FIC: Ten "Subtle" Ways to Tell Him He's Getting Fat 1/3
Title: Ten "Subtle" Ways to Tell Him He's Getting Fat 1/3
Category: fic
Prompt(s): Clark reads a relationship article that causes nothing but trouble.
Warnings: Discussion of weight issues, therapy, and mental disorders
Summary: Clark notices that Lex has gained weight, and through the help of a savvy internet article, tries to subtly tell Lex that he needs to shed a few pounds. Things are always more complicated, however, as both of them are keeping secrets.
Author’s Notes: The glorious article is HERE.
I suppose I should alert readers that there's some BDA!Clark (although he has his reasons!!), and Oliver has some of his S8ish characterization.
Part One
Most days Clark spent his lunch break wolfing down a sandwich from the cart outside his office while chasing a lead, but for once it was a slow news day, so he ate his Chinese leisurely as he surfed the internet on his laptop.
Scanning through his friends list, he came upon an article that someone had linked to, and without reading what she had written about it, he clicked and began to scan it.
"Ten Subtle Ways to Tell Her She's Getting Fat," it read. Clark arched a brow, tilted his head to the side, and continued reading.
Clark wasn't with a she. He was with a he. A he who had been a sleek, svelte wisp of a man since they'd met by chance, ten years ago. On a Red K bender, Clark had run away early his sophomore year in high school, and quite by chance, he had literally run into the man of his dreams... with a black Lamborghini. To his complete disbelief, the man had walked out of the hospital the next day despite his seemingly obvious injuries, and even though Clark’s father had come to get him soon after, he’d kept contact with the fetching young man who recuperated so quickly, and their friendship had grown closer, and closer... Recently, they’d moved in together and something had... changed.
His once rail-thin friend had begun to get a bit thicker. His normally spindly limbs filled out, as did his concave waist, and Clark had noticed the discernible development of a bubble butt.
Maybe this could help. Sure, some of these methods were a bit more… passive aggressive than he was used to, but maybe… Maybe he'd just try one. It couldn't hurt.
He leaned back and shoveled in the rest of his pork fried rice and then took a few fried cheese wontons from his plate. He loved Chinese food.
"Hey, big blue."
Clark smoothed a hand over his blue shirt as Chloe came up behind him. She took one of his eggrolls and 'mm'ed appreciatively as she bit into it.
"You want to shadow me on the docks? I'm meeting someone who claims to have information about Queen Industries' latest experiments."
"When are you going to leave Queen Industries alone?" Clark asked.
"When Queen stops having scientists spirit people away in the dead of the night to do experiments on them," Chloe quipped in return, pursing her lips.
Clark sighed. "We don't know that Oliver Queen had anything to do with that. No hard facts."
"Clark, that's great for an article." Chloe crossed her arms. "But I have enough to definitely set off my Weirdar on his little operation. I mean, the whole golden boy thing is a little bit farfetched given the other activities that we know he’s been a part of."
"I prefer to believe in people."
Chloe shrugged. "And I prefer to believe in myself, my skills, and my intuition. If you don't want to share a byline with me on this, that's just fine."
Clark rolled his eyes. "Sure. Whatever."
"No, no, don't let me interrupt your…" Chloe leaned over his shoulder, looking at the screen. "Is this for real?"
"It's just an internet article," Clark breezed and blushed just a little.
"That's disgusting." Chloe stood up and grabbed one of Clark's napkins. "Ten ways to lose your girlfriend. Ten ways to be a completely hypocritical fat slob with a woman you don't deserve anyway. Ten ways to have a relationship with no real, effective communication. Ten ways-"
"Okay, okay. You can pull back the feminist bitching." Clark glared back at her. "The article doesn't have official Chloe Sullivan approval."
"No, it doesn't." She wiped her fingers and tossed the napkin in the trash. "One more. Ten subtle ways to tell him his penis is way too small."
"Hey!"
"Oh, yeah, that one's wrong. A girl being too fat? A crime," Chloe sang the last word, and then turned around and headed back to her desk. "Lemme know if you're coming, Mr. Hardbody. I'm leaving in ten."
"I'll be there," Clark called over his shoulder. He figured if he weren't 6'2 and broad shouldered, she might have just gone on her own this time. Tapping his chopsticks for a moment, Clark leaned forward and sent the url of the article to his email address.
1. Buy HerHim Clothes that Are Too Small
Clark entered the loft with his briefcase in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. His ears perked up, trying to locate the heartbeat of his boyfriend. Clark wasn't sure that Lex would be home. He tended to work long hours at Cadmus Labs, doing his ridiculously obscure research.
There. In the kitchen, making a sandwich. Clark felt a stab of guilt. There was a time when his mother had tried to push meals on Lex. It was like the man lived on coffee and scotch.
He supposed that it was inevitable. People changed over the years. Everyone around him aged, changed. Lex was getting older, like everyone else did, and maybe he was starting to change, although Lex had never seemed to age since the day they’d met. Perhaps it was time.
With a hint of hesitation in his step, Clark entered the kitchen and peered around to see Lex pulling a cherry Coke out of the refrigerator to eat with his sandwich. Funny, Lex had never drunk soda before.
He rubbed the back of his neck, then brightly said, "Hey!"
"Oh! Hey. How was work? Write any Pulitzer winners?" Lex asked leaning against the counter and picking up his sandwich.
"Well, no. Chloe's still chasing Queen. A girl who started with a Wall of Weird is probably going to always be tilting at windmills." Clark set his briefcase on the table and set the bag down. "I followed along, but mostly to make sure no one took her little blond head off."
"You know I can appreciate someone who tilts at windmills." Lex took a big bite and chewed for several moments before taking a swig of the Coke. "What do you have there?"
"Oh, uh…" Clark was a terrible liar. But maybe Lex would be too focused on his sandwich to notice.
"Doomsday device?" Lex raised a brow.
"No. It's just an outfit. I mean, I saw it in the store, and it was in your size. I uh… Got it for you," Clark fumbled, looking down a little.
Lex was going to know, and he was going to have his head. Clark could practically envision Lex decked out in hearts and swinging a croquet mallet, screaming “Off with the big dumb alien’s head!”
Only Lex didn’t know the alien part, specifically.
When Lex came over, he put his hand on Clark's shoulder. "That's very sweet, Clark. I appreciate the thought."
"Do you… wanna try it on?" Clark asked tentatively.
"Let me finish lunch first, and I'll give you a show." Lex squeezed Clark's shoulder a little.
Clark took a breath. "This is lunch? It's six o'clock."
"Time is relative. I always preferred epochal time to fungible time. Whatever. Dinner. I have to go back to the lab in a bit."
"Want to actually sit at the table?" Clark went over to the refrigerator, grabbed an orange soda, and took a box of powdered donuts from the top of the fridge. Then he sat at the table and motioned Lex over.
"Nice to have dinner with you, as it were. We don't seem to see one another as much these days, it seems." Lex set down his plate and resumed eating. He reached over and took one of Clark's hands, squeezing it fondly. “You’d think moving in together would mean we’d see one another more.”
Clark tried not to feel guilty as he munched on the donuts in front of Lex, and he forced himself not to think about it when Lex took one of the donuts.
When they'd finished their impromptu meal, Lex pulled out the outfit that Clark had bought for him and looked it over with a slight smile.
"That's your size, right?" Clark asked.
"Maybe," Lex said quietly. He checked the tags, then bit his lower lip. "Hang on a moment."
Clark started to follow him, but Lex moved ahead quickly, and he didn't stop for Clark to walk with him. The door shut soundly as a glaring signal that Lex did not want to change in front of Clark.
Clark waited, rocking on his heels. A moment later, Lex returned, wearing a pair of dark sweats.
"Didn't you like it?"
"I have to get back to the lab," Lex said shortly. He came up to Clark and gave him a brief kiss on the cheek, without making eye contact, before turning and heading out of the loft.
Clark went into the bedroom and looked around. The shirt and slacks were on the bed, neatly folded. He picked up the shirt and sighed.
2. Sign HerHim Up for Yoga under the Pretense of Stress Relief
Twiddling a pencil between his fingers, Clark skimmed over the advertised yoga classes. This one might be fit for Lex, although he remembered Lex being a jogger and kickboxer. Still, the reduced stress thing could be good for Lex. The man worried too much.
A few days later, he set the brochure on Lex's pillow while he was in the shower and waited as he sat in bed, wearing his glasses and pretending to be reading instead of nervously waiting for his boyfriend to sit down.
