Can't Be Ignored, 2/6. R.
Title: Can't Be Ignored
Series: #12 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again, #10 - Hit Your Prime, #11 - Open Your Eyes)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: R
Pairing: Loki/Natasha
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-movie. Read the other stories before this one, because it does refer back to events in them. Additional warning for misogyny (internalized and society-driven) and references to torture.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups
Special thanks to phoenixrising06/
romanovasledger for plotting and characterization discussion. :)
Summary: Rather than wait for a full scale attack to reach Asgard, they decide to make the first strike themselves.
Prior chapter:
One - Fall From Grace
Two - What The Dead Know
"Tell me everything you know about the Chitauri."
Loki was curled into a tight ball in one corner of the study that was being used as a meeting room, not looking at the others. Her hair fell in a curtain over her face, obscuring them from view. Natasha had spoken, but Sif, Tony, Clint and Steve were also in the room. Bruce and Jane were furthering their research, Thor smoothing the way with the palace historian and trying to track down whoever else they might need to talk to. Volstagg and Fandral hadn't been interested in "just talking." Sif, however, had been fully aware of what needed to be talked about. She hadn't seen fit to tell them what it was, and neither had Natasha. As much as they usually were involved in Thor's exploits, they really wouldn't have contributed to the discussion at all, and would have only increased Loki's anxiety levels.
"What's to say?" Her voice was laced with bitterness and self recrimination. "I know nothing of their origins or home world. I had no need to know."
"What happened, then?" Natasha continued. Her voice was soft but toneless; the others had agreed to let her take the lead on this. She was most familiar at manipulating Loki at this point, and it would undoubtedly be manipulation to get anything useful out of her.
"What happened?" Loki scoffed, her fingers digging into her arms, which were wrapped around her legs. Her knuckles were white from the pressure. "When? What do you think you need to know about it?"
"I never asked you about what happened when you met the Chitauri."
"A fact I once was grateful for."
"And now?"
"I told you. They worship death. What else do you need to know? That's more than enough."
"What did they do? Where did they meet?" Natasha asked, voice steady. She was seated not even five feet away, also on the floor. Her posture was loose and comfortable, though the others in the room realized she could roll into aggressive action at any time.
"It matters not." Loki's voice was dull. "They seek death, and now they seek it here."
"You don't want Asgard destroyed. That was never your intent. Even on Earth, that was never your intent. You said you wanted to rule. You wanted to be important, to be seen as a benevolent god, as a savior to end all wars."
"You saw how that turned out."
"Humans don't take kindly to despotic rulers, no. So the Chitauri were stopped. But what do you think they would do here? If the warriors are unable to stop them? The Chitauri don't care who they take down, who dies on either side. The death toll would be horrific."
"It's what they desire."
"Is that what you desire?" Loki remained silent, though her fingers tightened spastically on her arms. "Do you want to see them again? See them marching down the streets of Asgard, spilling out into the countryside? Do you want to see their flying creatures raining down the Chitauri warriors on estates of farmers and herders? Do you want to see the halls of Hel filled with the dead of Asgard, bodies broken and bleeding like the ones from the mine?"
That hit a nerve. Loki uncurled in an instant, hands balled into fists and lips drawn back from her lips in a snarl. Her eyes were fever bright, expression one of abject misery. "How can you sit there, righteous and unmoved?" Loki raged. "That was no honorable death, that was ignoble as any filthy thing they threatened to enjoy. Pain is sweet indeed to them, pain is what they crave to make the death that much more fitting for Thanos. And he will come, Natasha. He will come for us all if he's marked Asgard. They will all die, all of them, for he worships death and wants it for his own. Everything will end in a rain of bloodshed and misery. You cannot stop it and I cannot protect you from it!"
Natasha had been very still through all of that, and only now moved. Slowly, she caught Loki's fists in her own. "I'm not afraid of death, if this is when it happens."
"I am."
"Tell me why." Her voice was whisper soft, lulling and almost like a lover's caress. "Tell me why you fear Thanos."
"You don't understand..."
"Make me understand it."
"He's not alone in his plans. Genocide is something he hopes to woo Lady Death with, and he looks forward to conquest." Loki's voice shook a little, and her eyes slid away from Natasha's. "The Chitauri are nothing compared to his generals. They scour the known universe and between the realms looking for the means to do so. There are special gems to give him even more power. The Tesseract is one."
"The Infinity Gems," Sif said behind Natasha.
Loki nodded, head bowed. "I lied to him. I never meant for him to gain the Tesseract. I meant to keep it, to use the Chitauri to make Midgard mine. I only meant to rule."
"Thanos can't be pleased with you," Natasha commented, Loki's fists still caught in her hands.
"Death would be too good for me," Loki murmured. "There are five gems, and he already had the purple one. It controls space. The Tesseract, obviously, controls the mind."
Sif sighed. "Most of these are simply the stuff of legend."
"But they are made real," Loki replied, a bleak note in her voice. She looked up at Sif, hair falling over her face. "They are not all gems. The Aether is not a physical gem, after all, but it gives incredible power to its bearer, if the bearer isn't killed as a result."
"It was destroyed," Sif said, shaking her head, "so Thanos cannot retrieve it."
"So Thanos is courting Hel?" Natasha asked. Loki went very still at her words. "I would think she's merely stringing him along. I don't get the sense she cares about anything else but her own realm. If he destroys and massacres entire worlds, it would swell the realm of the dead."
"That would explain why he refused to kill me," Loki murmured. "But for everyone else, death is the ultimate goal. Genocide pleases him. It is the thing he hopes to curry favor, to win Hel as his own. She won't take him to her side to rule Helheim, but he is so blinded by his devotion that he can't see that and to tell him the truth is to risk annihilation."
"We need to find him first," Natasha told Loki, catching her attention. "No more whittling away at Asgard's defenses, no more scurrying around in corners. We flush them out, wherever they are, and finish this."
"He is powerful, especially with his control over space."
"There are other ways to gain power, aren't there?"
"Dismantling ancient artifacts," Loki replied immediately. "Unraveling spells of great magnitude, reweaving them into something new and charged. The seidr, spá and runic magicks work best for such things."
"Then you can locate Thanos and figure out a way to wipe him out."
Loki shook her head. "It was a rock in the midst of space. Little better than an asteroid, all craggy and barren. Thanos' command of space meant that there was atmosphere to breathe, that it could support his needs, but that did not mean it was truly his home."
"You must have some idea of where that might be."
"No," Loki murmured, shaking her head. "He called me a fool for not trying to take Asgard. He had slaughtered his own kind."
Natasha let go of Loki's hands and cupped her face gently. "But you are Loki of Asgard. That's how you see yourself. You cannot destroy the place you still love."
Tears shimmered in her eyes. "There is no place for me here. There never will be."
"But that doesn't mean you want to see it destroyed."
"How can you ignore the red?" Loki asked, voice barely above a whisper. "How can you swim in its flow and be so unaffected?"
"What you saw is going to be the beginning, you know that. It's not going to be nameless and faceless numbers. It's not going to be strangers. It's going to be people you know, ones you care for, ones that matter. You know it's coming."
"I cannot stop Thanos. The best I could do was pretend to work with him, and even that failed."
"Then help us track him. Help us find him before he comes here."
"I wouldn't know where to begin. Perhaps the Other would know, but I won't face that one..."
Natasha ignored Loki's shudder, and merely angled her torso a little closer to Loki, obscuring the others from Loki's view. "Who is the Other? I haven't heard of that one before."
