Fox Rain
Title: Fox Rain
Pairing: Changmin/Junsu
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: G
Length: Ficlet
Warning: Character Death
Disclaimer: I don't own MinSu :(
Summary: There was sunshower the day of his funeral.
A/N: In Indonesia, it is believed that when there’s sunshower / fox rain, someone divine died and the sky is grieving for him.
02.07.13 | 11 am - Xia
There was sunshower the day he got admitted to the hospital.
He smiled at me as I entered the white-walled dull room that smelled of death and held out a hand, “Junsu-ah, you came.” He lied weakly on the ugly bed, wearing that highly unfashionable robe, leaning to the wall behind it. Sunshine fell through the window on his skin, making it paler than it already is, while we could hear the white noise of water droplets hitting the glass.
I blinked the burn on my eyes and smiled back. “Of course I did,” I smirked at him, “would I ever miss the satisfaction of seeing the almighty Shim defeated in bed?”
He laughed, and it sounded like it did years ago, when he laughed as he beat up my character at a game we were playing, as we lounged on the carpet of the dorm’s living room. It sounded like it did when he ruffled my hair despite of me being older, and kissed the top of my head, because he’s taller, because he can. It sounded like it did years ago…when he loved me.
Not for once when we were together had I seen him this pale, this weak. Changmin had always been the one to play though, dragging himself off bed even with 39-degree fever burning his body, insisting to come to practice. It was like seeing a different person, or maybe he is a different person after we part ways, I’d never know.
Suddenly, it was hard to breath.
“Glad to be of service, Hyung,” he replied, smiling wider when I took his hand and settled myself at the chair next to the bed.
I stared at the infusion on his hand that I held; the tube connected to it through a small pipe and the dripping clear liquid I had no idea of that flowed into his body. There were scary thoughts in my head that I suppressed, but the way Changmin held my hand seemed to confirm that he knew what I was thinking. He started talking about how funny it was that he just woke up to this beautiful sunny morning when suddenly the world swayed and blackened. How funny it was that yesterday he just sneaked out on Yunho and went out for pizza with Kyuhyun when suddenly…his result came out with 4th stadium cancer.
“It must be all those junk you ate your whole life,” I scoffed, hoping it masked my pained heart and the tears swelling on my eyes, “I told you food would be the death of you someday.”
Changmin chuckled, “But I always thought you’ll be the death of me someday.”
“Yeah I remembered that,” I grinned at him and felt relieved he still had his sense of humor. How could I ever forget? Every word he had said to me, although he might not mean it, although he might have forgotten, although it might no longer mean anything to him anymore, are imprinted on the back of my mind. I remembered all his truths and the way he never lied to me, not even once. Every single one of them, every smile equipped with mismatched eyes and every songs he had ever written for me.
I even remembered the last kiss he gave me when I walked out on our band. He smiled encouragingly, but he never asked me to stay. I never asked him to come with me. We both knew each other too well to know the answers before those questions were voiced. There wasn't a single day when I didn't regret leaving him.
“You’re going to be okay, right?” I asked as I squeezed his hand tighter.
“Of course I will,” he replied again, but this time, the smile didn’t reach his eyes. I think that was the first time he ever lied to me.
When the visiting hour ended and I was forced to leave, I kissed Changmin’s cheek and whispered, “You know I love you right?”
“Always have, always will. You said so,” he grinned, mischievous, victorious, like he had beaten me on a race to the kitchen during the wee hours of the night, where the other members were fast asleep.
I exited the room and cried.
Somewhere between too long and not enough time that I spent with him, my visits to Changmin’s hospital room became a routine. When I entered his room that evening, Changmin was writing a song. Despite the beanie hat that hid his now bald head, the sunken cheeks, and the pale chapped lips, he still looked ridiculously amazing to me. He refused to show me what it was, but there was a smile on his lips the whole time. I caught some melodies from his humming, but he refused to sing me everything.
“You’ll hear it when I’m done,” Changmin said, sticking his tongue out.
I crossed my arms and pouted.
Before I went home, Changmin stretched a hand to cup my cheek and leaned to plant his lips on mine. It tasted bittersweet.
I dreamt of him that night, the night of his last.
We were walking together hand in hand, under the sun. Our fingers entwined and his smile was gorgeous, skin tan and radiant, unlike the pale face I saw at the hospital earlier. He laughed at something I said, mismatched eyes and joker grin. I could almost feel the sand underneath my feet and his arms around my waist. I could still feel the taste of his lips as he kissed me again and again, until we’re sick of each other and started trying to drown one another in the water.
