Notes on Into Morning
Okay, let me be all self-indulgent and navel-gaze a bit on my most recent fic, Into Morning. It's very metaphor-y...and I like metaphors...so...
Really, it's my most pretentious fic since Lotophagi. Though I give myself props for not using an obscure reference to Greek mythology in the title this time.
Ultimately, I wanted to do a post-NFA Spuffy reunion fic. You know, Buffy finds Spike, there's crying, maybe some punching, likely some arguing, then some kissing and shagging. Yeah, I love those fics. I wanted to do one of my own.
But I didn't want to do what everybody else does. So I decided that Spike was injured in the big fight and Buffy's by his bedside. And that's the reunion. I guess I could have done a poignant ficlet with Spike waking up to see Buffy with him, but I wanted more. I wanted to show why it means so much to Spike that Buffy's there with him when he wakes up.
So that's what Into Morning does. It shows what's going on in Spike's mind immediately after spending a year in L.A.. In this way, it reflects a lot on Spike's character and the Buffy/Spike relationship in canon.
Hold on with me, because I'm getting really egotistical and analyzing my own fic. But the linchpin of the story is Dawn, of course. Dawn, who he'd had a relationship with years ago that he thought had left off on a good note, and he's excited to see her again. The Dawn storyline in Spike's dream parallels his own fears about meeting Buffy again. Because when Will meets Dawn, he discovers that their entire relationship is not what he thought it had been. Worse, he'd grievously hurt her and ruined his chances to ever get back in with his former friends.
This is what sends Will over the edge into suicide. Of course, then the metaphor broadens a bit, because after Will's "death", Buffy rescues him. Much like, in reality, Buffy had rescued Spike from his own evol ways.
Will is a bit of a jerk, to be honest. And unlike Spike, Will has given up. He doesn't even try. Whenever some bad event happens (catching Dru cheating on him, crashing his car, etc), he feels like he's in a movie. He doesn't have control. He's just letting life take him wherever it will.
This ain't Spike, obviously. Spike fights for whatever his goal is. Spike doesn't give up. His unconscious mind, in the fantasy of Will, allows him to metaphorically give up - even if just for a couple days - before finally meeting Buffy again.
The story, itself, was fun to write. I can't do straight drama very well. I had considered making the story longer, but I wouldn't have a clue how to drag it out. So I kept it short, and there's a lot of background that just isn't explained. Will's past with Dru, for instance. Details about his job (Though China Imports is a reference to the first Slayer he killed...appropriately headed by Giles, a Watcher). Hell, how he met Dawn, who was 16 when they were together. And I like that there's this openness to the dream world because it adds more weight to what Will is going through. That the events seen in the fic are just the latest in a long line of disappointments.
I know a lot of commenters found that it bore a resemblance to Normal Again, which...surprised me, but it shouldn't have. Anyway, that's truly coincidental. Dreams and reality are mixy in the fic, but its ending is supposed to be very unambiguous. And I hope reading back through it knowing what's going on will give hints as to which is real. Little things like Will noticing a Desoto drive past him or the fact that Dru's lover in chapter one is Doc (yep. Bet you missed that). Tiny details that wouldn't make sense for these people or things to show up in Will's dreams before they appear in his reality, but they make complete sense the other way around - that Spike is incorporating objects and people from his life into his dream, sometimes at random (Ever seen Mulholland Drive?).
At first I wasn't sure exactly how Spike's dream would go. I had originally written Will meeting up with Angel at a bar after his therapist's appointment, and then they talk about work and Angel selling out, and it just became too obvious I was trying to make Explicit Parallels to canon. I wanted something more subtle, and I wanted it to focus on Spike's feelings rather than actual, concrete happenings. So you have Will feeling resentment that he's not as close to Angel as he used to be. You have him feeling angry at Drusilla, who he feels led him astray and then cheated on him. You have him discovering that he's something of a douchebag for knocking up a teenage girl and ditching her, and then not being able to deal with it. Unlike Spike, who tried to fix himself upon realizing the extent of his monsterness (the AR), Will opts to kill himself instead.
I was tempted to have Buffy be the bride at the wedding. In fact, I threw in a few hints that that may be the case. But I thought that was too obvious. Also, that turns Buffy into an object for Will and Angel to fight over. I wanted to show Buffy not as a passive object, but as active. Like how Spike sees her. Instead of being there to be coveted, she's Will/Spike's rescuer. Off-duty, but stopping to help when she sees an accident. That's Buffy to Spike. She does.
Obviously, the dream starts to break apart when this happens. The accident that Will had been in is suddenly not that bad (Previously, his legs had been pinned, but the obstruction disappears when Buffy appears to help him). And then it dissolves completely when they lock hands (see my subtle hand symbolism?).
Then we get a happily ever after Spuffy scene, which was the whole point of the fic in the first place.
