DVD Comments: Touch & Tell Lulaby
I was told I have to do the rest of Touch & Tell Lullaby (I don't know why. I assume because it is because you guys don't want me to write more horribly misguided angst pieces). So I'm at least going to try.
Sure, it took me this side of forever, but I did finish it! I really hope I manage to end the third chapter with a kiss and not an angsty 'I don't love you' style ending. Sadly, I have little say in what the characters do. If I could direct them, they would already be having the hot first time sex. Not so much, though.
Author: Stephanie
Series: Touch & Tell Lullaby
Chapter: II - All Through The Night and III - Gone Is The Day
Fandom/Pairing: Rent, Mark/Roger, Roger/Mimi
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Mark can't sleep because of nightmares. Roger can't sleep because of Mimi. Both boys find sleeping together a little too easy.
Touch & Tell Lullaby
Chapter II: All Through The Night
Roger doesn't mean for it to become a habit, but it does.
(If you haven't figured out that Roger has an addictive personality, you may be a bit slow. I sure have, and I love playing with it. Especially with the April and Mimi relationships, where I tend to make Roger as obsessive as hell, juxtaposed by his relationship with Mark where he doesn't feel the need to try and play up the relationship with passion you only get in songs and those teenage chick flicks. Yes, I am bitter at the way that artistic works portray love thus giving people an idea that since their relationship isn't like this, and none are, that they are doing something wrong and should fight harder to have that passionate, fake love. Why ask?)
"It's easier than listening to you whine all night," he tells Mark, even though Mark never really asks. He doesn't seem to mind when Roger crawls in bed with him. (Who would?) As soon as Roger has his arms around the other boy, Mark stops kicking at the sheets and can actually sleep without hurting himself. Roger feels better with a body pressed against his, and after a few minutes of listening to Mark's even breathes he drifts off as well.
(Not that you guys are curious, but I naturally cuddle in my sleep around pillows/blankets/anything that is there. With Roger's attachment issues and obsessive nature, I figured that feeling the need to hold something in his sleep fit well. Plus, it's cute and gives me the mental image of Roger with my teddy bear. Hey, I'm a bitter 21 year old college student and have a teddy bear, nothing says that Roger can't!)
There's nothing wrong with it, Roger reasons. He just can't sleep with all the screams and flailing go on across the loft, and it's easier not to think about Mimi when he has something to hold onto. It's a friendship thing, that's all. There is nothing weird or queer about it.
(Making someone think they're straight makes the decent all the sweeter. Also, I skipped awfully fast to postRent, didn't I? Now I REALLY want to add some more scenes in there. Damnit, I told you guys I would end up hating myself.)
After a while neither boy even thinks about it. Mark waits up for Roger, and Roger doesn't stay up all night so that Mark won't be alone in bed. It's just two best friends being there for each other, and Roger is pretty sure Mark knows that, too. He can't be sure, because neither of them talk about it, just like Roger never talks about Mark's nightmares and Mark never talks about the way Roger will sneak down in the middle of the day to mope in Mimi's apartment. There are just some things not worth talking about.
(Lack of communication - theme of all twenty fist century literature. This is true, try it in your lit class sometime. No matter what you're reading, tell your professor it's about the lack of communication or affection and you will be right.)
Mark apparently doesn't think so.
(Well, Mark has never had a theory of literature class, has he? Oh, wait, back to the story.)
He's already under the covers when Roger gets done trying to sort out the last few chords of Mimi's song. If Roger didn't know better he'd think Mark is a sleep, but there is no kicking or whimper, which is a dead give away.
(Remember, Mark is a kid. He whines and kicks and need someone to cuddle him. I hope I have imprinted that in everyone's minds.)
He pulls off his shirt and slides under the covers. Mark remains completely still with his back towards Roger.
"You okay?" Roger asks. He settles down on the mattress and reaches for Mark, wrapping his arms around his friend's small waist (Small - Kid), because that's what they do every night. Mark is supposed to move back into Roger, and then they both fall asleep and not think about what they're doing. This is how it's worked for about a month now, and Roger doesn't see any reason for that to change.
Mark stays completely still when Roger's arms go around him.
He says, "I'm fine," before turning around to look at Roger. Roger lets him go, not sure what's meant to happen at this point. This isn't the pattern they'd worked out.
Mark is biting at his lip. "What are you doing?"
(And... BAM! More mature than Roger! Not that this is hard, but I just love it so much. If you ever want to write something for me, remember this. The opposition between appearance and actual self is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Also, boys in skirts and collars are hot.)
Roger would like to think he has no idea what Mark is talking about. "What do you mean?"
(For all we know, Roger might not have any actual idea. I don't think Roger is stupid, necessarily, but have you ever seen a less logical guy? All heart, no head. Colbert would love this man. No, seriously, it would be sweet, sweet, quickly repressed love.)
Mark opens his mouth, but cuts himself off with a long sigh. He shakes his head and says, "Never mind."
Roger assumes this is the end of them trying to talk and goes to pull Mark closer to him again.
Mark shrugs him off. "I'm too hot," he says, rolling over to the other side of the bed with his back towards Roger.
(Oh my God, he's like a wife denying her husband sex. He is! You so know it.)
It's November and the loft's heating is complete shit. Roger says, "You'll have nightmares." He doesn't mean for it to sound so much like a threat.
When Mark doesn't say anything, Roger gets out of bed and stomps off to his own room. Let Mark kick and scream all night if that is what he wants, Roger figures. It's not like he needs Mark to get to sleep. Roger had just been playing the part of a good friend. Mark is the one who had to go and get girly about the whole thing.
(Again, emotional flesh bucket is calling WHO girlie. Not that emotions can't be manly, I'm just saying from Roger's perspective this seems very ironic. Don't get me started on gender roles and stereotypes, people. Feminism; The idea that men can cry, too.
However, I think Roger would be more built into his social constraints than any other character. I mean, just look at how angry and tough he tries to act throughout the play. So, yeah. This all gets back to him calling Mark girlie when he is the one acting like the more stereotypical female.)
Roger flops down on his bed and waits for the one-sided struggled in the next room to start. Like clock work, Mark gets his nightmares and there is no one there to save him.
Roger doesn't sleep at all that night.
(Can you say addictive personality, Roger? No, because you're too busy obsessing over a girl you barely know and doing smack, that's why.)
*
Mimi fits in Roger's arms.
("Mimi's curves, lack of curves with her sickly look but it doesn't matter, find the perfect place against Roger's chest." This is how I would write that sentence now. Touch & Tell Lullaby would be a hell of a lot longer, huh? I just accidentally added 'woudl' to my dictionary right now, so expect that typo a lot more after this.)
They mostly stay at Mimi's place, and Roger knows this worries Mark. (He probably does it on purpose. Roger is a vindictive bastard.) Every time he stops by the loft Mark is there to hover over his shoulder and make sure nothing is wrong. Roger hates it (Curiously enough, I hate the way I phrased it. Look, Roger, we have something in common.). He tells Mark to piss off a few times, but just like some sort of utterly obsessive dog, Mark stays loyal to his cause (So he's a kiddish dog... A puppy. A puppy that is more mature than Roger. Yeah, it works. Oh, and talk about obsessive personalities...). The worse part is that Roger knows why he's doing it, and that makes him hate Mark all the more for his over protective mother routine. (A FEMALE puppy. A baby bitch, as it were. Is that enough mixed metaphors to describe Mark's personality as Roger sees it?)
He tries to comfort Mark with words like, "I think Mimi's getting better," and "She's hasn't been using for two weeks now." Hints that Roger is doing fine, that he pulled through this and so would Mimi. Even if not everything he tells Mark is true, it's true enough. He isn't going to lose Mimi again, he promises. Not like he lost April.
(Well, Roger, I have good news and bad news...)
That's why it's easier to stay in Mimi's apartment, where he can watch over her like Mark insists on watching over him.
(Well, that whole scene could have sucked a whole lot less. I think if I could redo it, there would be a conversation between Mimi and Roger, possibly about Roger's withdrawals and mentions of how Mark handled them, and Roger would have seen Mark as standoffish towards him, very unattached. This would work against what we saw in the first chapter, the one that I didn't write, where we see Mark trying, but of course trying to emotionally detach himself out of self preservations.
I probably lost you guys in that one, right? Oh... I would add a scene where Mark and Roger fuck on the fire escape! Back to me? Good.)
*
Mimi leaves Roger in the middle of the night.
(I don't hate Mimi, just so everyone knows. I feel just as bad for her as I do for Roger that she has been forced into such a horrible relationship.)
She doesn't think Roger knows, or maybe she just doesn't care if he notices or not so long as he never brings it up. Roger never does, because if he tries they'll end up in another one of their fights, like the one that sent him to Santa Fe, and he doesn't want that (Jesus, I hate how far I skipped. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.). So he stays silent even when these midnight trips away get longer and longer. He wakes up after Mimi's side of the bed has cooled off and spends the rest of the night tossing and turning until he hears the door creek open and Mimi sneaks back into his arms, smelling of smoke and liquor and dark street corners.
(So.. Smoke, liquor, day old fish, piss, vomit, and someone's old socks with too many holes to be usable? Because she can't technically smell like smack, I guess.)
Roger's not an idiot (*Snort*). He knows where Mimi goes at night, but he almost lost her once because of some stupid argument. That keeps him quiet.
*
After a month of sleepless nights, Roger feels ready to explode. He's never been the most patient guy, but his temper is starting to get out of control and everything gets under his skin. It doesn't take Mark long to figure out something is wrong.
(It kind of mirrors 'Without You' in a way. I do that a whole lot, mirror canon situations. It forces the reader to accept that it is at least some what in character.)