When Lex walked out, a towel tucked loosely around his hips, Clark couldn't help but look up with an interest. Which was immediately put off by the slight curve of flesh peeking out from the edge of his towel. Clark frowned and focused back on his book.
Lex slipped on a pair of silky pajamas to sleep in, which was unusual because Lex often slept in the nude, and then approached the bed.
"What's this?" he asked, picking up the brochure and skimming it. "Aerobic yoga?"
"It's not as… um…"
"Girlie?"
"It's for stress relief," Clark continued sheepishly.
Lex raised a brow and tossed the brochure into the trash. "Somehow, I don't think I'd be able to get my bliss on in a leotard."
"But it could be fun!" Clark protested.
"Then you go awkwardly pose yourself over a ball," Lex replied sarcastically. He opened his own book and began to read. The conversation was clearly over.
Clark sighed.
3. Set Out on Your Own Weight Loss Plan
"What... are you doing?" Lex asked, looking up from his laptop at Clark, who was doing jumping jacks in front of the television. Then he reached up with one arm, doing stretches to one side, and then the other.
"Exercising. I want to lose some weight." He bent over to touch his toes, and Lex raised his brows and tilted his head to watch.
"Well, as entertaining as this is, Clark. Where exactly do you think you'll be losing weight from?" Lex asked, setting his laptop aside and standing.
Clark turned to give Lex a look, then glanced down at his rock solid abdomen. "Oh, I thought, you know, from my middle, and maybe my ass."
Lex bent over and pulled up Clark's shirt, and before he could protest, Lex began kissing along Clark's abdomen. "Mm… tastes perfect to me. Feels perfect, too."
Lex's hands squeezed Clark's ass.
Clark laughed involuntarily. "Hey! Cut it out. I'm trying to get something done over here."
"As was I. But here you are, being so impossibly sexy. How am I to accomplish anything?" Lex smirked and then got on his knees and pulled down Clark's sweatpants.
Clark sighed.
Then moaned.
***
“How’s your master plan shaping up?”
Clark glared over his desk at Chloe, who was smirking like she’d had canary with her lo mein this afternoon.
“Lay off me,” Clark grumbled.
“You know, for someone who used to drop all of his relationship quandaries on my desk, you’re demonstrating a remarkable ability not to listen to me on this one.” Chloe sat back in her chair and swiveled it from side to side. “Does it really bother you that much? The weight gain? Is that why you never looked at my fat ass?”
“Chloe!” Clark admonished.
“I don’t consider it a bad thing. You’re the one who has a problem with it. There are plenty of guys, and girls, who appreciate my particularly body type.” She leaned forward and motioned for Clark to come closer with one finger. Then she whispered, “Fat is only pejorative when you read it that way.”
“You aren’t fat.” Clark shook his head and stood to turn away from her. She followed.
“I’m not a size zero. And neither is Lex, anymore. But is that what you really want? For him to go back to where he was before he met you?”
“Stop being so nosy,” Clark snapped.
Chloe rolled her eyes. “Telling a reporter that is like telling me to stop breathing.”
“How’s the Oliver Queen Must Die initiative going?”
“Oh, look, a shiny new change of subject.” Chloe crossed her arms. “I don’t want him dead. I want him held responsible for his crimes against humanity.”
“Dumping your cousin isn’t exactly a crime against humanity.”
Clark reached the coffeemaker and swallowed under Chloe’s cross glare. Okay, so they teased and riffed on one another, but occasionally she did get angry with him, and that wasn’t territory he wanted to even skirt around. Her temper was too much like Lex’s; slow to show itself, but unpredictable and long-lasting.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“As much as you want to write this off as a personal grudge against Oliver Queen, that’s not what it is. I don’t know why you have to react to everything around here with your head in the sand... Maybe it’s just what Smallville taught you to do. If it weren’t for us, the government would never have sent in a crew to test the soil and water levels for contamination, and people would still be getting infected, mutated, and cancer.”
Clark swallowed and ran a hand over his mouth. Years of therapy on the lowdown with his friend Pete Ross (who had recently earned his second Ph.D.) had taught him to push back that irrational stab of guilt. People had gotten ill, gone crazy in the literal sense of the word, and died, all because of the meteors that had crashed to Earth that day in 1989. But he couldn’t take that onto his shoulders. Spending so much time feeling guilty about his origins gave him an excuse not to work on any other aspect of himself.
The point was, he told himself as Chloe frowned up at him for his long pause before pouring his coffee, that together Pete, Chloe, and he had helped solve the problems of his hometown-- the problems that the locals were all too quick to treat as normal, or Just the Way Things Were.
“Clark, I’m sorry. I know I can get a little intense-”
“Don’t be sorry.” The long pause had caused her to step back into self-protection mode, he figured. She still did that, even with Clark and Pete. He poured his coffee, then set it down and reached for her mug. “I was just thinking about what you said.”
“And?”
“Chloe, I don’t think you could exist without a quest. I’m different, though. I don’t mean to be head in the sand, but balancing any kind of life with getting involved with this stuff? I just don’t know how I’d do it.” He handed her the mug and lifted his to his mouth. “I spent most of my childhood sitting back and watching other people be football heroes, or the guy who went off to war and returned missing his lower right leg, or went off to Paris, or became valedictorian.” He grinned at her.
“Yeah, as though I would have ever made the grade without you hand-holding me through math class.”
“As though I would have ever graduated without you and Pete focusing me back on school.”
“I think when you have a certain skill set, school can seem pointless. I know for a while I felt like I was screwing school, in college.” She leaned against the wall and tapped Clark’s arm so he’d move out of the way of a coworker who needed a caffeine fix. “Here I was getting a degree to do exactly what I’d already been doing for years.”
“I guess I’m just saying, joining you at the windmills seems kind of scary. If I start getting involved, what will my parents say? They had enough trouble with me dating a guy, and as far as things go in The Gay City of Metropolis, that’s not very high profile.”
“Knowing your father, I think he was more concerned about you telling Lex about your background.” Chloe eyed their coworker until he’d moved on. “But you haven’t, have you?”
“No. If I started slinking out at all hours, he would get suspicious. He’s pretty easygoing about our relationship because I don’t think he’s been in a lot of them-”
“He hasn’t,” Chloe confirmed.
Clark raised a brow. “Yeah, well, I don’t think that stalking the CEO of a multibillion dollar corporation for his crimes against humanity would even strike Lex as normal behavior from his partner.”
“Normal is so overrated. I don’t know anyone who is normal. Even those who tried to pretend to be normal back in the day had some deep down dysfunction, even if it came from a reaction to the norm.”
“Should I break out the pom poms? Metahuman pride!” Clark pumped his fist.
Chloe giggled and grabbed his arm. “Stop!
Clark sobered and looked out over the bullpen. “If I open myself up to this, I won’t be able to stop.”
“That’s what I’ve found.” Chloe shrugged. “It’s your choice. They’re your powers. Just please stop belittling the work I’m doing just because I can’t zip past his security and get hard evidence. I have to use other methods, and it might take me some time to do it.”
“But it’s really fun to see you get mad.”
“Hmph.”
“Your cheeks get all pink...”
Chloe headed back to her desk.
“And sometimes you puff out your cheeks...”
“Don’t you have an article on the new city-wide ‘green’ initiatives to write?”
“And you gesticulate wildly with your hands.” Clark watched her sit down as he stood by his chair, taking a smug sip of coffee.
“No one uses the word gesticulate anymore,” she informed him breezily.
4. Serve HerHim Unsatisfactory Portions
Clark was by no means a world's master chef, but he could cook a few meals that had been his favorites. Despite having lived on his own since he’d been emancipated at sixteen, Lex didn't really cook either. He’d never learned much self-care beyond what was absolutely required to keep him living. They usually subsisted on takeout or quick sandwiches.
The hard part, Clark discovered, was not so much that Lex would argue with him that they should have dinner together, but the tricky nature of finding a time when they were both home and Lex wasn't so subsumed by his work that he would make it to the table.
Clark put on his apron and his puppy eyes, however, and hung around in the doorway to Lex's office until the man gave in. They walked into the kitchen hand in hand, with Lex leaning on Clark slightly, and when Lex moved to serve himself, Clark kissed Lex's temple and shook his head.
"No, let me do it."
Lex arched a brow, but took a seat and folded his hands to wait. "Thank you, Clark."
