[Crossover: DW/L&S] When in Rome...
Title: When in Rome...
Fandom: Crossover: Doctor Who/Lilo&Stitch WHAAAAAT?? 0=)
Characters: Nine, Rose, Captain Jack, Gantu, Lilo, Nani, Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley.
Pairings: With Jack here, you want me to list them?
Rating: PG
Length: +4500
Summary: When the TARDIS lands on Hawaii, the first thing the crew sees is Gantu in hunting mode.
Spoilers: None.
Author's notes: Taking some details from the Lilo&Stitch TV series, but not really acknowledging it nor the movie sequels.
“There was this place I used to go when I was a kid, with my family” Jack began, a dreamy look upon his face. “It was a beach. The most amazing beach you could ever dream of.” He sighed. “The sand so white and the sky and the ocean so blue and going for miles and miles and miles. All the way to the horizon. And the fun we had!” He shook his head, his mouth forming a nostalgic smile. “Oh, you should've seen us running around, yelling, enjoying life...” He sighed again. “I really miss those days...”
Jack noticed with the corner of his eyes how Rose was looking at him like if he was a little lost kitten and he knew he'd won half the battle. He didn't let it show, though. He wasn't going to ruin everything for something as silly as that, so he kept his eyes fixed at a spot on the wall.
And he kept on sighing deeply.
After a little while, she finally spoke. Among her words were the ones Jack wanted to hear: “Why don't we go to a beach? The three of us.”
Jack beamed and this once he was being totally sincere.
The idea had hit Jack as soon as he woke up one morning a couple of days ago. It was formed full, all the details were worked out; all he had to do was take it to practice. It'd been as if his subconscious had worked on it for quite a while now, which wouldn't have surprised the captain one bit. He was that great.
And this brainchild of his had been a success. The Doctor just couldn't say no to Rose and the TARDIS was now on her way to a hot, wet place where Jack could enjoy the sight of both the Doctor and Rose in swimsuits for a few days. Because she was going to convince him to go into the water, Jack was sure of it, and it'd be silly even for the Doctor to swim with a leather jacket. Hence, swimsuit.
Rose was already wearing a very lovely light dress with a flower pattern, and the captain himself was also aptly attired with a white, short-sleeve shirt and a pair of black shorts. The Doctor hadn't changed his clothes, but he'd been busy deciding exactly where they'd go, so he'd do it when they get there. Hopefully.
“Here we are!” the Doctor announced proudly when they landed. “On the other side of the door is the beautiful, tropical island of Kaua'i, Hawaii!”
“Great!” Rose exclaimed. She immediately went towards the door to see the outside.
Seeing that the Doctor was putting the TARDIS key on a pocket instead of going to change, Jack turned around. Apparently, he'd have to push things here too. “Doctor? Don't you think it's too hot out there to-”
“Doctor!” Rose called suddenly from the door. “Are you sure this is the Earth?”
The Doctor blinked, surprised. “Yeah,” he said after checking the TARDIS's monitor. “Yes, we're on Earth. Why?”
“Because there's a giant shark walking out there carrying a gun.”
Oh, great. They'd landed just in time to prevent another invasion to Earth. Did the Doctor do it on purpose? Either way, Jack was going to earn that swimsuit.
He began by running outside following the Doctor.
Both Rose and the Doctor had been right: the island was tropical and beautiful and there was a giant shark walking through the palm trees, a few meters from them, carrying a gun. Not any gun, mind you, but a plasma gun. Those things were dangerous.
The shark himself wasn't all that bad, though. His skin glittered in the sun and his eyes were of a nice shade of blue. A shame he was way over Jack's safety measures. And that they didn't know if he was friend or foe, of course.
The shark stopped all of the sudden. He scratched his head for a second and looked around.
That's when he saw them.
And then he bent down towards them.
Immediately, the Doctor gave a step forward and raised his arms slightly to put them in front of Jack and Rose. That made Jack feel both flattered and appreciated, but he still prepared himself to take action if needed. Which at the end didn't seem to be likely, since the shark put his gun away.
“Excuse me,” he said, very politely. “Have you seen a small, blue, fluffy beast around here?” He used two of his three fingers to indicate how small the beast he was looking for was.
“No, we haven't,” the Doctor said, calmly.
The shark sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. “Oh, well. That's yet another day lost.”
“You're not from around here, are you?” the Doctor asked.
“Uh... no.” The shark began to play with his fingers. “Not exactly. I'm from Samoa.”
“Samoa. The island Samoa. The island Samoa on Earth.”
“Yes. That one. Absolutely.”
“Aren't you a little too big for a Samoan?” Jack said.
“I- It's- I'm big boned and I have a lot of muscle. I swim my way here from there every morning and back every night. That's why. Now, if you excuse me, I have business to attend. Now that I think about it, maybe I haven't lost the day,” he muttered. He spun around and walked away. His steps thundered for a few moments.
“No way he's from Samoa,” Rose said, snorting.
“He's most likely from the Creplot System, either from the fourth or the eighth planet,” the Doctor said. “They can be dangerous when cross.”
Jack nodded. “Duly noted.”
“But what's he doing here?” Rose asked.
“And why would he think anyone would believe he's from Samoa?” Jack added.
The Doctor turned to them and grinned. “Let's find out!”
The big shark was easy to follow; he'd let a path of destroyed vegetation and his prints were quite obvious. This guy had failed all his courses on camouflage, and very painfully so. Jack poked at one of the prints with the point of his foot, thinking he would never trust someone so careless with a plasma gun. Too bad someone already had.
The trail led them to a small, lovely town where no one was panicking. There was no alien in sight, but the footprints were all along the main street.
“Maybe he made himself invisible,” Jack mused.
“Could be,” the Doctor said. “He didn't look like he wanted to create chaos or hurt people-”
The Doctor was interrupted by a scream. A child's scream.
