Crazy Train

[frprtgirl]

I wish more people would read and write in LiveJournal. I've been reading back over old entries a lot lately and it's a fantastic public record of how much I've grown over the past seven years. It's better than my private journal because I write for other people and therefore record more interesting events

Comments

[elf_owl]

There's something about things that happen at certain times in our lives. We may change our thinking about them, but on some deeper level there may still be a bit of the thinking we had about it at the time, holding on. It's like muscle memory, sort of, but age-related-emotional memory... or something. I think we can change it, sometimes, if we really work at it, but it's hard. And when people die, I think that makes it worse. We have these things that we wonder about what if they hadn't died, or things left unresolved that we have to resolve in our own minds without that other person. I still have thoughts about my dad and how life would be if he were still alive, always romantic ideas that he'd have sought the help he needed, or angry ideas that he wouldn't have and the burden that would have put on my mom and me. They're not helpful thoughts and I don't have them often, but sometimes they're just there, all of a sudden, and won't go away until I think about them some.