"It's nothing." Clark put a small portion of the Italian sausage lasagna he'd made on Lex's plate and took that with a salad over to Lex before he served himself. When he sat down, Clark dug in, and nodded to Lex to do the same.
After a few moments, it became clear that Lex wasn't paying too much attention to his dinner. He'd picked some tomatoes and carrots out of the salad and was now poking at his lasagna.
"Isn't it good?" Clark asked.
"Oh. No, it is." Lex made a show of cutting off a piece and putting it in his mouth.
Clark gave Lex an unconvinced look. "Eat."
"I just have a lot on my mind, Clark. Work. It's not the meal at all," Lex reassured him.
"Eat anyway," Clark ordered. "Then you'll have fuel to do more."
"Yes, mommy dearest," Lex replied with an eye roll.
With a little more prodding, Lex ate half his lasagna by the time they'd left the table.
Clark was baffled. He watched Lex washing the dishes and thought on how the article had said Lex would have to ask for second helpings to assuage his hunger, and therefore have to think more about his food. But Lex didn't eat that much, or that often, and sometimes he forgot to eat at all.
It was very confusing.
5. Improve Your Own Diet
Clark didn't want to give up the powdered and chocolate donuts, the cheesecake, the pixie sticks, the sodas, and all the buttered popcorn, but nothing so far was working, and he wasn't even sure that Lex had taken much of a hint since the first attempt, which had left Clark feeling like a heel.
So he was going to clear all the junk out of the house. Clark entered the kitchen with a trash bag and began tossing anything that looked fatty.
When Lex poked his head in the kitchen, Clark paused, almost feeling guilty.
"You're fine," Lex told him, no doubt responding to the look on Clark's face. "I just wondered what you were doing in here."
"I'm trying to eat healthier. So I'm throwing out everything fattening and full of sugar," Clark declared.
"I don't know what initiated this health kick, but you really don't need it… Um, could you not throw away my sodas?" Lex asked.
"Oh." Clark looked down and realized that he had both his orange soda and Lex's cherry Cokes. "Well. Couldn't we switch to diet? They make them a lot better than they used to, and these drinks have a huge amount of sugar."
Lex hesitated. "Maybe… I’m all for reducing the amount of refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup in our diets. Can we at least switch to drinks that don't taste terrible and cause neurological problems?"
"What?" Clark looked up in disbelief.
"Well, aspartame has been suspected to cause symptoms that look like Alzheimer's. I don't know how that will affect me since I'm not your normal human, but I need my brain."
Clark was silent for a moment. "Okay. Um, we'll talk about it when we go to the store."
He put the sodas down, paused a moment, then asked, "Is there anything else you want me to keep?"
Lex shrugged. "I don't think you need to lose weight. You look perfect to me. But if you want to get rid of the sugar snacks, I won't stop you. I don't usually eat them, you know. I'll hardly miss your Count Chocula."
"That's… a good point." Clark looked at his bag. "Good. I'll find something healthier to snack on."
"There's an entire world of healthy snacks out there, Clark. The next time we go to Whole Foods, maybe the two of us will have to hunt down some better fuel to put in our bodies, hm?" Lex smiled at him and went over to rub his back, then leaned over and nibbled on his neck.
"You're really perfect, Lex."
Lex chuckled. "Not by a long shot, but it's good to know that you're appreciated."
6. Playfully Grab HerHis Love Handles
"Mm, yes!"
"Ahh…"
"God, you're so sexy."
"There-"
"Yeah!"
"Oh…"
Clark's hand grasped Lex's naked side and gave his side a squeeze.
"Nnn…" Lex pulled back and leaned on his hand, looking away from Clark.
It was too dark to see the look on Lex's face, but Clark's vision allowed him to see better than most, if he chose. He reached over to touch Lex again, only to once again be rebuffed.
"What is it?"
"Nothing. Not now, Clark."
"I thought you were enjoying it." Clark sat back on his calves and pouted.
"I was." Lex shot up, grabbed a silk robe and wrapped it around himself. "I just… I'm not in the mood tonight. Sorry."
Before Clark could say anything else, Lex disappeared into the bathroom. A moment later, Clark heard the shower running.
Well, this was one he'd never try again.
7. Ask HerHim to Wear an Old Dress Outfit
Clark pulled out his tie and held it in his hand for a moment as he glanced over to where Lex was napping on the sofa. They were going out tonight, if Lex didn't suddenly decide he wanted to stay in.
He looked pretty tired.
Clark pulled out a pair of leather pants that he'd never actually seen Lex wear and laid them on the bed. Must have been from the club days. Clark had rarely gotten to see Lex in his club clothes. By the time they’d met, Lex wasn’t as involved in the scene.
Setting a vibrant lavender shirt by the pants, Clark walked over to Lex and sat by him, watching the man sleep. His hand rested on Lex's hip, and he wondered if anything was wrong with Lex.
"Wake up, sleepy," Clark said gently. He stroked his fingers along the back of Lex's head, sighing at how soft it was. He would never get tired of petting Lex's head. It had taken so long for Lex to let him do that.
Clark's heart began to pound when Lex didn't move. He scanned Lex's body as the man slept, noting that his organs appeared to be healthy. He was about to scan Lex more deeply and examine his blood, but something inside of Clark panicked before he could do it. He began shaking Lex and calling his name.
“Ow! What! What?” Lex’s eyes popped open and his eyes flit around wildly. “Take it easy!”
Clark sat back on his heels, wearing a kicked expression, and he watched as Lex rubbed his arm and scowled grumpily.
“I know I heal fast, Clark. That doesn’t mean you get to break me.”
“I would never do that!” Clark looked down and flushed, because obviously he had hurt Lex in shaking him so hard. He swallowed, then fixed his eyes on Lex once more to make sure he hadn’t broken any bones. “I’m so sorry, Lex.”
“What is it?” Lex examined his arm and the bruise there carefully. When Clark was silent, he lifted his head to meet Clark’s eyes. “It’ll heal by morning. What got you so excited? Is everything okay?”
“You...” Clark’s breath exited him in a jerky rattle. “You didn’t wake up, and I thought... I don’t know. I thought something might be wrong? I...”
Sour expression turning tender, Lex sat up fully and reached forward to cup Clark’s cheek. “I’m fine. Look at me. Don’t I look okay?”
Clark studied Lex’s face carefully. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered solemnly.
“I have to make you think I’ve stopped breathing to get a compliment out of you these days? I must be losing my touch.”
Lex’s tone was dry and light, but Clark’s chest tightened anyway, and his heart was still pounding from the scare. He wrapped his arms around Lex cautiously and hooked his chin over Lex’s shoulder.
“Sorry.”
“You said that already.”
“I mean it, though.”
“Why did you need to wake me?” Lex rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and looked around. “What time is it?”
Clark stared at his hands. “Almost eight.”
“That late?” Lex sounded genuinely surprised, and rose for a minute. His hand went to his stomach, then he headed into the bathroom.
“I love you!” Clark called. He slowly sat on the sofa, moving his hand over the remaining warmth that Lex had left behind, and waited for Lex to return. He thought that maybe they should just stay home that evening. Turn on Netflicks and watch a movie together. Clark could dart out for some popcorn or bake some cookies.
A grunt from the bedroom alerted Clark, and he darted inside to see Lex laying on the bed with one foot hooked on the edge of it as he tried to button up those leather pants.
“Oh, uh...” Clark’s lips parted anxiously. “You don’t have to wear that. I was just... um...”
Being a dick. That’s what.
“No, I...” Lex drew in a deep breath, fastened the button, and then slid off the bed sideways. “I cannot believe I can fit into these. You know I was in this crazy living situation when I wore these. There were six people in our loft. I ate mostly rice back then. With a side of vodka.”
“That sounds healthy.” Clark raised a brow as Lex stood and stretched. The leather pants fit him as snugly as a glove, and when Lex turned to the side, the way they hugged his newly rounded ass made Clark’s cock jerk unexpectedly. “Why didn’t you eat normally?”
“No money. Couldn’t cook. Didn’t care.” Lex shrugged and hooked his thumbs on the belt loops. His sides curved over where the leather bit into his flesh. “We did have a rice maker, though. When I was down or stressed, I didn’t want to eat anything. Heaven would press some soy milk on me occasionally, or share what she’d made on the hotplate.”