Startled, the three of them ran towards the source of the noise.
They got to an alley, where a little girl in a red-and-white mu'umu'u who couldn't be older than six, had been cornered by the giant shark.
“Where is the trog?” he was asking the girl.
And he was pointing at her with his gun.
Jack frowned. That guy had crossed the line. Big time. The captain looked at the Doctor, awaiting instructions.
The Doctor had already taken out his sonic screwdriver and he didn't look happy, to say something.
Nice meeting you, sharkie.
The girl stuck her tongue out. She seemed more angry than scared. “I'm not telling you anything, you big bully.”
The kid was brave, Jack had to admire that.
“Don't make me count to three,” the shark warned, very slowly.
“You don't scare me,” the girl said, crossing her arms.
“One...”
Jack attempted to step forward, but the Doctor stopped him.
“Doctor?” Rose asked, but the Doctor only put a finger on his lips.
“Wait,” he whispered.
“Two...”
The girl stuck her tongue out again.
“Two and a half...”
The girl folded her arms and looked away, frowning.
“Two and three quarters...”
Silence.
“Three!”
The shark pressed the trigger and at the same time the Doctor activated his screwdriver.
The plasma gun did nothing but puff some smoke to the amazement of both the owner and the little girl.
“Damn this thing!” the shark said, shaking his weapon. “They don't build them as they used to anymore!”
The girl was smart enough to take the opportunity to run away. Though she take her time to kick the shark's foot on her way to where the time travelers were. From there, she began to make faces at the shark.
Jack turned to see Rose. She looked as confused as he felt; that made him feel a little better.
“Excuse me,” the Doctor began, hands on his back. “Cornering a little girl with a gun is some sort of tradition in Samoa?”
“He does it all the time,” the girl said, matter-of-factly.
The shark flailed. “That's because you just don't cooperate!”
“You should be ashamed of yourself,” The Doctor added, harshly. “Very, very ashamed.”
Jack remembered what the Doctor had said earlier about that species being provoked and, angry at himself for having left all his weapons at the TARDIS, he got ready to grab both Rose and the child and run for it to the ship. Then he'd come back to help the Doctor to deal with the shark.
But he didn't have to; nothing happened.
At the Doctor's words, the shark blinked a couple of times and then he lowered his massive head. And he sobbed. “You're right. I- I'm a failure.” Then he turned around and walked away, his massive chin pressed against his chest, over fences and through yards and streets as carelessly as before. Or more, since now he wasn't even looking what he was stepping on.
Yet, no one screamed.
The Doctor grinned again. “He! That was easy.” He put the screwdriver away and knelt down and looked at the girl in the eyes. “What's your name?” he asked after a second.
“I'm Lilo. Who are you?”
“I'm the Doctor. And these,” he said while standing up, “are Rose and Captain Jack. They are going to take you home.”
“Hello,” the girl said.
The recently appointed bodyguards gaped at the Doctor.
“Why are you so calmed?” Rose asked. “He was going to kill her!”
“Nah, he wasn't,” the Doctor said. “The gun was set on net-throwing, not plasma-throwing. And you knew that, didn't you?” he asked Lilo, who nodded. “I want to know what's happening here and I'm not going to interrogate a child. So, let's find ourselves an adult who knows what's going on. Oh, and by the way, she's human.”
As the Doctor spoke, Jack felt a tugging on his short. He bent down. “Yes?” he asked to Lilo.
“Are you really a captain?” she asked while looking attentively at his face. “Are you married?”
Jacked sighed inwardly. He hated it when this happened, but that was life and even he had his limits. “I don't, but... Listen, kid, I do think you're cute but-”
“Good.” Lilo took out a photograph from a pocket. There was a nice-looking young woman there right next to the child. “This is my sister Nani. She's single too,” Lilo whispered on Jack's ear.
Jack felt a wave of relief and smiled broadly. He wished there were children this helpful everywhere he went. Never mind 'Hello, I just saved your baby sister from a mean, shark-looking alien with a gun,' was always a great pick-up line.
Specially since this once it was true. Sort of.
About ten minutes later, Jack and Lilo walked into the grocery store Nani, Lilo's legal guardian, worked in. Rose had remained outside asking people if they could see the 'Samoan' as what he truly was, and the Doctor, to Jack's utter delight, had announced he'd change clothes because it was too hot there, so he'd join them later.
During their walk, Lilo had made herself useful recommending Jack several romantic places through the island, though her idea of 'romantic' was quite unusual. Or maybe it was the age. Or even the cultural shock; Jack'd have to ask the Doctor later.
The store was lovely in a very, very retro way, built entirely with wood, with a tall roof to ensure the air would circulate, making the place as fresh as possible. The only technology around was the fan on the ceiling and a battered radio on the counter. There was also plenty of food on the shelves, but currently there was no customers. That'd make things easier. In every account.
Nani was on the other side of the counter, looking bored. Until she saw them. “Lilo! You should be at home already!”
“Hi, Nani!” Oblivious most likely on purpose, Lilo took Jack's hand and dragged him all the way to where her sister was. “This is Captain Jack. And he's single,” the girl whispered, conspirational and clumsy.
Nani went all red and rubbed her face, obviously embarrassed. “Lilo!” she growled.
Jack put his best smile. “Don't worry. Kids. They're like that.” He shrugged casually and took one of Nani's hands away from her face. “Either way, hello.”
At that point, Nani actually looked at him and went redder. After a few seconds he giggled and cleared her throat. “Hi... Um, I'm sorry my sister was bothering you...”
“Oh, no, no. It was not a bother at all, really. But if you feel like giving me some sort of compensation-”
At that moment, there was the loud noise of what seemed hundreds of glass bottles breaking coming from nearby that made Nani jump.
Jack mourned the lost of the mood, but if they were going to discuss about Lilo and the big shark from outer space, there'd be plenty of time.
