stuck with kids.
"We'll go on the spinning ride," Mark promises, not even knowing what the hell Amanda is talking about. He wouldn't even be here if Roger hadn't agreed to it and before Mark could get over the shock, Cindy was already heading out of the loft. Who would have thought Roger would want to spend all day with a bunch of kids? "We just have to pick up Adam and Roger, first."
"What if Adam isn't tall enough again?" Amanda vaguely reminds Mark of some sort of Cindy and Maureen mix, only more clingy and giggly than either of them. That makes his stomach twist, thinking about his ex-girlfriend and sister mating. God, that has to be the grosses thing his mind has ever come up with, and Mark is a visual person. His mind has managed to come up with a lot of disgusting things.
To distract himself from the mental imagine and Amanda's bouncing next to him, he tries to think of something that would be more disturbing. Maybe... Benny and Joanne going at it? No, Maureen and Cindy still win. Oh, fucking great. That's burned into his mind, now.
"He won't be," Mark says, as if he is supposed to know all these answers. They couldn't have just driven down to Scarsdale and left the kids with Mom and Dad? They'd probably be much better at this than Mark and Roger. He loves Roger, yeah, but he can't imagine he's very good with kids. Well, he's been doing okay with Adam, so far so maybe Mark shouldn't judge so quickly.
Still, he won't be surprise to get to the carousel and find Adam abandoned.
"Jesus," Mark says as they get to the ride to see the line twisting around and around the ride, children and parents locked into the circle with small iron gates. Seems like everyone who wasn't tall enough for whatever the fuck they were on (it made Mark feel kind of sick, but he would never admit that) got pushed over here. "Do you think they even got on yet?"
"Maybe they went home," Amanda says, tiny hands clutching Mark's shirt. He wonders if all of Cindy's clothes have these indents where Amanda's hands go.
Mark stops at the edge of the crowd, trying to jump up to see into the line and try and find Roger and Adam. He figures it would be easy to spot an old rock star holding a three year old. He didn't expect so many New York parents to have bleached out hair and tattoos. "No, they wouldn't just leave without telling us..." At least, he hopes Roger would comes back to try and save Mark before he left.
When they stop, Matt takes off his headphones, apparently only so he can insult his sister. "Maybe you're an idiot."
Amanda looks over Mark's back and sticks her tongue out at Matt. Mark decides he sort of deserves it, so he doesn't stop her. He is too busy jumping around like an idiot, trying to spot Roger and Adam in the line and wondering if they have a loud speaker to announce if a child has been found abandoned by the carousel or not. Jesus, maybe he shouldn't have left Adam with Roger after all.
As the panicked thought is really starting to set in, the carousel turns and there are two guys on horses, fake shooting the horses in front of them. Wait... Small kid with floppy blonde hair, handsome guy with bleached out hair and tattoos up his arms and that bright, face splitting smile. It takes Mark a second to shake himself out of staring and convince himself he isn't just hallucinating this whole scene. Or dreaming. This is definitely something he would dream after eating too much Indian food.
In case Mark had any doubt, Amanda jumps up, pointing and waving her hand wildly. "There they are!" she screams, jumping up and drawing all sorts of attention to them. None from Roger and Adam, though, who continue spinning around on the ride, apparently keeping track of how many little girls in front of them they can shot down. Mark makes a note to tell Cindy that he can't keep the kids next time, because he already has to deal with his own.
Sighing, Mark moves Amanda off of him enough that he can starts jumping higher, waving his hand around like a mad man to try and flag down his boyfriend. It's definitely not why he moved to New York City.
"Roger!" Mark calls, like he's going to be heard over the music and the crowd and the loud, crunching sound of the gears that make the carousal somehow seem even more dangerous than the Roller Coaster of Immediate and Fast Paced and Rocky Death or whatever the ride had been called. "Roger! Adam! Over here!"
On their next turn around, Roger and Adam seem intent on shooting the crowd, but at least this gets them to notice Mark. Adam first, waving and jumping around on the horse, and then Roger, looking up from his crossed hands that form a gun and frowning until he sees what Adam is going crazy over. Mark calms down once he's been spotted, letting Amanda attach to his leg again. At least now Roger can find them when he gets off the ride.
Only Roger doesn't do waiting very well. Still turning around on the carousal, Roger jumps off his plastic horse, grabbing Adam from his. Mark gets a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach as Roger scoops up his youngest nephew. "What are they doing?" Amanda asks, nails digging into Mark's arm as she tries to pick herself up and see more.