Clark’s eyes were drawn to those curves. For once, he didn’t see his boyfriend getting fat. Not at all. He saw his Lex, his tired, but somewhat cheerful Lex, who had a bit of healthy rose in his cheek, and who read philosophy books and science magazines before bed. His Lex, who had practically raised himself after his father had died, a man, who by all reports had been giving Henry VIII a run for his money as father of the century. Clark stepped forward, and just as Lex tried to self-consciously cover his middle, Clark grabbed his sides and bent over to kiss his neck.
“I don’t know if I can let you go out looking this hot,” Clark warned. He pressed his lips gently to the curve of Lex’s neck and pushed him back onto the bed. There he met Lex’s eyes, and pulled the leather pants open, causing the button to fly off.
Lex’s jaw dropped in mock offense. “I was going to wear those!”
“Nope. I forbid it.”
Clark moved his hand down the tightly stretched leather and gave Lex a wicked grin. Slowly, Lex’s lips spread, and the tip of his tongue trailed slowly over his upper lip. Clark dove in and chased it. One hand gripped Lex’s ass and moved him up on the bed. Letting out a deep, low groan, Clark moved himself over Lex, who was more than eager enough to oblige.
Half an hour later, they were both laying naked and spent on the bed, and Clark trailed his fingers up and down Lex’s abdomen.
Okay, so he’s human. He changes. Maybe for the better, sometimes. Clark bent his head over and nuzzled Lex’s shoulder. Slender, nimble fingers carded through Clark’s hair, and Lex sighed.
“Do you still want to go out?” Lex asked after a moment of contented silence.
Clark shrugged. “I dunno. We could go have a nice dinner together, if you feel like going out. Or we could just get takeout, and tuck in here. Whatever you want to do?”
“Who are you, and what have you done with my boyfriend?”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. You’ve just been a little... driven, lately.”
Clark looked up. “Driven?”
“I don’t know.” Lex shrugged. “Clearing out our cabinets without saying anything to me, picking out my clothes, trying to set my exercise schedule... It’s been a little strange. It’s okay, don’t get me wrong.”
Lex narrowed his eyes and glanced down at Clark, petting his hair. “I’m more than willing to deal with a little erratic behavior, if you’re going through something. I’m sure you’ve put up with worse from me.”
“Well, no, not really.” Clark flushed and pulled back, feeling guilty once again.
“I’m well flawed. I know that. I’m...” Lex looked up at the corner of the ceiling. “I have a temper. I have... moods. I drink, well. I drank.”
“What do you mean, drank?” Clark curled his legs underneath him.
Lex seemed uncomfortable, and he frowned. “I quit.”
“Drinking?” Clark blinked.
“Yes.”
“You quit drinking?” Clark repeated.
“Yes, I did.” Lex was beginning to sound a bit annoyed.
Clark shook his head. “I never thought I’d hear you say that. That’s like saying you stopped breathing, or something.”
“You know, Clark,” Lex said sharply, “if you had a problem with my drinking, you could have said something.”
With that, Lex hopped off the bed and began to head into the bathroom. Clark caught his wrist before he could get too far.
“I never had a problem with your drinking. Should I have? Maybe I should have. I just never wanted to boss you around. But if you were doing it that much, I’m glad you stopped.”
Lex looked over his shoulder at Clark. “It was worse, before I met you. It’s you, y’know. You make me want to get better.”
Clark stood and wrapped his arms around Lex’s shoulders. “You make me want to be better, too.” He pressed a kiss to Lex’s forehead and then laid his cheek against it.
“You’re a sap,” Lex told Clark with no malice in his voice.
“Probably.”
“I do appreciate less junk being in the house, though. I don’t think I could live without those glass noodles we got.”
Clark chuckled. “They’re kind of weird.”
“Yes. But... they’re easy to make a quick soup out of to take with me for lunch. It’s a lot better for me if I try to eat something during the middle of the day.”
“You’re starting to worry me. Do I have to show up at your work to feed you?”
“I can manage.” Lex leaned back into Clark’s grasp. “I used to be able to go most of the day without eating much of anything, but these days... everything is out of balance.”
“Just call me, and I’ll bring you something good. Don’t they have food at your workplace?”
“It’s a lab, not a cafeteria. And I refuse to eat the crap that’s within driving distance for lunch. It makes me sick.”
“Aww,” Clark cooed. As Lex bristled, Clark kissed his neck again.
“Thanks for the sympathy.” Lex looked down and swallowed. “I need some water.”
“I’ll get it. Did you decide what you want to do? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving now, with all this talk about food.” Clark finally released Lex and then headed for the kitchen.
“We could split the difference. Go out for dinner, and then come back here. Just the two of us.”
“Sounds good,” Clark called into the bedroom. “Why don’t you open up my laptop? I’m still logged into my Gmail account. Hit the tag that says links, and it should bring up the stuff I save from browsing at work. I saved a restaurant website there a few days ago.”
“I’m looking now,” Lex called back.
Clark hummed to himself as he pulled out a bottle of water for Lex and a soda for himself. He danced a little on the way back to the bedroom, thinking how much could change with a little attitude adjustment, and wondering why he’d never seen how wonderful change could be.
He stopped in front of the desk and held the water out for Lex, who was sitting in front of the computer reading something.
When Lex didn’t move, Clark licked his lips. “Um, Lex? I got your water.”
Lex’s next words were so quiet that they didn’t even register for a moment. “Are you kidding me?”
Clark stepped closer, then Lex whipped his head around, fury and indignation etched into a reddening face.
“Is that what this was all about?” Lex demanded. “Making me dinner, laying out my clothes, trying to get me to exercise? Ten Ways to Tell Him He’s Getting FAT?”
Clark retreated a step, shaking his head. “Lex, it’s just a stupid arti-”
“Tell me.” Lex stood, and somehow, Lex Luthor’s body was held in such a way that even stark naked, he exuded as much dignity as a man in a three piece suit. “Tell me, to my face, that you didn’t buy me clothes that you knew were too small, or go out of your way to grab my love handles?”
As a demonstration, he pinched his side, his fingers gripping the spare flesh there.
“I didn’t mean it that way, Lex!” Clark pleaded.
“Oh, really? Mr. I Want to Work on My Ass?”
Lex stared at him hard for a long moment, as though daring Clark to speak. Clark was paralyzed. Until Lex moved again and headed for the closet.
“I didn’t mean it that way!” Clark fumbled for how to explain. “It’s just that you...”
“I disgust you? You don’t approve of my body anymore? Thank you for deigning to have sex with someone so monstrously fat as I, just now,” Lex sneered from inside the closet. He emerged wearing an old pair of jeans and pulling a sweater on.
“You aren’t fat!” Clark argued. “Can you just stop a minute and listen? Where are you going?”
“Out.” Lex grabbed a pair of shoes then looked around.
“What... What are you looking for?”
“My wallet. My keys.”
“Well, you fell asleep in the living room when you got home, so-”
Lex took off into the living room and grabbed his wallet and keys off the end table.
“Lex, don’t leave!” Clark ran after him and stopped as he saw Lex with his hand on the door.
“I can’t be here right now.” Lex glared at the floor, then lifted his head and turned around. “You know, when you acted like you thought you were getting fat, I supported you.”
“I know you did, Lex.” Clark didn’t dare move closer to Lex, but he wanted to, so badly.
“Because, I love you, and I’m willing to grant you the right to be human. Humans have bodies that change.” Lex’s eyes were starting to get a bit shiny. “And I know that mine has, but I didn’t think that such a small change... would matter so much to you.”
“It doesn’t,” Clark assured him.
“It mattered enough for you to dick around with me. To humiliate me.” Lex’s voice grew quiet again. “And what if it doesn’t stop? What if I just keep getting fatter and fatter? Are you going to chime diet and exercise at me until I relent and am acceptable to you again?”
“Lex, you-”
“Don’t tell me what my body is going to do. I have no idea what my body is going to do. I have no control over it! I eat better than you do. And less. And I exercise. I go to the gym. I run on the treadmill every morning. What if I can’t be perfect for you?” Lex turned around again. “It’s not really a what if, is it? I’m not perfect. I know.”
“Lex-”
Before Clark could formulate any kind of defense, although he suspected there wasn’t one in existence, Lex had slammed the door behind him. Clark stumbled back to the couch and slumped over, hoping that soon, Lex would come back, having spent his temper. As he waited, Clark sort of hoped that this fight didn’t drive Lex to drink.