"He served as leader of the Chitauri, a go between for them and Thanos." Loki closed her eyes and shuddered. "Full of promises of death and destruction. He kept telling Thanos that I lied, that I couldn't be trusted."
"And you couldn't be."
Loki's eyes snapped open. "I tell you truth."
"And I'm the only one, aren't I?"
A ragged, pained breath, and then Loki reluctantly nodded. "Yes, you are."
"Tell me about the Other. Tell me what you know of him."
"Very little. I know next to nothing of their kind. I didn't need to. I just needed to know that they would serve me without question, that they would quell rebellion if it was offered. They are a vast force, easily bred and altered for war, that it didn't matter if they were slaughtered in droves as long as the task at hand was completed. That was all, I swear to you."
"But you knew about the neural links. You likely know something about their strength, their numbers... What were they giving you to help you?"
"To take over Midgard was supposed to be an easy task. Asgard will not be."
"So what were the numbers for an easy victory?" Natasha pressed.
"I had a hundred thousand ground troops, a thousand Marauders, three warships and one carrier," Loki replied, shaking her head. "It was to be a show of force, to intimidate and control, not annihilate. The ultimate goals are very different."
"To hide an army that sized will take some doing."
"I can't... You don't understand. To scan the known universe is going to take an incredible amount of power. I can't do this."
"The portals that they used in the jarls' homes-"
"May not be where they are permanently stationed. It could be walking into a trap to reopen it."
"Or, we could back track their movements until we find them."
"There's no guarantee that will work."
"There's no guarantee that it won't."
Loki pulled herself away from Natasha, breathing heavily before rolling to her feet. "I will not enter their stronghold. I had nothing to bargain with then, but I have even less now."
"Why? Can they see through your invisibility spells?"
"Their sight does not rely on visible light alone. A fair number are sensitive to smell or motion."
"Well, then. We have to get around that."
Natasha smiled before getting to her feet. "Was that really so hard?"
"Yes. You know it was." Loki had a stricken look on her face as she contemplated the silent members of the room. "I cannot hide them all."
Tony had been making notes on a Starkpad and looked up abruptly at that. "Hey, now. Who said anything about hiding? I for one think we should go in hot and light 'em all up."
Steve and Clint were nodding. "Catch them where they live, decimate their forces before they ever get them off the ground. Then they won't come after Asgard."
"It will attract Thanos' notice," Loki warned.
"Bring it on," Tony said with a grin. "We all know how to fight death-dealing bullies, don't we?"
"You used to consider me one of them," Loki murmured.
"Exactly. It'll be a party."
Natasha let a corner of her lips quirk into something like a smile. "Still don't see how that was a party, Stark. Look at the fallout."
Tony shrugged, then lifted his pad. "Considering the tech here that nobody really considers, plus our know-how, we'll make it a better party. Sound better?"
"Maybe. Let's see how the others are faring."
***
Considering Heimdall didn't want to leave his post, Bruce and Jane took their notebooks and went to him at the Observatory. The three had to come up with common terms, but once they were on the same page, they were discussing the intricacies of the Bifrost, quantum mechanics and directing the size and course of the portals. "There is no technology that cannot be detected in some manner," Heimdall was saying as Tony walked into the Observatory. "Perhaps magic could elude my sight, but even that is a rare thing."
"There are ways in and out of this place that aren't exactly official, right?" Tony asked, curious about the conversation he was walking into.
"Few and not well known," Heimdall allowed. "But most of the means to travel between realms is best served by using the Bifrost. It expends much energy, true, but it will be stable and disperses energies safely."
"And this magic thing... We've started trying to track it on Earth. Er, Midgard."
"I understand your terminology. Doctors Foster and Banner and I have already worked out quite a bit of it to communicate effectively."
"Why don't you just say what's on your mind?" Jane told Tony, looking up from her notebook. She had several piles of paper all around her, all with scribbles and graphs. Bruce had similar piles in front of him as well.
"Oh. Okay, then. I was sitting in on Natasha working Loki over for information on the Chitauri," Tony began, ignoring Bruce's pained expression at his blithe disregard for others. "So, there were portals in and out that they used on Asgard, but apparently some of them had hiding places and outposts. It's probably not the Chitauri home world. Some of them seem to be able to see outside of the visible spectrum of light, some are sensitive to smell, and others have position sense. So, I started sketching out possible schematics for a hovering drone that could collect information, including magic signatures." He approached with his Starkpad.
"Did you see the toys that some of the kids have here?" Jane asked, eyes lighting up. "Studying the propulsion alone could set the field of robotics ahead, not to mention particle physics and gravitational analysis. We were talking with Ketilve, the historian, and wow, talk about how behind we are in mathematics, computer science, physics... It's all there, just how we approach it is so different..."
Bruce chuckled and Heimdall looked amused by her enthusiasm. "In other words, yeah, we can probably build a prototype like this in no time."
"Which is good, because we don't want to be a realm of dead people." Tony looked over at Heimdall, open curiosity on his face. "So, how does that vision of yours work? Because if we're looking to hop through different portals back and forth..."
"I can see individuals on all realms. If they are between realms, or in hidden dimensions, then I would not be able to," Heimdall said gravely. He leveled a look at Tony with his golden eyes, which seemed to be enough to put a dampener on his constant sarcasm for the moment. "But I am the Gatekeeper, and I must do my duty."
"Yeah. Not questioning that at all," Tony said, raising his hands in a placating gesture. "But, if we're going to be going dimension hopping or whatever this is going to be, it's going to be a little less stressful to know that you can keep an eye on us, too."
"I serve as observer over Asgard and her interests. This includes all of you working to neutralize the threat."
"Good. Sif and Natasha are talking with the warriors at the palace now, so we'll have more manpower when this all goes down."
"Wait, seriously?" Jane asked, eyes wide. "You're going to take on psycho killers by hunting them to their home world?"
"They came to our planet uninvited. Why not return the favor?" Tony asked, shrugging.
"How will we know if we got there?" Bruce asked, brows furrowing.
"Well, apparently they have Loki's magic mind whammy stick from before," Tony informed them. "Natasha talked to the dead, as creepy as that sounded, and they pretty much confirmed that tidbit. As well as there being a lot more Chitauri out there than we really want there to be for safety's sake."
Bruce sighed and rubbed his temple. "So we're looking for a faint gamma radiation trace within the known cosmos, when there are other natural sources of radiation. Plus the possible magic resonances. And building a hovering scentless probe to take the hit going through the portal if any of the Chitauri are on the other side."
"See? Brilliant mind at work there," Tony replied with a smile. "It's a simple enough plan, really. We can do it."
"Better get started," Bruce agreed with a slight sigh. It didn't help that Jane was grinning and opened her notebook to a brand new page so the four of them could discuss tracking the radiation and resonance traces.
***
Natasha and Bera moved through the forgotten hallways of the palace. Bera kept her head down and basket of washing in her hands, giving credence to the lies she would have to tell if they were found. Natasha followed her closely and silently, knives hidden beneath the dress sleeves and skirt as usual. The outer robe she wore also readily concealed Loki's twin swords, which were in a scabbard at her waist. The maze of corridors let out into the midden area, the stench all but unbearable. "Are you sure that you can trust this man?" Bera asked, voice warbling with her worry. "You've never actually met him, and I know your friends are here for a reason, not just for feasting and partaking in festivities."
"Did you get word to your brothers?" Natasha asked instead, laying a calming hand on Bera's shoulder. At the girl's nod, she smiled. "Good. We don't know what will happen, but they'll be safe with the transfer. My friends are here because there's a silent war going on. The missing jarls and karls are only part of it."
