JUMP CRACK Talk Show [Ep.3]
Title: JUMP CRACK Talk Show [Ep.3]
Author: Francie as always!
Genre: Crack/Comedy
Rating: Pg.
Words: ABOUT 2000. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT GREW SO LARGE.
Pairing: Various.
Summary: Episode 3. Another segment is introduced. You know the drill. xD
A/N: Thank you to everyone who volunteered to be in the show! I LOVE YOU GUYS! ♥ Cuz you make the crack possible! ;D Requests filled up quickly so I had to write the next episode quickly. As always, all female characters in the fic are actual LJ users who requested to be in it. I'm sorry if you weren't satisfied with your role but I'm going to post up some rules after the fic about guest requests. Maido ari! ♥
Disclaimer: 2000 words of this cracky nonsense is tiring. But fun. ^^
Episodes: 1 2
~`
JUMP: Welcome to JUMP CRACK Talk Show!
*Applause and cheering.*
Keito: *In English* Welcome to our lovely talk show and today I will be your main host.
Francie in the audience: HOST?
Keito: *In Japanese* MC. Not host.
Francie: Aww... =[
Keito: Anyway, we will introduce another segment to our talk show but first, let's have everyone say something interesting that's happened to them recently. Let's start with BEST!
Yabu: Hai, umm. I recently bought something to spice up the show.
Keito: And what would that be?
Yabu: I don't really want to say it.
Keito: C'mon it can't be that bad. =]
Yabu: Poles.
Everyone else: O_O
Yuto: You mean...
Yabu: Yes.
Keito: Let me remind you, Yabu, that WE'RE NOT STRIPPERS!
Yabu: OH YOU'RE THE ONE TO TALK! YOU WERE THE ONE BEING THE STRIPPER IN THAT ONE PHOTOSHOOT!
Keito: CUZ I'M SEXY! YOU'RE NOT!
Eemir in the audience: Damn right! xD
Yabu: WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE? I'LL KICK YOUR ASS ALL THE WAY BACK TO ENGLAND!
Keito: No I'm too lazy right now.
Yabu: =_=x
Keito: Right moving on!
Takaki: *With airquotes.* I was "playing" with my "dog" yesterday night and we had a lot of "fun" in the "park." *Eyes Yamada.*
Daiki: Too many airquotes. Can't understand. =_=
Takaki: You don't need to, just Yamada. *Blows kiss towards Yamada.*
Daiki: Ohh-keyyy... creepyyy. Anyway, I-
Yuto: Wait wait wait before you start, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING CINDERBLOCKS ON YOUR FEET?
Daiki: That's what I was going to say! I tied cinderblocks to my feet so I could grow taller.
Yuto: No you tie cinderblocks to your feet if you wanna run faster. (A/N: That's actually true.)
Daiki: LIES! A GIRAFFE LIKE YOU LIES!
Yuto: AT LEAST A GIRAFFE LIKE ME AND KICK YOUR LITTLE PENGUIN ASS BACK TO ANTARCTICA!
Daiki: YOU WANNA GET IT ON BITCH?
Keito: NO NOBODY DOES! *Interupts Yuto & Daiki's fight.*
Yuto and Daiki: *Pouts*
Inoo: Hai I wanna be next! ^o^ My dick grew 2 cm!
*The whole studio cheers.*
Hikaru: Yaaay! Shall I celebrate with you? *Hand crawls up Inoo's back.*
Keito: H-h-hikaru... chan? *Wimpers with shimmering puppy dog eyes.*
Hikaru: I-I-I mean... umm... I'll treat you to... umm... water...
Keito: ^_^
Inoo: =_=x Damn you, Engrish boy.
Hikaru: What should I say...
Francie: *COUGH-You'll-drill-Keito-tonight!-COUGH*
Hikaru: Wha? I'll drill Keito tonight?
Keito: *Skips over and glomps Hikaru.* I love you Hika-chan! ♥ ^w^
Yamada: Okay I'm assuming it's our turn. Anyway, I was turned into a "dog" last night.
Chinen and Ryutaro: Ohh I understand now.
Yuto: I wish you didn't.
Chinen: I had a weird dream last night where Ohno was tied to a bed... naked...
Ryutaro: YOU CHEATING ON ME BOY? >:O
Chinen: No no! I'd never do-
Ryutaro: YOU NEED SOME PUNISHMENT LITTLE BITCH?
Chinen: No! I don't-
Ryutaro: *Winks*
Chinen: ... Ohh... Yes I do need some punishment... =w=
Yuto: God bless for make-up sex.