I woke up with a gasped in the middle of the night. I reached for my phone and dialed his number. “Let’s watch the sunrise,” I blurted out the moment he picked up.
Changmin sighed, “Hyung, I can’t--”
“Please,” I cut in before he could refuse, “Promise me you’ll go to the beach with me,” tears started falling down the side of my face before I realized, “Hurry up and get well soon, so we can go to Bali or Hawaii, or even Maldives! You want to go surfing right? I promise I’ll take you to the best restaurants and let you eat whatever you want! That’s why...”
“Junsu...” he said my name with so much sadness that my heart clenched painfully on my chest, suffocating.
“That’s why you need to promise me, Changmin,” I insisted, wiping my tears, “Promise me!”
Changmin’s breath hitched, and I knew he must be crying, but all I could picture of him in my mind was his smile. His gorgeous, happy smile, loud laughter, and soft lips against mine. All I could picture was the two of us under the sun, sand beneath our feet, and the white noise of waves surrounding us.
“I promise, Suie,” Changmin finally replied with a long-forgotten petname. “Let’s go watch the sunrise tomorrow.”
In the end, he didn’t get to keep it.
There was sunshower the day of his funeral.
Trying to ignore the devastating thoughts of camera flashes, meaningless cries from people who pretended to care, and questions on Changmin’s relationship with his former band-mates, including myself, I watched his mother lit the flames around him.
Never once did I think my last memory of him would be seeing his beautiful form, dressed in an amazing white suit, lit up in flames. It’s as if he was sleeping peacefully, a small smile on his lips. That last kiss he gave me; he never told me what it meant, but I think I knew. It was a little parting gift for me, who will stay craving for him the rest of my life.
This day felt like another yesterday, I thought as I stood under the sun, the drizzle making dark spots on suit. Yeah, it was just another day without Changmin beside me as I breezed through this dull stagnant life. The flames continued to burn despite the rain, turning everything that used to be into ashes. I thanked the sky as it cried alongside of me, masking every tear I cried with raindrops.
Later on, his sister handed me some papers. It was music sheets, with my name written on the corner.
Hug me once, just once, without him noticing
I said ‘I love you’ numerous times
But there’s no you in front of me
No more you
***
Do not take any posts from this journal and post it somewhere else without permission as well as proper credit.
Comments are loved :)
Pairing: Changmin/Junsu
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating: G
Length: Ficlet
Warning: Character Death
Disclaimer: I don't own MinSu :(
Summary: There was sunshower the day of his funeral.
A/N: In Indonesia, it is believed that when there’s sunshower / fox rain, someone divine died and the sky is grieving for him.
02.07.13 | 11 am - Xia
There was sunshower the day he got admitted to the hospital.
He smiled at me as I entered the white-walled dull room that smelled of death and held out a hand, “Junsu-ah, you came.” He lied weakly on the ugly bed, wearing that highly unfashionable robe, leaning to the wall behind it. Sunshine fell through the window on his skin, making it paler than it already is, while we could hear the white noise of water droplets hitting the glass.
I blinked the burn on my eyes and smiled back. “Of course I did,” I smirked at him, “would I ever miss the satisfaction of seeing the almighty Shim defeated in bed?”
He laughed, and it sounded like it did years ago, when he laughed as he beat up my character at a game we were playing, as we lounged on the carpet of the dorm’s living room. It sounded like it did when he ruffled my hair despite of me being older, and kissed the top of my head, because he’s taller, because he can. It sounded like it did years ago…when he loved me.
Not for once when we were together had I seen him this pale, this weak. Changmin had always been the one to play though, dragging himself off bed even with 39-degree fever burning his body, insisting to come to practice. It was like seeing a different person, or maybe he is a different person after we part ways, I’d never know.
Suddenly, it was hard to breath.
“Glad to be of service, Hyung,” he replied, smiling wider when I took his hand and settled myself at the chair next to the bed.
I stared at the infusion on his hand that I held; the tube connected to it through a small pipe and the dripping clear liquid I had no idea of that flowed into his body. There were scary thoughts in my head that I suppressed, but the way Changmin held my hand seemed to confirm that he knew what I was thinking. He started talking about how funny it was that he just woke up to this beautiful sunny morning when suddenly the world swayed and blackened. How funny it was that yesterday he just sneaked out on Yunho and went out for pizza with Kyuhyun when suddenly…his result came out with 4th stadium cancer.
“It must be all those junk you ate your whole life,” I scoffed, hoping it masked my pained heart and the tears swelling on my eyes, “I told you food would be the death of you someday.”
