Fic update: 'This Is Going To Be Fun' - Buffy/Life On Mars/Torchwood/Doctor Who (6/15ish)
Title: This Is Going To Be Fun
Author: Flurblewig
Fandom: Buffyverse/Life On Mars/Torchwood/Doctor Who
Genre: Comedy drama, with a side order of crackfic :-)
Rating: PG13
Length: This part 2,850 words
Pairing: Gen ensemble: Rhys, Jack, Ten, Sam Tyler, Ethan Rayne, Buffy, Giles
Summary: Sam Tyler meets another time-traveller and finds out that the world is even weirder than he thought, while Rhys Williams meets Jack & The Doctor and finds out that being a Buffy fan is going to come in handy in ways he never dreamed possible...
A/N: Thanks & hugs to my desoto_hia873!
Previous parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
The TARDIS door opens into a graveyard. Rhys pokes his head out, then takes a tentative step outside. 'Looks like Sunnydale all right. Do you know what year it--'
The words are choked off as he gets bowled over by a running figure that slams full-tilt into him. They both go crashing to the ground. Rhys rolls over and lies still for a moment, winded, then realises that lack of air isn't the only reason he's having trouble moving: something heavy is pinning him down. He opens his eyes and looks straight into a mouthful of snarling fangs.
He blinks, then does what any normal man would do under the circumstances. He recovers his breath and screams his head off.
It buys him a second or two, as the vampire actually flinches a little from the sound. Before it can move back in towards his neck it's hauled off, dumped on the damp grass and unceremoniously staked. A shower of ash explodes in the air, but without the whooshing sound that Rhys has come to associate with it. He can't help but feel a little disappointed.
A hand reaches down towards him and a voice says, 'Hey, you all right?'
A female voice.
A familiar female voice.
He reaches up and grabs the hand, and lets it pull him to his feet. His eyes track slowly from the hand to the arm it's attached to, encased in the sleeve of a camel-coloured coat, and up to the shoulder, the neck and finally the face. Her hair is long, curling past her shoulders, and she looks thin and more than a little worn around the edges. Whatever point they've arrived at, it's definitely after the high school years.
In her other hand is a bucket of something that smells like KFC. His stomach rolls, but he's not quite sure whether that's from adrenalin, hunger or just the sheer fact that it's her standing right in front of him. He realises he should know better, but he's still shocked by just how small she really is.
She runs a quick, practiced glance over him. 'You're fine, ' she says. 'Go home, now. And try to remember that the short cut through the cemetary is never a good idea, okay?' She sounds tired, almost to the point of disinterest, and turns away without without waiting for a response. She resumes walking--or more accurately, trudging. Her head is down, her shoulders hunched. She seems to have forgotten him already.
'Buh,' he says.
She turns her head, but doesn't stop. He tries again. 'Buh. Buh?'
Jack and the Doctor come running. 'What's going on?' Jack says. 'Is anyone hurt?'
'Buh,' Rhys says.
Buffy finally comes to a halt. Her gaze flicks to them and back again, and she nods at Rhys. 'I think maybe your friend hit his head.'
The Doctor grabs Rhys's shoulders and turns him around, peering into his eyes. 'No, no, he's fine. He's just from Cardiff.'
Buffy looks from one to the other. A touch of confusion brings a little animation to her expression, but not much. Jack steps forward, his hand held out. 'Hi. I'm Captain Jack Harkness. This is the Doctor, and that's Rhys.'
She stares at his hand for a second, then shrugs and gives it a swift shake. 'Buffy Summers.'
'Buh,' Rhys says.
The Doctor pats his arm. 'Yes, yes, well done. Good work.'
Buffy starts to edge away again. 'Well, you guys have a nice night, now. Just try having it somewhere else, okay? 'Cause of all the, you know--' she flaps her hand. 'Gangs on PCP.'
'Oh, you mean the vampires,' the Doctor says.
She stops and runs a hand over the back of her neck, looking down. For a minute it looks like she's just going to walk on anyway, but finally she turns and frowns at him. 'Who are you, again?'
Her voice is still flat and tired, and she doesn't really sound that interested. Going through the motions, Rhys thinks, and realises where they are. Season six, it has to be.
'I'm the Doctor, that's Jack and--'
'Yeah, yeah, I got the names. But who are you, and what are you doing here?'
'Well, that's actually a rather long and very fascinating story,' the Doctor says, putting his hands in his pockets and appeaing in no hurry to tell it.