"The mines," Bera murmured. Though Natasha had never told her what was in them, Bera was clever enough to realize that Loki's wan expression at the mere mention of them meant that something very bad had happened there.
"A great evil is coming, hoping to wipe out Asgard. Once Asgard falls, the rest of the Nine Realms will." Natasha thought the words were a bit overkill, to be honest, but it was in keeping with the tone Asgardians tended to speak in. Bera paled and nodded that she understood the importance of what Natasha was doing. "Remember. I work best in shadow, gathering the whispers at the walls. Don't do anything to get noticed."
"I won't," Bera promised.
The shadows shifted slightly on the other side of the open wasteland. "Time to go. Keep your head down and stay safe."
She moved quickly until she found a tall Asgardian skulking about the area. "Konrad," she guessed, though she had never met him in person before.
He nodded as he looked around the area furtively. "You asked me to get word to you if the situation changed at the estates. You have to come with me."
"What's happened?" she asked, voice firm. She wasn't about to leave the relative safety of the palace just yet.
"Lord Falki beat Gilla unconscious," Konrad choked, unable to meet Natasha's eyes. "I've been forbidden from going to the Healers' Hall, but you could."
"And how would I explain a Healer descending on the estate to take care of Gilla?" she asked archly. While she hadn't met Konrad in person before, Gilla had certainly talked about him enough. This did not match her description at all.
And why wasn't he looking her in the eye?
"Konrad, look at me."
"We have to go, Lady Natasha. I don't know how much longer Gilla will last."
When he actually reached out to touch her, Natasha swung the twin swords out from where they were hidden beneath her cloak. The sharp edge didn't break his skin, but it gave him enough pause to stay still. She tapped the underside of his chin with the flat of the blade, then tipped up his chin to look at his face directly.
Instead of the glowingly described green they were supposed to be, they were bloodshot and icy blue, the same color of the Tesseract.
He lunged at her with a wicked looking blade in hand as soon as she realized what she was seeing, but apparently he or his handlers had seriously underestimated her. As much as she knew Gilla cared for Konrad and he normally loved her above all else, Natasha wasn't about to spare him. There was no contest in getting the long knife knocked out of his hand, but the mind control didn't end when Natasha hit him upside the head with the flat of her sword. Or kicked him in the chin, snapping his head up and back into a pillar. Or when she caught him with a roundhouse kick to the jaw and followed with a punch to the solar plexus and then up in the nose with her bare fist. The flop of his head didn't sit right with her, but Natasha didn't place why right away.
Konrad fell to the ground with each blow, then pushed himself back up to feet. He looked at her with those Tesseract blue eyes, intent expression on his face. "You will come with me," he kept saying over and over again.
"I don't think so," she replied, taking Loki's sword firmly in hand. I'm sorry, Gilla, she thought, noticing the odd angle his head was sitting on his neck. Broken. Yet he still moved fairly fluidly for a dead man.
"The Master wants you there," Konrad finally said.
"Tell him I need an engraved invitation," Natasha replied, swinging the sword. It cleanly severed his head from his neck. Only then did the blue light fade from his eyes, and the body fell in a graceless heap to the ground.
Natasha watched sluggish, nearly-clotted blood leak from the wound. Konrad had been dead for several hours, then, and rigor mortis hadn't set in yet. She didn't care about Falki, but Gilla could be in danger. Konrad never would have willingly left her if she was.
Getting her bearings, Natasha broke out into a run, heading for Gilla's estate.
Everything was in chaos when she arrived, and it was easy to slip into the house without being noticed by house staff. There was a fire in one section of the house, close to the storerooms, the fields were overrun with karls that all had Tesseract blue eyes, and some of their neighbors had brought their own karls to help fight them off. Natasha quickly moved through the house, sword hidden beneath her cloak. She moved faster when she heard crashing sounds from the bedroom, as well as muted shouting.
Falki had a riding crop in hand was beating Gilla with it. She was in a white kirtle and light pink underdress, blood staining it in places. She was sprawled across the floor and trying to shield her face and torso as best as she could from the crop. "...brought them here, you ungrateful, barren bitch. I have given you a name and a home, and there has been nothing but disaster." Slap. "These are my lands, my people! Mine! They do not obey you, and you will not undermine my orders ever again!"
His eyes were Tesseract blue as well.
As much as Natasha never would have wanted Gilla to see her kill anyone, Falki was set on beating Gilla to death. She swung her sword before Falki even realized she was there, severing his head from his neck cleanly. Natasha didn't want to think of why there was blood on Gilla's underdress as she grabbed Falki's body. "Get dressed," she told Gilla sharply. "We're getting you out of here."
"But Falki..."
"Do as I say, and we'll get you out of here in a way that will keep you safe."
Gilla nodded, moving creakily. Natasha put the sword back in her scabbard and put Falki's head on his chest. She started dragging the body out of the door as Gilla dressed in one of her heavier dresses, and Natasha quickly headed toward the part of the house where the fires were raging unchecked. Not one servant was in the house now; most were actually outside trying to get well water to put out the fire. It was easy enough to arrange the body under some debris; Asgard didn't seem to care much about forensics, so this would be a convenient enough cover story for Gilla to repeat. The poor woman was so rattled anyway, Natasha refused to feel bad for rearranging her life around. It would have been easier if she simply garroted Falki out in the field somewhere, and Konrad was around to continue being her steward. Natasha had to work with what she had, however.
"Go to your neighbor. Tell them you can't find Falki. Tell them the fire is burning out of control and you need their help for the house."
"What about you?" Gilla asked, pale and jittery. "I can't find Konrad. He left two days ago, but he shouldn't have been gone so long..."
"He's probably looking for you," Natasha lied. It was kinder than telling her the truth. "I'm going to see what I can do about stopping this."
Watching Gilla run out to her neighbors, Natasha sighed. The only way to end this was to stop the Chitauri once and for all.
***
There was no getting around it any longer, really. Too much magic was bound up in her form as it currently was, and even siphoning off power from the Essine Ruby wasn't going to be enough to perform the sheer number of spells that would be necessary. Honestly, Loki didn't care one whit about Stark. But Banner had been kind in his quiet sort of way. Rogers had gone out of his way to try to show Loki a means to earn Natasha's regard, and was a close friend of hers. Barton made no secret of his feelings, but was Natasha's friend as well. And honestly, he could have done far worse while Loki was on Earth in Avengers Tower. It would have been within his power to use the heavy black chains that Natasha had left in his possession, but he had not. He had never abused his power, and neither had Rogers. None of them had. They were not perfect saints, of course, but none had gone out of their way for revenge.
She didn't understand it then, still didn't. They didn't break the illusion that she was Lara except with those that already knew, and were actively trying to help Asgard.
Loki couldn't let them fight this battle while hamstrung. Asgard would burn if she did.
Protection spells, armor spells, shield spells, detection spells, illusion spells... She could do them, but even those spells would break under the sheer volume of Chitauri warriors that would be present on their home world, wherever it was. She closed her eyes, remembering the asteroid that had been devoid of any life yet still housed Thanos, the Other and countless Chitauri awaiting orders silently. Thanos had other generals elsewhere, some looking for the Infinity Gems. Once he had them all in his possession, he could destroy the very fabric of time and space necessary to sustain life. Oh, how Hel would laugh at that.
Head bowed, Loki let the layers of dress and the kirtle fall from her body. This hadn't afforded her further protection or regard. She hadn't understood what she was looking for at the time, either. Now she had better understanding of it, though she still didn't think she could be the creature that Natasha wanted or needed.
