Mom Probs

[geminiwench]

I am *extremely* lucky to be in my mid 30s, and have a good, close relationship with my mom.
Sailor and I are lucky to be living in her house in the city, while she makes her home in "Squalor Hollow" up on the mountaintops.
It's not free, noooooooo.

Comments

[ravena_kade]

hugs...

and good for you for "getting" that she can't help it.

[geminiwench]

She's hard to deal with when she's feeling manic, crazed, wanting to work from sunup to sundown and then read (or talk) till 4am....
....
...but I admit it's better than her depressions where she can't get out of bed, doesn't feel she DESERVES to eat, or be warm, or be comfortable, or be ANYTHING other than miserable and/or dead.

I think I realized before I left my teen years that it was OBVIOUS that this is WHO my mom IS. If she could CHOOSE to stop feeling that way... behaving that way... if she could make herself make sense to herself....SHE WOULD!

[abnormal_apathy]

Good lord but I've done the thing with starting a major project and then leaving shit in shambles for months.

And also...100% relate to the not eating and not allowing myself any comfort because my brain tells me I didn't earn it.

[geminiwench]

Her reaction to care and self-care is how I learned.... to care for MYSELF. Because I saw that she could do nice things for me... but she couldn't do them for herself or let others do them for her. You have to ATTACK her with kindness... or just leave kindness at the door, because she just runs away from that shit

[celluloid_jam]

Just wanted to say that I enjoy you and I think that we should hang out IRL at some point. This summer?

PS: I haven't met up with an Internet Persontm in well over a decade, so please don't be creepy. ;)

[geminiwench]

My goodly friendlies from Boston (originally from Seattle, more originally from Spokane) are moving back to Federal Way, and so I KNOW I'll be over there this Summer!

Don't worry, I'm TOTALLY creepy, and 100% weirdo.
I like riding horses nude on beaches while the sun sets glistening rays on my waves of undulating bellyfat telling you about what OTHER things I like. *winky face*
Vampires*
Insane Clown Posse**
People who can properly appreciate a velour jogging suit***
I mean.....
Puppies
Kitties
Cupcakes

*(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqMTHKth2sQ)
**(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43t_tgstZW8)
***(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkXHUPcvtYg)

[celluloid_jam]

*cackle*

This past weekend in Oak Harbor with our Wilsons, Luka finally freaking fell asleep in the car while we were on our way to do a brief little shopping trip in Coupeville / Whidbey Island. Joe and Jeff sat in the car with music and smokes and road beers *ahem* coffee, while Sasa and I went shopping for about an hour

[geminiwench]

I'd LIKE to think we're weirdo creepers... but in the same way.

Something similar happened to me and my friend when I agreed to help her look around at wedding dresses to get an idea of what she wanted, and she had agreed not to burn ANY OF THEM, even though she already knew she was going to feel that urge. (Size 28 lady, going to dress stores.... that lady is a SAINT for not burning that shit down!) and we started riffing a radio play about this silver lame' 80's mermaid-skirt prom dress we found which was actually an alien in disguise, and the fate of the poor alien who got bought and had a naked lady climb into it and squiggle it about! THE HORROR!

There weren't that many of us in the store, but EVERYONE got at least a line in, jumping into the story! Ha!

[sweetmeow]

Oh. My God. I have no words.

Despite it all, I can feel the love between you. You accept her as she is, and, as ravena_kade said -- she can't help it, and that's not something everyone learns. It reduces the drama.

However ... I see a scenario for an upcoming nightmare: *snicker* ... my son's journal about me! (not that he keeps one, mind you?!)

[geminiwench]

Strangely enough, it was really easy for me to understand at a young age that other people WERE NOT living for my personal benefit and convenience. They were not WHO THEY WERE, for me or my comfort. Even... my mom.

She might not have stable moods or is comfortable thinking things through or planning ahead.... but she is loving, and kind, and generous. She's funny and WICKED smart. Just this winter, she probably read 150 books or more. At LEAST a book a day, for just over 3 months.

It's just hard when some of the things you're REALLY GOOD AT happen to be:
"hating yourself" and
"rushing into things full of passion and no plan"
and that's my mom!

[geminiwench]

I'll point out that she is *one* kind of bi-polar. She is a self-defeatist and whenever she is angry, she turns it inward, toward herself.

She isn't mean to other people *at all* and tries very hard not to take things out on people.

There is the other kind, though... which seems more common. That their anger goes *outward*. When they are manic, they are AGGRESSIVE.

If ya gotta have a bi-polar mom... I'm glad I didn't get the kind that's a bully. My good friend grew up with one of those... and once woke up as a teenager with a knife to his throat after him and his mom had argued the night before. He thought they figured it out when he went to bed, but her frenzy turned to anger, turned into rage which boiled all night until she couldn't hold it in anymore and figured she'd SHOW HIM that she was IN CONTROL.

Although... consider that my mom does that TO HERSELF, if that gives a picture of what a bi-polar swing can *feel* like from the *inside*.

[geminiwench]

Are you happening be reading "Glass Castle" by Jeanette Walls? (Wallis?)
I read that one a few years ago and was definitely like, "Yup! That's my mom!" Even the obsessive painting/drawing is my mom (who is EXTREMELY artistic) and my mom "sees faces" when she is off her meds in *every abstract form*. Dots on the ceiling? Faces. Marbleized floors? Faces. Shadows in the trees? Faces. Really distinct, emotive, individual faces which she can draw and point to them and show people and go, "See?" and it is like, "WOAH! There is a DEFINITE face there! And it's SMIRKING!"

The planting flowers and then pulling them up is her MO, too. There are times she is creative, there are times she is destructive (and honestly... those ones come and go TOGETHER, usually. Manic energy is WEIRD!) and other times she's simply immobilized by her depressions.

[geminiwench]

I will have to seek out that book! Thank you!

There are SO MANY DIFFERENT kinds of people! Ways to see things, ways to experience things, ways to think about things. It's nice to talk to other people who think about that, too.