Roger jumps off the carousal, pushing past the crowd to get to Mark before the ride has even come to a stop. If Cindy were here she'd probably kill her brother. "Hey," Roger says, setting Adam down and ignoring the bad looks the moms are giving him.
"You didn't have to get off," Mark points out, trying to get Amanda to retract her claws and pull them out of his arm. "You guys must have just gotten on, right?" The line looks like it has to take forever to get too, especially since every adult looks like they have four or five children just growing out of them.
"We've been riding for HOURS," Adam says, grabbing for Roger's hand and swinging it to and fro. It seems unfair that Roger got the one that wants to hold hands and Mark got the one who wants to peel his skin off.
"You have?" Mark looks back to Roger, raising an eyebrow. Roger just flashes that old smile of his and shrugs. Amazing. Mark hasn't seen that smile in forever, and what is it doing here now? He hasn't seen that smile since... God, it has to have been back when April was still alive. Nothing Mark has done made him smile like that. Nothing Mimi had done it out, either. Mark had figured it was just a lost part of Roger, something left behind in the rush to separate him from the rock star junkie that he'd been. "How'd you do that?"
Roger keeps smiling, and the three-second silence seems like enough to bore Amanda. The answer to this is to dig her nails into Mark even harder, and fuck Cindy needs to get this kid a scratching post. "I want to ride the spinning thing!" she yells. At least it feels like she yells it into his ear, bouncing beside him. It can't be cocaine, Mark reminds himself, it just seems like that.
"Okay, okay." He tries pulling away from Amanda, and she just clings harder. It might not be so bad if she didn't have nails like talons. "We'll go ride the spinny thing."
"Roger can get us on fast," Adam promises as Roger picks him back up. That kid has spent more time in Roger's arms in this day than Mark has, probably, in the collective week. Not that he's jealous of his four-year-old nephew. It's just a thought. "Can't you, Roger?"
"We'll have to see if a cute girl is working there or not," Roger says, flipping Adam over his shoulders. Adam squeals, clutching to his neck and fucking beaming and, okay, the kid looks a little cute when he's happy. Still, Mark doesn't - Wait? Cute girl? Well, that explains the smile, anyway. He rolls his eyes, dragging Amanda along as they head towards the ride with Matt, having not listened to a word outside of his headphones, trudging along after them. It's far from your ideal family photo.
*
"Matty's a baby..."
Even if Mark isn't exactly the most responsible uncle in the world, he does draw the line somewhere, and teasing Matt for throwing up seems to be going a little too far. He's sure that vomiting over himself while trying to appear cool and stoic was not the highlight of his teenage year. Actually, Matt looks just about ready to kill himself.
"Matt," Mark says, grabbing Amanda's shoulders and pulling her back, hoping that would put her in her place. At least jostle her enough that she can't make more fun of Matt. She's acting like Cindy did, when Mark went through his Marx phase and didn't want to have anything to do with the rest of the world. Only Matt is going through his punk rock stage and covered in vomit. He might actually win for worse off. "Why don't you go into the bathroom. I'll send Roger in when he gets back."
He sent Roger and Adam (who might as well have become Roger's extra limb) off to get Matt a clean shirt. He's thinking they must have got caught up playing a game of some sort. They really should be back by now. There is something about being with a sick kid that makes Mark want to be at least a little more responsible with his nieces and nephews. Anything to keep from more vomiting.
Matt nods, and Mark can see all those gears turning in his head. Convincing himself that this is the worst day ever, and he's truly the most unlucky person in the world. Yeah right, Mark wants to say, wait until your girlfriend tells you that you turned her into a lesbian. Still, he is pretty miserable, and lets the whole world know it as he drags himself into the bathroom.
He isn't gone too long before Roger comes galloping over - yeah, pretty much that is how Mark would describe it, with Adam on his shoulders. Mark isn't jealous of a four year old, because their relationships with Roger can't even be compared. Still, the first thought that pops into Mark's head is that, really, he should be the one riding Roger.
God, he is messed up.
"Amanda!" Adam sings as Roger puts him down on the ground. "Look! Look! I won you something!" He holds out a bright, bright pink bag made out of a shiny material with glittery flowers stuck to the sides. It's the tackiest thing Mark has ever seen. It looks like the kind of thing Maureen would wear.
It does, however, get Amanda to let go of him. She squeals, grabbing the bag from Adam and wrapping him into this huge hug that is probably strangling the kid. Mark gives Roger a look; a very nearly parental look. "You were supposed to buy a shirt."
"We did," Roger says and holds out a shirt as proof. "We played twelve rounds of skeeball for it, too." Mark makes a quick note to not let Roger go shopping much anymore, even if it isn't their money he is wasting.