"What's with you?" Mark asks after Roger goes off on Maureen for - as far as the others can tell - being too upbeat. (Oh, come on, that shit is annoying. No one can blame Roger for that.) Maureen had tried to give Roger a speech, something she'd thought was dramatic and would work well with her character no doubt, but Joanne had the sense to drag her girlfriend away before Roger blow up. Not before she told Mark to make sure to call her later and maybe they could meet up for lunch?
(So, seriously, if Mark and Roger didn't own a small part of my soul, Joanne and Maureen would be my favorite couple in that they seem to be the most realistic. I know, horror of horrors that it isn't Collins and Angel, but Maureen is just such a fun character study and... And Joanne just kicks ass. If I were a lesbian... No, screw that. I subscribe to the theory of fluid sexuality. If I ever meant someone like Joanne, I would so be all over that.
I could only pray that she was also a vegetarian communist thus ensuring that my dad's side of the family would never speak of me again.)
This little display had not helped to calm Roger down. If Mark needed to talk to someone, he would talk to Roger and not his ex-girlfriend's latest keeper. As if Mark didn't already have a perfectly suitable best friend.
(Um, as you probably realized from my upstage ranting, I love Joanne, and originally she was going to play a much bigger part, kind of replacing Roger as Mark's best friend while Roger acted like a fucking idiot. Much like April being in the band, this fell through when Joanne didn't make many other appearance. This will ALL go into the rewritten version in my head. But, alas, you know the remake is never as good as the original.)
"Nothing." Roger sits down on the old couch they'd dug up from the dumpsters three years ago that had gone from pinkish-yellow to green-and-brown in their care. The loose springs dig into his back and he nearly rips the couch apart for it. (Probably wouldn't be too difficult. The boy's have shitty furniture.) "It's just... How did you ever stand her, Mark?" Mark gives Roger a weary look, trying to figure out what he can do to defuse the situation. Roger doesn't care if his friend thinks he's going crazy. He's spent a month up in bed worrying, and it feels good to be able to yell at something. "I mean, she has to be the most ridiculous girl on the face of the planet. God knows she's wants the part, with all that fake laughing and..." Roger pulls at his hair, hiding his face in his hands and trying to clear out some space in his mind.
(Need... To rewrite... dialog... So bad.... Okay, for the sake of my sanity, "Most ridiculous girl in the world," which sounds NOTHING like Roger, now because... "I mean, she's a fucking... Just, did you see her? Doesn't she ever just shut up and keep her nose out of other people's damn business?" Is that an improvement? It has to be, right?)
"You know how Maureen gets," Mark says after he realizes the yelling has stopped for the time being. (Bad, Steph... Guys, I don't know if I can make it through the rest of this shit. Seriously, it's getting bad.)
"Yeah. Annoying." Roger gets off the couch and heads towards the kitchen, wanting something to wake him out of this state of insomnia, or maybe just take his mind of it for a while. Mark follows.
(Well, this is a little better. Now we get into the sense of insomnia that runs through the story and pretty much eats Roger from the inside out. I know what he feels like... *Walking dead for the past month*)
"Look, if there is something wrong between you and Mimi-" Mark is cut off when Roger turns on his heels and nearly knocks Mark backwards.
"There's nothing wrong," Roger growls.
Mark puts his hands up in surrender. "I just thought you might want to talk about it," he says, again left to try and calm Roger down before he did something he'd regret. Roger has done nothing but things he's regretted for the past three years. It doesn't seem like now would be a time to stop.
"No," Roger shouts. "You thought you might want to talk about it, Mark. What is it you want? You want to play martyr again, first with me and then with Mimi?" Roger doesn't mean to say the things he does, but they're spilling out of his mouth and he doesn't have a choice. Mimi's got her drugs and doesn't need Roger. Not like Roger needed Mark and it's unfair. Unfair that Mimi doesn't want to change and doesn't want Roger to help her while Roger was forced to change and clung to Mark the entire time. He's Roger. He shouldn't need anyone.
(So, for anyone who has ever written a play, one hard part is that there is no inner narration, like you can get away with in a story. In a story, it is easier to be subtle, because you have bits of the characters thoughts to help hint to the reader what they are thinking. In a play, you have to make the point clear enough that when a bunch of actors get the script, they can see the character's inner struggles without you needing to explain it to them, and so characters say a lot more things outloud then they do in a story. Yes, this all has a point.
So when you're writing a story about a play, you have a bunch of characters that, canonly, are prone to yelling out what would most likely, in another form, be their inner narratives. You're suck with those characters, then, and so you have moments like this that sound really fake in a story, but work on stage. These moments suck.)
"It's not like that!" Mark says. His face is twisted and hurt. (It would hurt if your face was twisted.) "I... I just thought you might need someone to talk to, that's all."
(Clearly, Mark has been in the bottle. Hello, dear, yes... Still the same Roger who arguably locked himself up in the loft for a year. Talking about his feelings isn't high on the list of things he wishes to partake in.)
"Well I don't," Roger spits. "All you want to do is talk, Mark, but that never gets you anywhere. Scripts and narratives didn't help Mimi the first time around and they aren't going to save her now. Why can't you get that through your head? Why can't you just leave it alone? Stop pretending you care. Stop pretending that all this drama is anything but camera feed for you, Mark."
(Hey, I actually like that bit. You can tell it by the fact that this is a running complaint against Mark in most of my other fics.)
It takes a lot to make Mark shout, but some how Roger always manages to bring it out in him. (I'll bet Roger can make Mark scream in other ways, too. Better ways... I'm talking about sex, people. Hot, steamy, man on man sex.) "If that's what you want, fine!" He yells, pulling on his coat and grabbing his camera hard enough that his fingers look dead white against the black handle. "You say I don't care? If I didn't care you think I would stick around through the smack and the withdraw and all your other problems? If anything I-" Mark trails off, chewing on his lower lip while his words sink in. "If all you wanted to do was leave me and wait for Mimi self destruct why didn't you just stay in Santa Fe?"
(That finishing thought is "I care too much", which I believe Mimi throws back at Roger later (or she is supposed to, I don't know if I got that in there or not. I have a habit of cutting things out, which can just make the flow very confusing.) Anyway, I don't think anyone got that, so I'm just going to point it out. And if it isn't in there, then.. Well, you guys should have used your psychic powers to know it SHOULD have been in there, okay?)
Roger leaves wondering what hurt more: Mark's words or Roger's fist in his friend's face.
(I don't think this was very clear, but Roger punched Mark. I got the feeling some people think Roger THOUGHT about punching him, because I didn't play out the violence. No, there is a real punch.
Later fics would reveal that Mark is sort of into that type of thing.)
*
That night when Mimi leaves, Roger does too.
He can't stand the idea of waiting up all night in that little apartment filled with trinkets and reminders of her and where she's going. (She's a stripper with a smack addiction. I wonder how many trinkets she actually has? Like, a bed, blankets, and clothes, right?) He thinks he'll go crazy if he has to spend one more night up there. Without thinking about earlier and without thinking at all Roger climbs out of bed and stalks back to the loft. He needs to get away.
(Wow, Roger reacting on gut emotions instead of thinking it through. There is a big surprise.)
His room is filthy. It's always filthy, but having been abandoned for nearly two months it looks even worse than usual. It's all scraps of paper with half written chords and dust. It's all empty and cold. Roger can't stand it. He picks up the closest thing he can find, a bottle of beer that's half empty and weeks old, and throws it against the wall.
There is a loud crash as glass and stale beer fly around the room. It feels good.
In less than a minute the room is completely trashed.
(There might be just a LITTLE 'Fight Club' in here, too. Oh, God, Brad Pitt in Fight Club... Just.. Drool. Oh, and did anyone else see 'The Sting'? Robert Redford, also quite hot. No, these thoughts aren't all related to the fic.)
Anything that Roger can pick up off the ground gets shredded and shattered against the concrete walls of the apartment. He's not at all picky about what it is: his radio, his magazines, his amps. Anything and everything has to be just as broken as him. (His, his, his. How very capitalist of me. Then again, I don't think Roger would be into communism so much. He is far too possessive.)
Mark gets there just as Roger is picking up his guitar. "What the hell?" Mark asks, eyes wide and clouded with sleep as he takes in Roger's room. When it registers what is going on he lunges for Roger, wrapping his hands around the guitar right as Roger tries to swing it against the wall.
(Yeah... No... Let's try... "Roger's mind goes blank, more clear than it's been in days of not sleeping, so empty and detached that he doesn't even registrar what he is doing as he grabs for his guitar. He just wants to get rid of everything, destroy his entire foundation.
"What the hell!" The screaming doesn't stop Roger as much as the hands that grab for his wrist, holding Roger's arms over his head before he can throw the fender down at the wall, break every bit of himself."
No, no matter how you rewrite it, it still sounds like, "Smash! Destroy! Kill!")
"Roger," Mark grunts when Roger pulls at the Fender, growling and demanding that Mark let go. Mark doesn't. "Roger, stop it!"
"Fuck you!" (Roger; always eloquent in a time of crisis.) Roger drops the guitar, backing far enough away that there is space between Mark and the wall. He kicks at his bed, hard enough that the room echos with the sound of his bones crunching. If he can't tear up his room he wants to tear up himself.
Mark is careful to put the guitar in a corner far away from Roger's violent actions and hidden in the shadows. He keeps it safe like he keeps Roger safe. "Rog..." He starts, but isn't sure what to say. Talking things out had never been a part of their friendship. Yelling and punching and ignoring, this he could do, but talking it out was so much harder and Roger would never have listened to him even if Mark could find the words.
