bad wife! dirty wife! eat your dog food!
Here, in handy-dandy skimmable format, is your House by Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker FAQ.
Q: So what's the deal this time?
A: Okay, so two couples wind up at an abandoned inn and are chased around by a serial killer named Barsidious White who tries to turn them against one another...
Q: Gasp!
A: And who turns out to be...THE DEVIL!
Q: NO WAY!
A: Way.
Q: That's shocking.
A: I know.
Q: And everyone is either converted to Christianity or offed by the end of the book?
A: DUH.
Q: And it's OK to off the ones who don't convert because they're unrepentant sinners?
A: Right.
Q: So who does Peretti rip off this time?
A: C.S. Lewis, Stephen King and The League of Gentlemen.
Q: Let me guess: There's a Crazy Relativist Universe in which up is down, left is right, rooms shift, etc.
A: Yep!
Q: And borderline offensive portrayals of social or ethic groups?
A: Why, yes! There are "inbreds," aka poor country people.
Q: Who turn out to be...?
A: Demons, naturally.
Q: So how do you kill the demons?
A: You can tell the demons, and also clones, from the real people because when you hit them, black fog comes out of their heads.
Q: That's so novel!
A: Yep.
Q: Do the demons do anything weird before commencing with the beating and serial killing?
A: Why, yes. They make everybody dinner.
Q: Really?
A: But not good dinner.
Q: So what happens to all the women?
The partnered but unmarried attractive lady professor is raped by a snake and tortured by an "inbred" in the basement, who ties her up, throws darts at her and makes her eat rancid dog food. The other chick gets converted at the end, so she's OK.
Q: Does the partnered but unmarried attractive lady professor realize how horrible she is?
A: Of course. Right before she's offed, in fact:
She'd been abused as a child, but as an adult she'd embraced that abuse by becoming an active participant. ... She'd become promiscuous and inviting, and she thrived on the power that she held over men. More important, she allowed that power to shape her identity.
...She didn't hate Pete. Or what he'd done to her. In fact, in many ways she was Pete.
Q: So she doesn't mind being raped and tortured, because she deserved it anyway?
A: Yep.
Q: What else is interesting about the attractive unmarried lady professor?
A: The number of times she 1) tries to impose evil secular psychology on their situation, and 2) tries to seem confident but is actually "trembling."
Q: Which is?
A: Please God don't make me open this book again.
Q: Are there any other women?
A: Yes, one, and she's virtuous and perfect.
Q: How do you know?
A: Because the word "virtuous" is repeated approximately thirty kajillion times.
Q: Is she attractive, though?
A: Probably not.
Q: Partnered?
A: No.
Q: Educated?
A: No.
Q: Promiscuous?
A: Nope.
Q: That means she's an angel, right?
A: Yyyyyyyyyyep.
Q: Who has to sacrifice herself at the end for the good of mankind?
A: Yyyyyyyyyyep.
Q: So what happens to all the men?
A: Not too much. One of them turns out to be dead. The rest of them mostly run around beating the crap out of each other and yelling "Ahhhhhhh!"
Q: Do you feel ooky and disgusting and gross after reading this book?
A: Why, yes. Yes I do.
Q: So what's the deal this time?
A: Okay, so two couples wind up at an abandoned inn and are chased around by a serial killer named Barsidious White who tries to turn them against one another...
Q: Gasp!
A: And who turns out to be...THE DEVIL!
Q: NO WAY!
A: Way.
Q: That's shocking.
A: I know.
Q: And everyone is either converted to Christianity or offed by the end of the book?
A: DUH.
Q: And it's OK to off the ones who don't convert because they're unrepentant sinners?
A: Right.
Q: So who does Peretti rip off this time?
A: C.S. Lewis, Stephen King and The League of Gentlemen.
Q: Let me guess: There's a Crazy Relativist Universe in which up is down, left is right, rooms shift, etc.
A: Yep!
Q: And borderline offensive portrayals of social or ethic groups?
A: Why, yes! There are "inbreds," aka poor country people.
Q: Who turn out to be...?
A: Demons, naturally.
Q: So how do you kill the demons?
A: You can tell the demons, and also clones, from the real people because when you hit them, black fog comes out of their heads.
Q: That's so novel!
A: Yep.
Q: Do the demons do anything weird before commencing with the beating and serial killing?
A: Why, yes. They make everybody dinner.
Q: Really?
A: But not good dinner.
Q: So what happens to all the women?
The partnered but unmarried attractive lady professor is raped by a snake and tortured by an "inbred" in the basement, who ties her up, throws darts at her and makes her eat rancid dog food. The other chick gets converted at the end, so she's OK.
Q: Does the partnered but unmarried attractive lady professor realize how horrible she is?
A: Of course. Right before she's offed, in fact:
She'd been abused as a child, but as an adult she'd embraced that abuse by becoming an active participant. ... She'd become promiscuous and inviting, and she thrived on the power that she held over men. More important, she allowed that power to shape her identity.
...She didn't hate Pete. Or what he'd done to her. In fact, in many ways she was Pete.
Q: So she doesn't mind being raped and tortured, because she deserved it anyway?
A: Yep.
Q: What else is interesting about the attractive unmarried lady professor?
A: The number of times she 1) tries to impose evil secular psychology on their situation, and 2) tries to seem confident but is actually "trembling."
Q: Which is?
A: Please God don't make me open this book again.
Q: Are there any other women?
A: Yes, one, and she's virtuous and perfect.
Q: How do you know?
A: Because the word "virtuous" is repeated approximately thirty kajillion times.
Q: Is she attractive, though?
A: Probably not.
Q: Partnered?
A: No.
Q: Educated?
A: No.
Q: Promiscuous?
A: Nope.
Q: That means she's an angel, right?
A: Yyyyyyyyyyep.
Q: Who has to sacrifice herself at the end for the good of mankind?
A: Yyyyyyyyyyep.
Q: So what happens to all the men?
A: Not too much. One of them turns out to be dead. The rest of them mostly run around beating the crap out of each other and yelling "Ahhhhhhh!"
Q: Do you feel ooky and disgusting and gross after reading this book?
A: Why, yes. Yes I do.