Your Vacant Eyes (1/1)

[clawofcat]

Title: Your Vacant Eyes
Author: ClawofCat
Timing: Set during “Passion” and “Grave”
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Giles POV w/ mention of Jenny/Giles and Willow/Tara
Warnings: Some strong language, character death and references to torture
Summary: What was Giles thinking right before he left to confront Angelus after finding Jenny murdered? Years later, when

Comments

[only_passenger]

i wanted to read this last night, but i was about passing out by the time i e-mailed that fic to you (and found and corrected nearly a dozen typoes in it this morning that i missed in my exhaustion; my apologies).

i think it's very strong, and would not say your POV ability is underdeveloped at all.

there are a few parts in the first half, particularly paragraphs two and seven, that i adore. you switch from third to second (adressing angelus) person a few paragraphs in, and i would agree it at second. paragraph six is confusing for me. it seems like it's saying something important, and i don't think i'm getting it.

the concept holds up throughout, and it very interesting. giles' ability to empathize with willow at the end of season six, and why, is not something that occured to me previously. i think the second half could be tigethened, and if you wanted to work more on it at any point, i'd try to cut 70 words (10%) from the second half

[clawofcat]

Thanks again for the wonderful feedback. Something just occurred to me...when you post the Dawn/Angel ficlet, you should also post it to the_jossverse. Their May spotlight characters are Dawn and Wesley. This would be a good opportunity to get your fic exposed to some more peeps and it is also a wonderful Dawn story. I think the Angel sex part is almost incidental in the larger scheme of the fic, which really is about Dawn's identity in the shadow of the Slayer. So go forth and submit it!

Oh ya, one more thing about Giles. I really like the first part much better than the second and that's mainly because I only really thought to write the Jenny/Giles part. The minimum wordcount for fics at the comm is 750 and Part I is only 500, so I needed to write more and hence cooked up Part II. I just love the stories behind the stories.

[jdkitchen]

I like you're Giles voice very much. Who said you can't write the voice of a 50-something Englishman?

Here's a couple of comments. Not exactly concrit, but I did find myself wishing at times that this was a little less abstract in construction. After I finished, I wondered a little whether these were a pair of open letters, or diary entries, or just two glimpses of very well-formed thoughts. Nudging them slightly in one of those directions might really cement the POV to Giles' prose and allow readers to create a mental picture of what is happening. I also wished a little that Giles had spoken as much to Jenny as he had to Angelus in the first part. I don't know why, I just think talking to the victim a little would be great contrast to the parts where he speaks to the monster. Just a thought.

In any case, great writing as usual. Really love some of the turns of phrase here, particularly when you see a touch of ripper peek out in the last three paragraphs of part one.

[clawofcat]

Thanks so much for the feedback, LB. Very helpful indeed and I agree with you especially on the Giles speaking to Jenny part. If I go back and revise this at a later date I'll def take that into consideration. I wrote these as thoughts right after Jenny's death and right before he faces off with Willow, but they do read kinda like diary entries. i'll have to sit and think how exactly I want these accounts to be perceived.

My favorite parts of this fic are the end with the Ripper references too. I only wish I could have pushed that aspect further.

[clawofcat]

Thanks for the insight, Yash. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I think you brought up some good points. He definately should address Jenny more in this. If I go back and revise it at some later date, I'll definately take that into account.

With this out of the way now I can actually get back to the Spuffy! Yay!