Comments | fkficfest: Impasse, PG-13, Gen

deire in fkficfest

Impasse, PG-13, Gen

Jul 16, 2011 21:46

Title: Impasse
Author: Deire
Beta-Reader: Wiliqueen
Recipient: Amilyn
Prompt: STORY DICE! Either: Natalie and Janette in a hostage situation ( Read more... )

rating: teens and adults, character: natalie, game: 2011, author: deire, type: gen, genre: drama, character: janette

Comments 25

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deire July 22 2011, 19:56:36 UTC

Ty! : snicker: I can see her having it for a while.

"Though I am not sure about sense" brightknightie July 21 2011, 16:15:22 UTC

You have a brisk, crisp narrative style here! It keeps up the pace in a clear, easy-to-follow manner. With so much exciting action in a relatively small space, it's impressive to also have a complete backstory set-up in Natalie's awful day, and Janette's efforts with Annie. Your excellent opening line -- "Dr. Natalie Lambert had had the sort of evening that left her unusually unable to give a damn." -- made me smile at the swift combination of characterization and exposition.

(I notice that this Annie nearly shares a name with Janette's friend Anna from "A Fate Worse Than Death.")

>"He'd live longer, if he avoided making overprotective remarks."

This is so Natalie! :-) And yet, danger-prone Natalie would perhaps live longer herself if she didn't get intoxicated in vampire bars, bluff her way into cult compounds, and otherwise throw herself into peril. To her, it sometimes seems, even perfectly normal safety precautions look "overprotective." :-)

>"She hadn't had the skylight cover closed for the morning yet."Ah-ha!" I ( ... )

Re: "Though I am not sure about sense" deire July 22 2011, 19:55:11 UTC

Heh, well, havocthecat helped me brainstorm out how to make the hostage situation happen, so I can't claim all credit.

Re: "Though I am not sure about sense" brightknightie July 23 2011, 21:50:26 UTC

Applause to you both, in that case! :-)

Again, thank you for writing!

amilyn July 21 2011, 16:20:36 UTC

This is LOVELY. I think I missed when the skylight got *closed* (was that what Miklos did?) but I liked having it there. I don't think there is a SINGLE thing in canon to *negate* the presence of the skylight. :-)

I LOVE Janette scaring the piss out of the one baddie at the end. I like the tie-in with Janette as vampire-and-homeless-girls-den-mother from FWTD.

I love Janette's thoughts on Natalie...and the interaction of the two of them (I always love that), as well as Nat's Terrible Horrible Awful Really Bad Day that she's drowning at the Raven. You did a LOVELY job also on showing Janette trying to balance six different things, all of which have conflicting interests.

Thank you. This is LOVELY.

deire July 22 2011, 19:57:06 UTC

You are very welcome! Thank you for your kind words!

pj1228 July 21 2011, 17:19:05 UTC

I enjoyed reading this. Scenes with both most important women in Nick's life are just too rare.
I love the way you portrayed Janette, especially her reference to Schanke "She shuddered. The smell of souvlaki would linger for hours." is so Janette.

deire July 22 2011, 19:57:21 UTC

Hee! Thank you!

malinaldarose July 21 2011, 22:41:11 UTC

This is great! And with regard to the skylight, although it's likely that the Raven has dramatic lighting, I seem to recall some pretty strong shafts of light in some scenes.

deire July 22 2011, 19:57:40 UTC

Thank you! Huh, I'd have to go look at lighting.