Nani sighed the sum of all resignations. “Excuse me, please,” she said as he walked away towards a curtain at the right end of the counter. “Could you please keep an eye on Lilo for a second, please?” It sounded more like a true plea than an excuse to keep him there, but Jack agreed nonetheless. He was no one to be picky and they had to talk to her anyway. “Thank you! I really appreciated it! Pleakley!” was the last thing she yelled before disappearing behind the curtain.
Next, Lilo took Jack's hand and made him sit on a chair. She sat in a smaller one right next to him, holding a notebook and a pencil. “So, what are your hobbies?”
Before he could answer, Rose came in. “I don't understand,” she said, showing Jack a newspaper. “According to this, we're in 2003, so there hasn't been any official contact yet. And, about the people, all of them can see the giant shark and they actually believe he's a Samoan!”
“He's been very consistent,” Lilo said. She was now scribbling something on the notebook.
“He's been here for a while, then?” Jack asked.
“Yup.”
“Attacking you,” Rose added.
Lilo shrugged but didn't stop drawing. “Uncle Jumba says Fish Head's just bitter because he was kicked out from the Galactic Alliance.”
“What does he want with you?”
“He wants my dog in a jar.”
“Okay. I'm even more confused now,” Jack said.
“Surely that's why the Doctor didn't want to interrogate a child,” Rose said.
The street door opened again and closed. Jack looked up to say the lovely clerk would be back in a moment, but there was no one there.
In times long gone, he wouldn't have thought of it twice, but things had change a lot since he became a TARDIS crew member, so he stood up and prepared himself for the unknown.
Rose's hand suddenly clasped his arm. She was looking up, so he did the same.
There was a big-eared, blue animal crawling upside-down on the ceiling.
“What is that?” Rose asked.
“That's Stitch. He's my dog,” Lilo said cheerfully, leaving aside pencil and paper. “I have a license and everything.”
“Your dog is walking on the ceiling,” Jack pointed out, hating himself for being forced to say the obvious.
“He's become a Spiderman fan lately,” Lilo said with the ease of either a six-years-old with a huge imagination, or someone who's spent too much time hiding aliens under a bed. “Come here, Stitch! Be a good dog!”
Stitch then moved all the way to a wall and he walked it down. It was creepy, like watching a four-legged, two-eyed, blue, fluffy spider. Once he was on the floor, he came to sniff both Jack and Rose while wagging his very short tail.
“He looks more like a koala,” Rose commented.
Lilo hugged Stitch. “He was a pure breed until he was hit by a truck. Do you want to pet him? He doesn't bite and has all his shots.”
Rose looked at Jack. He knew she was thinking the same thing: Lilo's 'dog' matched the description of the beast the shark was looking for. This made things clearer. Though not more than a little bit.
Following with the act, Stitch barked. It didn't sound like a natural bark whatsoever, but Lilo was beaming proudly.
The door opened again. This time it was another quite obvious alien. Fat, mostly purple, literally four-eyed, and dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and blue shorts.
“There you are!” the newcomer said pointing at Stitch with a finger.
“Let me guess; you're from New Zealand,” Rose said, barely holding a laugh.
The alien looked at her and smiled broadly. “Ukraine,” he said without missing a beat.
This time, even Jack snorted.
“Now, you-” the 'Ukranian' said to Stitch, “-come back with me. We need to finish with the living room before Nani finds out.”
“You blew it again, Uncle Jumba?” Lilo asked.
Uncle Jumba had the decency to look ashamed. “Well...”
“What? You blew the house again, Jumba?” Nani yelled, announcing she'd come back. “How many times have I told you I don't want you making your experiments at home?”
“It was just a wee little explosion. And the television set survived this once!”
Nani rubbed her face with her hand. “I can't believe it! You know what? Go and fix everything. And take Pleakley to help; he'd probably be more useful with you.”
Jumba nodded and ran towards the back room while Nani pressed her face on the counter.
“My life sucks,” she mumbled.
Jack and Rose exchanged looks again. “Maybe we should wait for the Doctor before telling her about the... you know,” she said.
Jack had to agree.
The door opened once more for yet another alien, though this time it was the Doctor. Who was wearing the same set of clothes at before.
Jack had to make a face.
“These are lighter,” the Doctor said, most probably noticing Jack's disappointment. He closed the door behind him but he remained near to it. “Now, have you two found anything?”
“There's a Ukrainian in the back room,” Rose informed, deadpan.
The Doctor nodded solemnly. “Anything else?”
On the meantime, Stitch had slipped from Lilo's arms and was sniffing the Doctor's shoes. Then, he climbed the wall again probably to get a better look.
“Oh, hello!” the Doctor said to him, grinning, when Stitch was at the level of his face.
“Hi,” Stitch replied.
“Great. Now he talks,” Jack said.
“If he can read Spiderman comics...” Rose said.
“Stitch is a very smart dog,” Lilo said.
Stitch sniffed the Doctor a little more before jumping down. He was now standing on his rear legs. “Not human,” he declared, finally.
The Doctor raised his eyebrows, seemingly impressed. “Not more than you're a dog. So, what are you?”
“I'm Stitch.”
“Yes, but where are you from? I don't think I've ever seen anyone like you before.”
“I'm unique,” he said. “I live here, with my family.”
“Are you an alien too?” Lilo asked, walking towards the Doctor. “You don't look like one.”
“You've been hanging around with the wrong aliens,” the Doctor said.
“Tell me about it!” Nani moaned, still in shock for the alleged destruction of her house. “If there are right aliens, I want to meet them now.”
The Doctor strolled happily across the room to shake Nani's hand. “Hello. Nice to meet you; I'm the Doctor.”
That brought Nani back to the reality and she managed to put together everything she'd heard. Her eyes widened. “You really are...”
“Yep!”
She looked at Rose and Jack. “And they...?”
Rose waved her hands. “No, no. The two of us are humans.”