(Random slip into Mark's POV! Hate myself!)
Mark slides his arms around Roger's back and lowers him into bed. Roger refuses to meet his eyes, staring at Mark's sleep shirt while he's tucked in. It's the one with that stupid cartoon figure on the front and has enough holes in it that it can't be any warmer than sleeping shirtless. Without thinking Roger lifts a hand to one of the large holes right bellow the collar.
Mark moves a little closer. Close enough that Roger's hand is trapped between their bodies and the two of them are nearly snuggling. It reminds Roger of when him and Mimi sleep together, before she gets up to leave him. It doesn't feel weird that him and Mark would sleep like this.
Mark says, "I have nightmares when you're not here."
(Mark plays well into that "I need you to save me," role, doesn't he? Too bad we all know the truth... He's like the damsel in distress who actually has a gun hidden up her dress and will shoot any real danger that gets near her prince. Oh my God, Mark has a 'gun' up his... No, never mind. That sounded more sexual in my head.)
Roger snorts. "You always have nightmares."
"Not always." Mark wiggles around until his face is pressed against Roger's chest and Roger can move his arms from between them and wrap them around Mark's waist. This doesn't feel weird, either. It feels comfortable and warm, and it doesn't take long for Roger's body to remind him how he hasn't been sleeping, how exhausted he is, and how Mark isn't going to leave him in the night.
The thought barely flickers in the background of Roger's mind before he's drifting to sleep.
He doesn't wake up until mid-afternoon the next day, and Mark is still pressed against him.
Touch & Tell Lullaby
Chapter III: Gone Is The Day
"He's cute."
Roger is strumming away on his guitar. He has a tune in his head that he can't work out through his fingers. Somewhere in the background of his mind he can hear Mimi talking. Trying to play the part of a decent boyfriend he says, "Huh?"
(There is an extraordinary amount of 'acting' done in this story. No, really, there is, have you noticed? If so, give yourself ten points. Yes, there are point sheets now.)
"Mark," Mimi replies, painting her fingernails to match the New York evening sun. Not that bright, burning yellow, but the orangey-red the sky takes on right before it sets. The color of light burning through a haze of smug and pollution. (Which is actually surprisingly pretty, but I like to add a grimy sound to things.) "He's cute."
(Mimi/Mark always erked me, as does Maureen/Roger although to a less extant. Not because it isn't Mark/Roger, but because Mark should have higher moral standards then Benny. Also, sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend is disgusting, because it puts romance before friendship. Who can name one of the things that is slowly killing my soul about modern culture?)
Roger's fingers miss the next set of strings. An angry sound bounces off the walls. Mimi leans against his shoulder. "Like a puppy or a younger brother," Mimi continues. She doesn't seem to notice that Roger has stopped playing. "He needs someone, you know. He seems like he needs someone. Someone to take care of him."
(More of that puppy/kid imagery going on for Mark. It is like he's an evil genius, isn't it? I mean, everything thinks he's the small, lost kid that needs help and he is behind the scenes, laughing evilly. Or, well, saving everyone's asses. Whatever.)
"We're here," Roger answers. "He has us and Collins and Maureen and Joanne." Roger doesn't mean for Joanne's name to come out sounding so cruel. Mark did seem to need Joanne. He'd gone out to lunch with her enough recently. "We take care of each other."
(Watch it, Roger. Joanne could kick your ass.)
Mimi dips the brush back in the paint and starts with her toenails. She gives a low, sultry laugh. "It seems weird that he doesn't date," Mimi says. "He hasn't seen anyone since Maureen, has he?"
(You know, when I think of Mimi I think of passionate and energetic, but not sexy. That sultry laugh just sounds so wrong on her... I want to take it back.)
"Mark doesn't need a girlfriend. He's in love with his camera." Roger hasn't really thought about his friend's dating habits, but it isn't odd that Mark doesn't see many girls. Mark doesn't have enough time for valentines and dinners. He has his film to make and Roger to watch after.
(Again, it's like Roger's subconscious is screaming and clawing at Roger, and he's just not there. Poor subconscious. It wants hot man on man sex. How very Freudian of it.)
"There are some girls down at the restaurant," Mimi says. "Some of them are really nice. Some of them are just the sort of girls that Mark would like."
"How would you know?" Roger's temper flares. He snaps, throwing his guitar onto the mattress and shrugging Mimi off him. (That guitar is getting a lot of abuse, isn't it? As we find out in later fics, it likes that sort of thing... Oh, wait. No it doesn't.) He doesn't want to touch her right now. He doesn't want to be having this conversation. "How would you know the type of girl Mark would like?"
(Subconscious: You want his ass!)
Roger has never seen the restaurant Mimi works at now, but he remembers the club. He remembers the girls with their bruised faces and the marks up their arms. He can't help but imagine one of them with her hands and lips all over Mark. Roger knows that Mimi is trying to change, that the girls at the restaurants aren't the same as the ones in the leather pants and handcuffs. Still, Roger doesn't want any of Mimi's so called friends around Mark.
(But, Roger, Mark likes leather and handcuffs. Or, at least, he does in my fics. What's the point of being all bohemian if you can't like a little kink?)
Mark is better than that. Mark doesn't deserve any of the shit girls like Mimi put men through. Roger has already done that to him once before.
(Comparing yourself to possible future girlfriends of Mark. Yeah, totally straight, Roger.)
"Besides," Roger sighs. He leans his forehead against the wall. The cold cement feels go against is too hot skin. "Would you want to date again after a mistake like Maureen?"
Mimi stands up, three toenails painted and clothes only half buttoned. "I'm going out," she announces, picking up her purse and refusing to look Roger in the eyes.
(These two are just always pissy with each other. Guys, this is why past drug habits aligning up is not what eHarmony typically uses to find matches.)
*
"Where does Mimi go?"
"What do you mean?" Roger knows what Mark means, but its better this way. Better if Roger pretends he has no idea where Mimi goes late at night. What she does when Roger's not there to stop her. It's better if Roger pretends his life isn't falling apart again.
(Yeah, I'm sure Mark didn't figure that out when you trashed your room. No way he noticed that one.)
Mark doesn't care what Roger wants to pretend isn't happening. He cares about Roger. "You always spend the night up here. Is it because Mimi leaves?"
It's easier to sleep next to Mark. Track free arms wrapped around his waist and a still body pressed against his. No wiggling free of the blankets so that he can sneak away. No cold bedspreads when Roger wakes up.
"Maybe she does," Roger says without looking away from his half finished music page. "So what?"
So it doesn't say a lot that Roger would rather sleep next to his best friend than his girlfriend.
So what is it about Roger that makes girls turn to smack and why can't Roger make them stop?
So why does Mark stick around when Roger can't keep a hold of anyone else?
(All excellent questions, Roger. Ones that will hunt you for, like, six more chapters even when everyone in the else knows the answer.)
Mark winces at Roger's harsh tone. He fiddles with his camera so that he doesn't have to face Roger's anger head on. He says, "She using, isn't she?" Roger hits a few stings on his guitar so that he doesn't have to answer. Mark says, "That's why you come up here, isn't it? So that you don't have to be with her when she's high. So that you don't have to stop her." Musetta's Waltz fills the air without Roger realizing what he's playing. Mark says, "You don't want to have to watch her do that, do you?"
The warm up waltz ends in a clash of sour notes. "Of course I can't!" Roger snaps. "I don't want to have to see Mimi like that!"
"You're jealous," Mark accuses. "You can't stand seeing her like that when you can't get high with her."
(Every now and then, I like to give my characters really good insight, then have them analyze that insight as something totally wrong. It's no fun when one person knows all the answers. RPing with idiots in my high school days taught me this.)
They're both on their feet. Mark has his fists curled up until the knuckles are stark white.
(Okay, yeah, but Mark is so white anyway, is anyone really impressed with this?) Roger is looming over his friend with a mincing sneer and a dangerous look in his eyes. "It's not like that," Roger growls. He wants to hit something. He wants to hit Mark for suggesting Roger could fall back into his old habits, for not trusting him. He wants to hit Mark because Roger often wonders how much easier it would be to just give in and follow Mimi down.
Mark is flushed. His breathing is uneven and loud. (This would have been so much better if they had just gotten done having sex.) He looks ready for a fight. When he speaks it's barely above a whisper. "Promise me you're not using again." Mark pleas, "Promise me you're won't start using again, Roger. Promise me."
Mark's voice drains away Roger's anger. Mark's eyes make Roger want to fall to his knees and hold Mark close and never even look at a needle again.
(Jesus, did I use Mark enough in those sentences? I know Roger is obsessed, but come on. I couldn't thrown out a pronoun?)
Roger hesitates, teetering between rage and the need to comfort. "I promise." His voice is low and cracks as he stumbles over the words. He says, "I'm not going to do that again, Mark, I promise. It's just... It would be..."
(See, all that puppy acting pays off when the other person is pissed at you. Girls, if you ever act dumb and helpless for a man I will track you down and personally bitch slap you. Swear to God.)
Roger's voice breaks down and so does Roger, and then Mark is right there. He's there to hold and comfort and make sure that Roger doesn't fall too far. It's all right for Roger to break down because Mark is there, and Mark understands.
*
That night Mimi calls in from work.
"Dylan needs me to stay late," she says. Roger can hear music and drunken laughter in the background. It doesn't sound like a restaurant. Mimi puts her hand over the receiver. There are muffled voices and a small scuffle. When Mimi comes back on she sounds too happy. "You don't need to wait up for me. I love you, Roger."
(The name Dylan reminds me of pickles, which is my excuse for my I originally spelled it, 'Dillion'.)
