Fic: Love is an Odd Taste
Title: Love is an Odd Taste
Fandom: StarTrek XI
Pairing: Kirk/SpockPrime
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 7713
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Star Trek, and receive no financial gain from playing with the ideas, characters and concepts involved.
Summary: As Captain Kirk develops an intimate relationship with Ambassador Spock, not everyone is comfortable with the idea.
“How come you never fucked, your me, the other me?” Jim didn’t even need to look up to know Spock’s face showed irritation at his choice of words. “Ok, I know this is more than just sex, so stop distracting me from the original question.”
Spock let out a soft noise, that Jim recognised as an amused snort. It still surprised him how well he could read his lover, especially when he still struggled so much to read his first officer. At one point they were the same man, but now, life had sent them down different paths.
“The Jim I used to know, was a great man, and my best friend.” Spock’s fingers trace down Jim’s back. “But I never wanted him sexually, perhaps it is the differences in you that have lead me to this attraction.”
Jim lifted his head to look at Spock. “You want me because I am damaged?”
Spock pushed his head off the pillow to press a kiss against Jim’s forehead. “I love you because for all the broken edges, you are still brave, strong and beautiful. You are not simply a replacement of an old friend T'hy'la, my feelings are specifically for you.”
Jim frowned at the compliment, but laid his head back against Spock’s shoulder. “It’s just, he’s such a hero in your eyes, and I’m... well not.”
This time Spock did laugh, a soft rumble of amusement. “Jim Kirk was infuriating, reckless, and emotional. He frustrated me no end.”
Jim snickered against Spock’s skin. “So nothing like me?”
Spock raised an eyebrow, but there was the faint smile on his lips. “My point is, Jim Kirk became a hero because of the same attributes that lead you to become the Captain of the Enterprise. You are not failing to measure up, for I will never measure you against him.”
“You know, you didn’t really answer my original question.”
“Did I not?”
Jim rolled his eyes, snuggling in against Spock, his arm snaking around the other man’s waist.
**
Kirk collapsed on his bed, weakly trying to toe off his boots. He was exhausted, mentally as well as physically. The last three days had been long and painful. The distress call they had received had turned out to be a fraud, not a request of help from a Federation ship, but a trap that had ensnared them. His ship had taken damage during the surprise attack and 10 crew members were still in the infirmary with varying degrees of injuries. One, Ensign Haramki, had lost his life. All Jim wanted to do was sleep for the next eight hours.
He frowned, cursing to himself, when the comm. channel started to beep at him. He was tempted to throw a boot at it and just roll over and go to sleep. But it could be the Admiral, Earth could be under attack, or any number of crises, so he pulled himself off the bed and staggered to his desk. Spock’s face flickered onto the screen when he switched it on.
“Spock.” Jim already felt himself lightening at the sight of his lover.
“I am glad to see you in one piece Captain.”
“Wow, Vulcan telepathy really is damn good.” Jim groaned. It infuriated Kirk sometimes, that Spock always seemed to know what was happening. But along with the irritation there was also a feeling of being cared for, and as much as he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, that caring brought feelings of being safe and secure.
“I have my sources,” Spock stated with a certain amount of smugness. “So tell me how bad it is.”
Jim sighed, stretching out on his chair. “My baby is pretty beaten up, we are going to have to head to Nevis 5 for repairs. And,” Jim swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. “I’m going to have to write a letter to Haramki’s parents.”
“I know how hard it is for you to lose people Jim.” Spock’s voice softened.
“Especially since it was my fault!”
“Jim -“
“No, don’t Jim me.” Kirk jumped to his feet, all the exhaustion getting burnt away but the self-anger. “I should never have stepped into that trap, should never have just trusted the signal.”
“The distress signal was on a valid code Jim, you couldn’t have known.” Spock’s voice was calm, which only angered Jim more.
“Damnit Spock! I’m the one in charge, I’m the one responsible for all these lives, I can’t just make mistakes!”
“You didn’t do anything wrong Jim, you followed Starfleet procedure.”
“You sound like my First Officer.”
“Well there is a reason for that, considering...” Spock’s lip twitched in a suppressed grin.
“Don’t!” Jim laughed, slumping back into the chair. “I don’t want to think about that, I have to work with the damn guy. Can you...”
“I’ll be there when you arrive.”
Jim smiled through the monitor, grateful that not only was Spock always there to offer comfort when he needed it, but also didn’t force Jim to ask. “I love you.”
“Love you too, T'hy'la. Now off to bed, you look exhausted.
**
“You would think he had more self-respect, or at least more respect for his command.” Uhura grumbled reaching for her drink.
Gaila laughed when she followed Uhura’s sight line to see Kirk sitting in the corner of the bar with the elder Vulcan. “You’re one to talk, aren’t you involved with a Vulcan as well?”
“That’s not what the problem, I’m not some xenophobe.”
“Then what?” Gaila flicked her gaze between the two men and back to Uhura, confused at the annoyance in her friend’s voice.
“They are men!” Uhura spat.
“God yes they are.” Gaila purred.
Uhura snorted at her friend for a minute then returned to watching the men. They were just sitting quietly talking, but Uhura could see the connection the men shared. “They are men... together.”
“Oh yeah.” Gaila giggled until she saw the look of disgust on her friend’s face. “You’re serious? You’re people don’t approve of homosexual behaviour?”
“Some do, ok, most do. But I don’t, ok, my family brought me up right, sex should not happen between the same gender. It’s just wrong and the Captain shouldn’t be doing that.”
“So are you going to put in for a transfer?”
“What? No way, the Enterprise is the flagship, why should I suffer because of the Captain’s perversion.”
Gaila liked Uhura, ever since they roomed together in the Academy. It was unusual for Orion women to gain friendship of other woman. But there were times when the Earth woman confused and more than slightly annoyed her. She’d learnt very early in coming to Earth that a lot of its people had conservative views about sexuality, and she’d discovered Uhura was more repressed than most. But this hatred she saw, simply based on the genders of the people involved confused her more than anything else.
“I put in an anonymous complaint, but Kirk is the Admiral’s golden haired boy, so it’s unlikely to do any good. I just will have to put up with it.”
Gaila glanced at the two men again, then back to Uhura. “Yeah, if you want a career at Starfleet.”
The insistent beeping of the comm. screen calls Kirk from sleep. He drags himself off the bed, his hand skimming over Spock’s shoulder before grabbing his pants from where they have laid, discarded earlier in a desperate need for skin. His eyes flick at the play of muscles on Spock’s back. Sometimes it irritates Kirk that even though his lover is older than dirt, old enough, literally, to be his great grandfather, the man’s body is so strong, muscular, that even the sight of it can draw a reaction from Kirk’s sated, sleepy body.
When Admiral Pike’s face appears on the comm. screen, Kirk really wishes he’d found his shirt before answering. “Admiral?” Kirk hopes he’s not blushing when he snaps to attention.
“Kirk, my apologies for the lateness of the communication, but it has come to my attention that your relationship is bringing your command into question.”
Kirk bristles. “My private relationship, Admiral?”
“You are the Captain of Starfleet’s flagship Jim, who you sleep with reflects against Starfleet.” Pike’s voice was calm, non-accusatory.
“Sir, I thought Spock was held in great regard by Starfleet.”
Pike bristles. “You are in a sexual relationship with your First Officer?”
Kirk thinks he’s going to choke. “God no! I mean, no Sir, not Commander Spock, I’m in a private relationship with Ambassador Spock.”
“Oh,” it was Pike’s turn to look embarrassed. If the situation was different, Kirk would have found it terribly amusing. But this was his life, his relationship that was being dragged up here. “I did not realise, I mean, Admiral Spock, I do not see how Starfleet can see that is jeopardising your command.”
“Well that’s just dandy, Sir.” Kirk responded with his best sarcastic voice. “I must have forgotten the part of my contract to Starfleet that said I needed command approval before I pulled my dick out of my pants.”
“Captain!” Pike snapped.
“No Admiral, I’m the Captain of the USS Enterprise, I am an intelligent man, I’m not some fool that would sleep with a Klingon or Romulan spy for god’s sake. I am in a relationship with a man that in another time line was a hero of the Federation, and in this timeline played an integral part in the prevention of the destruction of Earth. He’s not a threat to Federation security, and personally I don’t give a damn, so unless you’re asking for my resignation Sir, you can all get out of my private life.”
“Jim -“ Before he could finish his sentence, Kirk leaned over and turned off the comm. link. He was angry, and a little bit hurt by the conversation. He’d come to like and respect Pike, and if he was honest with himself, there was a small part of him that looked upon the Admiral as a surrogate father-figure. But he was not willing to sit there and listen to his Admiral or his friend dictating who he could love, who he could have sex with.
He sat quietly in the dark for a while, calming his natural instinct to put his fist through a wall. The irony was, his ability to curtail the reckless violence he used to face the world with came from two men in his life. Pike who had seen something in him, challenged him to be a better man, to strive for better, and Spock, who had seen the man he could be, had once been, and would be.
“Jim?” The voice was soft in the background.
“How much did you hear?”
“Enough.”
“Well, fuck them all.”