Buffy turns her stare on Rhys, who just stares back. Jack prods him in the arm. 'Come on, you're supposed to be our native guide here.'
Rhys blinks at him. 'Buh,' he says.
Jack looks at the Doctor over his head. 'We're doomed.'
Buffy's expression softens a little, and she almost smiles. 'You know, I've heard that said before, but so far it's never held up.'
Jack squares his shoulders and looks her in the eye. 'We're here because we're looking for you, Buffy Summers. We need your help.'
'Is that so? Well, how about you start by telling me what with?'
Jack looks at the Doctor.
'Right,' the Doctor says, taking his hands out of his pockets and clapping them together. 'Okay. Well, the short version is that there was this issue with the Rift, and--although no, really it starts when Rose absorbed the time vortex, because she--no, no, actually it starts with the Daleks because if they hadn't survived the Time War and tried to invade Earth then she wouldn't--'
Buffy holds up her hand. 'This is the short version? You know, backstory is always good but for now, is there a Cliffs Notes version? With, like, bullet points?'
'We need to know about Ethan Rayne,' says Jack.
Buffy raises her eyebrows. 'Okay, that's certainly a bullet. Why do you need to know about him? He's supposed to be tucked away safe in--' she stops. 'Wait--you said 'Captain' Harkness, right? Are you guys with the Initiative?'
Jack shakes his head. 'No. I represent an organisation called Torchwood. We're based in England. Or a version of it, anyway.'
'A version of it? Oh, you mean you're from an alternate reality?'
Jack nods, looking a little surprised. Buffy tucks her stake into the waistband of her jeans. 'You should have said. We've had experience with those.' She pauses. 'Do you have shrimp in yours?'
'Shrimp?'
Buffy waves a hand and glances around. 'Never mind. Okay, look--you better come back to the house with me, and we can talk about Ethan. I'm not exactly the world's authority on him, but I think I know a man who is.'
'Rupert Giles,' says Jack. 'They were old friends.'
Buffy nods. 'Yeah. I guess you guys have done your homework.'
Jack falls into step beside her. 'You could certainly say that.'
The Doctor gives Rhys a little push to get him moving. Buffy glances back over her shoulder. 'Is he--you know, a bit--' she breaks off and circles her finger by her temple.
The Doctor grins and pats his shoulder. 'I think he's just a bit star struck. He's a big fan of yours, you know. I was like that myself, the first time I ever met Elvis.'
Buffy narrows her eyes. 'A fan? I don't--'
Jack cuts her off, staring at the the Doctor. 'You knew Elvis Presley?'
The Doctor gives him a smug smile. 'You're not the only one with old flames, you know.'
'Buh?' says Rhys.
The Doctor nods. 'Oh, yes. You know all those rumours about him faking his death and going to live on the moon?' He taps the side of his nose. 'The basic reports weren't that far off. It was a moon orbiting Theta Kastori 3, that was all. Very exclusive place. Keep that to yourself, eh?'
Jack shakes his head as Buffy leads them out of the cemetery. 'You guys are a little strange,' she says.
'You have no idea.'
'Oh, I have a passing acquaintance with strange. I doubt you could shock me.'
Jack laughs. 'Now there's a challenge if ever I heard one. We'll have to trade war stories some time.'
Buffy gives him a tiny grin. 'Did you ever get resurrected from the dead? Because if not, I'm going to win.'
The Doctor strides forward, catching them up. 'Nine times, so far,' he says cheerfully. 'Is that chicken you've got in there?'
'Nine?' says Jack. 'Is that all? I lost count at around thirty eight.' He looks at Buffy. 'Did you ever bleed out after being poisoned and having all your major organs eaten by a pack of ravening Jharga beasts? Let me tell you, that one hurt.'
Buffy purses her lips and doesn't response for a while. 'Huh,' she says finally, almost more to herself than to them. 'Maybe my position isn't quite as strong as I thought.'
The Doctor leans over and plucks a drumstick out of the bucket. 'We've been around the block a few times, between us. Seen a few things, here and there. Although that was in fact my very first live vampire--if you'll forgive the contradiction in terms. It's all really rather exciting.'
'Exciting? Well, that's one way of looking at it.'
He reaches down again, and Buffy hands him the bucket. 'Here. There are fries at the bottom, too. Help yourself.'
'Don't mind if I do, thanks.'