Roger hangs up the phone and goes to the loft.
Mark is in bed but not a sleep. Roger slides beneath the covers and scoots as close as he can. He buries his face in the crook of Mark's neck. In his arms, Mark begins shifting away. Roger says, "Please," and holds tight.
Roger thinks about Mimi sliding up some stranger's chest. He imagines rough hands tugging at her skirt. The mystery man in his head looks a lot like his old dealer
Mark coughs. "Rog, I can't breathe," He complains. Roger doesn't let go. Mark wiggles around in his arms some more before. Each move only makes Roger more determine to hold on. After a while Mark stops fighting against him. He sighs. "I'm not going to leave you, Roger."
(More Roger clinginess. Come on, this man so has a teddy bear tucked away somewhere.)
Roger loosens his arms enough that Mark can breathe. "You need to talk about this, Roger," Mark says, propping himself up on his elbows.
Roger nuzzles closer to Mark. He shuts his eyes and tries to make Mark's voice go away. All he wants right now is a warm body that isn't going to disappoint him. "I can't think about it," Roger admits. "I can't keep watching Mimi destroy herself over drugs like that. I love her too much."
(Okay, so it was Roger who said it, not Mimi, and it was a chapter later. It so still works. Aslo, here is more of that bad speech from play to story I was talking about. We'll blame Roger's tired, tired mind.)
Mark sighs and pulls out of Roger's arms. Roger opens his eyes when he feels the mattress move. Mark is standing by the bed, pulling on a pair of jeans. "I can't stay here tonight."
"Where are you going?" Roger's voice is laced with desperation. He wishes Mark would look at him so that he could plead properly, but Mark is too busy packing his camera away. "Mark," Roger repeats. "Mark!" Each time he sounds a little more frantic, but Mark doesn't even slow down. "You said you wouldn't leave me."
(See, and now we make the total switch. You keep hearing about how Mark is a child, but here Roger is the one acting out... I swear, I'm only saying that to hold back my, "Grow some balls!" comment. )
Mark doesn't pause until he's at the door way, packed to abandon Roger for a few nights at least. "I can't do this," Mark says. He runs a hand through his already messy hair, messaging his temple and still not meeting Roger's eyes. "I can't do this anymore, Roger, I can't watch you destroy yourself over Mimi. I..."
(These boys are basically saying the same thing about different people. They're both idiots.)
Mark trails off, letting the bedroom door close behind him. Roger waits in bed, knowing that Mark can't just leave him. He sits up and watches the door, because any second Mark is going to come back in and apologize for deserting Roger like this. Mark knows that Roger can't deal with these kinds of things on his own. He needs Mark to be there for him, and Mark has never failed him before. He'd come back. He couldn't just forget about Roger.
The sound of the front door closing echoes through the loft. Roger stays awake all night, knowing that Mark would have to come back to him.
*
"He's there, isn't he?"
Collins (Collins! What, I like him.) sighs. "I don't think he wants to talk to you right now."
"Please," Roger isn't sure when he got in the habit of begging, but he'd been doing it a lot lately. "Please Collins. I don't even know what I did."
"Roger, you-"
"Don't tell me to be patient!" Roger snaps. (Got to love that.) He knows he shouldn't be getting so upset with Collins but he can't help it. A week without Mark and with Mimi to deal with, Roger couldn't sleep at night and he couldn't play his guitar to save his life. He was falling apart, and Collins is the only person in the last few days that had stuck around long enough for Roger to yell at. "God, you sound just like Mimi. 'Just wait a while. He'll come back.' Why isn't he back yet, Collins. For fuck sake, I didn't even do anything!"
"Are you sure about that?" Collins asks. It's the sort of tone he takes on when he is trying to get Roger to see something obvious. Roger hates that tone.
Roger lets the conversation sit for a moment while he runs hand through his hair. He doesn't even try thinking back to what he might have done wrong. He's done worse before and Mark has never left him, so whatever it is this time it couldn't be Roger's fault. "I need to talk with him," Roger says. "There's all this pressure with Mimi and... I... I really need to talk with him Collins."
(Come on, tell me they don't already sound a hell of a lot like a couple.)
On the other side of the phone Collins sighs. "He's not here right now, Roger. He's out with... Someone."
"Joanne?" It's the only person Mark ever goes out with anymore.
Collins says, "No. Someone... Someone new. Give him some time, Roger. I think he's trying to work a few things out."
(Like, I don't know, why he wants guys? Why he wants one guy in particular despite the fact that said guy has, time and time again, proven that he was a total idiot. I'm surprised Collins doesn't say as much, but I don't think Roger would registrar what it meant. He'd probably just beat up Benny or something.)
"Someone new?" Roger's voice is a low snarl. He's pacing across the loft, working out energy he'd rather be using to beat someone up with. "You're telling me he left so that he could go on a few dates with some chick?"
(I feel Roger has the total right to be pissed about that, even though he's wrong.)
"It's nothing like that, Roger," Collins says. "Mark needs to feel good about himself. He needs to get his life together."
(I really don't think anyone is still reading this by now. I haven't really got too much insight on this scene, have I?)
"And he can't do that with me?" Roger is almost yelling into the phone now. The only thing stopping him is Mimi asleep in the next room. If he wakes her up they'll just have another row. That's all they'd been doing together, lately.
(So instead, I'm just going to image how hot Mark in a skirt would be.)
"No," Collins answers. "No, he can't."
(Especially, like, bent over the edge of the fires escape with his legs apart. So porny it hurts, huh? I'll bet there wouldn't even be sex. Like, Roger would just fall down, laughing his ass off. Roger ruins all my fun.)
The sincerity in his friend's voice makes Roger's blood chill over. He stops pacing, almost stops breathing for a few minutes while his system tries to digest this information. Mark didn't need him. Mark didn't want him to be around. Mark really had left him.
(Time to accept that you guys are dating without dating, and that you are Mark's bitch.)
It takes Roger a while to find his voice. "Fine." He sounds broken. He feels broken. "Fine. Let him date who ever he wants. I'm only his best fucking friend, right? Why should I be included in his life at all, huh?"
"Roger," Collins voice is soothing and understanding. Roger doesn't want to listen to him.
"I have to go," He says. "Don't bother telling him I called."
(Yeah, and Collins totally listened to him, too.)
*
"What is it this time?"
Roger doesn't bother looking up from his guitar when Mimi comes in. He already knows how this conversation will go. It's going to be another one of their fights. Mimi is wearing her street clothes; Roger could hear her heavy boots stomping up the stairs. Roger hasn't been able to write a single song since Mark had left. Today hadn't gone any better, and the band is starting to get impatient.
(You do have to pity Mimi here, right? She doesn't even have a chance, Roger has decided that they are going to fight and there is nothing she can really do. Roger sucks sometimes, and not in a good way.)
"Excuse me?" Mimi asks. She doesn't sit down next to him. She stands directly in front of him, tapping her foot against the hard concrete floor and waiting for Roger to look up. He doesn't it. "What do you mean by that?"
Roger sighs, collapsing over his fender. It's no use to keep strumming away. "The fight. What is it going to be about this time?"
"Like I ever had a say," Mimi yells, heel coming down on the floor hard. "It's always you who has to be yelling about something."
(At least Mimi realizes how much it sucks to be her.)
"Maybe if you didn't give me so many reasons!" Roger's fingers curl around his guitar until the strings feel like they can cut his palm open. His eyes are closed so tightly he can feel the blood pumping around his skull. "I don't want to do this."
Mimi snorts. "Yes you do. You always need something to get on me about, Roger. You have to know everything I do and every one I see. You're the one who starts these fights, not me!" Mimi sighs, shaking her head. "No wonder Mark left."
(You think anyone but Roger hasn't realized yet how damn couply him and Mark are?)
That does it. The guitar hits the ground with a loud thud. (I don't hate the fender, I swear. I just like to bruise it up a bit. I hit you out of love, baby.) Roger is on his feet, pushing himself up into Mimi's face. "You have no idea!" He yells. "You come in here high on smack and dressed like that. What do you expect me to think, Mimi?"
"Maybe if you stopped acting like such a possessive asshole people would stick around." Roger tries to reply, but Mimi is already storming out, shouting Spanish phrases that Roger can't understand.
(Total points to Mimi, here. Seriously, both are so fucked over, but there is a point where you don't take it anymore. Not that Mimi is in the right with the drugs...)
He follows after her, ignoring the slammed down in his face. "So that's it, you're leaving!" He yells, leaning over the railing as Mimi hurries down the stairs.
"Mark had the right idea!" Mimi doesn't stop when she's screaming up at Roger. "You and your fucking problems."
"My problems! I'm not the one who-" Mimi is almost out of sight. Roger lets go of the railing and runs after her. "I'm not the one who fucks around for some extra blow."
"I need blow to deal with you!" Mimi shouts back, tugging the front door open so hard the frame shakes. She stalks out onto the front street, knocking over one of the homeless men sleeping on the front step.
(I meant heroin, I did, but blow has a better sound, you know. And who is to say she doesn't do coke as well? She so does now.)
"Don't bother coming back," Roger yells, and Mimi keeps walking away.
(You've probably all gotten that I dislike this romance just a bit, or the foundations of it at least, but I love writing these fights, I do. They're so passionate, you know, and so the fighting is just as energized and they're just FUN to write. I'm a terrible person.
So, technically speaking, when I wrote the first chapter it was supposed to be the only chapter, but then I decided it needed more, and I thought I would wrap it up in three chapters. If you were reading this why I wrote it, you might remember that I swore every chapter after this would be the last chapter. I don't think it's until chapter 8 that I actually outlined what I was doing, which I'm sure is the only reason I'm not still writing this damn story. The point is, after chapter one, I was bullshitting. You can tell, huh?)
