I See You're Writing Again

[desire_of_nymph]

Under the cut is my first entry for brigits_flame. The prompt was 'heavy' and this is what I came up with. Don't feel obligated to read it, but if you do feedback is always welcome. Not very often that I write something in the fiction genre and show it to other people. Got the idea... actually, I'm not fully sure of where I got the whole idea for this from. I

Comments

[searchingstars]

That was brilliant. Truly brilliant.

[desire_of_nymph]

Thankies :)

[willfully]

Awww, I liked that. :)

[desire_of_nymph]

Hee, thanks :)

[augustuscaesar]

I really liked the metaphor of it :)

[desire_of_nymph]

Thank you! I'm glad that you noticed that, it took me awhile to figure out how best to work it in :) Here's to hoping people on that community like it too.

[jackiesjunkie]

Nice work! There's a lot of emotion and feeling in the words.

[desire_of_nymph]

I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and thought it well done :)

[intermezzo_poet]

Beautiful.

My favorite part is this: "Neither of them said anything until she sort of slumped back against a tree with her eyes closed. 'My kidney's are failing.'

It was an unusually cold day for summer, but that had nothing to do with the chill that ran down his spine. 'What?'"

Between her confession and his comprehension, you've managed a perfect pause--long enough to let the weight of her words seep in, and long enough for the reader to imagine the terrifying silence between confession and response. So many writers forget the pause, forget that crucial split-second between words. That's the most important part, I think, and you executed it beautifully.

Excellent work. :)

[desire_of_nymph]

Thanks :D That was one of my more favorite parts of the piece as well, especially since it took so long to get 'perfected'.