When they arrive at the house, it looks exactly as it did on screen. Rhys puts his hand on the door after Buffy pushes it open. It's solid. Real.
As are the people sitting around the wooden dining table, plates and bowls spread out in front of them. Rhys can feel his mouth hanging open.
'Hey guys,' says Buffy. 'I brought dinner.' She looks at the remnants of food on the table then takes the bucket out of the Doctor's hands and peers into it. 'Although actually it's probably a good thing you already ate.' She tosses it into the bin. 'Let's start that again. Hey, guys. I brought guests.'
Giles stands up, a half-filled wine glass in his hand. 'Buffy. Are you--is everything all right?'
'Rupert Giles,' says the Doctor, stepping forward. 'Look at you. And Willow, Tara, Dawn.' He looks back at Rhys. 'Isn't this just fantastic?'
'Buh,' Rhys says, and faints.
* * *
He comes to on the sofa, with something cool and damp pressed to his forehead. He keeps his eyes closed. Must have overdone the beer again, then. No doubt Gwen will have something to say about it, but hopefully that'll be after she's made him a nice cup of tea and maybe a bacon sandwich. Best hangover cure in the world, that. Although actually, he feels pretty good. No pounding headache, no queasy guts, no badger-died-in-it mouth. He doesn't really feel much like he's got a hangover at all. So why's he sleeping on the sofa? Is he in the doghouse? He vaguely remembers having a go about her being home so late all the time, and then...
Oh.
Coming from the kitchen he can hear the unmistakeable sound of a kettle being boiled, but somehow he doesn't think it's the one Gwen's mum got out of Argos with her Nectar points. He cracks open one eye, and sees a ceiling--a living room--that's definitely not his own.
'--thinking about re-enrolling,' says Buffy's voice, 'but I missed the registration cutoff. Busy being dead and all.'
'Well, if it's too late for late registration and too early for early,' says Willow, 'you can always come to classes with Tara and me.'
'Right. Y-you can audit for the rest of the semester until registration.'
There's a pause. 'Audit,' says Buffy. ' I-I guess I could do that. Yeah, that ... sounds like a good plan. What do you think, Giles?'
Being dead... going to classes with Willow and Tara... he knows this. He was right, it's season six--early six, with Buffy just resurrected and trying to get back to normal and having money worries and trying to get a loan and a job and yes, of course.
He tries to sit up and ends up rolling off the sofa. 'It's the Trio!' he shouts from the floor. 'The games, they've got a contest going and they're trying to test you. If you go to the college they put a thing, a device with a camera in it, Warren bumps into you and sticks it on your clothes and it speeds up time, and you get stuck, and you have to hide under the table and then there are the demons at the construction site and Xander fires you and then you try the Magic Box and there's the whole Groundhog Day thing with the mummy hand, and--and-- '
He trails off, and there's absolute silence while every eye turns to stare at him. The Doctor is sitting next to Giles, sharing the red wine. He gets up, smiling at everyone around the table. 'Concussion,' he says. 'Don't worry, he'll be fine.'
He comes over and squats by Rhys. 'What are you doing?' he whispers. 'You can't tell them what's going to happen.'
'But--no, well, not everything, I mean, some of it was, was, a bit, you know, but this, I know what they're going to do, I could help her. And Willow...Warren... if Buffy knew--'
The Doctor looks grave. 'I don't think you should interfere. And we're supposed to be looking for Ethan, and Sam Tyler, and--'
'But it all goes wrong. Horribly wrong. You haven't seen it yet, we didn't get that far, but I have. It's bad.' He lowers his voice even further. 'Tara gets murdered.'
'Really?' The Doctor shoots a look back at Tara, who's pouring out coffee and smiling at Willow. 'Well, that would certainly be a shame. She seems very nice.'
'She is. It's not fair. And really, who said it has to turn out that way? Well, I mean, Joss Whedon, obviously, but he's not here now. And this isn't just about telling a story any more, about doing something for dramatic effect. These people are real. This is real life now. Why do they have to follow someone else's script?'
'But we really need to find Ethan, and fix the--'
Rhys scrambles to his feet, since being sprawled on the floor doesn't seem like it's really adding the right kind of gravitas to his argument. 'I know, and we will, but surely it can't hurt to just fix this first, can it? Just the Warren thing, to save Tara. We can go and get Ethan afterwards. What harm can it do, to hang on for a few hours?'
Jack appears behind the Doctor, who also straightens up. 'What's going on?'