"Here," Mark says, snatching the shirt from Roger. He pries Adam away from Amanda and gives him the shirt. "Take this into your brother, okay?" Adam looks at him, then to Roger who shrugs. That's all it takes, and Adam nods, running into the bathroom with the shirt dragging behind him. Mark almost feels like pouting and pointing out that he's the kid's uncle, but he resists the urge. It's not like he's even that fond of kids, so who cares if Adam is more attached to Roger?
"Hold this," Amanda announces, shoving the gaudy pink purse into Mark's hands. "I have to use the bathroom," she explains, quickly giving Mark yet another hug before she runs off into the restroom where, Mark assumes, she'll just attach herself to someone else.
So, this is what having kids is like. Long, hot summer days out with a teenager who hates you, an eight year old with claws, and a four year old unable to make a decision unless Roger approves. Whining, annoying... Mark is kind of glad Maureen decided she liked girls before they had time to mate. It isn't that he hates them. No, he loves his nephews and niece even if he's pretty sure Matt wants him dead and Amanda is some weird hybrid of girl and clinging cat. Even if Roger is giving Adam more attention than he's given Mark since they started this relationship, if you can even call it a relationship since the most physical Roger ever gets is when he's asleep and he holds onto Mark like he's afraid he'll jump up and leave during the night. It's not like Mark is jealous of the attention his supposed boyfriend - and that is what they agreed to, isn't it? - is giving his nephew, but it be nice if he got some of that as well. He's just frustrated. Frustrated like when Maureen broke up with him and all Mark had for company was his right hand frustrated. Frustrated like when he was sixteen and his dad promised to take him to the Toronto film festival and cancelled at the last minute frustrated. Frustrated like when he went to Brown to write scripts and everyone in his classes were pompous assholes who thought everything they did qualified as the highest art just because they had daddy's budget to back them frustrated.
Put all that together, and that is how Mark is feeling about the Roger situation right now. He's been able to choke it down, pretend it's not really happening for a while now. After all, Roger told Mimi about them (and the fact that they had kidnapped Cohen) and that was a huge step, right? You don't just tell your ex-girlfriend, one of the loves of your life, the girl who saved you from living alone, that you love your best friend and want to be with him unless you really, really mean it, right? Maybe it's cold and callus, but it had been a victory for Mark. Not over Mimi, but a victory nonetheless.
Roger is the over-romantic songwriter who believes in true love awakening some inner senses. Mark is the critical, bohemian filmmaker who believes love changes and transcends and, yeah, it's okay to be in love with a lesbian and then your best (male) friend because sexuality and love aren't fixed or solid. There is no such thing as love at first sight, and Mark gets that. The problem is he's also obsessive, like how he couldn't quite get Maureen out of his mind even after she left him. Like how he knows on some level that Roger loves him, but damnit he wants more than kissy faces and cuddling on the couch and he will obsess over ever little thing Roger does until Mark gets what he wants.
And, really, when it comes down to it, Mark wants to have sex.
Instead he's standing in the middle of an amusement park on Coney Island, melting under the summer sun while he stands around a couple of dirty looking bathrooms, waiting on his niece and nephews to come out while Roger stands there - Mark looks to his side, watching Roger as he shakes, this huge grin splitting his face - while Roger stands there laughing at him. "What?"
That smile looks like it might actually begin to hurt. "I don't think it goes with your outfit," Roger says, and Mark raises an eyebrow. What does that mean? Doesn't match his - oh, hell. He looks down to the plastic purse he's holding against his chest, a splash of pink against his dark blue thrift store T-shirt.
Okay, he smiles just a little at that. "Well, I left my blue one at home," he explains, and that earns him a nice laugh from Roger. Mark is still miserable, running the facts over and over again in his head and trying to figure out what is so wrong with him that Roger won't do more than kiss him, but right then at least he feels like a good friend. "I don't know how you managed to get Adam to like you so much."
Still wearing this bright smile (that Mark put there... sort of, at least), Roger shrugs. "I don't know. The kid is easy to take care of."
That isn't exactly the answer Mark would expect. "I thought being in charge of them for the day would drive you insane." Well, at least it is driving him insane so he doesn't see how Roger can strand there and take it all without looking the least stressed out. It's unfair. Roger shouldn't be better with kids than Mark is, it just doesn't make sense. Not that Mark prides himself on being good with kids and he admits that, but Roger is an ex-junkie rock star. It feels wrong, for Adam to like him so much so quickly.
