Ughhh I think I got someone attached to me again. Luckily long distance so it could be worse but jfc. I have a tumblr mutual that i've been talking to and like, we're super compatible sex-wise. So we've been having really really hot phone sex and it's really been helping me get comfortable with sex again after being sexually assaulted. He's got a ( Read more... )

Man, the more I think about the time grillboy saw my scars, grabbed my arm and said "this upsets me :C", the more pissed off I get. Like...holy shit there's just SO MUCH to it. I don't even know where to start to just express how fucking rude and intrusive and IGNORANT that one statement was, but i'll try. Let's make a list! Lists are fun. Also for ( Read more... )

I'm currently in the throes of a deep depression and on prednisone so I don't know if this is the reason, but holy shit I cannot stop ruminating on bullshit. Particularly the grillboy bullshit. And i'm still fucking angry. I've been trying to hold back on the ranting because lord knows my friends and family have heard it a million times, but I ( Read more... )

I don't know what the fuck my brain is doing. Like, all I want to listen to is music that makes me happy. But i'm really, REALLY fucking depressed. And the music that I want to listen to is triggering the happy feels I usually get from it, but that's just fueling my sadness. It's like it's making me nostalgic for good feelings that I used to have. ( Read more... )

Oh man, I just thought of something else today that makes me want to deck Grillboy in the fucking face, but is also kind of hilarious because he seriously thought he could pull it off ( Read more... )

Wow, I just came to yet another shitty realization. So, I knew A (who I'm going to refer to as Grillboy from now on) wanted to get in my pants from the start. And I had a strong suspicion that he thought the first few times we hung out were "dates" (I was right). So after that, he messaged me one night and here's where I fucked up. He said he had a ( Read more... )

New goals ( Read more... )

So yesterday and today I discovered I've developed a whole new set of triggers! Yay! I totally needed more intrusive thoughts on top of the near-constant ones I already have. I've figured out that the phrase "enjoying yourself/myself" immediately brings back vivid memories of the first time A fucked me. I've also discovered that seeing 9" dildos or ( Read more... )

Still in rage mode. Thankfully it's not so constant, but now it's coming through as intrusive thoughts and more concentrated anger -_- like I needed more of that. Ugh. I just keep thinking of stupid shit A said and did that was just so like... embarrassingly weird and wrong to the point that it was actually pathetic. And don't get me started on the ( Read more... )

I'm still so fucking mad. Shit, where do I even start? Every time I think about you I just remember more and more shit you said and did that just pisses me the fuck off. The worst part is you seriously think you're so fucking innocent and such a good person. You seriously can't see anything past your own asshole. Let me tell you something. People ( Read more... )