'We're changing history,' Rhys says, with a determined look at the Doctor.
The Doctor sighs, then turns back to face the others. 'Buffy,' he calls. 'Can we talk to you for a minute?'
* * *
'Visions,' says Buffy doubtfully.
Rhys nods.
'Okay. So, let me see if I've got this straight. You're a seer, and you get visions sent to you from the Powers That Be, and you've had one about me.'
'Yes.'
'And Ethan Rayne.'
'Yes. I mean, no. Well, I mean yes, in a way, but not at the same time. The Ethan thing is separate.'
'Who's Ethan?' says Tara.
Giles pours out another glass of wine. 'A name I'd hoped never to hear again.'
Jack gives him a sympathetic look. 'Yeah, I've got a few like that. There are always some that come back to bite you in the ass. If they weren't doing that in the first place, of course.' He winks.
Giles splutters into his wine. 'I can assure you, Ethan and I, we--it was never--'
'Okay,' says Buffy. 'Focus, people. Let's do the me thing first, and then we can do the Ethan thing.' She looks expectantly at Rhys. 'Go on.'
Rhys takes a deep breath. 'Have you noticed a van following you around? A big black van?'
Buffy shakes her head. 'Not that I saw.'
'You will. They're tracking you, watching you and figuring out ways to test you so that they can get information about your strength, speed, that kind of thing.'
'And 'they' are...?'
'They call themselves the Trio. Warren, Jonathan and Andrew. They want to be supervillains.'
Buffy blinks. ' Warren... you mean the guy who built the robots?'
'Yes. He's the ringleader. Right nasty piece of work, that one. You want to watch him. Big time.' Rhys can't help looking at Tara, who smiles back at him.
'And Jonathan Levinson? That little creep, I can't believe it. After all I've done for him.' She shakes her head. 'And who the hell's Andrew?'
'Andrew Wells. He had something to do with flying monkeys, I think. He's Tucker's brother.'
'Ohhh, right. And they want to be... supervillains?'
Rhys nods. 'They teamed up to take over Sunnydale.'
Buffy snickers. 'That's kind of... cute, almost.' She takes a sip of her coffee. 'So, your visions are really detailed, huh?'
'Like you wouldn't believe.'
'Okay, so run their plans past me again. What was all that about a mummy hand?'
Part 7
Author: Flurblewig
Fandom: Buffyverse/Life On Mars/Torchwood/Doctor Who
Genre: Comedy drama, with a side order of crackfic :-)
Rating: PG13
Length: This part 2,850 words
Pairing: Gen ensemble: Rhys, Jack, Ten, Sam Tyler, Ethan Rayne, Buffy, Giles
Summary: Sam Tyler meets another time-traveller and finds out that the world is even weirder than he thought, while Rhys Williams meets Jack & The Doctor and finds out that being a Buffy fan is going to come in handy in ways he never dreamed possible...
A/N: Thanks & hugs to my desoto_hia873!
Previous parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5
The TARDIS door opens into a graveyard. Rhys pokes his head out, then takes a tentative step outside. 'Looks like Sunnydale all right. Do you know what year it--'
The words are choked off as he gets bowled over by a running figure that slams full-tilt into him. They both go crashing to the ground. Rhys rolls over and lies still for a moment, winded, then realises that lack of air isn't the only reason he's having trouble moving: something heavy is pinning him down. He opens his eyes and looks straight into a mouthful of snarling fangs.
He blinks, then does what any normal man would do under the circumstances. He recovers his breath and screams his head off.
It buys him a second or two, as the vampire actually flinches a little from the sound. Before it can move back in towards his neck it's hauled off, dumped on the damp grass and unceremoniously staked. A shower of ash explodes in the air, but without the whooshing sound that Rhys has come to associate with it. He can't help but feel a little disappointed.
A hand reaches down towards him and a voice says, 'Hey, you all right?'
A female voice.
A familiar female voice.
He reaches up and grabs the hand, and lets it pull him to his feet. His eyes track slowly from the hand to the arm it's attached to, encased in the sleeve of a camel-coloured coat, and up to the shoulder, the neck and finally the face. Her hair is long, curling past her shoulders, and she looks thin and more than a little worn around the edges. Whatever point they've arrived at, it's definitely after the high school years.
In her other hand is a bucket of something that smells like KFC. His stomach rolls, but he's not quite sure whether that's from adrenalin, hunger or just the sheer fact that it's her standing right in front of him. He realises he should know better, but he's still shocked by just how small she really is.