If she was completely honest, a rarity in and of itself, Loki knew she had to find something worthy within herself to start with. She didn't know what that could be. She worked magic easily, lied easily, manipulated easily. She wanted control and wanted to give it up. She couldn't trust others but craved having someone to trust. She wasn't good, wasn't the type to give of herself endlessly. Forgiveness and mercy were largely alien concepts. Those weren't ideals she could understand, though Natasha and her friends had the capacity for it.
She was chaos, instability, fury. This was who she was, deep down. Those were aspects she could never change, no matter how hard she tried.
But she would not let Natasha fight the Chitauri without protection. She would not let her go to Helheim, would not let the weight of genocide crush her. The sight of massacres and torture might not give her pause, given the ferocity of humanity, but Loki couldn't let her be subject to it. And because of who they were, her companions couldn't either.
Powerful spells could be made stronger with the energies released by unraveling other powerful spells. Energy could be funneled, transmuted, conserved. That would keep them safe.
And really, it was time. This feminine shell no longer felt safe or comfortable.
Loki had gone with bracelets last time, and this time went with amulets that could be worn against the skin beneath clothing or armor. The amulets were for all of the Avengers, Thor, Sif, Volstagg, Fandral, the three Asgardian generals that volunteered to accompany them, as well as one for herself. Himself. It wouldn't do for Loki to succumb to the Chitauri while the others survived. There was no great wish to visit Helheim anytime soon.
Unraveling the spells so tightly bound into flesh was painful, both mentally and physically. The silencing spells around Natasha's bed had been expanded outward to encompass the entire room, and Loki was glad of it now. Loki screamed, skin sloughing and bones reshaping themselves. It hadn't hurt this much before, but care had been spent in layering the spells slowly. They were now being ripped apart to release as much energy as possible, and that meant ripping everything that made Loki a physical being. She-He-Whatever Loki was, this in between state, hovered over the amulets inscribed with esoteric runes.
He crashed to his knees. He. Maybe. She? Long hair and breasts, cock present. Some kind of mixture between the two. Bones continued to shift and reshape, organs resorbing and others being created out of the mixture.
Loki coughed, blood rising to his lips. Flecks of it fell onto each amulet, and he could feel the magic sinking into the malleable gold. Bending over, he balanced himself on clenched fists and bony knees. He could feel internal organs shift and move, tears rising to his eyes. By the Nine Realms, it hurt, more than Amora's venom had. Screaming and coughing, he continued pulling at the spells he had bound around his body, ripping them apart violently.
By the time he was done, each amulet nearly glowed and pulsed with power. He was lying on his side on the soft carpet, skin oversensitive and raw. He was fully male again, in the Asgardian coloring that his adoptive parents had preferred. We didn't want you to feel different, Frigga had told him. Oh, but she should have known better. He had always been different, always been other.
He sobbed openly, fingers clutching at the carpeting spastically. He could possibly unravel himself farther, go to the Jotunn form he had been born in, but he wouldn't even recognize himself like that. And could Natasha care for a creature that appeared so different, so hideous and monstrous?
No, that wasn't fair. She had accepted his female form immediately, without any kind of recrimination or doubt. It wasn't simply because she found either gender attractive, but because she saw past that. She had known immediately that Loki was the same regardless of shape.
How had she known, yet he hadn't realized it?
Loki lost track of time, possibly passing out due to the pain and exhaustion that crashed into him as the spells unraveled and he wove new ones about the amulets. Everything hurt, and he pushed himself up to a seated position with a guttural moan of pain. He froze when he saw Natasha sitting there nearby, a concerned expression on her face and knives close at hand.
"Just in case the guards barged in," she said, nodding toward the knives. "They'd have a fight on their hands."
Oh. Oh. Loki managed a watery smile at her, and tried to pull at least a thread of magic around himself to fashion into some kind of clothing. It was infinitely soft against his newborn skin, folds and pleats in the dark fabric giving it a semblance of regality. "The amulets are done," he said, his voice a raspy mess. "I unraveled the spells on my person to fuel the ones I needed to place onto them."
"I see," she murmured, gracefully rolling to her feet. The knives were left on the floor. "How are you feeling?"
"Vulnerable," he replied without thinking, lips twitching in a sad smile. "They'll come for me soon, will they not? I'll be beheaded or left swinging from the gallows. But you'll be safe. You and your companions. I did craft one amulet for me should I escape my fate, but it isn't very likely, is it?"
Natasha came forward and rested her fingertips on his lips. "I don't think the palace guards know yet what's going on, and Heimdall won't tell anyone until after we've left."
"A small mercy, then."
Pulling him down by the pleated shirtfront, Natasha gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. "But sometimes those are the things that keep us going."
Loki pulled her flush against him, feeling the burn of the fabric folds pressing and rubbing against his newly formed skin. It was a delicious agony. "If I go to my death, I would have you one last time," he growled against her lips. "I would leave my imprint on your flesh, my ghost upon your skin. I would freeze this moment for an eternity if I could spare the effort, and it still would not be enough time." He stared at her intently, hoping that she understood all that he couldn't bear to say aloud.
Natasha threaded her hands through his soft, wavy hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. "Then you better get started, Loki. Don't worry about me."
His kisses were frenzied against her lips and cheeks and nose, his hands cupped around her chin to keep her in place. Loki choked when Natasha pulled apart the folds in the tunic he had crafted, touching his bare skin. "It's almost too much," he whimpered against her mouth. "I'm too new, too fragile like this."
"Just keep hold of me," Natasha replied, voice soft and gentle. She stroked the skin of his chest, soft and slow, eyes hooded as she contemplated him. "I'll keep you safe."
With a half sob, Loki nodded as he caught her wrist to still her hand. "I know you will. I trust you. You're the only one I trust."
"Take what you need, Loki," Natasha murmured, lifting her other hand to touch his lips gently.
Spinning her around, Natasha grasped the footboard of her bed for balance. Loki lifted her skirts and brushed his fingers against her, using a fragment of magic to get her slick and wet for him. He would not hurt her, would not be selfish in this even if she gave him permission to be. She meant too much to him now, even if he hadn't seen how it could have happened. Buried to the hilt, Loki held onto one breast and her hip tightly, rocking into her but keeping a fraction of space between them to ease the burn in his skin. Leaning his head forward, he touched his forehead to the back of her neck, nearly sobbing as they moved. I love you, he wanted to say, like a prayer he could wind into her skin, yet another protection spell he could give her, one of the small mercies she talked about so much.
But all his plans and hopes and dreams thus far have turned to ashes, and he would not gift her with such a broken thing.
Loki crashed to his knees after spilling inside of her, and Natasha turned around. Sobbing, he clutched her tightly, his face pressed against her stomach and his arms around her legs. "You cannot die, Natasha. I will in your place if I must, but you cannot die."
Her fingers came to rest on the crown of his head, stroking his scalp softly. "Neither of us are going to die, Loki. Chitauri will die, and we'll destroy Thanos and his generals. But we won't die because there's too much work to do. We can't afford to die yet."
He looked up at her, a pleading expression on his face. He didn't care if he knelt in front of her, that he was weak and needy, that he was so tainted by ergi that the stain of it would never wash off. Natasha didn't care about such things, and saw straight into the empty heart of him, yet deigned to watch over him. She protected him. Was that love for her? Was that care something he truly could be worthy of?
Natasha let her fingers fall to his temples. Loki could believe her to be a goddess in that moment, her lips curling into a beatific smile, her hair a bloody halo of braids and curls and jeweled pins all around her face, her eyes blazing with inner fire. "Take a moment, then suit up. Time to get ready for war."