"They're just a couple of kids," Roger answers, and he really sounds like he means it. "I use to baby-sit all the time." Okay, that gets an eyebrow raise from Mark. Who the hell, other than Cindy, would trust Roger alone with a child? And, okay, maybe he's been doing a decent job with Adam. Still, it's all too counterintuitive with his bleached out hair and tattoos. A bit like seeing Joanne in a dress; Mark just can't fathom it no matter how hard he puts his imagination to work. "I mean, well, my mom worked in a nursery and I helped out," Rogers explains. "Fender Guitars aren't cheap, you know."
Mark smiles, just a bit, imagining a seventeen year old Roger running around holding a bunch of babies, complaining to his mom about buying that guitar he wants. "Sounds cute." Roger just shrugs again and, well, it seems like the perfect time so Mark leans in and brushes his lips up against Roger's.
It's just a small kiss, but the second they get close Roger jumps back. Fuck, it's even worse than usual. At least normally, Roger lets him kiss. Mark can't help it. He's confused as hell and his mind won't stop flashing all these details and ideas over and over again, like a stuck reel of film about why Roger won't let him get too close. "Not now," Roger mutters, moving back for Mark like he's going to jump forward and attack.
If Roger keeps backing away, he just might.
"Why the fuck not?" He should probably stick to better language, considering they're surrounded by kids and all, but hell they'll hear worse eventually. Let them see what a real relationship is like when your boyfriend is an indecisive and apparently chaste asshole. It will be good for them. He should try and teach this to Cindy's kids. Look, don't date your best friend no matter how much you love him. You're going to be sexless, confused, and miserable if you do and all his cute little smiles in the world aren't going to make up for that.
Right now Roger isn't even trying to smile. He isn't even looking at Mark. "We're in the middle of -"
"So?" Mark asks before Roger can even finish. He can't use that excuse. They've both done worse in worse places, and he knows Roger isn't shy. "It doesn't matter and you know it. Hell, you won't even let me kiss you back at home." This is like their last fight, and it feels like forever ago and at the same time still fresh on his mind. Mark doesn't open up much, but Roger manages to weasel his way in just enough so that when Mark finally can't take it anymore, he explodes. "It's like I have the fucking plague."
Even if Mark is on the verge of losing his temper, he is still clear headed enough that he can see the flash across Roger's face. A familiar expression that makes everything fall into place. Shit, why hadn't Mark thought of that before? He stumbles over his rant for a moment, unsure of what to say. He should have seen that before, but in all his obsessions with why he managed to fucking skip right over the most obvious reason in the world.
"You think that matters?" Mark asks once he gets some of his bearings back. At least enough to start speaking again, even if he is still feeling like an idiot. "Roger, I love you no matter -"
"What the fuck?" Mark jumps, and for a panicked second all he can think is that Matt is going to tell Cindy, which is the last thing Mark needs right now. When Matt storms up to them, though, Mark figured out damn quick what's wrong. Thank God teenagers are self-absorbed. "What the hell is this?"
Adam comes hurrying out after Matt, cowering behind Roger even as he points at Matt from around his leg. "Mommy says not to say those words." Matt glowers at Adam, and Mark can't blame the poor kid for hiding behind Roger.
"You can't expect me to wear this!" There isn't anything wrong with the baggy shirt, really. Maybe the rainbow and colorful writing that said 'Family Fun' weren't the best fashion statement for a teenage, but over all his years in New York Mark has been stuck in much worse. Fuck, the first winter all he had were sweaters his mom sent him. Mark isn't fashion conscious, but even he realized how fucking cheesy and horrible the poofy looking things were.
"It's not that bad," Roger says, lifting Adam into his arms again. Mark has a feeling he's just glad for the distraction and change of subject. "Hey, Mark, why don't you wait for Amanda while I take Matt and Adam for hotdogs?" Yeah, that's definitely Roger in escape mode. At least he isn't running of to Santa Fe. Just to the hotdog stand.
Mark sighs. What he wants to do is tie Roger down and not let him up until they've figure this out. He has a feeling Cindy would kill him if he tried anything like that with her kids around. "Yeah, sure," he mutters, hating that he's being so easy on Roger. Hating himself for overlooking what should have been damn obvious in the first place. Roger flashes him a smile and, with Adam in his arms and a very kill-me-now looking Matt dragging himself along after him, he heads off.
It's just as well, Mark thinks as he leans against the wall and waits on Amanda. He'd probably just get jealous of the fucking hotdog, anyway.
Additional Chapters:
Part Seven: Have A Kitten
(All chapters at FF.NET)