[Original] The Witch of Cristinia- CHAPTER ONE

[dahlia_moon]

A original story of mine that I started two years ago.

Title: The Witch of Cristinia
Summary: A young witch is imprisoned when her secret leaks out and someone very close to her becomes entangled in a nefarious plot to kill her. Kallista needs to save herself while discovering where she comes from and where she is going in a world that is afraid

Comments

[dahlia_moon]

Firstly, OMG, yay, thank you for offering your BETA services! I'd most definitely like to use them (I was thinking of making a plea somewhere for a BETA anyways, as I'm all ready working on chapter two and, holy crap, do I need another pair of eyes because I cannot make myself go back and edit it- mostly due to the fact that I always think what I write is drivel).

Secondly, thank you for reading and commenting. ^^

OK, now onto your advice:

I would like to see you slow down some scenes. expand, and add some quirky talk, with her mentor, he could say, "You know that silly acolyte of mine, you know, the one who did ..." that sort of thing, making small talk while turning the key, adding a little characterization and a fun experimental form of dialogue, she could ask about his hobbies, or another matter that they as friends have shared.See, I primarily wanted the scenes in the first chapter to go kind of fast because I didn't want to bore the reader with nonsensical facts about characters whom they might care for yet. Their