Ryutaro: My Eevee reached level 100 in Pokemon!
Hikaru: EVOLVE THE DAMN THING ALREADY!
Ryutaro: No it wouldn't look like Chinen anymore!
Chinen: I LOOK LIKE AN EEVEE? AM I THAT FEMININE?
Ryutaro: God maybe I should just train my Girafarig.
Hikaru: Oh you mean the one that looks like Yuto?
Ryutaro: I should really stop naming my Pokemon after JUMP members.
Yuto: It seems like I'm always referred to as a giraffe.
Yamada: *In a corner.*
Yuto: Yama-chan? What are you doing.
Yamada: NOTHING.
Yuto: TURN AROUND ASSHOLE!
Yamada: *Whips head around with a face covered in red juice.
Yuto: Are you eating strawberries?
Yamada: NO! THEY'RE MINE! ALL MINE! GET YOUR OWN YOU WHORE!
Yuto: I'm not the-
Yamada: DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!
Takaki: *Walks over to Yamada's corner and rubs his back.* There there sweetheart, I know what will make you feel all better.
*Takaki and Yamada go backstage.*
Yuto: Please tell me they're not going to do it again.
Keito: You know that's impossible.
Yuto: *Siiigh.*
Keito: Hai! As for me, I know I'm going to be happy tonight. =w= Right Hikaru? *Looks over.*
Hikaru: *Hand is on Inoo's lap.*
Keito: H-hikaru baby? *Watery eyes and kicked puppy face.*
Hikaru: o_o
Keito: *Sniff Sniff* I... I thought you wuved me...
Hikaru: Umm... umm... GET THE FUCK OFF ME INOO! *Pushes Inoo away dramatically.*
Inoo: WHAT THE FUCK?
Keito: *Innocently* Thank you Hika-chan. ^_^
Inoo: *Mumbling* You go to hell, Keito.
*Yamada and Takaki stumble back to the stage with retarded smiles and messy hair.*
Keito: Hai! We shall start our JUMPing with Fans! section right now! We have all the names of the guests here in this here hat. *Pulls out a silk hat.* I will choose one name at random and that person will come up to the microphone and ask us anything they want. Chinen-kun, please pull out the first name.
Chinen: *Ruffles his hand in the hat and pulls out a piece of paper.* First is... Nanashi!
*Girl hops down from the audience and fixes mic.*
Yabu: Oh you came last time didn't you?
Nanashi: ^_^
Yabu: Now what's your question?
Nanashi: If you could be a thing, what would it be?
Yabu: Hmm, that's a good question. For me, I'd be a Nintendo DS so you girls can play with me all you want.
*Fangirls go KYAHHH!!!"
Hikaru: I'd be Keito's boxers. ;]
Keito: *Like a fangirl.* KYAAAHHH!!!
Takaki: Then I'd be Yamada's boxers.
Yamada: And I'll be your dildo.
Takaki: You can be my dildo anytime babe. ;]
*Fangirls go KYAHHH again.*
Inoo: I'd be a dictionary.
Daiki: We get it already! You're in uni and you're much smarter than us!
Inoo: No I wanna be a dictionary so I can come up with a hundred words to call you an utter moron.
Daiki: In that case, I wanna be a camera so I can show the world that you wear bras in your private time.
Inoo: OI HOW DID YOU- I mean, he lies. =_=
Chinen: I want to be a hamster!
Ryutaro: I want to be a hamster too!
Chinen: Yay hammy sex! *Hi5 Ryutaro*
*Fangirls go Aww kawaii!*
Hikaru: WTF. o_O YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO KYAHHH.
Yuto: I wish I was a TV so I could censor all this nonsense.
Yabu: Well then there would be no JUMP CRACK talk show right?
Yuto: Then I wish I was a whip!
Keito: And whip what?
Yuto: Your ass. ;]
Hikaru: HELL NO KEITO'S MINE! *Throws a turtle at Yuto's head.*
Yuto: WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?
Hikaru: I PULLED IT OUT OF YOUR ASS CUZ YOUR FULL OF TURTLE SHIT!
Keito: *Innocent like a little child.* I wish for world peace. ;)
Eemir: KYAAAHHH!!! KAWAIII!!! ♥
Hikaru & Yuto: Yes my love. *Settles down.*
Francie: KYAAAHHH!!! OT3!!!
Keito: Next person! Chii?
Chinen: *Pulls out a piece of paper.* Mori!
*A girl walks to mic.*
Ryutaro: *Stares at girl walking to the mic.* Is that me? *Rubs eyes.*
Girl: My name is... Mori... and... Morimoto Ryutaro... I'm your twin sister.
