Comments | dot_poly_snark: Paranoid much?

bluecurious in dot_poly_snark

Paranoid much?

Jun 14, 2009 21:15

I'm totally poly --I just don't trust any woman who might want a relationship with my man!"

repeat offender, commenter's personal issues interfering

Comments 33

marcmagus June 15 2009, 03:38:17 UTC

Regarding their reply to you:

If I'm going to get "squicked out" because somebody in the midst of NRE with my partner is ridiculously overenthusiastic like a slobbery puppy to a point that's mildly embarassing . . . well, I'm not going to be very good at this whole poly thing, am I?

ink_books_punk June 15 2009, 03:50:35 UTC

Since when does being poly mean we have to be ok with some near-stranger acting like a possessive idiot after a single IRL meeting? Having a bad feeling about "somebody in the midst of NRE with my partner is ridiculously overenthusiastic like a slobbery puppy to a point that's mildly embarassing" after only three weeks of online chats doesn't make them ill-suited to polyamory.

marcmagus June 15 2009, 03:59:26 UTC

I think there's a big continuum between "having a bad feeling" and "being squicked out" [with the context suggesting a sufficiently negative reaction to veto the partner based on it].

ink_books_punk June 15 2009, 04:05:13 UTC

Really? What is the technical definition of "squicked out"? The OP stated that she based her veto on a lot of things, including the OSO editing her husband's online profile, telling him to lie to his wife, the "overenthusiastic" response, as well as other things, and her decision was reinforced by a death threat. I think it's a little premature to want to take away her poly card for that decision, especially when you consider that it was in their first poly relationship ever.

Thread 8

singingdragon June 15 2009, 04:08:01 UTC

"The best advice I can give you in your situation is to avoid this random list of my own personal pet peeves."

Yeah, she doesn't seem to have a good grasp of the difference between specific anecdote and generalized advice, but comments further down make me think that her anecdote was actually about an untrustworthy person. It just seems like it would have been more useful to talk about, you know, the ACTUAL untrustworthy behaviors, instead of how she... what, dislikes enthusiasm? I'm not even sure.

just_the_ash June 15 2009, 05:59:38 UTC

The list was pretty vague, wasn't it? I loved the one about "Don't try to persuade him to grow/shave facial hair or get a tattoo or a piercing." Facial hair grows back/can be shaved again, but if the guy is so deep into NRE that he comes home with (a) a large portion of skin significantly and permanently altered, or (b) a big honkin' Prince Albert, then he just might be the one with the stability problem.

cumaeansibyl June 15 2009, 04:32:15 UTC

vvvexation June 15 2009, 04:41:14 UTC

"I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member"?

cumaeansibyl June 15 2009, 04:43:14 UTC

you know... elfstartwinkle June 15 2009, 06:16:52 UTC

I'd be interested to find out if her husband had EVER found someone she could approve of him dating. I'm guessing 'no'

Re: you know... cinema_babe June 15 2009, 11:45:18 UTC

You would probably be right. I've seen her say that he's not allowed to have another relationship because he handled the first one so badly.

Re: you know... elfstartwinkle June 15 2009, 14:29:40 UTC

Well, everyone gets everything 100% perfect the first time they do it. That's not just me, right?

good lord. That's so sick and sad.

luna_torquill June 15 2009, 06:48:08 UTC

Wow... I guess you really can blame a girl for trying. :)

I've run into people interested in my partner who do at least half the things on that list... I smile, grit my teeth, and remind myself of how clueless I get when I have NRE. I guess that lady has never had that insight.