Sure, it took me this side of forever, but I did finish it! I really hope I manage to end the third chapter with a kiss and not an angsty 'I don't love you' style ending. Sadly, I have little say in what the characters do. If I could direct them, they would already be having the hot first time sex. Not so much, though.
Author: Stephanie
Series: Touch & Tell Lullaby
Chapter: II - All Through The Night and III - Gone Is The Day
Fandom/Pairing: Rent, Mark/Roger, Roger/Mimi
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Mark can't sleep because of nightmares. Roger can't sleep because of Mimi. Both boys find sleeping together a little too easy.
Touch & Tell Lullaby
Chapter II: All Through The Night
Roger doesn't mean for it to become a habit, but it does.
(If you haven't figured out that Roger has an addictive personality, you may be a bit slow. I sure have, and I love playing with it. Especially with the April and Mimi relationships, where I tend to make Roger as obsessive as hell, juxtaposed by his relationship with Mark where he doesn't feel the need to try and play up the relationship with passion you only get in songs and those teenage chick flicks. Yes, I am bitter at the way that artistic works portray love thus giving people an idea that since their relationship isn't like this, and none are, that they are doing something wrong and should fight harder to have that passionate, fake love. Why ask?)
"It's easier than listening to you whine all night," he tells Mark, even though Mark never really asks. He doesn't seem to mind when Roger crawls in bed with him. (Who would?) As soon as Roger has his arms around the other boy, Mark stops kicking at the sheets and can actually sleep without hurting himself. Roger feels better with a body pressed against his, and after a few minutes of listening to Mark's even breathes he drifts off as well.
(Not that you guys are curious, but I naturally cuddle in my sleep around pillows/blankets/anything that is there. With Roger's attachment issues and obsessive nature, I figured that feeling the need to hold something in his sleep fit well. Plus, it's cute and gives me the mental image of Roger with my teddy bear. Hey, I'm a bitter 21 year old college student and have a teddy bear, nothing says that Roger can't!)
There's nothing wrong with it, Roger reasons. He just can't sleep with all the screams and flailing go on across the loft, and it's easier not to think about Mimi when he has something to hold onto. It's a friendship thing, that's all. There is nothing weird or queer about it.
(Making someone think they're straight makes the decent all the sweeter. Also, I skipped awfully fast to postRent, didn't I? Now I REALLY want to add some more scenes in there. Damnit, I told you guys I would end up hating myself.)
After a while neither boy even thinks about it. Mark waits up for Roger, and Roger doesn't stay up all night so that Mark won't be alone in bed. It's just two best friends being there for each other, and Roger is pretty sure Mark knows that, too. He can't be sure, because neither of them talk about it, just like Roger never talks about Mark's nightmares and Mark never talks about the way Roger will sneak down in the middle of the day to mope in Mimi's apartment. There are just some things not worth talking about.
(Lack of communication - theme of all twenty fist century literature. This is true, try it in your lit class sometime. No matter what you're reading, tell your professor it's about the lack of communication or affection and you will be right.)
Mark apparently doesn't think so.
(Well, Mark has never had a theory of literature class, has he? Oh, wait, back to the story.)
He's already under the covers when Roger gets done trying to sort out the last few chords of Mimi's song. If Roger didn't know better he'd think Mark is a sleep, but there is no kicking or whimper, which is a dead give away.
(Remember, Mark is a kid. He whines and kicks and need someone to cuddle him. I hope I have imprinted that in everyone's minds.)
He pulls off his shirt and slides under the covers. Mark remains completely still with his back towards Roger.
"You okay?" Roger asks. He settles down on the mattress and reaches for Mark, wrapping his arms around his friend's small waist (Small - Kid), because that's what they do every night. Mark is supposed to move back into Roger, and then they both fall asleep and not think about what they're doing. This is how it's worked for about a month now, and Roger doesn't see any reason for that to change.
Mark stays completely still when Roger's arms go around him.
He says, "I'm fine," before turning around to look at Roger. Roger lets him go, not sure what's meant to happen at this point. This isn't the pattern they'd worked out.
Mark is biting at his lip. "What are you doing?"
(And... BAM! More mature than Roger! Not that this is hard, but I just love it so much. If you ever want to write something for me, remember this. The opposition between appearance and actual self is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Also, boys in skirts and collars are hot.)
Roger would like to think he has no idea what Mark is talking about. "What do you mean?"
(For all we know, Roger might not have any actual idea. I don't think Roger is stupid, necessarily, but have you ever seen a less logical guy? All heart, no head. Colbert would love this man. No, seriously, it would be sweet, sweet, quickly repressed love.)
Mark opens his mouth, but cuts himself off with a long sigh. He shakes his head and says, "Never mind."
Roger assumes this is the end of them trying to talk and goes to pull Mark closer to him again.
Mark shrugs him off. "I'm too hot," he says, rolling over to the other side of the bed with his back towards Roger.
(Oh my God, he's like a wife denying her husband sex. He is! You so know it.)
It's November and the loft's heating is complete shit. Roger says, "You'll have nightmares." He doesn't mean for it to sound so much like a threat.
When Mark doesn't say anything, Roger gets out of bed and stomps off to his own room. Let Mark kick and scream all night if that is what he wants, Roger figures. It's not like he needs Mark to get to sleep. Roger had just been playing the part of a good friend. Mark is the one who had to go and get girly about the whole thing.
(Again, emotional flesh bucket is calling WHO girlie. Not that emotions can't be manly, I'm just saying from Roger's perspective this seems very ironic. Don't get me started on gender roles and stereotypes, people. Feminism; The idea that men can cry, too.
However, I think Roger would be more built into his social constraints than any other character. I mean, just look at how angry and tough he tries to act throughout the play. So, yeah. This all gets back to him calling Mark girlie when he is the one acting like the more stereotypical female.)
Roger flops down on his bed and waits for the one-sided struggled in the next room to start. Like clock work, Mark gets his nightmares and there is no one there to save him.
Roger doesn't sleep at all that night.
(Can you say addictive personality, Roger? No, because you're too busy obsessing over a girl you barely know and doing smack, that's why.)
*
Mimi fits in Roger's arms.
("Mimi's curves, lack of curves with her sickly look but it doesn't matter, find the perfect place against Roger's chest." This is how I would write that sentence now. Touch & Tell Lullaby would be a hell of a lot longer, huh? I just accidentally added 'woudl' to my dictionary right now, so expect that typo a lot more after this.)
They mostly stay at Mimi's place, and Roger knows this worries Mark. (He probably does it on purpose. Roger is a vindictive bastard.) Every time he stops by the loft Mark is there to hover over his shoulder and make sure nothing is wrong. Roger hates it (Curiously enough, I hate the way I phrased it. Look, Roger, we have something in common.). He tells Mark to piss off a few times, but just like some sort of utterly obsessive dog, Mark stays loyal to his cause (So he's a kiddish dog... A puppy. A puppy that is more mature than Roger. Yeah, it works. Oh, and talk about obsessive personalities...). The worse part is that Roger knows why he's doing it, and that makes him hate Mark all the more for his over protective mother routine. (A FEMALE puppy. A baby bitch, as it were. Is that enough mixed metaphors to describe Mark's personality as Roger sees it?)
He tries to comfort Mark with words like, "I think Mimi's getting better," and "She's hasn't been using for two weeks now." Hints that Roger is doing fine, that he pulled through this and so would Mimi. Even if not everything he tells Mark is true, it's true enough. He isn't going to lose Mimi again, he promises. Not like he lost April.
(Well, Roger, I have good news and bad news...)
That's why it's easier to stay in Mimi's apartment, where he can watch over her like Mark insists on watching over him.
(Well, that whole scene could have sucked a whole lot less. I think if I could redo it, there would be a conversation between Mimi and Roger, possibly about Roger's withdrawals and mentions of how Mark handled them, and Roger would have seen Mark as standoffish towards him, very unattached. This would work against what we saw in the first chapter, the one that I didn't write, where we see Mark trying, but of course trying to emotionally detach himself out of self preservations.
I probably lost you guys in that one, right? Oh... I would add a scene where Mark and Roger fuck on the fire escape! Back to me? Good.)
*
Mimi leaves Roger in the middle of the night.
(I don't hate Mimi, just so everyone knows. I feel just as bad for her as I do for Roger that she has been forced into such a horrible relationship.)
She doesn't think Roger knows, or maybe she just doesn't care if he notices or not so long as he never brings it up. Roger never does, because if he tries they'll end up in another one of their fights, like the one that sent him to Santa Fe, and he doesn't want that (Jesus, I hate how far I skipped. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.). So he stays silent even when these midnight trips away get longer and longer. He wakes up after Mimi's side of the bed has cooled off and spends the rest of the night tossing and turning until he hears the door creek open and Mimi sneaks back into his arms, smelling of smoke and liquor and dark street corners.
(So.. Smoke, liquor, day old fish, piss, vomit, and someone's old socks with too many holes to be usable? Because she can't technically smell like smack, I guess.)
Roger's not an idiot (*Snort*). He knows where Mimi goes at night, but he almost lost her once because of some stupid argument. That keeps him quiet.
*
After a month of sleepless nights, Roger feels ready to explode. He's never been the most patient guy, but his temper is starting to get out of control and everything gets under his skin. It doesn't take Mark long to figure out something is wrong.
(It kind of mirrors 'Without You' in a way. I do that a whole lot, mirror canon situations. It forces the reader to accept that it is at least some what in character.)