She runs a quick, practiced glance over him. 'You're fine, ' she says. 'Go home, now. And try to remember that the short cut through the cemetary is never a good idea, okay?' She sounds tired, almost to the point of disinterest, and turns away without without waiting for a response. She resumes walking--or more accurately, trudging. Her head is down, her shoulders hunched. She seems to have forgotten him already.
'Buh,' he says.
She turns her head, but doesn't stop. He tries again. 'Buh. Buh?'
Jack and the Doctor come running. 'What's going on?' Jack says. 'Is anyone hurt?'
'Buh,' Rhys says.
Buffy finally comes to a halt. Her gaze flicks to them and back again, and she nods at Rhys. 'I think maybe your friend hit his head.'
The Doctor grabs Rhys's shoulders and turns him around, peering into his eyes. 'No, no, he's fine. He's just from Cardiff.'
Buffy looks from one to the other. A touch of confusion brings a little animation to her expression, but not much. Jack steps forward, his hand held out. 'Hi. I'm Captain Jack Harkness. This is the Doctor, and that's Rhys.'
She stares at his hand for a second, then shrugs and gives it a swift shake. 'Buffy Summers.'
'Buh,' Rhys says.
The Doctor pats his arm. 'Yes, yes, well done. Good work.'
Buffy starts to edge away again. 'Well, you guys have a nice night, now. Just try having it somewhere else, okay? 'Cause of all the, you know--' she flaps her hand. 'Gangs on PCP.'
'Oh, you mean the vampires,' the Doctor says.
She stops and runs a hand over the back of her neck, looking down. For a minute it looks like she's just going to walk on anyway, but finally she turns and frowns at him. 'Who are you, again?'
Her voice is still flat and tired, and she doesn't really sound that interested. Going through the motions, Rhys thinks, and realises where they are. Season six, it has to be.
'I'm the Doctor, that's Jack and--'
'Yeah, yeah, I got the names. But who are you, and what are you doing here?'
'Well, that's actually a rather long and very fascinating story,' the Doctor says, putting his hands in his pockets and appeaing in no hurry to tell it.
Buffy turns her stare on Rhys, who just stares back. Jack prods him in the arm. 'Come on, you're supposed to be our native guide here.'
Rhys blinks at him. 'Buh,' he says.
Jack looks at the Doctor over his head. 'We're doomed.'
Buffy's expression softens a little, and she almost smiles. 'You know, I've heard that said before, but so far it's never held up.'
Jack squares his shoulders and looks her in the eye. 'We're here because we're looking for you, Buffy Summers. We need your help.'
'Is that so? Well, how about you start by telling me what with?'
Jack looks at the Doctor.
'Right,' the Doctor says, taking his hands out of his pockets and clapping them together. 'Okay. Well, the short version is that there was this issue with the Rift, and--although no, really it starts when Rose absorbed the time vortex, because she--no, no, actually it starts with the Daleks because if they hadn't survived the Time War and tried to invade Earth then she wouldn't--'
Buffy holds up her hand. 'This is the short version? You know, backstory is always good but for now, is there a Cliffs Notes version? With, like, bullet points?'
'We need to know about Ethan Rayne,' says Jack.
Buffy raises her eyebrows. 'Okay, that's certainly a bullet. Why do you need to know about him? He's supposed to be tucked away safe in--' she stops. 'Wait--you said 'Captain' Harkness, right? Are you guys with the Initiative?'
Jack shakes his head. 'No. I represent an organisation called Torchwood. We're based in England. Or a version of it, anyway.'
'A version of it? Oh, you mean you're from an alternate reality?'
Jack nods, looking a little surprised. Buffy tucks her stake into the waistband of her jeans. 'You should have said. We've had experience with those.' She pauses. 'Do you have shrimp in yours?'
'Shrimp?'
Buffy waves a hand and glances around. 'Never mind. Okay, look--you better come back to the house with me, and we can talk about Ethan. I'm not exactly the world's authority on him, but I think I know a man who is.'
'Rupert Giles,' says Jack. 'They were old friends.'
Buffy nods. 'Yeah. I guess you guys have done your homework.'
Jack falls into step beside her. 'You could certainly say that.'
The Doctor gives Rhys a little push to get him moving. Buffy glances back over her shoulder. 'Is he--you know, a bit--' she breaks off and circles her finger by her temple.