“And they saved me from Gantu!” Lilo exclaimed, raising her arms. “He was chasing me all over the place because he wanted to use me as a bait again and they got there at the last minute and made him run away!” Besides going though all of it with one breath, she also mimicked the whole adventure with more action that it'd actually had.
“Really?” Nani jumped over the counter to hug her little sister. “Are you all right?” She looked up gratefully to the TARDIS crew, but the Doctor dismissed her with a nonchalantly “It was nothing” before she could say something.
“What I want to know if why there are so many aliens here,” he added.
“I can tell you that,” Jumba the Ukrainian said. He had just come back the room dragging a yellow, three-legged, one-eyed guy, wearing a mu'umu'u like Lilo's, and who surely was the Pleakley Jumba and Nani had been talking about. “If you're smart enough to see through our disguises, then you deserve to know the whole truth.”
Somehow, everyone in the room managed to remain serious.
The Doctor clapped his hands. “Yes, that's me. Smart. So, what happened?”
“Allow me to begin by introducing myself. I'm Professor Jumba Jookiba, evil genius at your service.”
“Jookiba?” The Doctor mused the name for a moment and then he said, “One second! Weren't you in prison for doing illegal genetic experiments?”
Jumba nodded cheerfully. “Yes, yes! You're truly well informed! Anyway, the most dangerous of my creations landed on this little planet, so they let me out so I could come to capture him because no one else would be able to. I'd designed him to be practically indestructible, to have the strength to lift 3000 times his own weight, to think as fast a supercomputer. And I'd programmed him to have the only purpose of creating chaos and destruction wherever he went!” He laughed maniacally for a few seconds, after of which he wiped a tear. “Ah, good times, good times...”
The Doctor frowned. “That's what I heard, except for the part that he'd come to Earth.”
“They kept it in secret to avoid panic on the population,” Pleakley said. “And that's why they sent me here to direct the operation. It was a hard, secret mission to be carried in a hostile environment, so they picked the best of the best.” He was rubbing smugly his nails on his mu'umu'u, betraying just how native he'd become.
“What happened with that creature of yours?” the Doctor asked, bringing the conversation back to the main topic.
Jumba pointed at Stitch, who at the time was cuddling Lilo and sucking one of his claws. “Somehow, I forgot to disable the free-will switch.”
“So you're genetically engineered,” the Doctor said to Stitch. “That's what you said you were unique. The only one of your kind.” Something changed in the Doctor's expression as he spoke that last phrase. He became more serious.
Jack looked at Rose, who in turn was looking at the Doctor while biting her lip, like if he'd become now her lost kitten.
“Yes, unique,” Stitch said. “But not alone, no.” He passed one of his arms around Lilo's neck. “This is my ohana. My family.”
The Doctor nodded slowly. He was starting to look like a lost kitty to Jack as well.
But the Doctor's mood didn't last long. He switched the focus of attention asking about the giant shark's part in the story.
“He was a captain in the Galactic Alliance,” Pleakley said. “He was sent later, but he couldn't handle the pressure. Sadly, not everyone can be the best of the best.”
“I've told you!” Jumba said. “All he needs is a group hug and a good foot massage to let the crankiness go. But we haven't found a massagist brave enough,” he added, his voice low.
“I understand. Really, I do,” the Doctor said. “So, basically, you lot are still here because you failed in your mission.”
“That's... a way to put it, yes. But try with 'exiled' and you'll have the picture,” Jumba said. “Stitch being a weapon of massive destruction, me a convicted criminal, Pleakley getting involved... The Great Councilwoman let us here under the custody of Nani and Lilo.”
“She sounds like a sensible woman,” Rose said.
“She is,” the Doctor said. “We can go and meet her later; you'll like her. She always tended to the solomonic approach.”
Now that the facts were more or less sorted out, Jack found himself feeling very happy about not having to fight against yet another alien invasion. Still there was something bothering him, and he knew that if that wasn't cleared out now, he'd most probably regret not asking. “Excuse me, professor Jookiba, but didn't you say that you're still doing your experiments?”
“Just Jumba. And yes, yes. But I don't do organics anymore. I'm stuck with cutlery. By the way, Nani, I owe you a new blender.”
Nani whimpered.
“I'm really glad all of this has a logical explanation,” the Doctor said, the worst part which being that he was indeed correct. “I would've hated to schedule the thwarting of an alien invasion during our holidays. Now we can spend the whole day on the beach with a clean conscience.”
Rose raised her hand. “Sounds good to me!”
“Me too!” Jack said while privately begging for those new and lighter clothes of the Doctor not being waterproof too.
“Since you're friends now, I'll show you the best beach ever!” Lilo said. “Practically no one goes there, except us, right, Stitch?”
Stitch nodded enthusiastically.
“Fantastic! I'm rather fond of not-crowded!” the Doctor said.
“Let's go, then!” Jumba said.
“Give me a second and I'll go get my hat!” Pleakley said.
“Stop it, you two! You're not going anywhere but to fix the house,” Nani warned with the voice of a Sergeant used to have her way even in the most problematic of camps.
“Fine,” Jumba grumbled. “Spoilsport.”
A few moments later, while lead by a prancing Lilo to the promised beach, Rose asked the Doctor if he planned to do something about Gantu.
“I'll try to talk sense into him,” the Doctor said. “And fix his gun. I'll let it stuck in net-throwing,” he added before neither Jack or Rose could complain. “You don't know of a good, brave, contemporary foot massagist, do you, Rose?”
“Not me, but maybe my mum does,” she answered.
“Ah, great, then!”
“Do Time Lords swim?” Jack asked, unable to contain himself any longer.
“Yes, we do. Why?”
“Because you don't look like you're ready...”
“Oh, that. Well, I wasn't sure about this year's degree of modesty; beaches aren't exactly my area of expertise.”
Jack smirked. “I can help you with that.”
