Matters of the Heart IV (Transitioning Hearts)
Title: Matters of the Heart IV
Rating: NC-17 for later chapters
Summary: Sometimes the journey of two hearts is one steeped in joy, pain and sorrow, and if we are lucky we're better because of it. Interconnecting one-shots covering a number of years.
Disclaimer: Star Trek and all associated characters are not mine.
A/N: No beta review, please excuse any errors. BELATED HAPPY 2011 to all my readers.
IV: Transitioning Hearts - In which loss is confronted
2258
The vessel was state of the art, the best in Starfleet engineering. She was designed to protect the Federation from dangerous enemies even as she explored the edges of the alpha and beta quadrants. However, at this moment, the U. S.S. Enterprise limped home on impulse power. Her body scarred, her rooms overcrowded with the angry, the dazed and the grieving.
Four days ago, Sarek had been a man content with most of his life. His chosen profession was not without aggravation, but the rewards it brought Vulcan and the Federation made it worthwhile. Of course, there was also Amanda, his lovely wife of forty-two years. She gave up much to be with him, never once complaining about life on his harsh world. He had been honest with Spock when he confessed his love for Amanda, the words hidden behind a wall of light detachment. Words he never told his beloved wife. Over the years, he had shown her how much she meant to him with his every touch and lingering gaze. A part of him always knew it was never quite enough for her Human heart. Illogically, he wished to go back in time and whisper those three simple words against her ear.
From his seat in the darkened observation desk, Sarek could see the cold glittering lights of space, as they elongated and stretched in an illusion created by the ship’s impulse speed. Nero, the Romulan was dead, the Federation was safe. Still, Vulcan, Amanda and most of his people were gone. In that violent moment when it all imploded, the part of his soul belonging to his wife had died. In its place was a newfound anger at the universe. The only thing keeping it in check was fact that his son survived this ordeal. He would not be alone. Repairing his damaged relationship with Spock was now a priority.
Light footsteps interrupted his dark musings. Sarek shifted in his chair and watched the Enterprise acting chief communications officer walked to the large window in front of him. For silent minutes, he watched her stand ramrod straight, gazing out into the eternal night before them. For the first time since coming aboard, he let his thoughts dwell solely on her. He remembered the first meaningful glance he witnessed between her and Spock, and the rumour of their display of affection in the transporter room. He decided that he wished to speak to her.
“Lieutenant Uhura.”
Her shoulders stiffened for a moment and then she turned around to face him. “Ambassador,” she said, smoothing a hand down the front of her wrinkled uniform. “I thought I was alone.”
“Pardon the intrusion. Would you mind sharing my company?”
“The honour is mine, sir,” she replied with a small smile.
Sarek rose from his chair, a fine tremble wracking his body as he went to join her before the window. Days without sleep and meditation, combined with stress had begun to take its toll on him.
“It is beautiful, isn’t it?” The lieutenant gestured to the view outside the ship.
He looked at her face and saw unshed tears in her eyes. “Beauty can be found in even the most desolate of places.”
“I’ve always loved the stars. As a child, I swore I would make my life among them. I just never thought my career would begin this way.”
“My observations of you indicate you are coping as well as can be expected.”
“You’ve been watching me?”
Her voice took on a quality that made him think he had unnerved her somewhat. “I find myself interested in all of the bridge crew, but you in particular have held my attention.”
She turned to face him, her large eyes focussed on his. “And why is that, Ambassador?”
Sarek decided to play along, if only to take his mind away from the hungry gaping hole that threatened his equilibrium. “I am aware that there is something profoundly deeper than a casual relationship between you and my son.”
Lieutenant Uhura returned her gaze to the stars. Her hands once more smoothed the front of her uniform and Sarek realised it was a nervous gesture.
“Are we that obvious?”
“Not at all, Lieutenant, Vulcans are very perceptive of emotions in others.”
She frowned. “I always believed the opposite to be true.”
“We spend our entire lives suppressing our emotions or we purge them completely and in so doing, we are attuned to them on an almost instinctual level. That and I know my son very well.”
“I wonder; can a Human succeed in removing all feelings?”
An odd question Sarek reflected. The young woman had an interesting way of moving a conversation forward. “While we have had a number of Humans who became students of Vulcan philosophy, I have never heard of any achieving kolinahr, much less maintaining it.”
“A pity,” she whispered.
Arching a brow, he wondered at the many emotions she was currently broadcasting. They washed over his frayed defences in an unsteady wave. It was as if until her last comment, she had been hidden behind an opaque wall. He debated ending their conversation and leaving. Instead, he pushed aside his discomfort and remained at her side.
“Some Vulcans would agree with you. I am not one of them.”
“I have been numb ever since the Narada was destroyed. And you know what Ambassador?” she asked, folding her arms tightly. “I welcomed it. Being frozen meant I wouldn’t have to deal with the emotional aftermath of what happened.”
Now he knew why she stood here with her unshed tears. “But...” he prompted nevertheless.
“But the numbness has begun to fade. I find myself drowning in my grief and anger. Without emotions this would not be a problem.”