"What's with you?" Mark asks after Roger goes off on Maureen for - as far as the others can tell - being too upbeat. (Oh, come on, that shit is annoying. No one can blame Roger for that.) Maureen had tried to give Roger a speech, something she'd thought was dramatic and would work well with her character no doubt, but Joanne had the sense to drag her girlfriend away before Roger blow up. Not before she told Mark to make sure to call her later and maybe they could meet up for lunch?
(So, seriously, if Mark and Roger didn't own a small part of my soul, Joanne and Maureen would be my favorite couple in that they seem to be the most realistic. I know, horror of horrors that it isn't Collins and Angel, but Maureen is just such a fun character study and... And Joanne just kicks ass. If I were a lesbian... No, screw that. I subscribe to the theory of fluid sexuality. If I ever meant someone like Joanne, I would so be all over that.
I could only pray that she was also a vegetarian communist thus ensuring that my dad's side of the family would never speak of me again.)
This little display had not helped to calm Roger down. If Mark needed to talk to someone, he would talk to Roger and not his ex-girlfriend's latest keeper. As if Mark didn't already have a perfectly suitable best friend.
(Um, as you probably realized from my upstage ranting, I love Joanne, and originally she was going to play a much bigger part, kind of replacing Roger as Mark's best friend while Roger acted like a fucking idiot. Much like April being in the band, this fell through when Joanne didn't make many other appearance. This will ALL go into the rewritten version in my head. But, alas, you know the remake is never as good as the original.)
"Nothing." Roger sits down on the old couch they'd dug up from the dumpsters three years ago that had gone from pinkish-yellow to green-and-brown in their care. The loose springs dig into his back and he nearly rips the couch apart for it. (Probably wouldn't be too difficult. The boy's have shitty furniture.) "It's just... How did you ever stand her, Mark?" Mark gives Roger a weary look, trying to figure out what he can do to defuse the situation. Roger doesn't care if his friend thinks he's going crazy. He's spent a month up in bed worrying, and it feels good to be able to yell at something. "I mean, she has to be the most ridiculous girl on the face of the planet. God knows she's wants the part, with all that fake laughing and..." Roger pulls at his hair, hiding his face in his hands and trying to clear out some space in his mind.
(Need... To rewrite... dialog... So bad.... Okay, for the sake of my sanity, "Most ridiculous girl in the world," which sounds NOTHING like Roger, now because... "I mean, she's a fucking... Just, did you see her? Doesn't she ever just shut up and keep her nose out of other people's damn business?" Is that an improvement? It has to be, right?)
"You know how Maureen gets," Mark says after he realizes the yelling has stopped for the time being. (Bad, Steph... Guys, I don't know if I can make it through the rest of this shit. Seriously, it's getting bad.)
"Yeah. Annoying." Roger gets off the couch and heads towards the kitchen, wanting something to wake him out of this state of insomnia, or maybe just take his mind of it for a while. Mark follows.
(Well, this is a little better. Now we get into the sense of insomnia that runs through the story and pretty much eats Roger from the inside out. I know what he feels like... *Walking dead for the past month*)
"Look, if there is something wrong between you and Mimi-" Mark is cut off when Roger turns on his heels and nearly knocks Mark backwards.
"There's nothing wrong," Roger growls.
Mark puts his hands up in surrender. "I just thought you might want to talk about it," he says, again left to try and calm Roger down before he did something he'd regret. Roger has done nothing but things he's regretted for the past three years. It doesn't seem like now would be a time to stop.
"No," Roger shouts. "You thought you might want to talk about it, Mark. What is it you want? You want to play martyr again, first with me and then with Mimi?" Roger doesn't mean to say the things he does, but they're spilling out of his mouth and he doesn't have a choice. Mimi's got her drugs and doesn't need Roger. Not like Roger needed Mark and it's unfair. Unfair that Mimi doesn't want to change and doesn't want Roger to help her while Roger was forced to change and clung to Mark the entire time. He's Roger. He shouldn't need anyone.
(So, for anyone who has ever written a play, one hard part is that there is no inner narration, like you can get away with in a story. In a story, it is easier to be subtle, because you have bits of the characters thoughts to help hint to the reader what they are thinking. In a play, you have to make the point clear enough that when a bunch of actors get the script, they can see the character's inner struggles without you needing to explain it to them, and so characters say a lot more things outloud then they do in a story. Yes, this all has a point.
So when you're writing a story about a play, you have a bunch of characters that, canonly, are prone to yelling out what would most likely, in another form, be their inner narratives. You're suck with those characters, then, and so you have moments like this that sound really fake in a story, but work on stage. These moments suck.)
"It's not like that!" Mark says. His face is twisted and hurt. (It would hurt if your face was twisted.) "I... I just thought you might need someone to talk to, that's all."
(Clearly, Mark has been in the bottle. Hello, dear, yes... Still the same Roger who arguably locked himself up in the loft for a year. Talking about his feelings isn't high on the list of things he wishes to partake in.)
"Well I don't," Roger spits. "All you want to do is talk, Mark, but that never gets you anywhere. Scripts and narratives didn't help Mimi the first time around and they aren't going to save her now. Why can't you get that through your head? Why can't you just leave it alone? Stop pretending you care. Stop pretending that all this drama is anything but camera feed for you, Mark."
(Hey, I actually like that bit. You can tell it by the fact that this is a running complaint against Mark in most of my other fics.)
It takes a lot to make Mark shout, but some how Roger always manages to bring it out in him. (I'll bet Roger can make Mark scream in other ways, too. Better ways... I'm talking about sex, people. Hot, steamy, man on man sex.) "If that's what you want, fine!" He yells, pulling on his coat and grabbing his camera hard enough that his fingers look dead white against the black handle. "You say I don't care? If I didn't care you think I would stick around through the smack and the withdraw and all your other problems? If anything I-" Mark trails off, chewing on his lower lip while his words sink in. "If all you wanted to do was leave me and wait for Mimi self destruct why didn't you just stay in Santa Fe?"
(That finishing thought is "I care too much", which I believe Mimi throws back at Roger later (or she is supposed to, I don't know if I got that in there or not. I have a habit of cutting things out, which can just make the flow very confusing.) Anyway, I don't think anyone got that, so I'm just going to point it out. And if it isn't in there, then.. Well, you guys should have used your psychic powers to know it SHOULD have been in there, okay?)
Roger leaves wondering what hurt more: Mark's words or Roger's fist in his friend's face.
(I don't think this was very clear, but Roger punched Mark. I got the feeling some people think Roger THOUGHT about punching him, because I didn't play out the violence. No, there is a real punch.
Later fics would reveal that Mark is sort of into that type of thing.)
*
That night when Mimi leaves, Roger does too.
He can't stand the idea of waiting up all night in that little apartment filled with trinkets and reminders of her and where she's going. (She's a stripper with a smack addiction. I wonder how many trinkets she actually has? Like, a bed, blankets, and clothes, right?) He thinks he'll go crazy if he has to spend one more night up there. Without thinking about earlier and without thinking at all Roger climbs out of bed and stalks back to the loft. He needs to get away.
(Wow, Roger reacting on gut emotions instead of thinking it through. There is a big surprise.)
His room is filthy. It's always filthy, but having been abandoned for nearly two months it looks even worse than usual. It's all scraps of paper with half written chords and dust. It's all empty and cold. Roger can't stand it. He picks up the closest thing he can find, a bottle of beer that's half empty and weeks old, and throws it against the wall.
There is a loud crash as glass and stale beer fly around the room. It feels good.
In less than a minute the room is completely trashed.
(There might be just a LITTLE 'Fight Club' in here, too. Oh, God, Brad Pitt in Fight Club... Just.. Drool. Oh, and did anyone else see 'The Sting'? Robert Redford, also quite hot. No, these thoughts aren't all related to the fic.)
Anything that Roger can pick up off the ground gets shredded and shattered against the concrete walls of the apartment. He's not at all picky about what it is: his radio, his magazines, his amps. Anything and everything has to be just as broken as him. (His, his, his. How very capitalist of me. Then again, I don't think Roger would be into communism so much. He is far too possessive.)
Mark gets there just as Roger is picking up his guitar. "What the hell?" Mark asks, eyes wide and clouded with sleep as he takes in Roger's room. When it registers what is going on he lunges for Roger, wrapping his hands around the guitar right as Roger tries to swing it against the wall.
(Yeah... No... Let's try... "Roger's mind goes blank, more clear than it's been in days of not sleeping, so empty and detached that he doesn't even registrar what he is doing as he grabs for his guitar. He just wants to get rid of everything, destroy his entire foundation.
"What the hell!" The screaming doesn't stop Roger as much as the hands that grab for his wrist, holding Roger's arms over his head before he can throw the fender down at the wall, break every bit of himself."
No, no matter how you rewrite it, it still sounds like, "Smash! Destroy! Kill!")
"Roger," Mark grunts when Roger pulls at the Fender, growling and demanding that Mark let go. Mark doesn't. "Roger, stop it!"
"Fuck you!" (Roger; always eloquent in a time of crisis.) Roger drops the guitar, backing far enough away that there is space between Mark and the wall. He kicks at his bed, hard enough that the room echos with the sound of his bones crunching. If he can't tear up his room he wants to tear up himself.
Mark is careful to put the guitar in a corner far away from Roger's violent actions and hidden in the shadows. He keeps it safe like he keeps Roger safe. "Rog..." He starts, but isn't sure what to say. Talking things out had never been a part of their friendship. Yelling and punching and ignoring, this he could do, but talking it out was so much harder and Roger would never have listened to him even if Mark could find the words.
(Random slip into Mark's POV! Hate myself!)
