[fic] Our Environment - Chapter One
Ward stepped into the cool air, sharp and crisp against his face. It was a new start today. Today, he and Fons will travel around and depend on each other without the safe security of a pack and territory. He shifted uneasily in the morning snow as the rest of the pack huddled in the doorway, suddenly unsure about this new step in life.
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This is a very promising start. The mental image of Ward's traveling coat left me bewildered until I looked up some images of the military coat and Edward's typical one. They are surprisingly similar. I assume the collar of the military-style one became part of the hood? Also, the "pouches" have me confused. Are they just pockets?
I liked the different reactions of each pack member: how Flash went for aesthetics, and Havo was more focused on pack. You get a good sense of their priorities in relationships from that.
The handholding was very sweet! I also enjoyed Fons' persistent curiosity about the road, with Ward's attendant exasperation (very in-character for both of them). That scene made me grin.
My concrit today is lots of tiny stuff. I think the better you write the more nitpicky I'm going to get, sorry.
Today, he and Fons will travel around and depend on each other without the safe security of a pack and territory. "Safe security" is redundant, but if you're wanting Edward's voice to ( ... )
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Tiny crit (and large) is awesome! Although I won't be able to fix it just yet. I've only logged on for email/to post the next chapter. BUT I will fix it soon! Probably in three days or so, heheh.
Advice and reading greatly appreciated!
Yours in zoofic
Hunters
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