“I would prefer you didn’t.”
“Possessive?”
“Actually... yes.” Spock’s voice had dropped, developed a hard tone.
Kirk couldn’t resist the grin, the ease of tension. He climbed back onto the bed, straddling Spock’s waist. “So you want to claim me? Mark me as yours?”
“I thought I already had.” Spock’s fingers brushed over the slight brush on Jim’s collarbone, and then with an act of strength, that Kirk would never admit to finding incredibly hot, Spock flipped him until he was lying on the bed, his elderly lover plastered to him. “But perhaps you should have more before you return to your ship.”
**
Kirk growled as he collapsed on his bed. He had the best crew in all of Starfleet; he didn’t question their loyalty. He also knew, as their Captain he had their respect, but the last few weeks he’d come to realise as a man, he’d become the subject of derisive gossip. He’d done his best to ignore it, knowing any reaction showing he had overheard to comments would only add fuel to the fire. He could only hope it died down before it became an issue. Any starship was a small community, there was bound to be gossip circulating all the time, and as long as it did not directly affect the chains of command Kirk was willing to be the subject.
Being the subject of gossip, even derisive gossip, wasn’t exactly a new experience for Jim Kirk. He was hardly a man of virtue, and during his time at StarFleet Academy his name had been spoken equally with contempt and admiration. Sex, drunken bar fights, insubordination, all had at some point been attached to Kirk’s name, and he’d taken a degree of pride in the stories. Even those that had been grossly untrue, or in a couple of cases physically impossible, still amused him.
When he had first heard Chekov and Sulu talking, amusement had been the primary response. Chekov, little more than a kid really, had sounded so shocked, almost horrified when he talked in hushed tones about Spock’s age, wondering if the Vulcan was all wrinkles, sagging paper thin skin of the elderly. The idea made Kirk snort, Spock’s body carried the lines, wrinkles and scars of a life of many years, but it still held the power and beauty of someone actively fit. Not that Kirk would admit it outloud, but Spock, spread naked on his bed, was one of the most beautiful images Kirk had ever seen.
He had nearly choked when Sulu laughed, saying that the Captain probably calls Spock ‘Daddy’. Trying to keep his drink from being snorted out his nose, Kirk almost missed the horrified, embarrassed look on Chekov’s face. As Sulu tried to explain the joys of daddy!kink to the teenaged Ensign, Jim pictured calling Spock Daddy. The idea was almost amusing enough to try, but then Kirk didn’t want to end up sleeping on the couch, and really, he did want to continuing having sex. So no matter how hot Spock looked when he got infuriated with him, Jim wasn’t such a complete idiot to call Spock Daddy.
It wasn’t really the teasing gossip that had him pounding his pillow tonight. As age gaps went Kirk knew he was raising the bar with this relationship. But when people looked at that gap and saw it as negating any true feeling it made Kirk want to hurt someone. Since, they decided it couldn’t be love, they tried to work out the reason Kirk was involved with the Elder Vulcan. Theories ranged from Starfleet making him whore himself out so they could gain information about the future, to the idea that Kirk had issues from being an orphan and wanted a substitute father. He admitted the last one made him smirk, he might not have had a father but he was pretty sure you didn’t spend hours sucking and licking their cocks.
The one he’d heard tonight had angered him the most. He’d entered the sick bay, bored he’d thought he could amuse himself by bugging the hell out of Bones until the man threw him out. It was then that he heard two nurses talking in hushed tones. Not surprisingly, anymore, he was the topic of the conversation. However it wasn’t what they were saying about him that had brought up so much anger. Instead, he stood there, listening to them discuss Vulcan mind melds, and the probability that Ambassador Spock had raped the Captain. The only reason, the nurse said, that someone like the Captain would be with such an old wizened man was if Spock had invaded his mind, taken it by force and destroyed Kirk’s will. She talked about Spock like a vile predator, and Kirk as his helpless victim. Jim had turned and headed to his quarters before he did something he’d have regretted.
When Jim got to his quarters he found Ambassador Spock sprawled on his bed, a pillow pressed over his head. Jim could only laugh, it was so unlike the Vulcan composure he was used to. At the sound of his laughter, Spock lifted half the pillow to glare at Jim, before dropping the pillow back into place. Kirk kicked off his boots and climbed up onto the bed. At the feel of the bed sag with the added weight of his bondmate, Spock instinctively moved to accommodate him.
“How was your trip?” Jim murmured as he snuggled into Spock’s warmth.
Spock made a muffled snort in response.
“You know, conversation is easier when you’re not trying to suffocate yourself.” Jim reached for the pillow and tossed it to the floor. As soon as it was gone, Spock moved to tug Jim closer, pillowing his head on Spock’s chest. “That bad?”
“The flight was adequate and uneventful.”
“Stop being obtuse, it doesn’t become you, and it definitely doesn’t work with me. You know what I’m asking.” Kirk raised his eyes to fix a challenging look on Spock.
Spock let out his breath in a rush of air. “I spent four days on a shuttle with Ambassador Sarek, a man who is, or once was my father. He is a man half my age, and a father to someone different. It is awkward for me to be around him, to hold my own memories of the man. All that I am, it reminds me, now no longer exists. My experiences will never happen, my life, and therefore my self no longer exist.”
“You’ll still Spock.” Jim presses his lips to Spock’s chest.
“Am I? It is not just that no one remembers me. When Nero took away my home, he didn’t just destroy my people he wiped my life from existence. I’m not just out of my time, I am out of my existence.”
Jim pushes himself up until he’s straddling Spock’s waist. “Do all Vulcans whine existentially?”
Spock looks up at Jim, for all the placidity of his face, Jim has no problem seeing the glare. “Vulcans do not whine.”
“And they do not lie either.” Jim grins.
“Indeed.” Spock’s hands move to press against Jim’s hips. His fingers brush in under the hem of Kirk’s shirt to find soft skin, skimming over the taut flesh.
Jim laughs as he moves his hands to the fastenings of Spock’s robe, agilely flicking them open. He pushed aside the layers to expose the Vulcan’s chest. His eyes were draw to the smattering of hair, grey age but still wiry under his fingers. He loved the feel of it, under his hands, rubbing against his cheek or grazing against his own chest. There was always a part of him, at these times, that was amazed at his physical attraction to the other man. He understood his mental and emotional love for the older Vulcan, but before he met Spock, his hedonistic ways always lead him to seek out the young and pretty.
The look Spock sent him was so self-assured and confident. It was such a turn-on for Jim, to have a lover that understood his own value. All that confidence and control, he had originally read it as cold confidence. Indeed, sometimes when he looked at his first officer he still thought the same thing. But he’d learnt differently. So many assumed Vulcans were an emotionless species, but that was far from the truth. Vulcans felt things with a deep passion, probably deeper than the human species. It was that very depth that had lead them to develop such control, without it they would be ravaged by the emotional savagery of their species.
However, now it was that control that Jim decided to destroy. He leant down, brushing his lips across Spock’s chest, light and teasing. He would take and tease, driving Spock to the edges of his restraint. He would kiss and nibble, let his body rub and grind. He’d peel away the layers of cloth that separated them as in turn peeling away Spock’s defences. His tongue and fingers would find their way to places untouched since their last meeting, making Spock growl and hiss until finally the celebrated control would snap. Then, and only then would Kirk get what he craved, the power and possessive dominance of his lover.
It was savage, and there was a hint, an echo of violence in Spock’s possession of him. But no matter how strong Spock was, no matter how driven by need, Jim never feared when he was in his lover’s hands. Even as Spock drove into him, his hands clawing at Jim’s skin, buried into his flesh, there was always a tenderness, a devotion to his bondmate. As he cried out, whimpering with fists wrapped in the sheet under him, he still felt more cherished, more wanted than any other time in his life. Spock’s power, never diminished by age, was never used against him, never used to make him feel weak and unworthy.
They lay together, sheets twisted uncomfortably around them. Jim kicked at his feet, weakly and ineffectually trying to untangle them from the sheets. He huffed in annoyance before sinking back against Spock. His head laid on the older man’s chest, the skin slick with sweat against his cheek as he listened to the soft pound of Spock’s heart against his ear.
“I know you,” he whispered against Spock’s chest. The only answer was the feel of a soft curl of lips against his hair.
**
The first thing Jim was aware of was muffled noises overlaid with the annoyance of a constant beeping rhythm. He pried his eyes open only to instantly regret it as the bright light brought his thrumming headache into sharp awareness. It took him a moment to recognise he was back on the Enterprise and in sickbay. The rest came quickly back after that. It seems politely declining the offer of the President’s daughter was a bad move, considering it resulted in a spear thrust completely through his body. Funny he had thought the spear in the President’s hand had been solely decoratively symbolic.
“I see you’re awake.”
The gruff words drew Jim’s attention and he turned his head to see his Chief Medical Officer standing near his bed. It didn’t take much effort to realise Bones was upset and probably angry. His usual slouch was replaced by a rigid posture and the hard edge to his eyes made Jim quickly scan for the danger that was a hypospray.
“Hey Bones, how you doing?” Jim grinned playfully as his friend.