*DUN DUN DUUUNNNN!*
Everyone in the studio: O_O
Ryutaro: R-r-really?
Mori: ... NAW I'M JUST PLAYING WITH YOU BROTHUH.
Ryutaro: You're really my brother?
Chinen: Ryutaro you idiot! She's just kidding!
Ryutaro: Oh... xD... Next?
Chinen: *Pulls out a piece of paper.* Mika!
*Girl hops down from seat.*
Girl: Hai! Mika desu!
Yabu: And what's your question deary?
Mika: Anoo, what would you do as a group if a printer landed in front of you?
Yuto: ... Eh?
Mika: What would you do if a printer was flying through the air and it landed in front of you?
Hikaru: Eetoo... I-I don't know.
Mika: =] *Whistles toward the audience.*
*A printer comes flying through the entrance doors and lands on the stage in front of JUMP. Surprisingly it's not busted.*
Mika: How about now? ^_^ *Skips back to her seat.*
JUMP: *Stares at the printer in front of them.*
Inoo: What do we do now?
Daiki: Let's deep fry it.
Inoo: No really what do we do?
Daiki: No really let's deep fry it.
Inoo: Yeah? Then let's deep fry your head.
Daiki: While we're at it let's deep fry your dick.
Yabu: Guys, we have nothing better to do on this show, let's do what Daiki says.
Everyone else: WHAT?
*NakaKen wheels in a deep fryer.*
Yuto: OKAY HOW DID HE KNOW WE NEEDED A DEEP FRYER?
Yamada: Shut up Nakajima.
NakaKen: WAHHH!!! *Crying* MY ADMIRED SEMPAI TOLD ME TO SHUT UP!!! WAHHH!!!
Yamada: Not you.
NakaKen: Oh. =| *Skips away.*
Takaki: Ryutaro, you can cook a printer can't you? I mean you epically fail at udon but printers yes?
Ryutaro: ... *Through gritted teeth.* Yes I can cook a damn printer, Bakaki. =_=
Yabu: Perfect! Commence!
Ryutaro: *Dumps printer in the deep fryer.*
*Everyone in the studio sniffs up the air.*
Hikaru: You know, deep fried printer doesn't smell so bad.
Chinen: Of course. My darling Ryutaro is the best cook in the world. ^o^v ♥
Yamada: I thought you said Ohno was the best cook in the world.
Ryutaro: WHAT? *Glares at Chinen.*
Chinen: But you're both such good cooks! I-I-I
Ryutaro: YOU BETTER NOT BE CHEATING!
Chinen: No! I-
Yuto: THE DAMN PRINTER SMELLS LIKE PENGUIN SHIT!
*Audeince starts covering their mouth and coughing.*
Daiki: I DID NOT FUCKING SHIT IN THE DEEP FRYER!
Yabu: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD'S ARSE STOP TALKING ABOUT SHIT!
Yuto: I'M NOT KIDDING IT SMELLS LIKE ASS IN HERE!
Ryutaro: Whuh? *Peeks into deep fryer.* HOLY MOTHER OF KEITO THAT STINKS!
Keito: YOU TALKIN' BOUT MY MOMMA? NOBODY DISSES MY MOMMA!
Ryutaro: I AIN'T TALKIN' ABOUT YO MOMMA YOU ASS!
Takaki: JUST FREAKING TAKE THE DEEP FRYER AWAY! PLEASE!
*NakaKen rushes in and wheels the deef fryer away.*
Takaki: *Pulls out 30 cans of room spray and sprays it all.*
*Whole studio is panting.*
Ryutaro: I *pant* am never *pant* cooking *pant* anything *pant* ever *pant* again. *pant pant*
Chinen: Thank *pant* you.
JUMP: *Clears their throat and takes a quick drink of water.*
Keito: Hai , let's move on. Chii?
Chii: Our next guest is... *Pulls out piece of paper.* Erika!
*A girl hops down from audeince in front of mic.*
Erika: Doumo minna! ♥ I'd like to ask, what animal would you like to be?
Ryutaro: *Cutely* I wanna be a hamster! ^w^
Chinen: Then I wanna be a hamster too! We will live in a little cage together and keep each other company! ^w^
*Fangirls go AWW KAWAII!!! ♥"
Yuto: I wanna be a tentacles monster, so I can penetrate Keito anytime I want. ;)
Eemir: KYAAAHHH!!! OKAJIMA HAWTNESS!!!