An hour later, Clark touched his face and realized he was crying and naked alone in his living room. And Lex wasn’t coming back.
Category: fic
Prompt(s): Clark reads a relationship article that causes nothing but trouble.
Warnings: Discussion of weight issues, therapy, and mental disorders
Summary: Clark notices that Lex has gained weight, and through the help of a savvy internet article, tries to subtly tell Lex that he needs to shed a few pounds. Things are always more complicated, however, as both of them are keeping secrets.
Author’s Notes: The glorious article is HERE.
I suppose I should alert readers that there's some BDA!Clark (although he has his reasons!!), and Oliver has some of his S8ish characterization.
Part One
Most days Clark spent his lunch break wolfing down a sandwich from the cart outside his office while chasing a lead, but for once it was a slow news day, so he ate his Chinese leisurely as he surfed the internet on his laptop.
Scanning through his friends list, he came upon an article that someone had linked to, and without reading what she had written about it, he clicked and began to scan it.
"Ten Subtle Ways to Tell Her She's Getting Fat," it read. Clark arched a brow, tilted his head to the side, and continued reading.
Clark wasn't with a she. He was with a he. A he who had been a sleek, svelte wisp of a man since they'd met by chance, ten years ago. On a Red K bender, Clark had run away early his sophomore year in high school, and quite by chance, he had literally run into the man of his dreams... with a black Lamborghini. To his complete disbelief, the man had walked out of the hospital the next day despite his seemingly obvious injuries, and even though Clark’s father had come to get him soon after, he’d kept contact with the fetching young man who recuperated so quickly, and their friendship had grown closer, and closer... Recently, they’d moved in together and something had... changed.
His once rail-thin friend had begun to get a bit thicker. His normally spindly limbs filled out, as did his concave waist, and Clark had noticed the discernible development of a bubble butt.
Maybe this could help. Sure, some of these methods were a bit more… passive aggressive than he was used to, but maybe… Maybe he'd just try one. It couldn't hurt.
He leaned back and shoveled in the rest of his pork fried rice and then took a few fried cheese wontons from his plate. He loved Chinese food.
"Hey, big blue."
Clark smoothed a hand over his blue shirt as Chloe came up behind him. She took one of his eggrolls and 'mm'ed appreciatively as she bit into it.
"You want to shadow me on the docks? I'm meeting someone who claims to have information about Queen Industries' latest experiments."
"When are you going to leave Queen Industries alone?" Clark asked.
"When Queen stops having scientists spirit people away in the dead of the night to do experiments on them," Chloe quipped in return, pursing her lips.
Clark sighed. "We don't know that Oliver Queen had anything to do with that. No hard facts."
"Clark, that's great for an article." Chloe crossed her arms. "But I have enough to definitely set off my Weirdar on his little operation. I mean, the whole golden boy thing is a little bit farfetched given the other activities that we know he’s been a part of."
"I prefer to believe in people."
Chloe shrugged. "And I prefer to believe in myself, my skills, and my intuition. If you don't want to share a byline with me on this, that's just fine."
Clark rolled his eyes. "Sure. Whatever."
"No, no, don't let me interrupt your…" Chloe leaned over his shoulder, looking at the screen. "Is this for real?"
"It's just an internet article," Clark breezed and blushed just a little.
"That's disgusting." Chloe stood up and grabbed one of Clark's napkins. "Ten ways to lose your girlfriend. Ten ways to be a completely hypocritical fat slob with a woman you don't deserve anyway. Ten ways to have a relationship with no real, effective communication. Ten ways-"
"Okay, okay. You can pull back the feminist bitching." Clark glared back at her. "The article doesn't have official Chloe Sullivan approval."
"No, it doesn't." She wiped her fingers and tossed the napkin in the trash. "One more. Ten subtle ways to tell him his penis is way too small."
"Hey!"
"Oh, yeah, that one's wrong. A girl being too fat? A crime," Chloe sang the last word, and then turned around and headed back to her desk. "Lemme know if you're coming, Mr. Hardbody. I'm leaving in ten."
"I'll be there," Clark called over his shoulder. He figured if he weren't 6'2 and broad shouldered, she might have just gone on her own this time. Tapping his chopsticks for a moment, Clark leaned forward and sent the url of the article to his email address.
1. Buy HerHim Clothes that Are Too Small
Clark entered the loft with his briefcase in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. His ears perked up, trying to locate the heartbeat of his boyfriend. Clark wasn't sure that Lex would be home. He tended to work long hours at Cadmus Labs, doing his ridiculously obscure research.
There. In the kitchen, making a sandwich. Clark felt a stab of guilt. There was a time when his mother had tried to push meals on Lex. It was like the man lived on coffee and scotch.
He supposed that it was inevitable. People changed over the years. Everyone around him aged, changed. Lex was getting older, like everyone else did, and maybe he was starting to change, although Lex had never seemed to age since the day they’d met. Perhaps it was time.
With a hint of hesitation in his step, Clark entered the kitchen and peered around to see Lex pulling a cherry Coke out of the refrigerator to eat with his sandwich. Funny, Lex had never drunk soda before.
He rubbed the back of his neck, then brightly said, "Hey!"
"Oh! Hey. How was work? Write any Pulitzer winners?" Lex asked leaning against the counter and picking up his sandwich.
"Well, no. Chloe's still chasing Queen. A girl who started with a Wall of Weird is probably going to always be tilting at windmills." Clark set his briefcase on the table and set the bag down. "I followed along, but mostly to make sure no one took her little blond head off."
"You know I can appreciate someone who tilts at windmills." Lex took a big bite and chewed for several moments before taking a swig of the Coke. "What do you have there?"
"Oh, uh…" Clark was a terrible liar. But maybe Lex would be too focused on his sandwich to notice.
"Doomsday device?" Lex raised a brow.
"No. It's just an outfit. I mean, I saw it in the store, and it was in your size. I uh… Got it for you," Clark fumbled, looking down a little.
Lex was going to know, and he was going to have his head. Clark could practically envision Lex decked out in hearts and swinging a croquet mallet, screaming “Off with the big dumb alien’s head!”
Only Lex didn’t know the alien part, specifically.
When Lex came over, he put his hand on Clark's shoulder. "That's very sweet, Clark. I appreciate the thought."
"Do you… wanna try it on?" Clark asked tentatively.
"Let me finish lunch first, and I'll give you a show." Lex squeezed Clark's shoulder a little.
Clark took a breath. "This is lunch? It's six o'clock."
"Time is relative. I always preferred epochal time to fungible time. Whatever. Dinner. I have to go back to the lab in a bit."
"Want to actually sit at the table?" Clark went over to the refrigerator, grabbed an orange soda, and took a box of powdered donuts from the top of the fridge. Then he sat at the table and motioned Lex over.
"Nice to have dinner with you, as it were. We don't seem to see one another as much these days, it seems." Lex set down his plate and resumed eating. He reached over and took one of Clark's hands, squeezing it fondly. “You’d think moving in together would mean we’d see one another more.”
Clark tried not to feel guilty as he munched on the donuts in front of Lex, and he forced himself not to think about it when Lex took one of the donuts.
When they'd finished their impromptu meal, Lex pulled out the outfit that Clark had bought for him and looked it over with a slight smile.
"That's your size, right?" Clark asked.
"Maybe," Lex said quietly. He checked the tags, then bit his lower lip. "Hang on a moment."
Clark started to follow him, but Lex moved ahead quickly, and he didn't stop for Clark to walk with him. The door shut soundly as a glaring signal that Lex did not want to change in front of Clark.
Clark waited, rocking on his heels. A moment later, Lex returned, wearing a pair of dark sweats.
"Didn't you like it?"
"I have to get back to the lab," Lex said shortly. He came up to Clark and gave him a brief kiss on the cheek, without making eye contact, before turning and heading out of the loft.
Clark went into the bedroom and looked around. The shirt and slacks were on the bed, neatly folded. He picked up the shirt and sighed.
2. Sign HerHim Up for Yoga under the Pretense of Stress Relief
Twiddling a pencil between his fingers, Clark skimmed over the advertised yoga classes. This one might be fit for Lex, although he remembered Lex being a jogger and kickboxer. Still, the reduced stress thing could be good for Lex. The man worried too much.
A few days later, he set the brochure on Lex's pillow while he was in the shower and waited as he sat in bed, wearing his glasses and pretending to be reading instead of nervously waiting for his boyfriend to sit down.