“Of course you do!” the Doctor beamed as Rose giggled behind them.
Fandom: Crossover: Doctor Who/Lilo&Stitch WHAAAAAT?? 0=)
Characters: Nine, Rose, Captain Jack, Gantu, Lilo, Nani, Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley.
Pairings: With Jack here, you want me to list them?
Rating: PG
Length: +4500
Summary: When the TARDIS lands on Hawaii, the first thing the crew sees is Gantu in hunting mode.
Spoilers: None.
Author's notes: Taking some details from the Lilo&Stitch TV series, but not really acknowledging it nor the movie sequels.
“There was this place I used to go when I was a kid, with my family” Jack began, a dreamy look upon his face. “It was a beach. The most amazing beach you could ever dream of.” He sighed. “The sand so white and the sky and the ocean so blue and going for miles and miles and miles. All the way to the horizon. And the fun we had!” He shook his head, his mouth forming a nostalgic smile. “Oh, you should've seen us running around, yelling, enjoying life...” He sighed again. “I really miss those days...”
Jack noticed with the corner of his eyes how Rose was looking at him like if he was a little lost kitten and he knew he'd won half the battle. He didn't let it show, though. He wasn't going to ruin everything for something as silly as that, so he kept his eyes fixed at a spot on the wall.
And he kept on sighing deeply.
After a little while, she finally spoke. Among her words were the ones Jack wanted to hear: “Why don't we go to a beach? The three of us.”
Jack beamed and this once he was being totally sincere.
The idea had hit Jack as soon as he woke up one morning a couple of days ago. It was formed full, all the details were worked out; all he had to do was take it to practice. It'd been as if his subconscious had worked on it for quite a while now, which wouldn't have surprised the captain one bit. He was that great.
And this brainchild of his had been a success. The Doctor just couldn't say no to Rose and the TARDIS was now on her way to a hot, wet place where Jack could enjoy the sight of both the Doctor and Rose in swimsuits for a few days. Because she was going to convince him to go into the water, Jack was sure of it, and it'd be silly even for the Doctor to swim with a leather jacket. Hence, swimsuit.
Rose was already wearing a very lovely light dress with a flower pattern, and the captain himself was also aptly attired with a white, short-sleeve shirt and a pair of black shorts. The Doctor hadn't changed his clothes, but he'd been busy deciding exactly where they'd go, so he'd do it when they get there. Hopefully.
“Here we are!” the Doctor announced proudly when they landed. “On the other side of the door is the beautiful, tropical island of Kaua'i, Hawaii!”
“Great!” Rose exclaimed. She immediately went towards the door to see the outside.
Seeing that the Doctor was putting the TARDIS key on a pocket instead of going to change, Jack turned around. Apparently, he'd have to push things here too. “Doctor? Don't you think it's too hot out there to-”
“Doctor!” Rose called suddenly from the door. “Are you sure this is the Earth?”
The Doctor blinked, surprised. “Yeah,” he said after checking the TARDIS's monitor. “Yes, we're on Earth. Why?”
“Because there's a giant shark walking out there carrying a gun.”
Oh, great. They'd landed just in time to prevent another invasion to Earth. Did the Doctor do it on purpose? Either way, Jack was going to earn that swimsuit.
He began by running outside following the Doctor.
Both Rose and the Doctor had been right: the island was tropical and beautiful and there was a giant shark walking through the palm trees, a few meters from them, carrying a gun. Not any gun, mind you, but a plasma gun. Those things were dangerous.
The shark himself wasn't all that bad, though. His skin glittered in the sun and his eyes were of a nice shade of blue. A shame he was way over Jack's safety measures. And that they didn't know if he was friend or foe, of course.
The shark stopped all of the sudden. He scratched his head for a second and looked around.
That's when he saw them.
And then he bent down towards them.
Immediately, the Doctor gave a step forward and raised his arms slightly to put them in front of Jack and Rose. That made Jack feel both flattered and appreciated, but he still prepared himself to take action if needed. Which at the end didn't seem to be likely, since the shark put his gun away.
“Excuse me,” he said, very politely. “Have you seen a small, blue, fluffy beast around here?” He used two of his three fingers to indicate how small the beast he was looking for was.
“No, we haven't,” the Doctor said, calmly.
The shark sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. “Oh, well. That's yet another day lost.”
“You're not from around here, are you?” the Doctor asked.
“Uh... no.” The shark began to play with his fingers. “Not exactly. I'm from Samoa.”
“Samoa. The island Samoa. The island Samoa on Earth.”
“Yes. That one. Absolutely.”
“Aren't you a little too big for a Samoan?” Jack said.
“I- It's- I'm big boned and I have a lot of muscle. I swim my way here from there every morning and back every night. That's why. Now, if you excuse me, I have business to attend. Now that I think about it, maybe I haven't lost the day,” he muttered. He spun around and walked away. His steps thundered for a few moments.
“No way he's from Samoa,” Rose said, snorting.
“He's most likely from the Creplot System, either from the fourth or the eighth planet,” the Doctor said. “They can be dangerous when cross.”
Jack nodded. “Duly noted.”
“But what's he doing here?” Rose asked.
“And why would he think anyone would believe he's from Samoa?” Jack added.
The Doctor turned to them and grinned. “Let's find out!”
The big shark was easy to follow; he'd let a path of destroyed vegetation and his prints were quite obvious. This guy had failed all his courses on camouflage, and very painfully so. Jack poked at one of the prints with the point of his foot, thinking he would never trust someone so careless with a plasma gun. Too bad someone already had.
The trail led them to a small, lovely town where no one was panicking. There was no alien in sight, but the footprints were all along the main street.
“Maybe he made himself invisible,” Jack mused.
“Could be,” the Doctor said. “He didn't look like he wanted to create chaos or hurt people-”
The Doctor was interrupted by a scream. A child's scream.
Startled, the three of them ran towards the source of the noise.