Hikaru: Then I'll be a tentacles monster too. I'll make Keito scream my name every night. ;D
Francie: KYAAAHHH!!! HIKATO SMEXING!!!
Keito: Then I shall be a human getting effed by two hot youngsters. *Licks lips.*
Eemir & Francie: EEEEEEEE!!! *Faints*
Yamada: I want to be a little piggy, because their orgasms last for 30 minutes.
Takaki: Then I want to be the pig doing it doggy style to you.
Yabu: PLEASE. STOP. WITH. THE SMEX!
Inoo: You know you love it.
Yabu: As much as I'd like to say yes, I want our show to be rated PG for once. T_T
Daiki: Impossible. With HS7's horomones bursting out every 2 seconds, all the fangirls' ovaries have already exploded.
Inoo: YABU SAID KEEP IT PG YOU GAYASS!
Daiki: WHO'S THE GAYASS WITH THE GIRLY EYES HUH?
Inoo: WHO'S THE RETARDED GAYASS WITH CINDERBLOCKS ON HIS FEET HUH?
Daiki: ... >=[
Inoo: Hehe, I won. =w=
Daiki: I want to be Godzilla and squish Inoo into a little pancake and eat him for brunch.
Inoo: I'll be the pimp drilling Yabu in New York, where Godzilla CAN'T get me. >=]
Yabu: *Siiigh.* No use, I'll be the hoe then. /_\
Keito: *Sarcastically* Wow that was very exciting! =] Chii?
Chinen: Ja jaan! *Reads piece of paper.* Brittany?
*Girl bounces down from the first row.*
Brittany: Hai! My question is, would you rather get a blowjob from a Charmander or a handjob from a Geodude?
Ryutaro: OWW MY DICK IS ALREADY STARTING TO HURT!!
Yabu: Shut up it's too small to feel anything.
Ryutaro: WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF HUH PEBBLE-PENIS?
Yabu: WANNA SAY IT AGAIN ATOM-ARSE?
Yamada: God it sounds so painful my penis is already burning!
Yuto: Are you sure you're not just horny again?
Yamada: It really is hurting! >=O
Takaki: Would you like me to relieve it for you. ;]
Yamada: ... Yes please. ;D
*Takaki and Yamada skip away backstage.*
*Whole studio goes quiet.*
Yabu: And once again, we end with Takaki and Yamada getting it on backstage. But at least 80% of us is here right?
Yuto: *Grabs Keito's wrist and pulls him backstage.*
Hikaru: OH NO YOU DON'T! *Follows*
Chinen: Ne ne, Ryuu-chan, I'm hungwy.
Ryutaro: What are you hungry for.
Chinen: You know. *Winks*
Ryutaro: *Sighh.* Fine, but my dick's still hurting from last time.
*Chinen and Ryutaro scritter backstage.*
Inoo: I still think you look like a queef with cinderblocks on your feet. >=[
Daiki: For the last time, it's for growth. >=[
Inoo: I don't know why you need them anyway... You're fine as is... >=\
Daiki: ... R-really? =O
Inoo: Yeah. =]
Daiki: Aww you're the best Inoo. ^^ *Pecks Inoo on the cheek.*
Inoo: I'm the best at something else too.
Daiki: Uhh...
Inoo: *Pulls Daiki backstage.*
*Studio goes quiet.*
Yabu: I'm the only one left... *Siiigh.* Might as well jack off. *Unzips pants.*
*Fangirls go KYAAAHHH!!!"
~`
WHY DID IT END UP SO LONG? T_T I need to lay down some ground rules about the guest request thing.
To the 3 girls who guest requested but didn't show up, I'm sorry! The fic got too long and I had to cut it before it got any longer!
I promise you'll be in the next episode! SCOUT'S HONOR! ♥
RULES FOR JUMP CRACK TALK SHOW GUEST REQUEST:
1. Comment with the subject "Guest Request" so I know you want to be in the next episode.
2. Please state the name you want used in the fic and SPECIFICALLY what you want to do. If you're okay with anything, please say so.
3. My max number of guests for each episode will be 5 guests because of all the random crap that pops in my head.
4. Even if 5 ppl have already reserved a spot in the fic, you can still request and I'll put you in the fic after that.
5. You may or may not appear in the next fic due to talk show segments, but I guarantee that you WILL be in an episode.
6. If you've already appeared in the episode, you can still appear in the next one. But 3 times in a row is the max. Then you'll have to wait an episode.
That's the rules for now! I'll see if I need to add anything else after the next episode.
