[Fic] Draw me like one of your French girls
Title: Draw me like one of your French girls
Author: thewaterbandit
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Very silly
Rating: B for Bawdy
Summary: Yeah, this is the silliest thing I've written. And this is from the person who wrote a Wild West crossover.
Hawke had come home to many strange things since he had moved into the Estate. Merrill swinging from the chandelier, for example. Sandal, smoke blackening his face, turning guiltily from a hole in the carpet and a small fire on the ceiling. Dog had started collecting the viscount's messengers as a present for his master. But this probably topped the list.
"Isabela." he said slowly, his eyes firmly fixed on the ceiling. "Why are you drawing Varric naked on a couch in my library?"
"Oh, hello Hawke." Isabela didn't look up. "Actually, I'm drawing a nude."
Somewhere in Hawke's peripheral vision, Varric winked and waved, causing the human to retrain his eyes on the sconces. Maker, that chest hair.
"Varric. Couch." His voice was becoming increasingly strangled. "Naked."
"Nude." Isabela corrected, then held her stick of charcoal out at arm's length and closed one eye. "Varric wanted some pictures of me for his latest story. I agreed, but only if I got payment in kind. And, well, your house is the only one we know that has such a nice couch. Take a look." She gestured to a pile of parchment lying next to her. "Our Ser Tethras is pretty good at drawing, you know."
"It's one of my many talents." Varric confirmed modestly.
Hawke glanced at the pictures, blushed like a beacon and shut his eyes firmly. Some of those poses, he was sure, weren't even physically possible.
"Who even let you in?!"
"I told Bodhan we were meeting you for an art lesson."
Hawke made a mental note to explain to Bodhan about the concept of white lies. "Did you tell him you were both going to be naked?"
There was a snap as Isabela put down her charcoal and folded her arms. There were smoky black stains all over her arms and hands and- Hawke cracked one eye open, then hastily shut it again- her chest. "I wish you would use the proper term. Nudes are much more tasteful. Cultural."
"Improving." Varric added from the couch. "It's Art."
"I'm going to have to have that couch re-upholstered." Hawke sighed, his eyes still screwed tightly shut. "And I just spent the last of the gold from the expedition."
"Hmmm." Hawke could just hear the leer in the dwarf's voice. "I can think of a way for you to earn some quick money."
---
Seizing contraband was part of every guard's duty. Unfortunately for Aveline, it was her turn this time to go through it. They'd gotten another cart of proscribed material from a raid at the Blooming Rose. More of Varric's tenpenny trash, by the looks of things. Aveline shook her head and turned one over, then started. The colour reproduction on the print was poor, and she'd never seen him in quite such a... state, but-
She'd know that beard anywhere.
"Hawke!"
Author: thewaterbandit
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Very silly
Rating: B for Bawdy
Summary: Yeah, this is the silliest thing I've written. And this is from the person who wrote a Wild West crossover.
Hawke had come home to many strange things since he had moved into the Estate. Merrill swinging from the chandelier, for example. Sandal, smoke blackening his face, turning guiltily from a hole in the carpet and a small fire on the ceiling. Dog had started collecting the viscount's messengers as a present for his master. But this probably topped the list.
"Isabela." he said slowly, his eyes firmly fixed on the ceiling. "Why are you drawing Varric naked on a couch in my library?"
"Oh, hello Hawke." Isabela didn't look up. "Actually, I'm drawing a nude."
Somewhere in Hawke's peripheral vision, Varric winked and waved, causing the human to retrain his eyes on the sconces. Maker, that chest hair.
"Varric. Couch." His voice was becoming increasingly strangled. "Naked."
"Nude." Isabela corrected, then held her stick of charcoal out at arm's length and closed one eye. "Varric wanted some pictures of me for his latest story. I agreed, but only if I got payment in kind. And, well, your house is the only one we know that has such a nice couch. Take a look." She gestured to a pile of parchment lying next to her. "Our Ser Tethras is pretty good at drawing, you know."
"It's one of my many talents." Varric confirmed modestly.
Hawke glanced at the pictures, blushed like a beacon and shut his eyes firmly. Some of those poses, he was sure, weren't even physically possible.
"Who even let you in?!"
"I told Bodhan we were meeting you for an art lesson."
Hawke made a mental note to explain to Bodhan about the concept of white lies. "Did you tell him you were both going to be naked?"
There was a snap as Isabela put down her charcoal and folded her arms. There were smoky black stains all over her arms and hands and- Hawke cracked one eye open, then hastily shut it again- her chest. "I wish you would use the proper term. Nudes are much more tasteful. Cultural."
"Improving." Varric added from the couch. "It's Art."
"I'm going to have to have that couch re-upholstered." Hawke sighed, his eyes still screwed tightly shut. "And I just spent the last of the gold from the expedition."
"Hmmm." Hawke could just hear the leer in the dwarf's voice. "I can think of a way for you to earn some quick money."
---
Seizing contraband was part of every guard's duty. Unfortunately for Aveline, it was her turn this time to go through it. They'd gotten another cart of proscribed material from a raid at the Blooming Rose. More of Varric's tenpenny trash, by the looks of things. Aveline shook her head and turned one over, then started. The colour reproduction on the print was poor, and she'd never seen him in quite such a... state, but-
She'd know that beard anywhere.
"Hawke!"