***
***
To Chapter Three - Portals
Series: #12 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again, #10 - Hit Your Prime, #11 - Open Your Eyes)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: R
Pairing: Loki/Natasha
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-movie. Read the other stories before this one, because it does refer back to events in them. Additional warning for misogyny (internalized and society-driven) and references to torture.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups
Special thanks to phoenixrising06/
romanovasledger for plotting and characterization discussion. :)
Summary: Rather than wait for a full scale attack to reach Asgard, they decide to make the first strike themselves.
Prior chapter:
One - Fall From Grace
Two - What The Dead Know
"Tell me everything you know about the Chitauri."
Loki was curled into a tight ball in one corner of the study that was being used as a meeting room, not looking at the others. Her hair fell in a curtain over her face, obscuring them from view. Natasha had spoken, but Sif, Tony, Clint and Steve were also in the room. Bruce and Jane were furthering their research, Thor smoothing the way with the palace historian and trying to track down whoever else they might need to talk to. Volstagg and Fandral hadn't been interested in "just talking." Sif, however, had been fully aware of what needed to be talked about. She hadn't seen fit to tell them what it was, and neither had Natasha. As much as they usually were involved in Thor's exploits, they really wouldn't have contributed to the discussion at all, and would have only increased Loki's anxiety levels.
"What's to say?" Her voice was laced with bitterness and self recrimination. "I know nothing of their origins or home world. I had no need to know."
"What happened, then?" Natasha continued. Her voice was soft but toneless; the others had agreed to let her take the lead on this. She was most familiar at manipulating Loki at this point, and it would undoubtedly be manipulation to get anything useful out of her.
"What happened?" Loki scoffed, her fingers digging into her arms, which were wrapped around her legs. Her knuckles were white from the pressure. "When? What do you think you need to know about it?"
"I never asked you about what happened when you met the Chitauri."
"A fact I once was grateful for."
"And now?"
"I told you. They worship death. What else do you need to know? That's more than enough."
"What did they do? Where did they meet?" Natasha asked, voice steady. She was seated not even five feet away, also on the floor. Her posture was loose and comfortable, though the others in the room realized she could roll into aggressive action at any time.
"It matters not." Loki's voice was dull. "They seek death, and now they seek it here."
"You don't want Asgard destroyed. That was never your intent. Even on Earth, that was never your intent. You said you wanted to rule. You wanted to be important, to be seen as a benevolent god, as a savior to end all wars."
"You saw how that turned out."
"Humans don't take kindly to despotic rulers, no. So the Chitauri were stopped. But what do you think they would do here? If the warriors are unable to stop them? The Chitauri don't care who they take down, who dies on either side. The death toll would be horrific."
"It's what they desire."
"Is that what you desire?" Loki remained silent, though her fingers tightened spastically on her arms. "Do you want to see them again? See them marching down the streets of Asgard, spilling out into the countryside? Do you want to see their flying creatures raining down the Chitauri warriors on estates of farmers and herders? Do you want to see the halls of Hel filled with the dead of Asgard, bodies broken and bleeding like the ones from the mine?"
That hit a nerve. Loki uncurled in an instant, hands balled into fists and lips drawn back from her lips in a snarl. Her eyes were fever bright, expression one of abject misery. "How can you sit there, righteous and unmoved?" Loki raged. "That was no honorable death, that was ignoble as any filthy thing they threatened to enjoy. Pain is sweet indeed to them, pain is what they crave to make the death that much more fitting for Thanos. And he will come, Natasha. He will come for us all if he's marked Asgard. They will all die, all of them, for he worships death and wants it for his own. Everything will end in a rain of bloodshed and misery. You cannot stop it and I cannot protect you from it!"
Natasha had been very still through all of that, and only now moved. Slowly, she caught Loki's fists in her own. "I'm not afraid of death, if this is when it happens."
"I am."
"Tell me why." Her voice was whisper soft, lulling and almost like a lover's caress. "Tell me why you fear Thanos."
"You don't understand..."
"Make me understand it."
"He's not alone in his plans. Genocide is something he hopes to woo Lady Death with, and he looks forward to conquest." Loki's voice shook a little, and her eyes slid away from Natasha's. "The Chitauri are nothing compared to his generals. They scour the known universe and between the realms looking for the means to do so. There are special gems to give him even more power. The Tesseract is one."
"The Infinity Gems," Sif said behind Natasha.
Loki nodded, head bowed. "I lied to him. I never meant for him to gain the Tesseract. I meant to keep it, to use the Chitauri to make Midgard mine. I only meant to rule."
"Thanos can't be pleased with you," Natasha commented, Loki's fists still caught in her hands.
"Death would be too good for me," Loki murmured. "There are five gems, and he already had the purple one. It controls space. The Tesseract, obviously, controls the mind."
Sif sighed. "Most of these are simply the stuff of legend."
"But they are made real," Loki replied, a bleak note in her voice. She looked up at Sif, hair falling over her face. "They are not all gems. The Aether is not a physical gem, after all, but it gives incredible power to its bearer, if the bearer isn't killed as a result."
"It was destroyed," Sif said, shaking her head, "so Thanos cannot retrieve it."
"So Thanos is courting Hel?" Natasha asked. Loki went very still at her words. "I would think she's merely stringing him along. I don't get the sense she cares about anything else but her own realm. If he destroys and massacres entire worlds, it would swell the realm of the dead."
"That would explain why he refused to kill me," Loki murmured. "But for everyone else, death is the ultimate goal. Genocide pleases him. It is the thing he hopes to curry favor, to win Hel as his own. She won't take him to her side to rule Helheim, but he is so blinded by his devotion that he can't see that and to tell him the truth is to risk annihilation."
"We need to find him first," Natasha told Loki, catching her attention. "No more whittling away at Asgard's defenses, no more scurrying around in corners. We flush them out, wherever they are, and finish this."
"He is powerful, especially with his control over space."
"There are other ways to gain power, aren't there?"
"Dismantling ancient artifacts," Loki replied immediately. "Unraveling spells of great magnitude, reweaving them into something new and charged. The seidr, spá and runic magicks work best for such things."
"Then you can locate Thanos and figure out a way to wipe him out."
Loki shook her head. "It was a rock in the midst of space. Little better than an asteroid, all craggy and barren. Thanos' command of space meant that there was atmosphere to breathe, that it could support his needs, but that did not mean it was truly his home."
"You must have some idea of where that might be."
"No," Loki murmured, shaking her head. "He called me a fool for not trying to take Asgard. He had slaughtered his own kind."
Natasha let go of Loki's hands and cupped her face gently. "But you are Loki of Asgard. That's how you see yourself. You cannot destroy the place you still love."
Tears shimmered in her eyes. "There is no place for me here. There never will be."
"But that doesn't mean you want to see it destroyed."
"How can you ignore the red?" Loki asked, voice barely above a whisper. "How can you swim in its flow and be so unaffected?"
"What you saw is going to be the beginning, you know that. It's not going to be nameless and faceless numbers. It's not going to be strangers. It's going to be people you know, ones you care for, ones that matter. You know it's coming."
"I cannot stop Thanos. The best I could do was pretend to work with him, and even that failed."
"Then help us track him. Help us find him before he comes here."
"I wouldn't know where to begin. Perhaps the Other would know, but I won't face that one..."
Natasha ignored Loki's shudder, and merely angled her torso a little closer to Loki, obscuring the others from Loki's view. "Who is the Other? I haven't heard of that one before."
"He served as leader of the Chitauri, a go between for them and Thanos." Loki closed her eyes and shuddered. "Full of promises of death and destruction. He kept telling Thanos that I lied, that I couldn't be trusted."