There. I promise, I won't talk about my own stuff at this length any more.
Really, it's my most pretentious fic since Lotophagi. Though I give myself props for not using an obscure reference to Greek mythology in the title this time.
Ultimately, I wanted to do a post-NFA Spuffy reunion fic. You know, Buffy finds Spike, there's crying, maybe some punching, likely some arguing, then some kissing and shagging. Yeah, I love those fics. I wanted to do one of my own.
But I didn't want to do what everybody else does. So I decided that Spike was injured in the big fight and Buffy's by his bedside. And that's the reunion. I guess I could have done a poignant ficlet with Spike waking up to see Buffy with him, but I wanted more. I wanted to show why it means so much to Spike that Buffy's there with him when he wakes up.
So that's what Into Morning does. It shows what's going on in Spike's mind immediately after spending a year in L.A.. In this way, it reflects a lot on Spike's character and the Buffy/Spike relationship in canon.
Hold on with me, because I'm getting really egotistical and analyzing my own fic. But the linchpin of the story is Dawn, of course. Dawn, who he'd had a relationship with years ago that he thought had left off on a good note, and he's excited to see her again. The Dawn storyline in Spike's dream parallels his own fears about meeting Buffy again. Because when Will meets Dawn, he discovers that their entire relationship is not what he thought it had been. Worse, he'd grievously hurt her and ruined his chances to ever get back in with his former friends.
This is what sends Will over the edge into suicide. Of course, then the metaphor broadens a bit, because after Will's "death", Buffy rescues him. Much like, in reality, Buffy had rescued Spike from his own evol ways.
Will is a bit of a jerk, to be honest. And unlike Spike, Will has given up. He doesn't even try. Whenever some bad event happens (catching Dru cheating on him, crashing his car, etc), he feels like he's in a movie. He doesn't have control. He's just letting life take him wherever it will.
This ain't Spike, obviously. Spike fights for whatever his goal is. Spike doesn't give up. His unconscious mind, in the fantasy of Will, allows him to metaphorically give up - even if just for a couple days - before finally meeting Buffy again.
The story, itself, was fun to write. I can't do straight drama very well. I had considered making the story longer, but I wouldn't have a clue how to drag it out. So I kept it short, and there's a lot of background that just isn't explained. Will's past with Dru, for instance. Details about his job (Though China Imports is a reference to the first Slayer he killed...appropriately headed by Giles, a Watcher). Hell, how he met Dawn, who was 16 when they were together. And I like that there's this openness to the dream world because it adds more weight to what Will is going through. That the events seen in the fic are just the latest in a long line of disappointments.
I know a lot of commenters found that it bore a resemblance to Normal Again, which...surprised me, but it shouldn't have. Anyway, that's truly coincidental. Dreams and reality are mixy in the fic, but its ending is supposed to be very unambiguous. And I hope reading back through it knowing what's going on will give hints as to which is real. Little things like Will noticing a Desoto drive past him or the fact that Dru's lover in chapter one is Doc (yep. Bet you missed that). Tiny details that wouldn't make sense for these people or things to show up in Will's dreams before they appear in his reality, but they make complete sense the other way around - that Spike is incorporating objects and people from his life into his dream, sometimes at random (Ever seen Mulholland Drive?).
At first I wasn't sure exactly how Spike's dream would go. I had originally written Will meeting up with Angel at a bar after his therapist's appointment, and then they talk about work and Angel selling out, and it just became too obvious I was trying to make Explicit Parallels to canon. I wanted something more subtle, and I wanted it to focus on Spike's feelings rather than actual, concrete happenings. So you have Will feeling resentment that he's not as close to Angel as he used to be. You have him feeling angry at Drusilla, who he feels led him astray and then cheated on him. You have him discovering that he's something of a douchebag for knocking up a teenage girl and ditching her, and then not being able to deal with it. Unlike Spike, who tried to fix himself upon realizing the extent of his monsterness (the AR), Will opts to kill himself instead.
I was tempted to have Buffy be the bride at the wedding. In fact, I threw in a few hints that that may be the case. But I thought that was too obvious. Also, that turns Buffy into an object for Will and Angel to fight over. I wanted to show Buffy not as a passive object, but as active. Like how Spike sees her. Instead of being there to be coveted, she's Will/Spike's rescuer. Off-duty, but stopping to help when she sees an accident. That's Buffy to Spike. She does.
Obviously, the dream starts to break apart when this happens. The accident that Will had been in is suddenly not that bad (Previously, his legs had been pinned, but the obstruction disappears when Buffy appears to help him). And then it dissolves completely when they lock hands (see my subtle hand symbolism?).
Then we get a happily ever after Spuffy scene, which was the whole point of the fic in the first place.
There. I promise, I won't talk about my own stuff at this length any more.