“Don’t even fucking try,” came the snarled response.
“Come on Bones, this was hardly my fault, it’s not like I could have married the girl.”
“It didn’t stop you flirting.”
“She was only a kid.” Jim huffed. “And besides we needed to get them to agree to trade negotiations, it seemed to be helping.”
“Until you dishonoured his name and he turned you into a shish kebab. This is starting to get ridiculous, you’ve really got to start dealing with this, this death wish of yours.”
“This what what of mine?” Jim pulled himself up on the bio-bed, ignoring the sharp pain in his gut. “What the fuck, Bones?”
“You’re reckless self-sacrificing behaviour, your dangerous idiotic decisions,” McCoy’s hand flicked towards Jim to indicate the almost fatal wound. “And your dysfunctional relationship with Ambassador Spock.”
Jim ignored the comments about his reckless and idiotic behaviour; they had had those arguments before and were bound to do so again. However, Bones adding Spock to that list made Kirk see red.
“What has Spock got to do with this? My relationship with him is hardly some kind of death wish.”
“Not directly, although you never know with Vulcans. But Jim you’ve got issues, and no matter how many times you smooth talk your way through evals, we both know what those issues are about.”
Kirk looked at Bones with shock and hurt. Since he met Bones on that first day, the other man had become a close friend. No one except for Spock, knew as much about Jim and his life. It was information gathered, not just from drunken ramblings, but also sincere conversations when Kirk, compared one time too many to his dead hero of a father had considered quitting the academy, or the day Bones had found him in the dorm when the rest of the cadets were showing family and loved ones around the grounds. He had trusted Bones with parts of himself, and now he felt like his friend was throwing that trust back in his face.
“So you’re going to declare me unfit for command?” Jim’s voice turned icy.
Bones stared at him for a long moment, before letting go of a dramatic sigh. “No, but Jim, you have to see that this relationship isn’t healthy. You’ve spent your life without a father, without the praise and guidance of a strong male figure in your life. While it’s understandable that you would enjoy that aspect of your ... relationship with Ambassador Spock, I worry about what you are doing to gain it.”
“And what am I doing to gain it, Doctor?” Jim asked in a clipped tone.
“You deserve respect, you deserve praise and recognition. You are a damn good captain, regardless of the pre-mentioned reckless idiotic behaviour. You do not have to purchase those things with your body Jim, you should never have had to do that. You don’t have to sell yourself, your body to gain a small moment of acknowledgement. You’ve stopped using defiance as simply a way to claim your existence, and you’ve learnt how to stand before Pike as a man, an equal, not a love starved child. But you need to see what you are doing with Spock, and stop fooling yourself by calling it love.”
“Don’t you fucking dare! Don’t you use the little you know about me and twist what I have with Spock into some perverted re-enactment. You’re wrong, wrong about me, wrong about him. You don’t have a fucking clue about what we have!”
“Jim-“ Bones started, trying to keep his voice placating.
“No. Leave me alone. I swear, Bones, just fucking leave me alone.” Jim curled his hands into fists, refusing to look at his friend. He barely restrained himself from leaping from his sickbed and beating his CMO’s face to a bloody pulp as the rage boiled inside him.
Three days later Jim had been released from the infirmary. He still hadn’t really spoken to Bones, and what conversations they had were solely professional, but even then the conversations were stilted and uncomfortable. He felt Bones had betrayed their friendship and made judgements that were unjustified and hurtful. He wasn’t about to deny he had issues, he was self-aware enough to know his own faults. Indeed much of what Bones had said had been true. He joined StarFleet because Pike had shown him attention, challenged him. Much of his insubordination at the Academy had been that of a child revelling in the attention gained by negative behaviour. But he’d changed, grown. His captaincy of the Enterprise had been proof of that, likewise his relationship with Spock.
He had been put on light duties only for two weeks. It had irritated him at the time, after all, how much energy did it take to sit in the comm. chair on deck. But after 2 hours of working through the paperwork he started to think Bones had a point. He was tired and the ache in his gut, where the spear had skewered him was starting to become impossible to ignore. He hated giving into what he perceived was a weakness. But without the buzz of adrenalin that a crisis would have given him, he was unable to just pretend he wasn’t nursing an injury.
He was just about to give up, push aside the PADDs waiting his attention and collapse onto his bed when the comm. beeped indicating Uhura patching through a communication. Since Uhura had not announced it first, giving the Captain time to prepare, physically and mentally, it would be of a personal nature. He took a moment to straighten himself before hitting the button to accept the transmission.
“You really should tell me how you do this.” Kirk smiled as Spock’s face appeared on the screen.
“Where would be the fun in that?” Spock smiled back at him, although Jim could see the concern etched in Spock’s eyes.
“I’m fine Spock, Bones was there to patch me up in his usual expert manner.”
“There may come a time when he is unable to put you back together.”
“Is that what happened with him?” Jim’s question was met with nothing but silence. After a moment Jim shook his head and continued. “Fine, keep your secrets, old man. I’m fine, will be back on full duty in a week or so.”
“Is that the Doctor’s prescription or your interpretation of it?”
Jim smiled. “Perhaps a little of both.”
“You look tired Jim.”
“A little, I have gotten used to sharing my bed with Vulcan warmth.”
“My apologies for not being available to fulfil that need. But there is more than this issue.”
It wasn’t a question and again Jim was hit by how well Spock truly knew him. Sometimes Spock’s ability to read him so well left Jim feeling exposed and vulnerable, unable to use his normal defences to deflect the attention. Which he had come to realise often Spock’s intention.
“Bones and I had an argument.”
Spock actually laughed in response. “What have you done to annoy the good Doctor now?”
“What makes you think it was my fault?” Jim grumbled.
“Because I know you, and Doctor McCoy’s fiery temper is one consistent of both our time lines.”
Kirk smiled despite himself, Bones temper was legendary, and the idea that even the changes in the timeline hadn’t altered that amused and pleased him. Then he shook his head, growing serious again. “Well this time you are wrong, McCoy made a number of conclusions that were far from the truth.”
Spock only replied with a raised eyebrow. It made Jim wonder about the mystical quality of Vulcan eyebrows, they seemed to be unable to resist. “It seems the good Doctor thinks I am only with you because of my childhood issues.”
“Is he wrong?” Spock asked calmly.
“Of course he’s fucking wrong!” Jim yelled angrily at the screen. “How can you ask that, how can you even consider what I feel for you isn’t real?”
“I did not state any question of the validity of our feelings for each other Jim,” Spock replied with serene calmness. It made Jim want to reach through the screen and shake him. “But it can also be said we are all products of our own history. Your father’s death, your relationship with your step-father, the events of Tarsus IV, they all shaped you Jim, for good and bad.”
Jim closed his eyes for a moment, willing the memories to remain dormant. “So, then, you only think I love you because I’m somehow damaged.”
“Or perhaps your ability to love is even more miraculous considering what you have had to fight through. It is that love and sense of loyalty that will let you see that Doctor McCoy only wishes the best for you, and that love will allow you to find your peace with your friend.”
“You seem pretty certain.”
“That is because I know you T'hy'la. You value your friendship with Bones beyond nearly everything else and you will not allow one simple misunderstanding to destroy it.”
Jim dropped his head to the desk infront of him, muttering against it. “I hate you.”
“That grieves me deeply.” Spock commented solemnly.
“Stop laughing at me, you bastard,” Kirk growled, even as he felt his lips twitch. “Maybe I should have agreed to marry the President’s daughter after all.”
“What?” It was Spock’s turn to growl. Jim looked up to see the possessive glint in Spock’s eyes. It sent a thrill down his spine. If anyone had told him how possessive and dominant Vulcans were to their loved ones 18 months ago he would have laughed at them. Like most humans he viewed the Vulcan race as cold and detached. Now he knew better, and every time he witnessed it directed at him he felt that thrill run through him.
Jim raised his hands placating. He proceeded to tell Spock of the latest mission to lead to him under medical care. He made sure to stress the fact the girl was barely of age and play down his flirting. It wasn’t that he thought Spock would be threatened by the behaviour, but Jim didn’t want to even plant a seed that may lead Spock to doubt his loyalty and commitment. Their conversation drifted and changed, brushing over activities in their own lives, comfortable and intimate.
“I really do miss you in my bed” Jim said softly as the tiredness of his body started to catch up on him.
“I know, and I also desire our situation would be different. But we must accept the situation for what it is.”
“A pain in the arse?”
“Indeed.”
Jim smiled sleepily. “I’ll have a talk with Bones, get him to understand.”
“I never doubted it.”
**
“He’s not him you know?” Spock said in lieu of a greeting.
“I am aware.” The Ambassador didn’t take his eyes off the preparations taking place below him.
“There is no logical reason for you to pursue this relationship, other than to try to relive a past experience.”
“Love is often not logical Spock.” The Ambassador smiled quietly still watching workers set up the stage for the evening’s ceremony. “But my relationship with Jim does not simply mirror my past relationship with him.”
“So this is wish fulfilment?”
Ambassador Spock turned to look at his younger self. His expression was more amused than angry as he studied him. “I have to wonder if I was this closed to possibilities when I was your age.”