Changmin chuckled, “But I always thought you’ll be the death of me someday.”
“Yeah I remembered that,” I grinned at him and felt relieved he still had his sense of humor. How could I ever forget? Every word he had said to me, although he might not mean it, although he might have forgotten, although it might no longer mean anything to him anymore, are imprinted on the back of my mind. I remembered all his truths and the way he never lied to me, not even once. Every single one of them, every smile equipped with mismatched eyes and every songs he had ever written for me.
I even remembered the last kiss he gave me when I walked out on our band. He smiled encouragingly, but he never asked me to stay. I never asked him to come with me. We both knew each other too well to know the answers before those questions were voiced. There wasn't a single day when I didn't regret leaving him.
“You’re going to be okay, right?” I asked as I squeezed his hand tighter.
“Of course I will,” he replied again, but this time, the smile didn’t reach his eyes. I think that was the first time he ever lied to me.
When the visiting hour ended and I was forced to leave, I kissed Changmin’s cheek and whispered, “You know I love you right?”
“Always have, always will. You said so,” he grinned, mischievous, victorious, like he had beaten me on a race to the kitchen during the wee hours of the night, where the other members were fast asleep.
I exited the room and cried.
Somewhere between too long and not enough time that I spent with him, my visits to Changmin’s hospital room became a routine. When I entered his room that evening, Changmin was writing a song. Despite the beanie hat that hid his now bald head, the sunken cheeks, and the pale chapped lips, he still looked ridiculously amazing to me. He refused to show me what it was, but there was a smile on his lips the whole time. I caught some melodies from his humming, but he refused to sing me everything.
“You’ll hear it when I’m done,” Changmin said, sticking his tongue out.
I crossed my arms and pouted.
Before I went home, Changmin stretched a hand to cup my cheek and leaned to plant his lips on mine. It tasted bittersweet.
I dreamt of him that night, the night of his last.
We were walking together hand in hand, under the sun. Our fingers entwined and his smile was gorgeous, skin tan and radiant, unlike the pale face I saw at the hospital earlier. He laughed at something I said, mismatched eyes and joker grin. I could almost feel the sand underneath my feet and his arms around my waist. I could still feel the taste of his lips as he kissed me again and again, until we’re sick of each other and started trying to drown one another in the water.
I woke up with a gasped in the middle of the night. I reached for my phone and dialed his number. “Let’s watch the sunrise,” I blurted out the moment he picked up.
Changmin sighed, “Hyung, I can’t--”
“Please,” I cut in before he could refuse, “Promise me you’ll go to the beach with me,” tears started falling down the side of my face before I realized, “Hurry up and get well soon, so we can go to Bali or Hawaii, or even Maldives! You want to go surfing right? I promise I’ll take you to the best restaurants and let you eat whatever you want! That’s why...”
“Junsu...” he said my name with so much sadness that my heart clenched painfully on my chest, suffocating.
“That’s why you need to promise me, Changmin,” I insisted, wiping my tears, “Promise me!”
Changmin’s breath hitched, and I knew he must be crying, but all I could picture of him in my mind was his smile. His gorgeous, happy smile, loud laughter, and soft lips against mine. All I could picture was the two of us under the sun, sand beneath our feet, and the white noise of waves surrounding us.
“I promise, Suie,” Changmin finally replied with a long-forgotten petname. “Let’s go watch the sunrise tomorrow.”
In the end, he didn’t get to keep it.
There was sunshower the day of his funeral.
Trying to ignore the devastating thoughts of camera flashes, meaningless cries from people who pretended to care, and questions on Changmin’s relationship with his former band-mates, including myself, I watched his mother lit the flames around him.
Never once did I think my last memory of him would be seeing his beautiful form, dressed in an amazing white suit, lit up in flames. It’s as if he was sleeping peacefully, a small smile on his lips. That last kiss he gave me; he never told me what it meant, but I think I knew. It was a little parting gift for me, who will stay craving for him the rest of my life.
This day felt like another yesterday, I thought as I stood under the sun, the drizzle making dark spots on suit. Yeah, it was just another day without Changmin beside me as I breezed through this dull stagnant life. The flames continued to burn despite the rain, turning everything that used to be into ashes. I thanked the sky as it cried alongside of me, masking every tear I cried with raindrops.
Later on, his sister handed me some papers. It was music sheets, with my name written on the corner.
Hug me once, just once, without him noticing
I said ‘I love you’ numerous times
But there’s no you in front of me
No more you
***
Do not take any posts from this journal and post it somewhere else without permission as well as proper credit.
Comments are loved :)