When Lex walked out, a towel tucked loosely around his hips, Clark couldn't help but look up with an interest. Which was immediately put off by the slight curve of flesh peeking out from the edge of his towel. Clark frowned and focused back on his book.
Lex slipped on a pair of silky pajamas to sleep in, which was unusual because Lex often slept in the nude, and then approached the bed.
"What's this?" he asked, picking up the brochure and skimming it. "Aerobic yoga?"
"It's not as… um…"
"Girlie?"
"It's for stress relief," Clark continued sheepishly.
Lex raised a brow and tossed the brochure into the trash. "Somehow, I don't think I'd be able to get my bliss on in a leotard."
"But it could be fun!" Clark protested.
"Then you go awkwardly pose yourself over a ball," Lex replied sarcastically. He opened his own book and began to read. The conversation was clearly over.
Clark sighed.
3. Set Out on Your Own Weight Loss Plan
"What... are you doing?" Lex asked, looking up from his laptop at Clark, who was doing jumping jacks in front of the television. Then he reached up with one arm, doing stretches to one side, and then the other.
"Exercising. I want to lose some weight." He bent over to touch his toes, and Lex raised his brows and tilted his head to watch.
"Well, as entertaining as this is, Clark. Where exactly do you think you'll be losing weight from?" Lex asked, setting his laptop aside and standing.
Clark turned to give Lex a look, then glanced down at his rock solid abdomen. "Oh, I thought, you know, from my middle, and maybe my ass."
Lex bent over and pulled up Clark's shirt, and before he could protest, Lex began kissing along Clark's abdomen. "Mm… tastes perfect to me. Feels perfect, too."
Lex's hands squeezed Clark's ass.
Clark laughed involuntarily. "Hey! Cut it out. I'm trying to get something done over here."
"As was I. But here you are, being so impossibly sexy. How am I to accomplish anything?" Lex smirked and then got on his knees and pulled down Clark's sweatpants.
Clark sighed.
Then moaned.
***
“How’s your master plan shaping up?”
Clark glared over his desk at Chloe, who was smirking like she’d had canary with her lo mein this afternoon.
“Lay off me,” Clark grumbled.
“You know, for someone who used to drop all of his relationship quandaries on my desk, you’re demonstrating a remarkable ability not to listen to me on this one.” Chloe sat back in her chair and swiveled it from side to side. “Does it really bother you that much? The weight gain? Is that why you never looked at my fat ass?”
“Chloe!” Clark admonished.
“I don’t consider it a bad thing. You’re the one who has a problem with it. There are plenty of guys, and girls, who appreciate my particularly body type.” She leaned forward and motioned for Clark to come closer with one finger. Then she whispered, “Fat is only pejorative when you read it that way.”
“You aren’t fat.” Clark shook his head and stood to turn away from her. She followed.
“I’m not a size zero. And neither is Lex, anymore. But is that what you really want? For him to go back to where he was before he met you?”
“Stop being so nosy,” Clark snapped.
Chloe rolled her eyes. “Telling a reporter that is like telling me to stop breathing.”
“How’s the Oliver Queen Must Die initiative going?”
“Oh, look, a shiny new change of subject.” Chloe crossed her arms. “I don’t want him dead. I want him held responsible for his crimes against humanity.”
“Dumping your cousin isn’t exactly a crime against humanity.”
Clark reached the coffeemaker and swallowed under Chloe’s cross glare. Okay, so they teased and riffed on one another, but occasionally she did get angry with him, and that wasn’t territory he wanted to even skirt around. Her temper was too much like Lex’s; slow to show itself, but unpredictable and long-lasting.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“As much as you want to write this off as a personal grudge against Oliver Queen, that’s not what it is. I don’t know why you have to react to everything around here with your head in the sand... Maybe it’s just what Smallville taught you to do. If it weren’t for us, the government would never have sent in a crew to test the soil and water levels for contamination, and people would still be getting infected, mutated, and cancer.”
Clark swallowed and ran a hand over his mouth. Years of therapy on the lowdown with his friend Pete Ross (who had recently earned his second Ph.D.) had taught him to push back that irrational stab of guilt. People had gotten ill, gone crazy in the literal sense of the word, and died, all because of the meteors that had crashed to Earth that day in 1989. But he couldn’t take that onto his shoulders. Spending so much time feeling guilty about his origins gave him an excuse not to work on any other aspect of himself.
The point was, he told himself as Chloe frowned up at him for his long pause before pouring his coffee, that together Pete, Chloe, and he had helped solve the problems of his hometown-- the problems that the locals were all too quick to treat as normal, or Just the Way Things Were.
“Clark, I’m sorry. I know I can get a little intense-”
“Don’t be sorry.” The long pause had caused her to step back into self-protection mode, he figured. She still did that, even with Clark and Pete. He poured his coffee, then set it down and reached for her mug. “I was just thinking about what you said.”
“And?”
“Chloe, I don’t think you could exist without a quest. I’m different, though. I don’t mean to be head in the sand, but balancing any kind of life with getting involved with this stuff? I just don’t know how I’d do it.” He handed her the mug and lifted his to his mouth. “I spent most of my childhood sitting back and watching other people be football heroes, or the guy who went off to war and returned missing his lower right leg, or went off to Paris, or became valedictorian.” He grinned at her.
“Yeah, as though I would have ever made the grade without you hand-holding me through math class.”
“As though I would have ever graduated without you and Pete focusing me back on school.”
“I think when you have a certain skill set, school can seem pointless. I know for a while I felt like I was screwing school, in college.” She leaned against the wall and tapped Clark’s arm so he’d move out of the way of a coworker who needed a caffeine fix. “Here I was getting a degree to do exactly what I’d already been doing for years.”
“I guess I’m just saying, joining you at the windmills seems kind of scary. If I start getting involved, what will my parents say? They had enough trouble with me dating a guy, and as far as things go in The Gay City of Metropolis, that’s not very high profile.”
“Knowing your father, I think he was more concerned about you telling Lex about your background.” Chloe eyed their coworker until he’d moved on. “But you haven’t, have you?”
“No. If I started slinking out at all hours, he would get suspicious. He’s pretty easygoing about our relationship because I don’t think he’s been in a lot of them-”
“He hasn’t,” Chloe confirmed.
Clark raised a brow. “Yeah, well, I don’t think that stalking the CEO of a multibillion dollar corporation for his crimes against humanity would even strike Lex as normal behavior from his partner.”
“Normal is so overrated. I don’t know anyone who is normal. Even those who tried to pretend to be normal back in the day had some deep down dysfunction, even if it came from a reaction to the norm.”
“Should I break out the pom poms? Metahuman pride!” Clark pumped his fist.
Chloe giggled and grabbed his arm. “Stop!
Clark sobered and looked out over the bullpen. “If I open myself up to this, I won’t be able to stop.”
“That’s what I’ve found.” Chloe shrugged. “It’s your choice. They’re your powers. Just please stop belittling the work I’m doing just because I can’t zip past his security and get hard evidence. I have to use other methods, and it might take me some time to do it.”
“But it’s really fun to see you get mad.”
“Hmph.”
“Your cheeks get all pink...”
Chloe headed back to her desk.
“And sometimes you puff out your cheeks...”
“Don’t you have an article on the new city-wide ‘green’ initiatives to write?”
“And you gesticulate wildly with your hands.” Clark watched her sit down as he stood by his chair, taking a smug sip of coffee.
“No one uses the word gesticulate anymore,” she informed him breezily.
4. Serve HerHim Unsatisfactory Portions
Clark was by no means a world's master chef, but he could cook a few meals that had been his favorites. Despite having lived on his own since he’d been emancipated at sixteen, Lex didn't really cook either. He’d never learned much self-care beyond what was absolutely required to keep him living. They usually subsisted on takeout or quick sandwiches.
The hard part, Clark discovered, was not so much that Lex would argue with him that they should have dinner together, but the tricky nature of finding a time when they were both home and Lex wasn't so subsumed by his work that he would make it to the table.
Clark put on his apron and his puppy eyes, however, and hung around in the doorway to Lex's office until the man gave in. They walked into the kitchen hand in hand, with Lex leaning on Clark slightly, and when Lex moved to serve himself, Clark kissed Lex's temple and shook his head.
"No, let me do it."
Lex arched a brow, but took a seat and folded his hands to wait. "Thank you, Clark."