Spock met his comment with a raised eyebrow. To Spock’s annoyance the Ambassador only laughed. “I find your displays of emotion unsettling.”
“Our emotions are part of who we are Spock. There is a way to be Vulcan but still honour the heritage of our mother.” The Ambassador knew calling upon Amanda was a low blow, but as Jim kept saying he would be sneaky if it served his purposes.
“And which side are you listening to in your relationship with the Captain, you must be aware you can not give him a lifetime. I find your decision selfish and possibly harmful.”
The Ambassador felt his lips twitch a little. Instead of being offended by Spock’s judgement, it delighted him. When he sent Kirk back to the Enterprise all that time ago, he knew that Spock and him needed the time to learn to work together, to develop trust and over time friendship. He had worried that his own relationship with Jim Kirk would interfere in the development of the friendship between Jim and his younger self. He could see now in Spock’s defence of his Captain, the seeds of what will one day be the most important friendship of this time were growing.
“I am aware,” the Ambassador smiled. “But as you are most likely equally aware, the Captain is a stubborn determined man, and little can change his mind when he is set upon something. Neither of us entered into this relationship lightly, or without full cognisance of what the future will probably entail.”
Spock silently turned to study the work that had held the Ambassador’s attention. “This situation makes me uncomfortable,” he admits quietly.
“I do not see why. As you stated earlier, he is not the Jim of my time, nor, therefore, am I the you of this time. It is therefore illogical to think my bond with him will affect the friendship between you both.”
“You are involved in a sexual relationship with him.”
“Indeed.” The Ambassador’s expression for just a moment reflected his human heritage as he thought of that very relationship. “Just as you are currently involved in a sexual relationship with Lieutenant Uhura.”
“That is irrelevant.”
“Perhaps, but likewise so is my relationship with Captain Kirk.” The Ambassador retorted sharply. “I was not looking to Jim as a substitute for the one from my time, but I can also guarantee you that he is not doing the same.”
The Ambassador was pretty sure he spotted the green tinge of a blush as Spock tensed. He had always wondered if Spock shared his attraction to the Captain and if time and circumstances had been different their relationship would move into something deeper. He had tried in the beginning to suggest to Jim that he should turn his attraction towards his younger counterpart, but Jim had remained firm. Spock, he had said, was in a committed relationship with Uhura and although his first officer respected his command, the beginnings of a friendship were tenuous at best. But now the Ambassador had to wonder if Spock’s objections were more personal than even he would admit.
The Ambassador had to fight down his own possessive response. “Your reaction to me taking Jim as a bondmate do not appear completely logical, I must wonder if there is a degree of jealousy to your objections.”
“I am a Vulcan, we do not indulge in jealousy.”
The Ambassador silently forced Spock to turn and look at him. His expression challenged the younger man to deny the propriety responsible Vulcans had for those they cared about. He waited a moment until Spock bowed his head in acknowledgement.
“The Captain is a friend.” Spock spoke quietly.
The Ambassador smiled slightly, acknowledging the words with a silent head bow. “Yes. He is, and always will be. What we share does not diminish what you mean to him Spock.”
Jim entered into his hotel room, a shiny metal glittering on the chest of his dress uniform. It made him puff his chest slightly and increase the swagger in his walk. Many had claimed his defeat of Nero had been little more than a fluke. Their distracters had sat back and watched, waiting for the Enterprise’s young crew to falter. But in the end they had proven themselves, stepping up to defend the federation and being responsible for forging allegiances where others might have failed. For all Jim was happy to wear the medal on his chest, he was most proud of his crews achievement and the acknowledgment they reached.
He shrugged off his dress jacket and tossed it on the chair before heading out to the balcony. He spotted Spock leaning on the railing looking out over the harbour. It was a warm evening, with only a slight breeze coming off the water. With a soft smile, Jim moved up behind his lover, leaning in against the wiry strength of the Vulcan. He felt the welcoming relaxing of Spock’s body against his own as he slipped his arm around his waist.
“Nice night.” Jim purred in Spock’s ear.
“Indeed.” Spock’s voice rumbled pleasantly as Kirk’s hand slipped in through Spock’s robes. “I was very proud of you tonight.”
“Only tonight?” Jim asked with amusement, his fingers finding the soft stomach under the robes. He let his fingers play causing a soft laugh from Spock.
“You always make me proud, you should know this by now.” Spock’s voice turned serious. “You do not need to prove your worth, especially to me.”
Jim smiled and pressed his lips to Spock’s neck. “Perhaps we should celebrate. Would you like to make the recipient of a Medal of Honor scream your name?”
Spock’s laugh came out as more of an aroused growl than he attended. It never stopped being surprising how quickly Jim could bring lust raging in Spock. He had assumed that his later years would be more sedate, but of course that was before saving a certain Captain in an ice cave on Delta Vega. He slid out from Jim’s embrace and offered him his hand. Smiling when he felt the cold gasp, he lead the young Captain back inside.
“You have achieved so much,” Spock murmured as he slowly started to strip Jim from his StarFleet uniform. “More than anyone could expect or require from you.”
Jim simply nodded as Spock divested him of the layers of clothing, his hands caressing skin, setting sparks of pleasure to sizzle under his skin. His own hands came to life, moving to undress Spock, suddenly in need of Spock’s skin against his. As soon as possible, he pressed in against Spock, gasping at the firm warmth of the Vulcan’s chest against his own. The gasp seemed enough of an invitation for Spock to capture Jim’s mouth in a heated kiss.
After a long delicious moment Spock stepped back, pulling Kirk with him towards the bed. Jim didn’t need much convincing to spread himself out on the bed. Looking up at Spock, Jim ran his hand over his body in a wanton display. The cocky grin formed as he continued his performance, noting the reactions he was causing in his bondmate. When Jim wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it with long slow motions, he saw the flare of lust in Spock’s eyes.
“So beautiful,” Spock growled. “And mine.”
Before he could respond, Jim found himself underneath Spock, his body pressing him down into the mattress. Spock effortlessly pinned the younger man to the bed, bringing his lips down to feast on Jim’s neck and shoulder. Each bite and lick made Jim lurch up, grinding himself into Spock’s taut body. The brush of skin and the exquisite glide of erections made both men shudder and pull apart to gasp with need.
“God, Spock,” Jim panted. “Please.”
Spock nodded, releasing Jim’s hands as he sucked lightly on the rapid pulse point. The pleasure sparked by those lips distracted him from Spock’s movement until he felt himself breached by two slick fingers. Feeling himself stretched open, Jim forced himself down, trying to impale himself more on the intruding digits. The initial burn quickly faded driving Jim’s need for more, for the burn and stretch of Spock filling him, possessing him.
“Now, please,” Jim pleaded. Spock gave him a questioning look, but Jim only nodded. “It’s enough, it’s ok, please Spock.”
The Vulcan nodded, pulling Jim’s legs up and apart until they rested against his hips. He felt Spock push into him, torturously slow, his body opening to the stretch of Spock’s cock buried inside of him. His legs tightened as he tilted his hips, letting Spock sink balls deep into him. Both men gasped at the sensation, stilling in the moment. Their eyes met and Jim gave a soft nod, his eyes full of trust and love. He watched Spock’s eyes fall shut, knowing the depth of emotions sometimes became overwhelming for his Vulcan lover, but when they again opened onto his, Jim saw nothing but the love and trust reflected back.
Spock gently raised his hand, fitting them softly onto Jim’s cheek. “My mind to your mind,” Spock whispered reverently.
“My thoughts to your thoughts” Jim echoed back.
In that moment the bond flared. Jim felt connected to Spock more than he had ever been with anyone else. The physical and emotional connection had always been there, but now they seemed more as one person than individuals. The pleasure thrumming through them both circled onto each other, building its intensity. This pleasure urged them forward, making the bodies rock together, driving them into higher peeks.
As the physical pleasure began to crescendo, Jim was suddenly overwhelmed by emotions. He could feel the sudden rush emanating from Spock, the mind meld showing the depth of love Spock carried for him. Spock had often told him, in words and actions just how much Jim meant to him, but in these moments, connected by so intimately Jim could not doubt or dismiss the truth of these feelings. He knew beyond questioning the love, admiration and pride Spock felt for him, he also knew his annoyance at Jim’s reckless endangerment, and the fear of not being there to protect his mate. The rush of knowledge became overwhelming, forcing unnoticed tears to fall as Jim struggled to find the words to return the sentiment.
He grasped onto Spock’s shoulders as their bodies’ movements became more wild and erratic. He pushed up sharply against Spock, causing his aching cock to grind against the Vulcan’s stomach. The added pressure was enough, the sensations accumulating to the point where Jim arched violently screaming out Spock’s name. The feel of Jim’s orgasm, physically tightening around him and the burst of pleasure erupting through the meld pushed Spock into his own release.
When Jim’s mind began to clear he found himself pillowed against Spock’s chest. The older man was idly playing with Jim’s short hair as he held him close. The mind-meld always seemed to leave them clingy, needing the physical closeness once the mental one had been closed. The bond remained, but it was more vague and abstract.
“I am so proud to call you T'hy'la” Spock whispered against Jim’s temple.