They got to an alley, where a little girl in a red-and-white mu'umu'u who couldn't be older than six, had been cornered by the giant shark.
“Where is the trog?” he was asking the girl.
And he was pointing at her with his gun.
Jack frowned. That guy had crossed the line. Big time. The captain looked at the Doctor, awaiting instructions.
The Doctor had already taken out his sonic screwdriver and he didn't look happy, to say something.
Nice meeting you, sharkie.
The girl stuck her tongue out. She seemed more angry than scared. “I'm not telling you anything, you big bully.”
The kid was brave, Jack had to admire that.
“Don't make me count to three,” the shark warned, very slowly.
“You don't scare me,” the girl said, crossing her arms.
“One...”
Jack attempted to step forward, but the Doctor stopped him.
“Doctor?” Rose asked, but the Doctor only put a finger on his lips.
“Wait,” he whispered.
“Two...”
The girl stuck her tongue out again.
“Two and a half...”
The girl folded her arms and looked away, frowning.
“Two and three quarters...”
Silence.
“Three!”
The shark pressed the trigger and at the same time the Doctor activated his screwdriver.
The plasma gun did nothing but puff some smoke to the amazement of both the owner and the little girl.
“Damn this thing!” the shark said, shaking his weapon. “They don't build them as they used to anymore!”
The girl was smart enough to take the opportunity to run away. Though she take her time to kick the shark's foot on her way to where the time travelers were. From there, she began to make faces at the shark.
Jack turned to see Rose. She looked as confused as he felt; that made him feel a little better.
“Excuse me,” the Doctor began, hands on his back. “Cornering a little girl with a gun is some sort of tradition in Samoa?”
“He does it all the time,” the girl said, matter-of-factly.
The shark flailed. “That's because you just don't cooperate!”
“You should be ashamed of yourself,” The Doctor added, harshly. “Very, very ashamed.”
Jack remembered what the Doctor had said earlier about that species being provoked and, angry at himself for having left all his weapons at the TARDIS, he got ready to grab both Rose and the child and run for it to the ship. Then he'd come back to help the Doctor to deal with the shark.
But he didn't have to; nothing happened.
At the Doctor's words, the shark blinked a couple of times and then he lowered his massive head. And he sobbed. “You're right. I- I'm a failure.” Then he turned around and walked away, his massive chin pressed against his chest, over fences and through yards and streets as carelessly as before. Or more, since now he wasn't even looking what he was stepping on.
Yet, no one screamed.
The Doctor grinned again. “He! That was easy.” He put the screwdriver away and knelt down and looked at the girl in the eyes. “What's your name?” he asked after a second.
“I'm Lilo. Who are you?”
“I'm the Doctor. And these,” he said while standing up, “are Rose and Captain Jack. They are going to take you home.”
“Hello,” the girl said.
The recently appointed bodyguards gaped at the Doctor.
“Why are you so calmed?” Rose asked. “He was going to kill her!”
“Nah, he wasn't,” the Doctor said. “The gun was set on net-throwing, not plasma-throwing. And you knew that, didn't you?” he asked Lilo, who nodded. “I want to know what's happening here and I'm not going to interrogate a child. So, let's find ourselves an adult who knows what's going on. Oh, and by the way, she's human.”
As the Doctor spoke, Jack felt a tugging on his short. He bent down. “Yes?” he asked to Lilo.
“Are you really a captain?” she asked while looking attentively at his face. “Are you married?”
Jacked sighed inwardly. He hated it when this happened, but that was life and even he had his limits. “I don't, but... Listen, kid, I do think you're cute but-”
“Good.” Lilo took out a photograph from a pocket. There was a nice-looking young woman there right next to the child. “This is my sister Nani. She's single too,” Lilo whispered on Jack's ear.
Jack felt a wave of relief and smiled broadly. He wished there were children this helpful everywhere he went. Never mind 'Hello, I just saved your baby sister from a mean, shark-looking alien with a gun,' was always a great pick-up line.
Specially since this once it was true. Sort of.
About ten minutes later, Jack and Lilo walked into the grocery store Nani, Lilo's legal guardian, worked in. Rose had remained outside asking people if they could see the 'Samoan' as what he truly was, and the Doctor, to Jack's utter delight, had announced he'd change clothes because it was too hot there, so he'd join them later.
During their walk, Lilo had made herself useful recommending Jack several romantic places through the island, though her idea of 'romantic' was quite unusual. Or maybe it was the age. Or even the cultural shock; Jack'd have to ask the Doctor later.
The store was lovely in a very, very retro way, built entirely with wood, with a tall roof to ensure the air would circulate, making the place as fresh as possible. The only technology around was the fan on the ceiling and a battered radio on the counter. There was also plenty of food on the shelves, but currently there was no customers. That'd make things easier. In every account.
Nani was on the other side of the counter, looking bored. Until she saw them. “Lilo! You should be at home already!”
“Hi, Nani!” Oblivious most likely on purpose, Lilo took Jack's hand and dragged him all the way to where her sister was. “This is Captain Jack. And he's single,” the girl whispered, conspirational and clumsy.
Nani went all red and rubbed her face, obviously embarrassed. “Lilo!” she growled.
Jack put his best smile. “Don't worry. Kids. They're like that.” He shrugged casually and took one of Nani's hands away from her face. “Either way, hello.”
At that point, Nani actually looked at him and went redder. After a few seconds he giggled and cleared her throat. “Hi... Um, I'm sorry my sister was bothering you...”
“Oh, no, no. It was not a bother at all, really. But if you feel like giving me some sort of compensation-”
At that moment, there was the loud noise of what seemed hundreds of glass bottles breaking coming from nearby that made Nani jump.
Jack mourned the lost of the mood, but if they were going to discuss about Lilo and the big shark from outer space, there'd be plenty of time.