"And you couldn't be."
Loki's eyes snapped open. "I tell you truth."
"And I'm the only one, aren't I?"
A ragged, pained breath, and then Loki reluctantly nodded. "Yes, you are."
"Tell me about the Other. Tell me what you know of him."
"Very little. I know next to nothing of their kind. I didn't need to. I just needed to know that they would serve me without question, that they would quell rebellion if it was offered. They are a vast force, easily bred and altered for war, that it didn't matter if they were slaughtered in droves as long as the task at hand was completed. That was all, I swear to you."
"But you knew about the neural links. You likely know something about their strength, their numbers... What were they giving you to help you?"
"To take over Midgard was supposed to be an easy task. Asgard will not be."
"So what were the numbers for an easy victory?" Natasha pressed.
"I had a hundred thousand ground troops, a thousand Marauders, three warships and one carrier," Loki replied, shaking her head. "It was to be a show of force, to intimidate and control, not annihilate. The ultimate goals are very different."
"To hide an army that sized will take some doing."
"I can't... You don't understand. To scan the known universe is going to take an incredible amount of power. I can't do this."
"The portals that they used in the jarls' homes-"
"May not be where they are permanently stationed. It could be walking into a trap to reopen it."
"Or, we could back track their movements until we find them."
"There's no guarantee that will work."
"There's no guarantee that it won't."
Loki pulled herself away from Natasha, breathing heavily before rolling to her feet. "I will not enter their stronghold. I had nothing to bargain with then, but I have even less now."
"Why? Can they see through your invisibility spells?"
"Their sight does not rely on visible light alone. A fair number are sensitive to smell or motion."
"Well, then. We have to get around that."
Natasha smiled before getting to her feet. "Was that really so hard?"
"Yes. You know it was." Loki had a stricken look on her face as she contemplated the silent members of the room. "I cannot hide them all."
Tony had been making notes on a Starkpad and looked up abruptly at that. "Hey, now. Who said anything about hiding? I for one think we should go in hot and light 'em all up."
Steve and Clint were nodding. "Catch them where they live, decimate their forces before they ever get them off the ground. Then they won't come after Asgard."
"It will attract Thanos' notice," Loki warned.
"Bring it on," Tony said with a grin. "We all know how to fight death-dealing bullies, don't we?"
"You used to consider me one of them," Loki murmured.
"Exactly. It'll be a party."
Natasha let a corner of her lips quirk into something like a smile. "Still don't see how that was a party, Stark. Look at the fallout."
Tony shrugged, then lifted his pad. "Considering the tech here that nobody really considers, plus our know-how, we'll make it a better party. Sound better?"
"Maybe. Let's see how the others are faring."
***
Considering Heimdall didn't want to leave his post, Bruce and Jane took their notebooks and went to him at the Observatory. The three had to come up with common terms, but once they were on the same page, they were discussing the intricacies of the Bifrost, quantum mechanics and directing the size and course of the portals. "There is no technology that cannot be detected in some manner," Heimdall was saying as Tony walked into the Observatory. "Perhaps magic could elude my sight, but even that is a rare thing."
"There are ways in and out of this place that aren't exactly official, right?" Tony asked, curious about the conversation he was walking into.
"Few and not well known," Heimdall allowed. "But most of the means to travel between realms is best served by using the Bifrost. It expends much energy, true, but it will be stable and disperses energies safely."
"And this magic thing... We've started trying to track it on Earth. Er, Midgard."
"I understand your terminology. Doctors Foster and Banner and I have already worked out quite a bit of it to communicate effectively."
"Why don't you just say what's on your mind?" Jane told Tony, looking up from her notebook. She had several piles of paper all around her, all with scribbles and graphs. Bruce had similar piles in front of him as well.
"Oh. Okay, then. I was sitting in on Natasha working Loki over for information on the Chitauri," Tony began, ignoring Bruce's pained expression at his blithe disregard for others. "So, there were portals in and out that they used on Asgard, but apparently some of them had hiding places and outposts. It's probably not the Chitauri home world. Some of them seem to be able to see outside of the visible spectrum of light, some are sensitive to smell, and others have position sense. So, I started sketching out possible schematics for a hovering drone that could collect information, including magic signatures." He approached with his Starkpad.
"Did you see the toys that some of the kids have here?" Jane asked, eyes lighting up. "Studying the propulsion alone could set the field of robotics ahead, not to mention particle physics and gravitational analysis. We were talking with Ketilve, the historian, and wow, talk about how behind we are in mathematics, computer science, physics... It's all there, just how we approach it is so different..."
Bruce chuckled and Heimdall looked amused by her enthusiasm. "In other words, yeah, we can probably build a prototype like this in no time."
"Which is good, because we don't want to be a realm of dead people." Tony looked over at Heimdall, open curiosity on his face. "So, how does that vision of yours work? Because if we're looking to hop through different portals back and forth..."
"I can see individuals on all realms. If they are between realms, or in hidden dimensions, then I would not be able to," Heimdall said gravely. He leveled a look at Tony with his golden eyes, which seemed to be enough to put a dampener on his constant sarcasm for the moment. "But I am the Gatekeeper, and I must do my duty."
"Yeah. Not questioning that at all," Tony said, raising his hands in a placating gesture. "But, if we're going to be going dimension hopping or whatever this is going to be, it's going to be a little less stressful to know that you can keep an eye on us, too."
"I serve as observer over Asgard and her interests. This includes all of you working to neutralize the threat."
"Good. Sif and Natasha are talking with the warriors at the palace now, so we'll have more manpower when this all goes down."
"Wait, seriously?" Jane asked, eyes wide. "You're going to take on psycho killers by hunting them to their home world?"
"They came to our planet uninvited. Why not return the favor?" Tony asked, shrugging.
"How will we know if we got there?" Bruce asked, brows furrowing.
"Well, apparently they have Loki's magic mind whammy stick from before," Tony informed them. "Natasha talked to the dead, as creepy as that sounded, and they pretty much confirmed that tidbit. As well as there being a lot more Chitauri out there than we really want there to be for safety's sake."
Bruce sighed and rubbed his temple. "So we're looking for a faint gamma radiation trace within the known cosmos, when there are other natural sources of radiation. Plus the possible magic resonances. And building a hovering scentless probe to take the hit going through the portal if any of the Chitauri are on the other side."
"See? Brilliant mind at work there," Tony replied with a smile. "It's a simple enough plan, really. We can do it."
"Better get started," Bruce agreed with a slight sigh. It didn't help that Jane was grinning and opened her notebook to a brand new page so the four of them could discuss tracking the radiation and resonance traces.
***
Natasha and Bera moved through the forgotten hallways of the palace. Bera kept her head down and basket of washing in her hands, giving credence to the lies she would have to tell if they were found. Natasha followed her closely and silently, knives hidden beneath the dress sleeves and skirt as usual. The outer robe she wore also readily concealed Loki's twin swords, which were in a scabbard at her waist. The maze of corridors let out into the midden area, the stench all but unbearable. "Are you sure that you can trust this man?" Bera asked, voice warbling with her worry. "You've never actually met him, and I know your friends are here for a reason, not just for feasting and partaking in festivities."
"Did you get word to your brothers?" Natasha asked instead, laying a calming hand on Bera's shoulder. At the girl's nod, she smiled. "Good. We don't know what will happen, but they'll be safe with the transfer. My friends are here because there's a silent war going on. The missing jarls and karls are only part of it."
"The mines," Bera murmured. Though Natasha had never told her what was in them, Bera was clever enough to realize that Loki's wan expression at the mere mention of them meant that something very bad had happened there.
"A great evil is coming, hoping to wipe out Asgard. Once Asgard falls, the rest of the Nine Realms will." Natasha thought the words were a bit overkill, to be honest, but it was in keeping with the tone Asgardians tended to speak in. Bera paled and nodded that she understood the importance of what Natasha was doing. "Remember. I work best in shadow, gathering the whispers at the walls. Don't do anything to get noticed."
"I won't," Bera promised.
The shadows shifted slightly on the other side of the open wasteland. "Time to go. Keep your head down and stay safe."
She moved quickly until she found a tall Asgardian skulking about the area. "Konrad," she guessed, though she had never met him in person before.
He nodded as he looked around the area furtively. "You asked me to get word to you if the situation changed at the estates. You have to come with me."
"What's happened?" she asked, voice firm. She wasn't about to leave the relative safety of the palace just yet.
"Lord Falki beat Gilla unconscious," Konrad choked, unable to meet Natasha's eyes. "I've been forbidden from going to the Healers' Hall, but you could."
"And how would I explain a Healer descending on the estate to take care of Gilla?" she asked archly. While she hadn't met Konrad in person before, Gilla had certainly talked about him enough. This did not match her description at all.
And why wasn't he looking her in the eye?
"Konrad, look at me."
"We have to go, Lady Natasha. I don't know how much longer Gilla will last."
When he actually reached out to touch her, Natasha swung the twin swords out from where they were hidden beneath her cloak. The sharp edge didn't break his skin, but it gave him enough pause to stay still. She tapped the underside of his chin with the flat of the blade, then tipped up his chin to look at his face directly.
Instead of the glowingly described green they were supposed to be, they were bloodshot and icy blue, the same color of the Tesseract.
He lunged at her with a wicked looking blade in hand as soon as she realized what she was seeing, but apparently he or his handlers had seriously underestimated her. As much as she knew Gilla cared for Konrad and he normally loved her above all else, Natasha wasn't about to spare him. There was no contest in getting the long knife knocked out of his hand, but the mind control didn't end when Natasha hit him upside the head with the flat of her sword. Or kicked him in the chin, snapping his head up and back into a pillar. Or when she caught him with a roundhouse kick to the jaw and followed with a punch to the solar plexus and then up in the nose with her bare fist. The flop of his head didn't sit right with her, but Natasha didn't place why right away.
Konrad fell to the ground with each blow, then pushed himself back up to feet. He looked at her with those Tesseract blue eyes, intent expression on his face. "You will come with me," he kept saying over and over again.
"I don't think so," she replied, taking Loki's sword firmly in hand. I'm sorry, Gilla, she thought, noticing the odd angle his head was sitting on his neck. Broken. Yet he still moved fairly fluidly for a dead man.
"The Master wants you there," Konrad finally said.
"Tell him I need an engraved invitation," Natasha replied, swinging the sword. It cleanly severed his head from his neck. Only then did the blue light fade from his eyes, and the body fell in a graceless heap to the ground.
Natasha watched sluggish, nearly-clotted blood leak from the wound. Konrad had been dead for several hours, then, and rigor mortis hadn't set in yet. She didn't care about Falki, but Gilla could be in danger. Konrad never would have willingly left her if she was.
Getting her bearings, Natasha broke out into a run, heading for Gilla's estate.
Everything was in chaos when she arrived, and it was easy to slip into the house without being noticed by house staff. There was a fire in one section of the house, close to the storerooms, the fields were overrun with karls that all had Tesseract blue eyes, and some of their neighbors had brought their own karls to help fight them off. Natasha quickly moved through the house, sword hidden beneath her cloak. She moved faster when she heard crashing sounds from the bedroom, as well as muted shouting.
Falki had a riding crop in hand was beating Gilla with it. She was in a white kirtle and light pink underdress, blood staining it in places. She was sprawled across the floor and trying to shield her face and torso as best as she could from the crop. "...brought them here, you ungrateful, barren bitch. I have given you a name and a home, and there has been nothing but disaster." Slap. "These are my lands, my people! Mine! They do not obey you, and you will not undermine my orders ever again!"
His eyes were Tesseract blue as well.
As much as Natasha never would have wanted Gilla to see her kill anyone, Falki was set on beating Gilla to death. She swung her sword before Falki even realized she was there, severing his head from his neck cleanly. Natasha didn't want to think of why there was blood on Gilla's underdress as she grabbed Falki's body. "Get dressed," she told Gilla sharply. "We're getting you out of here."
"But Falki..."
"Do as I say, and we'll get you out of here in a way that will keep you safe."
Gilla nodded, moving creakily. Natasha put the sword back in her scabbard and put Falki's head on his chest. She started dragging the body out of the door as Gilla dressed in one of her heavier dresses, and Natasha quickly headed toward the part of the house where the fires were raging unchecked. Not one servant was in the house now; most were actually outside trying to get well water to put out the fire. It was easy enough to arrange the body under some debris; Asgard didn't seem to care much about forensics, so this would be a convenient enough cover story for Gilla to repeat. The poor woman was so rattled anyway, Natasha refused to feel bad for rearranging her life around. It would have been easier if she simply garroted Falki out in the field somewhere, and Konrad was around to continue being her steward. Natasha had to work with what she had, however.
"Go to your neighbor. Tell them you can't find Falki. Tell them the fire is burning out of control and you need their help for the house."
"What about you?" Gilla asked, pale and jittery. "I can't find Konrad. He left two days ago, but he shouldn't have been gone so long..."
"He's probably looking for you," Natasha lied. It was kinder than telling her the truth. "I'm going to see what I can do about stopping this."
Watching Gilla run out to her neighbors, Natasha sighed. The only way to end this was to stop the Chitauri once and for all.
***
There was no getting around it any longer, really. Too much magic was bound up in her form as it currently was, and even siphoning off power from the Essine Ruby wasn't going to be enough to perform the sheer number of spells that would be necessary. Honestly, Loki didn't care one whit about Stark. But Banner had been kind in his quiet sort of way. Rogers had gone out of his way to try to show Loki a means to earn Natasha's regard, and was a close friend of hers. Barton made no secret of his feelings, but was Natasha's friend as well. And honestly, he could have done far worse while Loki was on Earth in Avengers Tower. It would have been within his power to use the heavy black chains that Natasha had left in his possession, but he had not. He had never abused his power, and neither had Rogers. None of them had. They were not perfect saints, of course, but none had gone out of their way for revenge.
She didn't understand it then, still didn't. They didn't break the illusion that she was Lara except with those that already knew, and were actively trying to help Asgard.
Loki couldn't let them fight this battle while hamstrung. Asgard would burn if she did.
Protection spells, armor spells, shield spells, detection spells, illusion spells... She could do them, but even those spells would break under the sheer volume of Chitauri warriors that would be present on their home world, wherever it was. She closed her eyes, remembering the asteroid that had been devoid of any life yet still housed Thanos, the Other and countless Chitauri awaiting orders silently. Thanos had other generals elsewhere, some looking for the Infinity Gems. Once he had them all in his possession, he could destroy the very fabric of time and space necessary to sustain life. Oh, how Hel would laugh at that.
Head bowed, Loki let the layers of dress and the kirtle fall from her body. This hadn't afforded her further protection or regard. She hadn't understood what she was looking for at the time, either. Now she had better understanding of it, though she still didn't think she could be the creature that Natasha wanted or needed.
If she was completely honest, a rarity in and of itself, Loki knew she had to find something worthy within herself to start with. She didn't know what that could be. She worked magic easily, lied easily, manipulated easily. She wanted control and wanted to give it up. She couldn't trust others but craved having someone to trust. She wasn't good, wasn't the type to give of herself endlessly. Forgiveness and mercy were largely alien concepts. Those weren't ideals she could understand, though Natasha and her friends had the capacity for it.
She was chaos, instability, fury. This was who she was, deep down. Those were aspects she could never change, no matter how hard she tried.
But she would not let Natasha fight the Chitauri without protection. She would not let her go to Helheim, would not let the weight of genocide crush her. The sight of massacres and torture might not give her pause, given the ferocity of humanity, but Loki couldn't let her be subject to it. And because of who they were, her companions couldn't either.
Powerful spells could be made stronger with the energies released by unraveling other powerful spells. Energy could be funneled, transmuted, conserved. That would keep them safe.
And really, it was time. This feminine shell no longer felt safe or comfortable.
Loki had gone with bracelets last time, and this time went with amulets that could be worn against the skin beneath clothing or armor. The amulets were for all of the Avengers, Thor, Sif, Volstagg, Fandral, the three Asgardian generals that volunteered to accompany them, as well as one for herself. Himself. It wouldn't do for Loki to succumb to the Chitauri while the others survived. There was no great wish to visit Helheim anytime soon.
Unraveling the spells so tightly bound into flesh was painful, both mentally and physically. The silencing spells around Natasha's bed had been expanded outward to encompass the entire room, and Loki was glad of it now. Loki screamed, skin sloughing and bones reshaping themselves. It hadn't hurt this much before, but care had been spent in layering the spells slowly. They were now being ripped apart to release as much energy as possible, and that meant ripping everything that made Loki a physical being. She-He-Whatever Loki was, this in between state, hovered over the amulets inscribed with esoteric runes.
He crashed to his knees. He. Maybe. She? Long hair and breasts, cock present. Some kind of mixture between the two. Bones continued to shift and reshape, organs resorbing and others being created out of the mixture.
Loki coughed, blood rising to his lips. Flecks of it fell onto each amulet, and he could feel the magic sinking into the malleable gold. Bending over, he balanced himself on clenched fists and bony knees. He could feel internal organs shift and move, tears rising to his eyes. By the Nine Realms, it hurt, more than Amora's venom had. Screaming and coughing, he continued pulling at the spells he had bound around his body, ripping them apart violently.
By the time he was done, each amulet nearly glowed and pulsed with power. He was lying on his side on the soft carpet, skin oversensitive and raw. He was fully male again, in the Asgardian coloring that his adoptive parents had preferred. We didn't want you to feel different, Frigga had told him. Oh, but she should have known better. He had always been different, always been other.
He sobbed openly, fingers clutching at the carpeting spastically. He could possibly unravel himself farther, go to the Jotunn form he had been born in, but he wouldn't even recognize himself like that. And could Natasha care for a creature that appeared so different, so hideous and monstrous?
No, that wasn't fair. She had accepted his female form immediately, without any kind of recrimination or doubt. It wasn't simply because she found either gender attractive, but because she saw past that. She had known immediately that Loki was the same regardless of shape.
How had she known, yet he hadn't realized it?
Loki lost track of time, possibly passing out due to the pain and exhaustion that crashed into him as the spells unraveled and he wove new ones about the amulets. Everything hurt, and he pushed himself up to a seated position with a guttural moan of pain. He froze when he saw Natasha sitting there nearby, a concerned expression on her face and knives close at hand.
"Just in case the guards barged in," she said, nodding toward the knives. "They'd have a fight on their hands."
Oh. Oh. Loki managed a watery smile at her, and tried to pull at least a thread of magic around himself to fashion into some kind of clothing. It was infinitely soft against his newborn skin, folds and pleats in the dark fabric giving it a semblance of regality. "The amulets are done," he said, his voice a raspy mess. "I unraveled the spells on my person to fuel the ones I needed to place onto them."
"I see," she murmured, gracefully rolling to her feet. The knives were left on the floor. "How are you feeling?"
"Vulnerable," he replied without thinking, lips twitching in a sad smile. "They'll come for me soon, will they not? I'll be beheaded or left swinging from the gallows. But you'll be safe. You and your companions. I did craft one amulet for me should I escape my fate, but it isn't very likely, is it?"
Natasha came forward and rested her fingertips on his lips. "I don't think the palace guards know yet what's going on, and Heimdall won't tell anyone until after we've left."
"A small mercy, then."
Pulling him down by the pleated shirtfront, Natasha gave him a gentle kiss on the lips. "But sometimes those are the things that keep us going."
Loki pulled her flush against him, feeling the burn of the fabric folds pressing and rubbing against his newly formed skin. It was a delicious agony. "If I go to my death, I would have you one last time," he growled against her lips. "I would leave my imprint on your flesh, my ghost upon your skin. I would freeze this moment for an eternity if I could spare the effort, and it still would not be enough time." He stared at her intently, hoping that she understood all that he couldn't bear to say aloud.
Natasha threaded her hands through his soft, wavy hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. "Then you better get started, Loki. Don't worry about me."
His kisses were frenzied against her lips and cheeks and nose, his hands cupped around her chin to keep her in place. Loki choked when Natasha pulled apart the folds in the tunic he had crafted, touching his bare skin. "It's almost too much," he whimpered against her mouth. "I'm too new, too fragile like this."
"Just keep hold of me," Natasha replied, voice soft and gentle. She stroked the skin of his chest, soft and slow, eyes hooded as she contemplated him. "I'll keep you safe."
With a half sob, Loki nodded as he caught her wrist to still her hand. "I know you will. I trust you. You're the only one I trust."
"Take what you need, Loki," Natasha murmured, lifting her other hand to touch his lips gently.
Spinning her around, Natasha grasped the footboard of her bed for balance. Loki lifted her skirts and brushed his fingers against her, using a fragment of magic to get her slick and wet for him. He would not hurt her, would not be selfish in this even if she gave him permission to be. She meant too much to him now, even if he hadn't seen how it could have happened. Buried to the hilt, Loki held onto one breast and her hip tightly, rocking into her but keeping a fraction of space between them to ease the burn in his skin. Leaning his head forward, he touched his forehead to the back of her neck, nearly sobbing as they moved. I love you, he wanted to say, like a prayer he could wind into her skin, yet another protection spell he could give her, one of the small mercies she talked about so much.
But all his plans and hopes and dreams thus far have turned to ashes, and he would not gift her with such a broken thing.
Loki crashed to his knees after spilling inside of her, and Natasha turned around. Sobbing, he clutched her tightly, his face pressed against her stomach and his arms around her legs. "You cannot die, Natasha. I will in your place if I must, but you cannot die."
Her fingers came to rest on the crown of his head, stroking his scalp softly. "Neither of us are going to die, Loki. Chitauri will die, and we'll destroy Thanos and his generals. But we won't die because there's too much work to do. We can't afford to die yet."
He looked up at her, a pleading expression on his face. He didn't care if he knelt in front of her, that he was weak and needy, that he was so tainted by ergi that the stain of it would never wash off. Natasha didn't care about such things, and saw straight into the empty heart of him, yet deigned to watch over him. She protected him. Was that love for her? Was that care something he truly could be worthy of?
Natasha let her fingers fall to his temples. Loki could believe her to be a goddess in that moment, her lips curling into a beatific smile, her hair a bloody halo of braids and curls and jeweled pins all around her face, her eyes blazing with inner fire. "Take a moment, then suit up. Time to get ready for war."
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To Chapter Three - Portals