The Doctor grins and pats his shoulder. 'I think he's just a bit star struck. He's a big fan of yours, you know. I was like that myself, the first time I ever met Elvis.'
Buffy narrows her eyes. 'A fan? I don't--'
Jack cuts her off, staring at the the Doctor. 'You knew Elvis Presley?'
The Doctor gives him a smug smile. 'You're not the only one with old flames, you know.'
'Buh?' says Rhys.
The Doctor nods. 'Oh, yes. You know all those rumours about him faking his death and going to live on the moon?' He taps the side of his nose. 'The basic reports weren't that far off. It was a moon orbiting Theta Kastori 3, that was all. Very exclusive place. Keep that to yourself, eh?'
Jack shakes his head as Buffy leads them out of the cemetery. 'You guys are a little strange,' she says.
'You have no idea.'
'Oh, I have a passing acquaintance with strange. I doubt you could shock me.'
Jack laughs. 'Now there's a challenge if ever I heard one. We'll have to trade war stories some time.'
Buffy gives him a tiny grin. 'Did you ever get resurrected from the dead? Because if not, I'm going to win.'
The Doctor strides forward, catching them up. 'Nine times, so far,' he says cheerfully. 'Is that chicken you've got in there?'
'Nine?' says Jack. 'Is that all? I lost count at around thirty eight.' He looks at Buffy. 'Did you ever bleed out after being poisoned and having all your major organs eaten by a pack of ravening Jharga beasts? Let me tell you, that one hurt.'
Buffy purses her lips and doesn't response for a while. 'Huh,' she says finally, almost more to herself than to them. 'Maybe my position isn't quite as strong as I thought.'
The Doctor leans over and plucks a drumstick out of the bucket. 'We've been around the block a few times, between us. Seen a few things, here and there. Although that was in fact my very first live vampire--if you'll forgive the contradiction in terms. It's all really rather exciting.'
'Exciting? Well, that's one way of looking at it.'
He reaches down again, and Buffy hands him the bucket. 'Here. There are fries at the bottom, too. Help yourself.'
'Don't mind if I do, thanks.'
When they arrive at the house, it looks exactly as it did on screen. Rhys puts his hand on the door after Buffy pushes it open. It's solid. Real.
As are the people sitting around the wooden dining table, plates and bowls spread out in front of them. Rhys can feel his mouth hanging open.
'Hey guys,' says Buffy. 'I brought dinner.' She looks at the remnants of food on the table then takes the bucket out of the Doctor's hands and peers into it. 'Although actually it's probably a good thing you already ate.' She tosses it into the bin. 'Let's start that again. Hey, guys. I brought guests.'
Giles stands up, a half-filled wine glass in his hand. 'Buffy. Are you--is everything all right?'
'Rupert Giles,' says the Doctor, stepping forward. 'Look at you. And Willow, Tara, Dawn.' He looks back at Rhys. 'Isn't this just fantastic?'
'Buh,' Rhys says, and faints.
* * *
He comes to on the sofa, with something cool and damp pressed to his forehead. He keeps his eyes closed. Must have overdone the beer again, then. No doubt Gwen will have something to say about it, but hopefully that'll be after she's made him a nice cup of tea and maybe a bacon sandwich. Best hangover cure in the world, that. Although actually, he feels pretty good. No pounding headache, no queasy guts, no badger-died-in-it mouth. He doesn't really feel much like he's got a hangover at all. So why's he sleeping on the sofa? Is he in the doghouse? He vaguely remembers having a go about her being home so late all the time, and then...
Oh.
Coming from the kitchen he can hear the unmistakeable sound of a kettle being boiled, but somehow he doesn't think it's the one Gwen's mum got out of Argos with her Nectar points. He cracks open one eye, and sees a ceiling--a living room--that's definitely not his own.
'--thinking about re-enrolling,' says Buffy's voice, 'but I missed the registration cutoff. Busy being dead and all.'
'Well, if it's too late for late registration and too early for early,' says Willow, 'you can always come to classes with Tara and me.'
'Right. Y-you can audit for the rest of the semester until registration.'
There's a pause. 'Audit,' says Buffy. ' I-I guess I could do that. Yeah, that ... sounds like a good plan. What do you think, Giles?'
Being dead... going to classes with Willow and Tara... he knows this. He was right, it's season six--early six, with Buffy just resurrected and trying to get back to normal and having money worries and trying to get a loan and a job and yes, of course.