Fandom: StarTrek XI
Pairing: Kirk/SpockPrime
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 7713
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Star Trek, and receive no financial gain from playing with the ideas, characters and concepts involved.
Summary: As Captain Kirk develops an intimate relationship with Ambassador Spock, not everyone is comfortable with the idea.
“How come you never fucked, your me, the other me?” Jim didn’t even need to look up to know Spock’s face showed irritation at his choice of words. “Ok, I know this is more than just sex, so stop distracting me from the original question.”
Spock let out a soft noise, that Jim recognised as an amused snort. It still surprised him how well he could read his lover, especially when he still struggled so much to read his first officer. At one point they were the same man, but now, life had sent them down different paths.
“The Jim I used to know, was a great man, and my best friend.” Spock’s fingers trace down Jim’s back. “But I never wanted him sexually, perhaps it is the differences in you that have lead me to this attraction.”
Jim lifted his head to look at Spock. “You want me because I am damaged?”
Spock pushed his head off the pillow to press a kiss against Jim’s forehead. “I love you because for all the broken edges, you are still brave, strong and beautiful. You are not simply a replacement of an old friend T'hy'la, my feelings are specifically for you.”
Jim frowned at the compliment, but laid his head back against Spock’s shoulder. “It’s just, he’s such a hero in your eyes, and I’m... well not.”
This time Spock did laugh, a soft rumble of amusement. “Jim Kirk was infuriating, reckless, and emotional. He frustrated me no end.”
Jim snickered against Spock’s skin. “So nothing like me?”
Spock raised an eyebrow, but there was the faint smile on his lips. “My point is, Jim Kirk became a hero because of the same attributes that lead you to become the Captain of the Enterprise. You are not failing to measure up, for I will never measure you against him.”
“You know, you didn’t really answer my original question.”
“Did I not?”
Jim rolled his eyes, snuggling in against Spock, his arm snaking around the other man’s waist.
**
Kirk collapsed on his bed, weakly trying to toe off his boots. He was exhausted, mentally as well as physically. The last three days had been long and painful. The distress call they had received had turned out to be a fraud, not a request of help from a Federation ship, but a trap that had ensnared them. His ship had taken damage during the surprise attack and 10 crew members were still in the infirmary with varying degrees of injuries. One, Ensign Haramki, had lost his life. All Jim wanted to do was sleep for the next eight hours.
He frowned, cursing to himself, when the comm. channel started to beep at him. He was tempted to throw a boot at it and just roll over and go to sleep. But it could be the Admiral, Earth could be under attack, or any number of crises, so he pulled himself off the bed and staggered to his desk. Spock’s face flickered onto the screen when he switched it on.
“Spock.” Jim already felt himself lightening at the sight of his lover.
“I am glad to see you in one piece Captain.”
“Wow, Vulcan telepathy really is damn good.” Jim groaned. It infuriated Kirk sometimes, that Spock always seemed to know what was happening. But along with the irritation there was also a feeling of being cared for, and as much as he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, that caring brought feelings of being safe and secure.
“I have my sources,” Spock stated with a certain amount of smugness. “So tell me how bad it is.”
Jim sighed, stretching out on his chair. “My baby is pretty beaten up, we are going to have to head to Nevis 5 for repairs. And,” Jim swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. “I’m going to have to write a letter to Haramki’s parents.”
“I know how hard it is for you to lose people Jim.” Spock’s voice softened.
“Especially since it was my fault!”
“Jim -“
“No, don’t Jim me.” Kirk jumped to his feet, all the exhaustion getting burnt away but the self-anger. “I should never have stepped into that trap, should never have just trusted the signal.”
“The distress signal was on a valid code Jim, you couldn’t have known.” Spock’s voice was calm, which only angered Jim more.
“Damnit Spock! I’m the one in charge, I’m the one responsible for all these lives, I can’t just make mistakes!”
“You didn’t do anything wrong Jim, you followed Starfleet procedure.”
“You sound like my First Officer.”
“Well there is a reason for that, considering...” Spock’s lip twitched in a suppressed grin.
“Don’t!” Jim laughed, slumping back into the chair. “I don’t want to think about that, I have to work with the damn guy. Can you...”
“I’ll be there when you arrive.”
Jim smiled through the monitor, grateful that not only was Spock always there to offer comfort when he needed it, but also didn’t force Jim to ask. “I love you.”
“Love you too, T'hy'la. Now off to bed, you look exhausted.
**
“You would think he had more self-respect, or at least more respect for his command.” Uhura grumbled reaching for her drink.
Gaila laughed when she followed Uhura’s sight line to see Kirk sitting in the corner of the bar with the elder Vulcan. “You’re one to talk, aren’t you involved with a Vulcan as well?”
“That’s not what the problem, I’m not some xenophobe.”
“Then what?” Gaila flicked her gaze between the two men and back to Uhura, confused at the annoyance in her friend’s voice.
“They are men!” Uhura spat.
“God yes they are.” Gaila purred.
Uhura snorted at her friend for a minute then returned to watching the men. They were just sitting quietly talking, but Uhura could see the connection the men shared. “They are men... together.”
“Oh yeah.” Gaila giggled until she saw the look of disgust on her friend’s face. “You’re serious? You’re people don’t approve of homosexual behaviour?”
“Some do, ok, most do. But I don’t, ok, my family brought me up right, sex should not happen between the same gender. It’s just wrong and the Captain shouldn’t be doing that.”
“So are you going to put in for a transfer?”
“What? No way, the Enterprise is the flagship, why should I suffer because of the Captain’s perversion.”
Gaila liked Uhura, ever since they roomed together in the Academy. It was unusual for Orion women to gain friendship of other woman. But there were times when the Earth woman confused and more than slightly annoyed her. She’d learnt very early in coming to Earth that a lot of its people had conservative views about sexuality, and she’d discovered Uhura was more repressed than most. But this hatred she saw, simply based on the genders of the people involved confused her more than anything else.
“I put in an anonymous complaint, but Kirk is the Admiral’s golden haired boy, so it’s unlikely to do any good. I just will have to put up with it.”
Gaila glanced at the two men again, then back to Uhura. “Yeah, if you want a career at Starfleet.”
The insistent beeping of the comm. screen calls Kirk from sleep. He drags himself off the bed, his hand skimming over Spock’s shoulder before grabbing his pants from where they have laid, discarded earlier in a desperate need for skin. His eyes flick at the play of muscles on Spock’s back. Sometimes it irritates Kirk that even though his lover is older than dirt, old enough, literally, to be his great grandfather, the man’s body is so strong, muscular, that even the sight of it can draw a reaction from Kirk’s sated, sleepy body.
When Admiral Pike’s face appears on the comm. screen, Kirk really wishes he’d found his shirt before answering. “Admiral?” Kirk hopes he’s not blushing when he snaps to attention.
“Kirk, my apologies for the lateness of the communication, but it has come to my attention that your relationship is bringing your command into question.”
Kirk bristles. “My private relationship, Admiral?”
“You are the Captain of Starfleet’s flagship Jim, who you sleep with reflects against Starfleet.” Pike’s voice was calm, non-accusatory.
“Sir, I thought Spock was held in great regard by Starfleet.”
Pike bristles. “You are in a sexual relationship with your First Officer?”
Kirk thinks he’s going to choke. “God no! I mean, no Sir, not Commander Spock, I’m in a private relationship with Ambassador Spock.”
“Oh,” it was Pike’s turn to look embarrassed. If the situation was different, Kirk would have found it terribly amusing. But this was his life, his relationship that was being dragged up here. “I did not realise, I mean, Admiral Spock, I do not see how Starfleet can see that is jeopardising your command.”
“Well that’s just dandy, Sir.” Kirk responded with his best sarcastic voice. “I must have forgotten the part of my contract to Starfleet that said I needed command approval before I pulled my dick out of my pants.”
“Captain!” Pike snapped.
“No Admiral, I’m the Captain of the USS Enterprise, I am an intelligent man, I’m not some fool that would sleep with a Klingon or Romulan spy for god’s sake. I am in a relationship with a man that in another time line was a hero of the Federation, and in this timeline played an integral part in the prevention of the destruction of Earth. He’s not a threat to Federation security, and personally I don’t give a damn, so unless you’re asking for my resignation Sir, you can all get out of my private life.”
“Jim -“ Before he could finish his sentence, Kirk leaned over and turned off the comm. link. He was angry, and a little bit hurt by the conversation. He’d come to like and respect Pike, and if he was honest with himself, there was a small part of him that looked upon the Admiral as a surrogate father-figure. But he was not willing to sit there and listen to his Admiral or his friend dictating who he could love, who he could have sex with.
He sat quietly in the dark for a while, calming his natural instinct to put his fist through a wall. The irony was, his ability to curtail the reckless violence he used to face the world with came from two men in his life. Pike who had seen something in him, challenged him to be a better man, to strive for better, and Spock, who had seen the man he could be, had once been, and would be.
“Jim?” The voice was soft in the background.
“How much did you hear?”
“Enough.”
“Well, fuck them all.”
“I would prefer you didn’t.”