PS: There were a few of you who added me so to those ppl, thanks! I didn't know these episodes would have such an effect. x3 ILY GUYS! ♥
Author: Francie as always!
Genre: Crack/Comedy
Rating: Pg.
Words: ABOUT 2000. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT GREW SO LARGE.
Pairing: Various.
Summary: Episode 3. Another segment is introduced. You know the drill. xD
A/N: Thank you to everyone who volunteered to be in the show! I LOVE YOU GUYS! ♥ Cuz you make the crack possible! ;D Requests filled up quickly so I had to write the next episode quickly. As always, all female characters in the fic are actual LJ users who requested to be in it. I'm sorry if you weren't satisfied with your role but I'm going to post up some rules after the fic about guest requests. Maido ari! ♥
Disclaimer: 2000 words of this cracky nonsense is tiring. But fun. ^^
Episodes: 1 2
~`
JUMP: Welcome to JUMP CRACK Talk Show!
*Applause and cheering.*
Keito: *In English* Welcome to our lovely talk show and today I will be your main host.
Francie in the audience: HOST?
Keito: *In Japanese* MC. Not host.
Francie: Aww... =[
Keito: Anyway, we will introduce another segment to our talk show but first, let's have everyone say something interesting that's happened to them recently. Let's start with BEST!
Yabu: Hai, umm. I recently bought something to spice up the show.
Keito: And what would that be?
Yabu: I don't really want to say it.
Keito: C'mon it can't be that bad. =]
Yabu: Poles.
Everyone else: O_O
Yuto: You mean...
Yabu: Yes.
Keito: Let me remind you, Yabu, that WE'RE NOT STRIPPERS!
Yabu: OH YOU'RE THE ONE TO TALK! YOU WERE THE ONE BEING THE STRIPPER IN THAT ONE PHOTOSHOOT!
Keito: CUZ I'M SEXY! YOU'RE NOT!
Eemir in the audience: Damn right! xD
Yabu: WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE? I'LL KICK YOUR ASS ALL THE WAY BACK TO ENGLAND!
Keito: No I'm too lazy right now.
Yabu: =_=x
Keito: Right moving on!
Takaki: *With airquotes.* I was "playing" with my "dog" yesterday night and we had a lot of "fun" in the "park." *Eyes Yamada.*
Daiki: Too many airquotes. Can't understand. =_=
Takaki: You don't need to, just Yamada. *Blows kiss towards Yamada.*
Daiki: Ohh-keyyy... creepyyy. Anyway, I-
Yuto: Wait wait wait before you start, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING CINDERBLOCKS ON YOUR FEET?
Daiki: That's what I was going to say! I tied cinderblocks to my feet so I could grow taller.
Yuto: No you tie cinderblocks to your feet if you wanna run faster. (A/N: That's actually true.)
Daiki: LIES! A GIRAFFE LIKE YOU LIES!
Yuto: AT LEAST A GIRAFFE LIKE ME AND KICK YOUR LITTLE PENGUIN ASS BACK TO ANTARCTICA!
Daiki: YOU WANNA GET IT ON BITCH?
Keito: NO NOBODY DOES! *Interupts Yuto & Daiki's fight.*
Yuto and Daiki: *Pouts*
Inoo: Hai I wanna be next! ^o^ My dick grew 2 cm!
*The whole studio cheers.*
Hikaru: Yaaay! Shall I celebrate with you? *Hand crawls up Inoo's back.*
Keito: H-h-hikaru... chan? *Wimpers with shimmering puppy dog eyes.*
Hikaru: I-I-I mean... umm... I'll treat you to... umm... water...
Keito: ^_^
Inoo: =_=x Damn you, Engrish boy.
Hikaru: What should I say...
Francie: *COUGH-You'll-drill-Keito-tonight!-COUGH*
Hikaru: Wha? I'll drill Keito tonight?
Keito: *Skips over and glomps Hikaru.* I love you Hika-chan! ♥ ^w^
Yamada: Okay I'm assuming it's our turn. Anyway, I was turned into a "dog" last night.
Chinen and Ryutaro: Ohh I understand now.
Yuto: I wish you didn't.
Chinen: I had a weird dream last night where Ohno was tied to a bed... naked...
Ryutaro: YOU CHEATING ON ME BOY? >:O
Chinen: No no! I'd never do-
Ryutaro: YOU NEED SOME PUNISHMENT LITTLE BITCH?
Chinen: No! I don't-
Ryutaro: *Winks*
Chinen: ... Ohh... Yes I do need some punishment... =w=
Yuto: God bless for make-up sex.
Ryutaro: My Eevee reached level 100 in Pokemon!