"It's nothing." Clark put a small portion of the Italian sausage lasagna he'd made on Lex's plate and took that with a salad over to Lex before he served himself. When he sat down, Clark dug in, and nodded to Lex to do the same.
After a few moments, it became clear that Lex wasn't paying too much attention to his dinner. He'd picked some tomatoes and carrots out of the salad and was now poking at his lasagna.
"Isn't it good?" Clark asked.
"Oh. No, it is." Lex made a show of cutting off a piece and putting it in his mouth.
Clark gave Lex an unconvinced look. "Eat."
"I just have a lot on my mind, Clark. Work. It's not the meal at all," Lex reassured him.
"Eat anyway," Clark ordered. "Then you'll have fuel to do more."
"Yes, mommy dearest," Lex replied with an eye roll.
With a little more prodding, Lex ate half his lasagna by the time they'd left the table.
Clark was baffled. He watched Lex washing the dishes and thought on how the article had said Lex would have to ask for second helpings to assuage his hunger, and therefore have to think more about his food. But Lex didn't eat that much, or that often, and sometimes he forgot to eat at all.
It was very confusing.
5. Improve Your Own Diet
Clark didn't want to give up the powdered and chocolate donuts, the cheesecake, the pixie sticks, the sodas, and all the buttered popcorn, but nothing so far was working, and he wasn't even sure that Lex had taken much of a hint since the first attempt, which had left Clark feeling like a heel.
So he was going to clear all the junk out of the house. Clark entered the kitchen with a trash bag and began tossing anything that looked fatty.
When Lex poked his head in the kitchen, Clark paused, almost feeling guilty.
"You're fine," Lex told him, no doubt responding to the look on Clark's face. "I just wondered what you were doing in here."
"I'm trying to eat healthier. So I'm throwing out everything fattening and full of sugar," Clark declared.
"I don't know what initiated this health kick, but you really don't need it… Um, could you not throw away my sodas?" Lex asked.
"Oh." Clark looked down and realized that he had both his orange soda and Lex's cherry Cokes. "Well. Couldn't we switch to diet? They make them a lot better than they used to, and these drinks have a huge amount of sugar."
Lex hesitated. "Maybe… I’m all for reducing the amount of refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup in our diets. Can we at least switch to drinks that don't taste terrible and cause neurological problems?"
"What?" Clark looked up in disbelief.
"Well, aspartame has been suspected to cause symptoms that look like Alzheimer's. I don't know how that will affect me since I'm not your normal human, but I need my brain."
Clark was silent for a moment. "Okay. Um, we'll talk about it when we go to the store."
He put the sodas down, paused a moment, then asked, "Is there anything else you want me to keep?"
Lex shrugged. "I don't think you need to lose weight. You look perfect to me. But if you want to get rid of the sugar snacks, I won't stop you. I don't usually eat them, you know. I'll hardly miss your Count Chocula."
"That's… a good point." Clark looked at his bag. "Good. I'll find something healthier to snack on."
"There's an entire world of healthy snacks out there, Clark. The next time we go to Whole Foods, maybe the two of us will have to hunt down some better fuel to put in our bodies, hm?" Lex smiled at him and went over to rub his back, then leaned over and nibbled on his neck.
"You're really perfect, Lex."
Lex chuckled. "Not by a long shot, but it's good to know that you're appreciated."
6. Playfully Grab HerHis Love Handles
"Mm, yes!"
"Ahh…"
"God, you're so sexy."
"There-"
"Yeah!"
"Oh…"
Clark's hand grasped Lex's naked side and gave his side a squeeze.
"Nnn…" Lex pulled back and leaned on his hand, looking away from Clark.
It was too dark to see the look on Lex's face, but Clark's vision allowed him to see better than most, if he chose. He reached over to touch Lex again, only to once again be rebuffed.
"What is it?"
"Nothing. Not now, Clark."
"I thought you were enjoying it." Clark sat back on his calves and pouted.
"I was." Lex shot up, grabbed a silk robe and wrapped it around himself. "I just… I'm not in the mood tonight. Sorry."
Before Clark could say anything else, Lex disappeared into the bathroom. A moment later, Clark heard the shower running.
Well, this was one he'd never try again.
7. Ask HerHim to Wear an Old Dress Outfit
Clark pulled out his tie and held it in his hand for a moment as he glanced over to where Lex was napping on the sofa. They were going out tonight, if Lex didn't suddenly decide he wanted to stay in.
He looked pretty tired.
Clark pulled out a pair of leather pants that he'd never actually seen Lex wear and laid them on the bed. Must have been from the club days. Clark had rarely gotten to see Lex in his club clothes. By the time they’d met, Lex wasn’t as involved in the scene.
Setting a vibrant lavender shirt by the pants, Clark walked over to Lex and sat by him, watching the man sleep. His hand rested on Lex's hip, and he wondered if anything was wrong with Lex.
"Wake up, sleepy," Clark said gently. He stroked his fingers along the back of Lex's head, sighing at how soft it was. He would never get tired of petting Lex's head. It had taken so long for Lex to let him do that.
Clark's heart began to pound when Lex didn't move. He scanned Lex's body as the man slept, noting that his organs appeared to be healthy. He was about to scan Lex more deeply and examine his blood, but something inside of Clark panicked before he could do it. He began shaking Lex and calling his name.
“Ow! What! What?” Lex’s eyes popped open and his eyes flit around wildly. “Take it easy!”
Clark sat back on his heels, wearing a kicked expression, and he watched as Lex rubbed his arm and scowled grumpily.
“I know I heal fast, Clark. That doesn’t mean you get to break me.”
“I would never do that!” Clark looked down and flushed, because obviously he had hurt Lex in shaking him so hard. He swallowed, then fixed his eyes on Lex once more to make sure he hadn’t broken any bones. “I’m so sorry, Lex.”
“What is it?” Lex examined his arm and the bruise there carefully. When Clark was silent, he lifted his head to meet Clark’s eyes. “It’ll heal by morning. What got you so excited? Is everything okay?”
“You...” Clark’s breath exited him in a jerky rattle. “You didn’t wake up, and I thought... I don’t know. I thought something might be wrong? I...”
Sour expression turning tender, Lex sat up fully and reached forward to cup Clark’s cheek. “I’m fine. Look at me. Don’t I look okay?”
Clark studied Lex’s face carefully. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered solemnly.
“I have to make you think I’ve stopped breathing to get a compliment out of you these days? I must be losing my touch.”
Lex’s tone was dry and light, but Clark’s chest tightened anyway, and his heart was still pounding from the scare. He wrapped his arms around Lex cautiously and hooked his chin over Lex’s shoulder.
“Sorry.”
“You said that already.”
“I mean it, though.”
“Why did you need to wake me?” Lex rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and looked around. “What time is it?”
Clark stared at his hands. “Almost eight.”
“That late?” Lex sounded genuinely surprised, and rose for a minute. His hand went to his stomach, then he headed into the bathroom.
“I love you!” Clark called. He slowly sat on the sofa, moving his hand over the remaining warmth that Lex had left behind, and waited for Lex to return. He thought that maybe they should just stay home that evening. Turn on Netflicks and watch a movie together. Clark could dart out for some popcorn or bake some cookies.
A grunt from the bedroom alerted Clark, and he darted inside to see Lex laying on the bed with one foot hooked on the edge of it as he tried to button up those leather pants.
“Oh, uh...” Clark’s lips parted anxiously. “You don’t have to wear that. I was just... um...”
Being a dick. That’s what.
“No, I...” Lex drew in a deep breath, fastened the button, and then slid off the bed sideways. “I cannot believe I can fit into these. You know I was in this crazy living situation when I wore these. There were six people in our loft. I ate mostly rice back then. With a side of vodka.”
“That sounds healthy.” Clark raised a brow as Lex stood and stretched. The leather pants fit him as snugly as a glove, and when Lex turned to the side, the way they hugged his newly rounded ass made Clark’s cock jerk unexpectedly. “Why didn’t you eat normally?”
“No money. Couldn’t cook. Didn’t care.” Lex shrugged and hooked his thumbs on the belt loops. His sides curved over where the leather bit into his flesh. “We did have a rice maker, though. When I was down or stressed, I didn’t want to eat anything. Heaven would press some soy milk on me occasionally, or share what she’d made on the hotplate.”