“Possessive?”
“Actually... yes.” Spock’s voice had dropped, developed a hard tone.
Kirk couldn’t resist the grin, the ease of tension. He climbed back onto the bed, straddling Spock’s waist. “So you want to claim me? Mark me as yours?”
“I thought I already had.” Spock’s fingers brushed over the slight brush on Jim’s collarbone, and then with an act of strength, that Kirk would never admit to finding incredibly hot, Spock flipped him until he was lying on the bed, his elderly lover plastered to him. “But perhaps you should have more before you return to your ship.”
**
Kirk growled as he collapsed on his bed. He had the best crew in all of Starfleet; he didn’t question their loyalty. He also knew, as their Captain he had their respect, but the last few weeks he’d come to realise as a man, he’d become the subject of derisive gossip. He’d done his best to ignore it, knowing any reaction showing he had overheard to comments would only add fuel to the fire. He could only hope it died down before it became an issue. Any starship was a small community, there was bound to be gossip circulating all the time, and as long as it did not directly affect the chains of command Kirk was willing to be the subject.
Being the subject of gossip, even derisive gossip, wasn’t exactly a new experience for Jim Kirk. He was hardly a man of virtue, and during his time at StarFleet Academy his name had been spoken equally with contempt and admiration. Sex, drunken bar fights, insubordination, all had at some point been attached to Kirk’s name, and he’d taken a degree of pride in the stories. Even those that had been grossly untrue, or in a couple of cases physically impossible, still amused him.
When he had first heard Chekov and Sulu talking, amusement had been the primary response. Chekov, little more than a kid really, had sounded so shocked, almost horrified when he talked in hushed tones about Spock’s age, wondering if the Vulcan was all wrinkles, sagging paper thin skin of the elderly. The idea made Kirk snort, Spock’s body carried the lines, wrinkles and scars of a life of many years, but it still held the power and beauty of someone actively fit. Not that Kirk would admit it outloud, but Spock, spread naked on his bed, was one of the most beautiful images Kirk had ever seen.
He had nearly choked when Sulu laughed, saying that the Captain probably calls Spock ‘Daddy’. Trying to keep his drink from being snorted out his nose, Kirk almost missed the horrified, embarrassed look on Chekov’s face. As Sulu tried to explain the joys of daddy!kink to the teenaged Ensign, Jim pictured calling Spock Daddy. The idea was almost amusing enough to try, but then Kirk didn’t want to end up sleeping on the couch, and really, he did want to continuing having sex. So no matter how hot Spock looked when he got infuriated with him, Jim wasn’t such a complete idiot to call Spock Daddy.
It wasn’t really the teasing gossip that had him pounding his pillow tonight. As age gaps went Kirk knew he was raising the bar with this relationship. But when people looked at that gap and saw it as negating any true feeling it made Kirk want to hurt someone. Since, they decided it couldn’t be love, they tried to work out the reason Kirk was involved with the Elder Vulcan. Theories ranged from Starfleet making him whore himself out so they could gain information about the future, to the idea that Kirk had issues from being an orphan and wanted a substitute father. He admitted the last one made him smirk, he might not have had a father but he was pretty sure you didn’t spend hours sucking and licking their cocks.
The one he’d heard tonight had angered him the most. He’d entered the sick bay, bored he’d thought he could amuse himself by bugging the hell out of Bones until the man threw him out. It was then that he heard two nurses talking in hushed tones. Not surprisingly, anymore, he was the topic of the conversation. However it wasn’t what they were saying about him that had brought up so much anger. Instead, he stood there, listening to them discuss Vulcan mind melds, and the probability that Ambassador Spock had raped the Captain. The only reason, the nurse said, that someone like the Captain would be with such an old wizened man was if Spock had invaded his mind, taken it by force and destroyed Kirk’s will. She talked about Spock like a vile predator, and Kirk as his helpless victim. Jim had turned and headed to his quarters before he did something he’d have regretted.
When Jim got to his quarters he found Ambassador Spock sprawled on his bed, a pillow pressed over his head. Jim could only laugh, it was so unlike the Vulcan composure he was used to. At the sound of his laughter, Spock lifted half the pillow to glare at Jim, before dropping the pillow back into place. Kirk kicked off his boots and climbed up onto the bed. At the feel of the bed sag with the added weight of his bondmate, Spock instinctively moved to accommodate him.
“How was your trip?” Jim murmured as he snuggled into Spock’s warmth.
Spock made a muffled snort in response.
“You know, conversation is easier when you’re not trying to suffocate yourself.” Jim reached for the pillow and tossed it to the floor. As soon as it was gone, Spock moved to tug Jim closer, pillowing his head on Spock’s chest. “That bad?”
“The flight was adequate and uneventful.”
“Stop being obtuse, it doesn’t become you, and it definitely doesn’t work with me. You know what I’m asking.” Kirk raised his eyes to fix a challenging look on Spock.
Spock let out his breath in a rush of air. “I spent four days on a shuttle with Ambassador Sarek, a man who is, or once was my father. He is a man half my age, and a father to someone different. It is awkward for me to be around him, to hold my own memories of the man. All that I am, it reminds me, now no longer exists. My experiences will never happen, my life, and therefore my self no longer exist.”
“You’ll still Spock.” Jim presses his lips to Spock’s chest.
“Am I? It is not just that no one remembers me. When Nero took away my home, he didn’t just destroy my people he wiped my life from existence. I’m not just out of my time, I am out of my existence.”
Jim pushes himself up until he’s straddling Spock’s waist. “Do all Vulcans whine existentially?”
Spock looks up at Jim, for all the placidity of his face, Jim has no problem seeing the glare. “Vulcans do not whine.”
“And they do not lie either.” Jim grins.
“Indeed.” Spock’s hands move to press against Jim’s hips. His fingers brush in under the hem of Kirk’s shirt to find soft skin, skimming over the taut flesh.
Jim laughs as he moves his hands to the fastenings of Spock’s robe, agilely flicking them open. He pushed aside the layers to expose the Vulcan’s chest. His eyes were draw to the smattering of hair, grey age but still wiry under his fingers. He loved the feel of it, under his hands, rubbing against his cheek or grazing against his own chest. There was always a part of him, at these times, that was amazed at his physical attraction to the other man. He understood his mental and emotional love for the older Vulcan, but before he met Spock, his hedonistic ways always lead him to seek out the young and pretty.
The look Spock sent him was so self-assured and confident. It was such a turn-on for Jim, to have a lover that understood his own value. All that confidence and control, he had originally read it as cold confidence. Indeed, sometimes when he looked at his first officer he still thought the same thing. But he’d learnt differently. So many assumed Vulcans were an emotionless species, but that was far from the truth. Vulcans felt things with a deep passion, probably deeper than the human species. It was that very depth that had lead them to develop such control, without it they would be ravaged by the emotional savagery of their species.
However, now it was that control that Jim decided to destroy. He leant down, brushing his lips across Spock’s chest, light and teasing. He would take and tease, driving Spock to the edges of his restraint. He would kiss and nibble, let his body rub and grind. He’d peel away the layers of cloth that separated them as in turn peeling away Spock’s defences. His tongue and fingers would find their way to places untouched since their last meeting, making Spock growl and hiss until finally the celebrated control would snap. Then, and only then would Kirk get what he craved, the power and possessive dominance of his lover.
It was savage, and there was a hint, an echo of violence in Spock’s possession of him. But no matter how strong Spock was, no matter how driven by need, Jim never feared when he was in his lover’s hands. Even as Spock drove into him, his hands clawing at Jim’s skin, buried into his flesh, there was always a tenderness, a devotion to his bondmate. As he cried out, whimpering with fists wrapped in the sheet under him, he still felt more cherished, more wanted than any other time in his life. Spock’s power, never diminished by age, was never used against him, never used to make him feel weak and unworthy.
They lay together, sheets twisted uncomfortably around them. Jim kicked at his feet, weakly and ineffectually trying to untangle them from the sheets. He huffed in annoyance before sinking back against Spock. His head laid on the older man’s chest, the skin slick with sweat against his cheek as he listened to the soft pound of Spock’s heart against his ear.
“I know you,” he whispered against Spock’s chest. The only answer was the feel of a soft curl of lips against his hair.
**
The first thing Jim was aware of was muffled noises overlaid with the annoyance of a constant beeping rhythm. He pried his eyes open only to instantly regret it as the bright light brought his thrumming headache into sharp awareness. It took him a moment to recognise he was back on the Enterprise and in sickbay. The rest came quickly back after that. It seems politely declining the offer of the President’s daughter was a bad move, considering it resulted in a spear thrust completely through his body. Funny he had thought the spear in the President’s hand had been solely decoratively symbolic.
“I see you’re awake.”
The gruff words drew Jim’s attention and he turned his head to see his Chief Medical Officer standing near his bed. It didn’t take much effort to realise Bones was upset and probably angry. His usual slouch was replaced by a rigid posture and the hard edge to his eyes made Jim quickly scan for the danger that was a hypospray.
“Hey Bones, how you doing?” Jim grinned playfully as his friend.
“Don’t even fucking try,” came the snarled response.