Hikaru: EVOLVE THE DAMN THING ALREADY!
Ryutaro: No it wouldn't look like Chinen anymore!
Chinen: I LOOK LIKE AN EEVEE? AM I THAT FEMININE?
Ryutaro: God maybe I should just train my Girafarig.
Hikaru: Oh you mean the one that looks like Yuto?
Ryutaro: I should really stop naming my Pokemon after JUMP members.
Yuto: It seems like I'm always referred to as a giraffe.
Yamada: *In a corner.*
Yuto: Yama-chan? What are you doing.
Yamada: NOTHING.
Yuto: TURN AROUND ASSHOLE!
Yamada: *Whips head around with a face covered in red juice.
Yuto: Are you eating strawberries?
Yamada: NO! THEY'RE MINE! ALL MINE! GET YOUR OWN YOU WHORE!
Yuto: I'm not the-
Yamada: DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!
Takaki: *Walks over to Yamada's corner and rubs his back.* There there sweetheart, I know what will make you feel all better.
*Takaki and Yamada go backstage.*
Yuto: Please tell me they're not going to do it again.
Keito: You know that's impossible.
Yuto: *Siiigh.*
Keito: Hai! As for me, I know I'm going to be happy tonight. =w= Right Hikaru? *Looks over.*
Hikaru: *Hand is on Inoo's lap.*
Keito: H-hikaru baby? *Watery eyes and kicked puppy face.*
Hikaru: o_o
Keito: *Sniff Sniff* I... I thought you wuved me...
Hikaru: Umm... umm... GET THE FUCK OFF ME INOO! *Pushes Inoo away dramatically.*
Inoo: WHAT THE FUCK?
Keito: *Innocently* Thank you Hika-chan. ^_^
Inoo: *Mumbling* You go to hell, Keito.
*Yamada and Takaki stumble back to the stage with retarded smiles and messy hair.*
Keito: Hai! We shall start our JUMPing with Fans! section right now! We have all the names of the guests here in this here hat. *Pulls out a silk hat.* I will choose one name at random and that person will come up to the microphone and ask us anything they want. Chinen-kun, please pull out the first name.
Chinen: *Ruffles his hand in the hat and pulls out a piece of paper.* First is... Nanashi!
*Girl hops down from the audience and fixes mic.*
Yabu: Oh you came last time didn't you?
Nanashi: ^_^
Yabu: Now what's your question?
Nanashi: If you could be a thing, what would it be?
Yabu: Hmm, that's a good question. For me, I'd be a Nintendo DS so you girls can play with me all you want.
*Fangirls go KYAHHH!!!"
Hikaru: I'd be Keito's boxers. ;]
Keito: *Like a fangirl.* KYAAAHHH!!!
Takaki: Then I'd be Yamada's boxers.
Yamada: And I'll be your dildo.
Takaki: You can be my dildo anytime babe. ;]
*Fangirls go KYAHHH again.*
Inoo: I'd be a dictionary.
Daiki: We get it already! You're in uni and you're much smarter than us!
Inoo: No I wanna be a dictionary so I can come up with a hundred words to call you an utter moron.
Daiki: In that case, I wanna be a camera so I can show the world that you wear bras in your private time.
Inoo: OI HOW DID YOU- I mean, he lies. =_=
Chinen: I want to be a hamster!
Ryutaro: I want to be a hamster too!
Chinen: Yay hammy sex! *Hi5 Ryutaro*
*Fangirls go Aww kawaii!*
Hikaru: WTF. o_O YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO KYAHHH.
Yuto: I wish I was a TV so I could censor all this nonsense.
Yabu: Well then there would be no JUMP CRACK talk show right?
Yuto: Then I wish I was a whip!
Keito: And whip what?
Yuto: Your ass. ;]
Hikaru: HELL NO KEITO'S MINE! *Throws a turtle at Yuto's head.*
Yuto: WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?
Hikaru: I PULLED IT OUT OF YOUR ASS CUZ YOUR FULL OF TURTLE SHIT!
Keito: *Innocent like a little child.* I wish for world peace. ;)
Eemir: KYAAAHHH!!! KAWAIII!!! ♥
Hikaru & Yuto: Yes my love. *Settles down.*
Francie: KYAAAHHH!!! OT3!!!
Keito: Next person! Chii?
Chinen: *Pulls out a piece of paper.* Mori!
*A girl walks to mic.*
Ryutaro: *Stares at girl walking to the mic.* Is that me? *Rubs eyes.*
Girl: My name is... Mori... and... Morimoto Ryutaro... I'm your twin sister.