Sarek suspected that in this dark quiet place, the lieutenant had just revealed something intensely personal. He felt like a voyeur, glimpsing into a part of her not many saw. Remarkably, he also felt privileged that she opened up to him, especially under the extraordinary circumstances fate dealt them.
“When Vulcan ceased to be, every Vulcan within the vicinity experienced the horror of those who died, a psionic backlash from so many telepaths dying at one instant. That incident will haunt us all for the rest of our lives, even those of us without emotions. Therefore, we are all going to face an emotional consequence, some more so than others.”
She sighed and a few minutes passed before she spoke, “I suppose I’ll just have to deal with it.”
...just have to deal with it. Humans had such an interesting play with words. As he thought about what she said, Sarek understood that he too needed to deal with it. It was this avoidance that hampered his every attempt to meditate.
“And you Ambassador, how are you fee... coping?”
Her question startled him. Doctor McCoy was the only person who had asked after his disposition, and he was doing his duty as a physician. Not even Spock had asked; although they had spent time together remembering what was loss. “It has been difficult.”
“Unfortunately sir, I have no words of wisdom to offer, but I am confident that you’ll be fine.”
“Such conviction in belief for someone you have just met, why?”
“I base my words on knowing Spock. The man he is must have been partially shaped by you and your wife.”
He nodded grateful for her comment. He could see why Spock cared for this young woman whose steely resolve reminded him of Amanda. She claimed to have no words of wisdom and yet, Sarek had to admit something new stirred within him. “Before I leave you, Lieutenant, I have one request to make.”
“Yes?” she asked, looking at him expectantly.
“I believe my son can benefit from your companionship in these trying days. Allow him to release his pain through you, and do not hesitate to seek his comfort in return.”
After an intense stillness in which he thought she might indeed shed those tears, Lieutenant Uhura smiled. Her first genuine smile since she entered the room. “Thank you,” she said and he could see that she recognized the significance hidden within his suggestion.
***
Later that night as Sarek sat before a burning candle, he allowed the anguish and anger of these past days to uncurl within the layers of his mind. While he sank into their midst, he felt truly ready to begin processing them, and in so doing, he had taken the first step toward healing.
At the opposite end of the same deck, within the first officer’s quarters, Nyota Uhura leaned her head against Spock’s shoulders and allowed herself to let go. When she had shown up at his door, he must have sensed her need because he had immediately offered her his embrace. He remained silent never once commenting on the late hour or her tears. Their future was uncertain but for now, they had each other.
****
A/N: My first attempt at writing Sarek, I hope I did justice to his voice. This started out with both his and Uhura’s POV, but he demanded to be heard all the way through.
Part V
Rating: NC-17 for later chapters
Summary: Sometimes the journey of two hearts is one steeped in joy, pain and sorrow, and if we are lucky we're better because of it. Interconnecting one-shots covering a number of years.
Disclaimer: Star Trek and all associated characters are not mine.
A/N: No beta review, please excuse any errors. BELATED HAPPY 2011 to all my readers.
IV: Transitioning Hearts - In which loss is confronted
2258
The vessel was state of the art, the best in Starfleet engineering. She was designed to protect the Federation from dangerous enemies even as she explored the edges of the alpha and beta quadrants. However, at this moment, the U. S.S. Enterprise limped home on impulse power. Her body scarred, her rooms overcrowded with the angry, the dazed and the grieving.
Four days ago, Sarek had been a man content with most of his life. His chosen profession was not without aggravation, but the rewards it brought Vulcan and the Federation made it worthwhile. Of course, there was also Amanda, his lovely wife of forty-two years. She gave up much to be with him, never once complaining about life on his harsh world. He had been honest with Spock when he confessed his love for Amanda, the words hidden behind a wall of light detachment. Words he never told his beloved wife. Over the years, he had shown her how much she meant to him with his every touch and lingering gaze. A part of him always knew it was never quite enough for her Human heart. Illogically, he wished to go back in time and whisper those three simple words against her ear.
From his seat in the darkened observation desk, Sarek could see the cold glittering lights of space, as they elongated and stretched in an illusion created by the ship’s impulse speed. Nero, the Romulan was dead, the Federation was safe. Still, Vulcan, Amanda and most of his people were gone. In that violent moment when it all imploded, the part of his soul belonging to his wife had died. In its place was a newfound anger at the universe. The only thing keeping it in check was fact that his son survived this ordeal. He would not be alone. Repairing his damaged relationship with Spock was now a priority.
Light footsteps interrupted his dark musings. Sarek shifted in his chair and watched the Enterprise acting chief communications officer walked to the large window in front of him. For silent minutes, he watched her stand ramrod straight, gazing out into the eternal night before them. For the first time since coming aboard, he let his thoughts dwell solely on her. He remembered the first meaningful glance he witnessed between her and Spock, and the rumour of their display of affection in the transporter room. He decided that he wished to speak to her.
“Lieutenant Uhura.”
Her shoulders stiffened for a moment and then she turned around to face him. “Ambassador,” she said, smoothing a hand down the front of her wrinkled uniform. “I thought I was alone.”
“Pardon the intrusion. Would you mind sharing my company?”
