So I've been researching a crap ton of stuff because of Clara -- honestly, loser has the type of personality like an abuser, but he really doesn't qualify because he's TOO DAMN LAZY to micro-manage and bother to reform her thinking very far.
The recurrent theme is allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of these girls who feel bad because they "didn't try hard enough" or "work hard enough on the relationship" or "didn't give it my all."
Seriously, babe... why?
Just... why?
None of these situations I know personally even involve Actual Marriage, children, or sticky mortgages. Why all the huge concern with trying "hard enough" to salvage a crappy relationship started when one was young and stupid?
I mean... it's not like it's so freaking difficult to find a boyfriend. Seriously. It's kind of like pouring a shit-ton of money into a pile of junk car JUST BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE POURED SO MUCH MONEY INTO IT, when you could just... buy a new car for cheaper.
Hmm, it actually isn't me who has been gung-ho about working Really Hard on the relationship. Or rather, it was more like a year ago but that was rejected and then, I suppose, when it seemed greatly more probable that I would leave suddenly Chris is like "do you want to do counseling? we can do counseling! Whatever!" so I said we could try some relationship building books. Which I have steered towards the "sometimes things don't work out" section instead of the "SAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP AT ANY COST" variety. I was just noting a particular item with them that I don't like with them
( ... )
Not necessarily with you, but with most relationships -- look at Crowy, etc. I mean, if there aren't children involved and you aren't related to them, I just don't get the... point of saving any stressful relationship. (You don't GET the option to ditch obnoxious special needs children, and of course, I don't think it's morally okay to walk out on elderly/mentally ill relatives. Romantic relationships are the one area where one actually HAS emotional choice!)
Boy/girlfriends just aren't that special, even if you OMG WANT ONE and hate to be alone... buh.
I guess a better comparison would be if the car is a lemon AND you live near really bitchin' public transit. :P
I guess a better comparison would be if the car is a lemon AND you live near really bitchin' public transit.
BWAHAHAHA! That basically describes the ultimate choice of "stay with Dave or ditch him for Mal?" that I went through two years ago. I mean, it's simplistic, but I think from now on I want to use that metaphor. ;)
Seriously, though, I get why people spend time and energy on trying to save a relationship, even if it's crappy. You put seven years (or however many) of your life into a relationship with someone, you remember what it felt like to be in love, and there's this sort of sense of, "But if I could somehow bring back what it was like at the beginning, before we both started being stupid, then I'd be an idiot to end this." The problem is you can't actually go back, so either you work with your partner to build a new relationship on the foundations of the old one, or you admit that it's not worth sticking around based on the past and you leave
( ... )
Comments 6
The recurrent theme is allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of these girls who feel bad because they "didn't try hard enough" or "work hard enough on the relationship" or "didn't give it my all."
Seriously, babe... why?
Just... why?
None of these situations I know personally even involve Actual Marriage, children, or sticky mortgages. Why all the huge concern with trying "hard enough" to salvage a crappy relationship started when one was young and stupid?
I mean... it's not like it's so freaking difficult to find a boyfriend. Seriously. It's kind of like pouring a shit-ton of money into a pile of junk car JUST BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE POURED SO MUCH MONEY INTO IT, when you could just... buy a new car for cheaper.
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Boy/girlfriends just aren't that special, even if you OMG WANT ONE and hate to be alone... buh.
I guess a better comparison would be if the car is a lemon AND you live near really bitchin' public transit. :P
Reply
BWAHAHAHA! That basically describes the ultimate choice of "stay with Dave or ditch him for Mal?" that I went through two years ago. I mean, it's simplistic, but I think from now on I want to use that metaphor. ;)
Seriously, though, I get why people spend time and energy on trying to save a relationship, even if it's crappy. You put seven years (or however many) of your life into a relationship with someone, you remember what it felt like to be in love, and there's this sort of sense of, "But if I could somehow bring back what it was like at the beginning, before we both started being stupid, then I'd be an idiot to end this." The problem is you can't actually go back, so either you work with your partner to build a new relationship on the foundations of the old one, or you admit that it's not worth sticking around based on the past and you leave ( ... )
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