He tries to sit up and ends up rolling off the sofa. 'It's the Trio!' he shouts from the floor. 'The games, they've got a contest going and they're trying to test you. If you go to the college they put a thing, a device with a camera in it, Warren bumps into you and sticks it on your clothes and it speeds up time, and you get stuck, and you have to hide under the table and then there are the demons at the construction site and Xander fires you and then you try the Magic Box and there's the whole Groundhog Day thing with the mummy hand, and--and-- '
He trails off, and there's absolute silence while every eye turns to stare at him. The Doctor is sitting next to Giles, sharing the red wine. He gets up, smiling at everyone around the table. 'Concussion,' he says. 'Don't worry, he'll be fine.'
He comes over and squats by Rhys. 'What are you doing?' he whispers. 'You can't tell them what's going to happen.'
'But--no, well, not everything, I mean, some of it was, was, a bit, you know, but this, I know what they're going to do, I could help her. And Willow...Warren... if Buffy knew--'
The Doctor looks grave. 'I don't think you should interfere. And we're supposed to be looking for Ethan, and Sam Tyler, and--'
'But it all goes wrong. Horribly wrong. You haven't seen it yet, we didn't get that far, but I have. It's bad.' He lowers his voice even further. 'Tara gets murdered.'
'Really?' The Doctor shoots a look back at Tara, who's pouring out coffee and smiling at Willow. 'Well, that would certainly be a shame. She seems very nice.'
'She is. It's not fair. And really, who said it has to turn out that way? Well, I mean, Joss Whedon, obviously, but he's not here now. And this isn't just about telling a story any more, about doing something for dramatic effect. These people are real. This is real life now. Why do they have to follow someone else's script?'
'But we really need to find Ethan, and fix the--'
Rhys scrambles to his feet, since being sprawled on the floor doesn't seem like it's really adding the right kind of gravitas to his argument. 'I know, and we will, but surely it can't hurt to just fix this first, can it? Just the Warren thing, to save Tara. We can go and get Ethan afterwards. What harm can it do, to hang on for a few hours?'
Jack appears behind the Doctor, who also straightens up. 'What's going on?'
'We're changing history,' Rhys says, with a determined look at the Doctor.
The Doctor sighs, then turns back to face the others. 'Buffy,' he calls. 'Can we talk to you for a minute?'
* * *
'Visions,' says Buffy doubtfully.
Rhys nods.
'Okay. So, let me see if I've got this straight. You're a seer, and you get visions sent to you from the Powers That Be, and you've had one about me.'
'Yes.'
'And Ethan Rayne.'
'Yes. I mean, no. Well, I mean yes, in a way, but not at the same time. The Ethan thing is separate.'
'Who's Ethan?' says Tara.
Giles pours out another glass of wine. 'A name I'd hoped never to hear again.'
Jack gives him a sympathetic look. 'Yeah, I've got a few like that. There are always some that come back to bite you in the ass. If they weren't doing that in the first place, of course.' He winks.
Giles splutters into his wine. 'I can assure you, Ethan and I, we--it was never--'
'Okay,' says Buffy. 'Focus, people. Let's do the me thing first, and then we can do the Ethan thing.' She looks expectantly at Rhys. 'Go on.'
Rhys takes a deep breath. 'Have you noticed a van following you around? A big black van?'
Buffy shakes her head. 'Not that I saw.'
'You will. They're tracking you, watching you and figuring out ways to test you so that they can get information about your strength, speed, that kind of thing.'
'And 'they' are...?'
'They call themselves the Trio. Warren, Jonathan and Andrew. They want to be supervillains.'
Buffy blinks. ' Warren... you mean the guy who built the robots?'
'Yes. He's the ringleader. Right nasty piece of work, that one. You want to watch him. Big time.' Rhys can't help looking at Tara, who smiles back at him.
'And Jonathan Levinson? That little creep, I can't believe it. After all I've done for him.' She shakes her head. 'And who the hell's Andrew?'
'Andrew Wells. He had something to do with flying monkeys, I think. He's Tucker's brother.'
'Ohhh, right. And they want to be... supervillains?'
Rhys nods. 'They teamed up to take over Sunnydale.'
Buffy snickers. 'That's kind of... cute, almost.' She takes a sip of her coffee. 'So, your visions are really detailed, huh?'
'Like you wouldn't believe.'
'Okay, so run their plans past me again. What was all that about a mummy hand?'
Part 7