Mark slides his arms around Roger's back and lowers him into bed. Roger refuses to meet his eyes, staring at Mark's sleep shirt while he's tucked in. It's the one with that stupid cartoon figure on the front and has enough holes in it that it can't be any warmer than sleeping shirtless. Without thinking Roger lifts a hand to one of the large holes right bellow the collar.
Mark moves a little closer. Close enough that Roger's hand is trapped between their bodies and the two of them are nearly snuggling. It reminds Roger of when him and Mimi sleep together, before she gets up to leave him. It doesn't feel weird that him and Mark would sleep like this.
Mark says, "I have nightmares when you're not here."
(Mark plays well into that "I need you to save me," role, doesn't he? Too bad we all know the truth... He's like the damsel in distress who actually has a gun hidden up her dress and will shoot any real danger that gets near her prince. Oh my God, Mark has a 'gun' up his... No, never mind. That sounded more sexual in my head.)
Roger snorts. "You always have nightmares."
"Not always." Mark wiggles around until his face is pressed against Roger's chest and Roger can move his arms from between them and wrap them around Mark's waist. This doesn't feel weird, either. It feels comfortable and warm, and it doesn't take long for Roger's body to remind him how he hasn't been sleeping, how exhausted he is, and how Mark isn't going to leave him in the night.
The thought barely flickers in the background of Roger's mind before he's drifting to sleep.
He doesn't wake up until mid-afternoon the next day, and Mark is still pressed against him.
Touch & Tell Lullaby
Chapter III: Gone Is The Day
"He's cute."
Roger is strumming away on his guitar. He has a tune in his head that he can't work out through his fingers. Somewhere in the background of his mind he can hear Mimi talking. Trying to play the part of a decent boyfriend he says, "Huh?"
(There is an extraordinary amount of 'acting' done in this story. No, really, there is, have you noticed? If so, give yourself ten points. Yes, there are point sheets now.)
"Mark," Mimi replies, painting her fingernails to match the New York evening sun. Not that bright, burning yellow, but the orangey-red the sky takes on right before it sets. The color of light burning through a haze of smug and pollution. (Which is actually surprisingly pretty, but I like to add a grimy sound to things.) "He's cute."
(Mimi/Mark always erked me, as does Maureen/Roger although to a less extant. Not because it isn't Mark/Roger, but because Mark should have higher moral standards then Benny. Also, sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend is disgusting, because it puts romance before friendship. Who can name one of the things that is slowly killing my soul about modern culture?)
Roger's fingers miss the next set of strings. An angry sound bounces off the walls. Mimi leans against his shoulder. "Like a puppy or a younger brother," Mimi continues. She doesn't seem to notice that Roger has stopped playing. "He needs someone, you know. He seems like he needs someone. Someone to take care of him."
(More of that puppy/kid imagery going on for Mark. It is like he's an evil genius, isn't it? I mean, everything thinks he's the small, lost kid that needs help and he is behind the scenes, laughing evilly. Or, well, saving everyone's asses. Whatever.)
"We're here," Roger answers. "He has us and Collins and Maureen and Joanne." Roger doesn't mean for Joanne's name to come out sounding so cruel. Mark did seem to need Joanne. He'd gone out to lunch with her enough recently. "We take care of each other."
(Watch it, Roger. Joanne could kick your ass.)
Mimi dips the brush back in the paint and starts with her toenails. She gives a low, sultry laugh. "It seems weird that he doesn't date," Mimi says. "He hasn't seen anyone since Maureen, has he?"
(You know, when I think of Mimi I think of passionate and energetic, but not sexy. That sultry laugh just sounds so wrong on her... I want to take it back.)
"Mark doesn't need a girlfriend. He's in love with his camera." Roger hasn't really thought about his friend's dating habits, but it isn't odd that Mark doesn't see many girls. Mark doesn't have enough time for valentines and dinners. He has his film to make and Roger to watch after.
(Again, it's like Roger's subconscious is screaming and clawing at Roger, and he's just not there. Poor subconscious. It wants hot man on man sex. How very Freudian of it.)
"There are some girls down at the restaurant," Mimi says. "Some of them are really nice. Some of them are just the sort of girls that Mark would like."
"How would you know?" Roger's temper flares. He snaps, throwing his guitar onto the mattress and shrugging Mimi off him. (That guitar is getting a lot of abuse, isn't it? As we find out in later fics, it likes that sort of thing... Oh, wait. No it doesn't.) He doesn't want to touch her right now. He doesn't want to be having this conversation. "How would you know the type of girl Mark would like?"
(Subconscious: You want his ass!)
Roger has never seen the restaurant Mimi works at now, but he remembers the club. He remembers the girls with their bruised faces and the marks up their arms. He can't help but imagine one of them with her hands and lips all over Mark. Roger knows that Mimi is trying to change, that the girls at the restaurants aren't the same as the ones in the leather pants and handcuffs. Still, Roger doesn't want any of Mimi's so called friends around Mark.
(But, Roger, Mark likes leather and handcuffs. Or, at least, he does in my fics. What's the point of being all bohemian if you can't like a little kink?)
Mark is better than that. Mark doesn't deserve any of the shit girls like Mimi put men through. Roger has already done that to him once before.
(Comparing yourself to possible future girlfriends of Mark. Yeah, totally straight, Roger.)
"Besides," Roger sighs. He leans his forehead against the wall. The cold cement feels go against is too hot skin. "Would you want to date again after a mistake like Maureen?"
Mimi stands up, three toenails painted and clothes only half buttoned. "I'm going out," she announces, picking up her purse and refusing to look Roger in the eyes.
(These two are just always pissy with each other. Guys, this is why past drug habits aligning up is not what eHarmony typically uses to find matches.)
*
"Where does Mimi go?"
"What do you mean?" Roger knows what Mark means, but its better this way. Better if Roger pretends he has no idea where Mimi goes late at night. What she does when Roger's not there to stop her. It's better if Roger pretends his life isn't falling apart again.
(Yeah, I'm sure Mark didn't figure that out when you trashed your room. No way he noticed that one.)
Mark doesn't care what Roger wants to pretend isn't happening. He cares about Roger. "You always spend the night up here. Is it because Mimi leaves?"
It's easier to sleep next to Mark. Track free arms wrapped around his waist and a still body pressed against his. No wiggling free of the blankets so that he can sneak away. No cold bedspreads when Roger wakes up.
"Maybe she does," Roger says without looking away from his half finished music page. "So what?"
So it doesn't say a lot that Roger would rather sleep next to his best friend than his girlfriend.
So what is it about Roger that makes girls turn to smack and why can't Roger make them stop?
So why does Mark stick around when Roger can't keep a hold of anyone else?
(All excellent questions, Roger. Ones that will hunt you for, like, six more chapters even when everyone in the else knows the answer.)
Mark winces at Roger's harsh tone. He fiddles with his camera so that he doesn't have to face Roger's anger head on. He says, "She using, isn't she?" Roger hits a few stings on his guitar so that he doesn't have to answer. Mark says, "That's why you come up here, isn't it? So that you don't have to be with her when she's high. So that you don't have to stop her." Musetta's Waltz fills the air without Roger realizing what he's playing. Mark says, "You don't want to have to watch her do that, do you?"
The warm up waltz ends in a clash of sour notes. "Of course I can't!" Roger snaps. "I don't want to have to see Mimi like that!"
"You're jealous," Mark accuses. "You can't stand seeing her like that when you can't get high with her."
(Every now and then, I like to give my characters really good insight, then have them analyze that insight as something totally wrong. It's no fun when one person knows all the answers. RPing with idiots in my high school days taught me this.)
They're both on their feet. Mark has his fists curled up until the knuckles are stark white.
(Okay, yeah, but Mark is so white anyway, is anyone really impressed with this?) Roger is looming over his friend with a mincing sneer and a dangerous look in his eyes. "It's not like that," Roger growls. He wants to hit something. He wants to hit Mark for suggesting Roger could fall back into his old habits, for not trusting him. He wants to hit Mark because Roger often wonders how much easier it would be to just give in and follow Mimi down.
Mark is flushed. His breathing is uneven and loud. (This would have been so much better if they had just gotten done having sex.) He looks ready for a fight. When he speaks it's barely above a whisper. "Promise me you're not using again." Mark pleas, "Promise me you're won't start using again, Roger. Promise me."
Mark's voice drains away Roger's anger. Mark's eyes make Roger want to fall to his knees and hold Mark close and never even look at a needle again.
(Jesus, did I use Mark enough in those sentences? I know Roger is obsessed, but come on. I couldn't thrown out a pronoun?)
Roger hesitates, teetering between rage and the need to comfort. "I promise." His voice is low and cracks as he stumbles over the words. He says, "I'm not going to do that again, Mark, I promise. It's just... It would be..."
(See, all that puppy acting pays off when the other person is pissed at you. Girls, if you ever act dumb and helpless for a man I will track you down and personally bitch slap you. Swear to God.)
Roger's voice breaks down and so does Roger, and then Mark is right there. He's there to hold and comfort and make sure that Roger doesn't fall too far. It's all right for Roger to break down because Mark is there, and Mark understands.
*
That night Mimi calls in from work.
"Dylan needs me to stay late," she says. Roger can hear music and drunken laughter in the background. It doesn't sound like a restaurant. Mimi puts her hand over the receiver. There are muffled voices and a small scuffle. When Mimi comes back on she sounds too happy. "You don't need to wait up for me. I love you, Roger."
(The name Dylan reminds me of pickles, which is my excuse for my I originally spelled it, 'Dillion'.)
Roger hangs up the phone and goes to the loft.