*DUN DUN DUUUNNNN!*
Everyone in the studio: O_O
Ryutaro: R-r-really?
Mori: ... NAW I'M JUST PLAYING WITH YOU BROTHUH.
Ryutaro: You're really my brother?
Chinen: Ryutaro you idiot! She's just kidding!
Ryutaro: Oh... xD... Next?
Chinen: *Pulls out a piece of paper.* Mika!
*Girl hops down from seat.*
Girl: Hai! Mika desu!
Yabu: And what's your question deary?
Mika: Anoo, what would you do as a group if a printer landed in front of you?
Yuto: ... Eh?
Mika: What would you do if a printer was flying through the air and it landed in front of you?
Hikaru: Eetoo... I-I don't know.
Mika: =] *Whistles toward the audience.*
*A printer comes flying through the entrance doors and lands on the stage in front of JUMP. Surprisingly it's not busted.*
Mika: How about now? ^_^ *Skips back to her seat.*
JUMP: *Stares at the printer in front of them.*
Inoo: What do we do now?
Daiki: Let's deep fry it.
Inoo: No really what do we do?
Daiki: No really let's deep fry it.
Inoo: Yeah? Then let's deep fry your head.
Daiki: While we're at it let's deep fry your dick.
Yabu: Guys, we have nothing better to do on this show, let's do what Daiki says.
Everyone else: WHAT?
*NakaKen wheels in a deep fryer.*
Yuto: OKAY HOW DID HE KNOW WE NEEDED A DEEP FRYER?
Yamada: Shut up Nakajima.
NakaKen: WAHHH!!! *Crying* MY ADMIRED SEMPAI TOLD ME TO SHUT UP!!! WAHHH!!!
Yamada: Not you.
NakaKen: Oh. =| *Skips away.*
Takaki: Ryutaro, you can cook a printer can't you? I mean you epically fail at udon but printers yes?
Ryutaro: ... *Through gritted teeth.* Yes I can cook a damn printer, Bakaki. =_=
Yabu: Perfect! Commence!
Ryutaro: *Dumps printer in the deep fryer.*
*Everyone in the studio sniffs up the air.*
Hikaru: You know, deep fried printer doesn't smell so bad.
Chinen: Of course. My darling Ryutaro is the best cook in the world. ^o^v ♥
Yamada: I thought you said Ohno was the best cook in the world.
Ryutaro: WHAT? *Glares at Chinen.*
Chinen: But you're both such good cooks! I-I-I
Ryutaro: YOU BETTER NOT BE CHEATING!
Chinen: No! I-
Yuto: THE DAMN PRINTER SMELLS LIKE PENGUIN SHIT!
*Audeince starts covering their mouth and coughing.*
Daiki: I DID NOT FUCKING SHIT IN THE DEEP FRYER!
Yabu: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD'S ARSE STOP TALKING ABOUT SHIT!
Yuto: I'M NOT KIDDING IT SMELLS LIKE ASS IN HERE!
Ryutaro: Whuh? *Peeks into deep fryer.* HOLY MOTHER OF KEITO THAT STINKS!
Keito: YOU TALKIN' BOUT MY MOMMA? NOBODY DISSES MY MOMMA!
Ryutaro: I AIN'T TALKIN' ABOUT YO MOMMA YOU ASS!
Takaki: JUST FREAKING TAKE THE DEEP FRYER AWAY! PLEASE!
*NakaKen rushes in and wheels the deef fryer away.*
Takaki: *Pulls out 30 cans of room spray and sprays it all.*
*Whole studio is panting.*
Ryutaro: I *pant* am never *pant* cooking *pant* anything *pant* ever *pant* again. *pant pant*
Chinen: Thank *pant* you.
JUMP: *Clears their throat and takes a quick drink of water.*
Keito: Hai , let's move on. Chii?
Chii: Our next guest is... *Pulls out piece of paper.* Erika!
*A girl hops down from audeince in front of mic.*
Erika: Doumo minna! ♥ I'd like to ask, what animal would you like to be?
Ryutaro: *Cutely* I wanna be a hamster! ^w^
Chinen: Then I wanna be a hamster too! We will live in a little cage together and keep each other company! ^w^
*Fangirls go AWW KAWAII!!! ♥"
Yuto: I wanna be a tentacles monster, so I can penetrate Keito anytime I want. ;)
Eemir: KYAAAHHH!!! OKAJIMA HAWTNESS!!!
Hikaru: Then I'll be a tentacles monster too. I'll make Keito scream my name every night. ;D
Francie: KYAAAHHH!!! HIKATO SMEXING!!!