“The honour is mine, sir,” she replied with a small smile.
Sarek rose from his chair, a fine tremble wracking his body as he went to join her before the window. Days without sleep and meditation, combined with stress had begun to take its toll on him.
“It is beautiful, isn’t it?” The lieutenant gestured to the view outside the ship.
He looked at her face and saw unshed tears in her eyes. “Beauty can be found in even the most desolate of places.”
“I’ve always loved the stars. As a child, I swore I would make my life among them. I just never thought my career would begin this way.”
“My observations of you indicate you are coping as well as can be expected.”
“You’ve been watching me?”
Her voice took on a quality that made him think he had unnerved her somewhat. “I find myself interested in all of the bridge crew, but you in particular have held my attention.”
She turned to face him, her large eyes focussed on his. “And why is that, Ambassador?”
Sarek decided to play along, if only to take his mind away from the hungry gaping hole that threatened his equilibrium. “I am aware that there is something profoundly deeper than a casual relationship between you and my son.”
Lieutenant Uhura returned her gaze to the stars. Her hands once more smoothed the front of her uniform and Sarek realised it was a nervous gesture.
“Are we that obvious?”
“Not at all, Lieutenant, Vulcans are very perceptive of emotions in others.”
She frowned. “I always believed the opposite to be true.”
“We spend our entire lives suppressing our emotions or we purge them completely and in so doing, we are attuned to them on an almost instinctual level. That and I know my son very well.”
“I wonder; can a Human succeed in removing all feelings?”
An odd question Sarek reflected. The young woman had an interesting way of moving a conversation forward. “While we have had a number of Humans who became students of Vulcan philosophy, I have never heard of any achieving kolinahr, much less maintaining it.”
“A pity,” she whispered.
Arching a brow, he wondered at the many emotions she was currently broadcasting. They washed over his frayed defences in an unsteady wave. It was as if until her last comment, she had been hidden behind an opaque wall. He debated ending their conversation and leaving. Instead, he pushed aside his discomfort and remained at her side.
“Some Vulcans would agree with you. I am not one of them.”
“I have been numb ever since the Narada was destroyed. And you know what Ambassador?” she asked, folding her arms tightly. “I welcomed it. Being frozen meant I wouldn’t have to deal with the emotional aftermath of what happened.”
Now he knew why she stood here with her unshed tears. “But...” he prompted nevertheless.
“But the numbness has begun to fade. I find myself drowning in my grief and anger. Without emotions this would not be a problem.”
Sarek suspected that in this dark quiet place, the lieutenant had just revealed something intensely personal. He felt like a voyeur, glimpsing into a part of her not many saw. Remarkably, he also felt privileged that she opened up to him, especially under the extraordinary circumstances fate dealt them.
“When Vulcan ceased to be, every Vulcan within the vicinity experienced the horror of those who died, a psionic backlash from so many telepaths dying at one instant. That incident will haunt us all for the rest of our lives, even those of us without emotions. Therefore, we are all going to face an emotional consequence, some more so than others.”
She sighed and a few minutes passed before she spoke, “I suppose I’ll just have to deal with it.”
...just have to deal with it. Humans had such an interesting play with words. As he thought about what she said, Sarek understood that he too needed to deal with it. It was this avoidance that hampered his every attempt to meditate.
“And you Ambassador, how are you fee... coping?”
Her question startled him. Doctor McCoy was the only person who had asked after his disposition, and he was doing his duty as a physician. Not even Spock had asked; although they had spent time together remembering what was loss. “It has been difficult.”
“Unfortunately sir, I have no words of wisdom to offer, but I am confident that you’ll be fine.”
“Such conviction in belief for someone you have just met, why?”
“I base my words on knowing Spock. The man he is must have been partially shaped by you and your wife.”
He nodded grateful for her comment. He could see why Spock cared for this young woman whose steely resolve reminded him of Amanda. She claimed to have no words of wisdom and yet, Sarek had to admit something new stirred within him. “Before I leave you, Lieutenant, I have one request to make.”
“Yes?” she asked, looking at him expectantly.
“I believe my son can benefit from your companionship in these trying days. Allow him to release his pain through you, and do not hesitate to seek his comfort in return.”
After an intense stillness in which he thought she might indeed shed those tears, Lieutenant Uhura smiled. Her first genuine smile since she entered the room. “Thank you,” she said and he could see that she recognized the significance hidden within his suggestion.
***
Later that night as Sarek sat before a burning candle, he allowed the anguish and anger of these past days to uncurl within the layers of his mind. While he sank into their midst, he felt truly ready to begin processing them, and in so doing, he had taken the first step toward healing.
At the opposite end of the same deck, within the first officer’s quarters, Nyota Uhura leaned her head against Spock’s shoulders and allowed herself to let go. When she had shown up at his door, he must have sensed her need because he had immediately offered her his embrace. He remained silent never once commenting on the late hour or her tears. Their future was uncertain but for now, they had each other.
****
A/N: My first attempt at writing Sarek, I hope I did justice to his voice. This started out with both his and Uhura’s POV, but he demanded to be heard all the way through.
Part V