“Come on Bones, this was hardly my fault, it’s not like I could have married the girl.”
“It didn’t stop you flirting.”
“She was only a kid.” Jim huffed. “And besides we needed to get them to agree to trade negotiations, it seemed to be helping.”
“Until you dishonoured his name and he turned you into a shish kebab. This is starting to get ridiculous, you’ve really got to start dealing with this, this death wish of yours.”
“This what what of mine?” Jim pulled himself up on the bio-bed, ignoring the sharp pain in his gut. “What the fuck, Bones?”
“You’re reckless self-sacrificing behaviour, your dangerous idiotic decisions,” McCoy’s hand flicked towards Jim to indicate the almost fatal wound. “And your dysfunctional relationship with Ambassador Spock.”
Jim ignored the comments about his reckless and idiotic behaviour; they had had those arguments before and were bound to do so again. However, Bones adding Spock to that list made Kirk see red.
“What has Spock got to do with this? My relationship with him is hardly some kind of death wish.”
“Not directly, although you never know with Vulcans. But Jim you’ve got issues, and no matter how many times you smooth talk your way through evals, we both know what those issues are about.”
Kirk looked at Bones with shock and hurt. Since he met Bones on that first day, the other man had become a close friend. No one except for Spock, knew as much about Jim and his life. It was information gathered, not just from drunken ramblings, but also sincere conversations when Kirk, compared one time too many to his dead hero of a father had considered quitting the academy, or the day Bones had found him in the dorm when the rest of the cadets were showing family and loved ones around the grounds. He had trusted Bones with parts of himself, and now he felt like his friend was throwing that trust back in his face.
“So you’re going to declare me unfit for command?” Jim’s voice turned icy.
Bones stared at him for a long moment, before letting go of a dramatic sigh. “No, but Jim, you have to see that this relationship isn’t healthy. You’ve spent your life without a father, without the praise and guidance of a strong male figure in your life. While it’s understandable that you would enjoy that aspect of your ... relationship with Ambassador Spock, I worry about what you are doing to gain it.”
“And what am I doing to gain it, Doctor?” Jim asked in a clipped tone.
“You deserve respect, you deserve praise and recognition. You are a damn good captain, regardless of the pre-mentioned reckless idiotic behaviour. You do not have to purchase those things with your body Jim, you should never have had to do that. You don’t have to sell yourself, your body to gain a small moment of acknowledgement. You’ve stopped using defiance as simply a way to claim your existence, and you’ve learnt how to stand before Pike as a man, an equal, not a love starved child. But you need to see what you are doing with Spock, and stop fooling yourself by calling it love.”
“Don’t you fucking dare! Don’t you use the little you know about me and twist what I have with Spock into some perverted re-enactment. You’re wrong, wrong about me, wrong about him. You don’t have a fucking clue about what we have!”
“Jim-“ Bones started, trying to keep his voice placating.
“No. Leave me alone. I swear, Bones, just fucking leave me alone.” Jim curled his hands into fists, refusing to look at his friend. He barely restrained himself from leaping from his sickbed and beating his CMO’s face to a bloody pulp as the rage boiled inside him.
Three days later Jim had been released from the infirmary. He still hadn’t really spoken to Bones, and what conversations they had were solely professional, but even then the conversations were stilted and uncomfortable. He felt Bones had betrayed their friendship and made judgements that were unjustified and hurtful. He wasn’t about to deny he had issues, he was self-aware enough to know his own faults. Indeed much of what Bones had said had been true. He joined StarFleet because Pike had shown him attention, challenged him. Much of his insubordination at the Academy had been that of a child revelling in the attention gained by negative behaviour. But he’d changed, grown. His captaincy of the Enterprise had been proof of that, likewise his relationship with Spock.
He had been put on light duties only for two weeks. It had irritated him at the time, after all, how much energy did it take to sit in the comm. chair on deck. But after 2 hours of working through the paperwork he started to think Bones had a point. He was tired and the ache in his gut, where the spear had skewered him was starting to become impossible to ignore. He hated giving into what he perceived was a weakness. But without the buzz of adrenalin that a crisis would have given him, he was unable to just pretend he wasn’t nursing an injury.
He was just about to give up, push aside the PADDs waiting his attention and collapse onto his bed when the comm. beeped indicating Uhura patching through a communication. Since Uhura had not announced it first, giving the Captain time to prepare, physically and mentally, it would be of a personal nature. He took a moment to straighten himself before hitting the button to accept the transmission.
“You really should tell me how you do this.” Kirk smiled as Spock’s face appeared on the screen.
“Where would be the fun in that?” Spock smiled back at him, although Jim could see the concern etched in Spock’s eyes.
“I’m fine Spock, Bones was there to patch me up in his usual expert manner.”
“There may come a time when he is unable to put you back together.”
“Is that what happened with him?” Jim’s question was met with nothing but silence. After a moment Jim shook his head and continued. “Fine, keep your secrets, old man. I’m fine, will be back on full duty in a week or so.”
“Is that the Doctor’s prescription or your interpretation of it?”
Jim smiled. “Perhaps a little of both.”
“You look tired Jim.”
“A little, I have gotten used to sharing my bed with Vulcan warmth.”
“My apologies for not being available to fulfil that need. But there is more than this issue.”
It wasn’t a question and again Jim was hit by how well Spock truly knew him. Sometimes Spock’s ability to read him so well left Jim feeling exposed and vulnerable, unable to use his normal defences to deflect the attention. Which he had come to realise often Spock’s intention.
“Bones and I had an argument.”
Spock actually laughed in response. “What have you done to annoy the good Doctor now?”
“What makes you think it was my fault?” Jim grumbled.
“Because I know you, and Doctor McCoy’s fiery temper is one consistent of both our time lines.”
Kirk smiled despite himself, Bones temper was legendary, and the idea that even the changes in the timeline hadn’t altered that amused and pleased him. Then he shook his head, growing serious again. “Well this time you are wrong, McCoy made a number of conclusions that were far from the truth.”
Spock only replied with a raised eyebrow. It made Jim wonder about the mystical quality of Vulcan eyebrows, they seemed to be unable to resist. “It seems the good Doctor thinks I am only with you because of my childhood issues.”
“Is he wrong?” Spock asked calmly.
“Of course he’s fucking wrong!” Jim yelled angrily at the screen. “How can you ask that, how can you even consider what I feel for you isn’t real?”
“I did not state any question of the validity of our feelings for each other Jim,” Spock replied with serene calmness. It made Jim want to reach through the screen and shake him. “But it can also be said we are all products of our own history. Your father’s death, your relationship with your step-father, the events of Tarsus IV, they all shaped you Jim, for good and bad.”
Jim closed his eyes for a moment, willing the memories to remain dormant. “So, then, you only think I love you because I’m somehow damaged.”
“Or perhaps your ability to love is even more miraculous considering what you have had to fight through. It is that love and sense of loyalty that will let you see that Doctor McCoy only wishes the best for you, and that love will allow you to find your peace with your friend.”
“You seem pretty certain.”
“That is because I know you T'hy'la. You value your friendship with Bones beyond nearly everything else and you will not allow one simple misunderstanding to destroy it.”
Jim dropped his head to the desk infront of him, muttering against it. “I hate you.”
“That grieves me deeply.” Spock commented solemnly.
“Stop laughing at me, you bastard,” Kirk growled, even as he felt his lips twitch. “Maybe I should have agreed to marry the President’s daughter after all.”
“What?” It was Spock’s turn to growl. Jim looked up to see the possessive glint in Spock’s eyes. It sent a thrill down his spine. If anyone had told him how possessive and dominant Vulcans were to their loved ones 18 months ago he would have laughed at them. Like most humans he viewed the Vulcan race as cold and detached. Now he knew better, and every time he witnessed it directed at him he felt that thrill run through him.
Jim raised his hands placating. He proceeded to tell Spock of the latest mission to lead to him under medical care. He made sure to stress the fact the girl was barely of age and play down his flirting. It wasn’t that he thought Spock would be threatened by the behaviour, but Jim didn’t want to even plant a seed that may lead Spock to doubt his loyalty and commitment. Their conversation drifted and changed, brushing over activities in their own lives, comfortable and intimate.
“I really do miss you in my bed” Jim said softly as the tiredness of his body started to catch up on him.
“I know, and I also desire our situation would be different. But we must accept the situation for what it is.”
“A pain in the arse?”
“Indeed.”
Jim smiled sleepily. “I’ll have a talk with Bones, get him to understand.”
“I never doubted it.”
**
“He’s not him you know?” Spock said in lieu of a greeting.
“I am aware.” The Ambassador didn’t take his eyes off the preparations taking place below him.
“There is no logical reason for you to pursue this relationship, other than to try to relive a past experience.”
“Love is often not logical Spock.” The Ambassador smiled quietly still watching workers set up the stage for the evening’s ceremony. “But my relationship with Jim does not simply mirror my past relationship with him.”
“So this is wish fulfilment?”
Ambassador Spock turned to look at his younger self. His expression was more amused than angry as he studied him. “I have to wonder if I was this closed to possibilities when I was your age.”