Nani sighed the sum of all resignations. “Excuse me, please,” she said as he walked away towards a curtain at the right end of the counter. “Could you please keep an eye on Lilo for a second, please?” It sounded more like a true plea than an excuse to keep him there, but Jack agreed nonetheless. He was no one to be picky and they had to talk to her anyway. “Thank you! I really appreciated it! Pleakley!” was the last thing she yelled before disappearing behind the curtain.
Next, Lilo took Jack's hand and made him sit on a chair. She sat in a smaller one right next to him, holding a notebook and a pencil. “So, what are your hobbies?”
Before he could answer, Rose came in. “I don't understand,” she said, showing Jack a newspaper. “According to this, we're in 2003, so there hasn't been any official contact yet. And, about the people, all of them can see the giant shark and they actually believe he's a Samoan!”
“He's been very consistent,” Lilo said. She was now scribbling something on the notebook.
“He's been here for a while, then?” Jack asked.
“Yup.”
“Attacking you,” Rose added.
Lilo shrugged but didn't stop drawing. “Uncle Jumba says Fish Head's just bitter because he was kicked out from the Galactic Alliance.”
“What does he want with you?”
“He wants my dog in a jar.”
“Okay. I'm even more confused now,” Jack said.
“Surely that's why the Doctor didn't want to interrogate a child,” Rose said.
The street door opened again and closed. Jack looked up to say the lovely clerk would be back in a moment, but there was no one there.
In times long gone, he wouldn't have thought of it twice, but things had change a lot since he became a TARDIS crew member, so he stood up and prepared himself for the unknown.
Rose's hand suddenly clasped his arm. She was looking up, so he did the same.
There was a big-eared, blue animal crawling upside-down on the ceiling.
“What is that?” Rose asked.
“That's Stitch. He's my dog,” Lilo said cheerfully, leaving aside pencil and paper. “I have a license and everything.”
“Your dog is walking on the ceiling,” Jack pointed out, hating himself for being forced to say the obvious.
“He's become a Spiderman fan lately,” Lilo said with the ease of either a six-years-old with a huge imagination, or someone who's spent too much time hiding aliens under a bed. “Come here, Stitch! Be a good dog!”
Stitch then moved all the way to a wall and he walked it down. It was creepy, like watching a four-legged, two-eyed, blue, fluffy spider. Once he was on the floor, he came to sniff both Jack and Rose while wagging his very short tail.
“He looks more like a koala,” Rose commented.
Lilo hugged Stitch. “He was a pure breed until he was hit by a truck. Do you want to pet him? He doesn't bite and has all his shots.”
Rose looked at Jack. He knew she was thinking the same thing: Lilo's 'dog' matched the description of the beast the shark was looking for. This made things clearer. Though not more than a little bit.
Following with the act, Stitch barked. It didn't sound like a natural bark whatsoever, but Lilo was beaming proudly.
The door opened again. This time it was another quite obvious alien. Fat, mostly purple, literally four-eyed, and dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and blue shorts.
“There you are!” the newcomer said pointing at Stitch with a finger.
“Let me guess; you're from New Zealand,” Rose said, barely holding a laugh.
The alien looked at her and smiled broadly. “Ukraine,” he said without missing a beat.
This time, even Jack snorted.
“Now, you-” the 'Ukranian' said to Stitch, “-come back with me. We need to finish with the living room before Nani finds out.”
“You blew it again, Uncle Jumba?” Lilo asked.
Uncle Jumba had the decency to look ashamed. “Well...”
“What? You blew the house again, Jumba?” Nani yelled, announcing she'd come back. “How many times have I told you I don't want you making your experiments at home?”
“It was just a wee little explosion. And the television set survived this once!”
Nani rubbed her face with her hand. “I can't believe it! You know what? Go and fix everything. And take Pleakley to help; he'd probably be more useful with you.”
Jumba nodded and ran towards the back room while Nani pressed her face on the counter.
“My life sucks,” she mumbled.
Jack and Rose exchanged looks again. “Maybe we should wait for the Doctor before telling her about the... you know,” she said.
Jack had to agree.
The door opened once more for yet another alien, though this time it was the Doctor. Who was wearing the same set of clothes at before.
Jack had to make a face.
“These are lighter,” the Doctor said, most probably noticing Jack's disappointment. He closed the door behind him but he remained near to it. “Now, have you two found anything?”
“There's a Ukrainian in the back room,” Rose informed, deadpan.
The Doctor nodded solemnly. “Anything else?”
On the meantime, Stitch had slipped from Lilo's arms and was sniffing the Doctor's shoes. Then, he climbed the wall again probably to get a better look.
“Oh, hello!” the Doctor said to him, grinning, when Stitch was at the level of his face.
“Hi,” Stitch replied.
“Great. Now he talks,” Jack said.
“If he can read Spiderman comics...” Rose said.
“Stitch is a very smart dog,” Lilo said.
Stitch sniffed the Doctor a little more before jumping down. He was now standing on his rear legs. “Not human,” he declared, finally.
The Doctor raised his eyebrows, seemingly impressed. “Not more than you're a dog. So, what are you?”
“I'm Stitch.”
“Yes, but where are you from? I don't think I've ever seen anyone like you before.”
“I'm unique,” he said. “I live here, with my family.”
“Are you an alien too?” Lilo asked, walking towards the Doctor. “You don't look like one.”
“You've been hanging around with the wrong aliens,” the Doctor said.
“Tell me about it!” Nani moaned, still in shock for the alleged destruction of her house. “If there are right aliens, I want to meet them now.”
The Doctor strolled happily across the room to shake Nani's hand. “Hello. Nice to meet you; I'm the Doctor.”
That brought Nani back to the reality and she managed to put together everything she'd heard. Her eyes widened. “You really are...”
“Yep!”
She looked at Rose and Jack. “And they...?”
Rose waved her hands. “No, no. The two of us are humans.”