Clark’s eyes were drawn to those curves. For once, he didn’t see his boyfriend getting fat. Not at all. He saw his Lex, his tired, but somewhat cheerful Lex, who had a bit of healthy rose in his cheek, and who read philosophy books and science magazines before bed. His Lex, who had practically raised himself after his father had died, a man, who by all reports had been giving Henry VIII a run for his money as father of the century. Clark stepped forward, and just as Lex tried to self-consciously cover his middle, Clark grabbed his sides and bent over to kiss his neck.
“I don’t know if I can let you go out looking this hot,” Clark warned. He pressed his lips gently to the curve of Lex’s neck and pushed him back onto the bed. There he met Lex’s eyes, and pulled the leather pants open, causing the button to fly off.
Lex’s jaw dropped in mock offense. “I was going to wear those!”
“Nope. I forbid it.”
Clark moved his hand down the tightly stretched leather and gave Lex a wicked grin. Slowly, Lex’s lips spread, and the tip of his tongue trailed slowly over his upper lip. Clark dove in and chased it. One hand gripped Lex’s ass and moved him up on the bed. Letting out a deep, low groan, Clark moved himself over Lex, who was more than eager enough to oblige.
Half an hour later, they were both laying naked and spent on the bed, and Clark trailed his fingers up and down Lex’s abdomen.
Okay, so he’s human. He changes. Maybe for the better, sometimes. Clark bent his head over and nuzzled Lex’s shoulder. Slender, nimble fingers carded through Clark’s hair, and Lex sighed.
“Do you still want to go out?” Lex asked after a moment of contented silence.
Clark shrugged. “I dunno. We could go have a nice dinner together, if you feel like going out. Or we could just get takeout, and tuck in here. Whatever you want to do?”
“Who are you, and what have you done with my boyfriend?”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. You’ve just been a little... driven, lately.”
Clark looked up. “Driven?”
“I don’t know.” Lex shrugged. “Clearing out our cabinets without saying anything to me, picking out my clothes, trying to set my exercise schedule... It’s been a little strange. It’s okay, don’t get me wrong.”
Lex narrowed his eyes and glanced down at Clark, petting his hair. “I’m more than willing to deal with a little erratic behavior, if you’re going through something. I’m sure you’ve put up with worse from me.”
“Well, no, not really.” Clark flushed and pulled back, feeling guilty once again.
“I’m well flawed. I know that. I’m...” Lex looked up at the corner of the ceiling. “I have a temper. I have... moods. I drink, well. I drank.”
“What do you mean, drank?” Clark curled his legs underneath him.
Lex seemed uncomfortable, and he frowned. “I quit.”
“Drinking?” Clark blinked.
“Yes.”
“You quit drinking?” Clark repeated.
“Yes, I did.” Lex was beginning to sound a bit annoyed.
Clark shook his head. “I never thought I’d hear you say that. That’s like saying you stopped breathing, or something.”
“You know, Clark,” Lex said sharply, “if you had a problem with my drinking, you could have said something.”
With that, Lex hopped off the bed and began to head into the bathroom. Clark caught his wrist before he could get too far.
“I never had a problem with your drinking. Should I have? Maybe I should have. I just never wanted to boss you around. But if you were doing it that much, I’m glad you stopped.”
Lex looked over his shoulder at Clark. “It was worse, before I met you. It’s you, y’know. You make me want to get better.”
Clark stood and wrapped his arms around Lex’s shoulders. “You make me want to be better, too.” He pressed a kiss to Lex’s forehead and then laid his cheek against it.
“You’re a sap,” Lex told Clark with no malice in his voice.
“Probably.”
“I do appreciate less junk being in the house, though. I don’t think I could live without those glass noodles we got.”
Clark chuckled. “They’re kind of weird.”
“Yes. But... they’re easy to make a quick soup out of to take with me for lunch. It’s a lot better for me if I try to eat something during the middle of the day.”
“You’re starting to worry me. Do I have to show up at your work to feed you?”
“I can manage.” Lex leaned back into Clark’s grasp. “I used to be able to go most of the day without eating much of anything, but these days... everything is out of balance.”
“Just call me, and I’ll bring you something good. Don’t they have food at your workplace?”
“It’s a lab, not a cafeteria. And I refuse to eat the crap that’s within driving distance for lunch. It makes me sick.”
“Aww,” Clark cooed. As Lex bristled, Clark kissed his neck again.
“Thanks for the sympathy.” Lex looked down and swallowed. “I need some water.”
“I’ll get it. Did you decide what you want to do? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving now, with all this talk about food.” Clark finally released Lex and then headed for the kitchen.
“We could split the difference. Go out for dinner, and then come back here. Just the two of us.”
“Sounds good,” Clark called into the bedroom. “Why don’t you open up my laptop? I’m still logged into my Gmail account. Hit the tag that says links, and it should bring up the stuff I save from browsing at work. I saved a restaurant website there a few days ago.”
“I’m looking now,” Lex called back.
Clark hummed to himself as he pulled out a bottle of water for Lex and a soda for himself. He danced a little on the way back to the bedroom, thinking how much could change with a little attitude adjustment, and wondering why he’d never seen how wonderful change could be.
He stopped in front of the desk and held the water out for Lex, who was sitting in front of the computer reading something.
When Lex didn’t move, Clark licked his lips. “Um, Lex? I got your water.”
Lex’s next words were so quiet that they didn’t even register for a moment. “Are you kidding me?”
Clark stepped closer, then Lex whipped his head around, fury and indignation etched into a reddening face.
“Is that what this was all about?” Lex demanded. “Making me dinner, laying out my clothes, trying to get me to exercise? Ten Ways to Tell Him He’s Getting FAT?”
Clark retreated a step, shaking his head. “Lex, it’s just a stupid arti-”
“Tell me.” Lex stood, and somehow, Lex Luthor’s body was held in such a way that even stark naked, he exuded as much dignity as a man in a three piece suit. “Tell me, to my face, that you didn’t buy me clothes that you knew were too small, or go out of your way to grab my love handles?”
As a demonstration, he pinched his side, his fingers gripping the spare flesh there.
“I didn’t mean it that way, Lex!” Clark pleaded.
“Oh, really? Mr. I Want to Work on My Ass?”
Lex stared at him hard for a long moment, as though daring Clark to speak. Clark was paralyzed. Until Lex moved again and headed for the closet.
“I didn’t mean it that way!” Clark fumbled for how to explain. “It’s just that you...”
“I disgust you? You don’t approve of my body anymore? Thank you for deigning to have sex with someone so monstrously fat as I, just now,” Lex sneered from inside the closet. He emerged wearing an old pair of jeans and pulling a sweater on.
“You aren’t fat!” Clark argued. “Can you just stop a minute and listen? Where are you going?”
“Out.” Lex grabbed a pair of shoes then looked around.
“What... What are you looking for?”
“My wallet. My keys.”
“Well, you fell asleep in the living room when you got home, so-”
Lex took off into the living room and grabbed his wallet and keys off the end table.
“Lex, don’t leave!” Clark ran after him and stopped as he saw Lex with his hand on the door.
“I can’t be here right now.” Lex glared at the floor, then lifted his head and turned around. “You know, when you acted like you thought you were getting fat, I supported you.”
“I know you did, Lex.” Clark didn’t dare move closer to Lex, but he wanted to, so badly.
“Because, I love you, and I’m willing to grant you the right to be human. Humans have bodies that change.” Lex’s eyes were starting to get a bit shiny. “And I know that mine has, but I didn’t think that such a small change... would matter so much to you.”
“It doesn’t,” Clark assured him.
“It mattered enough for you to dick around with me. To humiliate me.” Lex’s voice grew quiet again. “And what if it doesn’t stop? What if I just keep getting fatter and fatter? Are you going to chime diet and exercise at me until I relent and am acceptable to you again?”
“Lex, you-”
“Don’t tell me what my body is going to do. I have no idea what my body is going to do. I have no control over it! I eat better than you do. And less. And I exercise. I go to the gym. I run on the treadmill every morning. What if I can’t be perfect for you?” Lex turned around again. “It’s not really a what if, is it? I’m not perfect. I know.”
“Lex-”
Before Clark could formulate any kind of defense, although he suspected there wasn’t one in existence, Lex had slammed the door behind him. Clark stumbled back to the couch and slumped over, hoping that soon, Lex would come back, having spent his temper. As he waited, Clark sort of hoped that this fight didn’t drive Lex to drink.
An hour later, Clark touched his face and realized he was crying and naked alone in his living room. And Lex wasn’t coming back.