I can understand your support for your friend, she did indeed do the correct thing by calling the police and refusing to tolerate any more of that kind of treatment. She's also lucky to have a supportive friend like you. It's very possible that her fella witnessed that kind of conduct in his own home and just figured that this is how the world is supposed to work. Wrong!
I've met both of his parents many times over the years, and he definitely had a "demanding" family life, but talking to his siblings over the years I got the feeling that he was just really really spoiled. Oldest child, golden boy son in a family that believes in the patriarchy. He was hostile and explosive as a child and everyone just sorta.... gave in, and there were no rule changes (for him) between being a toddler and growing up into a man, so he just remained a petulant entitled person prone to escalating and tantrums to get his way because it was acceptable AND it always worked.
The other kids in the family didn't get that license... because everyone was busy catering to his moods. A living breathing, 40 year old husband and father Veruca Salt.
( ... )
That's not even karma! That's just the simplicity of suffering the well-known and obvious codified consequences of your actions.
It's just such a shame that he has spent so much of his life feeling superior to everyone and entitled to be explosive and aggressive whenever he feels like it, and this is the first time he's TRULY being taught otherwise in a way he can't possibly ignore.
thanks for that story, lady, about calling the cops. Jeff used to act like he was calling the cops, pick up the phone, fake dial, start a fake conversation, to freak me out and manipulate me. I never had the balls to actually get help from the cops. Ick. I'm proud of your friend too.
I hope all your weird medical shit is bearable and doesn't cause you too much pain. Best of luck on that (those
Holy shit! Wow,... never tell my friend's husband that because... that is EXACTLY what he'd do whether to her... or to someone else. Gaslighting all day all night. I am so sorry!!
Reading your journal for years, I've gotten an **impression** of Jeff, but you've tried to be very deliberately "over it" and trying to be neutral for the sake of Ellie. But... woah, that is absolutely horrible trickery.
There are a lot of reasons people DO call the cops, and a lot of reasons they don't... but the decision is *always* hard, especially if you're from a culture that is either afraid of the police (poverty, mental illness, race, immigration status, drugs present) or afraid of the stigma (class, pretentiousness, pride) you are sort of rolling the dice to call. It takes guts, and more than that... it takes a *mindset* to allow that it's-now-out-of-my-hands institutional intrusion of your "personal problem". It's HUGE.
I have a fair amount of distance from Jeff now. And you're right - I try to be over it and neutral for Effie.
But I may be a little too impartial, and failing to protect her from him. I don't really know what goes on when she's with him... I overhear phone calls, and I see them together at pick-up/drop-off sometimes...
She tells me she's uncomfortable with him sometimes, that she has a hard time talking to him, especially that she doesn't have the courage to tell him that she wants him to treat her like she is older (because she is now).
I ought to have more conversations with her about how to be in order to withstand the gaslighting and manipulation. ick. Its a fine line ... I don't want to taint him in her eyes, but I also want to protect her. Gotta be real.
*facepalm* Thanks for correcting me with Effie's name! **big heart**
I understand why you'd want to let her make her own image of him, but she also deserves to be equipped (especially as she gets older) to handle him (and not blame herself) when he is a person who treats other people like that.
There is no right answer... there is only the best you can do. And you're already trying that... so thank you.
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The other kids in the family didn't get that license... because everyone was busy catering to his moods. A living breathing, 40 year old husband and father Veruca Salt.
( ... )
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Your description of his arrest made me cackle.
At least someone got a heaping plate of their own karma.
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That's just the simplicity of suffering the well-known and obvious codified consequences of your actions.
It's just such a shame that he has spent so much of his life feeling superior to everyone and entitled to be explosive and aggressive whenever he feels like it, and this is the first time he's TRULY being taught otherwise in a way he can't possibly ignore.
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I hope all your weird medical shit is bearable and doesn't cause you too much pain. Best of luck on that (those
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Reading your journal for years, I've gotten an **impression** of Jeff, but you've tried to be very deliberately "over it" and trying to be neutral for the sake of Ellie. But... woah, that is absolutely horrible trickery.
There are a lot of reasons people DO call the cops, and a lot of reasons they don't... but the decision is *always* hard, especially if you're from a culture that is either afraid of the police (poverty, mental illness, race, immigration status, drugs present) or afraid of the stigma (class, pretentiousness, pride) you are sort of rolling the dice to call. It takes guts, and more than that... it takes a *mindset* to allow that it's-now-out-of-my-hands institutional intrusion of your "personal problem". It's HUGE.
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But I may be a little too impartial, and failing to protect her from him. I don't really know what goes on when she's with him... I overhear phone calls, and I see them together at pick-up/drop-off sometimes...
She tells me she's uncomfortable with him sometimes, that she has a hard time talking to him, especially that she doesn't have the courage to tell him that she wants him to treat her like she is older (because she is now).
I ought to have more conversations with her about how to be in order to withstand the gaslighting and manipulation. ick. Its a fine line ... I don't want to taint him in her eyes, but I also want to protect her. Gotta be real.
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Thanks for correcting me with Effie's name! **big heart**
I understand why you'd want to let her make her own image of him, but she also deserves to be equipped (especially as she gets older) to handle him (and not blame herself) when he is a person who treats other people like that.
There is no right answer... there is only the best you can do.
And you're already trying that... so thank you.
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