Mark is in bed but not a sleep. Roger slides beneath the covers and scoots as close as he can. He buries his face in the crook of Mark's neck. In his arms, Mark begins shifting away. Roger says, "Please," and holds tight.
Roger thinks about Mimi sliding up some stranger's chest. He imagines rough hands tugging at her skirt. The mystery man in his head looks a lot like his old dealer
Mark coughs. "Rog, I can't breathe," He complains. Roger doesn't let go. Mark wiggles around in his arms some more before. Each move only makes Roger more determine to hold on. After a while Mark stops fighting against him. He sighs. "I'm not going to leave you, Roger."
(More Roger clinginess. Come on, this man so has a teddy bear tucked away somewhere.)
Roger loosens his arms enough that Mark can breathe. "You need to talk about this, Roger," Mark says, propping himself up on his elbows.
Roger nuzzles closer to Mark. He shuts his eyes and tries to make Mark's voice go away. All he wants right now is a warm body that isn't going to disappoint him. "I can't think about it," Roger admits. "I can't keep watching Mimi destroy herself over drugs like that. I love her too much."
(Okay, so it was Roger who said it, not Mimi, and it was a chapter later. It so still works. Aslo, here is more of that bad speech from play to story I was talking about. We'll blame Roger's tired, tired mind.)
Mark sighs and pulls out of Roger's arms. Roger opens his eyes when he feels the mattress move. Mark is standing by the bed, pulling on a pair of jeans. "I can't stay here tonight."
"Where are you going?" Roger's voice is laced with desperation. He wishes Mark would look at him so that he could plead properly, but Mark is too busy packing his camera away. "Mark," Roger repeats. "Mark!" Each time he sounds a little more frantic, but Mark doesn't even slow down. "You said you wouldn't leave me."
(See, and now we make the total switch. You keep hearing about how Mark is a child, but here Roger is the one acting out... I swear, I'm only saying that to hold back my, "Grow some balls!" comment. )
Mark doesn't pause until he's at the door way, packed to abandon Roger for a few nights at least. "I can't do this," Mark says. He runs a hand through his already messy hair, messaging his temple and still not meeting Roger's eyes. "I can't do this anymore, Roger, I can't watch you destroy yourself over Mimi. I..."
(These boys are basically saying the same thing about different people. They're both idiots.)
Mark trails off, letting the bedroom door close behind him. Roger waits in bed, knowing that Mark can't just leave him. He sits up and watches the door, because any second Mark is going to come back in and apologize for deserting Roger like this. Mark knows that Roger can't deal with these kinds of things on his own. He needs Mark to be there for him, and Mark has never failed him before. He'd come back. He couldn't just forget about Roger.
The sound of the front door closing echoes through the loft. Roger stays awake all night, knowing that Mark would have to come back to him.
*
"He's there, isn't he?"
Collins (Collins! What, I like him.) sighs. "I don't think he wants to talk to you right now."
"Please," Roger isn't sure when he got in the habit of begging, but he'd been doing it a lot lately. "Please Collins. I don't even know what I did."
"Roger, you-"
"Don't tell me to be patient!" Roger snaps. (Got to love that.) He knows he shouldn't be getting so upset with Collins but he can't help it. A week without Mark and with Mimi to deal with, Roger couldn't sleep at night and he couldn't play his guitar to save his life. He was falling apart, and Collins is the only person in the last few days that had stuck around long enough for Roger to yell at. "God, you sound just like Mimi. 'Just wait a while. He'll come back.' Why isn't he back yet, Collins. For fuck sake, I didn't even do anything!"
"Are you sure about that?" Collins asks. It's the sort of tone he takes on when he is trying to get Roger to see something obvious. Roger hates that tone.
Roger lets the conversation sit for a moment while he runs hand through his hair. He doesn't even try thinking back to what he might have done wrong. He's done worse before and Mark has never left him, so whatever it is this time it couldn't be Roger's fault. "I need to talk with him," Roger says. "There's all this pressure with Mimi and... I... I really need to talk with him Collins."
(Come on, tell me they don't already sound a hell of a lot like a couple.)
On the other side of the phone Collins sighs. "He's not here right now, Roger. He's out with... Someone."
"Joanne?" It's the only person Mark ever goes out with anymore.
Collins says, "No. Someone... Someone new. Give him some time, Roger. I think he's trying to work a few things out."
(Like, I don't know, why he wants guys? Why he wants one guy in particular despite the fact that said guy has, time and time again, proven that he was a total idiot. I'm surprised Collins doesn't say as much, but I don't think Roger would registrar what it meant. He'd probably just beat up Benny or something.)
"Someone new?" Roger's voice is a low snarl. He's pacing across the loft, working out energy he'd rather be using to beat someone up with. "You're telling me he left so that he could go on a few dates with some chick?"
(I feel Roger has the total right to be pissed about that, even though he's wrong.)
"It's nothing like that, Roger," Collins says. "Mark needs to feel good about himself. He needs to get his life together."
(I really don't think anyone is still reading this by now. I haven't really got too much insight on this scene, have I?)
"And he can't do that with me?" Roger is almost yelling into the phone now. The only thing stopping him is Mimi asleep in the next room. If he wakes her up they'll just have another row. That's all they'd been doing together, lately.
(So instead, I'm just going to image how hot Mark in a skirt would be.)
"No," Collins answers. "No, he can't."
(Especially, like, bent over the edge of the fires escape with his legs apart. So porny it hurts, huh? I'll bet there wouldn't even be sex. Like, Roger would just fall down, laughing his ass off. Roger ruins all my fun.)
The sincerity in his friend's voice makes Roger's blood chill over. He stops pacing, almost stops breathing for a few minutes while his system tries to digest this information. Mark didn't need him. Mark didn't want him to be around. Mark really had left him.
(Time to accept that you guys are dating without dating, and that you are Mark's bitch.)
It takes Roger a while to find his voice. "Fine." He sounds broken. He feels broken. "Fine. Let him date who ever he wants. I'm only his best fucking friend, right? Why should I be included in his life at all, huh?"
"Roger," Collins voice is soothing and understanding. Roger doesn't want to listen to him.
"I have to go," He says. "Don't bother telling him I called."
(Yeah, and Collins totally listened to him, too.)
*
"What is it this time?"
Roger doesn't bother looking up from his guitar when Mimi comes in. He already knows how this conversation will go. It's going to be another one of their fights. Mimi is wearing her street clothes; Roger could hear her heavy boots stomping up the stairs. Roger hasn't been able to write a single song since Mark had left. Today hadn't gone any better, and the band is starting to get impatient.
(You do have to pity Mimi here, right? She doesn't even have a chance, Roger has decided that they are going to fight and there is nothing she can really do. Roger sucks sometimes, and not in a good way.)
"Excuse me?" Mimi asks. She doesn't sit down next to him. She stands directly in front of him, tapping her foot against the hard concrete floor and waiting for Roger to look up. He doesn't it. "What do you mean by that?"
Roger sighs, collapsing over his fender. It's no use to keep strumming away. "The fight. What is it going to be about this time?"
"Like I ever had a say," Mimi yells, heel coming down on the floor hard. "It's always you who has to be yelling about something."
(At least Mimi realizes how much it sucks to be her.)
"Maybe if you didn't give me so many reasons!" Roger's fingers curl around his guitar until the strings feel like they can cut his palm open. His eyes are closed so tightly he can feel the blood pumping around his skull. "I don't want to do this."
Mimi snorts. "Yes you do. You always need something to get on me about, Roger. You have to know everything I do and every one I see. You're the one who starts these fights, not me!" Mimi sighs, shaking her head. "No wonder Mark left."
(You think anyone but Roger hasn't realized yet how damn couply him and Mark are?)
That does it. The guitar hits the ground with a loud thud. (I don't hate the fender, I swear. I just like to bruise it up a bit. I hit you out of love, baby.) Roger is on his feet, pushing himself up into Mimi's face. "You have no idea!" He yells. "You come in here high on smack and dressed like that. What do you expect me to think, Mimi?"
"Maybe if you stopped acting like such a possessive asshole people would stick around." Roger tries to reply, but Mimi is already storming out, shouting Spanish phrases that Roger can't understand.
(Total points to Mimi, here. Seriously, both are so fucked over, but there is a point where you don't take it anymore. Not that Mimi is in the right with the drugs...)
He follows after her, ignoring the slammed down in his face. "So that's it, you're leaving!" He yells, leaning over the railing as Mimi hurries down the stairs.
"Mark had the right idea!" Mimi doesn't stop when she's screaming up at Roger. "You and your fucking problems."
"My problems! I'm not the one who-" Mimi is almost out of sight. Roger lets go of the railing and runs after her. "I'm not the one who fucks around for some extra blow."
"I need blow to deal with you!" Mimi shouts back, tugging the front door open so hard the frame shakes. She stalks out onto the front street, knocking over one of the homeless men sleeping on the front step.
(I meant heroin, I did, but blow has a better sound, you know. And who is to say she doesn't do coke as well? She so does now.)
"Don't bother coming back," Roger yells, and Mimi keeps walking away.
(You've probably all gotten that I dislike this romance just a bit, or the foundations of it at least, but I love writing these fights, I do. They're so passionate, you know, and so the fighting is just as energized and they're just FUN to write. I'm a terrible person.
So, technically speaking, when I wrote the first chapter it was supposed to be the only chapter, but then I decided it needed more, and I thought I would wrap it up in three chapters. If you were reading this why I wrote it, you might remember that I swore every chapter after this would be the last chapter. I don't think it's until chapter 8 that I actually outlined what I was doing, which I'm sure is the only reason I'm not still writing this damn story. The point is, after chapter one, I was bullshitting. You can tell, huh?)