Spock met his comment with a raised eyebrow. To Spock’s annoyance the Ambassador only laughed. “I find your displays of emotion unsettling.”
“Our emotions are part of who we are Spock. There is a way to be Vulcan but still honour the heritage of our mother.” The Ambassador knew calling upon Amanda was a low blow, but as Jim kept saying he would be sneaky if it served his purposes.
“And which side are you listening to in your relationship with the Captain, you must be aware you can not give him a lifetime. I find your decision selfish and possibly harmful.”
The Ambassador felt his lips twitch a little. Instead of being offended by Spock’s judgement, it delighted him. When he sent Kirk back to the Enterprise all that time ago, he knew that Spock and him needed the time to learn to work together, to develop trust and over time friendship. He had worried that his own relationship with Jim Kirk would interfere in the development of the friendship between Jim and his younger self. He could see now in Spock’s defence of his Captain, the seeds of what will one day be the most important friendship of this time were growing.
“I am aware,” the Ambassador smiled. “But as you are most likely equally aware, the Captain is a stubborn determined man, and little can change his mind when he is set upon something. Neither of us entered into this relationship lightly, or without full cognisance of what the future will probably entail.”
Spock silently turned to study the work that had held the Ambassador’s attention. “This situation makes me uncomfortable,” he admits quietly.
“I do not see why. As you stated earlier, he is not the Jim of my time, nor, therefore, am I the you of this time. It is therefore illogical to think my bond with him will affect the friendship between you both.”
“You are involved in a sexual relationship with him.”
“Indeed.” The Ambassador’s expression for just a moment reflected his human heritage as he thought of that very relationship. “Just as you are currently involved in a sexual relationship with Lieutenant Uhura.”
“That is irrelevant.”
“Perhaps, but likewise so is my relationship with Captain Kirk.” The Ambassador retorted sharply. “I was not looking to Jim as a substitute for the one from my time, but I can also guarantee you that he is not doing the same.”
The Ambassador was pretty sure he spotted the green tinge of a blush as Spock tensed. He had always wondered if Spock shared his attraction to the Captain and if time and circumstances had been different their relationship would move into something deeper. He had tried in the beginning to suggest to Jim that he should turn his attraction towards his younger counterpart, but Jim had remained firm. Spock, he had said, was in a committed relationship with Uhura and although his first officer respected his command, the beginnings of a friendship were tenuous at best. But now the Ambassador had to wonder if Spock’s objections were more personal than even he would admit.
The Ambassador had to fight down his own possessive response. “Your reaction to me taking Jim as a bondmate do not appear completely logical, I must wonder if there is a degree of jealousy to your objections.”
“I am a Vulcan, we do not indulge in jealousy.”
The Ambassador silently forced Spock to turn and look at him. His expression challenged the younger man to deny the propriety responsible Vulcans had for those they cared about. He waited a moment until Spock bowed his head in acknowledgement.
“The Captain is a friend.” Spock spoke quietly.
The Ambassador smiled slightly, acknowledging the words with a silent head bow. “Yes. He is, and always will be. What we share does not diminish what you mean to him Spock.”
Jim entered into his hotel room, a shiny metal glittering on the chest of his dress uniform. It made him puff his chest slightly and increase the swagger in his walk. Many had claimed his defeat of Nero had been little more than a fluke. Their distracters had sat back and watched, waiting for the Enterprise’s young crew to falter. But in the end they had proven themselves, stepping up to defend the federation and being responsible for forging allegiances where others might have failed. For all Jim was happy to wear the medal on his chest, he was most proud of his crews achievement and the acknowledgment they reached.
He shrugged off his dress jacket and tossed it on the chair before heading out to the balcony. He spotted Spock leaning on the railing looking out over the harbour. It was a warm evening, with only a slight breeze coming off the water. With a soft smile, Jim moved up behind his lover, leaning in against the wiry strength of the Vulcan. He felt the welcoming relaxing of Spock’s body against his own as he slipped his arm around his waist.
“Nice night.” Jim purred in Spock’s ear.
“Indeed.” Spock’s voice rumbled pleasantly as Kirk’s hand slipped in through Spock’s robes. “I was very proud of you tonight.”
“Only tonight?” Jim asked with amusement, his fingers finding the soft stomach under the robes. He let his fingers play causing a soft laugh from Spock.
“You always make me proud, you should know this by now.” Spock’s voice turned serious. “You do not need to prove your worth, especially to me.”
Jim smiled and pressed his lips to Spock’s neck. “Perhaps we should celebrate. Would you like to make the recipient of a Medal of Honor scream your name?”
Spock’s laugh came out as more of an aroused growl than he attended. It never stopped being surprising how quickly Jim could bring lust raging in Spock. He had assumed that his later years would be more sedate, but of course that was before saving a certain Captain in an ice cave on Delta Vega. He slid out from Jim’s embrace and offered him his hand. Smiling when he felt the cold gasp, he lead the young Captain back inside.
“You have achieved so much,” Spock murmured as he slowly started to strip Jim from his StarFleet uniform. “More than anyone could expect or require from you.”
Jim simply nodded as Spock divested him of the layers of clothing, his hands caressing skin, setting sparks of pleasure to sizzle under his skin. His own hands came to life, moving to undress Spock, suddenly in need of Spock’s skin against his. As soon as possible, he pressed in against Spock, gasping at the firm warmth of the Vulcan’s chest against his own. The gasp seemed enough of an invitation for Spock to capture Jim’s mouth in a heated kiss.
After a long delicious moment Spock stepped back, pulling Kirk with him towards the bed. Jim didn’t need much convincing to spread himself out on the bed. Looking up at Spock, Jim ran his hand over his body in a wanton display. The cocky grin formed as he continued his performance, noting the reactions he was causing in his bondmate. When Jim wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it with long slow motions, he saw the flare of lust in Spock’s eyes.
“So beautiful,” Spock growled. “And mine.”
Before he could respond, Jim found himself underneath Spock, his body pressing him down into the mattress. Spock effortlessly pinned the younger man to the bed, bringing his lips down to feast on Jim’s neck and shoulder. Each bite and lick made Jim lurch up, grinding himself into Spock’s taut body. The brush of skin and the exquisite glide of erections made both men shudder and pull apart to gasp with need.
“God, Spock,” Jim panted. “Please.”
Spock nodded, releasing Jim’s hands as he sucked lightly on the rapid pulse point. The pleasure sparked by those lips distracted him from Spock’s movement until he felt himself breached by two slick fingers. Feeling himself stretched open, Jim forced himself down, trying to impale himself more on the intruding digits. The initial burn quickly faded driving Jim’s need for more, for the burn and stretch of Spock filling him, possessing him.
“Now, please,” Jim pleaded. Spock gave him a questioning look, but Jim only nodded. “It’s enough, it’s ok, please Spock.”
The Vulcan nodded, pulling Jim’s legs up and apart until they rested against his hips. He felt Spock push into him, torturously slow, his body opening to the stretch of Spock’s cock buried inside of him. His legs tightened as he tilted his hips, letting Spock sink balls deep into him. Both men gasped at the sensation, stilling in the moment. Their eyes met and Jim gave a soft nod, his eyes full of trust and love. He watched Spock’s eyes fall shut, knowing the depth of emotions sometimes became overwhelming for his Vulcan lover, but when they again opened onto his, Jim saw nothing but the love and trust reflected back.
Spock gently raised his hand, fitting them softly onto Jim’s cheek. “My mind to your mind,” Spock whispered reverently.
“My thoughts to your thoughts” Jim echoed back.
In that moment the bond flared. Jim felt connected to Spock more than he had ever been with anyone else. The physical and emotional connection had always been there, but now they seemed more as one person than individuals. The pleasure thrumming through them both circled onto each other, building its intensity. This pleasure urged them forward, making the bodies rock together, driving them into higher peeks.
As the physical pleasure began to crescendo, Jim was suddenly overwhelmed by emotions. He could feel the sudden rush emanating from Spock, the mind meld showing the depth of love Spock carried for him. Spock had often told him, in words and actions just how much Jim meant to him, but in these moments, connected by so intimately Jim could not doubt or dismiss the truth of these feelings. He knew beyond questioning the love, admiration and pride Spock felt for him, he also knew his annoyance at Jim’s reckless endangerment, and the fear of not being there to protect his mate. The rush of knowledge became overwhelming, forcing unnoticed tears to fall as Jim struggled to find the words to return the sentiment.
He grasped onto Spock’s shoulders as their bodies’ movements became more wild and erratic. He pushed up sharply against Spock, causing his aching cock to grind against the Vulcan’s stomach. The added pressure was enough, the sensations accumulating to the point where Jim arched violently screaming out Spock’s name. The feel of Jim’s orgasm, physically tightening around him and the burst of pleasure erupting through the meld pushed Spock into his own release.
When Jim’s mind began to clear he found himself pillowed against Spock’s chest. The older man was idly playing with Jim’s short hair as he held him close. The mind-meld always seemed to leave them clingy, needing the physical closeness once the mental one had been closed. The bond remained, but it was more vague and abstract.
“I am so proud to call you T'hy'la” Spock whispered against Jim’s temple.