“And they saved me from Gantu!” Lilo exclaimed, raising her arms. “He was chasing me all over the place because he wanted to use me as a bait again and they got there at the last minute and made him run away!” Besides going though all of it with one breath, she also mimicked the whole adventure with more action that it'd actually had.
“Really?” Nani jumped over the counter to hug her little sister. “Are you all right?” She looked up gratefully to the TARDIS crew, but the Doctor dismissed her with a nonchalantly “It was nothing” before she could say something.
“What I want to know if why there are so many aliens here,” he added.
“I can tell you that,” Jumba the Ukrainian said. He had just come back the room dragging a yellow, three-legged, one-eyed guy, wearing a mu'umu'u like Lilo's, and who surely was the Pleakley Jumba and Nani had been talking about. “If you're smart enough to see through our disguises, then you deserve to know the whole truth.”
Somehow, everyone in the room managed to remain serious.
The Doctor clapped his hands. “Yes, that's me. Smart. So, what happened?”
“Allow me to begin by introducing myself. I'm Professor Jumba Jookiba, evil genius at your service.”
“Jookiba?” The Doctor mused the name for a moment and then he said, “One second! Weren't you in prison for doing illegal genetic experiments?”
Jumba nodded cheerfully. “Yes, yes! You're truly well informed! Anyway, the most dangerous of my creations landed on this little planet, so they let me out so I could come to capture him because no one else would be able to. I'd designed him to be practically indestructible, to have the strength to lift 3000 times his own weight, to think as fast a supercomputer. And I'd programmed him to have the only purpose of creating chaos and destruction wherever he went!” He laughed maniacally for a few seconds, after of which he wiped a tear. “Ah, good times, good times...”
The Doctor frowned. “That's what I heard, except for the part that he'd come to Earth.”
“They kept it in secret to avoid panic on the population,” Pleakley said. “And that's why they sent me here to direct the operation. It was a hard, secret mission to be carried in a hostile environment, so they picked the best of the best.” He was rubbing smugly his nails on his mu'umu'u, betraying just how native he'd become.
“What happened with that creature of yours?” the Doctor asked, bringing the conversation back to the main topic.
Jumba pointed at Stitch, who at the time was cuddling Lilo and sucking one of his claws. “Somehow, I forgot to disable the free-will switch.”
“So you're genetically engineered,” the Doctor said to Stitch. “That's what you said you were unique. The only one of your kind.” Something changed in the Doctor's expression as he spoke that last phrase. He became more serious.
Jack looked at Rose, who in turn was looking at the Doctor while biting her lip, like if he'd become now her lost kitten.
“Yes, unique,” Stitch said. “But not alone, no.” He passed one of his arms around Lilo's neck. “This is my ohana. My family.”
The Doctor nodded slowly. He was starting to look like a lost kitty to Jack as well.
But the Doctor's mood didn't last long. He switched the focus of attention asking about the giant shark's part in the story.
“He was a captain in the Galactic Alliance,” Pleakley said. “He was sent later, but he couldn't handle the pressure. Sadly, not everyone can be the best of the best.”
“I've told you!” Jumba said. “All he needs is a group hug and a good foot massage to let the crankiness go. But we haven't found a massagist brave enough,” he added, his voice low.
“I understand. Really, I do,” the Doctor said. “So, basically, you lot are still here because you failed in your mission.”
“That's... a way to put it, yes. But try with 'exiled' and you'll have the picture,” Jumba said. “Stitch being a weapon of massive destruction, me a convicted criminal, Pleakley getting involved... The Great Councilwoman let us here under the custody of Nani and Lilo.”
“She sounds like a sensible woman,” Rose said.
“She is,” the Doctor said. “We can go and meet her later; you'll like her. She always tended to the solomonic approach.”
Now that the facts were more or less sorted out, Jack found himself feeling very happy about not having to fight against yet another alien invasion. Still there was something bothering him, and he knew that if that wasn't cleared out now, he'd most probably regret not asking. “Excuse me, professor Jookiba, but didn't you say that you're still doing your experiments?”
“Just Jumba. And yes, yes. But I don't do organics anymore. I'm stuck with cutlery. By the way, Nani, I owe you a new blender.”
Nani whimpered.
“I'm really glad all of this has a logical explanation,” the Doctor said, the worst part which being that he was indeed correct. “I would've hated to schedule the thwarting of an alien invasion during our holidays. Now we can spend the whole day on the beach with a clean conscience.”
Rose raised her hand. “Sounds good to me!”
“Me too!” Jack said while privately begging for those new and lighter clothes of the Doctor not being waterproof too.
“Since you're friends now, I'll show you the best beach ever!” Lilo said. “Practically no one goes there, except us, right, Stitch?”
Stitch nodded enthusiastically.
“Fantastic! I'm rather fond of not-crowded!” the Doctor said.
“Let's go, then!” Jumba said.
“Give me a second and I'll go get my hat!” Pleakley said.
“Stop it, you two! You're not going anywhere but to fix the house,” Nani warned with the voice of a Sergeant used to have her way even in the most problematic of camps.
“Fine,” Jumba grumbled. “Spoilsport.”
A few moments later, while lead by a prancing Lilo to the promised beach, Rose asked the Doctor if he planned to do something about Gantu.
“I'll try to talk sense into him,” the Doctor said. “And fix his gun. I'll let it stuck in net-throwing,” he added before neither Jack or Rose could complain. “You don't know of a good, brave, contemporary foot massagist, do you, Rose?”
“Not me, but maybe my mum does,” she answered.
“Ah, great, then!”
“Do Time Lords swim?” Jack asked, unable to contain himself any longer.
“Yes, we do. Why?”
“Because you don't look like you're ready...”
“Oh, that. Well, I wasn't sure about this year's degree of modesty; beaches aren't exactly my area of expertise.”
Jack smirked. “I can help you with that.”
“Of course you do!” the Doctor beamed as Rose giggled behind them.