Keito: Then I shall be a human getting effed by two hot youngsters. *Licks lips.*
Eemir & Francie: EEEEEEEE!!! *Faints*
Yamada: I want to be a little piggy, because their orgasms last for 30 minutes.
Takaki: Then I want to be the pig doing it doggy style to you.
Yabu: PLEASE. STOP. WITH. THE SMEX!
Inoo: You know you love it.
Yabu: As much as I'd like to say yes, I want our show to be rated PG for once. T_T
Daiki: Impossible. With HS7's horomones bursting out every 2 seconds, all the fangirls' ovaries have already exploded.
Inoo: YABU SAID KEEP IT PG YOU GAYASS!
Daiki: WHO'S THE GAYASS WITH THE GIRLY EYES HUH?
Inoo: WHO'S THE RETARDED GAYASS WITH CINDERBLOCKS ON HIS FEET HUH?
Daiki: ... >=[
Inoo: Hehe, I won. =w=
Daiki: I want to be Godzilla and squish Inoo into a little pancake and eat him for brunch.
Inoo: I'll be the pimp drilling Yabu in New York, where Godzilla CAN'T get me. >=]
Yabu: *Siiigh.* No use, I'll be the hoe then. /_\
Keito: *Sarcastically* Wow that was very exciting! =] Chii?
Chinen: Ja jaan! *Reads piece of paper.* Brittany?
*Girl bounces down from the first row.*
Brittany: Hai! My question is, would you rather get a blowjob from a Charmander or a handjob from a Geodude?
Ryutaro: OWW MY DICK IS ALREADY STARTING TO HURT!!
Yabu: Shut up it's too small to feel anything.
Ryutaro: WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF HUH PEBBLE-PENIS?
Yabu: WANNA SAY IT AGAIN ATOM-ARSE?
Yamada: God it sounds so painful my penis is already burning!
Yuto: Are you sure you're not just horny again?
Yamada: It really is hurting! >=O
Takaki: Would you like me to relieve it for you. ;]
Yamada: ... Yes please. ;D
*Takaki and Yamada skip away backstage.*
*Whole studio goes quiet.*
Yabu: And once again, we end with Takaki and Yamada getting it on backstage. But at least 80% of us is here right?
Yuto: *Grabs Keito's wrist and pulls him backstage.*
Hikaru: OH NO YOU DON'T! *Follows*
Chinen: Ne ne, Ryuu-chan, I'm hungwy.
Ryutaro: What are you hungry for.
Chinen: You know. *Winks*
Ryutaro: *Sighh.* Fine, but my dick's still hurting from last time.
*Chinen and Ryutaro scritter backstage.*
Inoo: I still think you look like a queef with cinderblocks on your feet. >=[
Daiki: For the last time, it's for growth. >=[
Inoo: I don't know why you need them anyway... You're fine as is... >=\
Daiki: ... R-really? =O
Inoo: Yeah. =]
Daiki: Aww you're the best Inoo. ^^ *Pecks Inoo on the cheek.*
Inoo: I'm the best at something else too.
Daiki: Uhh...
Inoo: *Pulls Daiki backstage.*
*Studio goes quiet.*
Yabu: I'm the only one left... *Siiigh.* Might as well jack off. *Unzips pants.*
*Fangirls go KYAAAHHH!!!"
~`
WHY DID IT END UP SO LONG? T_T I need to lay down some ground rules about the guest request thing.
To the 3 girls who guest requested but didn't show up, I'm sorry! The fic got too long and I had to cut it before it got any longer!
I promise you'll be in the next episode! SCOUT'S HONOR! ♥
RULES FOR JUMP CRACK TALK SHOW GUEST REQUEST:
1. Comment with the subject "Guest Request" so I know you want to be in the next episode.
2. Please state the name you want used in the fic and SPECIFICALLY what you want to do. If you're okay with anything, please say so.
3. My max number of guests for each episode will be 5 guests because of all the random crap that pops in my head.
4. Even if 5 ppl have already reserved a spot in the fic, you can still request and I'll put you in the fic after that.
5. You may or may not appear in the next fic due to talk show segments, but I guarantee that you WILL be in an episode.
6. If you've already appeared in the episode, you can still appear in the next one. But 3 times in a row is the max. Then you'll have to wait an episode.
That's the rules for now! I'll see if I need to add anything else after the next episode.
PS: There were a few of you who added me so to those ppl, thanks! I didn't know these episodes would have such an effect. x3 ILY GUYS! ♥