nerves?

[darlin_sane]

I'm sitting here right now, in "our" apartment, surrounded by Dave's stuff that he just moved in today (he's at band practice) and I'm just like... weirded out and overwhelmed. And anxious. I feel like I'm going to start hyperventilating. I don't know if it's because I feel claustrophobic because I'm surrounded by so much stuff that is just sitting

Comments

[lesh]

So if you are not sure if you're not ready, what was the deciding factor?

[darlin_sane]

I don't know? Because I am an insane person?

Sigh. I don't know. I always just go with the flow, and am so "whatever" on the outside, but on the inside I'm going nuts and am so scared of this!

[lesh]

Are you scared, or are you really having second thoughts?

[darlin_sane]

I dunno, really. I'm partially nervous 'cause my two bouts of living with bfs went horribly. And I feel a bit of pressure because Dave threw out his bed and couch, and I'm like "what happens if we ever break up, you'll be homeless?"

I guess it's like... I'm always the one who has moved in with other people, into their places... I could up and leave when I wanted, and I did. This apartment is MY place, so to have someone else move in here is weird and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it yet. In the back of my mind, I think part of me, a small part, is like "what if I want to just up and leave, like i'm used to doing?"

A year ago, I never EVER would have thought this is how I'd be feeling right now. At my core though, I think I'm happy about it. Just nervous, because of our rocky past. I'll probably (hopefully) feel better after he's lived he for a couple of weeks.

[malevolencia]

Boots.

Oh, and knockin' boots. That's helps the nerves every time.

[darlin_sane]

Yeah, I think I need to start knockin' boots WAY more frequently than I have been lately. Haha.