THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 4, Second Edition!
RIKKU SPEAKS:
It's still hard for me, as a girl who grew up in the middle of the desert, to get the hang of these seasonal changes. And I have to say, I'm not any more fond of snow or cold weather than I was before, and I don't think I ever will be, either.
But you know what? There's something really pretty to seeing the first blooms of spring peek out, and something just as stirring about watching the leaves turn a hundred different colors before they fall off. And you can hate the cold weather while being okay with snowball fights and those hot chocolate mixes that have teeny-tiny marshmallows in them.
So I guess I'll grab a jacket when the wind blows too much and keep my grumbling to myself. There's lots to appreciate about seasons. And if nothing else, I'm gonna really appreciate summer when it rolls back around.
Tips For Surviving Parent's Weekend
by Gwen Cooper
Parent's weekend is almost upon us, and as such, we here at the paper have spent our time researching a few helpful tips to ensure you all survive the upcoming trauma with what little sanity you have left intact.
- Lie. There's no shame in hiding Fandom's stranger aspects from your family and friends, especially when you might be carted off to the loony bin if you bring up gremlins, aliens, or zombie bands.
- Create Distractions. If your visitors start becoming a little too insistent on following up on your academic performance, or wondering just why you sent that email asking to be brought home before you got glittered, it is perfectly acceptable to tell them to ask Professors Skywalker and Dex about when they're planning on having a reunion tour.
- Suck Up to Your Teachers. With enough encouragement, they might decide not to tell your parents what their course actually involves.
- Hide. Ask your room mate to cover for you. Contract an illness and take refuge in the clinic. After all, if you call it a strategic retreat, it's not running away.
- Booze it up. If all else fails, remember that Caritas doesn't card.
Just make sure you have an escape route handy beforehand.
Newspaper staff take no responsibility for the validity of these tips, or how you choose to implement them.
Photography Tutorial #1
by Liz Sherman
I first got into photography when I was ten after I received a camera for my birthday. Since then photography has been a part of my life that I can't imagine being without and I hope that by doing these tutorials that I will be able to inspire others to take it up.
To begin with the first thing you need to get started is a camera. The type of camera is not important, as long as you feel that it will be able to capture what you hope your photo will represent. A camera can make even if the most simple of things beautiful even if its subject is ordinary.
I find that photography keeps images still, capturing a moment and making it last forever. When I first started that’s what made it so appealing but now I do it for the inspiration and it's something that I can do regardless of where I am.
by Warren Peace
Nicknames.
Why?
I mean, I have a name. And it's a perfectly good name. At least, I'd like to think so. For those of you who haven't been paying attention, it's Warren. Warren Peace. And yes, it's a pun. And yes, I'll resent my parents until the day I die for it. But it's still my name.
Not "Rennie." Not "WarWar." Not "Logan."
Warren. No. Really. Warren. It's even easy to say. Two syllables and all. You don't even have to include my last name when you talk to me, I'll answer to just Warren. How convenient is that? There's no hassle. No fuss. No moments wasted while I stare at you trying to figure out if you have some kind of fungus growing in that empty space between your ears. You say "Warren," and I say, "Yes," and we're good to go.
There have got to be people out there who hate nicknames just as much as I do. Someone who has had their name mangled innumerable times, someone who is perfectly happy with the name they've got, someone who can't take one more "Pookie" or "Chuckles" or "Slick."
To you, I put forth a proposal. Name tags. My Name Is: __________ Only with a warning underneath; "Failure to call me by name may result in [Insert Repercussion of Choice]."
If you warn people that you're going to kick them in the shins or light their pants on fire, it's totally fair, right? It's a thought, anyhow. And I think it's a good one. But for now, I'll just shut my flaming trap.
by Rikku
This is an extra-special edition of Learn to Speak Al Bhed, for those of you who have parents coming in for Parents' Weekend and need some useful phrases!!!
I am sorry - I do not speak English.
E ys cunno - E tu hud cbayg English.
I am not your (son / daughter). You must have me confused with another student.
E ys hud ouin (cuh / tyikrdan). Oui sicd ryja sa luhvicat fedr yhudran cditahd.
(Remember to leave one of those out!!)
Are you sure this is the correct room number?
Yna oui cina drec ec dra lunnald nuus hispan?
I have never heard of this [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE] person. Does (he / she) attend this school?
E ryja hajan raynt uv drec [STILL JUST YOUR NAME] bancuh. Tuac (ra / cra) yddaht drec clruum?
I am certain that, whoever this [YOUR NAME AGAIN] person is, (he / she) is studying very hard.
E ys landyeh dryd, fruajan drec [AND AGAIN!] bancuh ec, (ra / cra) ec cditoehk jano rynt.
Good luck! We all might need it!
Libra
September 24 - October 23
The moon's coming to your house! Sounds like time for a naked house party like back in the 'Cove. Make sure you call me, oh my god. Miley knows I could use some naked fun times.
Scorpio
October 24 - November 22
Dude, you've got a lot of work to do this week. Instead of meeting your obligations, take a nap with a bottle of rum. It works for the squirrels.
Saggitarius
November 23 - December 21
Curiosity and travel are big for you this week, Saggy pants. But watch out, your heart could be affected, so get your like, nitroglycerine stuff ready.
Capricorn
December 22 - January 20
Ditch the baggage. Just say no to emo this week, especially while your 'rents are in town or someone's getting an intervention.
Aquarius
January 21 - February 19
Good news, Aquarians! This week you're getting laid. A lot. Buy some condoms, you don't want any accidental, like, Cancers coming out of your cootch.
Pisces
February 20 - March 20
Awww, you're a fishy child this week! Remember to eat healthy foods and don't be a cannibal. That's just nasty.
Aries
March 21 - April 20
Pleasure and opening the heart? Let's spit on that, Ram-man. Like love spits on us regularly with the constant ups and downs and break ups and makeups and lack of sex and oh my god I am so horny!
Taurus
April 21 - May 21
Mmm. Bulls. Dudes, Room 310 is your haven while you try to sort out family matters that can't solve themselves this weekend. You'll get some good gossip this week, but sharing secrets will only cause you problems later.
Gemini
May 22 - June 22
Two-headed freaks, this week you've got some decisions to make. It's not gonna be pretty, but neither are you. If your siblings are coming this weekend, they'll be coming, too so make sure you're ready for a threesome.
Cancer
June 23 - July 23
I feel so bad for Cancer this week. You have no money and are dying. Maybe there is a magical cure awaiting you at the clinic. Go there, quickly.
Leo
July 24 - August 23
This weekend you're going to find yourself doing some babysitting. Beware chicks with tiny children and old dudes in diapers.
Virgo
August 24 - September 23
You're still a virgin, so make sure to keep things slow and simple. Your focus is being a person, not doing a person. So like, talk to your roommate about how your deity loves you for being chaste. I'm sure that helps or something.
Coffee Pin-Up
credits:
editor: Rikku
words: Gwen Cooper, Toby Moraitis, Warren Peace, Rikku, Liz Sherman
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the marvelous Peter Parker, and the humble Rikku
adviser: Ghanima Atreides
Questions? Concerns? Got a hot tip? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu!