People who shouldn't be parents
People who shouldn't be parents: Why Gin shouldn't have children
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Word Count: 760
Rating: PG - 13
Summary: Gin is sulking in Aizen's room and talk turns to the possibility of a Chibi Gin for Aizen to raise.
"Cap'n Aizen, ya need someone ta hug!" declared Ichimaru.
"No, I do not," replied Aizen firmly.
"Come on Cap'n Aizen, I ain't say'n ya have to have a proper relationship, just someone ta play with. Who do ya want?" Ichimaru asked.
"Matsumoto Rangiku," said Aizen with a dead pan expression on his face, in a dead pan voice.
Silence. "I can find ya a look alike," offered Gin.
"Gin!" cried Aizen, "I want Matsumoto-kun about as much as I want you!" Aizen assured him, "Which is to say, not at all! For crying out loud I have known her since she was a child! Only Kyoraku can hit on a woman he's known since she was a very little girl."
"Cap'n eight just likes girls with black 'air and glasses," replied Gin, "I 'eard he used ta have the hots for that Lisa chick, I wonder what happened ta 'er and the others."
"Failed experiments do not concern me," replied Aizen indifferently, "Now go away!"
"Come-on Cap'n Aizen! There got ta be someone ya like?" pestered Gin.
"Gin don't you have anything better to do?" demanded Aizen, "Go play with Kira-kun or go cuddle with Matsumoto-kun. In fact, go do anything that does't involve you lying in my office pestering me."
"I ain't talk'n to either of those two traitors," said Gin grumpily, "They have both been spend'n too much time with people who ain't me."
"... so is that why you are lounging here concealing your reiatsu," said Aizen, "Honestly Gin, for all that you look like an adult, you are so very childish."
"Speak'n of kids," said Ichimaru, "I should get Rangiku pregnant, that'll stop 'er from fool'n around," he declared, "As for Izuru... yes that'll stop 'im from spend'n too much time drink'n with Abarai and Hisagi, cause he'll have to babysit! Cause that'll be trouble fer ya as well, Cap'n Aizen, because you'll have to do the rais'n part of child rais'n fer me and Rangiku. I mean, everybody knows me and Rangiku are too selfish ta be good parents. Although you ain't exactly selfless... but I suppose ya did a good job with me! But then I was already a child... but it's ok me and Rangiku will look after it while it's a baby and then when kid's old enough ta have his own zanpakuto we'll palm 'im off ta ya! Won't you love having a chibi me in yer squad again!"
"Whatever it takes to get you to leave my office," replied Aizen indifferently, "Leave Gin!"
"Now I am not in the mood ta make a baby no more," said Gin with a pout, "So I'm just gonna stay right 'ere!"
"Please forgive me Captain Aizen," called Hinamori from the outside the door, "But I have the report you asked for."
"Come in, Hinamori-kun," said Aizen.
As soon as Hinamori's eyes feel on Ichimaru she froze, "My apologies I didn't mean to interrupt your meeting," she said formally, addressing both Ichimaru and Aizen.
"Well since yer 'ere ya can give yer opinion, Hinamori-kun," said Ichimaru, "Do ya think Cap'n Aizen did a good job rais'n me? More importantly, do ya think Cap'n Aizen would do a good job rais'n my kid?"
"Ha?"
Aizen sighed, "Gin, anyone who hides in my office because he's throwing a temper tantrum over his subordinate and his girlfriend spending too much time with their friends instead of himself is decades, if not centuries away from being ready to father children!" he said.
"Yer no fun, Cap'n Aizen," protested Gin with a pout, "Fine! I think I'll go mess with Rukia-chan. That'll cheer me up!"
"He's not serious about having a baby is he?" demanded Hinamori when Ichimaru had left. She actually managed to look frightened at the prospect.
"I certainly hope not," said Aizen, "He's been threatening to have one for the last decade or so. But a baby is yet to materialise. I think he's afraid."
"Afraid of babies?" wondered Hinamori.
"In a manner of speaking," replied Aizen, "He's afraid of having a baby boy. Gin would love to have a baby girl. Gin would hate to have a baby boy."
"Why doesn't he want a boy?" asked Hinamori.
"Because when you mother is Matsumoto Rangiku, the Oedipus complex is not out of the realm of possibility," replied Aizen.
"Ewwww!" exclaimed Hinamori.
"Ewww indeed," agreed Aizen.
Author's note: I know that Aizen and Gin are borderline out-of-character but I was just having fun.
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Word Count: 760
Rating: PG - 13
Summary: Gin is sulking in Aizen's room and talk turns to the possibility of a Chibi Gin for Aizen to raise.
"Cap'n Aizen, ya need someone ta hug!" declared Ichimaru.
"No, I do not," replied Aizen firmly.
"Come on Cap'n Aizen, I ain't say'n ya have to have a proper relationship, just someone ta play with. Who do ya want?" Ichimaru asked.
"Matsumoto Rangiku," said Aizen with a dead pan expression on his face, in a dead pan voice.
Silence. "I can find ya a look alike," offered Gin.
"Gin!" cried Aizen, "I want Matsumoto-kun about as much as I want you!" Aizen assured him, "Which is to say, not at all! For crying out loud I have known her since she was a child! Only Kyoraku can hit on a woman he's known since she was a very little girl."
"Cap'n eight just likes girls with black 'air and glasses," replied Gin, "I 'eard he used ta have the hots for that Lisa chick, I wonder what happened ta 'er and the others."
"Failed experiments do not concern me," replied Aizen indifferently, "Now go away!"
"Come-on Cap'n Aizen! There got ta be someone ya like?" pestered Gin.
"Gin don't you have anything better to do?" demanded Aizen, "Go play with Kira-kun or go cuddle with Matsumoto-kun. In fact, go do anything that does't involve you lying in my office pestering me."
"I ain't talk'n to either of those two traitors," said Gin grumpily, "They have both been spend'n too much time with people who ain't me."
"... so is that why you are lounging here concealing your reiatsu," said Aizen, "Honestly Gin, for all that you look like an adult, you are so very childish."
"Speak'n of kids," said Ichimaru, "I should get Rangiku pregnant, that'll stop 'er from fool'n around," he declared, "As for Izuru... yes that'll stop 'im from spend'n too much time drink'n with Abarai and Hisagi, cause he'll have to babysit! Cause that'll be trouble fer ya as well, Cap'n Aizen, because you'll have to do the rais'n part of child rais'n fer me and Rangiku. I mean, everybody knows me and Rangiku are too selfish ta be good parents. Although you ain't exactly selfless... but I suppose ya did a good job with me! But then I was already a child... but it's ok me and Rangiku will look after it while it's a baby and then when kid's old enough ta have his own zanpakuto we'll palm 'im off ta ya! Won't you love having a chibi me in yer squad again!"
"Whatever it takes to get you to leave my office," replied Aizen indifferently, "Leave Gin!"
"Now I am not in the mood ta make a baby no more," said Gin with a pout, "So I'm just gonna stay right 'ere!"
"Please forgive me Captain Aizen," called Hinamori from the outside the door, "But I have the report you asked for."
"Come in, Hinamori-kun," said Aizen.
As soon as Hinamori's eyes feel on Ichimaru she froze, "My apologies I didn't mean to interrupt your meeting," she said formally, addressing both Ichimaru and Aizen.
"Well since yer 'ere ya can give yer opinion, Hinamori-kun," said Ichimaru, "Do ya think Cap'n Aizen did a good job rais'n me? More importantly, do ya think Cap'n Aizen would do a good job rais'n my kid?"
"Ha?"
Aizen sighed, "Gin, anyone who hides in my office because he's throwing a temper tantrum over his subordinate and his girlfriend spending too much time with their friends instead of himself is decades, if not centuries away from being ready to father children!" he said.
"Yer no fun, Cap'n Aizen," protested Gin with a pout, "Fine! I think I'll go mess with Rukia-chan. That'll cheer me up!"
"He's not serious about having a baby is he?" demanded Hinamori when Ichimaru had left. She actually managed to look frightened at the prospect.
"I certainly hope not," said Aizen, "He's been threatening to have one for the last decade or so. But a baby is yet to materialise. I think he's afraid."
"Afraid of babies?" wondered Hinamori.
"In a manner of speaking," replied Aizen, "He's afraid of having a baby boy. Gin would love to have a baby girl. Gin would hate to have a baby boy."
"Why doesn't he want a boy?" asked Hinamori.
"Because when you mother is Matsumoto Rangiku, the Oedipus complex is not out of the realm of possibility," replied Aizen.
"Ewwww!" exclaimed Hinamori.
"Ewww indeed," agreed Aizen.
Author's note: I know that Aizen and Gin are borderline out-of-character but I was just having fun.